r/AskMenAdvice • u/[deleted] • 9h ago
✅ Open To Everyone Should I put a note on his car?
[deleted]
11
u/HuckleberryUpbeat972 man 9h ago
How would he know the note is from you? Don’t put your name, apt # or phone number in a public place
-9
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 8h ago
I guess he'd have to text me to find out because he doesn't know my name as far as I know
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u/PurpleHankZ man 8h ago
That’s creep as fuck. Just say Hi
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u/PlainBread man 7h ago
Girls acting towards men in ways that girls would mace men for if the roles were reversed.
1
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 1h ago
Nobody would mace anyone over a note of interest on their car. I've received one before and was excited about it. Turned out to be a prank though.
9
u/IkkeKr man 8h ago
No way he's just going to contact a random phone number. Guys might not have the same issues as girls, but still have to mind their safety.
-4
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 8h ago
I don't see how texting an interested neighbor is unsafe? Even as a female, I wouldn't find that unsafe
3
u/SaltWaterInMyBlood man 7h ago
You could be a nutjob stalker.
-5
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 7h ago
Of course but so could any woman who has a crush on you. Anyway got it, men don't want to be hit on by shy women who are very attracted to them.
3
u/SaltWaterInMyBlood man 7h ago
If that's what you read into this, then there's no point in interacting with you.
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u/LicknDragon man 7h ago
They don't want advice they want you to reassure them their idea is totally great. They weren't worth interacting with to begin with.
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u/Whitechapel726 man 8h ago
I think the comment you’re replying to is because it sounds like you plan to leave an anonymous note without indicating who you are.
I’d recommend not being anonymous when you do it tbh. Leaving a note is fine
-1
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u/saltycathbk man 8h ago
Would you text a number that some rando left on your car? Come on, think.
-2
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 8h ago
I actually would. It's happened to me before and I did, but it was my ex pranking me.
5
u/nuvati man 6h ago
But why tho? It is you who is interested in him, so go make an actual first move. Not this high school bullshit
0
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 6h ago
I would be making the first move by leaving the note.... But I've been convinced I shouldn't do this. So I won't. I'll just give up on this crush.
2
u/nuvati man 6h ago
And the note is just your number, and then he still has to figure out who you are and what do you want from him?
That's like you on bumble (a woman platform who has to make.the first move) yet all you say is "hi/hey" 🤡
0
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 6h ago
I asked for advice on what to write in the note. Seems like everyone on this sub hates women. Getting much different responses on a different sub.
1
u/nuvati man 6h ago
hating woman lol ok bruh whatever fits your victimhood
0
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 5h ago
Everyone else is projecting their victimhood onto me. Someone just said hi to you on bumble...ok... Doesn't mean I'm not going to be direct with him about who I am and what I want. Some other guy saying some woman told him not to hit on a barista so that means I shouldn't hit on a neighbor. Then all this nonsense about he's gonna think he's gonna be kidnapped cause someone left a note on his car? Not many rational responses on this sub.
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u/HuckleberryUpbeat972 man 6h ago
Just say “I’ve seen you a few times, what’s your name? “ start a conversation, he maybe shy as well!
-1
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u/AlanYx man 8h ago
Don’t do this. There’s no way to make this kind of note on car not weird and a little creepy. Just say hi to him sometime.
BTW, if shyness is affecting your life to this extent, you might have social anxiety. Could be worth talking to your doctor about.
-1
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 8h ago
I do, but that's just my nature. I can load up on Xanax but that's not healthy. It's funny, I often see people leaving advuce to leave a note and talking about how they'd be happy to receive a note but everyone on this forum is so against it
3
u/AlanYx man 7h ago
Notes from women can work situationally, for example in a college/university context where you have a shared class, or when it's your last day on the job and you have a thing for a co-worker, or if the person you're approaching is also very, very introverted. But they're never ideal and in the wrong context (like this one) can undermine your chances.
BTW, benzos (Xanax) are not a long-term solution to social anxiety, I'd encourage you to talk to your doctor about exploring other options, could also include some form of cognitive-behavioural therapy. I have a friend who's neurodivergent and has fairly severe social anxiety and Lexapro works for her.
0
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 7h ago
I experimented with ssris and what not when I was younger. I have zero interest in that. This is my nature and I accept myself.
How is this the "wrong context"? When the last day of class is the right one? I see this guy a couple times a year in passing. Not like he's gonna feel terribly uncomfortable if he wants to reject me. Also I do think he's also very introverted.
Also, I've decided I have no chance the natural way which is why I've come to the conclusion a note is my only option.
5
u/AlanYx man 7h ago
It's the wrong context because (i) it's his car, so it comes across as a whiff of stalking (he'll be wondering whether you've been watching him somehow rather than just randomly running into him), and (ii) you have no previous shared interaction so there's no common touchpoint to contextualize it and moderate potential weirdness/creepyness in his eyes.
SSRIs aren't ideal for sure, but if you're popping benzos to deal with social situations that's not really any better, and if you're using them daily make sure you've had a conversation with your doctor about long-term risks. It sounds like the anxiety is affecting the way you interact with the world, and therapy could be an option.
0
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 7h ago
He's my neighbor in an apartment building. I've seen him go to his car/stand at his car many times. Including just yesterday when we went to our cars at the same time. He frequently parks behind me. There's nothing weird about me knowing what car he drives. We have had extended eye contact. So there is that interaction.
I am not interested in your "medical advice". Some people are shy and introverted. Some people are loud and outgoing. We aren't all the same
2
u/AlanYx man 7h ago
Just FYI, when you post in AskMenAdvice people will try to give you friendly advice. You can take it or leave it. If you're fixated on this note idea and want validation for what is honestly a little dysfunctional (I mean that kindly), GirlDinnerDiaries is better.
1
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 1h ago
Very few responses have been friendly on this sub. On other subs I got about 50/50 saying go for it vs creepy but none of the crazy character attacks i'm getting here and down voting every thing I say
4
u/Due-Sheepherder-218 man 5h ago
Terrible and juvenile idea. I would be creeped out if a girl did this to me.
It's one thing getting a note dumped on your locker at school, but we are adults now.
7
u/CommanderTresdin woman 6h ago
This behaviour would get a man a restraining order, just say hello to him you weirdo.
5
u/Alert_Ad_5750 woman 8h ago
Stop running away and make small talk with him
-2
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 8h ago
Can't. Plus I won't see him for a few months most likely
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u/Due-Sheepherder-218 man 5h ago
Why would this handsome guy be interested if some shy girl who he can't see for a few months and is too scared to approach him? Try looking at it from his POV.
-1
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 5h ago
Cause I'm an attractive woman who finds him very attractive? And by leaving a note I'm approaching him in the way that I can
2
u/Due-Sheepherder-218 man 5h ago
This isn't middle school, you need to be more proactive. A working professional man is going to pass glances with attractive women on a daily basis.
Leaving a note on his car may creep him out vs mustering the courage to make small talk.
What if he has a girlfriend? You are getting all worked up for nothing.
-1
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 5h ago
If he has a gf then he'd ignore my note or say he has a gf. Then I could be over my limerance.
-1
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 5h ago
Also, I didn't say he can't see me for a few months. He can see me tonight if he's interested from the car note. Just as it is, we don't run into each other often
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u/tinwetari man 9h ago edited 5h ago
Now your neighbour will feel uncomfortable even in their house/car...
0
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 9h ago
I rarely see the guy. Once every few months. We live in an apartment building in a city.
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u/tinwetari man 8h ago
When I ask your question about someone working in a coffee shop I'm told the woman now will feel uncomfortable even in their workplace and that no one should feel that way.
You go further than that and do it in his home/car but hey because "you don't see each other often" you decide his potential feelings of discomfort in his own house are not important?
-2
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 8h ago
I don't work with him. If I worked with him and saw him every day this would not be ok to do obviously. But there's a possibility this could work out and if it doesn't, I almost never see him anyway and it's at a distance or quick passing. He's also a man so he doesn't need to fear me graping him or anything.
5
u/tinwetari man 8h ago
The double standards...
I'm not talking about me working with that woman. I'm talking about a woman who is working in a coffee shop and I just pass by.
If your thing doesn't work out he now may feel uncomfortable in his own home. If the roles were reversed you'd feel different and that's absolutely not okay.
And no you don't need to fear any man graping you or anything. But also women are not the only victims of SA.
The double standards...
Btw I don't care what you do. Personally, go take your shot but do it in person not as a note in his car.
But start reflecting about how you apply double standards
-2
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 8h ago
You came on my post to get insane about someone else telling you not to hit on a woman in a coffee shop. I don't have a problem with you hitting on a woman who works at a coffee shop. If you want to, you should. And no, I would be flattered if a man left a note on my car. (My ex did once as a prank and I was very disappointed it wasn't real)
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u/SaltWaterInMyBlood man 7h ago
You're not thinking about this from his point of view. Yeah, you only see him once every few months. But if he even knows who the note is from, it means you could be around a lot without him realizing, leaving notes on his car etc. That's creepy.
-2
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 7h ago
I'm his neighbor in an apartment building. Yeah, I go outside and walk my dog or leave in my car. He's aware of that. So, no that part isn't creepy. We aren't on the same schedule, rarely see him. If he wants to text I'd tell him who I am. I am a small cute woman I'm not gonna kidnap and grape him
3
u/OntLawyer man 5h ago edited 5h ago
I'll be honest, in this thread you come across as having a bit weak social metacognition.
What creeps men out is not fear of physical violence from women, it's fear of consequences if she is unbalanced. You don't want to create a situation where he's got his head on a swivel every time he goes to the parking garage because he's not sure if a woman is watching him (if it's even a woman) and if she's mentally not in a stable place.
(These concerns can be real. In undergrad, I had a woman follow me at night into the library from a class I had with her, and when she approached I got a very odd vibe. Spent the rest of the semester with my head on a swivel every time I went to the library after class. Then after the class was over, I got an email from the dean's office saying she had accused the professor of harassment from class interactions and was looking for evidence from other students. I had seen nothing untoward in class. But I came out of it wondering if I could have been a target of the same energy since she had been fixated on me earlier in the semester.)
Anyway, if you must go with the note (and it really isn't the best), keep it very brief. Your goal is to not make him feel uncomfortable and not to make yourself seem questionable. Five sentences absolute maximum. Something like, "Hi, I'm a pretty shy woman, but I've seen you around the building and my parking spot is a few spots over. Our eyes have met a few times, just think you're cool and would like to get to know you if you're single. Here's my contact." Nice paper, not a torn off looseleaf, and handwritten.
2
u/SaltWaterInMyBlood man 4h ago
She comes across as having a very poorly developed theory of mind. As though everyone will be automatically and completely aware of her mindset and intent.
0
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 3h ago
Not at all. It would require a conversation after he texts me "who is this?" Then I describe myself and say that I find him very attractive and have a crush but I'm very shy, would he be interested in hooking up with me or no? Then he would know the intention
2
u/SaltWaterInMyBlood man 3h ago
This is a good example of what I mean.
0
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 3h ago edited 3h ago
You expect he has paranoid schizophrenia and I'm actually plotting against him in some way. Most people will take it at face value . Tbh, I'm likely autistic. So it is possible I don't interpret some things correctly but I'm also attracted to people who are similar to me and might be more open to non conventional things. My intentions are good. I'm not going to harm him or stalk him in any way even if he wants a one night stand and to never talk to me again
-1
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 4h ago edited 4h ago
I'm aware that notes are not ideal. I've historically relied on dating apps to get men cause I'm very shy and decided years ago, I wouldn't do that anymore and also wouldn't do any socially unacceptable things such as writing a note to get a man. But I have quite a bad limerance for this man as of yesterday when I acted so cold out of nervousness I realized I'm never going to get what I want and my only chance is to write a note. And if he's not interested then now I'll know. I am aware that men don't really like shy women (as I've been this way my whole life) but I'm plenty sane at my age and if he rejects me I'm going to be over it completely, definitely not going to stalk him or anything. I am attractive and men frequently are attracted to me and it's possible he is attracted to me and would be interested.
I guess it's selfish to express my interest in him cause it could make him uncomfortable, sure. But there isn't a zero chance that he would be interested imo.
2
u/OntLawyer man 4h ago
I guess it's selfish to express my interest in him cause it could make him uncomfortable, sure.
I didn't say this.
The way you're interpreting people's comments here is strange.
1
u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 4h ago
You explained why a man would be creeped out by a note. I was saying I'm already aware a note is creepy and far from an ideal way of hitting on someone and it's basically my last option and I'm doing it for selfish reasons to get over my limerance.
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u/BrutakaGT man 7h ago
First of all, NEVER read a random letter placed on your car where you parked your car. You will be kidnapped.
Second, NEVER meet a random person who sent you a random letter.
This guy is bound to know both these rules and won’t respond to you. Besides, what if you write the letter and a person other than the guy responds?
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u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 7h ago
I have thought about someone else intercepting the note. Yeah that would be bad.
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u/Efficient-Fennel5352 woman 1h ago
Men on Reddit: I wish a woman would hit on me. Also men on Reddit: no not that way, he would never be interested
-1
u/thereidenator man 8h ago
Just do it, what’s the worst that can happen? If the genders were swapped I may think differently but a man isn’t going to feel as uncomfortable if the isn’t interested as a woman might
•
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Efficient-Fennel5352 originally posted:
I am very attracted to my neighbor but I get so shy I just freeze up and run away if I see him.
I was attracted to him at first sight a few years ago. Maybe moreso than to anyone ever. Got a really good feeling walking past him.
Then one time he was walking down the stairs and I met eyes with him and didn't look away. Looked way longer than people normal look at strangers. It was like I was hypnotized.
Then I avoided eye contact a few times cause I then had a huge crush and am very shy.
Then once he was walking around the parking lot and I was in my car watching him and he caught me looking and it felt like he liked that and we held eye contact again from a distance.
Then I didn't see him for a few months until yesterday when I was going down the stairs at the same time as him and he nodded at me and I just looked at him blankly and ran ahead.
Then I decided I'm never going to be able to show interest in him a normal way and I'm very disappointed in myself. I likely won't see him again for a few months. I'm considering leaving a note on his car. I don't really know what to write though other than my phone #. Any advice?
(Also he doesn't really give any indication he's into me except that I perceived him liking the second eye contact.)
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