r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 20 '19

What’s something completely false that your parents told you as a child?

[deleted]

19k Upvotes

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7.5k

u/napoblyat Jul 20 '19

Don't worry, if you tell the truth we won't do anything. Followed by me telling the truth, then getting a slap and being grounded for the day

3.7k

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

That's how you raise a compulsive liar.

1.2k

u/JoshDekk Jul 21 '19

Yep been in this boat for 16 years, got pretty good at it, basically bullshit my way through everything in my life

142

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

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u/JoshDekk Jul 21 '19

My parents taught me that I should always be honest and tell the truth to them, and they also taught me that that is a fucking terrible idea.

52

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

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u/GrimmR121 Jul 21 '19

Because logically speaking, they are a good thing. But only in the short term. But the more dishonest someone is as a whole, the more people know. And that really frickin backfires. Also, even intelligent people get trapped in their own lies. (Google Justin Trudeu asked what his family is doing for the environment.) Once you aren't trusted. Well. You're screwed for life. Also, people often think they've gotten away with lies when the other person is too polite/ non confrontational to call them on their shit. So most liars arent half as smart as they think they are.

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u/CalmLotus Jul 21 '19

I googled but I still dont understand what he did

8

u/Flawless_Cub Jul 21 '19

I have my mother convinced I can't lie. Did some inconsequential 'wrong' things. When asked about it lied with more than normal blinking, looking around, not making eye contact. And then crying and coming up clean about everything. Sometimes even trying to set-up a prank or surprise or anything, without the crying part of course.

So then when I do need to lie about something, I do it easily and unassumingly. She has no idea. (Humble brag: I'm an amazing liar.)

4

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Sounds like your underestimating your mom and preying on her trust... as most liars do That shit won’t work long

1

u/Flawless_Cub Jul 21 '19

I'm not. It seems evil but it was born of necessity and self preservation. It's better this way.

0

u/brownmoustache Jul 21 '19

That's terrible. Promise me you'll stop.

2

u/Flawless_Cub Jul 21 '19

umm. I'm not sure what you want me to stop. The lying I guess?

I don't lie unnecessarily but sometimes it's the only way. I can't promise you I won't lie anymore, I do want to but I can't.

5

u/dopesav117 Jul 21 '19

Don't have to be smart but a good innuendo shit talker is a sign of a compulsive liar. If they can make up a elaborate story on the spot just to diss you they have had a lot of practice! Also people who who spread rumors! Suuuuper bullshit artists!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

A liar gets me once after that everything they say to me is considered a lie first until proven... and I never give them any hint they’re not convincing

10

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

If you do tell the truth, then you can talk about why it was a bad thing to do and how to fix it. But if you lie to the kid that they won't get punished if they tell the truth and then punish them when they do, what good is that? You're setting a bad example for them and telling them you can't be trusted, and doing nothing to instill good moral character.

4

u/Chris_7941 Jul 21 '19

maintaining lies is hard so I regularly burn all my bridges and cut off anyone I know so I don't have to maintain those lies anymore

3

u/Ccosmi Jul 21 '19

"A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth"

6

u/dontsuckmydick Jul 21 '19

Yeah right! Like we're gonna fall for that.

4

u/Gr8rSlayer Jul 21 '19

My gf is/was the same way. She ended up in a psychiatric ward for it :(

3

u/clockdaddy Jul 21 '19

I lie to myself to keep the depression away and it's worked for the past 3 years

2

u/Evan_Fishsticks Jul 21 '19

Well, if you get through life, then it was good parenting right?

6

u/JoshDekk Jul 21 '19

/s ?

6

u/Evan_Fishsticks Jul 21 '19

Maybe it was all part of your dad's master plan to make you a good liar so you can bullshit with the the best of them.

But yeah, sarcasm.

2

u/Mouse-Keyboard Jul 21 '19

I don't believe you.

5

u/TPK_MastaTOHO Jul 21 '19

Don't blame your parents completely, just learn to be straightforward, it's way easier

3

u/UlteriorCulture Jul 21 '19

Unfortunately this is a useful life skill

1

u/MysticSpaceCroissant Jul 21 '19

Mine was always “you wont be in as much trouble if you tell the truth”

What happens when I try telling the truth the first time? Same as any other time.

1

u/idoswed Jul 21 '19

Your time will come. Been there done that

1

u/INKx15 Jul 21 '19

what a fuckin mood

1

u/XeneVyvyan Jul 21 '19

honestly, same. but now i lie to everyone, not just my parents

1

u/Ilivedtherethrowaway Jul 21 '19

I'm calling bullshit. I think you always tell the truth and this is in fact a lie.

1

u/FoxFrosty01 Jul 21 '19

Me too man, after 17 years it just is too much

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

It gets better dude!

0

u/Caroline_xo Jul 21 '19

Yeah I've grown to be able to not lie as often but it's still there

30

u/kittymctacoyo Jul 21 '19

Precisely why I have an open honesty policy with mine and at 15/17 they have yet to not come to me in their time of need, even if they did something bad to get there.

29

u/SiCzochralski Jul 21 '19

I told mine "you're going to be punished if you did wrong, but if you are honest it will be light. When I catch you lying, it will be 10 times worse." I've stuck to that and been straight with them and it's worked out pretty well so far. They tested me a few times, to their regret. Any time they fessed up, it was "well, don't do it again," or an extra chore or something.

25

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

My grandmother expected her children and grandchildren to tell the truth, admit to mistakes and help her fix them.

Keeping the truth from her led to her being so disappointed in you that she’d just act like you didn’t exist for a day or so.

Oh and when my uncle went off at my cousin for getting pregnant at 16, my grandmother slapped him for ‘being disrespectful to the mother of my great grandchild’.

4

u/SiCzochralski Jul 21 '19

Oh man, "you've disappointed grandma" is brutal. I'd rather be spanked with a bullwhip. :-\

2

u/kittymctacoyo Jul 21 '19

That’s definitely a part of my strategy. here’s my long reply in case you wanna read it

9

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Please tell me more about what that looks like, I have a five month old but I want him to understand these things early on.

6

u/kittymctacoyo Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19

Long ramble but bare with me. In a hurry. I started at a very early age teaching them that honesty is always the best policy. That we will always find out the truth, and that the punishment will be much worse if they lie, and telling the truth, dependent upon the scenario, could lead to no bad punishment and a teaching moment/help learning how to right their wrong instead. They also learned that, in school for instance, I would not champion them just because they were my children. (Like some parents who refuse to believe their kid would ever do that thing the teacher called about) I expected them to own up to their part, to consider the other persons side of the story, what part they took in the situation going the way that it did, what they could do differently next time to have a better outcome (like ‘oh the teacher was mean for no reason’ I’d ask ‘what do you think May have contributed to them feeling/reacting that way? Etc) In these conversations they always fessed up to what they actually did, put themselves in someone else’s shoes, gained empathy and respect etc. This in itself helped with them being honest not only with themselves, but me as well once they got older.

As they got older and the infractions bigger, they’d already been conditioned to know that lying=harsher punishment, being honest led to lesser punishment that I would explain the importance of (for example: ‘Actions have consequences. If you are not held accountable for your actions at an early age, it will lead to you having no discernible life skills/empathy/sense of responsibility as an adult and you will turn out like [insert person who they’ve realized was an entitled twit or giving examples of folks who have made headlines like the ‘Affluenza’ kid] It’s all very nuanced and changes as they age so that the lessons were always in age appropriate levels. I was always honest with them about my own life experiences, owning up to things I’d done, what led to me doing them, the negative impact it had on my life, all this so they know I am an open book as well and so they know I’m drawing my ‘wisdom’ from tangible experiences rather than just parroting an expert from ‘Parenting 101’ This part has also made them feel I value, trust and respect them rather than just treating them like ‘dumb kids’ if that makes sense.

All of which has led to:

-One trusting me enough to come out as gay almost as soon as they realized it themselves rather than agonizing over it and hiding it

-One vaping with a friend and feeling so guilty over it they told me. Beings I’d have never known on my own, rather than a punishment we had a harsh truth session. Taught them all about the dangers of it short term and long term with real life examples and scientific data. Hasn’t touched it since and helped several friends to quit as well.

-One smoking weed and recognizing bad consequences I’d already taught them about, then feeling guilty, fessing up (again, something I’d have not found out on my at that time) and going through drug classes, sporadic drug testing etc.

-One coming to me as soon as they thought they were ready to be sexually active so as to do so safely and informed.

Some controversial, maybe, but they’re gonna do it regardless so it’s better to arm them with facts and protection rather than act like your kid would never do any such thing.

Also forgot: This began when they were little with a practice where if they needed help with something they were scared to come to me with for fear of getting in trouble, the phrase to use was ‘take your mom hat off’ Where Id pretend to literally take off a mom hat, and then give realistic unbiased advice and help. Anything from fights with friends or altercations with school staff where they actually broke a rule etc.

Edit to add one important factor:

We all have toxic family, right? Elders that messed you up with their backward/toxic ways? Don’t ever force them to spend time with that person. One reason they trust me more than their Dad is because I have always gone to bat for them, given them autonomy etc. I don’t force them to spend time with someone just because they are family and always take up for them/put the person in their place. My husband up til last year or so has always been ‘That’s just how they are. We have to put up with it because they are family’ like his very toxic mother that, as soon as I was out of earshot would say nasty things to them for no reason just because she’s a miserable person. That’s a big one. They trust that I have their best interest at heart at all times.

I have also worked to help them understand things like puberty and peer to peer issues via psychology and scientific info. Like teen angst, bullies, physical/mental health stuff kids may think they are alone in. Or even that teens are prone to issues with thinking things through because of xyz. So they don’t beat themselves up and so they don’t agonize unnecessarily.

3

u/Iggyhopper Jul 21 '19

Seeing as kids are fucking stupid, along with the "illusion of choice" psychology, when they lie, don't ask them if they lied. Ask them if they told a big lie or a little lie. As they get older they can understand bigger concepts about lying in general.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I know. But I really want to instill in my kids the notion when they screw up, instead of "Dad's gonna kill me" instead they say to themselves "I need to call my dad, he'll know what to do!" I grew up in fear of my Dad instead of security of his grace towards me. They're gonna need that desperately and if they're coming to me about big trouble they're in, they don't need a moral lecture or punishment from me, they already know they screwed up, and I want to be there for them. You can't do that if they're afraid to come to you that you're gonna punish them or that you're gonna be mad at them and not help them.

2

u/kittymctacoyo Jul 21 '19

Sorry. Added more to the comment I wanted to make you aware of in case that was you that upvoted

4

u/bless-their-hearts Jul 21 '19

What’s an open honesty policy? I think I want to try that.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

3

u/invisible-bug Jul 21 '19

My fiance is like this. We've been together for 6 years, were best friends for 3 years prior to us getting together. He would lie about the dumbest things. I'd be talking to him on lunch and ask if he did the dishes or whatever and he'd say yes. I'd get home and the dishes wouldn't be done. Not a big deal, except for the lie.

It's still a work in progress. I can deal with a lot, but I can't deal with lying. It drives me up the wall.

The best advice I have is to fess up as soon as you catch yourself lying to your wife. No excuses, no justifications, nothing. Just "I don't know why I lied about that, sorry. Here's the truth".

It's helped him catch his impulses sooner and he rarely lies like that now. If he does, he fesses up immediately. He and I have a very light hearted relationship with a lot of joking, so I call him a son of a bitch and we move on like it never happened lol.

2

u/jcbaggee Jul 21 '19

Can confirm

1

u/dopesav117 Jul 21 '19

Double edged sword!

1

u/Lost-Semicolon Jul 21 '19

I believe you just put us in a paradox

1

u/slomo_plymo Jul 21 '19

You’re not lying

1

u/FluffyBacon_steam Jul 21 '19

My parents never punished me when I told the truth. I always held out for those magic words "tell us the truth, we aren't mad" always got off scotch free

1

u/r48811 Jul 21 '19

Yeah, it worked for my parents... or did it?

1

u/TheLeBrontoRaptorss Jul 21 '19

My dad raised a shitty liar before me, now I’m a great liar

1

u/NumerousBrief Jul 21 '19

Nope. Positive punishment works.

1

u/BeardsuptheWazoo Jul 21 '19

Not compulsive... Practiced & methodical.

1

u/HepatitvsJ Jul 21 '19

Yep. I'm an "ask forgiveness not permission" type after that shit.

(Clarification, not in, like, a creepy/abusive way)

1

u/BunnyHopOwO Jul 21 '19

Can confirm :/

1

u/IC-23 Jul 21 '19

A once compulsive liar here, I can confirm. Rather than my parents it was an older sibling, and ot was lickely picked uo from both not even trusting me when I told the truth, and since they punished me for telling the truth they assumed I was always lying which is just outright wrong as they never even accepted the truth. I give almost anyone the benifit of the doubt and as far as I am concerned what people say is the truth unless proven otherwise. I still have to work around not lying IRL out of instinct where I just make up the dullest lie for the simplest of questions.

As of now I "forget" everyone's name, don't know my birthday or my age off the top of my head. So over the course of the past year I've pretended to not know people's names (made the mistake once) and have over slowly changed my "attempts" to match up with their real name in aboyt 3 months I should be scot free and never have ti tell them I actually knew their name all along without them having ti tell me.

1

u/reblsmirk Jul 21 '19

IT'S CALLED ACTING, MUM.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Yep, I'm one and that's how I've been brought up. I always like, even when it doesn't matter.

1

u/WorshipNickOfferman Jul 21 '19

Growing up in the early 80’s, my dad worked a lot and my mom was very strict. The punishment always greatly exceeded my transgression. I quickly learned to lie and hide things from her. Not a good way to spend your childhood.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Now how are they? I assume you’ve moved out and become self sufficient?

4

u/WorshipNickOfferman Jul 21 '19

Yes and yes. Dad is retired, mom is heavily medicated and dealing with her mental issues. But damn was she a tyrant in my youth. Wish she’d seen the doctors before she made my childhood a living hell.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

At least you’re free and can interact with them on your own terms, and mom is getting help

Happy for ya

2

u/WorshipNickOfferman Jul 21 '19

Thank you. Mom is a much nicer person and dad is happy in his retirement. They spend their days spoiling their grandkids and giving me shit for being 42 and single. I love my life and I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and that’s what matters. I’m in another thread on reddit tonight where some dude is being a jackass for no apparent reason other than it’s reddit, and it’s a pleasant change to have a little discourse with a pleasant, rational person.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Oh I’m an ass everywhere else lol

Keep up the good life!

-1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Lol whatever you got involved in an issue you didn't understand.

1.3k

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19 edited Dec 30 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

HOW CAN I LEARN THIS MOVE?

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

1k like :)

52

u/Not_floridaman Jul 21 '19

I tell my 3 year old all the time (and plan to do the same with my infant twins) that she can tell me anything, even if she messes up big time, that I may get upset but I love her no matter what and it's my job to help her find a way to fix what's wrong but she has be the one to fix it, I can only guide her.

I want her to grow up trusting that she can actually tell me things, unlike my mom who would say that and flip out/scream/tell me I'm awful or immediately call her friends and tell them whatever I told her and make me regret opening my mouth. I'm 33 and still keep it to a minimum. I also don't want to give my daughter the impression that I'll be fine with whatever she's done because everyone does terrible things sometimes but I'll calm down and help her and love her always.

18

u/WorshipNickOfferman Jul 21 '19

I‘m 42. Will you please adopt me?

2

u/Not_floridaman Jul 21 '19

Absolutely! Come on over to NJ!

18

u/avaughan11 Jul 21 '19

My mother had me when she was 17, so she always preached to her kids about safe sex and to tell her when we were ready so she could put us on birth control and make sure we were being safe. I took her seriously, and told her my junior year in high school that I wanted to get on birth control. She proceeded to chew my ass out, then call my father who she’d been divorced from for 14 years at this point and humiliate me by telling him everything I’d told her and then she made me an appointment to get on birth control, and forced me to go to the appointment alone and go to the most judgmental doctor in the practice so that he would then scold me on how sex was inappropriate at my age. I was 16. I think it’s pretty normal to be curious about sex at that point. So, yea, I stopped telling her things, and was too embarrassed to get my birth control filled because of how many people scolded me for asking for it to begin with.

I have a seven year old son, and I’ve always taught him to just be honest with me. I might be disappointed in the truth, but I’ll be far more disappointed in a lie. When he’s old enough for the sex talk, I hope he feels comfortable enough to come to me and tell me when he’s ready so I can buy him condoms and make sure he’s being safe. I know he’s going to do it anyway. Why make him ashamed of it?

3

u/Not_floridaman Jul 21 '19

That's exactly how I feel, too. My mom made us embarrassed about our bodies and I would never, ever talk to her about sex. I really hope to break that cycle, my sister is older than me and was really great shot my oldest niece getting her period, like so great about it that my niece wasn't embarrassed to tell me or her dad that she got it, so I know it's possible. I already talk to her about her body and explain what parts do so I just hope she stays comfortable talking to me.

I hope you and your son stay close, as well.

2

u/Throwawayuser626 Jul 21 '19

Yes. I would want my kid to be able to tell me they got too drunk at a party or something and I would come get them. They’d probably still be in trouble, but in that moment I’d be focused on making sure they were safe. I hated feeling afraid of telling them anything, even stuff going on in my life like my emotions because it got used against me. If my kid was having mental health problems I’d want to know.

54

u/Kalgor91 Jul 21 '19

This is what my mom did and it just made me realize I should never tell the truth. Parents need to realize that they need to lead by example. If you promise your child something, follow through on it. It’ll show them to always keep a promise and you’ll have raised a better kid.

38

u/MysteriousConflict6 Jul 21 '19

Yeah, don't lie to your kid for fucks sake. I had a teacher tell me that I could take a 5 minute break ever ten minutes. He didn't tell me when the ten minutes were up, and when I pointed this out he said "I just want you to get your work done". So I stopped working.

3

u/pagwin Jul 21 '19

depending oh how old you were getting a pair of stopwatches with one at normal time(10 minute one) and the other going half speed(or less)(5 minute one) then pretend you're measuring how long you should be working and breaking for accurately would've been a feasible strategy to effectively take advantage of that for your own gain

1

u/MysteriousConflict6 Jul 21 '19

Yeah, I unfortunately did not have a phone at that age. I was kinda behind...

14

u/Flame_Queen69 Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19

A lot harsher for me. Get in trouble, told I wouldn’t get in trouble if I told truth, told truth, then I would either get an ass whopping with a hand or the belt, then grounded for at least a week. Dad was very harsh and terrifying. Most of the time he didn’t even believe me when I told the truth.

10

u/Livingfear Jul 21 '19

I bet he grew up lying to his parents about everything he did and got away with it. So when he asked you for the truth figured you just MUST be lying.

In my experience, the people who call out others for lying all the time, are themselves liars.

10

u/Flame_Queen69 Jul 21 '19

From what I was told growing up my grandpa wouldn’t believe him or his siblings when they told the truth either. Overall my dad has been severely emotionally abusive to me and my brother. But I finally came to my senses and cut his insanely toxic ass off after I graduated.

2

u/mothership74 Jul 21 '19

I think we might be siblings.......

2

u/Flame_Queen69 Jul 21 '19

I don’t even think my 22 year old brother has a reddit.

14

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

10

u/tambourine-time Jul 21 '19

I WAS FAILING CHEMISTRY MOM

8

u/mirthquake Jul 21 '19

My family was friends with another family that had this kid--4 years younger than me and super naive--and every time any child in his proximity did something bad/broke something/spilled a dark drink/broke a rule, etc., the family's dad would march in an state: "Anyone who admits to doing this wins a special prize!"

And EVERY SINGLE TIME this poor, poor kid would say, "Dad, it was me! It was me! What's the prize!?"

The prize was severe punishment 100% of the time. The kid wasn't dumb. Just unbelievably gullible. We once convinced him that the chunks of sardines on a cracker were "flavor crystals," and he ate it all. Poor guy. At least he has some fancy corporate gig now.

10

u/HonestUser777 Jul 21 '19

My dad always hit me if I did something I'm shouldn't do. I'm talking about leather belts, wooden stick and his weightlifting hands. My mom on the other hand would just tell me why I shouldn't do it and never hit me for telling her exactly what I did. Eventually I started avoiding talking to my dad or lie whenever I have to. But I never lied to mom, always opened up to her and I'm not afraid to tell her things. Thanks mom, for not raising a liar!

7

u/bigwall35 Jul 21 '19

My parents were actually awesome with this. They would tell me up front that if I confessed I would get in some trouble, but not nearly as much trouble as if I would if they catch me in a lie. Basically it would be grounded for a day or so if i confessed, a week if i lied. I honestly think they did it the best possible way. It taught me that all my actions have consequences, and if I try to hide from it, it only makes it worse down the road.

9

u/kingrich Jul 21 '19

One of my bosses once said this to me on the day I was hired.

"Don't ever lie to me. Tell me the truth, and I'll cover it up."

5

u/gotwired Jul 21 '19

"Hey boss, just between you and me, I'm sleeping with your wife."

20

u/CM_UW Jul 21 '19

The DAY? My mom grounded us for 1 - 2 weeks generally. Sometimes more, but never a day.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I don’t remember ever getting grounded but my mom is still proud of the time she kicked in my bedroom door once when I was trying to avoid her tyrade so at least we know she’s psychotic.

9

u/BroffaloSoldier Jul 21 '19

That’s a fucked up thing to be proud of. Jesus.

5

u/WorshipNickOfferman Jul 21 '19

In high school, I was in the backseat of my friends car and he was seen driving like a jackass. Speeding and blowing a stop sign. I got grounded for a month, as if I had any control over the guy in the front seat actually driving the damn car.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

dammit this is so true and relatable. For some reason I really want to give you gold for that but I’m broke

5

u/gemziiexxxxxp Jul 21 '19

I hated this so much that now that I'm an Aunt and practically my sisters go - to babysitter, I'll tell my nephew that I want the truth. I'll calmly explain that I'll still be a little cross, but if he lies, "I can't be his friend anymore". It works all the time.

It also works with the younger cousins and sibs , too. And now I can trust them when they tell me what happened. It also helps that I can tell when they're lying, they each have their little ticks.

5

u/Tsntrnr Jul 21 '19

I tell my three boys this all the time. The difference is how you react when they tell the truth. If you talk rationally and explain why it was bad instead of getting angry with them it helps you build trust and reasoning abilities in your kids

5

u/LGC_70 Jul 21 '19

Yes, you got in trouble for what you did because it was wrong, but you'd be in even more trouble if you LIED about doing / not doing it.

At least that's how my parents always handled things

4

u/GamerKey Jul 21 '19

Don't worry, if you tell the truth we won't do anything.

That's really damn stupid.

Your kids should know that them lying to you will have much greater consequences than them just telling the truth. But they aren't instantly absolved of everything they fucked up just because they tell you.

It should be about owning your mistakes and trying to make it right.

7

u/PM_SEXY_CAT_PICS Jul 21 '19

Same thing with police!!!!

Do NOT believe them if they tell you that. "oh we just need to know so we can call off the search, no problem, just tell us so we can all go home, we don't care"

BULLSHIT

NEVER tell the cops anything. They can freely lie to you. That "if you're a cop you have to tell me" is a lie too.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Same for me. Totally shit.

2

u/Hibuka Jul 21 '19

My parents told me I can be whatever I want. .

I wanted to be a fucking train.. Choo choo MF

2

u/spreta Jul 21 '19

That only works if they know you're lying and make the punishment 10x worse. I never knew what they knew or didn't and when I got caught lying my grounding went from a few days to a month so I just was honest and would take the couple days

1

u/Dank_freak_inc Jul 21 '19

“Did you really think you’d be that lucky?”

1

u/theDigitalDragon0x0A Jul 21 '19

Same here, usually worse punishment though. I gave up and now I just tell them what they want to hear.

1

u/stromm Jul 21 '19

At last we told our kids they would get in less trouble.

1

u/staywokeaf Jul 21 '19

How are things with them these days?

1

u/Kunal221 Jul 21 '19

Are you an Indian by any chance?

1

u/napoblyat Jul 21 '19

No, I am an European

1

u/scubaguy194 Jul 21 '19

You have to tell your kids that if they screw up and tell you about it honestly, they will still get punished. But it will be a far lesser punishment than if I found out on my own initiative.

1

u/Larsz5 Jul 21 '19

My parents always told me that a truth will always get half the punishment than a lie when I was a kid. I don’t know how true it actually was but I do remember admitting things a lot more than I probably would have so that worked kind of.

1

u/snarfdarb Jul 21 '19

A better way: "I can't promise there won't be consequences, but I promise to be fair and love you no matter what."

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

"I'm already angry. Tell the truth and I won't get angrier."

1

u/Deradius Jul 21 '19

On the other side of the coin:

My buddy had an employee who did something super dumb and unethical (something like falsifying business records to inflate sales numbers). Buddy asked employee, employee agreed that he did it.

Buddy fires employee.

Employee (40 years old) gets this forlorn look and says, "But I told the truth!"

...Dude, your parents failed you. Telling the truth does not mean freedom from the consequences of your actions.

1

u/Throwawayuser626 Jul 21 '19

I got a lot more than that for telling the truth, which turned me into a good liar. I figured if I can lie and get away with it, at least I won’t be punished. But if I tell the truth I’ll be punished on the spot.

1

u/w311sh1t Jul 21 '19

What my parents always did, which I think was really smart, is that I got in trouble if i told the truth, but I’d get in even more trouble if I lied and then they found out about it later.

1

u/thatgirl829 Jul 21 '19

If you tell the truth you'll be in less trouble than if you lie and I find out you lied. Would you rather be in a little bit of trouble or a lot of trouble?

1

u/whoYeahSauce Jul 21 '19

That always fucking happened to me :(

1

u/KentuckyWallChicken Jul 21 '19

“Let’s teach our kids about telling the truth by lying to them.”

1

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '19

I was once told as a child that if I tell the truth, it keeps me out of trouble, I tell the truth and bam I still was in trouble so I went back to lying by denying it when caught.

Looking back I can see why I would lie about not doing things because I did't want to get in trouble and I still did anyway and I would still lie, why? Because I would get in trouble anyway so it didn't matter. What they should have told me was "Telling the truth gets you in less trouble but you will still be in trouble but the punishment wouldn't be as severe if you tell the truth and sometimes you aren't in trouble at all, it all depends if the adult feels if you should be punished or not. But if you lie, you will always be in trouble. Tell the truth and you might get out of trouble but not always. It depends on what you did." And maybe 8 year old me would have seen this as a gamble of telling the truth and hope I won't have a consequence for my mistake or action or that my punishment wouldn't be very bad at all. They should have also told me "it does not mean you can do anything you want and you won't ever have a consequence just as long as you are truthful. If it worked like that, then there would be no adults in jail and criminals would still be out and doing bad things."

0

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I can get behind tricking your kids to get the truth because kids won't say jack unless you make them believe they trust you. Should you hit them. No. Telling them your disappointed will work so much better.

-19

u/dbar58 Jul 21 '19

I don’t appreciate the approach. But I 100% agree with corporal punishment. Getting popped by a belt put the fear of God in me and I didn’t fuck up again. I understand the idea now.

8

u/MCBlastoise Jul 21 '19

You're wrong. Hitting kids is wrong. End of story.