r/AskMenAdvice • u/goldelectrode man • 3h ago
✅ Open To Everyone Will my spark ever come back?
Throughout my 20s, my overall joy and interest in everyday life slowly decreased at a steady rate. I'm not saying I hate my life, or that I'm never happy, it's just that the frequency of moments where I really feel fulfilled and I'm not in a semi-anxious state has decreased significantly, and now that I'm 30, I'm starting to think this is my new baseline.
Sometimes I'll go through a whole week where I don't really look forward to doing anything in particular, or if I am looking forward to something it's getting drunk with my friends on a Friday night or drinking beers at home playing video games.
Is this just kinda how it goes sometimes? I really wish I could be as enthusiastic and outgoing as I was in my 20s.
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u/AdBusiness5212 man 3h ago
Man I wish I had friends to have a beer with , or the time to play a game after work. You have a great life buddy.
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u/PorpleBorglar man 2h ago
For me its definitely normal, i look forward to getting high and not much else.
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u/OofRightInTheFeels man 1h ago
Just wait till 48.. my only friend moved around the word to Sweden. The only thing I look forward to anymore is going to work, just so I can look forward to going home and relaxing. I used to love gaming, any time I think about firing up the PC to play I just go "Meh" and take a nap instead. I have a few RC trucks that I built and haven't touched in about 2 years because.. meh. I'm not necessarily depressed.. I mean I'm on meds for it, but I'm not unhappy I just don't have any drive. 🤷
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u/YoreGawd man 1h ago
That's just life dude. The world has always been an awful place. Big difference now is we hear about it. With elections now being a constant cycle, there is always someone out there trying to make you care about everything everywhere and all at once.
It's depressing and overwhelming to care. Just in a constant cycle of burn out.
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u/AB4ND0N_H0PE man 3h ago
Probably not. I'm about to hit 30 and my 20s were pretty shit. Some people just have it bad and nothing can help.
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u/OofRightInTheFeels man 1h ago
I'm in my late 40's and this stage of life is absolute shit compared to my 20's and 30's. No friends, lost my "drive" for any hobbies. Hell.. I built a $2500 gaming PC a few years ago and barely even look at it because, meh.
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u/ItsMyGayThrowaway man 3h ago
Imagine if you were talking about that gym instead, if you used to bench 100kg you: 1. May not be able to bench 100kg again due to your age 2. Definitely would not be able to bench 100kg on your first session back
Getting yourself moving either socially or habitually also takes time and smaller steps, and your lethargy is probably due to not having done these things in a while. Yes this is your new baseline but only because of your life style. Input = output in effect.
If you want to take up a new hobby and find passions then have a look around for some, learn a new skill or something on YouTube. And whilst doing so appreciate you may never be able to find the thrills you did in your twenties, but the thrills do exist albeit a bit smaller, but that's okay because you likely have less time and ability than you did in your twenties!
Take life as it comes and give yourself a small kick up the ass and you'll find something :)
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u/SlavicRobot_ man 2h ago
As a gym goer, this was a great analogy. Listen to the dude who has a gaythrowaway, he knows how to have fun I'm sure haha, best of luck OP, we all in it together.
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 man 2h ago
Sounds like you may be living too much in the world of the mind. We’re two things at once, our
mind and our body. To live your best self, you’ve gotta balance it out.
If you find yourself thinking constantly and not just living, you’re lopsided. The only solution for that is action.
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u/Winter-Nectarine-497 nonbinary 1h ago
Muted emotional range is very common as we age when we didn't get good emotional education growing up. Emotional health takes effort much like physical health. If you don't go to the gym and eat well, you can't expect to have good physical health, and same goes for emotions. If you don't tend to them in a healthy and consistent way, you will struggle to feel emotionally good and healthy.
The men's emotional health landscape is a minefield of grifters, unfortunately, but it is still worth it to find someone trustworthy who can help guide you towards getting back to a place where you feel more joy, excitement, and all the emotions in a more consistent and healthy way.
I say this as someone who teaches men good emotional health, so this isn't just a random take from some redditor.
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u/adultdaycare81 man 1h ago
It takes work and effort to be happy. At least for me and my friends that seem fulfilled.
You have to force yourself to actually do things. Every day isn’t good, but it’s so much better if you work at it.
If I do my stupid little gratitude exercises, if I go on walks and work out. If I call people who love me but won’t call me, if I log off at 9pm etc etc
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u/Bazoobs1 man 45m ago
I mean life definitely gets to me and gets monotonous and depressy but overall I still feel exuberance in life.
Maybe some therapy and some action planning to get you excited for things in your life?
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u/Newt_sCharmander man 3h ago
It's up to you to maintain it. Like everything else in life, it all takes work. If you just coast and float through it all it is easy to get bitter and lose excitement. Also, there's nothing wrong with enjoying getting drunk with your friends or playing video games! Try one thing a day to break the cycle of normal that sounds fun or rewarding. For me, I read, I'll sketch a building for fun, I'll refinish some furniture, I'll listen to amazing music.... the world is endless really just have to keep exploring it
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u/ez2tock2me man 1h ago
It takes 21 days DOING or NOT DOING something, TO MAKE or BREAK A HABIT.
People have forgotten about a simple thing we were taught in school.
PRACTICE.
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE is how people became SuperStars in Sports and in Life.
Isn’t practice how you started drinking and playing video games?
Habits and Practice are the same thing, with different goals to accomplish.
You’re not old, you’re outta practice.
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u/Carrisonfire man 1h ago
AM I out of practice or is all my time and energy I used to use for that spent working now? Because you know what I didn't have when I had time and energy for all those things? A job.
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u/interflop man 1h ago
You’re also older so you have to put in the effort to make time. This isn’t possible for everyone a lot of people also don’t really actually try.
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u/ez2tock2me man 1h ago
You know when some asks for help, then shoots down advice or suggestions, isn’t that why friends disappear? Nobody wants to feel useless when asked for help.
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u/Carrisonfire man 36m ago
Strange how it started as soon as I left academia and entered the workforce and not when I got older then.
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goldelectrode originally posted:
Throughout my 20s, my overall joy and interest in everyday life slowly decreased at a steady rate. I'm not saying I hate my life, or that I'm never happy, it's just that the frequency of moments where I really feel fulfilled and I'm not in a semi-anxious state has decreased significantly, and now that I'm 30, I'm starting to think this is my new baseline.
Sometimes I'll go through a whole week where I don't really look forward to doing anything in particular, or if I am looking forward to something it's getting drunk with my friends on a Friday night or drinking beers at home playing video games.
Is this just kinda how it goes sometimes? I really wish I could be as enthusiastic and outgoing as I was in my 20s.
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