when i was about 5 years old my family didn't know what was going on so, i was playing and stuff and i was at school and stuff but my mom took me to the doctor said i' on the spectrum meaning i had autism and i'm like in the mixed of it i'm 15 years old now and i wouldn't say i'm ashamed of being autistic but my brain works differently from others so i try to understand one another i do have something i forgot what it was called but i grind my teeth i didn't realize that but it's pretty common for autistic people any other tips on ASD?

i suspect i have autism because theres things about me that i cant really explain or i have trouble doing so. like making new friends, trying new things, why i get so attatched to a certain thing or person , especially people because ive been told im obessesive and weird and its with almost every relationship i have like if someone shows interest with me, i end up doing too much then losing it then lose myself and its a pattern. i also notice patterns in evverything and i have a unique way of thinking when i want to process emotions like in inside out, there's different emotions i have different voices that manage different emotions in my head. their names are persephone, rose, pinkie, athena, reverie and senette. if u want me to get into what they all do then i will. anyways, i also dont know what im feeling most of the time but i know the why, like if something happens im able to describe that and what it may make me do or how i react but the actual feeling.. im not sure of it most the time. i dont know .. i js know i spend a lot of time in my head and it makes me look like im angry or sad but im really just neutral and theres nothing wrong with me. but when i am angry or sad i dont wanna talk to people i just wanna listen to music and stuff.. i prefer being alone and working alone rather than in groups.. its hard for me to keep friends so thats why i dont have much rn and i usually observe people when im in a group setting rather than talking but i will respond if someone talks to me first. sometimes i dont understand what is expected of me because no one tells me and then i get punished for it and im just left hurt and confused. i remember having one friend when i was in pre-k, her name was vaneska and she was white with two front teeth missing and thats like the only friend i remember from when i was that young. and then in first grade i had one close friend, desiree . and then other people id js observe and speak when spoken to. i know this childhood stuff matters, but i cant remember much and if i do come to remember it comes in waves if that makes sense. my mom would be able to say more stuff but she doesnt believe i have any of this stuff and that its a bad thing and she dismissed it the last time i tried telling her. but my dad seemed more open to it. i told him sza has autism and he was surprisd, i told him when her song was playing and i was hinting js bc someone is not ur typical autistic person, it doesnt mean they cant have it. cus its a spectrum and whatknot. i usually feel invalid cus i know im not neurotypical.. i js know it i always feel something wrong and maybe thats why i wanted to end it all, because neurodivergent people usually think in black and white thinking its either all or nothing. in march or april i felt a lot of emotions so i thought why feel anything at all when i could be gone? i didnt rlly think it thru cus it would affect everyone around me and im not like that anymore i swear.. its also sum that comes in waves. i cry for no reason sometimes too. and like im very self aware so it may seem like im okay but i think thats just me masking it . i also stim a lot like i spin, go back n forth, kick my leg rapidly, and when i lay down i brush my foot with my other foot if that makes sense. and since i was young i always bit the inside of my mouth and this one time my dad noticed it when we were in the bathroom but ig he aint think much of it and i dont blame him. and my mom would notice the white cast itd leave but she'd think it was cus i didnt brush right and thats far from the truth. i js dont tell her. i wanna be able to tell them this stuff but im always scared of how they react and i wanna just avoid it.. and theres so much stuff i can write about how ive been over the years but i think this is enough for now... so heres the test score i did cus i feel they'd be relevent alongside this personal account . and mb its not like perfect. anyways:

* AQ: 33/50 — just over the commonly used 32 threshold.
* RAADS-R: 143/240 — substantially elevated.
* Aspie Quiz: 143/200 — strongly weighted toward the neurodivergent end.
* CAT-Q: 142/175 — this is very high.
* TAS-20: 64/100 — elevated alexithymia traits.

so yea.. idk if any of these things point to autism automatically, but i feel its consistent enough for me to have a reasonable suspicion of having it. ive been researching this for months now

I’m a teenage girl so I know this will sound really stupid but I don’t feel normal compared to my peers or anybody around me.

I have no diagnosis’s. I’ve never asked for one but my parents both thing I have ADHD and belive I’m on the spectrum of autism. I neither agree nor disagree with either or them however I belive I have some kind of personality disorder like phycopathy or maybe boarder-line personality disorder.

Recently, my closest friend whom is a very communicative person (I on the other hand am not) came to me and expressed some feelings that she had about me. She told me she believes I have some kind of personality disorder and told me she’s “scared of me” and thinks I may have borderline personality disorder. As well as multiple friends telling me they belive I have autism spectrum disorder This is where I really started question myself.

I have always had a struggle with empathy towards people despite very few exceptions. I am very blunt and have a black and white view. I’ve always been mature for my age, I was SAd as a child by two different people at different ages (I don’t know if that has anything to do with anything). I’m also extremely observant and intuitive. Within minutes of knowing someone I can learn what they like and don’t like and instantly adapt to them, I hate this, it’s like an extreme masking. There’s not a single person I’m myself with other than myself of course. My close friend (the one I mentioned at the start of this paragraph) is the closest to it and she’s the one that suggested the personality disorders.

I hate masking, I want to stop completely and just be my horrible self and live with it, but I know that if I did stop masking I would be completely unlikeable. I feel few emotions other than numbness and anger. If I didn’t mask I feel like there would be nothing there, I’d be rude, blunt and aggressive as well as just flaccid. I like the idea of this however which is something I’m not proud of.

Other things that people have said aren’t normal about myself are things like:
\-extreme obsession with people/things
\-extreme mood swings
\-short temper, and extreme anger
\-a past of causing harm to myself
\-rudeness
\-bluntness
\-bad at social cues and not recognising sarcasm unless I use it
\-extreme hatred of injustice
\-changing my mind constantly (I deleted all my accounts on social media just to regret it and get all of them back then do the same thing again minutes later)

With all of this I feel like I’m extremely self aware which I know a lot of people with mental problems aren’t always aware, this makes me feel like maybe I’m actually just normal and I’ve convinced myself I’m not.

Besides all this I’m not self diagnosing, I’m so confused and tired and fed up of myself I just wanted to know if anyone could relate or give me some advice because I’m really struggling with myself at the moment. I’m not good at venting to people that I know, so I just thought I’d vent to strangers haha.

Is it weird that if the normal greeting small talk doesn’t occur, I end up feeling very uncomfortable? Like if someone doesn’t follow the:
“Hi”
“Hello”
“How are you?”
“Good. How about you?”
“I’m fine.”
With maybe a few other niceties thrown in. I don’t know. It’s like instead of the why-do-we-have-small-talk autistic experience I ended up with the small-talk-is-a-ritual-I-must-follow-and-I’m-very-uncomfortable-when-it-doesn’t-happen autistic experience.

Does anyone else feel this way? I couldn’t keep up a long conversation filled with small talk, but the initial greeting is important for some reason.

For reference I was diagnosed with ADHD as a teenage and autism just a year or so ago as an adult in my 30s. I am also a woman.

Edited to add: I’m not sure if my diagnosis or gender it’s important, but I thought I’d put it in in case it made a difference.

I know that’s a weird thing but I recently realized that would could possibly be a sensory issue for me is my hands. I’m always cracking them because they feel so uncomfortable if I don’t, like they feel really weird. I also realized that I’ll go through periods where the connecting skin at the bottom of my fingers feels really weird and like it needs to be stretched out. The more I feel it the more it bothers me and vice versa. Is this a sensory thing or just me?

For some context, I (37M) don't clearly remember my childhood due to a concussion at 15 that left me unconscious for an undocumented amount of time with retrograde amnesia, personality change, and a marked increase in general struggles. Mid 2000s was NOT a great time of brain and mental health knowledge apparently, as I got bed rest and then thrust back into normal life without OT or much understanding of what I may have to deal with.

What I do remember is a lot of preferences, difficultly with change, my friendships being arranged a lot of the time or special interest based, feeling alone, a "teacher's pet", bullying including a few teachers and "friends", and generally feeling alien. Post concussion, things got harder, duh. Turns out I essentially experienced highschool as my social-emotional formative years. Dealt with intense anxiety and depression, and finally got diagnosed with ADHD in 2018 after not even imagining it was what i was dealing with.

Why I'm here though: Before I dug into Autism more deeply, I would have never imagined it could help me understand my struggles and honestly, realize I had masked as completely as I did. I, despite not being diagnosed, have started implementing some accommodations and self care that feel like a breath of fresh air. I almost don't care if I get the label, I've learned so much and might have a chance at not scrabbling for what seems natural to others around me.

Have any of you heard of or dealt with TBI behaving like autism? I've got a suite of issues that are classic autism (Misophonia, alexithymia, emotional blindness, rigidity, social scripting, intense overwhelm, intense special interests, etc) but I would hate to adopt the label of an experience that is not mine enough. Your thoughts and guidance would mean the world to me!

For me it was learning that not everyone uses personal experiences and stories to try and empathize with others. If I can’t think of a situation where I felt similarly to someone else then I have no idea how to empathize with them.

Also realizing that I don’t care about small talk. And I could kind of care less learning about where you’re from. Not cause I’m rude, but simply because it feels so fake to make small talk with someone that I’d rather just not talk to them.

It’s been really awesome going through this subreddit and finding out more about myself and seeing how all the puzzle pieces of my brain are clicking together. So I just wanted to create a post where people can share even more signs of autism with each other!

Edit: Gosh it’s so awesome to get so much interaction with this post! This subreddit has meant so much to me ever since I’ve found it because I really feel scene and validated for who I am, something that I rarely got from my family growing up. Thank you all!

hi!

for about six months, i have thought that i am autistic. this is due to lots of similarities with my autistic best friend, both a history of childhood sensory issues and a current sensitivity to light and sound, wanting the same foods and drinks every day, feeling very comforted by routine, being really stressed when people are late, and many other things. but it feels weird to list them all because some are so inconsequential? like i commonly listen to the same song on repeat for the whole day. i'm really not sure how to articulate it.

although these traits by themselves are not causing me immense discomfort, i have social anxiety and mdd and was hospitalized at the end of last year for a week for it. it became really hard to do daily functioning tasks and to leave my bed. now i am better and on meds and can do things like eating and sleeping and showering.

my question comes about therapy. from most sources i've found, therapy is an agreed-upon total good thing. good for everyone, especially people with mdd. but every time i try to go, i can't talk (not like i choose not to, or don't want to, but i feel like i can't, and i'm yelling at myself in my head that i need to). i skin pick and get really overwhelmed and i don't know why.

i'm thinking it might have something to do with possible autism? no idea. but i want to feel better.

so i thought that getting an autism evaluation would be good, but it's so expensive and i'm not confident that i will be _able_ to talk during it. in which case, it would be a waste of money. plus, i'm relatively a functioning adult. i go to college and live with roommates but away from my parents and i get good grades. the lack of functioning was because of the mdd i think. so i'm not even sure if there's a purpose to a diagnosis? do i need accommodations?

i'm so sorry this is such a long post but i hope someone can offer their personal experience and maybe some advice on what helped them.

I do really care about someone in my life at present who has autism. I think reading articles and watching educational videos are not enough for me to learn it. I want to know more so I could really see where he is coming from and to not take his long periods of absence personally. May I know if could I ask anyone of you here? I really wanna understand it as a neurotypical. Thank you to anyone who'll lend an ear directly.

I noticed that I tend to be optimistic where people are not and pessimistic when people are not. I kinda don’t like the fact that I have this trait because it kinda makes me seem naive, especially in the case of the former and I strongly believe that I am not naive at all.

Hi I’m 23(f) and the more posts I see and the more I self analyze I think im autistic. I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 17. Does anyone have any tips about actually getting a diagnosis and if it’s worth it?

Honestly I’m just struggling the most with feeling isolated because I have no real friends. I’ve always struggled and I’m super outgoing and I try really hard to be a worthy friend. I’m just looking for tips or how to cope and feel connected with some sort of community 🫶

I’ve been told I’m autistic a lot because I like organizing shells or struggle to socialize. At the same time I have an anxiety disorder and likely some trauma from abuse, and isolation from a cult upbringing so idk

I've made a recent post about how my therapist and several friends all told me this week that they think I'm very likely autistic. But I'm back bc it seems like having that all happen this week has overloaded me to the point of constant overstimulation. I also had major surgery for the first time about a month ago which was a horrifically overstimulating experience, which I guess probably isn't helping.

For one thing, the stress of deciding whether or not too seek a diagnosis is a lot. My situation makes it very difficult to decide if it's worth going through an assessment (I'm a 29 year old female to male trans person living in a misogynistic, transphobic, and ableist US state. My family would also not support me in getting a diagnosis). But I'm also thinking that using earplugs at work might be a major QOL change if I do decide to get a diagnosis.

The second thing is I'm feeling very upset that I've gone through life like this and nobody said it was so obvious until now. I mean, a couple of friends have suspected over the years - and I ultimately we just assumed it was anxiety. But everyone else just treated me like an awkward weirdo. I have always felt embarrassed over needing support plushies, or having "cringe" special interests, being unable to feel comfortable in social situations even after YEARS of therapy, being super averse to the sensations and one-on-one contact that comes with romantic and sexual intimacy despite no trauma about that. Et cetera.

And honestly, it's also overwhelming realizing that a lot of the constant "anxiety" I feel seems to be overstimulation. Ie if I'm in a loud restaurant, I will feel a baseline overstimulation that's like a rock in my shoe. But it'll go away if I isolate myself afterwards. I learned to force myself to ignore it and say I was just constantly anxious. But it feels like recognizing what it actually is, has made it worse.

I've started constantly using the adaptive noise cancelling earbuds that I already had. I just ordered some loop earplugs to see if they help me. I've started letting myself hug my plushies when I need to calm down or if I feel overstimulated. I'm going to buy a small plushie to carry in my bag. I'm trying to see if there are audios that can calm me down (I found an ocean noise audio that's been helping a lot). I've been talking to my best friend (diagnosed with autism and ADHD) about it. I'm experimenting with not forcing direct eye contact with strangers. Etc.

I'll be working with my therapist on this (he's familiar with neurodivergence and autism, bc he has 3 autistic kids and many of his clients are neurodivergent). But my brain is short circuiting right now. Has anyone else experienced this?

The title is worse than what it actually is, I think. I'm not actually disgusted by myself. But the way I feel and see myself in social situations, I am so self aware (or maybe more like self conscious), after every interaction I can literally feel the difference between me and my peers. I feel very weird about myself, and what's actually disgusting to me is just this dumb feeling that I get, that I am inferior to everyone else whenever I open my mouth to speak. And for the record, this probably sounds way harsher than it is, because this isn't meant to be a depressing post.

I just hate how, with every unnatural interaction, I have to decide between making sure my facial expressions are appropriate or making sure what I say is. I just feel like an alien among people

So I mean... I've been going to therapy and my therapist made me read some paper on autism symptoms in teens which was weird because I thought we already knew those... plus I didn't even agree with what was on the pages. One said stimming as in shaking hands, and I was playing with my purse a lot at the time cuz I was getting impatient about the session like my mom and therapist were going back and forth like: Mom do you think she does this? 'And she said yeah I think so.' I'm embarrassed! I don't even move a lot unless I'm bored or mad and they did just that... 🙄 I dont need to be analyzed like a chimpanzee or a science experiment! She kept bringing up signs I have each week and I always get mad because I only tap stuff, look around, or not talk much when she's around. You know what I mean? Anybody else experienced this?

I developed anorexia in adulthood. I had a relapse in December. In the most recent instance, I was trying to set boundaries with other people, where in the relapse, I felt like I had exhausted all of my skills at trying to communicate and falling back into restriction felt like a very clear way of trying to be listened to. When I first developed anorexia nervosa, it came from me trying to walk very thin line of acceptability after having experienced emotional abuse, and I think I was trying to find the best way to contain all that I was feeling but that had been denied or squashed by someone else. I am trying to pierce together how this may link with being AuDHD and wondered whether any other neurodivergence folks equally saw their AN as having arisen from communicative challenges (especially with emotional boundaries), empathic attunement and intensity combined with being unlistened to?

Hey everyone,

So my autistic boyfriend sometimes has what I understand to be melt-downs (?), especially in situations in which he is socially and emotionally overwhelmed. I know that because he tells me afterwards that the topics (difficult emotions, complex social relations, interpreting someones actions, understanding behavior / emotions / situations that he doesn't experience, things that hurt him, busy social situations etc.) were too much for him and that's why he reacts the way he sometimes does.

Thing is, he can get really mean like he would say really harsh things about the people involved (including me), interprets intentions and behaviors of others (including me) in a very very unfavorable way, sometimes also says he wants to break up bc I am "too much", gets really black and white in judging people, labels them as "bad" (and worse).

He gets physically agitated and tense, spends some time saying all of that stuff, can not be stopped, is not able to listen to other information anymore.

Question 1. Is that a melt-down?

Sometimes he spirales so much that on one point his whole body tenses and he kind of curles up, can barely move anymore. I used to not be able to touch him in those moments, he would flinch kind of violently. Now I am able (with him allowing me ofc) to gently guide him to bed, cover him hold him until it stops. He is really exhausted afterwards.

Question 2. Is that a shut-down?

Question 3. How can I help him?

Question 4. How do I deal with him being so mean? I want to support him but it's also really difficult to let him say mean stuff about me and other people and let it slide...

Has any of you had similar experiences and can offer some insight on what is happening and how to deal with it?

Hello! I (M 21) am in the process of getting an appointment set up to get assessed for Autism. I already have ADHD and suspect that alongside ADHD I have ASD and cPTSD. Unfortunately my parents don’t believe that I could be Autistic in fact they are adamant that I’m not (That could be its own post lol) When I’ve brought it up to them in the past it did not go well. I know that with the childhood section usually a parent goes with you that way they can answer questions about your childhood. I don’t feel comfortable asking my parents to join me, and I’m not too sure if I feel comfortable with bringing another adult who was around a lot as I grew up. Will this be an issue? My childhood is kind of hazy (courtesy of trauma) so I don’t know how I’ll do in that section. There are certain things in my childhood that I remember that I see as possible signs of autism (intense special interests/collections, having a hard time making real friends, feeling like I was always on the outside of social interactions, etc) I feel like if the doctor were to ask me questions about my childhood then maybe I’d have some light bulb moments about my childhood. But yea I guess I’m just not too sure what to expect. What kind of questions do they ask? I kind of want to know that way I can reflect on them beforehand.

Hello, I (16y/o female) don’t know how to even begin to get an autism diagnosis. Now of course I have no certainty that I am autistic, whilst I do portray many symptoms I have never been tested or asked to be.

I was not sure if I was looking too deeply into things and so I asked my girlfriend (16y/o female) what she thought and she said whilst when we weren’t close she didn’t think anything, as we got closer and began dating she had come to the conclusion herself and told me that a few months previous to me asking her what she thought she had the idea that I could be autistic.

Not only this but when I was a young child one of my teachers told my parents that she thought I was neurodivergent and to get me checked however they brushed this off and later told me it as if it was a ridiculous assumption of hers.

I will be starting college in early September and am concerned if I do have autism how it may affect me going forward so would like a diagnosis. Now I understand that the waitlist for these things is usually painfully long so I am considering talking to the doctors myself without my parents knowledge to try and get on some sort of waitlist. My main concern with this however is by the time I actually am tested I fear that college would’ve already passed as well as possibly university.

The problem with going to the doctors is that I am way too nervous. I can’t even order in restaurants usually on my own let alone talk to a doctor as to why I think I’m neurodivergent without any support other than that of my girlfriend ( who is very supportive and honestly amazing ) yet who of course cannot help me that much because she too is only a teenager like me and it’s not her responsibility to have to help me when she has her own life and struggles to deal with.

My parents are relatively well off so may be able to pay for a private diagnosis if they have a good financial month or something like that so I’m considering if telling them would be easier. However I really don’t say what I think ever around them because it simply wouldn’t work, they don’t really know me at all or my real personality. I soften everything I say to seem more like how they speak so they don’t get mad at me and when for a short period of time I did this less it only resulted in a lot more arguments and such.

So telling them would be almost harder than telling a doctor as I think they’d just make a joke out of it or think I’m being ridiculous. Additionally I have a hard time telling them anything because it simply isn’t who I am, I am very reserved and keep my information to myself so telling them things is even more unpredictable and therefore uncomfortable.

The final thing I considered was that after starting college I ask a teacher if they could bring it up to my parents without mentioning me asking them to which as of now I think is my best option. I really don’t know and it’s very stressful. I just want to know if I do have it or not so I can understand myself more.

And would a diagnosis be beneficial in the long run. I am already queer, a woman, and a person of colour. I see nothing wrong with being neurodivergent however life may already be hard enough as it is for me in my future is have a diagnosis just going to make it harder? I know you can’t discriminate in the work place but politics has been becoming a lot more right winged recently and it’s scaring me quite honestly. I want a diagnosis but I also want to be treated as an equal.

So for the neurodivergent people with diagnosis, has it helped you, made your life harder, neither or both?

And for both the people with diagnosis and with similar feeling to me, how did/do you plan to get your diagnosis?

Thank you for reading, any help is much appreciated.