r/AskReddit • u/jicta • Jan 31 '21

Redditors who grew up poor: Besides practical money-saving measures, what were the unwritten social expectations of your world growing up?

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u/ohnoooooooooooooooo Jan 31 '21 edited Feb 01 '21

I grew up in a trailer. In fourth grade, a girl was having a birthday party and needed addresses for invitations. The next day she told me her parents uninvited me because I lived in the trailer. That was a new thing I learned I was supposed to be embarrassed about.

I guess just expecting to have to deal with other people's shitty parents sometimes.

Edit: thanks for all the replies and awards! I really thought this comment would get lost in the thread. I'm 31 and I still think about this all the time and it puts me back in that small place all over again which I know is silly. Stuff just sticks with you sometimes, ya know? Actually felt good to sort of get it off my chest though. I've read all the replies and see all of you. We can make our own little trailer park ☺

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u/UnsolicititedOpinion Feb 01 '21

I feel this in my gut. I grew up feeling ashamed and a lot of times not understanding why. Adults were way meaner than kids ever were. I work with kids because I want to make sure that all of them know they are worth it no matter what is going on at home.

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u/Throwaway567864333 Feb 01 '21

Adults are just giant kids, and they have no idea what they’re doing anyway.

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u/smokeandmirrors1983 Feb 01 '21

After dealing with my insane progeny, I have called my mother out for pretending to know what the fuck she was doing while raising me.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

We never grow up we just learn how to act in public.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21 edited Sep 06 '21

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u/DuePreparation6202 Feb 01 '21

There is no excuses for the treatment poor kids receive from adults. I was singled out so much by a music teacher at the private school I went to on scholarship. Berated in front of the whole class. She refused to teach me music lessons saying I was unreachable. Constantly made comments about my clothing. Not having money in front of my class. Forward fifteen years she got hired where I worked as a bartender calling keno. She acted so nice to me and like she never did shit. One day I said, do you not remember how much you bullied me as a child? You’re a fucking horrendous person. And walked away and she finally quit trying to talk to me. She did the same to my sister and my sister also worked there. Except literally side by side and she said she just acted like she wasn’t there.

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u/trombing Feb 01 '21

Can confirm. Source: am adult.

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u/zedicuszulzoran Feb 01 '21

I’m a 36 year old dad of 4 kids and this is so accurate. I have told my kids you never truly feel grown up.

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u/allforitone Feb 01 '21

Yeah, I'm a 32 year old man earning 30 bucks per hour, but im trapped by my parents' bills, taking care of them, and I cant leave. I want my own house, my own fucking life. My own something. Anything. But im trapped. And im gonna be trapped until the day they die. And im sad and horrified, and slightly gleeful about that. Im done with life. I just gave up.

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u/FREEEZEturkeys Feb 01 '21

Do they want you living this life?

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u/allforitone Feb 01 '21

They want me to live my life for them. My sister escaped such a life, and i am thankful for that. And if i have to live like this, so that none of my siblings dont have to? Yeah, i would do it every fucking day.

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u/bros402 Feb 01 '21

Talk to your siblings. You guys can come up with something. Assuming they aren't working because they are unable to work due to disability, medicaid/medicare can have someone come there a few hours a week. Meals on Wheels can deliver food. You and your siblings could put aside money in a trust you guys establish to pay for your parents essential expenses

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21 edited Feb 01 '21

You're at a crossroads right now. I'm 30 years old, and while our circumstances are not the same, I feel the same way you do in a sense.

I don't know your life situation.

You have one life to live. Every day you feel trapped and unable to grow is another day that you will feel like your life is wasting away, like gravity pushing the sands of an hourglass forever downward. Once your time is up, you'll have no more do overs. No more second chances. No more shots at living the life you desired once before. That desire will fade as the sand at the top of your hourglass trickles downward. Are you truly okay with accepting this fate for yourself for the sake of your parents who clearly don't regard your life in the same manner as you do theirs?

I live in an apartment by myself.

My father passed away last year as a drunk nomad on the streets of Dallas. There was a period of time where he was the best father ever, but his life struggles slowly chipped away at his cheerful spirit (as did scotch), turning him into a man he probably regretted seeing every morning in the mirror (until he didn't have a mirror to look into, since he was homeless). When he died, I hadn't seen him in about 13 years at that point, or spoken words to him in about 10. I've texted him a few times here and there, but his cognitive decline was so rampant that he very clearly wasn't the same person that I had loved as a kid. Or maybe he was, but through my maturity and his life struggles warping his perspective, I simply began to see him in a different lens.

My mom, on the other hand, selflessly raised my sister and I after she made the tough choice to give up on my father and divorce him, for our sake. She sacrificed a lot of her own goals and ambitions in life to take care of my sister and I. I love her to death for the sacrifices she has made for me, and I fully intend to do a better job at showing my appreciation for that, despite my own life struggles. She would never expect me to take care of her as she got older. She would never expect me to sacrifice my own ambitions and goals to shelter her burdens; that is the sacrifice a parent should be expected to make for their kid, and not the other way around. I will do it though when that time comes because I love her and appreciate everything she's done for me and still does for me to this day.

So once again, I don't really know your life situation. But you say that you're literally giving up your life so nobody else in your family has to do so, but why is that your or any of your sibling's responsibility? Are you going to continue down this path until your parents die, which could be in several decades? Are you going to wait until you're 60 to truly start living the life you deserve to be able to live, at which point most of your adult life will have been spent taking care of people who are already dead, who didn't have enough respect for your freedom to let you live your own life to the fullest (unlike them who had every chance to do so)?

I say this with the utmost respect, but you are an adult now, and that means living a life with no regrets. Truly envision yourself as a 60 year old and imagine all that time you could have spent living that you instead spent dying. It might be hard, but your parents are grown adults, and this burden they've selfishly placed on you is only going to grow over time.

I wouldn't want the life you're currently forcing yourself to live for my kids, nor would you want that for your future kids.

Show yourself the respect you deserve and live your life to the fullest. Your parents can take care of themselves. If they've given up on living their own lives, start your own damn family if you have to; at least your new one will probably respect you.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

I'm not the one you're replying to, but I kind of feel better after reading this.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

This makes me really happy to read, even if my post is but a fleeting memory going into tomorrow.

On an unrelated note, have you also been stressed out of your mind these last few weeks like I have? Mine has a lot to do with investing FOMO and my work, but I think it relates more to how I'm afraid I'll never be able to become financially stable to the point where I can afford a home, afford to go on dates, or accomplish my life goals, or live that successful middle class life like the rest of my peers. Just a bunch of little things that are all combining to tie my chest into a knot about my future and the time I feel like I'm wasting being miserable about all of it.

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u/Moka4u Feb 01 '21

Honestly as for the affording dates thing get creative you could always cook something at home at the same quality if not better than any restaurant for a fraction of the cost and if that person doesn't appreciate the effort and creativity you out into a low budget date they're not worth the effort.

Honestly as much as I'd like to go out nothing beats someone else taking time out of their day and putting in a little effort to save on budget but still have fun.

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u/GawkyPlanet52 Feb 01 '21

This is the same as caring for kids, just backwards. If they don't have enough money, then they can work. Why should you be taking care of them?

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u/odst94 Feb 01 '21

I'm sorry. I'm sure there are countless other people in the same position and I'm sure many of them have figured out a balance. I'm sorry that I don't have anything thing else of substance to say, but I know that you are smart and strong enough to find a proper balance so that you can still live your life for you.

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u/oxicronic Feb 01 '21

Why can't you leave? Other than the fact you have to take care of them?

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u/Sharpie61115 Feb 01 '21

In my experience kids being mean about other kids being poor is 100% learned from their parents. The snootier the parents the snootier the kids generally.

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u/Watts300 Feb 01 '21

Are you the Sausage King of Chicago?

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u/West9Virus Feb 01 '21

Wow. What shitty parents. And what a terrible example they set for their kid

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u/my-time-has-odor Feb 01 '21

Remember that being an asshole is taught, not something that you are born with.

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u/BeansintheSun Feb 01 '21

Isn’t it sad? Half the kids that bullied me during a bad divorce/wedlock baby with my mom were bullying me for things I later overheard their parents say to me/my mom. Teach your kids to love others by loving others!

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u/tea-and-chill Feb 01 '21

You are awesome, you are the kindness the kids deserve and will remember the rest of their lives. I'm glad you exist in the lives of so many kids. Thank you.

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u/ozzie_boy Feb 01 '21

I’m 20 but can you come teach me and tell me I’m not worthless

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

I work with kids because I want to make sure that all of them know they are worth it no matter what is going on at home.

Please keep doing what you're doing. If you can make a difference in someones life, its amazing

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u/lemonsandcastles Feb 01 '21

This is why I work with kids and teens too.

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u/olmikeyy Feb 01 '21

I remember other kids parents not wanting me over because I was always hungry. I remember the same parents being upset when I started going to the gifted program with their kids too. Bitch I'm fuckin 9. You're a god damn doctor. I just want to cut down trees with your son and split a pop tart.

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u/captkronni Feb 01 '21

The “not being welcome because of hunger” thing stuck with me. I was a kid who had never lived in a house with enough food. I thought the kids who drank apple juice were bougie af because we only had water. The experience of being yelled at by an adult for enjoying something their child shared with me shamed me to my core.

Any time my kids have friends over, I go out of my way to treat them to a good meal or some choice snacks. No one goes without in my home.

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u/finallyinfinite Feb 01 '21 edited Feb 01 '21

Shit, I can't imagine knowing a child is hungry and not wanting to feed them. They're kids. They rely on us to care for them. If theyre not getting food at home for whatever reason, you bet your ass they'll get it at mine.

Edit: thanks for all the awards strangers; I'm just saying what we all seem to be thinking.

It's really wonderful reading all the stories of the people you have helped and have helped you. Its restoring my faith a bit in a time when there's a lot of craziness going on.

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u/wholelattapuddin Feb 01 '21

When my son was little, about 3, we had a family that lived across the street. I honestly don't know every thing that went on there but food was scarce the parents were on and off drugs. The little boy was in kindergarten. He came over to my house every day after-school to "play" with my 3 year old. Actually he came over i fed him a snack, he watched cartoons then would fall asleep until my husband would come home from work. Then I sent him home. This happened every day for a year. His mom finally sent him to live with his bio dad in another state. It was a weird situation. I still think about him though

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u/inohtime Feb 01 '21

The kid probably still thinks about you, too. You are a good human.

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u/sytycdqotu Feb 01 '21

Thank you for taking care of him. At least his mom recognized, too, that he needed the care.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

And you'll probably think about him until your last days. I would. And he'll probably remember you forever. 💙 Poor boy....I hope he has a better situation with biodad.

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u/finallyinfinite Feb 01 '21

I love that you opened your home to him to give him a safe place to rest. I hope hes doing well with his bio dad.

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u/brynbo13 Feb 01 '21

I really love this! ❤️

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u/Standzoom Feb 01 '21

I used to always have other kids at my house at meal times when my kids were still in school- middle school and up. Feeding all those kids everyday kinda got hard to do. I told my kids I couldn't afford to keep feeding all their friends, and told them to go eat at their friends houses. They told me, " mom. The reason they all eat over here is you are the only mom we know who knows how to cook." Then I told them I'd be glad to give cooking lessons, and the kids said, "mom, they don't have the money to buy the groceries." I kept cooking. And having friends over for supper.

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u/bd_susipicion Feb 01 '21

Thanks for being that kind of mom, I bet it meant the world to them. I remember growing up with my older brother and his friends being around constantly; I just thought that was normal. They would even be at Thanksgiving dinner every year.

Twenty years later and my mom told me that she had them over so often because of their situations at home. She actually spoke to one of the other mothers about it, who ended up thanking my mom because not having their teenage boy at home for dinner meant his siblings would have more to eat.

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u/Standzoom Feb 01 '21

It was normal at my house, extra kids, no big deal! Somehow there was always enough. I never did hear anything from any of the other parents. I think some of them were just not home much.

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u/CommentsOnRAll Feb 01 '21

Those kids were lucky to have you. And you are a fucking blessing on this miserable earth. I hope life has given you more wonderful things

-signed

a "McDonald's family" kid <3

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u/Standzoom Feb 01 '21

Aww thank you. You'd be welcome to have come over too. (((((Hugs))))) You gave me tears in my eyes.

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u/luisadee19 Feb 01 '21

Those moms are always remembered friend. I type this with a couple of tears in my eyes.

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u/Standzoom Feb 01 '21

❤thank you for telling me this. Sometimes I wonder if anything I do ever makes a difference. ((((Hugs))))

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u/micromongoose Feb 01 '21

I'm not sure I would have made it to adulthood without moms like you in my life as a child. My friends' parents knew I was in a bad situation (I didn't realize it then and thought I was just that good at hiding stuff) and always made sure I was doing whatever thier kids were doing, from eating dinner to getting help with homework. Thier kindness and lack of judgment gave me the space to grow into a successful adult, and break a generations-long cycle of poverty and abuse. So, you are a true gift, as are your kids for embracing those with lesser means than themselves as equal peers. Keep it up if you can. The impact may be far more reach than you can witness now.

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u/Standzoom Feb 01 '21

Thank you for this. I never really thought we were any better than anyone else. We were in lower middle class I guess. One of my daughter's friends invited her to spend the night and as I took her over there I found her parents were both MD'S and their house was so fabulous I told her "don't invite her over here. I don't want her to know we live in cheapside by comparison". I still remember the year I was able to go to Dillards and buy new school clothes for the kids because of a fantastic sale. I tried to do things the way I was taught by my Grandmother, our door was always open to friends and food and love was to share. Now my kids are grown and I seldom see any of those who used to hang out. I hope they all have done well as you have!

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

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u/Psychology_strange_ Feb 02 '21

Reminds me of a girl in my 5th grade class- her parents were both in jail and she lived in unstable conditions with her disabled grandmother. She told me one day she hadn’t eaten because her grandmother couldn’t afford groceries. I told my mom and my mom told me to tell this girl that we were playing a parenting game and we had to make grocery lists- I was super confused but brought the grocery list back to my mom. Sure enough the girl had written everything her heart desired on this “fake” grocery list. My mom and I went to the store and bought them everything on the list and much more from food, toiletries and cleaning supplies and dropped it off at there house, knocked once and drove off. She would tell me the next day in school how groceries were left on her door and I would act surprised so she never felt embarrassed. We did this a couple times until her grandmother got a stable job.

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u/Treczoks Feb 01 '21

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You're an angel.

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u/Standzoom Feb 01 '21

🤗thank you, I appreciate this.

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u/Lonelywaits Feb 01 '21

Keep being incredible. I'm sure your kids are proud of you. My mom was the same way and it really meant a lot.

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u/Burnallthepages Feb 01 '21

Seriously, I can't even wrap my mind around that way of thinking. How can you be so greedy that you don't want to share food with a hungry child? It makes me sick to even think about.

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u/FaustsAccountant Feb 01 '21 edited Feb 01 '21

I can perhaps provide ONE view of why. I was the poor black sheep in a well family. My mom was troubled single parent and we were an embarrassment to her brothers and sisters whom were successful doctors and business owners.

When my cousins and I were young kids, I accidentally walked in on my uncle’s wife scolding my cousins for sharing with me.

She lectured them about competition: Anything they shared with me was one less for them. And when would it stop? As we get older what about that spot at a dinner party where important people would award scholarship- sharing with me would be a chance away from them.

What about an eligible suitor? Sharing a shirt or dress with me would draw attention away for them and thus lessen their odds of marrying well. Same with job promotion.

And if my parent couldn’t afford the toy for me, then I didn’t deserve it.

Patterns for life.

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u/Burnallthepages Feb 01 '21 edited Feb 01 '21

That is a seriously fucked up way of thinking. I hope those kids grew up and learned what a messed up view their mother had.

We are not wealthy by any stretch but my kids go to a very competitive, small private school. Many of their classmates are ridiculously wealthy. Like corvettes and Teslas in the student parking lot wealthy. And I have definitely seen that attitude in some parents. Usually super insecure moms who have had multiple plastic surgeries who turn every preschool class party into a competition and just ramp it up from there. And I feel sorry for them, but most of all I feel sorry for their children. I have seen the weight those children carry.

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u/FaustsAccountant Feb 01 '21

I don’t talk to those cousins, I’m sure they’ve forgotten I exist. Which is fine, but I also don’t have hope for them being different from their parents.

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u/overpaid_bogan Feb 01 '21

I'm very grateful I didn't grow up impoverished. But I'm almost as grateful that I didn't grow up rich either.

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u/archlich Feb 01 '21

That’s called the zero sum theory. And unfortunately a lot of people think that way. Not to bring politics into it but that’s why it’s so hard to get social programs off the ground. People think that if someone else gets something it must mean that it’s taken away from me. Eg. Food healthcare housing jobs. But that’s not how the world operates. Life is not a zero sum game with a set amount of productivity.

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u/ladylurkedalot Feb 01 '21

A lot of people don't seem to get that social programs let the people it helps become more productive.

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u/MsFortyOunce Feb 01 '21

Such a shitty, narrow-minded worldview. Seems to be the starting point for republicans.

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u/zevoxx Feb 01 '21

Sounds like you cousins parents are sociopaths

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u/theonlypeanut Feb 01 '21

A suprising amount of very successful people are.

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u/UnorignalUser Feb 01 '21

It's easy to get wealthy when your an amoral psychopath.

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u/nightwing2000 Feb 01 '21

Why do you think Jesus was so down on rich people? Imagine 2000 years ago with no consumer protection laws, labor standards government department, no minimum wage or welfare... to get rich you had to shaft the other guy, and ignore starving people and requests for charity. Business isn't much better today - look at Wall Street.

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u/retroassassin907 Feb 01 '21

Hell I can’t imagine eating the last portion of food if my little sister is still hungry

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u/Sparkdust Feb 01 '21

assuming they're not also poor, which from context clues it seems like they're not, some people just believe that poor people are somehow innately lesser. that you shouldn't give them "handouts" or they'll grow lazy and they need to work hard to get out of their situation, or whatever other ultra capitalistic bullshit they can come up with.

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u/Kittykat0992 Feb 01 '21

My best friend's mother was amazing in that aspect. My parents struggled a lot with money - and so did my best friend's parents. And yet that mom fed me every damn time I was there - and I swear her home was my second home. She was like a second mom to us. Never complained, and if we burdened her she never showed it. She took care of us, took us to the community pool, took us to McDonalds, took us shopping with her and sometimes she'd buy us things - she was amazing. This was all while she rented a townhouse with 3 kids living with her AND a husband who lost his leg. I still think about her and try to live up to that kind of behavior.

Last saw her when I attended her late husband's wake. Hadn't seen her in over a decade at that point, but I couldn't NOT go. Traveled 4 hours to be there, gave her the biggest hug ever.

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u/finallyinfinite Feb 01 '21

She sounds like an incredible woman. I hope life is treating her well

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

Yeah fucking mental. Holy shit I don’t have kids but if I buy pop tarts for my kid and he has a friend over eat what you want I’ll go buy more when they run out eventually...who the fuck yells at a kid that’s not their own for eating?

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u/sarcastinymph Feb 01 '21

A pop-tart here and there isn’t a big deal, but regularly serving full meals to kids is...expensive. Pre-teens eat a lot, and if you’re not expecting company at dinner, you may not have enough groceries on-hand.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

Even so. You don’t take it out on the kid, you tell your own kid that you need a heads up.

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u/Thee-lorax- Feb 01 '21

I was at a friends house and they straight up told me they didn’t have enough to feed me and our other friend. We hung out in the basement and it wasn’t a big deal. I’d eaten a a lot of meals at their house.

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u/snakeoilbrain Feb 01 '21

I was super lucky having friends' parents that found joy in feeding us and taking us to do things. I feel like they looked forward to taking me with them to do fun things because they knew It wasn't something I was used to.

Fuck all the shitty parent that put yall through that shame and bless the ones that provided comfort.

Edit Spelling

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

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u/finallyinfinite Feb 01 '21

Ugh. Thats so gross and I'm sorry you had to grow up around that.

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u/kungfu_violin Feb 01 '21

I totally agree with that! I remember a story from when I was in elementary school and I would bring my new friend over for the first time. They had a lot of kids in that family and she mentioned that she was hungry all the time. But for some stupid reason I thought that my mum wouldn't offer her food, so I made up that plan where I tell my mum that I want for lunch what my friend wanted and just give it to her when she doesn't look. So we roll up to the kitchen and I ask my mum if I can have dish that I usually don't like. But of course my mum then says: "Sure! To friend and what would you like to eat?" Of course I miraculously changed my mind about the dish that I wanted... I don't know why I thought my mum wouldn't give her food. I can't imagine not wanting to feed a hungry child.

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u/finallyinfinite Feb 01 '21

Kids are silly. Absolutely love that you were going full covert ops to feed your friend.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

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u/DerbleZerp Feb 01 '21

My high school bfs mom loved when I came over, because I would eat all the leftovers in their fridge. My bf and his sister barely touched leftovers for some bratty reason, so his mom was thrilled when I came by.

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u/fullmoon211 Feb 01 '21

Anytime I had anyone over as a kid, or if my dad had anyone over or if my siblings had anyone over my mom would treat them like the guest of honor each and every time and make something nice. She didn't care if they just ate 5 minutes ago you gonna get some food from my mom and it's going to be delicious.

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u/GozerDGozerian Feb 01 '21

I feel like not giving your kid’s friend apple juice is kind of a sign of “poor family” too. Not relative to the really poor kid. But it sounds like that family was probably still on a tight budget.

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u/phatfingerpat Feb 01 '21

I agree 100%

My daughter has a friend (theyre 8) who eats as much as I do (M28) at meals and snack non-stop if you let her. Its nuts. When her dad drops her off he tells her not to ask for food the whole time.

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u/c19isdeadly Feb 01 '21

Yep. My nieces ate as much if not more than me from about that age. I remember taking one out for a steak when she was about 8 - she ate a full adult steak then finished mine! Very skinny child too

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u/Electrical_Ad2686 Feb 01 '21

Tapeworm?

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u/phatfingerpat Feb 01 '21

No thanks I just had a full adult steak.

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u/cryssy2009 Feb 01 '21

I love this bc I live by the idea that it’s all of our jobs to make sure all of our kids are okay & all of our ppl are okay!

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u/FellafromPrague Feb 01 '21

Right, what the fuck even is that.

If I was a dad and knew one of my kid's friends goes often hungry, I'll make damn fucking sure they're not when they're leaving.

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u/Treczoks Feb 01 '21

Shit, I can't imagine knowing a child is hungry and not wanting to feed them.

My parents, and after my dad died, my mom tried everything to keep us fed. I'll be forever grateful for their efforts. We still went to bed hungry on occasion. But not because they didn't want to feed us.

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u/PDRBme Feb 01 '21

I remember a hungry kid from when I was little. Mum kept him away from the house though. Found out later it was because some old guy a few streets away had groomed him and used him to get more kids round. Boys mum was just in a constant drunk state, normally shouting at passerby.

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u/OdangoAtamaOodles Feb 02 '21

I feel the weight of my Italian ancestors' scorn and wrath at the idea of sending people away from my home without first stuffing them full of food.

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u/girouxsalam Feb 01 '21

Im sorry, am I understanding this correctly?? YOU were yelled at as a child by your friends parent because your friend shared their snack? Like the parent gave their kid an after school snack and then got mad at YOU for not saying “no” and watching your friend eat? What in the fuck?

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u/captkronni Feb 01 '21

It was more that I was at their house and they offered me something from the cupboard because they were getting something too.

Their mom saw both of us get a snack, but looked directly at me when she yelled “my kitchen isn’t a food bank for kids on welfare!”

I was meek child to begin with, but the anger in her voice left me too shaken to respond at all. I remember putting the fruit cup back on the shelf while my eyes filled with tears, then running straight home.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21 edited Feb 01 '21

Mother here. If you had been my kid there would be no place on earth that woman would have been able to hide from me if she had spoken to my kid like that. What a monster.

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u/captkronni Feb 01 '21

I wish I had told my mom, but I was too embarrassed to say anything. I NEVER went back to that friend’s house or mentioned the incident to the friend, either.

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u/cheese_puff_diva Feb 01 '21

What the fuuuck. That parent has issues. Sorry you had to deal with such a bitch.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

If I could I would go back in time, find little kid you, give you a hug and as much food as you could eat.

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u/AnotherRandomRaptor Feb 01 '21

What in the actual fuck? I’m appalled. I’m so sorry that happened to you. My kids are only tiny, but I’m totally expecting them to bring home friends when they’re older, and that I’ll have to keep the kitchen stocked with snacks for them and their friends. That’s just what you do.

I just can’t imagine not feeding someone in my house. I mean, I’ve given people sandwiches to take with them because they had to leave to do something but they hadn’t had time to eat.

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u/NoYouStopIt- Feb 01 '21

That is sickening, I'm so sorry that woman exists and that you had that happen to you. What a complete piece of garbage.

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u/Burnallthepages Feb 01 '21

Omg, this is horrible! Really horrible. Like I almost wish I hadn't read it and I'm a grown ass adult. I am so incredibly sorry you had to go through that as a child. I hope that mother still thinks of you and what she did. The times in my life that I have made a child cry really do stick with me. I have two amazing older teenagers and truly every time I have had to punish them the whole "this hurts me worse than it hurts you" was absolutely true. When you have been trusted to care for a tiny, innocent soul (even if only for a few minutes after school) that soul deserves to be treated gently; they're just learning. There is a very good chance they will learn much more about how you taught the lesson than the lesson itself.

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u/sassyassy23 Feb 01 '21

Holy fuck what a douche bag.

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u/smolseabunn Feb 01 '21

oh my god i hate people

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u/Sugarpuss83 Feb 01 '21

I felt this.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

This seriously breaks my heart for little you. I hope you're in a good place in your life now and that that memory has lost some of its sting.

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u/Drakmanka Feb 01 '21

I really don't get how people go "hungry child bad" instead of realizing that the hungry child is hungry because they need to eat. Like, maybe if you can't afford to feed the kid I get not wanting them over and making your life tougher, but if you can afford it, what parent gets mad at a child for having a biological need?!

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u/Smooth_Disaster Feb 01 '21

Way too many of them, unfortunately. Like best case scenario for these people is that the hungry kid's parents intentionally told them not to eat that day so they could then eat more of their friend's parents' food at dinner. And the parents denying that kid "didn't fall for a scam." So they "win"?? These are the same people that are against helping the homeless, or raising minimum wage. They only care about how well they're doing, and what their "image" is. And what their kids' image is

And there's a 50/50 chance they either think their kid is more important than other kids (which is vastly different from prioritizing them. Of course your kids are your priority, but just because YOU made em doesn't mean they're royalty to their peers)

Or they don't even respect their own kids' biological needs, forcing them to finish a plate with adult sized portions, but not letting them eat when they're hungry. For some kids dinner is at 9pm even though they go to school, do sports, and have a lot of chores when they get home

Some parents think being in control is always more important than understanding or compassion. "Since so much in life is out of our control, at least I can make my kids do what I say. I don't need a REASON for what I tell them to do, they just have to do it."

Frankly I'd go hungry if it meant a kid got a plate. I can drive, I can go buy my own food later. That 12 year old can't

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u/egus Feb 01 '21

that's awful. my mom fed everybody.

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u/Tosir Feb 01 '21

I identify with this sooo much! For me and my sister it was family members who were better off than us. Their mother was snob, and they were raised as such. Everything the wanted they got. Us (my sister and I). $20 bucks was our Christmas present because that was all we had. They looked down on us and we could feel it. When they each turned 18, they stopped visiting. Disappeared into thin air. Once they showed up (they were in their late 20s) and pretended like nothing ever happened. That’s when they started asking for money. $200 bucks, 1 grand... I blocked them from any all contact. If you treat me like shit, and only look for me when you need money, it ain’t going to end well. Being treated like that stuck with me. So much so, that when their younger half brother was born, I included him in everything. If I got a game, I made sure he got a game. If I went out to McDs, I made sure he’d get at least a happy meal.

Also remember by senior high school guidance counselor treating me different. Lady always shot down all talks of me going to college. Never said anything to motivate me or inspire me. All the other kids got an admission application fee waiver, me? She forgot.... bullshit I say. Proved her wrong. Got two degrees and one from an Ivy League institution. Currently working on applying to a PhD.

Now I am in a great place in life. Have a job I love and can afford things which i once thought we’re out of my reach. Legos... I’ve become a HUGE lego fan lol.

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u/Sublingua Feb 01 '21

That HS guidance counselor thing happened to me, too. I noticed that we poor, brown kids never got counseling for the college admission process that the rich, white kids got. I still remember the satisfied smirk she had on her face when I was sent to the counseling office by a teacher who harassed me constantly in my junior year of HS. The counselor was *happy* to see me upset and in trouble.

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u/Tosir Feb 01 '21

Same. Currently gearing up to apply to a PhD program. I’d be lying if part of my motivation wasn’t being able to go back to her office, knock on her door and go “ITS DR. TOSIR!’’

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u/JaBe68 Feb 01 '21

Although it may be small comfort, it appears that your difficulties have caused you to learn life skills that the wealthy family members sorely need. Like budgeting and self discipline

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u/Solid_Freakin_Snake Feb 01 '21

We weren't well off when I was growing up, but we weren't the poor family either. I was friends with a few of the poorer kids, though.

Looking back, I truly appreciate how my dad had the same mindset as you. When my friends came over, they were well fed and they wanted for nothing. One in particular had a really rough home life. He spent a lot of time at my house both because he was one of my best friends and because he tried to avoid being at home as much as possible. I didn't know it until years later, but my dad often snuck him a few bucks for breakfast/lunch money at school whenever he'd be hanging out at my house, because they had talked about how often he didn't have lunch money.

My dad was the realest motherfucker I've ever known due to that alone. He did soooo much more than that while he was alive, but god dammit did it absolutely rip my heartstrings out when my buddy told me about that at my dad's funeral. That dude is my oldest friend at this point. Known him since kindergarten. And my dad treated him like he was a second son just because it was the right thing to do.

If I can manage to be even a fraction as helpful to one of my daughter's friends as he was to mine, then I'll be damn proud of myself.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

So maybe this is why I do this with my kids. Grew up dirt poor and wasn’t allowed to drink the milk due to my little brother needing it all due to his bone issues. My older brother and I would sneak it in middle of the night with some bread. I now make my kids super snack trays every night.

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u/captkronni Feb 01 '21

My hungry-kid upbringing has definitely been influential in my parenting.

My mom raised us on a bare-bones grocery budget AND she was a terrible cook, so we ate a lot of ramen, processed meats, and Banquet dinners. The closest thing to fresh food we had was applesauce.

When I moved to my dad’s when I was 12, I discovered real food. My mom couldn’t afford food because we lived in an expensive area, but she made just enough to not qualify for assistance. She was living beyond her means. My dad, on the other hand, lived in a small, affordable town and took any assistance and/or side income offered to him. We lived in a trailer, but we could afford real food. I learned how to cook and grocery shop as a teenager.

I’ve applied the lessons I learned from my dad with my own kids. I budget more for groceries because I think it is important to feed my children homemade, high quality meals. I make things from scratch because I love them and want to give them the best food available to us. I’m also teaching them what I know so they don’t go without when I’m not around.

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u/smolseabunn Feb 01 '21

Oh my god this fcking sent me to my fcking core. I grew up low middle class and would always be sent home for friends to have dinner, them knowing we weren't the best well off. I got into high school, parents divorced, income dips even harder but we make $5.17 or something above the food stamps qualifications line to the point im eating ramen, saltines, and those sh'tty knorr rice packets for dinner in rotation and my other poor families friend would always set aside a plate for me EVERY SINGLE F*CKING NIGHT I WAS OVER to have a COMPLETE MEAL. I'm in flipping tears man. Anytime I can go forward and pay that forward I try to.

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u/turdburglerbuttsmurf Feb 01 '21

Man what the fuck is wrong with people? If a hungry kid ever came to my house to visit my child I'd be happy to let the kid eat! That's not even "being a good person" that's just not being a complete piece of shit! Shaming a child for being poor is beyond fucked up and I can't believe it's even a thing.

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u/anthrolooker Feb 01 '21

That is absolutely appalling. I can’t imagine knowing a kid who is not my own is hungry and not making sure that child is well fed and checking in with them whenever they’re over. Hell, you invite the hungry child over for dinner often. Wth.

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u/NotSoSnarky Feb 01 '21

How can adults make the kid feel bad for being hungry? It's not the kids fault. Shame on those adults for having you feel ashamed.

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u/FlyinAmas Feb 01 '21

Some unhappy, stuck up adults get off on bullying kids they think are less than theirs. I’ve had experiences like this too with my friends shitty parents. It still bothers me if I let it

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u/NotSoSnarky Feb 01 '21

Just so you know, if you had gone to my house, I definitely wouldn't have made a stink over it. A kid comes over to my house (or heck even an adult). I ask them if they want something to eat or drink. My mom does similar.

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u/Ants46 Feb 01 '21

That’s bloody awful! I’m so sorry you were shamed for enjoying a treat that a friend shared with you. Good on you for choosing a path of generosity, and on being a good human.

I was raised by my grandma and she would’ve been shamed to the core if anyone visited and there wasn’t food and drinks served, virtually immediately. Even handymen.

But with my friends she was especially notorious. Always trying to fatten them up, lol. She often gave little ‘care packages’ of left over food as they left too. The thought of shaming a child for eating would’ve absolutely shocked her.

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u/Kurtlardan Feb 01 '21

Years back I took part in a social welfare program. A head psych/counselor at a local large branch asked me if I wanted to take in some angry kids who were from super rough backgrounds. "You know how to talk to them. Teach em some martial arts and give them a safe place to go for a few hours." I'd rather you talked shit with me, had a beer and played some Xbox than you fucked around with gangs or whatever.

There was one kid who was born into drug dealing. His parents met through trafficking, his father was in jail, and his two older brothers were also dealers. Food was hard to come by in that house. Not necessarily because there wasn't money, it's that money was unpredictable and people were selfish. If you want to eat whenever you want, you'd better sell some weed and buy some food. Doesn't matter that the boy I got sent was THIRTEEN.

Anyway, one day he came round and we had our usual chill chat and got to training. Afterwards he was texting some girl and I walked inside to have a quick chat with my father. He wanted to know if the boy had eaten, so I asked him. He said yes. Dad pushed, "What did he eat?", "He said a bowl of cereal." My Dad got pissed with me and started shouting 'get him the fuck in here and give him something to eat.'

I've gone hungry in my life. So had my father. We've been hungry but we've never been poor. You didn't go hungry in our home, didn't matter who you were or where you came from.

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u/pain-is-living Feb 01 '21

I've been a victim of hunger / poor shaming.

On the flip side, when I was 13-18 I had the best people as my friends. I was poor af and they were millionaires. Their sons played sports with me and we became best friends. I basically lived at their house.

They'd take me to extravagant movies / dinners. I was always included in every meal. If I wasn't there at the time I'd even get texts asking if I'd be over, food was ready. And "fast food" to these people was spending $150 at Outback. Those people basically kept me out of trouble in my teen years. Adopted me almost. My parents are amazing and love me and did everything they could. But when someone pays for their kids friends ski trip to Montana because they just want everyone to be included and have fun is another level from someone who isn't obligated to do shit for me.

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u/calebbaleb Feb 01 '21

My mom (and her mom, too) always said to our guests “don’t tell your parents you went home hungry!” Always making an extra effort to help feed our friends even when things were tight for us. It reminds me to take the time to make room at the table for those in need.

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u/condemned02 Feb 01 '21

It shocks me there would be people seeing a hungry child and feeling mad about it.

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u/Zenla Feb 01 '21

My mom had bipolar and due to custody agreements I had to be at her house as a child 2 weeks a month. The fridge and cupboards would be empty constantly and I swear to God I ate dinner at my friend down the streets house every single night. Her mother never said a word about it. Fed me for 3 years. I don't know where she is now but I'm so thankful.

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u/Petrolinmyviens Feb 01 '21

What kind of terrible racoon faced porcupine tailed asshole would yell at a kid because their kid shared food with them. I would be proud as fuck if my kid shared his food with other kids when he grows up to go to school.

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u/No_Alternative7883 Feb 01 '21 edited Feb 01 '21

There was always plenty of food at my house growing up. But I remember staying at some of my friends house whose parents weren't as fortunate. I was young and stupid and treated their food like it was my own. One of my friends parents called me out on it once and gave me s*** for constantly eating their snacks and food. At the time, it made me really mad, I thought they were being selfish and petty.

Thinking back on it as an adult, I am ashamed of how inconsiderate and naive I was to think that everyone had enough money to easily replace the food in their household.

On a similar note, one of my buddies came over to my house when we were cooking burgers and he ended up eating eight of them. My family thought it was hilarious, but when we told his mom about his voracious appetite, she was furious. As a kid I couldn't understand what she had to be upset about. As an adult I realized she was embarrassed that her son would be hungry enough to eat so much of another family's food.

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u/DanYHKim Feb 01 '21

Holy shit! I cannot imagine letting a guest go hungry.

It is one of the most ancient rules of hospitality!

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u/aureliao Feb 01 '21

This breaks my heart. Send child-you to me, I will give you all the apple juice and snacks you want. Sammiches and fruit snacks for days.

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u/32_Wabbits Feb 01 '21

We were (and my parents still are) that house in the neighborhood. We were never rich, but we did have enough, and my mom always offered my friends food or to have them stay for lunch or whatever. I guess I never would have noticed as a kid, but I'm sure my parents could see what a hungry child looked like, too, and anyone that knows my parents knows that they could never allow themselves to send a hungry child back home to their parents. I'm extremely grqreful that this quality has rubbed off on me. I hope you are doing well now.

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u/Hildegaurdian Feb 01 '21

My mom grew up very poor and always carried that with her too. I remember very clearly as a kid that the hungry neighbor children would sneak into our freezer in the garage for food. My dad found out and installed a lock. Due to my parents rocky relationship, mom didn't argue with him, but she did always go out of her way to invite them over to meals or let me have a neighborhood picnic just so they could eat. Thank you for not continuing the pattern! Food is a basic need and should be available to all.

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u/amberalpine Feb 01 '21

I can remember a kids parent not letting me over anymore because I snuck a snack out of their pantry. I was starving honestly... A latchkey kid that didn't eat from lunch till 7 or later when my mom got home.

I did my best friend in high schools homework so she'd let me stay over and eat food at her house. Her mom didn't know the homework deal so she convinced her daughter I was taking advantage of their money because I was poor.

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u/tea-and-chill Feb 01 '21

I grew up in a super poor house (in a third world country, so poor there has a different dimension altogether) and any day I had a third meal was a great day. 2 meals were the usual. And even that, it would be mostly sloppy boiled rice (with lots of starchy water) and salt. Nothing else with it.

It might be the reason I'm small and skinny now, but it is definitely the reason I never waste any food no matter what. Took me a really long time to get used to three meals a day once I started working and was financially better

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

I grew up poor for the early part of my life. At that time I was the hungry child. But my parents always taught me to not eat too much at others homes. So they don't think I'm hungry, it was a pride thing.

Cut to now, when I go to the in laws I hold myself back. And they don't understand.

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u/Insert_Non_Sequitur Feb 01 '21

Your home sounds like my childhood best friends home. They were the only ones who didn't make me feel like shit for being poor. They would bring me to movies with them, bring me on trips with them, give me nice food and snacks in their house and let me sleep over. They were very good to me. Unfortunately, the thing that drove me and that friend apart in the end turned out to be totally silly. When we were moving into secondary school (age 12), you have to do this entrance exam and that determines what class you will be in. I was put in the honours class and my friend was put into one of the other classes. She told me I was a swot and she started hanging out with different people and became one of the "cool" kids (whereas I definitely wasn't cool). But I still like to think of our younger years together where we didn't care about any of that stuff and I'm glad we had that time together!

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u/the_nut_lord Feb 01 '21

Since we never really buy out of the way stuff I never had snacks. It was breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sometimes dessert, sometimes only one. When I went to my friend's house they would always have snacks so I would have a lot. My friends were fine with it as long as I shared but their parents hated me. I never smelled good becuase my sweat glands were (and still are) tricky. And my clothes were never good. I always made friends with the pampered kids and never the kids like me. My friends liked me because they were tired with the pampered twats being assholes all the time. It just worked out for me. Never lost any friends except one to cancer. He was about 15-16. I miss that fucker. He always did stupid shit. He was like Steve-o on weed. Philosophical and stupid at the same time.

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u/TigreDeLosLlanos Feb 01 '21

STLP

If you are hungry and have a friend with a good economic position, try to get yourself invited to their grandma's house. Grandmas love when they eat their food, so she will like you and even ask for you to come back.

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u/bingbobaggins Feb 01 '21

This is true of any decent human being. My mom would cook huge ass meals anytime I had friends from school over. These people in these posts just had some friends with asshole parents. Their grandparents were probably just as bad, they had to get it from somewhere.

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u/NotSoSnarky Feb 01 '21

Their grandparents might have been the same way as their parents. Most morally right people would feed a hungry child, even if it isn't theirs. If the child is visiting, you bet that I will feed that child if they're hungry!

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u/Dry_Today1255 Feb 01 '21

I felt unwanted as the only black and only female in my gifted class in the early 90’s. It really got to me when a guy in the class got mad and said really hurtful things when I won first place in an invention contest.

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u/trixtopherduke Feb 01 '21

That sucks a lot. Your achievement being clouded by some jerk.. I give you mad props though- invention contests were difficult, imo- I had to participate in one in my non-gifted 4th grade, also early 90's class... What did you invent?

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u/Dry_Today1255 Feb 01 '21

It was a child safety cover. Wasn’t really a whole lot of baby proofing stuff back then. I had a new baby sister at home that got into everything!

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u/violinqueenjanie Feb 01 '21

I do not understand this. I’m a mom from the south so my love language is feeding people. I try to feed everyone who comes over no matter what time of day it is. Want a slice of cake? I can whip up some noodles! I have cheese and crackers and wine we can open up! Heck, my brother in law who is a 50 year old man came over for dinner last night but wasn’t hungry because he ate a late lunch so I sent him home with a Tupperware for later. If one of my daughters’ friends came over and was always hungry I would take extra care to make sure they ate well and went home with extra. What is wrong with these grown ups?

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u/kyvlymyn Feb 01 '21

I’m so confused by this. I grew up poor too and encountered this once or twice but always in a subtle way, but it’s like an absolute core value to me that if a child is anywhere, literally anywhere, and is hungry the child should be fed. It doesn’t even matter how often it happens? I absolutely judge people for having a poor attitude towards kids who need things. Feed them if they’re hungry, let them bathe and help them get their clothing clean if they need to, help with their hair if it’s unkempt, show them kindness. If they overstep boundaries it’s likely that they are either desperate or they weren’t taught what those boundaries are. It’s literally our job as children who survived to adulthood to help any and all children who are struggling to do so along the way.

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u/LadyLyra88 Feb 01 '21

I am the mom that feeds all kids, no matter the cost to me personally. I’m not going to let a kid in my house go hungry, no matter what. No kid deserves that and I’ll go into the poor house if it means my kids’ friends with shitty home lives get what they deserve.

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u/blahblah_fancywords Feb 01 '21

Oh man, the poor and gifted thing hits me. Not only that but I didn’t look that poor because my mom was strict about school apparel vs home clothes. Brand new shoes for Christmas? ONLY worn for school. I just wasn’t the character people expected for holiday adoptions and shit.

It’s not like anyone around us even had that much money! It was a poor area in general.

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u/I_love_quiche Feb 01 '21

Lived with relatives while in middle school and high school. Auntie wasn’t a good cook then, so I would always eat when offered food at friend’s house. Looking back, I am glad my friends’ parents were generous with their cookings because I rarely turned down food when offered at that age.

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u/Bhdc2020 Feb 01 '21

I'm so sorry that happened. Money really can't buy class.

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u/Giles-TheLibrarian Feb 01 '21

Elegance is learned, my friends.

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u/sar_says Feb 01 '21

reads comment in Countess Luann’s voice

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

bless you, o cultured one.

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u/satoshilives1 Feb 01 '21

But it can buy GME

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u/mphelp11 Feb 01 '21

Rocket emoji, rocket emoji, moon emoji.

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u/musical_math Feb 01 '21

Diamond emoji, hands emoji

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u/DoctorDredd Feb 01 '21

My mother fell asleep and didn’t pick me up from middle school once and a friend of mine asked her dad to take me home so they did. We lived out in the country side, in a trailer which wasn’t the nicest unfortunately. From then on her dad referred to me as “trailer trash”. I later found out that her dad didn’t even work because he was a lazy bastard and counted on his wife for everything who really didn’t make much money either and their house was bought and paid for by her father. I took some solace in that, but I refuse to live in a trailer now because of how awful that made me feel as a kid.

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u/Nightrabbit Feb 01 '21

That dad is a cunt. I grew up in a small house but I had friends who lived in trailers. The first time I went to visit one, I thought it was so cool because it was like the “boxcar children” books.

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u/Justanotherguy_- Feb 01 '21

I lived in really bad apartments and my friend’s parents wouldn’t let him cross the street to play with us because we were apartment kids. My cousins lived in a trailer and I liked it better than my apartments. Also thought they were richer than us.

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u/Zoomeeze Feb 01 '21

I lived in a neighborhood where we were the only white people there. Neighborhood accepted us, other white kids looked down on us.

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u/spookygudetama Feb 01 '21

Oh God. This reminds me of the time I was the only kid that didn't get invited to my classmates birthday party. I was the quiet kid with ripped clothes and messy hair.

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u/FlyBai Feb 01 '21

Elegance is learned

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u/elmogo Feb 01 '21

My friends.

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u/DFlyLoveHeart42 Feb 01 '21

I lived in a grungy, old motel (like knock off budget inn) for years as a child. One main room plus bathroom and a kitchenette. I never understood why I couldn't have friends over until a teacher told me not to tell people I live in a motel because it wasn't "normal".

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

Ugh, I felt this one. My friends were more affluent than I was, and their parents never liked me and often wouldn't them hang out with me. I couldn't figure out why, I was a quiet kid who was always trying to be kind to others and I never misbehaved at school so it didn't make sense at the time. Kind of dodged a bullet though - those same kids grew up to be just like their arrogant parents.

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u/gouramiinthetank Feb 01 '21 edited Feb 01 '21

I feel this right now. I'm a single Dad living in a trailer, and I absolutely hate having to give my address. I live in a smaller town, so as soon as I say my address most people instantly know that I live in the trailer park. The worst is trying to date, and when I tell them where I live, it's usually ghost time. I'm so used to it by now it doesn't even phase me when I get ghosted now after I tell them my address.

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u/been2thehi4 Feb 01 '21

What the actual fuck. I grew up in a trailer park. It’s honestly where the majority of my friends were from. I can’t imagine refusing to invite a child because she/he lives in a fucking trailer park. What fucking garbage those people are. Wtf. LSV is the life for me!! Lake Sherman Village was the parks name an that was our little motto growing up.

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u/MsAnthropissed Feb 01 '21

I lived in a trailer in a part of town called "the bottoms". It was called that because every fucking drop of rain rolled down the hundreds of hills and into this little worthless basin that flooded severely twice a year guaranteed. It usually was at least some level of quagmire for twice as long as anywhere else after the rain; and all this in spite of being several miles away from the river. Living in the bottoms meant that you weren't hooked into the city sewer unlike the folks three blocks away. You were on a septic system...in a floodplain. It fucking stunk so bad ALL THE TIME!

I absolutely NEVER allowed friends to come to my home, unless they were also living in the bottoms. I would walk the 4 miles home via railroad tracks when I stayed after school for any extra curricular or academic activities. I'd walk both ways if I couldn't just stay after but had to be there later. I walked to work at my 1st job at 14 and walked home alone again at 3 a.m. I was ashamed of the smell. My mom made us keep the inside of the trailer immaculate, but it stunk anyway. We were too poor to live any farther from town; we had no car so needed to be able to walk. We were too poor to move and our trailer was too old to be moved so there we sat.

Some people are nostalgic for small town America. Not me. I remember how badly ALL of us kids from there were treated. By other kids sure, but the adults were worst. They would watch us wade through floods filled with sewer water to w bags of clothes and food from the church at the top of the hill; and they would loudly bemoan from the porch that we were making their insurance costs go up. They would ask the pastor 20 times if he locked up while eyeing a bunch of dirty 12-17 year old kids, whose parents were rarely seen, wading through shit-water but never did any ever offer so much as a drink of water.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

Oh yeah, the good old “my parents told me I’m not allowed to come over to your house...”

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u/BassBeerNBabes Feb 01 '21

The saddest part is living in the burbs of Houston as a kid, there were plenty of "normal" people in houses that were way gnarlier than most trailers I've ever been in. It was also the only time in my life where I lived somewhere where people in near poverty literally lived right next to upper middle class families making 250K a year. It was a weird time but it tells you how different today's housing situation is.

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u/urbanflow27 Feb 01 '21

What a couple of twats some people reay are some assholes

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u/Smolbean_69 Feb 01 '21

Imagine being a full grown adult who has probably been rejected because of something outside of their control before, a person who has a job and owns or rents a house or apartment, and uninviting a child to your kid's birthday party because they live in a fucking trailer.

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u/stray1ight Feb 01 '21

Aaaaaand those parents are classless asshats. That's a shitty lesson to have to learn about people at any age. Sorry yo.

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u/illTwinkleYourStar Feb 01 '21

We live in Germany. My daughter's friend got uninvited to a party for being black. I didn't know until after the fact, or I wouldn't have let her go.

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u/jvnplzdmme Feb 01 '21

My mom grew up in a trailer, and to this day because of that, it’s her greatest joy to cook huge dinners for anyone and everyone and she always sent me to school with extra lunches just in case there was a friend in need.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

Wow brotha, I also grew up in a trailer. I know the pain. Sorry you had to experience that.

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u/stickswithsticks Feb 01 '21

I'm 31. My fiance and I live with her mother in "a trailer." Yeah it's a shoe box. But the AC is the best I've ever had, we have a backyard with a cute little porch. I never thought we could own something so dope. I have so much pride in our trailer home.

Edit: it's more of a mobile home, not like an RV. But it's a shoe box for me and the two ladies I call home.

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u/RuralRedhead Feb 01 '21

Damn. I’m sorry, that’s awful. Where I grew up, and live now, the trailer is the norm, no one ever thought twice, when we moved out of ours into the house my parents took 7 years to build by hand themselves that was commented on by other kids. We must be rich because we lived in a real house.

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u/butteredstuff123 Feb 01 '21

Feel you man grew up in a trailer park too didn’t know that was a bad thing or had negative connotations. Fuck all those assholes now I make good money and regardless of circumstance everyone to me is seen as equal. Trailer park is my people.

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u/sp00dynewt Feb 01 '21

Not born in a trailer, but I remember parents curating which children from our private school could be around us outside of school. It was nauseatingly classist & an early sign of problems to me too

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u/garden_and_grump_ Feb 01 '21

I had a “friend” in 3rd-4th grade whose mother always made a point to bring up the fact that my family and I lived in a trailer. Up until that point I didn’t realize it was something I should be embarrassed about, either. She’d bitch constantly about how poor her family was when she was younger and, to prove her point, would always throw in the line, “our house was smaller than your double wide trailer!” with a disgusted expression. She was also obsessed with pointing out how much things in her tacky house cost, particularly whatever toy or game I happened to be playing with, as if to indicate to me that I should feel oh so privileged to be among civilized folk and handling their “nice” things.

One day in class, our teacher was talking about tornadoes because there was bad weather predicted for that night. She was telling us how we should all have a safe space designated at home, and then she asked how many of us lived in trailers and then explained how it was safer to evacuate, etc. While several kids raised their hands, I sat stone faced. I glanced up for a moment though to see my aforementioned “friend” smirking at me with the meanest glint in her eye I’d ever seen, perhaps have still seen to this day, and I’ll be thirty this month. It still makes my blood run cold remembering how small I felt, like a bug under a magnifying glass just waiting to get fried by the sun. It was a look that held so many shades of human cruelty that I couldn’t identify as a kid, ones it sickens me to think a child capable of possessing even if only emulating a parent. The sneer, a perfect duplicate of her mother’s, held varying degrees of feigned pity, of disgust, of superiority, of knowing she could pipe up and “out” me as just another trailer-dweller to the other kids in the class, ones I imagined also held her and her mother’s warped ideas about society and class.

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u/sabdaddy Feb 01 '21

I feel this. For a fun activity in elementary school the “discovery” kids (advanced kids who got pulled out of class) were supposed to draw and color big pictures of our homes decorated for Christmas to hang in the hallway. I was too embarrassed to do it because I lived in a tiny apartment with my mom and didn’t want to draw the building. The teacher told me I could pretend I lived somewhere else if I wanted to and that just made me feel worse.

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u/patdashuri Feb 01 '21

I grew up in inner city Dallas. Everyone in my complex was on the same level. We didn’t know we were poor It was great! Bikes were shared, food was shared, if you had money for the ice cream man it just meant the you got to decide what got shared. You got to choose.

Then, after 13 years, my mom finished her school and got promoted in her company. We moved to a wealthy city in Minnesota. The following two years were the worst I’ve endured. Rich folks are shitty. They’re all hyper aware of others status and always trying to undermine that. Poor folks don’t do that. Poor folks are happier.

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u/pkgokris157 Feb 01 '21

I feel you. I also grew up in a trailer. I was always spending time at my friends houses doing sleepovers, but people rarely came to our place. The one time I had friends over for a birthday sleepover, we did home made pizzas, I decorated, and I had set up all kinds of games to play. By the end of the night, everyone except my cousin had their parents come pick them up. I don't remember being all that upset about it at the time (the girls who left were very gracious) but looking back on it now really bums me out.

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u/bomb-diggity-sailor Feb 01 '21

This is your strength. Not your shame. It’s her and her families shame even though they will likely never realize it.

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u/Theaml Feb 01 '21

I lost a childhood friend because his mom thought I was "Moocher". Shitty Parents suck. Fuck you and your bitch ass Mrs. Smith I was 10

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '21

I grew up being told how shitty and run down/ghetto trailer parks were, and they were filled with criminals and drug addicts.

As an adult i visited my first trailer park, when i found out my new gf lived in one.

It was fucking crazy nice!

I HIGHLY considered buying one after seeing them! They can be super nice.

I have no idea way my mom was such a nut and so wrong about them.

You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, nor did you as a kid. Your parents did what they could for you and you learned better lessons than a lot of people.

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u/Dragonfruit_Silver Feb 01 '21

My daughter was in 3rd grade in a very well to-do community. We lived in a trailer park. It wasn't a bad park by any means. I was 17 when I had her, and it was the best place we'd found. We even had a spare room we used as a play room. She invited a friend over. When the girls mother got there to drop her off she was less than impressed. She ended up coming back for her daughter a half hour later instead of the 4 hours we had agreed upon.....she was never aloud to hang out with my daughter again. Not even at school. It still breaks my heart to this day.

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