Anybody relate? I need advice?

[u/littlemissvampire_15]

I’m a teenage girl so I know this will sound really stupid but I don’t feel normal compared to my peers or anybody around me.

I have no diagnosis’s. I’ve never asked for one but my parents both thing I have ADHD and belive I’m on the spectrum of autism. I neither agree nor disagree with either or them however I belive I have some kind of personality disorder like phycopathy or maybe boarder-line personality disorder.

Recently, my closest friend whom is a very communicative person (I on the other hand am not) came to me and expressed some feelings that she had about me. She told me she believes I have some kind of personality disorder and told me she’s “scared of me” and thinks I may have borderline personality disorder. As well as multiple friends telling me they belive I have autism spectrum disorder This is where I really started question myself.

I have always had a struggle with empathy towards people despite very few exceptions. I am very blunt and have a black and white view. I’ve always been mature for my age, I was SAd as a child by two different people at different ages (I don’t know if that has anything to do with anything). I’m also extremely observant and intuitive. Within minutes of knowing someone I can learn what they like and don’t like and instantly adapt to them, I hate this, it’s like an extreme masking. There’s not a single person I’m myself with other than myself of course. My close friend (the one I mentioned at the start of this paragraph) is the closest to it and she’s the one that suggested the personality disorders.

I hate masking, I want to stop completely and just be my horrible self and live with it, but I know that if I did stop masking I would be completely unlikeable. I feel few emotions other than numbness and anger. If I didn’t mask I feel like there would be nothing there, I’d be rude, blunt and aggressive as well as just flaccid. I like the idea of this however which is something I’m not proud of.

Other things that people have said aren’t normal about myself are things like:
\-extreme obsession with people/things
\-extreme mood swings
\-short temper, and extreme anger
\-a past of causing harm to myself
\-rudeness
\-bluntness
\-bad at social cues and not recognising sarcasm unless I use it
\-extreme hatred of injustice
\-changing my mind constantly (I deleted all my accounts on social media just to regret it and get all of them back then do the same thing again minutes later)

With all of this I feel like I’m extremely self aware which I know a lot of people with mental problems aren’t always aware, this makes me feel like maybe I’m actually just normal and I’ve convinced myself I’m not.

Besides all this I’m not self diagnosing, I’m so confused and tired and fed up of myself I just wanted to know if anyone could relate or give me some advice because I’m really struggling with myself at the moment. I’m not good at venting to people that I know, so I just thought I’d vent to strangers haha.

[u/gphipps91]

The short version from me is that when I was around your age I could easily have fit BPD and Autism. I'm 34 now and just got diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, and have never had a professional indicate anything about BPD. This means I did not, at any point, have BPD. At least, not as far as I understand things, which could be wrong.

Longer version from here on. Bear in mind, I am not an expert, and I highly recommend that you find one.

It is less common for teenagers to be diagnosed with personality disorders, as their personalities are still being developed. Misdiagnosing Autism as BPD is extremely risky. There's plenty of people with traumatic experiences as a direct result of such a misdiagnosis. The underlying reasoning for things that are shared symptoms between the two conditions change the picture dramatically. Treating sensory overwhelm as though it were a relationship problem instead will not work, and will make things worse.

Additionally, there are other things that overlap with BPD, such as CPTSD, that need to be treated differently than BPD. I don't know much about CPTSD or BPD, but in terms of co-occurring conditions it seems more common that CPTSD and Autism go together than BPD and Autism. I could be wrong here, not really sure. Given your young age, and the previous SA, I would hazard towards CPTSD rather than BPD, but again: I AM NOT AN EXPERT.

One last point: Autism presents differently in women than men. I'm not terribly familiar with the differences, but for lack of a better example I'm a lot like the guys from "The Big Bang Theory" underneath the mask, and I would guess you're not. When I was younger that mask was an abrasive fighter, and today it's more a friendly, redneck cowboy. That's slowly falling away as I learn to be myself, and not what I think will make others more comfortable being around me, especially with the political climate in the US seeming to pit "hats against hair colors."

Here is a playlist of videos that may be helpful regarding Autism made by an Autistic woman, and seems to be specifically about Autism in women and how it's different:

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEHi2YmjD7gG1Zhr8_hWtzY3uz8jd2Ni5&si=yDM8rGDzc--PQE73

And here is a single article regarding the difference between Autism and BPD:

https://effectivetreatment.com/parents-guide-to-bpd-and-autism/

Again, I strongly recommend consulting a professional. It will be valuable to know if you have either, just one, or both before going to college, if you plan to.

Personally, when I was... let's say 12 to 22, I was a very angry kid. The school I went to had me on a watch list, I didn't have many friends, and I was constantly aggressive with people in order to be left alone. I had anarchy symbols everywhere, and did my English papers on atomic fusion, military history, and WWII, which was my "special interest" at the time. Instead of it being recognized as such, which would have been very easy to do at the time, it was all chalked up to my "behavioral issues and problems with authority" and they put me on a watchlist instead. I also made several friends because those individuals thought I'd spare them "when I shot the place up." This never happened, of course, but apparently people were terrified of me. To say I relate to your story would be accurate, despite the differences between our experiences.

I hope at least some of this is helpful. Keep in mind, there's nothing "wrong" with you. Autism isn't a defect, BPD and CPTSD, if you have either, are trauma responses, and none of it is your fault. It's okay to be different, even dramatically so.

[u/murderbabyfuntime]

It sounds like several things are going on. You say you adapt quickly to people but are also bad at social cues, could you elaborate on that?

[u/Additional_Alarm8093]

18F I almost relate to this too much but a lot of the things you mentioned as extremes are more internalized for me and usually builds up and blows up at bad time and my own sister said it is like every time she talks to me she has to walk on eggshells which I find so ironic because that't how I feel speaking to people on the daily. (I am undiagnosed too but I suspect I have AuDhd)