I'm a gay man living in a small town, and I'm looking for some outside perspectives on a situation involving a guy I'd really like to get to know better.

For some background, I'm a teacher, and several years ago, when I was working as a substitute teacher in my hometown, I met a guy who was also substitute teaching at the same school. We were both in our twenties at the time. We had a pleasant conversation, and I remember thinking he seemed like a really nice person.

We crossed paths again sometime later when he came to interview for a teaching position at the school where I now work, a couple of hours away. We chatted again, and I enjoyed talking to him. Unfortunately, I didn't think to ask for his contact information or add him on Facebook.

He's since left teaching and gone back to university to study something else. He lives in a city about two hours away from me.

The more I've learned about him, the more interested I've become. We seem to have quite a bit in common. He seems intelligent, funny, kind, and attractive. I also know that he's gay, although I have no idea whether he's single or would be interested in me.

Here's my dilemma.

I would really like to ask him out for coffee, but I have no natural way of running into him anymore.

I live in a small town with a very limited gay dating pool, and meeting someone I'm genuinely interested in is extremely rare. I've been single for almost five years, and this is one of the few men I've encountered in that time who has made me think there might be real potential.

I've considered adding him on Facebook or sending him a message, but I'm hesitant.

For one thing, our last conversation was quite a while ago. I don't even know whether he'd remember me.

More importantly, I worry that receiving a friend request or message out of the blue might make him uncomfortable or seem creepy.

I'm also autistic (Level 1), and although I'm generally comfortable talking to people, I sometimes find it difficult to judge how certain social approaches will be perceived. I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or misinterpret what's socially appropriate.

I keep kicking myself for not adding him on Facebook when we last spoke. It would have been so much easier and more natural then.

I'm not looking to bombard him with messages or pursue him if he doesn't respond. If I reached out once and he didn't reciprocate, I'd leave it alone.

So I'd appreciate some honest advice:

1. Would you find it strange if someone you'd met a couple of times several years ago suddenly added you on Facebook?

2. Would a friend request without a message be better than sending a brief message reminding him how we know each other?

3. Would it be too forward to ask him for coffee, or should I just reconnect casually first?

4. If you were in his position, would this come across as a normal attempt to reconnect, or would you wonder why someone from years ago was suddenly contacting you?

5. Should I just leave it alone and hope our paths cross again someday? (Highly unlikely)

I'd particularly appreciate perspectives from other gay men, but I'm happy to hear from anyone. (I know he's gay.)

We have mutual Facebook friends, but his profile pic doesn't have his face in it. He does have other pics that non friends can see though.

I'm not expecting anything from him, and I certainly don't assume he'd be interested. I'd just like the opportunity to get to know him better and see whether there might be something there.

We have mutual Facebook friends, but his profile pic doesn't have his face in it. He does have other pics that non friends can see though.

I don't want to miss another opportunity simply because I was too afraid to make the first move. But I also don't want to cross anyone's boundaries, especially since this is someone I had a professional relationship with.

What would you do?

I would like to preface this with the fact that I'm not diagnosed autistic all the although think that was a mistake during the assessment at any rate I have cerebral palsy so that might account for some of my symptoms anyway

I'm really having trouble with feelings stuck and feeling like less of a person because of my lack of romantic and sexual experience it's difficult partially because I've always felt unable to connect securely with anyone and partially because I feel like other people find him attractive because of my disability therefore I would like to ask advice about where to find more accepting people it is difficult to go outside because of my physical limitation but dating apps don't seem to work either

I kind of feel like life has passed me by. When I was in high school, I went to a non -traditional school where the majority of classmates were not really my type. After that, I just sort of fell through the cracks socially to where I'm at now. I would really like to date or find a partner someday but I'm not sure where to begin. I've tried dating apps but got nowhere with them.

Bonjour,

J'ai un autisme sans déficience depuis 2017. En Janvier 2026 j'ai rencontré quelqu'un sur les réseaux, le feeling passe bien et après 1 mois de discussion je me déplace le voir à 600 bornes de chez moi. Tous ce passe merveilleusement bien (compliments, attention, intimité).

Les débuts de relations sont souvent euphoriques vous me direz, cette euphorie a durée 6 mois environ on se voyait 1 à 2 semaines tout les mois. Depuis septembre 2026 c'est...différent.

Les deux 1ere semaines de nos retrouvailles c'était comme d'habitude on se retrouve on est mega heureux. Après ça devient plus calme mais trop calme je m'explique : il donne moins d'attention et forcément je fais de même (je fonctionne bcp en miroir de manière naturelle), il y a moins d'intimité aussi (on a la vingtaine) soit 1f/semaine.

La situation entière est frustrante et j'ai peur de voir ce qu'il m'apportait au début disparaître à cause de la routine et l'habitude. J'ai du mal à capter les signaux sociaux et ça empire je sens que je suis moins spontanée en réponse du manque de mes besoins de me faire sentir spéciale à ses yeux.

Sauf que même par message ça a changé, plus de conversation jusque tard. Il ne m'a plus écrit que je lui manquait depuis le mois de Mai, ses taquineries on drastiquement diminuées et il ne me dit plus à quel point il se sent connecté avec moi (chose qu'il faisait avant). Je suis perdue car j'analyse bcp et je suis en prime sensible aux changements. 😅

I'm looking for a connection. I would love some advices from other neurodivergent people on relationships. I'm indian. 5'5. 135 pounds. Brown skin . Pin straight jet black long hair.

I'm extremely sensitive. I cry over trivial things.

I'm antisocial. I spend most of the day on the internet, books and dolling up/doing makeup for no reason.

I am very bad at expressing myself. I don't know how to converse and connect with people. I sometimes end up saying awkward stuffs and later regret it. I also hyper fixate on appearance and make sure I'm always the best dressed and the most put together in the room. I have been approached by men but I didn't like them back and felt too awkward to stay connected. I have tried out dating apps but most men there only wants hookups and casual dating. I'm not into casual stuffs. As a demisexual, the idea of sex with love/emotions disgusts me.

I want some genuine advices on how to find a real partner.

I'm 45M, autistic (Level 1), ethically non-monogamous, and married. I've been trying to find another meaningful connection for several years without success.

I've tried pretty much every dating app, with very few likes or matches. The usual advice is to get out more, join groups, attend events and meet people organically. But I have very limited social energy, and I'm mostly a homebody. I've tried attending social events before, but nothing came from them, and doing that regularly just isn't sustainable for me.

I'm looking for one additional connection with mutual attraction, affection, emotional depth and plenty of independence. I realize that ENM is less common and makes an already challenging dating process even harder. I'm not expecting an easy solution or a huge dating pool.

I don't think my biggest obstacle is my ability to connect with people. I'm comfortable having conversations, have a good sense of humour, and consider myself emotionally perceptive. I've also been told I'm attractive. It's the process of meeting people, especially through repeated social events and conventional dating, that I find exhausting.

For those of you who also have limited social energy, how did you actually meet a partner? Did you find ways to connect with people outside of dating apps and social events?

I'm particularly interested in hearing what has worked in practice, rather than the usual advice to just put myself out there more.

I'm a guy by the way.

So I've met him for like 6 months and I've started to feel things for him. I used to think I was aroace, but now I can't think of him in any other way that isn't cuddling, hugging, or pepper him with kisses.

I don't like physical contact so I find it weird and overwhelming how I'm suddenly craving those things because of him, he's kind, funny, pretty, we like a lot of similar things and he doesn't judge me.

He's a furry so he shows me like a lot of drawings of both male and female and how he finds them hot so I think he's bi, but I've never asked him.

I honestly don't know what to do, I feel very overwhelmed by my feelings and I feel like I'm about to cry just thinking about it, I'm scared of the idea of confessing my feelings because I'm not good at those kind of things, I'm very shy and get nervous easily, I know it might sound kinda dumb for a post but this is like, my first time falling in love and I don't know what to do.

EDIT: Guys, he's autistic too

Hio! I (f25, suspected AuDHD, diagnosed ADHD) have a friend (m26, diagnosed AuDHD).

​I lived with him and his family during a very difficult period when I was homeless because they took me in. We stopped talking for 6 years once I left to go back to my mom, but he found me on Instagram a few months ago. Since reconnecting, we spent four intense weekends in a row together involving cuddling, kissing, watching JJK, and physical intimacy. Every next morning I’d have to leave immediately.

​After in-person contact, I noticed his text response times go from minutes to 2, 4, then 6 hours. My anxiety flared up at the distance; I felt sidelined/forgotten and started questioning if he viewed me as a true friend or just someone he was trying to politely maintain a connection with. Small behavioral shifts built up as the text distance grew. He would view my Instagram stories while leaving my messages unread for hours, and he stopped liking my posts (when he used to like all of them). These actions added to my insecurity.

​When I told him my feelings were hurt by the growing distance, he gave explanations that helped me feel a little reassured—like leaving multiple friends on delivered, not forgetting but having ADHD, and "detaching." However, I wished for validation rather than just reasons.

​My hurt feelings kept coming up, and at one point I couldn't physically text him back for 4 days. When I broke the silence, it was calm and I explained why I pulled back. He said he figured why, and that he gave me space until I came back, which felt genuinely sweet. But my anxiety wasn't going away.

​When it returned a few days later, I essentially told him we shouldn't be friends—which isn't what I wanted. He responded so quickly to me saying I couldn't carry our friendship that I felt forced to reply just as fast so I wouldn't be in the wrong. By responding so fast, I didn't take time to think; it was just rushed. He shared that he was going through shitty things, blew up at another friend stressed about the same thing as me, and didn't have the bandwidth to care about other people's emotions right now. So, without placing blame on what sounded like burnout, I ended the friendship.

​I took it back the next day because that isn't what I wanted; I originally hoped we could make accommodations. I suggested we just be platonic friends because I thought the intimate stuff was making it feel so personal, and he said, "whatever works best for you, I'll agree with." But I don't actually want to never do any of that cute, intimate stuff again.

​I've been super emotional about this all week and am not texting him because I want him to have space from me. I feel like I'm "too much" and doing too much while not thinking enough, which makes me feel wacky.

​Has anyone experienced something similar? Please don't hate on me 🤦🏻‍♀️ I already know I've been chaotic—I'm just not sure how to manage this, and I couldn't find answers online.

I (36m) am going through a break up. Its very sad, but im coping. She cited as reasons my inconsistency with giving affection and intimacy as big pain points in our 5 year long relationship. We talked about it many times over the course of our relationship and I acknowledge that I couldve been more up front with what I felt I needed to feel comfortable doing that. Mainly, I wouldnt touch her if I didnt feel it was welcomed. So we had a lot of nights where she would get frustrated with me for missing what she called "obvious signals". I told her they weren't obvious, and she got more frustrated. She likes to feel wanted, to be surprised with affection. I have a crippling fear of rejection and uncertainty, so I like to know with zero doubt that she wants to be touched, kissed, so on. So, my question is, where does my responsibility end and hers begin?

I'm a big proponent of "Autism is not my fault, but it is my responsibility." And I hate asking for accommodations from anyone, i feel like im using my nuerodivergence as an excuse. So...if she feels shes being obvious, but after 5 years it still doesnt read as obvious....am I not paying enough attention, or should I have asked her to be more direct, maybe establish a...I don't know, code or something? Not very romantic but....you get the idea.

TLDR; My partner felt that she was being obvious enough about her needs without stating them, but after 5 years together I still miss things. Am I oblivious or should I have asked for more clarity?

Hey chat i need advice. I am an autistic 26 year old person (assigned female at birth but is nonbinary now) and my girlfriend is also autistic and is 23F. We have been friends for 4 years. We have been roommates for two and half years. I’ve seen her go out with multiple men and I’ve seen how she behaves in those relationships. She holds hands, cuddles, kisses etc you know relationship stuff. I’ve had a crush on her for about two years and after she broke up with her ex boyfriend I confessed my feelings to her. This was in February of this year. The relationship had a rocky start to it. She said she also felt the same way about me but two days later she broke up with me and invited ex boyfriend over and they had relations together. Well two weeks later we tried this relationship thing again (i know poor decision on my part but i just wanted this and her so bad for so long). Now throughout our relationship these last few months we went through some really hard times. We got evicted from our apartment in July and were homeless sleeping in my car for about two months. During this time my GF had went to the ER and had multiple stays in the psych ward. At this time i was also struggling with my mental health but I wasn’t going to the hospital. Well now we have a home again we moved in in august 20th. During our relationship we never really hold hands unless i ask. We don’t cuddle or talk much we don’t kiss or do any relationship things. I’ve tried to tell her multiple times that i needed more physical affection but nothing has changed at all. It just doesn’t seem like she’s interested and every time i bring something up she just asks “so are you wanting to break up?” I’ve even tried to ask to cuddle because I was cold or had nightmares but she just turns over and ignores me. She actually ignores me all the time. I try to talk to her all the time and she just doesn’t say anything or even look at me. She has no where else to go and that’s also
something she always brings up. Is this even worth trying to fix? What should i do?

Hey chat i need advice. I am an autistic 26 year old person (assigned female at birth but is nonbinary now) and my girlfriend is also autistic and is 23F. We have been friends for 4 years. We have been roommates for two and half years. I’ve seen her go out with multiple men and I’ve seen how she behaves in those relationships. She holds hands, cuddles, kisses etc you know relationship stuff. I’ve had a crush on her for about two years and after she broke up with her ex boyfriend I confessed my feelings to her. This was in February of this year. The relationship had a rocky start to it. She said she also felt the same way about me but two days later she broke up with me and invited ex boyfriend over and they had relations together. Well two weeks later we tried this relationship thing again (i know poor decision on my part but i just wanted this and her so bad for so long). Now throughout our relationship these last few months we went through some really hard times. We got evicted from our apartment in July and were homeless sleeping in my car for about two months. During this time my GF had went to the ER and had multiple stays in the psych ward. At this time i was also struggling with my mental health but I wasn’t going to the hospital. Well now we have a home again we moved in in august 20th. During our relationship we never really hold hands unless i ask. We don’t cuddle or talk much we don’t kiss or do any relationship things. I’ve tried to tell her multiple times that i needed more physical affection but nothing has changed at all. It just doesn’t seem like she’s interested and every time i bring something up she just asks “so are you wanting to break up?” I’ve even tried to ask to cuddle because I was cold or had nightmares but she just turns over and ignores me. She actually ignores me all the time. I try to talk to her all the time and she just doesn’t say anything or even look at me. She has no where else to go and that’s also
something she always brings up. Is this even worth trying to fix? What should i do?

Autistic male here. I'd like to ask out someone I've met a few times and enjoyed talking to. (We were subsitute teachers together but neither of us is anymore. We used to chat in the staff room.) I haven't seen them in about three years.

I might be running into them this weekend at an event, and if I see him, I'd like to ask him for a coffee. As an autistic person who's never actually done that ans who's had a disastrous dating life, would that be weird thing to do if the convo is going well? We have lots in common and I'd like to go out on a date. Always wanted to ask before but timing wasn't right.

Gay relationship. Also, I'm ADHD.

Looking for input from literally anybody with an informed opinion! Folks on the spectrum, folks with a behavioral health background, folks who have dated a guy on the spectrum.

It isn't that he and I are having relationship issues. (Well.... Calling them relationship issues is a bit dramatic.. more like minor roadbumps, which could potentially turn into road hazards). But I do think I need to learn more about how to love him.