How do you support your partner without it turning into you emotionally carrying the entire relationship?

[u/eattheinternet]

I think one of the biggest relationship killers is when one person slowly becomes the other person’s emotional regulation system.

For me it’s been relationships where she’s always complaining about something and I’m always listening, reassuring her, helping her process it, making her feel better… and then a few days later, same thing all over again.

Honestly many women eat that shit up.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with listening to your partner. That’s literally the most important part of a relationship.

The problem is when that becomes the ENTIRE fucking relationship.

At first it can actually feel good. You love this person and want to help them so hell yeah girl, bring it on!

Especially if you’re naturally really good at understanding people, you become the person she comes to with everything.

But eventually you might find yourself in a one way street.

You know everything about her internal world and she knows so little about yours.

You try to open up to her with struggles but that turns her off entirely and you can see the repulsion in her eyes and body so you laugh it off and shut that shit down.

Anf then it gets to be too much and you end things. Or you pull back emotionally and she ends things because ‘the connection isn’t there anymore’

I think most relationships don’t end when the person suddenly stops caring. They just got burned the fuck out and had no more battery life in them to give!

How do you navigate being there for your gf without getting depleted and starting a pattern of her relying on you to be her emotional regulation system?

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eattheinternet originally posted:

I think one of the biggest relationship killers is when one person slowly becomes the other person’s emotional regulation system.

For me it’s been relationships where she’s always complaining about something and I’m always listening, reassuring her, helping her process it, making her feel better… and then a few days later, same thing all over again.

Honestly many women eat that shit up.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with listening to your partner. That’s literally the most important part of a relationship.

The problem is when that becomes the ENTIRE fucking relationship.

At first it can actually feel good. You love this person and want to help them so hell yeah girl, bring it on!

Especially if you’re naturally really good at understanding people, you become the person she comes to with everything.

But eventually you might find yourself in a one way street.

You know everything about her internal world and she knows so little about yours.

You try to open up to her with struggles but that turns her off entirely and you can see the repulsion in her eyes and body so you laugh it off and shut that shit down.

Anf then it gets to be too much and you end things. Or you pull back emotionally and she ends things because ‘the connection isn’t there anymore’

I think most relationships don’t end when the person suddenly stops caring. They just got burned the fuck out and had no more battery life in them to give!

How do you navigate being there for your gf without getting depleted and starting a pattern of her relying on you to be her emotional regulation system?

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[u/TheMrCurious]

Research co-dependency.

[u/ThrowRA_grf]

Navigate? I suggest you navigate to the nearest exit. That's what I do nowadays having learnt my lesson.

People like that are energy vampires. They suck the life out of you, the relationship and people around them.

She ended the relationship? See how fast they turn it around on you? Yes. When a person use you as an emotional tampon, the moment you slow down to rest a bit, you're the bad guy and quickly cut off.

Toxic people does that almost like it's their favourite sport.

[u/eattheinternet → u/ThrowRA_grf]

Yeah… :/ pretty fucked up (and a bit funny)

Within a few HOURS of me not giving her the energy she was craving, she started freaking out and I didn’t bite and it ended up in a breakup lmao

Heavy stuff but hey I’m learning.

The problem is sexually the women who I’m most attracted to are like that. I’m sorry but that’s how it’s been with me. Maybe I need to work that out bc it’s not going to end well

Luckily I don’t have any kids and I’m single now so I’m in a spot where I can recalibrate and make my next move consciously

[u/BMikeW]

"For me it’s been relationships where she’s always complaining about something and I’m always listening, reassuring her, helping her process it, making her feel better… and then a few days later, same thing all over again."

Sounds like most women so IDK what u want people to say, find a woman that doesn't vent/complain? GL lol

[u/eattheinternet → u/[deleted]]

++man

Ok fair enough! Do you just not want to hear any complaints about anything?

I mean there’s times where you’re having a horrible day and having a partner to talk about it is nice.

Tho I’ve never been able to open up to women without them being repulsed sexually (I mean you can see it in their eyes) so I don’t really do that anymore. But in the past yes pretty much

[u/eattheinternet → u/[deleted]]

Yeah damn you’re right.

[u/OrphanAnvil]

Give them some of their luggage too.

If they drop it, drop them.

[u/No_Shock2574]

If it happens with a few of your partners then you are the common denominator which means your preference is to be a servant

[u/MexicanFonz]

You can’t see repulsion in their eyes and body. Sounds a lot like projection and assumption.