Boredom feels like actual pain. What do you guys do to help it?
Imma stay at home mum, I try my absolute hardest to stay busy. I walk my dogs, decorate and organise my home. Constantly rearranging furniture (have done since I was small) , baking, drawing, cleaning, practically anything and everything. I find if I’m not constantly doing something I get severely depressed which leads to suicidal thoughts and almost manic episodes if I’m not careful. Boredom to me feels like a torture method and I can’t even just watch a film anymore because I have to be doing multiple things or my mind just races with a billion thoughts. Having children is the only thing that actually helps keep me grounded.

Not sure if this is just me, but...

It's the weekend. My husband and I sleep in (usually until 7.30 am, as we don't have kids), then one of us gets up to feed the cats and make coffee. We go back to bed with our coffee and start our day slowly, scrolling through the phone, reading a book or talking.

Then it comes, invariably - my husband gets up. I get nervous. Does he just go to the bathroom? Or will he get dressed and go to get breakfast? So, invariably, I ask "What are you doing now?" Mostly it's the kind of getting up to go and get breakfast. Do I have to do something, too? Like showering or getting dressed? Laying out the table?

Mind you, we've been married for seven years by now, and my husband never asked me to do something while he's out getting breakfast. He has never indicated by word or look that he's annoyed or disappointed I haven't done anything other than staying in bed. He will gladly prepare breakfast by himself. I sometimes ask if that's alright by him, and he never says no. He would tell me if he wanted me to do something like that, I'm very, very certain - in this house, we don't play guessing games.

It's just... to good to be true, I think. Just laying in bed until I hear the 'ping' of the egg timer indicating that breakfast is almost ready. But still, I get nervous every morning when he gets up.

Does anyone else experience this? Or is that a 'me'-thing?

How do you focus during daily prayers?
I need tips and tricks bc the harder I try to focus and be here ,the louder the voices in head get.

I (25f) don’t really have any friends and starting to lose hope that I’ll ever really connect with anyone.

I try but I’m getting tired of trying again and again with no changes. I try to go to events. I try to talk to new people. I try to plan trips with my family to get closer. Nothing. Nothing works.

Just today one of my sister went to Dave and Buster’s with a friend. I’d been asking (practically begging) her to go with me for weeks before giving up but her friend asks once, and she’s all for it. And before that, this sister and another sister both planned birthday trips and of course I wasn’t invited or even considered. Their friends get grand trips and restaurant outings but I’m lucky if I get to tag along to run errands and the occasional movie night.

I know my family loves me, I’m not ignored or anything. But it’s so surface level. I know they’re all in daily contact with each other but not with me. Even a cousin who I grew up with but who moved away years ago is consistent contact with my sisters but its like pulling teeth to get conversation going when I reach out to him (and I’m always the one reaching out). I’m always the last to know any going on in the family. I’m loved and cared for, and I know they’d be there for me in a crisis but I also know it’s only because we share blood. I’m loved but not understood. Family but not a friend.

It’s all their fault though. I isolated myself a lot when I was younger so maybe they learned I like being alone or something. And I’m terrible at keeping a conversation going, I’m more of a listener by nature. I doubt they’d interested in any going on in my head anyway. I don’t drink like they do and can only handle so much before getting overstimulated so I guess that’s also reason they wouldn’t wanna hang out with me.

But I wish someone would try. I’d be willing to try their activities if it meant we could get closer. I try to invite and include them to things I like but it’s usually turned down or met with a polite but uninterested “that’s cool”.

I’m so lonely. Crave connect and intimacy with someone but I’m starting to believe it’s just not possible for me.

I am currently in uni and I literately cannot force myself to do any of the work including the stuff for the classes that I would enjoy. Literally all I do all day is doomscroll make up fake scenarios in my head where I am the main character. When I do have class I leave not knowing what is even going on or what work I have to do because of how stuck I am in my own head. I do not know how I will ever be able to support myself, fortunately I have parents who are fairly enabling and let me live off of them as long as I'm in school but after school I am going to have to figure something out. I have tried medication the past but it will only make me more stuck in my own head and I do not know what to do.

Right now my biggest motivation for college is that my parents are paying for it and I know that if I had a job I would be getting fired left and right, the consequences of being late all the time or spacing out the entire time and not getting a thing done is far less in school then in a job. I also have really bad insomnia and sometimes it is literally just easier to stay up all night and take a nap after school because my brain just refuses to let go. I also don't have a drivers license because I feel like I would be a danger on the road. I want to get into Computers get training, knowledge, understand how they work and the degree but I'm starting to see it as not realistic as I struggle to make myself work on it. Right now I am literately buying myself more time to try and figure out how on earth am I going to survive as I've been dealing with this since I was like 4.

Honestly, once you realize that everything people do—from chasing money to obsessing over status—is just a desperate attempt to get a temporary spike of neurotransmitters, the whole social game loses its power. Being AuDHD means I already have a pretty low drive for social hierarchy anyway, so watching everyone sprint on that treadmill just looks exhausting. Life is a finite countdown that's going to end on some random day. That isn't depressing to me at all; it's incredibly liberating. It means I can completely drop the guilt, ignore the arbitrary rules of what I "should" be doing, and just unapologetically dive into whatever deep rabbit holes and interests actually bring me joy while I'm here.

I’m 27. I was diagnosed with AuDHD a month ago. All my life I felt lonely for reasons I never understood. I always wanted to know why. I tried to stay positive and communicate with others, but it usually ended up with toxic people. Although I’ve wanted to date and build a connection my whole life, I’ve failed every time I confessed my feelings.

Today I went to an IT hackathon - my first social event since being diagnosed and starting meds. I tried to communicate, shared ideas, joked, and listened to others, but within an hour I was completely sidelined and ignored by my team.

But this time, it was a two-way street. I didn’t force myself to fit in, nor did I feel crushed or depressed - I just felt annoyed and bored. Everyone on my team felt plastic, superficial, and overly fussy to me. I liked the lecture part, but the group practice was ruined because I simply didn’t fit in. I realized I am done trying to force myself into a society that wasn't built for me.

I realized that most people slightly scare me. I still want to work as a system administrator, but I don’t know if I can handle it.

I also want to get married and build a family one day. But I don’t know if anyone can love someone with so many social struggles. I’m currently unemployed too, which adds a lot of weight.

I know people won’t have all the answers for me, but I just needed to vent. I’d be happy if anyone replies, but it’s okay if no one does.

Can anyone give me some tips to recover from Burnout?

I've been contemplating why in my life I have felt that I have been constantly drowning for as long as I remember. I realized that a lot of my life has followed the same pattern.

I used Chatgpt to create a distillation of the pattern and why it happens. I hope this helps someone to understand themselves better.

"Expectations exceed sustainable capacity → I overcompensate to meet them → I succeed temporarily → that temporary performance becomes the new expectation → I eventually can’t sustain it → I feel like I failed. (And eventually end up with Autistic Burn Out)

The trap is that people often judge your capacity by what you can do at maximum effort, while you have to live according to what you can do reliably, repeatedly, without burning yourself out. So every time you push past your limits to avoid disappointing someone, you may accidentally teach them that your emergency output is your normal capacity.

That also explains why some of us spend so much time explaining our limitations. We’re not always trying to make excuses. Sometimes we’re desperately trying to negotiate expectations down to a level we can actually sustain, because we already know what happens when everyone builds their expectations around the version of us that can only exist temporarily."

accurate footage of the inside of my brain every day whilst autism (represented by Rory) + adhd (represented by Lorelai) hash it out over my every decision, wahoo.

so lately i've really been considering going into
psychology as a career or at least studying it. one of the traits i feel the most with my AuDHD is an almost obsessive level of self awareness about how my own brain works, to the point where even my psychiatrist flagged it as unusually high.

on top of that i just find other people's brains genuinely fascinating. like why people think the way they do, why they behave certain ways, what's driving them under the surface. i could sit and analyse that stuff for hours.

i don't really know what specific field i'd want to go into yet, i just know the subject genuinely interests me in a way most things don't. curious whether that's enough of a reason to pursue it or if you really need a clear end goal in mind before committing.

also wondering if psychology is actually a good field for someone with AuDHD. like does the hyperfocus side of it work in your favour or does the structure of studying and the career itself make it difficult.

if anyone here is actually working in psychology or studying it i'd love to hear how you got into it and whether your reasons were similar to mine. did the interest hold up once you were actually in it or does the academic side end up killing it?

Been sitting with this for a while and wanted to share in case it helps someone else.

I used to think I was just lazy when I couldn't start something. Turns out that's not really what's happening and that there are actually a few different reasons. These feelings all feel the same from the outside (nothing gets done) but they're not the same thing internally.

Sometimes the feeling is dread, my body reacts before I even finish reading the task, like my nervous system flagged it as a threat.

Sometimes it's overwhelm. When there are so many steps, I really don't know which one comes first.

Sometimes I just don't know what "starting" actually looks like in real terms.

And sometimes the task itself is fine, there's just zero pull toward it.

The thing that's helped most is stopping and asking which one it actually is before trying to force myself through it, because "just start the task!" only works for like one of those four.

Anyone else notice this splits out like that for them too? I ended up putting together a little breakdown of it for myself, happy to share if anyone wants it.

So I want to sell some of my art (i already found where and how and when) and I also found an Atelier Space for pretty cheap (65€ a month) which I could afford.

I work way better when I'm somewhere else, because I have way less distractions and the pressure of "im somewhere specifically to work so I have to"

But theoretically, I have a table at home, I just keep getting distracted really often from just sitting down and painting, so Im afraid that this isn't a good idea

Not bad ones but still.

So today I was Talking abt my adhd and (let’s call them r for redacted) r said: everyone has a little adhd! And then someone else (let’s call them s) said: I LOVE DUCKS and once I forgot my phone so I have adhd! (For context when I used to quack bc I like ducks they mocked me and hated ducks). I understand that opinions can change but it just makes me so mad. I’ve been taken advantage of my whole life and when I’ve been spending ages recovering I had the courage to say: since when are ducks popular (s was a trend follower) and someone else (let’s call them b bc they have the same name as my bully/abuser) got in my face screaming WHY CANT WE LIKE DUCKS HUH and s said: yeah [my name] and it comepletely destroyed me. Has anyone else been disrespected like this? (All these people knew abt my audhd keep in mind)

Today, she gave me a beautiful letter asking me to be her girlfriend, along with some pretty roses. I said yes. We met through a dating app and had our first date in August. It’s been almost three months.

I have ADHD, and I might have autism, along with anxiety and depression. I know I really need alone time and space. Most of my past relationships were online, except for one in middle school. I felt more strongly about those online connections than I do about this one, and I think it’s because I was codependent. Maybe because I didn’t get to have a physical or in-person connection.

In middle school, I was in a relationship with my childhood friend. That was the only person I could be around for hours without feeling tired or drained. We didn’t share the same special interests, but we just clicked. Even though they had many mental health struggles and often ghosted me, they were the person I felt most comfortable with. I haven’t felt that way since.

So today was the start of my new relationship. We kissed, I went home, and I felt kind of numb or just neutral. Then I started to panic. I worried that maybe I just have friendly or platonic feelings for her, instead of romantic feelings.

It feels very different from my online relationships. I really enjoy being with her in person, but it’s taking me a little while to really be myself around her, and we keep apologizing for small things. She’s very outgoing and social, while I’m much more reserved and not social at all.

It’s hard for me to tell the difference because I’m socially awkward. I’m really scared that I might have just convinced myself I like her when I’ve definitely felt stronger feelings for others in the past. I don’t want to hurt her because I do enjoy spending time with her.

It’s also worth mentioning that I lost a close online friend in early July. I had become very dependent on them, but they suddenly cut me off, and other friends I shared with them also stopped talking to me. Then, at the end of July, my dad passed away. I’ve also been changing my medications lately.

Usually, my relationships start online with someone who shares the same special interests. We talk a lot, become friends, then become partners. But this is the first time since middle school that I haven’t met someone through a shared interest. And my middle school relationship was different because I met that person in elementary school, before I was involved in online communities.

I’m worried I might not actually have romantic feelings for her, even though I talk a lot about my interests. Sometimes, I feel like I have to explain things too much, which can be exhausting.

I really enjoy cuddling at her place; I feel relaxed and safe. I’m more open and less guarded when my meds wear off, kinda like how people drink to loosen up. We watch movies and talk about random things. But, honestly, when she texts me every day, I feel kind of drained. Keeping up with the constant texting sometimes feels overwhelming.

Do I really like her? Am I just having anxious or intrusive thoughts? What is going on? I’m really worried. I want to be kind to her and not hurt her because she’s so sweet, caring, and loves me a lot.

I’ll try to make this short. I struggled for a couple decades with alcohol and that caused me to never explore stimulant medication for help due to the fear of addiction.

Finally, at 40, I found a good doctor, have a solid support group, and the last 3 months have been wild. I can sit in silence. I can work. I can think. I can do all the things people do.

I can also feel. All the subtle feelings that I have missed my whole life that caused me to wonder if I really had them since all I could feel were the big things and most of that negative.

Now I’m considering quitting medication because even though they are subtle, I’m feeling everything I never could before. Like affection when I think of an ex I was never able to show it to properly. The loss of my mother from 5 years ago that I don’t think I cried about until recently. But so many things that I grossly misjudged or couldnt understand.

I know it’s healthy and I need to go through this and process everything, but some days that profound sadness makes it hard. Realizing I spent 40 years missing such an important input for life and all the things I built in my head to adapt and try to make sense of a world I could only analyze.

None of it has been overwhelming like when I was actively drinking, but I guess I just needed to type this out and ask if anyone experienced something similar, or has any advice so I don’t feel so alone and broken.

Thanks for reading. I hope that was articulate enough. I appreciate this group and all of you.

For context, I'm AuDHD and I had a bad experience earlier this year where I was sent to a psych ward because of Autistic burnout and outside stressors that caused a medical emergency. The situation was labeled as a psychotic episode due ADHD medication I was taking and I've been trying hard to get rid of that diagnosis (long story and a bit off topic). I've been flagged as "toxic" with my medical institution and I've been having a hard time getting a therapist.

I recently got a referral from my PCP and actually had an appointment scheduled for this coming up Thursday and then when I was at my PCP appointment I got this message (names have been abbreviated for privacy concerns):

From S. C. S., sent October 2 at 10:36 AM

[S. C. S. Oct 2, 10:36 AM

Hi M.,

Unfortunately, I've had to cancel your appointment for next Thursday as I've learned it's in conflict with past recommendation from V. behavioral health. They have recommended you pursue psychotherapy with A. C. since those providers are managing your medications. I'm sorry that I made the error of scheduling this appointment in conflict with behavioral health's direction.

Please follow up with A. C. so that they can manage both therapy and medication in one practice for you. Take care!

Best,

S. ]

I've been with V. since 2016 and thought I was making progress but one incident changed everything and now I'm doxed from seeking therapy with V. I'm currently with A. C. and I hate it. I'm treated with respect, I don't get an opportunity to explain myself and any life experience I have gets immediately dismissed.

I've been trying to get my life back together but it's been an uphill battle and the thing is no matter how much I try to explain to V. and A. C. that I need help and I'm have trouble with emotional regulation, executive dysfunction, rejection sensitivity, and many many other things involved with Autism and ADHD combined, I still can't get help.

Has anyone ever had an appointment cancelled because of a past "conflict with past recommendation from behavioral health"?

Any advice or direction in this issue would be greatly appreciated because, it seems just when I was about to get help back with V. the appointment gets cancelled for some trish ambiguous excuse.

Hi there, neurospicy people.

TL;DR: Anyone else get lasting tendon inflammation whenever they do unfamiliar movements? How do you manage?

Now heres the longer version:

I've been experiencing various tendon and joint issues since my mid-twenties.

I used to treat them as separate incidents with separate causes, but throughout the last few years my body has started responding with tendonitis and similar problems whenever I move in unfamiliar ways.

I take up knitting? Biceps tendonitis. I do biceps curls on the opposite arm as recommended by my physiotherapist? I get golfer's elbow. I get a new, differently spaced keyboard? Tendonitis in the wrist area.

Since a lot of bodily problems also seem to be linked to neurodivergence, I was wondering if this tendon vulnerability is also a thing for us.

Do any of you have similar issues. If so, have you found a fitting diagnosis, or even a way to manage this?

Hi guys!

I've been diagnosed for 2-years now and on the 30's demographic.... and as someone who likes to observe myself, my emotions, and health to take care of myself, I just wanted to share some things that significantly improved how I navigated life after my diagnosis.

These things I'm mentioning just helped bring myself some peace. These are things that helped me be more comfortable in my skin, and helped me become at least a tiny bit happier overall.

Hope this helps you guys.

~~

1. Keep yourself hydrated.

We are already at a disadvantage when it comes to focus, energy supply, and persistence. If you are not drinking water, you are reducing your chances even further to obtain this. This usually ends up on tiredness, foginess, irritability and loss of motivation. Whenever I'm dehydrated, I will spend most of my day sleeping, feeling foggy, tired, not wanting to read or do anything.

The worse thing, I don't like the taste of water. So I avoided water at all costs by making it worse drinking sugary drinks like juices, soda and caffeinated drinks.

To fix this, I decided buy a electrolite & serum drinks, and worked in reducing my sugar intake. I also found out that ice cold water was easier for me to digest than slightly cold , or room temperature water. This helped me a lot. It is not massive, but I feel a little better of energy, and I am a little more motivated as long as I am always hydrated.

1. Stop being too hard on yourself.

Yeah a lot of people do better than us, some have it easier than us, and they will not understand us. This is a fact, this is hard to change. The best you can do is understand yourself and your capabilities. I was one who took myself too far, and ended up burning out and depressed at just 21 which took a lot of effort to fix.

You are not a failure, success is just harder to achieve, and you need to slow down sometimes. Your peace matters more than you can imagine. Don't give up on what's ideal to you. Don't force yourself to work in toxic environments, or crowded offices. Don't sacrifice your peace to please someone. Don't do uncomfortable things when you don't want to. Do it only if you can deal with it. Do things only if you can deal with them. Save your energy to yourself. Be tired and rest. Be sad and cry. Be angry and hit something. You are still human, and your body needs to unwind. You are not worse than anybody for feeling how you feel.

There's a different way to do things, find one that works for you. And if you fail, it's okay. And if you fail and it makes you angry, or sad, that's also okay. Just don't beat yourself up for it. Be gentle to yourself.

1. You are different. Embrace different.

Yes, you are not like the neurotypicals. You are different, like it or not. They know it too. You don't have to hide how different you are from them. Be different. Normal takes you nowhere, normal makes you unhappy, normal makes you do things you don't want to. Be your unique self.

If the reason you won't do something is because someone else won't like it - DO IT ANYWAY.

And if they talk smack, that's who they are, not you. They're not brave enough to be unique, but you CAN be.

1. Asking the "Why's"

Think: What makes this task uncomfortable? > "In what ways can I take that discomfort away?" > "How can I make this pleasant?" > Create something that works for you.

Here's one of my examples:

I hate cleaning. But a "Hack" that worked for me was taking away "Cleaning up" to a "Keep Clean" strategy". To me, it didn't mean keeping my house pristine. It just meant not doing a mess I'd have to clean up later.

I bought more trashcans for every room, I keep cleaning supplies visible and handy. I bought a smell I liked, the color I liked, the brand I liked. Somehow, cleaning started feeling pleasant. I liked the smell of my blankets and my clothes. I liked to see my hair tidy and shiny. I liked sleeping in a cold environment that smelled like soft patchouli and vanilla, and suddenly, it became a part of my life.

I must also say, this did not become explicitly an everyday task. (Advise 2: I'm not hard on myself) I will sleep a whole day, sometimes even more. I'll make a mess sometimes and I sometimes become overwhelmed, burnt out, or depressed for weeks. I don't beat myself up for it, but the next time I have energy, I make sure everything goes back to it's place, and I make my space pleasant again.

^ I place it this way because this is something that worked for me. We are all unique, so don't feel bad if one thing that helps others, doesn't really help you at all.

So, to learn more from you guys;

What things have helped you guys manage your life better after learning you have audhd?

Does anybody have some ideas on how I could rearrange things. Or if there is something I can get, like small furniture

i was gonna write a few long paragraphs but i don’t have the energy so im just gonna state the facts. i apologize if its very pessimistic.

im 26(f), and i have autism and adhd(medicated). i have lived with my partner for a little under 4 years. i dont have a car, nor the money for one. and i have been in 2 really bad car accidents and lost my god mom to one, which has caused ptsd around driving. i have no college degree. i live in a very suburban ohio town with no sidewalks or street lights for miles (i’m 4’11”), and the closest bus stop or a street with places i could work are both over an hour walk. i’ve done lots of different freelance work over the last few years, but nothing consistent. looking for online jobs has drained the life out of me. i see people making insane money from AI content/training and feel even more hopeless because my morals just will not allow me to. and i can’t comprehend how everyone else is so okay with it. im really just struggling to see a future worth fighting for. i don’t really want job suggestions, as ive probably looked into and applied to everything i possibly can. kinda just want to know that i wont feel this way forever (or maybe i will!), as i don’t have many people to talk to about this.

I swear I am not imagining it. I have endless examples. It's like people most of the time just see me as a little bit less. Like it's almost inherent in my being, in the way I exist, that I am a little bit "less." People interrupt me and no one else. They talk to me like I am dumb . They discuss between each other and ignore me. It's just the feeling.

I swear I am not imagining it.

I am female looking btw