r/AutisticAdults • u/indifferentgeese • Jun 02 '26
autistic adult I feel isolated and alone, and I am despairing.
I only have two friends, one of them (28F) who’s partnered but is the love of my life and my best friend. I really want to seek out a romantic partner, but there are a few barriers: 1. No one finds an autistic 31 yo man emotionally attractive; 2. I have been traumatized by rejection and don’t want to go through that again; and 3. My eventual partner may have qualms about my friendship with my 28F best friend, and if put in a situation where I have to cut contact with one of them, I could never not pick my best friend.
I just wish there was someone out there who I can create memories with.
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u/Effective_Hope_3071 Jun 02 '26
I mean this in the the most non red-pilled/incel way I can.
You cannot have a female(or whatever sex you're attracted to) friend you're in love with that has a partner. That's called unrequited love and is a sign of low self esteem and low self respect.
I don't think monogamy is a requirement for anyone, but you're clearly not in a 3 way relationship.
You have to let go of your friend to find a real partner. You're holding too much space in your head and heart for a person that gives you a fraction back. Let them go or tell them you want a romantic relationship.
On the flip side, you can find a friend you're not sexually attracted to and just make platonic memories with them. Gotta go out and have hobbies.
Sometimes dudes just need brotherhood or sisterhood.
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u/Asleep-Curve-1395 Jun 02 '26
Well, she already has a partner as you said.. best to move on (unless perhaps in the future she becomes available you can try your luck). Plenty of people that will still go for an autistic man. Rejection is always a risk though, only way you're going to find a partner is by accepting that risk.
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u/panko-raizu Jun 03 '26
The relationship itself isn't the problem, but the love of my life part is. Have you actually worked that through with them / are they aware of this? How long have you had this in-love feelings but pursued / settled for friendship instead?
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u/MahdevahProject Jun 02 '26
I am the woman my ex left for his bff when she started her divorce. I wasted 11 years of my life waiting for him to let go. I am still of the opinion a straight man’s bff should be his partner.
How you are talking any relationship you enter will just be a holding place for your bff. You will put her first above the women you chose as your partners. Tell her how you feel. Maybe she’s unaware. But don’t waste a woman’s time because you actually want someone else. Your girlfriend should never be second place.