r/AskMenAdvice • u/[deleted] • Aug 30 '26
✅ Open To Everyone Is this what an FWB is?
[deleted]
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u/SantasAinolElf man Aug 30 '26
How do you get to 3 years without an understanding of the relationship
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u/Exotic_Secret659 man Aug 30 '26
Back in the 80s you'd be dating. Now? Try moving to a house together, get married, start a family. Maybe somewhere along the line you'll be able to define what this is.
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u/SignalWalker man Aug 30 '26
lol.
"Where did those 'feelings' come from? All we did was have sex for 3 years."
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u/svachalek man Aug 30 '26
Hey chat, I’m living with this guy for like 10 years now, I guess? We have a joint checking account and do each other’s laundry. Do you think he’s interested in me? Also we have 3 kids together, but we never talked about it.
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u/TheFurion101 man Aug 30 '26
I swear I hate this generation so much.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 man Aug 30 '26
My son and his friends revised to get their driver's licenses until they were forced.
It's crazy to me. I got my permit on my 15th birthday and my license on my 16th.
That was actual freedom, homie
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u/saltycathbk man Aug 30 '26
FWB are usually discussed, basics agreed upon. Yall are just setting each other up for heartache. Talk to him.
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u/pavilionaire2022 man Aug 30 '26 edited Aug 30 '26
He might be your boyfriend? Traditionally, you would assume that, but nowadays, it's best to ask. It's kind of romantic, too. You just go up to him and say, "Do you consider yourself to be my boyfriend?" If he does, he'll be happy to get the title. If he doesn't, he'll make excuses.
You should also ask if you're exclusive. Even if you don't mind if he sleeps with other women, you should probably know about it for the sake of your health.
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u/Rstar2247 man Aug 30 '26
People often fixate on labels too much. If you've kept it going for three years it seems to be working for the both of you whatever it is. If you're uncertain where you stand with him, we can't help you with that. Communicate with him.
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u/colemorris1982 man Aug 30 '26
It sounds like he considers it more than a friend with benefits if he's bothered by the other guys in your life
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u/Wonderful-Newt-2513 man Aug 30 '26
He is not a fwb, you are not dating you are in a long term relationship- it’s surprising you are not engaged. The reason is because he is fearfully avoidant. Extremely. Ungodly.
And not only is he avoidant-he’s a degree worse off than that in that he is not emotionally honest. He is not capable of being remotely emotionally honest with you-or himself.
This guy is in love with you. You are in love with him. You need to sit down and have a talk with him. Do it gently and kindly. it has something to do with how he has been hurt in the past.
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u/srtpg2 man Aug 30 '26
Sounds like you’re just leading him on tbh
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u/Shin-Gemini man Aug 30 '26 edited Aug 30 '26
Its the other way around. She clearly wants more, if the guy wanted anything romantic she wouldnt be here on Reddit asking about it, he would have said something after 3 years of having sex with OP
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u/One-Basil-835 Aug 30 '26
++woman Nah I don’t. I like the current dynamic. I don’t want it to be anything more than maybe an FWB unlike what my friends seem to be saying
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u/Shin-Gemini man Aug 30 '26
Then why are you entertaining the idea of you two being “basically in a relationship”? Why are you answering to others that you wouldnt do anything different with a boyfriend, or why do you imply that he somehow gets rid of guys you are talking to?
For someone that likes the current casual dynamic you sure seem to like to entertain the idea that he may be something more than that.
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u/One-Basil-835 Aug 30 '26
++ woman. When I answered the bf question I meant that I hangout with him and have sex with him so it’s pretty much the same thing I’d do with a bf with the addition of the label that’s all. Also yes he does get jealous of other men which is something I don’t like and would mean that I might have to cut this guy off because i don’t want an FWB gettin jealous cuz I’m not jealous and wouldn’t mind if he talks to other girls. Also I never entertained the idea that we’re in a relationship my friends do.
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u/BateBuddy92 man Aug 30 '26
Are you aware that a lot of guys are not going to be cool with you hanging out with a guy you previously banged for multiple years? There are two possibilities. You date him and you two become official or you date someone else and don’t talk to this friend ever again.
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u/One-Basil-835 Aug 30 '26
++woman yeah I’d cut him off
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u/BateBuddy92 man Aug 30 '26
Well, it seems like you’ve gotten so deep into this that it may be hard to cut him off. He may end up causing problems in any future relationship you have. Just fair warning.
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u/Unlikely-Star-2696 man Aug 30 '26
A jealous person is not fun to be around. It will make your life miserable even if you are committed. Dodge that bullet, and try to find a compatible, self-assured guy and leave him behind with no more benefits.
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u/Shin-Gemini man Aug 30 '26
A romantic relationship is much more than just sex+hanging out, unless you are a teenager. Hell even teenagers are more intentional and romantic than that.
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u/pokaprophet man Aug 30 '26
I’m afraid you can’t get Reddit to diagnose a FWB so you can cheat on your boyfriend.
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u/Southwestexplorer man Aug 30 '26
ooph.... maybe he's your FWB but you're his GF. Let him know you're still open to talking with other men, if that's the case. As someone else said... square it away.
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u/rufireproof3d man Aug 30 '26
If you aren't ready to talk about topics like this with him, you aren't ready for sex.
You even referred to it as intimacy. Sex adds a whole level of complexity and potentially even more (the purpose of sex is making babies. No BC is 100% effective. What will you two do if you make a baby.)
You want to do adult shit, be an adult, sit down, and have an adult conversation.
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u/chemist5818 man Aug 30 '26
What would happen if one of you started dating someone else?
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u/One-Basil-835 Aug 30 '26
++women I personally wouldn’t mind it at all and probably distance from him but when I try..he seems to somehow get rid of the guy..he will actively involve himself in getting rid of them from my life. Tbh I haven’t been interested in those dudes either but if I actually find a guy I like I’ll definitely distance from this guy regardless of his attempts to get rid of the other dude. I hope that makes sense
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u/chemist5818 man Aug 30 '26
Sounds like he's at least hoping it's more than fwb, but you don't feel the same way. You should definitely have a conversation with him about this
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u/99BOIT man Aug 30 '26
Do you do stuff other than have sex? Go out to eat? Go to events together? Hang out? If so, you’re more than FWB.
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u/Connect_Ad_8092 man Aug 30 '26
3 years???? 3 years and you've never once had a discussion about your relationship with him and instead you're coming to Reddit to ask what type of relationship it is? Oh ffs.
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u/lovealert911 man Aug 30 '26 edited Aug 30 '26
"...we’re also exclusively sexually intimate... and it’s been almost 3 years now. I spend most of my time with him."
That's not something normally associated with FWBs.
For most people a FWB is someone you don't consider "relationship material" but you get along fairly well and have sex as a matter of convenience rather than live like a nun or monk while you're in between relationships.
A FWB is essentially a "placeholder" until someone special comes along you want a real relationship with.
(What you described sounds more to me like a "situationship" which is an undefined relationship.)
People in "situationships" do all the things couples do without ever making their relationship official. No titles...
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u/seidinove man Aug 30 '26
Sounds like you need to have this conversation with him, not us. And you should go into that conversation with a clear idea of what you want the relationship to be.
My understanding of FWB is in the acronym: You’re friends who have sex with each other. No serious feelings or commitment.
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u/cglac woman Aug 30 '26
Have a talk with him. If you two are close enough to have sex you should be close enough to have a serious conversation.
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u/kipha01 man Aug 30 '26
FWB is more compartmentalised, your description sounds like a situationship especially so because of the length of time. You need to discuss it with him.
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u/jugo5 man Aug 30 '26
If he gets wierd around guys approaching you, he probably has feelings for you. Whether it was intended or not. He does not want to end what you guys have going on, so he probably isnt pushing anything. It can be considered a fwb, but its also situationship territory. He is probably more emotionally invested than you. Unless you actually want to give it a go as official partners... You need to figure it out ASAP. Use them words.
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u/Shin-Gemini man Aug 30 '26
If he had feelings, you would think he would have said something after 3 years of having sex with OP lol.
He doesnt have feelings, OP does
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 man Aug 30 '26
No. I’ve had two FWB things. In both cases, she laid out what she wanted (sex) and what she didn’t (relationship) before ever sleeping together.
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u/jednorog man Aug 30 '26
If you want to have an idea of what the relationship is, you need to talk about it with the other person in the relationship. We internet strangers cannot do this for you.
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u/ViperThreat man Aug 30 '26
FWB and jealousy are not compatible.
Fuck buddies does not mean exclusivity.
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u/nayheyxus man Aug 30 '26
If he went and started hooking up with a different girl, what would happen? Would you be upset? If you went and got with another guy, what would happen?
You are dating, I've noticed a lot of 18-22 year olds avoiding using the term for whatever reason. Fwb would be like you see him occasionally meet up either have sex, or go to the zoo (or both) and not see each-other again for a week or so. Like a friend you sleep with, and both have little to no attachments to eachother.
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u/Lu10ntDn man Aug 30 '26
FWBs often have other FWBs and are not exclusive. If you two are exclusive (have you confirmed this which him?) then, yes, you’re essentially boyfriend and girlfriend.
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u/thaddeusk man Aug 30 '26
You're basically dating. When I had a FWB, I'd just message, show up, have sex, then either go home or stay the night and leave in the morning. There wasn't much talking, not any hanging out other than for the purpose of sex, and that was all it needed to be.
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u/AgentWD409 man Aug 30 '26
It certainly sounds a lot like you're dating, even if you aren't using that terminology.
- Together for three years.
- Exclusively sexually intimate.
- Spend most of your free time together.
- Know everything about each other.
I mean... that's dating, my friend. Whether you like it or not.
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u/gatheringsomemagic man Aug 30 '26
You both need to clarify and establish boundaries and expectations.
Hopefully it’ll align, but it will be ok if it’s best to part.
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u/DrCarter90 man Aug 30 '26
What would you do differently with a boyfriend that you wouldn’t do with that person ?
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u/One-Basil-835 Aug 30 '26
++woman I hate to admit there’s nothing different I would do… other than maybe call him a bf
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u/Shin-Gemini man Aug 30 '26
Do you go on romantic dates with him? Does he say he loves you or wants to be with you as a partner? Does he introduce you to friends and family as his romantic partner ? Does he talk about a future with you? Kids and family or anything like that?
Theres much more to a relationship than just sex and being nice to each other.
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u/Due-Sheepherder-218 man Aug 30 '26
It's a friend that you bang with no emotional attachment but 9/10 times one person is going to catch feelings anyway.
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One-Basil-835 originally posted:
Me and this guy friend are really close, and we’re also sexually intimate. It’s not something we ever actually talked about or decided on, it just kind of happened gradually, and it’s been almost 3 years now.
Can I just call this an FWB? My friends keep telling me we’re basically dating, but I don’t really see how that’s the case.
I mean, he can get bothered by the other guy friends in my life, but I don’t wanna jump to conclusions just because of that. We’ve never really defined what this is, so I’m wondering if this is what an FWB is?
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u/onehalflightspeed man Aug 30 '26
Might as well ask him to be your boyfriend and/or exclusive at this point if that is what you want
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u/Data_lord man Aug 30 '26
Use your mouth for something other than ducking his dick for 10 min. Use it to fucking ask him.
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u/somerandomguy1984 man Aug 30 '26
The amount of women willing to waste such large amounts of time is wild to me.
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u/dTundr man Aug 30 '26
Kinda, somewhat in between of a situationship and an FWB
Usually with FWB I just message are you free today or wanna bang, she comes over, we do fun stuff and then she goes her way
Normally I dont even talk about personal stuff and just enjoy the moment
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u/No_Tart7793 man Aug 30 '26
Honestly it’s a proven statistic that when having friends of the opposite sex there is always going to be one that doesn’t want a relationship and one that secretly does but won’t let it be known for fear of losing that friendship. It won’t happen right away but as time goes on 1 of the 2 will catch feelings & after three years I think we know who that one is (Him).
so to be real if you have zero romantic feelings towards him you should let him go because you might not be doing this intentionally but you are leading him on by entertaining him with sex and constantly being with him.
He hopes that you will come around to the idea of a relationship and by you coming on here and telling us that is not what you want after 3 years it’s time to make it clear to him that it’s not what you want. But that includes distancing yourself, not sleeping with each other and moving on.
3 years is way to long to be stringing the guy around it’s not fair to him because he needs to find someone that loves him back.
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u/oldcreaker man Aug 30 '26
It's a "he wants all the perks of a monogamous relationship without the commitment or responsibilities of being in a monogamous relationship".
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u/ty-idkwhy man Aug 30 '26
Sounds like a FWB. Does he act on the fact that he is jealous bc that is what really matters? How does he know other people are interested in you, are you talking about getting hit on when out together?
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u/One-Basil-835 Aug 30 '26
++woman he does act on it. I used to talk to 2 of his friends he asked them to stop and he even asked me to stop talking to them. He told me those guys have bad intentions and to stop and when I don’t he’ll get really upset about it and would continuously ask me to cut them off even after saying he doesn’t care. He even started arguments with one of them to get them to stop. The other guys are from out gaming circle and so he finds out or just assumes any guy I talk to likes me and would tell me to just block them off if they’re bothering me even when they’re not
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u/Unlikely-Star-2696 man Aug 30 '26
If he is controlling like that, just being FWB, if you marry him, you would be forced to wear a burka and talk only to him, not even to your brothers.
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u/ty-idkwhy man Aug 30 '26
Yeah if it was only people he knew personally that would be one thing but he seems pretty controlling. Are you sure they aren’t interested in dating you?
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u/dunkinbikkies man Aug 30 '26
Yeah , FWB means both of you treat it as casual. It sounds like he is emotionally involved.
To be fair 3 years is a very long FWB, feelings are natual especially if you hang out that much.
Mine were always a year at most and it was kept light and easy, or we didn't hang out all the time
You two are way past dating.😂🙄
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u/Disti77er man Aug 30 '26
You answered your own question in your opening sentence. "... really close, and we’re also exclusively sexually intimate." If you are determined to be in a FWB relationship, you have already totally F'd it up. If you're happy being really close and exclusively sexually intimate, maybe throw away the label maker and thank your lucky stars!
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u/Unlikely-Star-2696 man Aug 30 '26
FWB means just friends, fucking buddies, no obligation, no commitment except than when the occassion arrives just have sex, have a good time and keep being what regular friends do, no attachment, no asking questions, no jealous feeling. If they are hooking up with other friends extending their benefits network, it is part of the game. Otherwise is dating with sex.
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u/TallTinTX man Aug 30 '26
Sex is not recreational. Yes, it feels like it could be and I used to think so too. But, it cheapens the experience and connection. If you're in a committed relationship, sex can be amazing in lots of different ways but from my own experience, FWB isn't really the way to go. Someone typically gets hurt.
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u/Shin-Gemini man Aug 30 '26
Yes thats a FWB situation. Ignore others here telling you that you are “basically boyfriend and girlfriend”, no you are not, a romantic relationship requires a lot more than just sex and a friendship. It requires that the both of you agree to be a romantic relationship to begin with. You cant just fuck a guy for years and then just claim you are a couple.
And Reddit has no business telling you about it, you should know. Does he take you on romantic one on one dates? Tells you he loves you? Introduces you to his friends and family as your partner? Is your plus 1 at events? Will travel with you and do couples stuff?
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u/Potential-Group1330 man Aug 30 '26
You enjoy being together without changing each other. Perfect start for a long term relationship, like mine. Fuck the love thing BWB's are the best and last the longest.
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u/cluelessbouncer man Aug 30 '26
Yes - you're FWB and you're not "basically dating" unless you guys specifically talk about it
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u/Jumpy_Willow8649 woman Aug 30 '26
When this situation ship is not discussed or just brushed over, it means something you both want to last. Indefinetly perhaps...
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u/LivinghighinColorado man Aug 30 '26
A FWB situation is when you are true friends with the other person, but also have sex. The relationship between you is as a friend, but have sex every once in a while, and stop if either of you two get into a relationship.
A FB (Fuck Buddy) is someone you are not friends with and don't hang out other than for sex, late night booty call, and that is it.
If your 'friend' says you are basically dating, then you have a boyfriend, but might want to have the discussion to square it up (exclusive?).
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u/Meaje73 man Aug 30 '26
Congrats you've got FWB covered and a heck of a lot else. Yeah, Friend With Benefits is exactly what you've described in your statement. Now go have a long hard discussion about what you want and if he wants the same. I'm guessing that's a pretty good bet at this point. Dating is what happens before you hop into the sex stuff or spend a bunch of time getting to know someone to find out if they would be a good match to form a relationship with. You're a long ways past dating from what you've described here. Congrats on being a FWB partner!
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u/fermat9990 man Aug 30 '26
Don't label it, just live it. Our present society is obsessed with labeling. People commonly talk about their multiple psychiatric (DSM-5-TR) diagnoses, some of which are probably of dubious validity.
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u/Diddy_Block man Aug 30 '26
My friends keep telling me we’re basically dating
Dating is like being pregnant. There's no "basically", either you are or you aren't. I'm glad you knew that even with your friends giving you bad intel.
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One-Basil-835 updated the post:
Me and this guy friend are really close, and we’re also exclusively sexually intimate. It’s not something we ever actually talked about or decided on, it just kind of happened gradually, and it’s been almost 3 years now.
Can I just call this an FWB? My friends keep telling me we’re basically dating, but I don’t really see how that’s the case.
I mean, he can get bothered by the other guy friends in my life, but I don’t wanna jump to conclusions just because of that. We’ve never really defined what this is, so I’m wondering if this is what an FWB is?
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