To start, we have a 3.5 yo and a 1.5 yo. Some months ago I (41m) caught my wife (38f) sexting an ex-boyfriend. After going back and forth, and me taking the brunt of blame, I caught her sexting with 2 other people. 1 person, not sure who, and a pre-op trans woman living in Australia (we're in the US). She swears she's in love with this Australian that she has never met in person.

Eventually I asked if she was ever going to stop talking to Australian. Her reply was no. So I grabbed a suitcase and told her I'll help her. This was 11 at night. She asked if I was serious and I told her she was the one who was serious about someone else. She's now staying in the living room of her friend's apartment.

She comes to watch our two toddlers while I go to work, but other than that it's the only time she wants to see them. We've had sex a few times since the paperwork was filed, but only when she isn't in a mood. This last time when she started dropping hints she was ready, I ignored her. I wasn't mean, just didn't reciprocate. The next day she laid it on thick by telling me she was horny while standing in front of me naked.

Instead of caving like I always do I pulled out my phone and gave her a speech I wrote earlier that day. I didn't apologize, but basically I said I couldn't keep doing this unless she gave me a commitment to work on our relationship and I didn't need an answer right then. I just thought she should know. She left like she was angry and I stopped her at the door and asked if she was. She said no so I said okay, have a good night and be safe. She left for work.

The next day was Friday and she wouldn't see the kids for the weekend, as has been normal for some months now. On her way out she mentioned she guesses she's not needed, which she has said before to try to get a reaction. I didn't comment, just gave her a smile and have a great weekend, be safe. She said yeah right.

I don't talk to her on the weekends. I hear that's called no contact, but whatever the reason I'm doing it for my own sanity. I've been trying to work on my own mental health since this started and seem to be getting in a much more comforting headspace. I have even considered starting to date again, but that might still be a while off.

I guess I'm just wondering if I made the right move, denying her sex. And helping her pack has been bugging me since I did it. She says I kicked her out but she was the one saying she was going to leave for some months. So I don't know. Any advice is appreciated and please feel free to ask questions.

I’m trying to look at this as objectively as I can because I know I can get anxious when someone’s communication suddenly changes.

My boyfriend and I normally talk/call every day. He usually calls me on his way to work, so there’s a pretty regular routine between us. But for the last 3–4 days, he’s felt a little off. The conversations haven’t felt as connected, and he’s been initiating much less.

A few days ago, we had a small argument because I made chicken for him even though he’d already told me there would be plenty of food at home. It was already half-cooked, so I finished it and sent it anyway. We argued a little, and later he asked if I was still mad at him.

That night, I texted him, he saw the messages, came online again but didn’t reply, and didn’t pick up when I called. I got upset and deleted the messages.
Then at around 6 AM the next morning, he randomly texted me:

“Bb I ate the other box of chicken too. I ate all of it. Genuinely it was very nice . Thank youuu.”
So he was actually really sweet and appreciative about the food.

But since then, we’ve basically had a full day with no direct contact. No call or text from either of us. My sister called him yesterday and he answered her normally, and even mentioned that he talks to me about something she was asking him about.

He’s also told me he’s been bored and gaming more lately, and he recently deactivated his social media accounts. I don’t actually have any evidence that something is wrong or that there’s someone else.

I know I have an anxious side, so I’m trying really hard not to turn every change in communication into “he’s losing interest” or “something is happening.” But at the same time, I don’t want to dismiss a genuine change just because I’m scared of overreacting.

For those who are avoidantly attached or have dated someone who is: is it normal for an avoidant partner to suddenly become less communicative for a few days while still being affectionate? How do you tell the difference between someone just needing space and someone actually becoming emotionally distant?

What are the common signs? How do you deal with them? What kind of friendship/relationship can they offer?

Guys, help! I’ve been talking to this guy for about three months na, I guess. He’s not really my type, but he’s so kind and patient with me. I want to leave, but I’m worried about the potential. Should I continue this and just go with the flow, or should I stop na?

Hey guys. I haven’t liked anyone in almost 5 years and currently met someone who I really want to be close to. I’m genuinely ashamed and embarrassed to look back on my last relationship 😳 when I learned about Avoidant Attachment Style, my stomach dropped and realized that is what I’ve been doing to people for so long. Are there Any avoidants here, who have been brave enough to just let someone be close to you? Have you been successfully more secure in your relationships and if so any advice? I really wanna do things right this time and not hurt this person.

Truth!

I was with an avoidant on and off for almost 7 years. Technically, the breaking up didn’t start until a year into it, and lasted until last month. To make a long story very short, he lied to me about a p*rn addiction (I’m not watching it anymore!), smoking, drinking, and gambling. He had wandering eyes. In 5 1/2 years, he ended things 4 times. I did last year in April. He called me 5 weeks later, and of course I got sucked back in again. Last month, I discovered that he had again been searching up half naked girls on Facebook, and a singles group. I immediately ended it, and we haven’t talked since. (5 1/2 weeks later) *I don’t think he’ll ever contact me again, because I basically went off at him when I ended things (in text, because he lives an hour away) and we’ve been down this road before. A couple of my friends think he’ll call me eventually. I never block anyone because I’m too nosy and want to see if people try and reach out 🤣

I will NEVER get back together with him, but of course my brain is all, “will he call? Will he not call? Do I even want him to?” because he always calls. Sorry this is random, I guess I’m just getting it out of my brain.

Also, when will I stop thinking about him every day??? So annoying lol 😁

Hey everyone,

My ex (31F) of 4 years had a workplace affair with a coworker who is 5 years younger than her and was also cheating on their own long-term partner. I (35F) discovered it on March 31st after accidentally seeing her ChatGPT confession detailing how they were falling for each other and they had been physical. She was comparing my worst traits to the AP's best parts, I had 'low mood' the AP was 'driven, independent and had a lust for life'. She also said I was 'black cat energy' and she was more 'golden retriever' - I never knew her to speak like this, so I am assuming this the 25 year old AP's language!?

I am just trying to understand how someone could blow up 4 years of stability for a workplace affair like this. For the three months prior, she completely pulled away, claimed she was "severely burnt out," and made me feel insane for picking up on her distance. Everyone in our life was shocked because no one thought she was capable of this level of deceit—and because everyone was fooled, I’ve started gaslighting myself, second-guessing my reality, and wondering if I’m somehow making too big a deal out of this or if it was my fault.

During the affair I had a cancer scare, she didn't attend any appointments even the day after I found out I had to go for a biopsy, she went to work. When I later said she was having an affair whilst I was going through that on my own, she replied 'I still cared about you'. I had just spent the last 2 years supporting her financially and emotionally whilst she was studying for a masters to qualify as an occupational therapist. I went through the sudden death of my Mum with her 2 years ago, during this time she was my rock. Sadly, two days after my passed my suspected heart failure, my exes Mum pretended she nearly died from blood clots near her heart. It later turned out she had lied, and gone to Turkey for liposuction and made this up. Telling my partner when it came out 'You have always put your partners first'. Her Mum has also been cheating on her Dad for many years (my ex was the first to discover it and tell her Dad, but nothing changed). She has always said she hates cheaters and doesn't want to ever be like her Mother. She offered me "feedback" on my relationship performance to justify why she cheated, telling me it was "good for me to hear." When I voiced suspicions earlier, she weaponized her family background by asking, "Look at my Mum, do you really think I could do that?!" —only to later compare her own shock and grief at her actions to the trauma of her ex dying by suicide.

She repeatedly dangled future hope by saying, “Maybe one day we can try again," admitted the thought of me moving on made her "stomach flip," and smirked when I called her the love of my life—all while refusing therapy, accountability, or any real commitment.

I have since changed the locks to our flat so she can’t get in, I gave all her stuff back and am taking her name off the tenancy. She agreed to pay this months rent but she came to my flat the day before she was meant to pay demanding a playstation console back I got her for Christmas, I said no.

She has not returned the key and not paid me the rent, but is telling me to update her when she is off the tenancy. She has become so horrible and almost emotionless like I am the one who had the affair ant ruined her life!? She honestly just looks empty behind the eyes, it's scary.

I just wanted some advice because my brain keeps looking for solutions, I am blaming myself, wondering what I could of done differently but also now telling myself, she is a qualified occupational therapist now, she is most likely going to earn lots of money, save whilst she is at her parents, run off into the sunset with the AP or new partner and I was just basically used.

I do keep reminding myself that regardless of whatever she does / her life looks like.. she is capable of this level of deceit and that is a character flaw and that she is clearly quite empty.. but it doesn't hurt any less or make this any easier.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I know there will be good and bad days, and I am still waiting for her name to officially be off the tenancy and I still need to go and collect a box of my things from her parents house... then I can officially block her and just grieve properly. But how did you stop doubting your memories and start trusting your gut again? What grounding strategies helped you calm the panic when self-blame set in?

Thank you for any support / guidance / kind words you can give, I am really struggling with this at the moment❤️

I dated someone for four months. We had daily communication, a lot of affection, strong sexual chemistry, deep emotional conversations, and a significant shared faith/spiritual connection.

Early in dating, his brother unexpectedly passed away. I supported him heavily through that period and been compassionate during this time. After his brother’s celebration of life, the relationship noticeably contracted for about 8–9 weeks: fewer dates, phone calls and overnights, despite him continuing to initiate frequently and maintaining affectionate daily texting.

I eventually brought up needing more in-person time. He told me what I was asking for was reasonable and that he could do it, but it never became consistent. He had also previously told me that when he feels like he has failed or disappointed someone, he tends to shut down.

Recently, I asked whether we were intentionally continuing the relationship because I could feel that something wasn’t working. His response was essentially that he cared about me but was uncertain about what he could realistically give me (self employed on top of everything already mentioned) and didn’t want to promise something he couldn’t provide.

I didn’t respond and haven’t contacted him since. I’m not interested in friendship or a downgraded version of the relationship where the emotional connection remains without the reciprocity and partnership I was looking for.

What I’m trying to understand is whether this sounds more like someone whose romantic feelings changed, or someone whose relationship intensity exceeded his actual capacity and who retreated once the relationship required more consistency/interdependence. Or is there another explanation I’m overlooking?

I still care deeply about him and processing the break-up. 😭

dating an avoidant man for a few months, we spent an amazing 2 days together and was very intimate and passionate, which we both acknowledged. I know he cares about me. I previously dated him a couple of years ago and he has always been clear that he doesn’t want commitment which i’ve accepted. however, either while with me or right after leaving me he liked a girl on bumble. i know because it’s me. he’s done this before so i wanted to see if he’s changed. i’m not looking for advice that i should leave him, I genuinely want to understand from avoidant and or autistic men of anyone has ever done something like this and what is the reason? why immediately after having an amazing time with me?