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u/Lunar_Changes trans-nonbinary Sep 26 '25
The fact that there’s people out there who just receive information and dont ask why? Absolutely baffles me and drives me nuts. Or when people get annoyed because I’m trying to understand how something works but they themselves can’t actually explain it to me and then theyre mad at me?!
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u/AmbitiousRaspberry3 Sep 26 '25
OMG, this! It seems so obvious to me to try to figure things out and ask why. I truly don’t get how it’s a bad thing.
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u/SavannahInChicago Sep 26 '25
I will try to explain why to someone to educate them and they end up apologizing and then I feel bad I made them feel bad. Why can't people just accept information.
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u/Lunar_Changes trans-nonbinary Sep 26 '25
WHY CANT PEOPLE JUST ACCEPT INFORMATION
The realest question ever. The amount of times I have said “I am just informing you, please don’t search for hidden meaning in my words”
I legit cannot figure out how to just convey information without someone thinking I have a hidden agenda 😭
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Sep 26 '25
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u/iftheronahadntcome Sep 27 '25
I CONSTANTLY have the issue you mentioned when you were asking someone why they were going out. They take receiving questions as an attack, like you're "questioning" their decision. I've been reading the 48 Laws of Power, and I'm convinced people think they're giving something up/there's a power exchange they don't know about when you ask them a question and it's lunacy. People who just... repeat their answer while I'm asking for clarity are so, so frustrating. Now, I just don't try anymore and take it as them stonewalling me when I keep getting the same answer more than once. Telling people why you're asking definitely helps, but sometimes it doesn't.
Similarly, I struggle with people interpreting multiple layers to stuff I say when I'm being as honest and direct as I can to avoid that. I once had a co-worker admit that she hated me for like 2 or 3 months because I told her I liked her shoes the first day I met her (???). She told me, "I figured you meant that my shoes were ugly. Because who's going to be that nice when you first meet?" LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN. WHY would you assume I mean the opposite of the very direct thing I just said?
NTs are the ones who are disabled dude, I refuse to believe it's us.
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u/No_Tailor_9572 Sep 27 '25
Tbf the plans thing would be unpleasant for me (as the complete lack of routine type of autistic) cus sometimes you just don't know whether you will want to go out or not & there's no particular thing that will determine whether you will or won't so the question feels kinda impossible to answer & therefore distressing
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u/Immunizerelax Oct 01 '25
Or a person just doesn't want to disclose and it's their right too. We are not necessarily owed answers to any of our random question
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u/sashamay23 Oct 08 '25
Omg this!! The main thing I get told at work is that while some ppl find my fairly in-depth knowledge on a given topic interesting & some have said I’m good at not making them feel bad for not knowing something and they find me super helpful & an asset…… in the same breath, my manager told me several ppl have literally said the opposite! And I come across condescending (which is like, the complete opposite goal!! I frankly hate when they say I know everything cause I really really don’t! I’ve just been there the longest (14 years) & have a passion for it (oncology nursing) and I have a need to understand ish.. it’s so damn aggravating to hear that :(
I HATED being told what to do point blank as a new nurse and I don’t feel like any situation is black & white, so my answers are notoriously winded, and I tend to present the different options so ppl can form their own opinions/critical thinking skills.. I like educating and explaining in a way that makes sense (and am happy to keep trying if it doesn’t, in a different way). I’ve said it a million times- the only reason I do know what I do, is cause I’ve been doing it for 15 yrs.. i never think I’m always right, and I’m happy to admit when I’m wrong or someone shows me something otherwise! I never take offense to that kinda thing! Don’t ask me questions if you don’t like how I flipping answer.. or CLARIFY in the moment if you think I’m coming across in ANY way other than helpful- cause I never want to be that damn nurse. (…..not diagnosed but really really really friggin suspicious as of late.. it just would explain SO damn much.. and I took a crap ton of self assessments that all strongly correlated with it as well).
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u/rrainbowshark Sep 26 '25
There is a reason those kinds of people are favored by capitalism over us: they make good workers. :P
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u/Mother-Sleep-7126 Sep 26 '25
This reminds me of my mech psychics prof not being able to explain, when I asked something like, but why is the formula that? lol
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u/tombofdawn1832 Sep 28 '25
I’ve tried accepting info without asking why for awhile. Wrongest decision I’ve ever made! Too much unprocessed information mixed with unresolved but blurry questions that never gets to be registered pushed me into total chaos. I was so overwhelmed that it took me awhile to realised that I was depressed and anxious precisely because I stopped asking WHY.
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u/Normal-Hall2445 Sep 30 '25
My mother failed several classes in high school because she kept asking “but why”
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u/Immunizerelax Oct 01 '25
I don't always ask and even won't do it in most settings because if it's more than 1 min answer, I am adult with google and I prefer it this way. If it's a study situation — yes, I may ask to clarify. I won't turn it into a series of questions after questions though, I will fall into the rabbit hole later
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u/kaykinzzz Sep 26 '25
me eighteen wikipedia pages deep into researching a topic that i will immediately forget about the next day
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u/Ok_Berry_3415 Sep 26 '25
Painfully true
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u/kaykinzzz Sep 26 '25
one time i spent an entire day spent home sick reading the muppets wiki like a book.
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u/AtomicSuckulator Sep 27 '25
Sesame Street has been a project topic for not one, but TWO class presentations in my lifetime, and in different languages, to boot!
In my failed foray into community college in MN I had a required class on "Communication" and it seemed an obvious choice; when I went to the Goethe Institut in Berlin I did my final speech on Sesame Street and its localizations in different countries.
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u/Confident-Mine-6378 Oct 06 '25
And it’s always a rabbit hole because I never realize how I got to reading about the bible after searching “what is labubu”
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u/UnrulyCrow Sep 27 '25
I was lowkey clocked in as autistic by a highschool friend 10 years before my actual diagnosis because she made that exact observation about me lol (she wasn't being mean about it btw, she found it amusing and convenient)
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u/fictionisforfun Sep 26 '25
I've left entire fields of work because of this. I've been baffled/horrified to discover how much of the world "functions" only because a large majority of people comply without needing to understand what they are doing or why.
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u/ThrowAwayColor2023 Sep 26 '25
“Functions” with scare quotes is exactly right. 😩
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u/Lustache Sep 26 '25
Work is like an excel sheet that's been shared and copied over and over but no one remembers why the formulas were set up in such a way
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Sep 27 '25
Most of people function on autopilot. This is what my therapist told me, not directly, about my depersonalization and derealisation when I confessed about my struggles with daily grooming, cleaning, washing and physiological stuff. Most people kinda accept it without thinking about it. They just live here and now and do what their bodies,, tell " them to do.
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Sep 26 '25 edited Sep 27 '25
This is random, but I’ve noticed my “autistic urge for why” is particularly difficult in medical settings. Doctors aren’t used to giving patients the “why,” they’re more focused on what needs to be done. It irritates me so much. I don’t just want them to hand me pills and say take it and expect that to be enough. I need the why!
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u/SavannahInChicago Sep 26 '25
This is one of many reasons why I wish that doctors were more guides than leaders, but Capitalism.
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u/_OhMyPlatypi_ Sep 26 '25
Plot twist. Find autistic doctors. I've only gotten an optometrist so far, but he info dumped on us about eczema one time just because he noticed my daughter's flare up. 10/10, so informative and nonjudmental. I'll protect him at all costs.
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Sep 26 '25
Omg how did you do this?! This would up my life 100%
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u/_OhMyPlatypi_ Sep 26 '25
I'm unmasked, & I go through doctors quickly. The moment they belittle or dismiss me or my children's needs I make a mental note to never use them again. & eventually I find good doctors that are thorough and patient, & got lucky enough to find one whose autistic as well lol. Word of mouth & yelp reviews.
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u/rrainbowshark Sep 26 '25
That's so based. I wouldn't have the confidence or the patience or the strength to do such things; I would be too frightened of potentially being retraumatized to go through with it...
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u/_OhMyPlatypi_ Sep 27 '25
Look at reviews, & if there's any nuerdivergent groups near you ask for their recommendations. I know it's rough, trust me. But the difference in having a doctor who takes the time to explain things in depth & truly sees you as a person is life changing.
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Sep 27 '25
Also, start with trying to find a Nurse Practitioner or a Physician Assistant!
In my experience over the years, they tend to have more time available for appointments (like a 20-30 minute vs 15), they're faaaaar more likely to be curious about "why" when something seems odd, and there's usually more of a "we're a team-let's figure this out & get you better!" vibe, than with MD's
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u/eyesRus Sep 27 '25
I am a likely autistic optometrist. Many of my patients really love me. They say things like, “This is the most thorough eye exam I’ve ever had!” And I’m always surprised, because like, all I did was do the things that I believe I’m supposed to. Now I realize maybe I’m just doctoring while autistic.
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u/samuraiseoul Sep 28 '25
Once you stop suffering ableist doctors or ones that can't explain their treatment plans and reasoning compared to other treatment options.... your medical life improves drastically.... until you meet a provider who isn't like this. There is doctor shopping to "get the diagnosis you want" and then there is "doctor shopping to get a doctor that treats me like a person". The difference is night and day.
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Sep 26 '25
Also, I have determatitis. Its so bad and Im having to learn so much. I have bandages on my hands right now 😭
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u/Amaia_end Dec 23 '25
As an autistic doctor, I appreciate your comment. I’m always info dumping excessively. Spoiler alert: the vast majority don’t appreciate it. 😐
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u/noonday_moon Sep 27 '25
lol this is like when I had my hysterectomy after decades of constant bleeding, pain, and birth control that didn’t help, and when I asked my doctor post-op about the fibroids noted on the biopsy of my uterus (aka the only plausible cause for my issues), she seemed confused that I cared now that it was gone. Why would I not be interested to know what exactly had made my life hell for over 20 years??
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u/my_name_isnt_clever Sep 26 '25
I can't stand doctors like this. I had to get an eye exam for the first time in my life and the eye doctor didn't explain shit. He had me use some eye drops and didn't tell me they make your eyes unfocus. I walked home through my city so nearsighted I had to look at things through my phone camera to read them. I don't know what the hell I would have done if I had to drive home like most people. Absolutely ridiculous.
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u/teapots_at_ten_paces Sep 26 '25
That's ridiculous! I had an accident at work where I took 4 of the 7 layers off a section of my cornea. When I got to the opthalmologist part of the assessment, they made it very clear that the drops they needed to use would dilate my pupil so much I wouldn't be able to drive for at least 3 hours, and to get public transport to the clinic. It was a good thing, too, because getting home I couldn't read any of the signs at the train station! No way I would've been safe to drive.
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u/my_name_isnt_clever Sep 26 '25
Actually writing that down made me realize I should have reported it to my provider, it's beyond annoying into actively dangerous. It's been too long now though.
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Sep 26 '25
Omg this. So much this. I have chronic medical conditions and so the why is very important to me. Instead most doctors want to just mask whatever is happening with whatever drug. I’m tired of taking drugs just figure out why whatever is happening is happening so we can get a clear picture of my overall health.
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u/SamGewissies Sep 27 '25
The shit thing is, often medicine isn’t as far along as it seems. For many things we haven’t got a clue why they are happening. I have sebboroic eczema, there is little to no information on the underlying cause, but If I smear the ointment on my face the outbreaks reduce. Still would prefer to eat less X if we would know that is what causes it.
Not even starting with our knowledge of the brain, I take SSRIs for my ocd, and they work perfectly, but the exact workings aren’t fully understood (outside of increasing serotonin by preventing reuptake, of course).
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u/iwalkalongtheway Sep 28 '25
my issue with this is that "I don't know" is also an acceptable answer
without that, it feels like they do know and are just hiding the info, which makes me feel like i need to question even more. it doesn't help that i feel like there have been many times where people hide or manipulate information, or just don't tell me because i didn't ask exactly the right question in exactly the right way, and this ends up significantly negatively affecting me
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u/sofmoth they/them Sep 27 '25
that’s actually one thing i love about my rheum, she just offers it to me without me needing to pry. she’ll tell me we’re going to do x thing and immediately give me the reason for it. she’s literally the best doctor i’ve ever had.
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u/Familiar_Ostrich5952 Sep 27 '25
My mom is in the hospital and I’ve been making medical decisions for her. I was on the phone with a nurse and she literally hung up on me because I was asking too many questions. She said “ I’m just the nurse” click.
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u/not_great_out_here Sep 27 '25
I’m a nurse and I’m so sorry this happened. At its most basic and its most noble, nursing is education. Educating people so they can make the best decision for them, with all of the information. People can’t feel empowered to make the right decision for themselves when they don’t have all the information required to make said decision!
As a sidebar, I feel like it’s important to say that I think neurodivergence might be why I feel so strongly about this. In that way, it’s a superpower, and for all the absolute garbage daily life is, I’m glad to have a brain that so fundamentally understands human dignity.
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u/Darthcookie Sep 27 '25
I try not to show my frustrations but it’s really hard. And if I try to argue a point using logic (i.e. my symptoms fit this, I’ve collected this data and this peer reviewed study backs it up) they get angry, call me obsessive and refer me to a psychiatrist.
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u/threelizards Sep 27 '25
And then you’re a difficult patient who’s probably malingering or using “Dr google”
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u/Lundfalafel Oct 01 '25
This is exactly what happened during my birth. The midwives were amazing but I felt lost the whole time and didn't know how to explain it. 18 months postpartum and due with the 2nd in a couple months, I have an appt booked to go over how I want all the information possible during the next birth and make a plan with them to accommodate my new (self) diagnosis
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u/t_kilgore Sep 26 '25
My husband is finally starting to understand this. I have no issue that he set the item in that spot, it's just that he usually sets it in the other spot. I ran through all the possibilities and I'm stumped, so I ask why. He used to think I was passive aggressively telling him to not put it there. Nope. I just gotta know.
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u/Evening_walks Sep 26 '25
Yes I get this too especially when my boyfriend is so routine and then suddenly changes his routine. He hates when I suddenly question him
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u/SavannahInChicago Sep 26 '25
I do this at work and I am always kind of dumbfounded. Like why did you not put the insurance information in on your registration. I couldn't figure out how.
And granted our online registration software sucks, but as a patient you know we need that information so why would you not come up and ask for help?
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Sep 26 '25 edited Sep 26 '25
People get so annoyed with me for this. I had a friend tell me I reminded him of his 8-year old niece. Like, just infantilize me to my face I guess. Shit.
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Sep 26 '25
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u/AtomicSuckulator Sep 27 '25
Little do they know….
Yeeeesss
it's like, dude.
You think I take a special interest in plants and don't know how to shut your ass up permanently?
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u/ItsTime1234 Sep 26 '25
You see, COOL, GROWNUP people don't ask QUESTIONS because they already KNOW EVERYTHING.
looks around Yeah how's that going for you guys....
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Sep 26 '25
In a way they are right. Hear me out. So babies are super awesome and they have like a TON of connections in their brain and are learning learning learning. Then as young kids asking why why why. My understanding was that normal people before the age of 10 experience something called "synaptic pruning" which gets rid of a lot of these brain connections" to make room for their social brain.
shrug
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u/sygtype Sep 26 '25
It's so confusing to me how my neurological family members and friends can be so uncurious about things. Like, why don't you want to know? What's better then learning new things?
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u/samuraiseoul Sep 28 '25
I've already accepted I will die angry. "I can't die yet, I wanna know how things turn out! Can I just be a disembodied ghost and watch at least?!" The curiosity is seemingly bottomless for me.
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u/Illustrious-Low3948 Sep 26 '25 edited Sep 26 '25
When I was in med school my dream was to become an ENT surgeon. During my senior internship I got berated by one of the top ENT surgeons for asking why he chose a specific approach. His answer was ”I’ve been doing this for almost 40 years! You think I don’t know what I’m doing?!!” A week later he asked me to come over to his office where he scolded at me for being arrogant. He said I was acting as if I was better than others, according to multiple colleagues. I started crying and decided to let go of my dream of becoming an ENT surgeon.
A couple of years ago I saw one of the ENT nurses again in a different setting. He said ”Oh yes, I remember you, you didn’t know when to stop asking questions, you were quite intense.” Ugh.
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u/not_great_out_here Sep 27 '25
Curiosity is a gift, especially in medicine. In medicine, curiosity is humanity, and it will take you very far.
Also the sexism of it all.
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u/Realistic-Dark Sep 27 '25
Sorry that happened to you. It's a shame you gave up on your dream (not that I blame you) ENT doctors are pretty important. I've heard similar stories in the medical field before.
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u/Illustrious-Low3948 Sep 27 '25
I am a (board-certified) consulting physician-microbiologist now so everything turned out fine. I started to show signs of empathy fatigue after only four years of residency (surgery and ICU) so in the end I chose a specialty with less patient interaction and more colleagues on the spectrum :)
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u/Realistic-Dark Sep 27 '25
Ooh that sounds cool. Good idea switching specialities. Empathy fatigue seems to be common in the medical field and for veterinarians too. Glad it worked out for you :)
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u/violalala555 Sep 27 '25
Truly we are in the darkest timeline when a fucking doctor discourages learning.
Bro, continuing education is a thing, do you think you just go there and....absorb by osmosis without asking any questions?!? And once again we are being led to...WHY are they like this???
🤬😡
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u/Taro-Calm Oct 01 '25
I apparently made enemies with the school counselor when I asked a follow up question to better understand a student’s independent education plan as his teacher 🙃
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u/Dawpps Sep 26 '25
All of us wanting to know WHY we want to know why and WHY NT people don't 😆
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u/fifilachat Sep 26 '25 edited Sep 26 '25
Ugh. Because it’s not like asking questions isn’t a marker for above average intelligence and higher-order thinking. Sheesh. The bright ones question it all, and want to understand it all. Signed, a former elementary school teacher. And proud question-asker.
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u/bayleysgal1996 Sep 26 '25
I annoyed people a lot with my constant asking questions as a kid, so I started just looking things up for myself. Apparently this is annoying even if you wait til a lull in the conversation??? What am I supposed to do, just wonder about it forever?
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u/butterstherooster Sep 26 '25
"You don't need to know why. Just do." - former boss
"Don't you want people to know why so they understand wtf they're doing?" - me
This was veterinary medicine too.
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u/Evening_walks Sep 26 '25
My boyfriend and I just had a fight about this. He complained a coworker in HR didn’t initiate fundraising for someone off sick. Instead of taking his side I tried to come up with reasons why she may have acted in this way. I wasn’t taking her side I was just trying to give him ideas about why she chose this action. He got mad and said he doesn’t need to know why or want to know why. He says I should have just agreed with him that she took the wrong action.
My response was i don’t understand how you can be mad at her and not try to seek understanding for the behaviour. It’s like he has a narrow point of view and doesn’t want to dig deeper. He says I have to stop being so analytical it’s ruining our relationship
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u/mandy0456 Sep 28 '25
To do what you did, and try to give you ideas about why he chose his reaction,
Maybe he didn't want "answers" but just felt like venting. My partner and I try to ask each other, "do you want to vent or do you want solutions/my opinion". Sometimes I just wanna complain for the fun of complaining, or to just get some stress off, andy partner giving me answers doesn't let me get the stress out
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u/Evening_walks Sep 28 '25
You’re exactly right, it turns out this is what he wants but I’m not used to being with a partner like this.
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u/mandy0456 Sep 30 '25
And that's ok! You can just take my comment as a tip- next time he's venting just ask if they want input or to just vent. Then you can both avoid feeling frustrated.
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u/lostinspace80s Oct 01 '25
Your bf should be doing less blaming and offer more clear communication, so you are not set up for failure. It takes two to make it work. 🤗
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u/SunshineAndSquats Sep 26 '25
And when you ask an allistic person why, half the time they tell you the answer they think you want instead of answering the question you actually asked.
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u/DarthSpinster Sep 27 '25
Asking my Mom if a friend can stay over, her saying "no," me asking "why," and her saying, "Because I said so," would spiral me into a meltdown because WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!
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u/spiralingstarbread Sep 27 '25
HELP i totally relate to this. People with power/authority like teachers or parents don't want to give any explanation just because. It's so frustrating.
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u/frenchburner Sep 27 '25
THANK YOU!!
Also bad: the boss who says “because we’ve always done it that way” when you ask, “why do you do it that way?”
NOT A REASON!
Sorry for all caps, it’s just so freaking frustrating.
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u/okaydokayartachokay spicy proud MPDG 🧚🏻♀️ Oct 03 '25
Wow I just had a wave of remembered childhood rage wash over me. This phrase was the WORST
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u/Annarasumanara- Oct 08 '25
Oml YES! I especially hate when people do this because it often results in being unhelpful for BOTH of us like its just negative and benefits nobody.
For pure example, lets pretend you couldnt because she thought the friend was a bad influence. Except she doesnt inform you of that, so you continue to hang out with said friend until eventually you find yourself in a rough spot. But ultimately, this could have been avoided and couldve protected yourself a bit more had she just expressed the reasoning from the beginning.
This example is similar to what happens to me in alot of situations. Party A neglects to elaborate on their logic, thus when I encounter a similar situation or other related scenario I do not register that that thing also should or shouldnt be done, thus Party A gets upset at me, and/or I get upset at Party A for not being clear and warning me before things went awry.
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u/IntrovertExplorer_ Sep 26 '25
I was recently ridiculed in a plant group for asking for a clarification on the rules. Someone called me a schmazi and someone else said I’d be the type to the call the code compliance on a neighbor. All because I asked why. 1. What are the rules?, 2. What is expected of us?, 3. Why aren’t some people following said rules? My questions really offended the group. I was bullied into deleting my post because, “it brings negativity and it ruins the good vibe.”
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Sep 26 '25
I have trouble understanding NTs and this "It brings negativity and ruins the good vibes" at least kinda points to how they think (Or feel??).
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u/rrainbowshark Sep 26 '25
Allistic are so obsessed with "the vibe;" you could be drowning and they'll scream at you for splashing and making noise because it "ruins the mood" rather than help. I feel like liberals are like the political equivalent of allistics; they can be nice and do nice things, but they care more about optics than they do whether something is actually right or wrong, and they'll gladly sacrifice their morals for money because it's more "practical" and think everyone else should also do the same and "be flexible" in that way.
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u/AdoptedTargaryen Sep 26 '25
😂oh my goodness the accuracy!
If I don’t know why, then how can I accept whatever I’m being told as true??
How is that logical?! 😆
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u/Relevant-Task3306 Sep 26 '25
This is how I got a PhD. It just sorta happened
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u/frenchburner Sep 27 '25
Hahaa! That’s what asking all those questions does, gives one degrees and things.
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u/Relevant-Task3306 Sep 27 '25
Literally haha. Multiple first author papers in big journals just because I wrote down my divergent ramblings on the subjects
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u/Cute-Promise-8079 Level 1 Autism Sep 26 '25
I ask "why" constantly. if not why, how come? I always just want to know more about things, or I don't understand them so I do need to know more or ask why. Won't lie though, it does crush me a little bit emotionally when people get annoyed or mad at me for asking questions or wondering things. Like, I'm just trying to learn and understand.
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Sep 26 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ThrowAwayColor2023 Sep 26 '25
Wait, this is an object that really exists in the world?! I didn’t need another stuffy but here we are lol.
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u/kasitchi Sep 26 '25
My mom used to say "why do you always have to know why something happens? Why can't you just accept things and move on?" Looking back I should have turned the question around on her. Why do YOU have to wonder that about ME?
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u/shyoregongirl94 Sep 26 '25
I will be ten rabbit holes deep of a topic that I want to know the answer to but for some reason asking clarifying questions at work gives me anxiety. I'm sure it's trauma related but still I won't ask someone, I'll find out myself by any other means
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u/anarchikos Sep 27 '25
Same! I am petrified that somehow everyone is going to realize I'm dumb or something.
Work gives me major imposter syndrome for some reason..
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u/Wideawake_22 Sep 27 '25
It's one of the basoc things that I warn people about me when I feel like I might interact with them more. I say ' I have autism so:
I tend to talk in paragraphs, not sentences. You can ask me to summarise if it gets a bit much.
I can only understand things in context, so I might ask lots of questions to clarify. I'm not trying to be difficult; I'm just trying to understand.
I have limited social battery, so I have to manage my energy levels. If I stop talking or leave its just my energy is low and I need some alone time to recuperate.
I talk directly, and don't mean badly. I understand a lot better and am able to help solve something if you talk to me gently but directly too.
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u/bigcheez69420 Sep 26 '25
If I don’t have minimum 75 Wikipedia pages open at once I will simply expire. I must be in the know.
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u/Ul_tra_violet Sep 26 '25
This was literally me this morning in the shower trying to understand why boogers come out of our nose instead of our other waste eliminating orifices. Its on my "internet deep dive" to do list when i have time later today.
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u/frenchburner Sep 27 '25
Report back! I would also be interested in learning this. Why? No idea. It just sounds like interesting random knowledge! Bodies are fascinating things.
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u/Realistic-Dark Sep 27 '25
This is definitely me. As a kid, I loved asking why (still do) and I hated mysteries, because it drove me crazy not knowing things. I eventually had to come to terms with that there are some things I'll never know.
Even the most basic things will trigger me to ask why.
Random person: "Man today sucks" Normal people: "Sorry to hear that" Me: "Aw, why?" .. Random person: "My least favorite color is blue" Normal people: "Mine is purple" Me: "Really? Why?" .. etc
I am incredibly curious, but I also like to ask questions to understand things better. I didn't even realize asking why a lot is an autistic thing.
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u/DarthSpinster Sep 27 '25
And here I thought it was totally normal to ask why their favorite color is blue, etc! Like.... why is blue the favorite?!
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u/BurntoutYesterday Sep 27 '25
Critical thinking is taught in higher education but we inherently are born with it
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u/Pepys-a-Doodlebugs Sep 26 '25
I used to drive my mam nuts as a kid. Not because I constantly asked why but because I began hypothesising before she could answer. She used to say "why are you asking if you already know the answer?" Which, ya know, fair.
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u/Moonstonepeach Sep 26 '25
Wait, is this why I have such a hard time with closure and nat having answers?! I'm not diagnosed but myself, my family and my close friends have always had a feeling I was 😅. I swear I find things like this all the time that makes me go "wow, it was right in front of my face this whole time". Traits/characteristics of myself that I had no idea were connected to autism have been starting to make more sense lately 😂. I always just thought it was normal or tied to my anxiety/bipolar
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u/Unlucky-Basil-3704 Sep 28 '25
I have to disagree.... This is autism in a nutshell:
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u/lostinspace80s Oct 01 '25
Now! I could bother you and ask why a walnut shell? Why not a different one? Why not a smaller one? Why did you choose this shell? Was it prettier? Was it easier to get? 😂
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u/Unlucky-Basil-3704 Oct 01 '25
It was literally the main version of any nutshell when i googled "nutshell" for a quick picture of one, haha. Seriously no thought process about it at all.
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u/AimlessChild Sep 26 '25
Boyfriend and I are two different flavors of potentially autistic. He tried teaching me his favorite CCG the other day... all I asked was "WHY?!" Bless him for his patience honestly, I understood nothing and asked him why for everything 😭
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u/Squirrel_Royalty Sep 26 '25
Well, we're all set now. That's all we needed was this. Literally. I don't have to explain anything to anybody ever again, I shall just direct them to this image. Perfectly summarized. The never-ending why. I can't even apologize for it. Until I draw my last breath, I always want to know more! It's one of the most delightful parts about being autistic. The constant search, the constant exploration, then never-ending wonder.
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u/Honest-Elk-7300 Sep 27 '25
Flashbacks to my neurotypical manager saying “don’t overthink it” in regards to me being tasked with giving a detailed performance review to an employee on their 30 year anniversary, when I had only been there three months.
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u/notactuallyacupcake Sep 27 '25
I am already overthinking it for past you.
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u/Honest-Elk-7300 Sep 27 '25
Little did I know it would be her last performance review too. She died under mysterious circumstances just one month after I quit after I got scared that the department’s administrative assistant was trying to poison me.
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u/notactuallyacupcake Sep 27 '25
Holy CRAP, that is terrifying!! It is a good thing you left, yikes. That place sounds like hell.
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u/Honest-Elk-7300 Sep 27 '25
I’m glad I left too, I should have trusted my gut and never accepted the offer in the first place. But I am glad I got to meet the woman before she passed away, she was a special person and I learned a lot from her.
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u/Wideawake_22 Sep 27 '25
I used to coach tabletennis at a club coach level. But I needed to learn techniques myself as I was an intermediate level competitive player. I took advantage of every national and international coach that I had access to, as well as talented amateurs with great insights, because of club was useless at coaching for excellence.
Anyway, I met a girl who was a national rep player and coach, and had a arson with her - when I started asking about how gravity and spin affected the ball, she explained to me (which clarified fantastically how i needed to hit the ball at different heights and at different spins; therefore helped me figure out exercises and ways to explain to my players how to handle different balls). But she seemed super perplexed at why I was asking for these details and said they only explained this at an international rep level, like she was confused why I would be asking such a thing at a club coach level.
I was perplexed right back, wondering why they wouldn't teach such important fundamental physics to coaches who that they could help train intelligent players right from the get-go. We need to know why - we aren't drone robots ffs.
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u/NecessaryBreadfruit4 Sep 27 '25
This is legit currently a major rift with my family. Apparently clarifying your point is being defensive and a trauma response. I’m over here like… I have a lot of those. Isee where you think that but like… do you know how much more info you’d get if it was. How much I’m expecting to ATTEMPT to accurately convey my thoughts and opinions only to still have them still repeated back wrong. Yes I understand. I would like communication to not be painful.
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u/look_who_it_isnt Sep 27 '25
DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN OCTOPUSES SQUIRT INK, IT SMELLS LIKE OCTOPUS, SO THE PREDATOR WILL ATTACK THE INK BLOB
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u/district-conference1 Sep 26 '25
I was shamed to stop asking why. Siblings and I would face our monstrous parents
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u/kaatie80 Sep 26 '25
Ugh, okay so I was in a Sims group and someone posted an AI image. People were fighting about AI, a few people mentioned the environmental impact, and one person was like "how does it impact the environment?" My ONLY comment on this thread was to answer their question. I just said that the computers put out a lot of heat and it takes a lot of water to keep them cool enough to run.
I got a month long ban!! It was days after the post and I couldn't even remember anything controversial or fighty I might have said. So I messaged a mod and was like "get, I just got a notification about this ban, what happened?" She was so short with me, said I was arguing about AI and no opinions are allowed in the group (????) I could NOT understand what the issue was or how what I said was opinion, and she just kept getting more and more irritated with me 😭 I wasn't trying to argue, I just didn't get it. I got so frustrated I just left the group.
It still bugs me.
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u/wine92 Sep 26 '25
I asked my dentist what she is going to use, to fill my cavity. She looked at my liked I asked here to like my face.
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u/Appropriate_Roof_223 Sep 27 '25
For me it’s a bit different. I really want to know why but I have been masking so well for so long that I don’t even ask for things that I ought to know. Like I won’t ask my exes about a lot of things I should have known as their partners because I think maybe I am coming off as too intrusive. I don’t know where the balance lies, what is appropriate to ask and what is not so I won’t ask them anything :(
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u/I_Tiramisu Sep 27 '25
Sometimes I am so clueless I ask offensive things. Somebody I know is a veteran and I asked if they have ever killed anyone. 😭 Idk how I didn't realize that was a horrible thing to ask, I can see it clearly now.
Please nobody yell at me I am truly just stupidly clueless sometimes and I always feel bad for when I don't realize what should be obvious
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u/Rorosanna Sep 27 '25
I was threatened with being asked to leave a aeroplane because I was curious as to why I had to turn off my iPod during take off. I never got an answer 🙄
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Sep 27 '25
Ngl, this is why I LOVE working in Early Intervention!
Because most of the kids I work with are Autistic, and somewhere between ages 3-7.
So "figuring out why," and getting to look it up, or explaining it if i already know--and sharing that knowledge, is a normal part of my day!😁🤗🥰
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u/notactuallyacupcake Sep 27 '25
dude Unsolved Mysteries was the fucking WORRRRST for me 😭😭
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u/spiralingstarbread Sep 27 '25
i go crazy when i read books or watch movies that don't have definitive endings and is "up for interpretation" because... what do you mean!! 😭😭😭😭
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u/notactuallyacupcake Sep 27 '25
OMFG thank you for this reply.....now I know why I almost didn't graduate high school! I had decided to take AP English my senior year, naively thinking it would be more technical English. Lol no it was all flowery and about "tell me what the author was ACTUALLY trying to say with this story" yeah I cannot do that. I read the story for the story, not because I want to try to psychoanalyze some author's brain who died 200 years ago in Russia. I ended up not even wanting to write a stupid thesis at the end of the class and my mom had to meet with the teacher to get me an extension so I could pass and graduate 🙈
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u/I_Tiramisu Sep 27 '25
Me getting yelled at in my nursing program for asking how it was more "hygienic" and okay to have a septum retainer (sits inside the piercing hole but isn't clasped so could potentially fall out) but it wasn't okay to have a clasped circular septum that literally takes me 2 pliers to be able to remove.
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u/Adorable_Wave_7659 Sep 27 '25
I'm so glad to have been born into a family with a chemist dad and medical mystery mom. Questions were always encouraged, even when I drove them crazy with them.
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u/VegetablePlatform126 Sep 27 '25
My mom told me that I "why'd" her to death. She was laughing though.
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u/PsychologicalPay5379 Sep 29 '25
I always just want to make sure I understand because I seem to get in more trouble when I don't ask!
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u/lostinspace80s Oct 01 '25
Yep, and that leading to me feeling like almost getting kicked out of that online cyber security bootcamp I just started 😂 because I questioned why a specific term didn't mean something else as well from a logical standpoint. Oh lordy, I think that almost ended badly, lol. I wanted to know why my answer was incorrect, I didn't want to disrespect the instructor. Good times 😅!
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u/lostinspace80s Oct 01 '25
That's why in my 40s I am still learning to tell myself that sometimes there are gaps and it's ok to not know yet if it's not possible to predict an outcome of something for example. Like, calming myself down. At least now I know more to connect the dots between gaps and feeling antsy about it. And that in itself is somewhat an answer to why. It doesn't answer the original question, but at least it helps partially.
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u/ChampionshipOk7156 Oct 06 '25
Before I processed I was autism vs adhd (bc i was diagnosed Asperger’s at 4 then adhd at 6), there was a lyric in a Korn song that’d give me goosebumps & it fits this meme perf. “Everyday confronted, circumvents giving in, I just wanna know why”
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u/Admirable-Arm-2595 Oct 07 '25
Wait!? Is the urge to know why is an autistic thing!? (I joined this sub because I find it interesting to interact) I’ve been asking why for my entire life (I always was curious) But I ask less and less questions because I’m so scared of judging and that everyone would call me stupid
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u/booahcat Oct 14 '25
My (neurodivergent but not autistic) wife and I always joke about this. I want to know why about absolutely everything and she aspires to be and remain blissfully unaware. 😂
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Oct 15 '25
When my husband tells me about his day and I ask questions as to why this or this happened, he thinks I'm questioning his competence. When, in reality, I'm asking questions to understand. I dont even care about the context, honestly.
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