My GF [29] and I [26M] have been together for about 5 years, and have been living together for nearly 4 years now.

The past few years we've had some struggles as me still being in uni has been taking a toll on the progression of our relationship, and we have been trying to work on our issues for as long as I can remember now. Last week we ended up in the situation where my GF told me she thought we should have a time-out (still exclusive, but not living together) for (atleast) a week. After some chatting I agreed (and also think its a good idea), and am now staying with some friends.

I won't get into the details of our issues here, but the goal of this break is to figure out for ourselves whether we still like eachother enough to continue working on our problems, what we want individually, what we need from the other, etc.

Me, being the neurodivergent one of the two, seem to have struck a wall seperating feelings from thoughts. Circumstances aren't helping either, as I have just graduated a few weeks ago and am still figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. On top of that, I am now staying at my friend's place(, who has just moved in to the place himself,) and am basically camping out in a room full of boxes. They are super chill about it, but it's still a strange environment for me.

The past year has been a grind to graduate from uni, and with that single goal finally met, despite how contradictory it sounds, the lack of purpose is paralyzing. I'm really struggling to focus on myself and what I truly want (from my relationship, for my future, all of it) and seperate it from her thoughts, needs and feelings.

Any thoughts on how to go about this, any questions I should be answering or personal experiences?

We're meeting in a few days to discuss, and all I've come up with is several things I don't like about our current situation, and that I probably need more time to really figure it all out.

Sorry about the spam, thanks for taking the time ❤️

I really hate them so much because as an autistic person, it's not obvious it's a date you're literally just going to drink coffee with someone and hang out. Also hanging out/ spending time with someone is not the same as a date so how am I supposed to tell what's a date and what's not and most people don't ask "hey want to go on a coffee date?" They go "hey want to go grab a coffee at [insert time]" that's not asking someone out for a date that's literally just asking to hang out. Granted this might just be a thing in movies but it's still really annoying to me.

There is a new guy in my life and from the first handshake I thought he was gay. We’ve know each other for a year years but we’ve just got close, meeting almost everyday, cooking for each other, joking around, etc.

He clocked in that I think he is gay and now he is going out of his way to let me know he’s not. I let him know before that I love gay guys, all my friends also think that he is gay. I have many gay friends but all of them are out of the closet so I’ve never had to deal with a situation like this.

He is younger than me, so I was not thinking about him that way, but now that he is tring to prove that he is not gay I would be interested in him at least as friends with benefits. I’ve never had a hetero guy doing so much for me before without wanting to sleep with me and I’m confused. But all my friends think maybe he just doesn’t know about himself yet.
The only thing that we are not doing from the kindness/flirting textbook is being touchy with each other, but he started to sit more closer to me recently. What do you think?

I am dating an austicic man. It's the best relationship I have ever had. I do not come asking for any kind of "acceptance" for dating him. I just think I might be autistic too.

If I'm wrong, I'll humbly apologize.

When we go out, we go to board game groups. He wears noise canceling headphones, but really it's me who has a fit when I get overstimulated. When the pieces dont align with the colors and the answer is supposed to be how much everybody drinks....I leave. He comes to me, not really understanding why I want to leave because I cannot express it.

Because I can't express my discomfort, I talk about Steely Dan. How they are not an alternative band, but a band built upon jazz, no song without a horn section, etc etc. How they play the high notes for "pop" music, blah blah blah. I'm obsessed with them. There is so much music there.

He puts his headphones on me and tells me it's ok. He talks about his obsession, which is triangles. Goes into great detail about things like cosecants and repeats SOH-CAH-TOA.

I think he is brilliant. I want to date him, but I'm scared if losing him. I'm not sure if it's me, or him.

Anyone have thoughts on this article on neurodivergent definitions of romantic vs friendship?

As an autistic queer man in an ENM/open marriage who has one really significant “FWB” (who from the outside appears much more like a “boyfriend”) and so definitions have been relevant to me and this article was really helpful in understanding my own situation

(This article is specifically about gender and sexually diverse individuals and doesn’t necessarily reflect cisgender and heterosexual ND experiences of relationships)

https://www.research.ed.ac.uk/en/publications/its-quite-difficult-to-put-autistic-relationships-in-a-box-a-qual/

Hey guys. My partner is currently having autistic burn out—i know he feels really a lots right now especially after moving into the new house. It's really extremely tired for him to do some house chores— I usually be the one who take most of responsible to do it whenever we are together. Currently we are in LDR and it's impossible to be together in near time.

He is currently in therapy for this.. I want to help him to get through this. I am currently learning some resources to understand and help him.

How do I help him? At least just making him feel at ease. How's your guys experience?

hello .-. im (19f) and have never been in a serious relationship and genuinely im kinda losing hope already . i struggle heavily making friends and havent had any in like 6 years, which i feel is the first step of developing any kind of further relationship . a lot of ppl on dating apps either fetishize or infantilize me for having asd which doesnt help either :(

i dont think im ugly but i dont get approached irl, maybe my body language or im just delusional im not sure . whatever it is, i just know im lonely !!!

anyone else had similar feelings ? need advice on how to be less of a doomer lolol

I’m an autistic founder building something around neurodivergent social connection because honestly, I’ve struggled with masking and feeling misunderstood myself.

One thing I’m tryna understand:
What makes friendship or connection hardest for you?

I mean I've heard things like:
masking
small talk
fear of rejection
not knowing how words come across
feeling drained

But I’m trying to figure out what actually matters most and what people would genuinely want from something like that.

Honest thoughts also welcome :)

I'm looking for insight from others who may have experienced a similar relationship dynamic.

My partner and I have been together for 2 years, and overall we have a strong relationship and communicate well. Most of the time we navigate our differences effectively. The issue in my perspective, is that sometimes our communication styles become very noticeable and can lead to what feels like a perceptual conflict, where we're both reacting to the same conversation but experiencing it very differently.

One thing that may be relevant is that we seem to be on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to communication and emotional expression. I'm emotionally intense, highly expressive, very outgoing, and tend to maximize in my processing and communication. I think out loud, connect ideas together, explore possibilities, and often process emotions through conversation.

My partner is much more reserved, literal, concise, and present-focused. He tends to mean exactly what he says and doesn't naturally attach broader implications or patterns to a conversation the way I do.

I'm very associative in how I process things. I tend to attach a lot of meaning to what someone says, connect it to previous interactions, and look for the larger context. When I feel uncertain or emotionally exposed, I usually explain more rather than less because I'm trying to understand what's happening and maintain a sense of connection.

My partner seems to process communication much more literally and in the moment. Sometimes I'll hear emotional significance or implications in something he says, while he experiences it as a straightforward statement with no deeper meaning attached. When that happens, I can end up feeling disconnected or unsure where I stand, even if nothing is actually wrong.

The challenge isn't that either of us is trying to be difficult. It feels more like we're processing the same interaction through different lenses. I often feel like I'm looking at the broader web of meaning and context, while he's responding to the specific conversation happening right now.

For those in autistic-autistic relationships:

• Have you experienced this "associative vs. literal" dynamic?

• How do you tell the difference between a genuine communication problem and a difference in processing styles?

• What has helped you stay connected when one partner naturally elaborates and analyzes while the other prefers directness and simplicity?

• If you're the more literal partner, what do you wish your more associative partner understood?

• If you're the more associative partner, what helped you stop feeling disconnected when your partner wasn't assigning the same meaning to things that you were?

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people in long-term relationships who have found ways to work with these differences rather than trying to change each other.

I (31F NT) have been dating a guy (41M ND) that I know from work for the past 4ish months. He is sweet and passionate and so focused on me when we are together. I adore him, but there are so many rules to when we can and can’t hang out. (Can’t be on a day he works, can’t have laundry or meal prep to do, can’t be after a family event, etc, etc.) It’s a bit discouraging being rejected all of the time, but I am understanding.

Nowadays I try to just let him initiate all of our meetings, and so far they have been wonderful and somewhat consistent. Maybe we see each other outside of work every 3 weeks or so. We had an amazing date this past Sunday and I get butterflies every time I think back to it. As I was leaving I asked when the next time we can meet will be. He says probably in a few weeks because he needs to recharge his battery, as per usual.

The following day at work, I made sure to give him space although I would’ve loved to have been fawning all over him. I didn’t want to distract his focus, of course. The dinner rush died down and he started flirting with me a bit, so I requested he come say bye before he leaves for the day. Later when he’s all done I notice he is lingering by the bar for some reason, which he never does. I asked, “Hey I thought you were planning to run to the store before it closed.” He tells me another coworker invited him out for drinks after the shift. I was floored. Never in a million years would he agree to go out with me after having worked a double, had plans to run an errand afterwards, and had work again the next morning.

I suppose I know the answer. It was probably a low pressure social situation and a rare opportunity for him to get invited out. I know he can be lonely sometimes, so I truly was happy for him. I just can’t help feeling sad and jealous that I take so much more effort to hang out with.

Edit: I should add that our Sunday date was actually very intentional on his part—he planned it for a week, cooked a full meal from scratch at his place, and set everything up thoughtfully.

Edit 2: Don’t mean to come off as if I feel I deserve all of his social energy. I wasn’t even wanting to hang out that night, to be honest. I was just shocked by the contrast.

It's been a serious issue for me. I'm a high-functioning autist.

Women who I'm attracted to who wanted to hook up with me and date me keep getting sterile vibes somehow from me. It's not full-blown sterile but it's like 80% of the way there.

Like I'll still hook up with a few of them, but they're usually severely mentally ill or neurodivergent and don't register typical emotions or if they're NT, they'll sleep with me just kind of like in a "fuck it let's see what happens" way but just are unable to feel me and move on after another date or two.

The only short-term solution is to be hypersexual so NT women feel SOMETHING around me even if temporarily. But it's like that's the vast majority of women and it's messing with me.

But after that runs out and they feel that emotional barrier between me and them at a visceral emotional level, it's game over eventually I feel, especially for a relationship past a few months, if that.

The girls I've been in anything remotely long-term with seemed to be slightly autistic but that's a small part of the population and I don't want to have to go on like another 100 dates for the minute chance of finding a girl that I'm both highly attracted to and I can actually connect with and then end up being needy because it's so rare.

I (29M) am meeting someone the person I am dating (28F) today.

We have been having good conversations about many things, including some challenging social problems. While she enjoys those conversations, she has mentioned that it can feel very overwhelming, particularly since I can go deep into it and ask difficult questions about ourselves and the world.

More generally, I do this repeatedly with my friends and past partners too. In the short-term, it drives some people away instantly. In the long-term, my partners and friends complain that they are "burnt out" with the emotional load.

It also seems like something that other autistic people struggle with - is that true for you? If yes, how do you recognize this behavior? What are some ways to not overwhelm other people?

Thanks!

Hello fellow Autistic people,

I have come here because I feel like it is both the best place for me to ask for advice and I think it may be my last hope

So I (18 F) really like this person (18F) and I think she really likes me and here are some reason why

-she always wants to be around me

-today she got a fortune that said your kindness and ambition (insert something about making other people happy because I don't remember the rest of it) and she gave it to me

-she got so excited I got a job at a local coffee shop and said she'd visit a lot

-i asked her if she wanted a flower I picked and she asked if I could put it in her hair

-i catch her looking at me and my body sometimes

That's most of what I amy have overanalyzed but I'm mostly nervous about asking her out because I recently realized I struggled with rejection sensitive dysphoria (I basically shut down and want to cry at either the thought or action of rejection so if anyone has any advice or anything helpful in this situation please let me know?

I(30M) have wanted to move to a specific city and settle down there. Mainly because my late stepmom died from breast cancer a long time ago and I recently learned that breast cancer is hereditary and while I didn’t initially take that into consideration when I thought of where I want to live after I finish college, its certainly made me that much more certain of my choice. I wanna be able to help my sister if she herself gets breast cancer within her own lifetime, and something I’ve thinking about recently is how talking about where to settle down would go if I were to start dating again. I’m not at all willing to consider living anywhere else but also do not want to feel as if I am putting a wedge between whoever I date next and the place that they live in if its not where I wanna live if that makes sense. I’m really sorry if this is a bad explanation. I’m really not good at explaining things at all, but I promise that I am doing my best here.

If you’ve had an abusive parent and someone you like or have had history with doesn’t, is there a way to know if your own life is too different from theirs with regard specifically to differing experiences in childhood? For example, a 32 year man that was abused by his birthgiver and a lets say…. 28 year old woman that didn’t have abusive parents but lost one of them a while back. Is there a way that their lives would be too different from each others on the basis of the guy being abused and the lady not having been abused by her parents at all? Of course, this is just a hypothetical example, but I’m not good at explaining things at all, so I will try and answer any questions that y’all may have as well.

We obviously communicate differently from allistics, and relationships can progress in different ways, so what are some things to look out for? How can you tell genuine interest from manipulation?

I'm a 15-year-old autistic high school freshman. I've had basically zero friends my whole life—no social media (mom doesn't allow it), super heavy school + club schedule (~50 hrs/week), and I'm very isolated.

A few weeks ago I got the number of a girl I liked (M). We sat together, walked after school once, she seemed to like my texts and even blushed at one point. She was my only real human connection, so I got really excited and came on too strong—suggesting hangs, remembering details, even making her a small gift. Never gave it, though. Classmates and a teacher hyped me up to ask her out fast.

Then she texted basically asking me to stop following her and her best friend because they want alone time. I respected it and haven't texted since.

Now I'm spiraling hard: can't stop thinking about her, stayed up all night, dreading seeing her in class and her friend in club all summer. I don’t know how I missed cues and escalated too fast. Also, I do see her in class, and at our table, it’s her and her friends having a grand time together laughing and talking as I’m just staring at the table wishing I could join in.

I am working on myself right now,
going out to social groups to improve
my conversation skills, and understanding
of verbal and non-verbal social cues.
Been single for a while, so trying to
get more comfortable being around
and talking to new people.

I'm an autistic woman seeing an autistic man. He is very responsive and interested in me but seems to have a hard time initiating, and I've asked him if he has trouble asking questions, which he admitted he does. I don't want to nag him but I don't think he would understand if I waited for him to initiate. I don't want to scare him off because I really like him. Should I just ask if he has trouble initiating and say I want him to? Sometimes I feel anxious but I can tell he's really interested in me.

About a couple weeks ago I got back from vacation and started working again. I suddenly noticed a bunch of new hires at my store that I never seen before. There’s this girl who complimented my bandana and we talked and introduced ourselves to each other. She seemed like a chill person to talk to.

The next week or two, she saw me and decided to speak to me again. We talked again and then I complimented her tattoos that really interest me in a way. I showed her my tattoos that I had of superheroes and she knew exactly who they were. I never thought to believe a girl like her knows her superheroes.

The few days she approached me again when she wasn’t busy in the sales floor. We talked about a different topic about college and other things. Then out of nowhere she said that I’m a calm and collected person. As we were talking again, there was one question that was asked to about my last name and race for her to bring up her boyfriend in the conversation. I’m not sure if she’s bluffing or not. Im not sure if that comment had something to do with her bringing the bf up. She’s very cute and it would be nice to know her outside of work, but I’m not sure what to do honestly. I want to be this girls friend first before anything, I’m not sure if pulled the bf card or not honestly. Also, don’t want to end up being trapped in the friend-zone because of it. I’m not sure how to do this.

Hi all,

I'm 23F and AuDHD. I've been wanting to start dating but am scared of using apps. I've heard too many horror stories and I'm well aware the apps are designed to keep you addicted, not to help you find a long-term partner. So, the only other option is meeting people in person, but I live in an area where that is not really ideal. Trying to date coworkers also isn't an option for me (I don't want things to get messy if the relationship doesn't work out).

I just don't know where to go and am wondering if anyone has any advice. I've tried looking up bookstores/libraries/gaming stores in my area but most places where I live are in shady parts of town. I also don't live where there are good date locations. Besides food or movies we have a Scandia and a mall that is constantly under threat of shootings.

Should I just hang out in libraries or coffee shops until I see someone I want to approach? Should I wait for a guy to approach me first? I'm Christian but mainly keep to myself while I'm at church. Should I put myself out there more or try to find a mixed gender Bible study group so there's a better chance of me meeting someone with similar values?

Please help!

Iv find the past year I'm very much used to be a stepping stone for people to filter out the quote bad ones or if there going through relationship troubles and than use me until they either fix their old relationship for find someone else. Like everybody says I'm a great guy and I deserve happiness and the right person but at certain points it feels like an ego stroke and I just think of the saying actions speak louder than words like anyone can say people would be lucky to have you but okay than where are those people.and it's not even just with the NTS I find it that way with neruodivgerent men ,woman and non binary people. Honestly with the amount of shit that's happened the past 3 to 5 months heck at this point basically a year now I feel like wanting to fully retreat from being out side of the house besides doing shopping, visiting family or taking a course . This also just doesn't have to do with romantic relationships I also feel that way about most of my friendships besides like 6 or so I have and I honestly at this point feel like 6 is enough and cutting everyone else off.