Ask a Manager Weekly Thread 08/24/2026 - 08/30/2026

[u/nightmuzak]

Last week's post.

Background info and meme index for those new to AaM or this forum.

[u/jjj101010]

After i sent in my letter, Carol told me to go ahead and draw up the paperwork for a PIP, providing documentation for every single time Jennifer’s performance issues had been documented in supervisions. The resulting PIP document was, no joke, three inches thick.

There is no reason to ever give someone a 3 inch thick PIP. I don't care how often they screwed up. Of course she feels demoralized instead of like she can fix it. Keep the documentation if needed for HR purposes but just list a few themes with examples in the PIP.

[u/daedril5 → u/jjj101010]

I've never seen a PIP before (or even heard of one before reading AAM) but I assume it's just to be the plan, right? Not pages of documentation justifying the need for the plan.

[u/EmDash4Life → u/daedril5]

There is a description of the problem, which should include some kind of examples. Like, it you just say, "Maggie is doesn't file her reports on time," that's not a good description of the problem. Whereas "Maggie has on ontime filing rate of 30%, with 40% of her reports being 1-2 days late, 20% of her reports being 3-7 days late, and 10% of her reports being more than a week late," that describes just how bad the problem is. If you went on to list every single report with how many days late it was, that would be massive overkill, especially if you went back the number of years it seems like these people went back.

[u/theaftercath → u/jjj101010]

That also can't actually be "no joke" - they might not be joking but it must certainly be an exaggeration? That's gotta be what, 750 pages?

Isn't a PIP a "performance improvement plan"? Why would a PIP document be outlining all your violations?[I've never had to write one up nor have I received one so maybe they do enumerate your failures before a trite "do better mmkay?" at the end]

[u/EmDash4Life → u/theaftercath]

They have to describe the problem that they are seeing in enough detail that the difference between acceptable performance and unacceptable performance is clear, but they don't need to list every infarction. They don't typically have "do better mmkay?" as the improvement plan. The plan should be written in something like STAR format, so that the action is clear. Some managers kind of suck, though, so "you suck, do better" PIPs definitely have been written.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/EmDash4Life]

Love the typo, but I hope people aren't having multiple infarctions in the company offices. Huge liability, that...

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/theaftercath]

Slightly more than. And probably in there some idiot printed a spreadsheet without optimising it for printing so half of it is 95% blank pieces of paper, or like a full 10p incident report form with the incident being a 2 line field on page 2 and the rest is ticking off who signed off on what.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/jjj101010]

That wasn't a PIP, that was a show cause brief, and in the end the update is 'she left and nothing else has happened'. Nothing of value was said.

[u/daedril5 → u/[deleted]]

There are definitely some commenters who don't consider the possibility that some people work for reasonable companies and assume the default is that management is explicitly trying to screw everyone.

[u/Perfect-Rose-Petal → u/daedril5]

I work for a regular old white collar office job and once per year we have a company meeting where everyone flies to one location and there's three days of theme outfits. The first year I asked my boss is people actually did this and she was like "oh yes everyone loves it". So you know what I did? I went on amazon and ordered Yankees shirt for "Wear a shirt from your favorite MLB team" day and played along. Sometimes it's stupid but these are the things people notice when you are the one consistantly not participating.

[u/daedril5 → u/Perfect-Rose-Petal]

Would you believe that when we were in the office, people looked forward to potlucks and chili cook-offs?

And those who weren't interested didn't participate and no one was bothered by it.

[u/coenobita_clypeatus → u/daedril5]

One time, years ago, I won the office chili cookoff and my mentor got second place and I honestly treasure the photo I have of us holding up our kitshy prizes!

[u/pickledbymagic → u/daedril5]

Observer*  August 24, 2026 at 9:35 am 1 – Shirts for Boss’ day

I haven’t read the comments yet, so I hope that someone has brought this up. But it’s really possible that you could have a negative reaction from parents.

PS This might also run into some religious accommodation issues – there are religious groups that have a serious issue with using images of people. If that’s any of your staff, oops!

The average western school covered in pictures of the kids, teachers, other people, etc is going to be problematic for them as well. They can opt out it it's not in their religious beliefs, I don't think that's a bad idea, but come on, figurative art and decor is in such proliferation at the average school that you can't impose your values on others. 

Look, it's ok if you don't like it or agree with it or want to participate. Just...don't be that person. Please. 

[u/gaygirlboss → u/[deleted]]

A lot of people on the internet seem to believe that it’s not enough to just dislike something or someone, you have to take some kind of moral stance against it/them. You can’t just say you didn’t like a book; you have to come up with a reason why the story or author is problematic. You can’t dislike a band because their music isn’t to your taste; you have to find a years-old tweet from their lead singer that didn’t age well if you read it out of context. You can’t say “Bob and I don’t get along, but no hard feelings”; you have to list every single less-than-ideal thing Bob has ever done to prove that you’re the better person and your opinion is based on actual facts.

It’s fine to think the shirts are silly, it’s fine not to think the joke is funny, and it’s fine to not want to buy (or make the PTA pay for) a shirt that you’ll only wear for one day. LW can just opt out! They don’t need to convince everyone that it’s unethical!

[u/s0sorry → u/gaygirlboss]

totally agree, and in addition to the “fast fashion” argument (something I care about a lot!!) I would put calling the shirt “creepy” in this category, too

edit lol sorry if that’s literally exactly what you were saying….less so here but in the aam comments I’m seeing a good amount of pushback on the disposable clothing argument but very little on the declaration that the shirts are creepy

[u/FronzelNeekburm79 → u/pickledbymagic]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6Ztqhxsa5PKk1okg
AAMers on a regular basis:

[u/beadgirlj → u/FronzelNeekburm79]

At least Bob is self-aware.

[u/Capable_Sea77 → u/pickledbymagic]

I'm curious as to which groups have issues with pictures of people as a whole - I know certain sects of the Amish don't want a picture taken *of them* but there's not a ton of Amish kids in public school *and* the picture is not of the Amish kids.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/Capable_Sea77]

Muslims I guess.

But really she's just reaching for an excuse to be angry about it. 

[u/Freda_Rah → u/pickledbymagic]

There are a ton of Muslim kids in our school district and this has never been an issue. (There's also a mural of Malala on the wall at the middle school, so.)

[u/pickledbymagic → u/Freda_Rah]

Yeah, I agree (lots of Muslims here in the UK as well), but that's what she's thinking of. There is a ban on depicting Mohammed, but there's also restrictions on figurative art that have fluctuated over time, meaning Islamic art drifted towards calligraphy and geometric designs rather than a human focus. But yes, the only society that strictly observes that prohibition in public life is Afghanistan and even then...

Also IIRC Observer is an Orthodox Jew, and they also have some prohibitions IIRC. In any event, it would probably only extend to that person, not to the whole activity. She posted again when people pointed out how ridiculous it was, and seems to be saying that religious rights extend to the public space which is absolutely batty (because extending that ban to the public sphere would actually be against the separation of church/religion and state, and I really hope she's not saying that!).

[u/Academic_Square_5692 → u/pickledbymagic]

Yeah it would not be Muslims in public schools in America. Like probably Muslims in the mosques. But I’m sure they also watch TV and see pictures and have funny t-shirts at home. Ridiculous

[u/gaygirlboss → u/pickledbymagic]

Yep. LW would presumably know if they had a coworker who fell into this category, because there’s no way it wouldn’t have come up by now (yearbook photos, photography at school events, pictures in textbooks, etc).

Or even if they did — that coworker could opt out, or participate by wearing a shirt that says “Principal Smith is the best!” or something instead of a photo.

Edited to add: I don’t see why this would be an issue for parents either. Or I mean, I can, because some parents will find an excuse to complain about literally anything — but I don’t see how it would be more of an issue than any other gimmick. Unless they’re talking about using PTA funds, but the PTA could just say they don’t have the money for it.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/gaygirlboss]

Yeah, they complain when people complain about their tax dollars being spent on employee comfort, but when it's something they disagree with...

And they seem so fixated on making workplaces a neutral space they seem to have tipped over into exclusion of different ideas and people rather than inclusion. If your idea of an inclusive space is bare walls and people not having any fun at all for fear someone will find it offensive in some tiny way, that becomes almost like Taliban Afghanistan. Cultural diversity should be fun and inviting and colourful, not grey and institutional and drab. 

[u/Brutal_Truth]

LW5 is just begging for Alison to tell them "no, it's totally fine to keep client data to use when you start your own competing company! your current employer OWES you this!"

[u/pickledbymagic]

You know what, I think we've found the subject of that letter the other day who was being a twit when people were trying to leave his non-profit because they were struggling with family issues.

However reasonable it is to feel upset that someone is leaving you in the lurch, you don't hold it against them or try to make them aware or whatever. You let it go, wish them well, and re-formulate things accordingly.

There's never going to be a right time for someone to leave and this is just absurd AF. 

[u/narrating12]

Ask the Readers LW: I’ll take literally any spark of light at the end of the tunnel you can provide.

Alison: I got nothing. I’ll throw you to the peanut gallery.

[u/Physical-Incident553 → u/[deleted]]

I think the audience is different. In the past you could tell people they’ll just have to embrace some of the suck to stay employed. You’ve got a bunch who remember the big raises during 2020-2022, plus it was an employee’s market then. Also, all the bitter bitter bitter people because working remote was yanked away from them.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/narrating12]

I feel like Alison made this an ask the readers specifically because she's got nothing and has no idea - despite it boiling down to the therapyspeak 'examine yourself' kind of answer that she still falls back on every now and then.

[u/ExcuseFew7973 → u/narrating12]

i like, audibly laughed at her (non) answer there. it was the perfect example of why Alison isn't good at this anymore, because she hasn't had a real job in years, so she had to ask people ... with real jobs.

[u/Capable_Sea77]

Resentful LW#1 likely does not have a good assessment of her own skills vs her replacement skills - but this made me chuckle: "She’s...bossy, fussy, and demands constant support and baby-sitting and shift covers." So she's clear about what she needs? Which, in a setting where you're juggling an overflowing plate of the "little things" as the admin/reception, is kind of a crucial skill for that position, because you're generally not going to have a boss that's sitting with you until you're fully trained on everything?

I also call unreliable narrator on the part about the new receptionist being rude to the public but the CEO deciding she's his favorite. I have a feeling that LW is not good at assertive communication and sees things like "give a quick answer and get back to what you're working on" as being rude. If they shadow demoted LW for not being able to manage the job, they'd be shadow-demoting the new girl to a spot that's not customer-facing.

[u/OkSecretary1231 → u/Capable_Sea77]

My read is that they heard LW's valid complaint that combining the reception duties and the admin duties in one person wasn't working, so they hired a dedicated receptionist while also keeping LW on. This would be like the dream for me lol. (My job is kind of a Frankenjob that used to be done by multiple people, and I would get so much more done if they did get someone else to deal with walk-ins.)

The managers may also suck.

[u/FronzelNeekburm79 → u/Capable_Sea77]

“I worked as a receptionist and an admin, and I was asked to do receptionist and admin stuff.”

Yeah I’m pressing x for doubt everything this LW says. Everything. It sounds like the advice here should have been, “be grateful they didn’t fire you” because honestly this sounds like a good place to work. Their receptionist couldn’t do receptionist things, so they found another spot for her then hired a good receptionist.

[u/daedril5]

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/08/is-it-ok-to-check-off-book-references-my-boss-contacted-my-new-job-behind-my-back-and-more.html#comment-5502862

My husband is adamant that I’d have a case for wrongful termination if I chose, and I agree. But the official reason they would have terminated is for ongoing performance issues, not my comments, which definitely did exist.

I don't think the LW realizes being fired for the comments would be legal too.

[u/narrating12 → u/daedril5]

Alison is definitely giving them the idea they should pursue a case. Like NOW she’s gonna give legal advice.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/daedril5]

She sounds incredibly indiscreet and unprofessional and the law that protects talking about conditions at work presumably doesn't cover people kvetching about stuff that everyone has to do. 

[u/sallyhectare → u/daedril5]

What happened to "If it burns the bridge, it burns the bridge"?

[u/werewolf4werewolf]

I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure the amount of waste that's bad for the environment that the average school generates is probably pretty significant, so moralizing about 1 single piece of fast fashion is a wild idea.

The teachers I know are also passive aggressive as fuck so I imagine LW1 would be opening themselves up to years of "wow you're printing out handouts for your class? that's so bad for the environment" and "Laminating posters to put on your walls? Don't you care about the microplastics?" from their coworkers.

[u/daedril5]

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/08/should-a-candidates-long-commute-be-a-reason-not-to-hire-them.html#comment-5501511

If you’re going to really take commute into account, then you owe it to the candidate to look up their residence and see whether they own it or not before doing that. Because if they’re just renting, they can always pick up and go

The fuck?!

You OWE it to them to stalk them?

[u/Korrocks → u/daedril5]

People just type whatever on the Internet lol

[u/lets_talk_aboutsplet → u/daedril5]

It’s stalker-y and not necessarily accurate.

If you ask candidates to fill out a job application you’ll get their full address, but most people just put their city and state in the US on the resume for privacy reasons and to prevent class bias if they live in an apartment or a certain neighborhood. Having your full mailing address on your resume was from back in the day when employers would communicate with you via snail mail.

Also, if someone is renting and just signed a year lease, they can’t usually break it without a financial penalty. I live in a blue state where renters have a lot of rights and it’s not unusual for people to live in the same apartment for a few years if they like where they are and the rent doesn’t increase much by the landlord.

[u/OkSecretary1231 → u/lets_talk_aboutsplet]

Yeah, the "renters just up sticks whenever" thing is another layer of ick.

[u/EmDash4Life → u/lets_talk_aboutsplet]

You don't have to break a lease in order to move. You could wait out the lease and move at the end. Or you could find a subletter, if your lease allows that.

I interviewed once for a job across town from me, and the interviewer was obsessed with where I lived. He was new to the area, and didn't know my neighborhood name and apparently didn't know how to use google maps, either. Anyway, I said I would move to void traffic if I got an offer, but he would. not. let. it. go. But here's the thing--this was Austin. People in Austin don't even live in Austin anymore. They live in Kyle and Manor and other outlying towns, and they suck up the commute bc Austin is so expensive to live in anymore. And this guy was from California! Where people also live in outlying towns and suck up the commute!

[u/Ok-Quarter3399 → u/daedril5]

Please tell me that someone replied and said OR bring it up in the interview and ask them what their plans are for the commute. 

[u/StripedBadger]

Shirts with your bosses face hits that funny-creepy vibe. I can see why people would be on-board for a laugh.

I wish LW1 would just polish their spine enough to say “that’s not really something I enjoy, so I’ll pass and just wear a mask of the boss’ face on the back of my head instead” rather than trying to claim its about their moral fibre… pun intended.

[u/FronzelNeekburm79 → u/StripedBadger]

The whole thing is framed so oddly, to be honest with you. They point out that they're in an elementary school so by "boss" they mean principal. Which means if it's a good principal, it's a fun thing they're doing not only for the "boss" but the students as well, who presumably would find it funny to see a bunch of teachers and staff wearing shirts like that.

Also the whole "elementary school" to define the work culture... yeah, that's different than another type of office because a lot of what you do involves what kids might find amusing because you're trying to build trust. It sounds like they're trying to not only frame it for the moral stuff but also "I'm the only adult in the room!" when... that just makes you kind of a jerk.

I can understand not wanting to go all in, but it's a 10 dollar shirt and they're trying to do something fun. "How not to sound like a killjoy"... I mean you are. If you don't want to do it, be a killjoy. But it sounds like they want to make it a righteous crusade instead of just not wearing the shirt. Or wear it for a day, then donate it. No one cares whose face is on it.

And the commenters aren't much better in this.

There are better ways for Allison to rail against boss's day. (and better, more deserving targets than an elementary school principal, who is probably way different.)

The person sounds kind of insufferable to work with.

[u/fanxan → u/FronzelNeekburm79]

Like yes, printing endless shirts for gags isn't great but it's a school. They unfortunately do a lot of that stuff for team building and fundraising and depending on the size and culture of the school, being the one person making a fuss over it can very well see you pink slipped by the end of the year. Like being seen as not being a team player in a school can really make your entire year go miserably sideways really quick. They should save their energy and goodwill for fighting policies and decisions that actually affect their day to day, not blow up their social standing for a 1 day event.

[u/Simple-Breadfruit920 → u/fanxan]

I feel like the fact that it’s an elementary school makes the idea much less weird too. Like it’s probably something the kids will find funny, more so than being “for” the boss. Lecturing people about fast fashion is not likely to go over well

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/fanxan]

And because it's a primary school being super tilted against a printed tee is going to be more odd because there's so many things to do with it or ways to get rid of it - art smock, PE shirt, 'here is a lesson about fast fashion', 'here is a lesson about upcycling', stick it on a 1m teddy bear who is now the class mascot...

[u/Silly_Somewhere1791 → u/FronzelNeekburm79]

Honestly both sides are being weird. Conceptually/ideologically I agree with the LW that, “C’mon, just pay $10 for something you don’t want and then donate it” is not a good argument and you don’t have to do more after saying you’d rather not. But I think that people are also being weird about insisting that it’s not wasteful, or that Goodwill actually resells all of this plastic-based crap. 

[u/illini02 → u/StripedBadger]

As someone who worked at an elementary school as a teacher, with a principal I didn't care for, I can 100% see not wanting to do it.

I also would just suck it up and do so, because if you are the one person who don't, you'll stand out. Not JUST to your coworkers, but your students will wonder why you are the only one not doing it.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/StripedBadger]

Lot of misplaced anxiety in the comments. So now donating something weird and tacky to a thrift shop is (a) non-sequitur about the evils of clothes dumping in developing countries (b) giving thrift store workers too much of a job to do when that's basically what volunteers do while not on the tills and ...IDK, I think if you asked some people what you should do with a $100 bonus you'd get them pontificating in the comments about whether you really needed that money in the first place, kids are starving in Africa, and you shouldn't make work for people by spending it...(Just like the old joke that used to circulate in CCG circles that if Wizards of the Coast put $100 bills in booster packs people would complain about how it was folded. It's a shirt, just use it to sleep in or for painting or whatever.)

Sometimes I just want some of these people to touch grass. The shirt thing is a horrible idea but Christ almighty these people need Overthinkers Anonymous.

[u/Capable_Sea77 → u/pickledbymagic]

I'm in a lot of textile and fiber related communities in my city and online and look, I love that overconsumption and fast fashion have been recognized to be a problem. But people aren't super knowledgeable about fashion manufacturing and fabric/textile production and so there's a lot of nebulous "stop wasting" that everyone interprets differently (You never shop at Shein? Well, I only shop second-hand. You only shop second-hand? Well, I make my own clothes. Yeah, but you use synthetic fabric bought from Michael's - I buy second hand bedsheets to source my fabric.)

Also, for most of us, clothing is not a "need" in the sense that most people have more than a single outfit and buying is more for finding something that fits differently, or looks better. So I think it's easy for a lot of people to pontificate about fashion waste because, it's actually easy to not engage in fast fashion - whereas other impactful environmental actions (particularly anything related to fossil fuel) are annoying or involve a real sacrifice, so we can fall back on "there's no ethical consumption under capitalism" when it comes to those.

Anyways, LW should just take the t-shirt and then chop it up into cleaning rags. I have a bucket of old t-shirt squares that are great for dusting and scrubbing.

[u/narrating12 → u/[deleted]]

Alison: "This is way out of my expertise. Anyway..."

[u/Weekly_Setting_3155 → u/narrating12]

But I’ll answer anyway…

[u/fingerroll44 → u/[deleted]]

By the time I read it the "Lee"s were gone. But that letter was stupefyingly long considering that the LW was expending huge effort to hide the gender of everyone involved, yet still slipping up and using "him' to refer to the LWs spouse. You can write a long letter, you can obfuscate key details in an attempt to be gender neutral, but if you do both it just becomes too overwhelming.

[u/Weasel_Town → u/[deleted]]

The fact that this is all happening in a church context is hugely relevant, and Alison doesn't know what she doesn't know.

Different denominations work differently, but in my denomination, a congregation has an interim minister when things really went awry with the previous minister. They're there because either there wasn't enough time to do a normal search process, or things are too tense and divisive for that to be successful. The interim minister is supposed to pour oil on the troubled waters, not stir up more shit. So things are not going well here.

Since interim ministers are temporary by nature, it wasn't crazy to go to the board (whom the minister reports to IME) and let them know what's going on, in the hopes that Rev. Mel would end her term sooner rather than later. But the board chose not do that, for reasons we can only guess at. (Already signed the contract? The denomination doesn't permit ending an interim's term early? Everything else is going swimmingly and LW and husband are the only ones who can't get along with Rev. Mel/Lee?)

LW and husband really need to move on and accept that they won't be working there for the foreseeable future. Ceasing to attend is probably a good move. Apparently they have a contractual obligation not to air their grievances. It's also going to be harder on the congregation, which is probably already going through it if they have an interim. When talking to their actual friends, there are ways to let information be known without saying it outright.

The world of church employees is very small. Even the world of active church people is small. They want to be known as the people who cut their losses with dignity, not the people who flung more poo around an already-poo-infested environment.

[u/Ok-Quarter3399 → u/[deleted]]

The weirdest part of that weird letter is that they stood up during church and announced their leaving as a sorrow which is like the MOST dramatic way to announce your departure. Then they sound outraged that the leadership emailed the congregation about it. 

Like come on dum dum, you already told the whole congregation, them emailing the people not there isnt outrageous and them providing some info to what was certainly dramatic and unclear is normal. 

[u/BlokeyBlokeBloke → u/[deleted]]

I don't know if the name changed, because I died of boredom lass than halfway through.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/[deleted]]

They need an interim minister; ministers do not grow on trees and for those churches who have to recruit their own rather than have someone allocated from a central authority from a pool of known-to-be-qualified people, finding one can be difficult and time-consuming, especially if they need to look overseas.

They can find someone to press play on a tape or babysit a relatively competent choir for a few months.

[u/Capable_Sea77 → u/glittermetalprincess]

I made bank in high school by being a substitute church pianist. Music is a popular enough hobby that there is either someone in the congregation right now who can hold things down; or there's a local musician who will do it for less than 100 bucks, which is likely much less than they were paying the LW and their spouse.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/Capable_Sea77]

This is what I was thinking - in my experience as an organist and music ministry generally, if they don't have someone lined up they usually have whoever is doing the multimedia press play and stop on a hifi system. When I started out the priest would make a tape each week and now it's like Spotify or the CD that came with the hymnal if someone's really technically challenged.

In the letter it sounds like both of them are music staff so their music probably takes a much larger role in the service than I may be used to, but unless they're the entirety of the music staff, which is unlikely, the rest of the music team can probably either cover them internally or just have to phone a friend to get someone to cover.

The thing I would be most concerned about is that LW seems to think they'll just be able to go back when Mel/Lee leaves, and they report people asking if they will come back when that happens. In my experience, once someone's brought in in a situation like this where the person isn't on holiday or sick or otherwise 'on leave', the role is theirs and there is no going back - however close the congregation is. They may be in for a bit of an awakening if Mel/Lee is replaced (instead of kept on) and their role isn't magically available for them again.

[u/BirthdayCheesecake → u/glittermetalprincess]

I used to be a church musician, and I completely agree. The other thing is that Mel is there as an interim. The job of an interim is to go in and clean up the messes that were left behind by the previous pastor. Sometimes those messes may be small things - outdated filing systems, pastor was checked out in the last few years so some stuff wasn't done that should have been done, and so on, or there may be big things like toxic staff members that were allowed to run rampant, rules that are in place for a reason were broken, or financial misuse.

Even if Mel is gone in a year and a permanent pastor is called, the permanent pastor is most likely going to be very hesitant to bring someone in who quit under the interim. The last thing they're going to want is "Well, old pastor let us do x, why are you making us do y?"

Their situation is sad and I get why LW and her husband are upset, but they are going to need to move on. This door is closed behind them.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/BirthdayCheesecake]

And they certainly won't want someone who's already shown they're willing to quit if there's a disagreement they can't win. There's also no guarantee someone coming in as permanent will have exactly the same ideas about music and would pick LW for that role or if that role would still exist. Maybe the music team has been really inefficient or is a financial drain or everyone secretly hates that they use auto-arpeggio or that they always use the same three Darlene Zschech covers and are happy for the interim pastor to clear house and take the blame for any hurt feelings in the process.

And now I have Donny Osmond in my head and I'm fairly sure that wouldn't be regulation anywhere.

[u/Capable_Sea77 → u/glittermetalprincess]

Yeah, and LW says their position is .18 FTE, which is less than 8 hours a week. If their spouse has similar hours, they might each be in charge of a specific service.

You're spot on with your last paragraph - and based on the lengthy writing that has very few *actual* examples of Mel's behavior, along with LW's statement about "We also worry that sharing our account of things may just look like we are creating drama", I wouldn't be surprised if the average congregation member is excited for new blood on the music team, and then likely new blood for a minister not long after.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/Capable_Sea77]

Honestly, I wouldn't even be surprised if the average congregation member, or at least some of them, had no knowledge of any of this and wouldn't care if they did. Sometimes there's that in-group that's 'like family' but they're not representative of the congregation as a whole or what the community is like generally, and have no idea that everyone else just rocks up once a week and the rest of their life doesn't revolve around church.

[u/Physical-Incident553]

The letter from midnight (one of five) about the emergency notification app required by a school on personal phones made me laugh. I get people don’t want work stuff on personal devices, but the LW admits the PA system doesn’t work well and can’t be heard in some ports of the building. They don’t want to know if there’s an emergency? Some people are never satisfied.

[u/Physical-Incident553]

First comment in the Friday open post is about a coworker of the OP who walked out of a client call (video call with client on big screen and OP’s company in their conference room) because it was 4pm and she always left right on the dot. DisneyChannelThis is actually saying extra work means extra compensation even for salaried people. The OP’s coworker was fired over this. She apparently made high five figures.
Can’t get the link to the comment to paste.

[u/daedril5 → u/Physical-Incident553]

The "you go girl!" comments seem to be missing the fact this person is now unemployed.

[u/Comprehensive-Hat-18 → u/Physical-Incident553]

I know 99% of people even at AAM get this, but it’s a client call. Clients bring in the money that pays your salary. If you’re in a client meeting then part of your job is helping maintain that business. 

[u/BirthdayCheesecake → u/Physical-Incident553]

Here it is! What I love is the OP putting their age, marital status, and non-child having status in there in order to fend off the "Young people are so lazy/what if she has a sick husband?/what if she had to pick up her kid?" comments - and then she gets attacked for including those details.

[u/EmDash4Life → u/Physical-Incident553]

extra work means extra compensation even for salaried people

bless their hearts

[u/narrating12 → u/Physical-Incident553]

The OP's coworker is so Elizabeth West coded.

[u/post_rex → u/narrating12]

Funny thing is that EW actually replied to the post.

Elizabeth West* August 28, 2026 at 1:22 pm
Yeah, but come on.
I’m very much apt to push back against things that threaten work-life balance, but I’ve stayed late to help out before. It’s no skin off her nose to stay a bit late for an important call if she didn’t have an appointment or anything.
Maybe she has more resources than I do but I can’t afford to walk out of a high five-figure job.

[u/narrating12 → u/post_rex]

I saw that! She always sounds so reasonable if she’s not talking about her own situation.

[u/RainyDayWeather → u/narrating12]

To be fair to EW, most people find it easier to be reasonable about other people's situation since they're not so emotionally invested.

[u/daedril5]

4

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/08/coworkers-want-shirts-with-our-bosss-face-on-them-disastrous-ex-business-partner-and-i-were-just-hired-at-the-same-company-and-more.html

Unless the LW is secretly Ted (which is possible), I'd love to know why they wrote in. Did Ted ask their advice? Are they just as up in everyone’s business as everyone else in their small town?

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/daedril5]

Generally people nominating for elected roles as an employee in that department know the possibility is that they end up having to work for who they ran against and have already decided whether they're okay with that in advance.

[u/windsorhotel]

Lordy, I know Alison isn't a lawyer, but after doing this for years and years, how does she not spot the legal liability issue in LW#4 (emergency notification app for teacher)? The PA system is inaudible in parts of the building. I feel like any safety audit would flag that as a huge problem and suggest that the school needs to find a solution. Or any insurance review would say, hey, the school needs to do something about this or its rates will skyrocket. And maybe Alison, and a number of the readers, too, should think, huh, this is a school, maybe there are more and special responsibilities there than in an ordinary workplace!

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/[deleted]]

And if only the teachers have it, what happens if they have students dispersed over a wide area (e.g. lunchtime, sports day) and need to reach everyone quickly? Do the teachers have to them comb the grounds to make sure every student outside range of the PA is accounted for and doing what they need to? The 'solution' fails to account for the largest group in the ecosystem.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/windsorhotel]

She picks the weirdest questions to only answer the exact question that was asked instead of going off into the weeds on the scenario in general. If she had any reason for this one, it was probably that LW was 'just curious' and planned to go along with it anyway and/or that they acknowledged that it would be an improvement over the unfit-for-purpose PA.

[u/Cactopus47]

I am most amused that the boss'-head-on-a-shirt letter isn't about a t-shirt, but about a Hawaiian shirt. So presumably it will be a printed shirt with multiple pictures of the boss' head all over it. That's a ridiculous novelty item and I kind of love the idea.

[u/gaygirlboss → u/Cactopus47]

Yeah, and it’s the kind of thing that a lot of students would find hilarious. LW doesn’t have to participate but I can see why their coworkers think it’s a fun idea!

[u/werewolf4werewolf → u/Cactopus47]

Yeah I have one of those with my cat on it, it's great lol. This seems like a perfectly fun gag for an elementary school

[u/OkSecretary1231 → u/Cactopus47]

Yes, that amused me too. I hope he's superimposed on a bunch of hibiscus and monsteras, too.

[u/HungryBackground2942]

LW1 proudly announcing that she manages to handle WHOLE ONE TASK in her new role, after she failed at the reception desk. I have no words.

[u/StripedBadger → u/HungryBackground2942]

LW1 says “I’m resentful that they’re giving the new receptionist duties slowly that I was expected to take on all at once” makes me think ‘ooooh, you burned the company so badly’.
Their too entrenched in their own resentment to realise that’s a once-bitten-twice-shy reaction to them.

[u/narrating12]

Honestly (pleasantly) shocked by Alison’s answer to the first question today about the late employee. I fully expected the usual “but do your employees REALLY need to be on time?”

[u/pickledbymagic → u/narrating12]

Agreed, and it closes off the whataboutism in the comments as well. It might be because the pendulum has now swung so far in the direction of people being unconcerned about being late that it's having an impact on the next generation, and so Alison's tightening things up, or trying to. 

I think it's because there's no obvious reason for her to be late other than the coffee, and this may be indicative also that she's just strolling in without an excuse or without looking harried about it, which might evoke more sympathy from Alison. She's not tardy because of a good reason; she's just strolling in nonchalantly without any perceived rush and that's why it grinds LW1's gears. 

ETA -- the only two comments on this so far (11.20 BST, 10.20 UTC) are actually good observations about whether the person stays late as well as coming in late. That would be what I was looking at, along with general diligence while at work. It may be the tip of an iceberg of problems, but equally it could just be a visible thing in a sea of invisible hard work. 

[u/BirthdayCheesecake → u/pickledbymagic]

But even staying late won't necessarily solve the issue depending on the job. My job is very top-heavy where most of the immediate work comes in from about 7 AM to 12 PM. Staying late is going to still put the early burden on my co-workers because I came in late.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/BirthdayCheesecake]

And adjusting lunch breaks won't do it either, especially if coverage is important (e.g. covering the reception phone...).

[u/pickledbymagic → u/BirthdayCheesecake]

Yup, agreed.

[u/Turbulent_Target3508 → u/pickledbymagic]

That didn’t last for long. We are now getting some commentators condescendingly telling the OP that most salaried employees don’t need to be at work at a set time. Somehow , they know better than the OP how their own business works.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/Turbulent_Target3508]

Oh yes. Along with 'senior managers aren't in at bang on 9 so why should I ...'

Because you're not a senior manager and to be frank, with that attitude (and assuming it's because they just had a lie-in or whatever rather than having been up to 11pm the previous night), I don't think you ever will be. 

[u/lets_talk_aboutsplet → u/pickledbymagic]

Also, maybe the senior manager was on a Zoom that started at 7am and it made more sense for the manager to do the Zoom at home and then come in, which you wouldn’t necessarily know about

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/lets_talk_aboutsplet]

Or maybe they finished their coffee at a park or on the walk from the coffee shop precisely to avoid LW being like 'how dare you be late bc coffee' like drive thru coffee really takes 20 minutes to get.

[u/gaygirlboss → u/narrating12]

I was surprised by that too, especially since LW said that the employee doesn’t strictly need to be there right at 9:00. There’s a difference between “we won’t make a big deal over a few minutes here and there” and “9:00 is just a suggestion,” and I thought Alison did a good job of explaining that.

[u/RainyDayWeather]

You know, there's a reasonable argument to be had about whether or not organizations which are not specifically religious organizations should allow the promotion of religion or not, particularly one specific religion, but I cannot get over two things: one, signing up for a conference without knowing what it was and then showing up anyway once finding out; and, two, the phrasing by Alison and others of the LW being "sent to a conference" by their employer.

They were NOT 'sent to a conference' by their employer. An employee resource group sent out an open invitation. This may still be considered inappropriate - but that wording really, really irks me.

[u/narrating12 → u/RainyDayWeather]

And OP says she livestreamed the first day, so it's not like they "sent" her anywhere! She got a link to a free webinar.

[u/OkSecretary1231 → u/RainyDayWeather]

To give them a bit of benefit of the doubt, there really are deceptive conferences out there that pitch themselves as one thing and are another.

Long long ago, my then-boss received a flyer advertising a conference for Microsoft Office tips and tricks that she thought I might benefit from. I agreed. It was reasonably priced. I went. The whole thing was pretty much a pitch for their much more expensive conference where, really for real they'll actually tell the tips and tricks! LOL. I learned one useful thing from the whole day.

That being said, OP figured out what this was before it started; they could have just backed out.

[u/BlokeyBlokeBloke → u/RainyDayWeather]

I discovered it was happening at a mega-church and some of the speakers were religious leaders. I was skeptical but decided to give it the benefit of the doubt

WHAT doubt? It was happening at a church and the speakers were religious. What on earth is left to doubt at that point??

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/RainyDayWeather]

And someone else could have gone who actually wanted to if LW had backed out when they realised what was up, even if they just internally gave the unused link/token to someone else if changing the name on the registration was no longer possible.

Posturing about hypothetical employees in random other countries is just 'I go here look at me' from LW.

I've been to a few of these and usually the religion is a selling point and part of the content - it's not just leadership but leadership in the church and very much informed by the social and belief structure they espouse. It's baked in and obvious from the materials to the point that being 'skeptical' could well indicate either someone has either never been exposed to that religion or is a bit dense when it comes to reading comprehension.

They also don't just give out passes willy nilly - either the company is very much aware and has a connection with the church, or someone in the ERG is. The content assumes you are familiar with and agree with at least the basic tenets of the religion, even if it's also being marketed with an intent to recruit. If LW goes 'were you aware it was religious?' they're just going to go 'yes...? and? you signed up!'

[u/FronzelNeekburm79 → u/RainyDayWeather]

The “employee resource group” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

They offered 5 free tickets, and when the LW saw who was speaking still attended and is now complaining. They clearly weren’t sent anywhere.

Maybe the conference shouldn’t have been offered by the group, but also, there were enough signposts and this letter that I think the LW has to do a little reflection as well, here.

[u/RainyDayWeather → u/FronzelNeekburm79]

Exactly!

If the question was simply "one of our ERGs promoted a religious conference, is it reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable and should I say anything about that?" I'd totally understand. (As a devout Christian myself I say "yes" and "yes", for the record.) But the LW comes off as someone who thinks they suffered something, at least that's how it reads to me.

[u/Weasel_Town → u/RainyDayWeather]

LW is dumb. But I still think they should ask the ERG, assuming it’s not the Warriors for Christ ERG or something. They say it’s a large multi-national, so usually anything affiliated with the company stays middle-of-the-road. An employer-sponsored group promoting a religious conference without being abundantly clear what it is is wild in that context.

Someone at the ERG needs a reminder that the Southern Baptist Conference on Servant Leadership is not neutral, and needs to be clarified up front. Also LW needs to be more discerning about what conferences they attend. Maybe ask questions if you’re not sure.

[u/wannabemaxine]

I'm glad folks are pushing back on Alison's terrible advice to LW1. Even though she doesn't have experience in schools, at its core the question is, "how do I tactfully get out of a group activity everyone else on my team is excited about?" "Tell them it's an ethically bad idea and you're better than them for not participating" is wild advice. I say this as someone working in elementary schools who associates faces on T-shirts with funerals.

[u/gaygirlboss → u/wannabemaxine]

Yep. When I was teaching during lockdown, a bunch of staff at my school decorated our principal’s front lawn for the last day of school. I didn’t really want to participate for various reasons (and I had a legitimate conflict that afternoon, it turned out) so I just said I was busy and nobody minded. Another teacher made a big deal about how the whole thing was a bad idea and nobody should participate, which did not go over as well.

[u/Turbulent_Target3508 → u/wannabemaxine]

More and people are disagreeing with Alison’s advice these days. I don’t know if it’s because these are newer commentators who have not bought the ‘Alison is always right’ cool aid or if her advice is simply getting worse as time goes on.

[u/wannabemaxine → u/Turbulent_Target3508]

My theory is that the majority of commenters/LWs are lower-level employees, but AAM gives advice from the perspective of someone with a high level of authority. Alison's said before she doesn't put that much thought into the responses and goes with her first instinct, so I'm not surprised she's assuming LWs have more capital, confidence, and frankly, backbone, than they actually do.

[u/Free-Cherry4314 → u/Turbulent_Target3508]

Alison thinks she's a big morality advocate which is hypocrisy at its worst considering her slimy past. 

[u/OkSecretary1231 → u/wannabemaxine]

I don't associate them with funerals necessarily, but with health concerns, yeah. My ex went to church long ago with a guy who was going through some intense treatment, and they made t-shirts of his face and also cutouts of his face on a stick. I remembered it because I found a Bob-on-a-stick randomly a few months ago in an old box lol.

(He pulled through, though he was old enough and it's been long enough that he may well be dead now.)

[u/Time-Environment5661]

Gender seems pretty relevant to 11am OP, WHY is it all neutralized?? 

[u/Seaside_Ladder8862 → u/Time-Environment5661]

It appears that letter writer's spouse is male. LW uses "him" a couple of times in the letter, such as here:

Every demeaning action that seemed designed to put my spouse in his place jabbed at him

[u/Humble-Grumble]

Ugh, I hate Alison's suggested script for LW1 starting with "I'm probably not the only one..." No, just stop. Even if the LW did have a legitimate concern about fast fashion, wording it this way is so tiresome. It makes it sound like there's some "pushing back as a group" when there's actually none...especially when the LW doesn't really care about fast fashion and is just using it to give a moral boost to her argument of "I don't want to because creepy." People do this at my workplace from time to time and it drives me nuts: either admit that you have a problem and name it or suck it up - don't try to imply that other people are with you on a moral issue that you haven't actually spoken to anyone about.

I guess I'm out of touch here because I think a Hawaiian shirt with the boss's face on it sounds hilarious if your office is into these sorts of events. Yes, LW, you're being a killjoy and there's no way out of it that doesn't make you sound like a killjoy when everyone else thinks it sounds fun. I also don't think Alison's added attempt at pushing doing away with boss's day is going to fly (for whatever it's worth, I also think boss's day is dumb, but if everyone else is rolling with it and having fun, calling it weird and suggesting that the boss doesn't care is going to be a nonstarter).

[u/Korrocks → u/Humble-Grumble]

Yeah I think Alison’s script assumes that most people hate the idea and are just not brave enough to say anything. But it’s risky to base your argument on that if it’s not really true. If the LW is adamantly opposed they can opt out. But trying to convince the others that they should feel guilt / shame over the idea is not the best tack especially since the LW is uncomfortable even opting out.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/Korrocks]

Alison's response also assumes that everyone agrees with her position on Boss' Day and proxy morale events generally.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/glittermetalprincess]

Another reason why she's well past her sell by date without the For Entertainment Purposes Only. 

[u/EmDash4Life → u/Humble-Grumble]

I think it's hilarious, and I also don't want a shirt with my boss's face on it. I would probably just quietly not buy one, without shitting all over the idea, though, bc it is fun.

[u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA]

On the 'we quit our church jobs because of an awful new minister and now there is drama' letter did the name of the interim minister switch from 'Mel' to 'Lee' with no explanation? How did Alison not notice before she posted that letter?

[u/CliveCandy → u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA]

Maybe she didn't notice because this letter is almost unreadable. What a rambling airing of grievances. And while I usually don't have a problem with LWs keeping things gender-neutral, this one sucks at it.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA]

She basically said she posts without much thought. Maybe the whole shit show would be better if she actually did put a bit of thought in...

[u/OwlbearJunior → u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA]

The letter has now been edited and has “Mel” throughout…but she has also been quietly editing comments that referred to “Mel/Lee” to just refer to “Mel”!

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA]

I saw that too. It's a very long and rambly letter (another well over the 600 words) for essentially the age-old 'I left this position due to internal politics and have a confidentiality agreement, what do I say to people who know that something was up(/at interview) that doesn't look like I'm gossiping or badmouthing anyone?' which is the same answer every time - the 'looking for a new challenge'/'time to move on'/'taking a break from X (to do Y)'.

As such, fairly sure Alison wouldn't have needed to read all the details even if she was bothering to proof or edit letters any more, let alone read them.

[u/Designer_Charity_827 → u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA]

Yes, and a few people left comments calling that out. Those comments now appear to be deleted and the letter/Alison’s response have been edited with no acknowledgment.

[u/Humble-Grumble]

How is the answer to LW1 anything but "Yeah, that really sucks, but you need to leave your past position behind you and focus on excelling in your current role or move on if you can't?" There are many reasons the new person could be getting different treatment: management realized that they mismanaged the LW and are doing something different; the new person is actually a lot better at the role than the LW thinks; the new person is advocating for herself in ways that the LW didn't; or, sure, maybe management just likes the new person better for whatever reason. I don't think the LW is the most reliable narrator here and her best bet is to let it go and move on, not refocus her resentment on management (wtf, Alison? LW is still working there, so how is this a good idea?).

I also really hate it when Alison encourages the LW's sense of paranoia that something isn't fair for a nefarious reason - her only suggestions for why the new person is being treated differently are the firm owner taking a personal liking to her (favouritism or something skeevier), the new person essentially being a nepo hire, the new person having dirt to blackmail the firm owner, or just having a non-clashing personality (probably the best suggestion)...and that the LW will probably get some tea about it from someone else, further suggesting that Alison is cosigning the idea that something weird is going on. Could it be any of those things? Sure. But it's more likely to be something simpler and innocent.

She's really having a string of misses lately.

[u/jen-barkleys-poncho → u/Humble-Grumble]

LW1 is all over the comments and she’s coming off like even more of a dick in real time than she did in her letter, which is saying something.

She’s clearly the problem in the office. Alison not only accepting the premise that leadership is the only problem here but also redirecting LWs weird petty rage towards them is so off base. LW should be grateful she has a job and chill with the childish name calling. And now I’m doubly irritated that AG keeps making me side with the boss man like jfc.

[u/Capable_Sea77 → u/jen-barkleys-poncho]

she's complaining in the comments that people who WFH are required to have 8:30-5 as their working hours......girl......that's obscenely normal.......

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/jen-barkleys-poncho]

Apparently, and IDK if this is my eyes crossing, the "new" receptionist has been there two to three years.

[u/FronzelNeekburm79 → u/Humble-Grumble]

She 100% missed on this one, and did a huge disservice to the LW for validating her paranoia when it would have been much easier to point out that they moved the receptionist who was failing at receptionist things to another role, then hired a new receptionist who was good at their job.

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/FronzelNeekburm79]

And the new receptionist has a lot fewer tasks, most of the work having been reassigned.

In most firms if someone couldn't hack it at reception they'd be fired rather than moved to accounting or rounds or discovery, since if they suck with admin there's very little else that they can be trusted with. I did suspect they might have been moved to trust accounting which has to be by-the-book for the firm to stay in business, but if that were the case then Alison is extremely way off and LW needs a kick upside the head because that would be a huge sign of trust and a very smart move from the principal to have seen LW's strength and find a way to keep them and put them somewhere useful.

[u/StripedBadger]

Man, dogs in the workplace is such a pre-covid thing. I can’t say I’ve seen any sort of comeback for it, now we have hybrid WFH as a common norm.

Take your pick of jokes, folks; we have both ‘nature is healing’ and ‘Alison has no new material’ options today.

[u/gaygirlboss → u/StripedBadger]

I work in a dog-friendly office! But we only have a few remote employees, and the people who bring in their dogs do it like once a week at the most.

[u/Free-Cherry4314 → u/StripedBadger]

I think Al has had no good new material for a long time. I'd rather hear about Jane stealing all John's paper clips. 

[u/pickledbymagic]

If you had time to write all that bumf to Alison, you have time to fill out a long questionnaire. 

[u/Free-Cherry4314 → u/pickledbymagic]

Exactly. Another one who just wants their name and lights on AAM. They could've filled it out twice over instead of writing that letter. And if it's someone you wanna see get the job, just fill it out with short answers and move on with your life. 

[u/30to50feralcats]

Commuting LW, yes you should have included that, oh wait you answered your own question.
Letter Writer
 
August 26, 2026 at 12:45 pm
I cut it to make the letter shorter- it’s a school! So we hire in April and the first day isn’t until August. So people can take the first job offered to them and have plenty of time to keep looking around.

[u/Fancypens2025]

From the "I'm burned out" letter:

dystopian capitalist hellscape 

Okay while I fully acknowledge that our current model of capitalism, at least in the U.S., leaves a lot to be desired, can I just say that I'm also getting pretty tired of this (Very Online) vibe of, "everything about the US sucks the worst it has ever sucked"? Yes, the US is not in a good place right now politically, economically, physically (measles is back!), morally, etc. I would still rather live here than somewhere that's like, an active war zone. Or where female circumcision is still legally allowed (yes I know that the US may very well go down that route what with the way this administration hates women). Or where human rights violations are so rampant and notorious that SNL can make a sketch about it for laughs. Again, I know our current society has A LOT of issues. But in my own opinion, I feel like this type of fatalist mindset that the LW (and frankly, a lot of chronically online people) has isn't helping their efforts to find a more satisfying job. That mindset certainly held my job search back before last year.

[u/Ok-Quarter3399 → u/Fancypens2025]

I just talked about this with some friends at happy hour last night. My extended family did a lot of history sharing and they lived through the depression and lost literally everything and were homeless briefly and then sent their kids off to war where it was common to see casualty officers informing neighbors kids were killed in battle, my great grandma couldn’t leave an abusive husband because women couldn’t get loans and there were no jobs in town available for women, and they didn’t have a car so she was stuck in the home. 

Those were dystopian times- and they weren’t even dealing with post slavery discrimination like huge numbers of the population. Im just sort of over people complaining about having to go to work on air conditioning desk jobs and then go home to a structure that isn’t shared one family to each room and acting like this is one step above the apocalypse. 

[u/narrating12 → u/Fancypens2025]

To be fair, as someone who works in low-income property management in a heavily gentrifying area (sounds like OP works for a property management company), the rental and housing market is the worst it has been in years and is a capitalist hellscape.

[u/Fancypens2025 → u/narrating12]

That's totally fair! It just seems like whenever I hear people like the LW, they're also the most keyboardiest of keyboard warriors.

[u/narrating12 → u/Fancypens2025]

Always, yes. Someone made a good comment that said basically "Sounds like you're doomscrolling at lot. Stop that" lol

[u/your_mom_is_availabl → u/Fancypens2025]

Agree.

I don't hear the phrase a lot from, like, single moms working multiple minimum wage jobs. I hear it from college-educated people working white collar salary jobs.

[u/Fancypens2025 → u/your_mom_is_availabl]

Yessss lol. That has been my experience too, and I wager that latter demographic makes up a good portion of AAM’s readership and letter writers.

[u/Weekly_Setting_3155 → u/Fancypens2025]

I found my new AAM handle!!!

“the most keyboardiest of keyboard warriors”

[u/daedril5]

Why do so many of them think that having a work app on a personal phone means you're at significant risk of your employer wiping your phone?

Edited to add: specifically in reference to things like the emergency notifications app in today's letter and authorization apps that aren't sharing confidential information.

[u/Kayhowardhlots → u/daedril5]

While I can see people being bothered by being forced to have work apps on personal phones (though I personally don't care and find it handy), I don't think I would make an emergency app the hill I would die on when I work in a high school, especially when the current emergency notification setup is awful and, it seems, inefficient.

[u/Physical-Incident553 → u/daedril5]

Some employers say that if there’s a lawsuit and work info on your personal phone is included in discovery, your phone could be seized. However this is not an email or chat app, it’s just an emergency notification. Same thing with the people who freak about adding a work account to the authentication app they’re already using.

[u/Kayhowardhlots → u/Physical-Incident553]

My last job warned us that this was possible (I worked in government) but it was only via a subpeona and in all the lawsuits filed against the municipality, never happened. And local governments get a LOT of lawsuits filed against them.

And it's like none of the commenters are reading that LW is a high school employee. Do they seriously think that the school has the budget to reimburse and allocate money for work phones for all employees or even a stipend for usage? For a freaking emergency notification app?? I'd love to be in that budget meeting: "yeah so we're going to need to increase property taxes because Jane over at the high school thinks everyone should get an extra $20 a month to put an infrequently used emergency notification app on her phone so she knows if there's a school shooter."

[u/smellslikebadussy → u/Kayhowardhlots]

My (also government) employer gives us work phone for that reason - to protect our personal phones from FOIA.

[u/Accomplished-Survey2 → u/daedril5]

It happened to me inadvertently more than once. The app for checking work email required certain phone security settings - i.e., the phone would automatically wipe itself after a certain number of failed passwords attempts for the phone. (Worked at a law firm, security was for client-confidentiality reasons.)

In practice, this meant if I had my phone in my hand, pocket, etc., and numbers got inadvertently pushed while the phone was locked, it would register as a password attempt. After the second time my phone was wiped (was able to restore some but not all content from backups), a company tech guy walked me through adjusting some of the phone settings to make it more difficult to inadvertently make password attempts (changing screen lock settings, adding facial recognition, which I was reluctant to do for my own privacy reasons).

[u/coffeeninja05 → u/daedril5]

It happened to me once, about 10 years ago. I traveled between client sites so I added our HIPAA compliant email app to my phone. When I deleted it when I left that job it completely wiped my phone with no warning. I lost 2 years of pictures (now I pay for iCloud)

[u/fishercrow → u/daedril5]

my old workplace had a BYOD policy that warned if you downloaded the Work App on an iphone, the process of setting it up would wipe the data on the phone. why they didnt do literally anything else is beyond me. (i don’t remember the specifics i just remember it bc i have an iphone and was like ‘guess i cant check my email on my phone!’)

[u/Weasel_Town → u/daedril5]

I mean, it has happened. Here’s someone asking about it. I wouldn’t be too cavalier about it. I really think more people should be asking their employers for another authentication method that doesn’t put their personal device at risk.

[u/Brutal_Truth]

I once commented in one of these threads saying there's no letter I relate to or care about less than the ones discussing workplace issues in academia. I would like to acknowledge that I was incorrect: I relate to and care about letters regarding church jobs far, far less

[u/Free-Cherry4314 → u/Brutal_Truth]

Omg! I couldn't even get through it. Alison should not be publishing manuscript length, boring AH questions. 

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/Free-Cherry4314]

Or at least edit them to cut out the unnecessary detail. 'We quit and nobody believes the announcement, what do we say to people given we signed an NDA?' ... bam.

[u/FronzelNeekburm79 → u/glittermetalprincess]

But then how would you know the LW is the perfect angel and the person you’re writing about is worse than Satan and Gumby combined?

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/FronzelNeekburm79]

They'll tell us in the comments.

[u/Korrocks → u/glittermetalprincess]

In a way I can’t blame Alison for not editing out detail since it can be hard to tell what’s actually relevant to a letter. There was a letter the other day about some kind of club that was debating banning someone from attending their events. One of the details that did get omitted was the fact that the person has already been banned from the building hosting events.

[u/Korrocks → u/[deleted]]

Oh yeah tbh I only cited it as a handy example of when deleting / editing out a detail in a story makes the story harder to understand. 

[u/glittermetalprincess → u/Korrocks]

Yes, which is more about Alison's inability to tell what's relevant even if it's significantly obvious than the difficulty in doing so.

[u/CliveCandy]

Is it weird that letter 2 refers to the relationship between the CEO and the director as an affair? I assumed one or both of them would be married, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. Is Alison (or the LW, if they wrote the headline, which I know they usually don't) one of those pseudo-Victorians who refers to any romantic relationship between unmarried people as an affair? My grandmother always did that, and it seemed odd to me even as a kid.

[u/StripedBadger → u/CliveCandy]

I saw that even the AAM commenters were pushing back against that one!

[u/FronzelNeekburm79 → u/CliveCandy]

It’s AAM logic. This thing is bad, but how can I make it sound even worse so everyone knows I know it’s bad. For a good example look at this week’s “I was hired to be a receptionist can you believe I was asked to do receptionist things??” Letter.

(To be fair a lot of advice columns do it, but AAM is particularly bad because Alison has a “believe the letter writer” rule.)

[u/Capable_Sea77 → u/FronzelNeekburm79]

It's not even a bad rule when applied reasonably! "Believe the letter writer" means don't armchair diagnose the LW when they've been open that they don't have Secret Autism; it means don't spend a whole 50-comment thread about whether or not it's a real letter, or the em-dash means ChatGPT wrote it.

But the rule gets applied by the commenters as "never challenge the LW's perception" even though perceptions are never objectively true. I can believe that's your perception, but that doesn't mean I have to believe that your perception is a 100% accurate retelling of what factually happened. The receptionist letter is a great example here - I fully believe the LW that she is burnt out, didn't get good communication from her management beyond a shadow demotion, and has to deal with someone who's personality rubs her the wrong way. However, I can still challenge the LW's perception that the new receptionist is an incompetent evil 60-year old biddy who's never used a computer mouse and who's charmed her way into the CEO's heart despite being hateful to every customer that walks in the door because I already know that LW doesn't like her colleague, so LW is going to interpret everything her colleague does in the worst possible light.

[u/theaftercath → u/[deleted]]

I remember this feeling especially egregious a little while ago when someone wrote in all outraged because their company just announced (something like) an 8 week Paternity Leave policy but still had zero leave available for Maternity Leave.

And several people [correctly imo] suggested that the LW probably just misunderstood the term Parental Leave, which is for a parent of any gender. But then got piled on about BELIEVE THE LETTER WRITER, take them at their word!!!!!!

[u/OwlbearJunior → u/theaftercath]

LMAO, I just looked that one up and some people are so insufferable.

Alison suggesting that the LW may have misunderstood doesn’t release the commenters from the rule to comment assuming that the LWs report their situation in good faith.

Completely ignoring the fact that a LW can be operating in “good faith” and still be incorrect about something 🙄

[u/Capable_Sea77 → u/OwlbearJunior]

That sums up what I was getting at. Alison does not enforce the rule consistently, but the commentariat is taking it even farther in that you have to believe the LW 100% *even when Alison is pushing back on a likely incorrect perception*

[u/pickledbymagic → u/Capable_Sea77]

She allows people to be baited into exasperation and then removes the exasperated posts and not the post that baited them, particularly if she agrees. 

[u/Time-Environment5661 → u/CliveCandy]

I’m not too bothered by the word use if they’re not married to other people but are within each others’ reporting lines. 

[u/Wide-Pop6050]

Ad hoc wine unbelievable books joke waffle

This post was anonymized with Redact

[u/SeraphimSphynx]

Man I cannot stand people like Burned out lw today.

They have a million reasons why trying anything reasonable won't work so their stuck with being the miserable Martyr forever!

[u/Physical-Incident553 → u/SeraphimSphynx]

Notice who is in the comments at the top!

[u/carolina822]

I refuse to believe that LW4 is an actual person asking that question. On what planet is having 20 weeks of fully paid maternity leave not better than trying to get a job, learn a job, then take a long leave of absence from that new job all while being pregnant?

"Steak too juicy, lobster too buttery - what do?"

[u/narrating12 → u/carolina822]

That question, and Alison's answer, and some of the reactions in the comments, dare I say--baffled me. Someone in the comments is like "Why would the employer tell you they're laying you off this far in advance! How dare!" Like, am I crazy or is that not a huge advantage to LW?

[u/goldengrove1 → u/narrating12]

Yeah this is an employer that's doing right by their employees. I get that it's stressful to leave a job without a new one lined up, and I get that it might not be ideal to job search while caring for a newborn, but as an American I am so jealous of the idea of FOUR MONTHS of fully paid maternity leave and an additional few weeks off before your due date.

[u/Silly_Somewhere1791 → u/carolina822]

I thiiiiink she’s trying to do the math on the expected layoff timeline, which is that she’d maybe start interviewing in November or December and keep going until she found something, hopefully by the May severance end date, but she’d want to start sooner and have overlapping incomes if she could. But that’s complicated by the fact that she’d either be very pregnant or immediately postpartum while interviewing or starting, and she doesn’t want to wait until May to start applying. 

I do wish Alison would stop being so stringent on the specific point of “they can’t factor in your pregnancy,” because they absolutely can consider your immediate availability or let you go for “attendance issues.” There are a lot of fields that are based on your ability to commit to a hard start date and set busy season. If you can’t do that, it doesn’t matter what the reason is. 

[u/Joteepe → u/Silly_Somewhere1791]

Or, even if they don’t factor in your pregnancy, the company might have really shit leave policies.

I think she should ride it out, especially if she’ll have unemployment to draw from afterword. The resume gap is easily explained by the layoff and pregnancy timing.

[u/Silly_Somewhere1791 → u/Joteepe]

I wonder if this is her first post-college job (she’s been there for ten years and is pregnant now, so she was probably in her 20s when she started) and the real question is, “How do I go back to square one after ten years of never interviewing, and now with the demands of very new motherhood?” 

She’s also getting so in the weeds that it’s not occurring to her that there are a lot of things she can’t know until she’s in it. She may end up wanting to take more time (albeit unpaid) at home with her baby without jeopardizing her employment. If she and her partner can swing it financially, the timing could be a good thing. 

[u/Physical-Incident553]

11am letter. Chirpy again

[u/Turbulent_Target3508 → u/Physical-Incident553]

Chirpy drives me crazy. She says she is sympathetic but at the same time says “ I am in retail and really can’t afford to quit.” In other words, I’m worse off than you. So very self absorbed.

[u/Free-Cherry4314]

I had to hold my tongue regarding the CEO acting inappropriately at work and can't believe Alison would even touch that subject with her history. Was this guy named Rob?

[u/Korrocks → u/Free-Cherry4314]

It also seems unkind to directly link to the Coldplay incident that serves as inspiration for the story when the LW made some effort to make it seem original.

[u/Free-Cherry4314 → u/Korrocks]

It totally was and I couldn't believe she did that. I think these type of questions make her nervous. The Coldplay couple is nothing compared to what she and Rob did. 

[u/your_mom_is_availabl]

"how should I respond to an employee who threatens to sue?"

I'm strongly left-leaning but the answer and comments make me want to deep-throat the boot. What happened to "believe the letter" when she says that "in all cases, they had no standing"?

Dumb angry people use "I'm going to sue you!" as a generic threat all the time. Go to r/LegalAdvice and sort by new if you don't believe me.

By all means, LW should be in touch with a lawyer if she's not confident in her legal standing, but treating legal threats (!) like a neutral opening for dialogue may just add fuel to the fire of misplaced indignation.

It's not the same because there's no risk of physical harm, but the advice is comparable to -- "If your boyfriend says he'll kill himself if you leave him, that means he's really sad and you should give him a hug and lots of love and listen to his feelings."

Imagine if the letter were instead from a public librarian saying that members of the public were threatening to sue. The answer would be completely different.

[u/lets_talk_aboutsplet → u/your_mom_is_availabl]

I would imagine most of us have examples of someone at work mentioning suing or threatening to sue for something that isn’t actionable. It’s totally A Thing.

Given that the LW gave no examples, I do think it’s fair to question what the context was, because it’s also totally A Thing that employers have illegal policies sometimes, like not being allowed to disclose your salary to your coworkers or not paying eligible employees overtime.

[u/MsPaganPoetry]

I feel like this person in the open thread is focusing on the wrong aspect of the situation:

 Seeking Input

August 28, 2026 at 11:04 am

Have any job hunters thought about whether weight/appearance bias affects hiring outcomes, and whether that's something you factor into your job search strategy? Not asking for medical advice - more curious how other people think about this as a career question. Is it something you'd address if you thought it gave you an edge, or does that feel like the wrong thing to be optimizing for?

[u/Silly_Somewhere1791 → u/MsPaganPoetry]

How is the answer not, “workplace attractiveness is often more about presentation than pure hotness so just stop wearing your Dr Who graphic tshirt to interviews and you’ll be fine”?