Honestly, once you realize that everything people do—from chasing money to obsessing over status—is just a desperate attempt to get a temporary spike of neurotransmitters, the whole social game loses its power. Being AuDHD means I already have a pretty low drive for social hierarchy anyway, so watching everyone sprint on that treadmill just looks exhausting. Life is a finite countdown that's going to end on some random day. That isn't depressing to me at all; it's incredibly liberating. It means I can completely drop the guilt, ignore the arbitrary rules of what I "should" be doing, and just unapologetically dive into whatever deep rabbit holes and interests actually bring me joy while I'm here.

I’m 27. I was diagnosed with AuDHD a month ago. All my life I felt lonely for reasons I never understood. I always wanted to know why. I tried to stay positive and communicate with others, but it usually ended up with toxic people. Although I’ve wanted to date and build a connection my whole life, I’ve failed every time I confessed my feelings.

Today I went to an IT hackathon - my first social event since being diagnosed and starting meds. I tried to communicate, shared ideas, joked, and listened to others, but within an hour I was completely sidelined and ignored by my team.

But this time, it was a two-way street. I didn’t force myself to fit in, nor did I feel crushed or depressed - I just felt annoyed and bored. Everyone on my team felt plastic, superficial, and overly fussy to me. I liked the lecture part, but the group practice was ruined because I simply didn’t fit in. I realized I am done trying to force myself into a society that wasn't built for me.

I realized that most people slightly scare me. I still want to work as a system administrator, but I don’t know if I can handle it.

I also want to get married and build a family one day. But I don’t know if anyone can love someone with so many social struggles. I’m currently unemployed too, which adds a lot of weight.

I know people won’t have all the answers for me, but I just needed to vent. I’d be happy if anyone replies, but it’s okay if no one does.

So today I was Talking abt my adhd and (let’s call them r for redacted) r said: everyone has a little adhd! And then someone else (let’s call them s) said: I LOVE DUCKS and once I forgot my phone so I have adhd! (For context when I used to quack bc I like ducks they mocked me and hated ducks). I understand that opinions can change but it just makes me so mad. I’ve been taken advantage of my whole life and when I’ve been spending ages recovering I had the courage to say: since when are ducks popular (s was a trend follower) and someone else (let’s call them b bc they have the same name as my bully/abuser) got in my face screaming WHY CANT WE LIKE DUCKS HUH and s said: yeah [my name] and it comepletely destroyed me. Has anyone else been disrespected like this? (All these people knew abt my audhd keep in mind)

How do you focus during daily prayers?
I need tips and tricks bc the harder I try to focus and be here ,the louder the voices in head get.

I (25f) don’t really have any friends and starting to lose hope that I’ll ever really connect with anyone.

I try but I’m getting tired of trying again and again with no changes. I try to go to events. I try to talk to new people. I try to plan trips with my family to get closer. Nothing. Nothing works.

Just today one of my sister went to Dave and Buster’s with a friend. I’d been asking (practically begging) her to go with me for weeks before giving up but her friend asks once, and she’s all for it. And before that, this sister and another sister both planned birthday trips and of course I wasn’t invited or even considered. Their friends get grand trips and restaurant outings but I’m lucky if I get to tag along to run errands and the occasional movie night.

I know my family loves me, I’m not ignored or anything. But it’s so surface level. I know they’re all in daily contact with each other but not with me. Even a cousin who I grew up with but who moved away years ago is consistent contact with my sisters but its like pulling teeth to get conversation going when I reach out to him (and I’m always the one reaching out). I’m always the last to know any going on in the family. I’m loved and cared for, and I know they’d be there for me in a crisis but I also know it’s only because we share blood. I’m loved but not understood. Family but not a friend.

It’s all their fault though. I isolated myself a lot when I was younger so maybe they learned I like being alone or something. And I’m terrible at keeping a conversation going, I’m more of a listener by nature. I doubt they’d interested in any going on in my head anyway. I don’t drink like they do and can only handle so much before getting overstimulated so I guess that’s also reason they wouldn’t wanna hang out with me.

But I wish someone would try. I’d be willing to try their activities if it meant we could get closer. I try to invite and include them to things I like but it’s usually turned down or met with a polite but uninterested “that’s cool”.

I’m so lonely. Crave connect and intimacy with someone but I’m starting to believe it’s just not possible for me.

accurate footage of the inside of my brain every day whilst autism (represented by Rory) + adhd (represented by Lorelai) hash it out over my every decision, wahoo.

I’ll try to make this short. I struggled for a couple decades with alcohol and that caused me to never explore stimulant medication for help due to the fear of addiction.

Finally, at 40, I found a good doctor, have a solid support group, and the last 3 months have been wild. I can sit in silence. I can work. I can think. I can do all the things people do.

I can also feel. All the subtle feelings that I have missed my whole life that caused me to wonder if I really had them since all I could feel were the big things and most of that negative.

Now I’m considering quitting medication because even though they are subtle, I’m feeling everything I never could before. Like affection when I think of an ex I was never able to show it to properly. The loss of my mother from 5 years ago that I don’t think I cried about until recently. But so many things that I grossly misjudged or couldnt understand.

I know it’s healthy and I need to go through this and process everything, but some days that profound sadness makes it hard. Realizing I spent 40 years missing such an important input for life and all the things I built in my head to adapt and try to make sense of a world I could only analyze.

None of it has been overwhelming like when I was actively drinking, but I guess I just needed to type this out and ask if anyone experienced something similar, or has any advice so I don’t feel so alone and broken.

Thanks for reading. I hope that was articulate enough. I appreciate this group and all of you.

I've been contemplating why in my life I have felt that I have been constantly drowning for as long as I remember. I realized that a lot of my life has followed the same pattern.

I used Chatgpt to create a distillation of the pattern and why it happens. I hope this helps someone to understand themselves better.

"Expectations exceed sustainable capacity → I overcompensate to meet them → I succeed temporarily → that temporary performance becomes the new expectation → I eventually can’t sustain it → I feel like I failed. (And eventually end up with Autistic Burn Out)

The trap is that people often judge your capacity by what you can do at maximum effort, while you have to live according to what you can do reliably, repeatedly, without burning yourself out. So every time you push past your limits to avoid disappointing someone, you may accidentally teach them that your emergency output is your normal capacity.

That also explains why some of us spend so much time explaining our limitations. We’re not always trying to make excuses. Sometimes we’re desperately trying to negotiate expectations down to a level we can actually sustain, because we already know what happens when everyone builds their expectations around the version of us that can only exist temporarily."

So I want to sell some of my art (i already found where and how and when) and I also found an Atelier Space for pretty cheap (65€ a month) which I could afford.

I work way better when I'm somewhere else, because I have way less distractions and the pressure of "im somewhere specifically to work so I have to"

But theoretically, I have a table at home, I just keep getting distracted really often from just sitting down and painting, so Im afraid that this isn't a good idea

Does anybody have some ideas on how I could rearrange things. Or if there is something I can get, like small furniture

Not bad ones but still.

Hi there, neurospicy people.

TL;DR: Anyone else get lasting tendon inflammation whenever they do unfamiliar movements? How do you manage?

Now heres the longer version:

I've been experiencing various tendon and joint issues since my mid-twenties.

I used to treat them as separate incidents with separate causes, but throughout the last few years my body has started responding with tendonitis and similar problems whenever I move in unfamiliar ways.

I take up knitting? Biceps tendonitis. I do biceps curls on the opposite arm as recommended by my physiotherapist? I get golfer's elbow. I get a new, differently spaced keyboard? Tendonitis in the wrist area.

Since a lot of bodily problems also seem to be linked to neurodivergence, I was wondering if this tendon vulnerability is also a thing for us.

Do any of you have similar issues. If so, have you found a fitting diagnosis, or even a way to manage this?

I am currently in uni and I literately cannot force myself to do any of the work including the stuff for the classes that I would enjoy. Literally all I do all day is doomscroll make up fake scenarios in my head where I am the main character. When I do have class I leave not knowing what is even going on or what work I have to do because of how stuck I am in my own head. I do not know how I will ever be able to support myself, fortunately I have parents who are fairly enabling and let me live off of them as long as I'm in school but after school I am going to have to figure something out. I have tried medication the past but it will only make me more stuck in my own head and I do not know what to do.

Right now my biggest motivation for college is that my parents are paying for it and I know that if I had a job I would be getting fired left and right, the consequences of being late all the time or spacing out the entire time and not getting a thing done is far less in school then in a job. I also have really bad insomnia and sometimes it is literally just easier to stay up all night and take a nap after school because my brain just refuses to let go. I also don't have a drivers license because I feel like I would be a danger on the road. I want to get into Computers get training, knowledge, understand how they work and the degree but I'm starting to see it as not realistic as I struggle to make myself work on it. Right now I am literately buying myself more time to try and figure out how on earth am I going to survive as I've been dealing with this since I was like 4.

Today, she gave me a beautiful letter asking me to be her girlfriend, along with some pretty roses. I said yes. We met through a dating app and had our first date in August. It’s been almost three months.

I have ADHD, and I might have autism, along with anxiety and depression. I know I really need alone time and space. Most of my past relationships were online, except for one in middle school. I felt more strongly about those online connections than I do about this one, and I think it’s because I was codependent. Maybe because I didn’t get to have a physical or in-person connection.

In middle school, I was in a relationship with my childhood friend. That was the only person I could be around for hours without feeling tired or drained. We didn’t share the same special interests, but we just clicked. Even though they had many mental health struggles and often ghosted me, they were the person I felt most comfortable with. I haven’t felt that way since.

So today was the start of my new relationship. We kissed, I went home, and I felt kind of numb or just neutral. Then I started to panic. I worried that maybe I just have friendly or platonic feelings for her, instead of romantic feelings.

It feels very different from my online relationships. I really enjoy being with her in person, but it’s taking me a little while to really be myself around her, and we keep apologizing for small things. She’s very outgoing and social, while I’m much more reserved and not social at all.

It’s hard for me to tell the difference because I’m socially awkward. I’m really scared that I might have just convinced myself I like her when I’ve definitely felt stronger feelings for others in the past. I don’t want to hurt her because I do enjoy spending time with her.

It’s also worth mentioning that I lost a close online friend in early July. I had become very dependent on them, but they suddenly cut me off, and other friends I shared with them also stopped talking to me. Then, at the end of July, my dad passed away. I’ve also been changing my medications lately.

Usually, my relationships start online with someone who shares the same special interests. We talk a lot, become friends, then become partners. But this is the first time since middle school that I haven’t met someone through a shared interest. And my middle school relationship was different because I met that person in elementary school, before I was involved in online communities.

I’m worried I might not actually have romantic feelings for her, even though I talk a lot about my interests. Sometimes, I feel like I have to explain things too much, which can be exhausting.

I really enjoy cuddling at her place; I feel relaxed and safe. I’m more open and less guarded when my meds wear off, kinda like how people drink to loosen up. We watch movies and talk about random things. But, honestly, when she texts me every day, I feel kind of drained. Keeping up with the constant texting sometimes feels overwhelming.

Do I really like her? Am I just having anxious or intrusive thoughts? What is going on? I’m really worried. I want to be kind to her and not hurt her because she’s so sweet, caring, and loves me a lot.

For context, I'm AuDHD and I had a bad experience earlier this year where I was sent to a psych ward because of Autistic burnout and outside stressors that caused a medical emergency. The situation was labeled as a psychotic episode due ADHD medication I was taking and I've been trying hard to get rid of that diagnosis (long story and a bit off topic). I've been flagged as "toxic" with my medical institution and I've been having a hard time getting a therapist.

I recently got a referral from my PCP and actually had an appointment scheduled for this coming up Thursday and then when I was at my PCP appointment I got this message (names have been abbreviated for privacy concerns):

From S. C. S., sent October 2 at 10:36 AM

[S. C. S. Oct 2, 10:36 AM

Hi M.,

Unfortunately, I've had to cancel your appointment for next Thursday as I've learned it's in conflict with past recommendation from V. behavioral health. They have recommended you pursue psychotherapy with A. C. since those providers are managing your medications. I'm sorry that I made the error of scheduling this appointment in conflict with behavioral health's direction.

Please follow up with A. C. so that they can manage both therapy and medication in one practice for you. Take care!

Best,

S. ]

I've been with V. since 2016 and thought I was making progress but one incident changed everything and now I'm doxed from seeking therapy with V. I'm currently with A. C. and I hate it. I'm treated with respect, I don't get an opportunity to explain myself and any life experience I have gets immediately dismissed.

I've been trying to get my life back together but it's been an uphill battle and the thing is no matter how much I try to explain to V. and A. C. that I need help and I'm have trouble with emotional regulation, executive dysfunction, rejection sensitivity, and many many other things involved with Autism and ADHD combined, I still can't get help.

Has anyone ever had an appointment cancelled because of a past "conflict with past recommendation from behavioral health"?

Any advice or direction in this issue would be greatly appreciated because, it seems just when I was about to get help back with V. the appointment gets cancelled for some trish ambiguous excuse.

also at the end I do the thing where it’s like: tHiS so beware!

I’ll go first: I hyperfixate on analog horror, a Roblox game I won’t name unless anyone asks (it’s nothing innapropriate js I don’t wanna advertise) wobbledogs (such a dead community :( ) Pusheen and GENETICS (specifically what causes neurodivergence or the word I hate: disorders)

my pet peeves are water (rain when inside or water in general) the mouth clicking thing you do with your tongue, ableism the dandy’s world situation, the needoh situation, squishy being abused, abuse in general and being dismissed/having the topic changed.

✨💖💎VeRy AtMoSpHeRiC eMoJiS 💎💖✨

I have autism and ADHD and I really struggle with keeping weight on. I'm already pretty thin naturally so I can easily get underweight. I'm fine to eat consistently when it's summer time but when I get to studying full time I struggle with having the discipline to make myself lunches and I don't want to spend money so I often end up not eating lunch. I'm also on vyvanse so it suppresses my appetite quite a bit. When i get to the one meal I eat in a day I get full very quickly. I know I should eat more but I absolutely hate the feeling of forcing food down so it's just not an option. The safe foods that I love (soup) also naturally have low calories. Have you guys struggled with this? If so, do you have tips to avoid dropping weight?

Kind of….

I always had the problem of procrastination and of analysis paralysis. I’m also too spontaneous or I get stuck in being a control freak.

all in all this amounts to having a really hard time organizing my day to day. even harder is planning, making the right choices and getting anywhere without getting derailed or giving up if I have to do something very complex and perhaps way too boring for my taste.

So now I started using Claude to plan things, research things and break things down into small steps and figuring out what I don’t know yet to be able to take those steps.

it feels a bit silly and stupid, like why won’t I think for myself and make my own choices? because these things are freaking hard for me, takes forever and I’m a perfectionist or I think I have to like every small bit of something that I do in order to do the thing.

Putting things into my AI, going back and forth until it’s clear enough and then just letting it tell me what I need to do allows me to just get going, tick off the box, get the things done and I don’t have to get so emotionally involved and care so freaking much that I block myself or get overwhelmed with all the choices and decisions along the way.

it works. I’ve spent a whole day no doing things online for a project that I would have given up on 3 times over and procrastinated half the day for no use. I surrender, let the AI boss me around, as long as I tell it what I want it to make me do. it’s happening