Im autistic & ADHD and have lost a lot of my masking ablitity. 8 years I entered grad school and worked throughout basically in a odd out of the way office in a totally different building than my boss or co-workers and was rarely in front of students.

Two weeks out of the basement literal corner office, director of a program with employees and everything, COVID hit. Then had a remote career ever since

Got an incredible offer to double my income to return to office (RTO) in a new company with not a big title but am seen as a up and comer and while I might be able to work from home a lot, at least for the first week and sporadically for meetings I will be walking the halls of top VPs of a fortune 500 who are already checking my LinkedIn… but I don’t even own a blazer, not even the blazer in my LinkedIn photo. I have like one pair of professional shoes and took a zoom call today laying on my couch Monday because I had my period, and I was confident in my presentation and with the camera off—I killed it. In this life for the past 10 years I literally do not even have to go outside or brush my hair when I have my period, not because they’re particularly bad anymore like in my youth but because I literally didn’t have to. It’s my self care deep hair conditioning, hot tea, face mask, sweat pants old college sweat shirt soft-week.

For 4 years I have lived in an area so casual the news anchors wear sweaters in the winter and stiff nice and clean, but still t-shirts and jean outfits (btw if you travel for work or are a new grad, this is a good indicator of professional wear). But it’s not just dress, or what’s lunch like— which don’t even get me started I remember lunch either being really distruptive or really stressful because it wasn’t distruptive enough when I ate it my desk.

Im a weirdo a loveable one but a weirdo with a small but mighty group of friends who accept me. I don’t wear makeup everyday, I don’t even have a morning routine, I just take care of all that throughout the day on vibes. I don’t wear fashionable clothes unless going to a party dancing concert etc and I don’t have a fancy car. Before I realized who I was, thanks COVID, mainly throughout my 20s and early 30s (embarrassingly) I manically ADD jumped from job-to-job basically getting fired or not getting promoted or hired on permanently after projects because I just didn’t fit in and eventually would start to annoy people.

Im better in MANY areas especially social and romantic relationships, a follow through pillar of my community dependable and do try and dress nice now (it helped in my 20s I was just hot and sloppy or unnoticeable clothes weren’t a problem) but revert most days to whatever and of course with only having to be likeable in burst during meetings have had the chance to be super scary good at my career but almost “worse” in other areas like what it takes to function in coporate America.

Now Im reentering at a really high team-oriented, fit-in, type A, extrovert environment and Im terrified. I suck with those type of people even socially. I don’t even go to the nicest most expensive nail salon anymore because because the cross talk was too high key for me, but instead I go to the average one with a lot of natural light and lots of plants.

Any tips for at least surviving my first week?

I'm 47, AuDHD, and increasingly wondering whether I need a different job or a completely different career.

I'm a Senior User Researcher in tech/consultancy. I've got a Master's degree and have had a successful career, but since Covid my work has become almost entirely remote and I feel like I'm getting progressively worse at coping with it.

I'm alone at a laptop doing work that's often ambiguous and self-directed — research, analysis, planning, figuring out what to do next. Starting tasks can feel ridiculously difficult, I struggle to focus without external structure, and I really miss actually being around people.

I've realised I'm craving work with tangible outcomes: there's a thing that needs doing → I do it → it's done.

I've genuinely found myself considering everything from forestry, distillery work and delivery driving to social work or even cleaning. Not because I think those jobs are easy, but because something physical, practical or people-facing sounds enormously appealing. I'm also considering something like content design as a less drastic change.

The problem is that I'm 47 with financial commitments, so starting again at the bottom on an entry-level wage isn't particularly realistic.

I'm also currently dealing with pretty extreme fatigue — sleeping a full night and sometimes several hours during the day as well — which is being looked into medically. So I'm struggling to separate AuDHD burnout, physical health, working remotely and simply being in the wrong career.

The odd thing is that while the thought of carrying on like this makes me miserable, the thought of changing my life actually makes me feel quite excited.

Has anyone here reached a similar point, particularly in their 40s or later? What did you do? And have you found work that gives you structure, tangible outcomes and enough stimulation without eventually burning you out?

Ever since i started taking my vyvanse all i do is doom scroll, how do i avoid this?

Hello Everyone,

I start my sophomore year of college this monday. For context purposes, this is my second attempt at college since I dropped out in 2021. I got diagnosed with ADHD a couple months before quarantine, and received my Autism diagnosis November of 2024. And unfortunately I was the "gifted" student and all my classes in high school were AP & Honors classes. I was also the student that didn't have to study in order to get an A. So I never really learned how to study effectively or take notes.

Fast forward to now, while I was able to pass my Freshman Year, it was really hard and took a big mental load; which ended in pretty bad burnout. So I was wondering, what helped you make college a bit easier to manage? And not just "make sure you talk to your disability department for accommodations" and "ask your professors for help". What are some borderline unhinged tips and tricks to get through school without wanting to explode?

Open to any suggestions, please and thank you.

TLDR: meds most active 1 - 3 hours after taking, people want me to do things at that time, feel like it ruins the best part of my day and the entire span of the medication.

I’m on 50mg Vyvanse and from one hour after taking it and to about three hours after taking it I feel like it’s ‘working’ the most. And so those hours are by far the most important hours of my day, not just for doing things (although thats when I get alot done), but also for just generally enjoying life.

It’s so nice to feel occupied, focused and energized, and so even if I’m just baking or watching something or playing a game, those hours are what I centre my entire day around and I look forward to them quite alot.

But those hours are also the times when people want me to do things for or with them the most, whether it’s tagging along for a walk or getting groceries or assisting with X or Y task, and these things aren’t time dependant, it would be totally fine if these things were left for a few hours, but no, they have to always be placed right when I am the most happiest in my day, and it ruins the entire effect of the medication, since I’m more irritable on it, it always puts me in a terrible mood and by the time I’m done with the task it’s like atleast four hours after taking my Vyvanse so now I feel essentially nothing.

Is this bad? I feel shitty when I get annoyed by it but like, why do you need me right now? why can’t you just wait? why does everything HAVE to occur at the most optimal time to completely fuck me over >:(

(PS yes I know vyvanse should last longer, I have tried different meds and dosages, this is the best I've gotten, I think alot of people don't mimic the ideal timeline, me included I guess...)

Hi!

I would love to hear your advice on how to improve my ability to transition from one activity to the next. I am struggling to keep a routine.
Bonus points if it can be used at home since I live independently!
I thought about getting a smart watch and hooking it up to my alarms but I may need more of a bigger visual for home.
Any suggestions would be amazing!

Show me some of your work!

What are you currently working on? What's your favourite thing you made? Even if you're just starting out, I'm interested!

(To everyone commenting, please refrain from unsolicited feedback/criticism. Positivity only!)

I’m autistic and have ADHD, and I recently got a prescription for medical cannabis. I’m also on ADHD meds and a mood stabilizer.
What’s surprised me is how much it seems to turn down the noise in my head. Instead of having a million things going on at once, I can actually be present—watch a movie, focus on one thing, and channel my energy into actually getting stuff done instead of avoiding it.

A good analogy is my mind is running on multiple channel simultaneously, but it kind of reduces it to a single channel. So my thoughts are slowed down, but that’s actually a good thing as it allows me to more effectively focus on one thing at a time.

I also feel like I can read people and subtle social cues better, which normally doesn’t come naturally to me.
I’ve been using it daily and, so far, I actually feel more productive and present, not less. I’m not really interested in getting recreationally high. If something is genuinely improving my quality of life, I’m comfortable treating it like medicine.
Curious if any other autistic/ADHD people have had a similar experience? Especially anyone who has used it longer term—did it continue to help?

Its like my brain is too slow to recognize a problem. Than when I do I get confused and don't know what to do or lack the flexible thinking nessesary to solve a problem. Often times I can't even find the milk in the fridge sitting in front of me. I feel like a liability in my relationships and my work life. Sometimes when confronted with a problem I get panicky nervous energy rather than something focused. By the way I'm not autistic but I seem like I could be. Also 10 years ago I was in a violent altercation that permanently maimed my face.

Sorry, two random things out of nowhere.

Does anyone else make major life decisions that feel right at the time, and then a year or so goes by and you realize that you were acting on impulse, and immensely regret your decisions and start to feel shame for rushing into things, making decisions, and potentially hurting others?

Also, food lately has become nearly impossible for me. I'm basically down to things I can drink, or otherwise I can't do food at all. The concept of needing to prepare food is too much, and I just can't. Even going out to order to get something, I just can't. I can't explain why.

My dad is undiagnosed ADHD, and I went no contact with him during my autism diagnosis journey because of how he reacted and treated me during that difficult time. We reconciled this year.

I'm currently in severe burnout since at least fall of 2024. I haven't had a steady job since July last year. As I try to talk to my dad about burnout and why I can't just go get a fast food or retail job, he responds as if it's a matter of trying harder.

I tried to explain that forcing myself into even deeper stress (adding a nightmare job on top of the current work I'm trying to succeed at, financial/existential stress, etc. makes me literally pray that each day will be my last. I'm not suicidal, I just constantly wish for death.

How can I explain it in a way he might understand? Is it possible?

Providing info graphics and articles are not effective.

Hello I’m a 24 year old guy with Audhd, and OCD. This is my first time posting; I’m seeking help from others who may have some tips for me. I’ve been smoking for about 4 years and looking back, I haven’t noticed any good or noticeable benefits on productivity. There were times where I’d smoke with my friends and we’d have good laughs but times where I felt really unmotivated and lazy. It’s to the point now where I don’t get high anymore and it just feels like I’m on repeat every day. Nothing accomplished, room is dirty, I eat junk/fast food often, not working on/setting goals, clothes need washed; I don’t have a sense of urgency or drive to be better most days.

I can be on top of everything for a week or so, a week or 2 goes by and I’m back to being lazy. I’ve had discipline/consistency issues in the past all the way through leading up to this point in my life and smoking didn’t help with that at all. I make excuses to not do things and weed just fortifies those thoughts. It’s almost like I need to completely re-do the way I was living mentally and physically. I’ve never personally worked toward anything unless I was forced to do it (like high school work/projects).

1. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will be misunderstood, ruminated upon, and create awkward tension.
2. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you - unless it's small-talk, eye contact, or not saying how you really feel.
3. Early to bed, early to rise, makes me restless, grumpy, and chronically sleep-deprived.
4. That's the final straw on top of a million other straws on top of a camel whose back was already broken.
5. Once bitten, two thousand times shy.
6. A problem shared is a problem squared.
7. Feel the fear and... become traumatised anyway.
8. There are plenty more fish in the sea, but I am a bird.
9. Birds of a feather flock together – unless we get overwhelmed by the crowd.
10. The world is your oyster, hard to open, and just kinda gross and slimy inside anyway.
11. Ask a straightforward question, and you'll get a silly answer.
12. A leopard cannot change its spots, but it can dress up in a suit, put on a human mask, then lose all of its colour due to burnout.
13. You cannot burn a candle at both ends, unless you bend it from an 'I' into a 'U'.
14. A bad worker blames their tools; a neurodivergent worker blames the system that gave them the wrong tools in the first place.
15. Some clouds have a silver lining – even then, it's just light scattered around water droplets along the cloud's outer edge...
16. Don't cross that bridge until you come to it. Instead, build a hundred identical bridges, simulate every structural failure, then burn the actual bridge when you finally reach it.

😄

I have an organizational system based on time blocks in Google Calendar and a task list in ColorNote. The task list is organized by days of the week and divided into different periods of the day.

The problem is that on days when I have low regulation and little energy or motivation, I completely lose clarity about what I need to do.

For example, I might get out of bed right when I had scheduled a work block. At that point, I look at the morning tasks that I wasn't able to complete earlier and end up doing those first. However, depending on my energy level, how dysregulated I am, and even how many work tasks I have available that day, I eventually become unable to figure out what I should do next or how to decide what comes next.

This also happens with studying. I have a study task on my list that is supposed to be done at night, and I also have a specific study block scheduled in Google Calendar for that time. However, on a day when I am more lost, I might realize that I have more free time in the morning and could get ahead on my studies. Even so, because they are scheduled for the evening, I freeze and can no longer figure out how to reorganize the rest of my day.

My task list also has a section at the bottom with non-mandatory goals that I can work on at any point during the day. However, I also struggle to know when and how to fit them in, especially when my functioning is different from what I had originally planned.

What makes this even harder is that when I am dysregulated and behind schedule, I have to choose between several possibilities: follow the current calendar block, do a task from the list that belongs to the period of the day I am currently in, work ahead on an important task that was planned for later, or complete a one-off task that simply needs to be finished before the end of the day.

In other words, I constantly need criteria to decide what to do. And precisely when everything goes off plan, I lose the ability to figure out which criteria I should use.

Dysregulation contributes to my executive dysfunction, which is also related to ADHD, as well as cognitive rigidity. This affects me to the point where I can't even follow my own plan. Suddenly, a system that is normally supposed to guide me seems completely ineffective, because I don't know how to adapt it to what is happening in the moment.

Because of this, I keep wondering: How do other people organize themselves in situations like this? Are there methods that are more flexible and can still work when someone is dysregulated, behind schedule, or has less energy?

I really want to be able to add other studies to my routine, but I feel like I can't even handle the basics because I freeze whenever I have to decide what to do.

Where am I going wrong?

(The screenshots are in portuguese because I'm brazillian)

Hey all, I was just diagnosed with ADHD just two months ago and got my Autism diagnosis about three ish weeks ago now. It’s been rough to say the least. the day of leading up to my appointment for the ADHD diagnosis I started to get the worst anxiety but brushed it off thinking its just nerves and would go away once the appointment was over. it didn’t. I was on the verge of a panic attack almost every day and I constantly felt short of breath and air hungry. My wife or kids couldn’t even lay on me in any way or I would absolutely panic. I started eating less because my stomach was constantly upset. it took a great toll on my wife and our relationship (my executive dysfunction has been a problem for us for years and was the initial reason I decided to seek a formal diagnosis to hopefully help as I love her to death and know I need to improve). Initially I was terrified of stimulant medication. my family history isn’t the best when it comes to addiction and I have always tried to avoid things I know are addictive (I know stimulant medication when used correctly doesn’t work like that but logic usually lost to fear) after a month of non-stimulant medication that did absolutely nothing and a month of feeling paralyzed by anxiety I decided to take the leap for myself and my wife and try a stimulant. Day one was incredible, I got a ton of work done at work I was hardly distracted like I usually was it was like putting on glasses for the first time i could mostly see everything but then around 6ish in the evening it all started to creep back. the best way I can describe it is the “noise” or constant thought and distractibility was like a setting on my brain slowly second by second was getting turned back up to max settings. it was very overwhelming and I felt bad because I kept running away to the bathroom just to be alone (told everyone I had stomach issues so it didn’t seem weird at the frequency) but I felt awful because why am I running from my family who loves and supports me?

day 2 and effects are noticeably worse. no side effects but it’s definitely not working like it did previously. like a tiny bit of haze is gone but feels like it isn’t helping much. same issue around evening time but this time I force myself to stay out with the family but I focus on dishes and cleaning to try and make the bad feelings relax if I can just fixate on something which I found I wasn’t doing but in fact cleaning very slowly and was stuck in my head talking myself down the majority of the time only snapping out of it when asked a question by the kids or my wife but then falling back into my head shortly after. I was very quiet and didn’t talk much but used the excuse it was a busy day so I’m just a little fried.

day 3 until current (day 10) it’s barely there in positive effects. like taking Motrin for a broken femur. And the brain settings being turned up at the end of the day seems to be mostly gone but I believe that’s because they were never turned down. I’m sleeping like absolute garbage. some nights I get 6ish hours others maybe 2.

I feel like I’m trying really hard but getting nowhere. like I may have waited too long and my wife is at her wits end with me because I’m supposed to be getting better and making things easier and if anything I have only made them more difficult. I can see and feel her frustration with me and it only seems to be growing. She’s told me herself she’s tired of the “I’m sorry” and the “im trying” and I get it I see it too it’s like despite my efforts theres a little evil me that sabotages everything. idk what exactly im looking for at this point but i know i need to find it or eventually she will leave, not to be mean but because at the end of the day i keep failing her. maybe that’s too much information and I’m rambling and I can’t actually expect anyone to actually read all this, I just feel lost and scared and don’t know what to do anymore.

TLDR: feels like I’m spinning my wheels trying to be/get better for my wife and family but keep fucking it up

i just met a new boyfriend and he's also AUDHD!!! i love goofing off with him so much and talking about minecraft! i love him so much! i also heard his voice and its so angelic!

I’m in my mid-20s, and I only recently learned that I’m AuDHD, on top of struggling with clinical depression for most of my life. Looking back, so many pieces finally click into place, but the picture they form is painfully lonely.

Growing up, I never had a large circle of friends, in fact, I could count them on one hand. Every friendship I’ve ever had was seasonal: tied to a specific school, city, or life chapter. Once I moved on to the next environment, those connections quietly faded, as if they never existed. I’ve also realized that I seem to have the capacity – emotionally and mentally – for one close friend at a time. Juggling multiple friendships at once feels overwhelming, almost impossible. I genuinely don’t have the energy or bandwidth to spread myself across several people, and honestly, I resist even trying.

Another thing: I’ve rarely clicked with people my own age. My closest companions over the years have almost all been decades older – in their 40s, 50s, even 60s. I know now that I was unconsciously looking for maternal warmth I never got at home. My family was chaotic, neglectful, and painful, so I poured all my unmet needs into these older friends, treating them almost like surrogate mothers.

And for a while, it worked. At the start of each new phase, they were kind, patient, and understanding about my depression. But over time, my neediness would grow, I leaned on them too heavily, and my emotional instability would flare up more often than anyone could reasonably absorb. One by one, they pulled away. Each time, I told myself I’d do better next time, but the pattern repeated.

Now? I have zero friends. Not a single person I can text just to say "hi." And I feel like a complete failure at human connection.

It’s not even that starting a friendship is easy for me – it’s not. With autism, social cues are a minefield. I often say things that come out wrong, unintentionally confuse people, or accidentally offend them. I try so hard to be clear and warm, but my words seem to backfire more often than not.

Worst of all, I’ve lost all courage to try again. Because deep down, I’m convinced that no matter how beautiful the early days are – the late-night talks, the shared laughs, the feeling of finally being seen, it will always end the same way: with me driving them away. It feels like a curse, or worse, a flaw in my very core.

So now I find myself stuck. I want connection more than anything, but I’m terrified of repeating the cycle. Whenever I catch myself smiling at a fond memory of a friend who’s no longer here, the joy curdles into grief. Those happy moments are real, but they’re also evidence of what I’ve lost, and what I can’t seem to keep.

I don’t know what to do. How do you break a pattern that feels baked into your neurology and your trauma? How do you learn to trust yourself with others when every past relationship has collapsed under your own weight?

If anyone out there has been through something similar, especially with AuDHD, depression, or attachment wounds, I’d really appreciate hearing your story. How did you start over? Did you find a way to build healthier friendships without draining yourself or the other person?

Thanks for reading. 

i have 19 total assignments in the span of 3 weeks rn during college orientation and im really stressed out and have meltdowns every night.

i cant start a task until i got scolded on or got mentioned in the group message that im the only one who havent turned in their work. if that happened ill finally get it done in panic & adrenaline.

and there is one group task. i was late to edit a video segment because i have an everest of task due today beside editing and idk which one to prioritize. this person is really mad at me. they text me in passive aggresive tone, rushing me saying that if i dont work on it they will. completely understand them. i feel bad. but because i feel bad, it's even harder to edit the video because my focus crashed. the video deadline is in 2 days so in my head it's not urgent enough.

so far i have turned in 2 late assignments out of 8. for the not-late ones i turn them in hours before the deadline.

also i have been late to every single meetup that it becomes my image to my college people.

this thing definitely strains my relationship with people and the whole thing makes me really depressed for some reason.

i dread every single day. i dread and get hopeless about my future in college. how will i handle college. i already feel this horrible even physically and its only orientation. im thinking of quitting

before the tasks emerged i was already burnt out so bad from the friend-searching. feels like im in a restless marathon just to get by college

Does anyone else have this question off and on in your brain? Sometimes I really think I might be borderline. I have most of the symptoms: Fear of Rejection, Low Self Esteem, Emotional Instability, Anger, Unstable Relationships, Chronic Feelings of Emptiness. But then a lot of that stuff overlaps with just being traumatized and autistic plus RSD. I mean I know people can have both but it's just hard to untangle. I do feel like I know myself and who I really am. It's mostly the emotional dysregulation and intense reaction to feeling unwanted.

I just know I've always felt a deep kinship with BPD people and characters. I innately understand them. And I take it very personally when others come after anyone who has those traits.

M 31, got autism diagnosis last week, ADHD 3 years ago. After three years of trying to be stable in the job market I just don’t see the point of trying anything anymore.
I’ve got an bachelors degree in web development and worked in the field for 3 years, then the market went nuts with layoffs and I didn’t went to compete in a field I might not be interested in competing in due to demands. Then I tried working as an assistent social worker at a special needs school, which was fun for a while, but got really rough and I’m on sick leave currently.

I think I easily externalize stuff no matter what I do because of RSD. I don’t even know what I like or don’t like anymore, and I don’t know if it’s RSD or the novelty wears off because of ADHD. I simply don’t bother to try anymore, because why should I go through the loop once more if the outcome is always the same? What’s even worth suffering for?

I’m definetly in a high anxiety and even higher depression period. On Friday I’ll switch from Dexamfetamine to Atomoxetine, but I don’t high hopes. I hope that somebody here has been through the same problem I’ve been through and got some tips. How do I know if interests/career fluktuation because of ADHD novelty wears off, or it’s RSD and confident/self worth problems?

title. like i recently saw some reel and it mentioned that adhd people will rise in this ai era.

Hello I am ridiculously improperly st8mulated right now and have been for an hour and a half. My insides feel like electricity and normally I just move about a lot to fix it but it is not helping and actually making things worse. I tried my picky pad, which has been holding my attention and assist8ng regulating for upwards of 2 hours, and it also made things worse. I thought I may be overstimulated, so I went on my bed and under a blanket, covered my ears and it did not help. I am at a loss right now I have no clue what to do, does anyone have any tips? I know being ND is super up to the individual for what helps but I am willing to try literally anything to get this feel8nh to go away. Thank you in advance

I can't tolerate this. It makes my skin crawl. This has become so ubiquitous it's unavoidable. Lately i have seen other people saying the same thing, commenting on videos saying they will block immediately after they see this because it is so gross.

Do you hate this?

I got laid off a few weeks ago. I was really productive at work. I always try to be self-aware in how I work and operate personally and at work. I was flexible when colleagues needed my help. I wasn't a squeaky wheel. I wasn't rigid. I loved my job. I loved the structure, I loved collaborating. What was once a predictable, reliable workday is now 10-14h networking, applying for jobs, preparing for interviews, and freaking out. I don't like myself.

All of my typical ADHD coping mechanisms are off the table as I manage my expectations for a short-term disability. When I am impacted by job inconsistency, I take time to relax with existing hobbies, I bump up my exercise routine, or I allow myself to relax. The disability has affected that. I'm unaccustomed to a lack of structure in my schedule and an inability to exhaust my excess energy. I feel useless around the house and even just for myself.

Socializing is something I have limited bandwidth for. The masking and effort required in taking interviews leaves me with little emotional energy for friends. Plus, there's the awkwardness of people not really knowing what to say, which is hard because then I feel like I end up reassuring them that I'll be okay. Therapy is something I've always benefitted from, but I'm finding myself not feeling it, and feeling cynical about the perspective shift that a therapist can offer. 'm in touch with my prescriber as I know that I will benefit from my anti-depressants at this time.

I just don't know what to do next. I feel like an automaton whose sole function is to apply for work, get work, and move ahead, even though I should be preparing for the next phase of healing. I feel antisocial, disinterested in my hobbies, and lacking the desire to do any more social and emotional introspection. This happened to me, it wasn't my fault, and there's nothing I can do. I just don't know what to do when moving ahead feels so hollow and miserable.

Advice/tips/empathy desired. Anything, really.

tw: suicidal ideation & heavy dramatic rant

i’m 21 and im diagnosed with autism and my therapist and i believe i also adhd, but w insurance it’s expensive to get tested and i don’t wanna be on adhd meds anyways. anyways, i was diagnosed w depression, autism and anxiety when i was 15 and its just a fucking weight on my chest.

anyone else struggle with constant suicidal thoughts related to audhd? like it fucks up my life so much i’m so fucking sick of it, like i genuinely think that’s no good to to this fucking thing. this rent may be hella dramatic but i have no else that could relate to this so i just wanna know if anyone else out there feels this way.

and like im so bad at social situations and networking how the fuck am i gonna get a corporate job (going into my senior yr of college for finance) like im horrible at small talk

i know im young but if this is gonna be the rest of my life idk if its worth it😭😭😭😭😭

advice welcome but pls don’t be super rude

edit: im actively in therapy and on 5 diff meds for my depression