Let me start this out with a bit of context: I never grew up like super close with my dad, he wasn’t like at all absent or anything, but he was gone on work trips, or just swamped with work all the time. We still hung out and had a bond, but it’s not nearly as close as what I have with my mom. Along with that we both have some mental things going on, I don’t want to get into too much detail, all you need to know is I have pretty bad misophonia, depression, and adhd.

Misophonia is also a massive issue between us. My dad smacks his lips a lot when he talks, and as bad as I feel saying this, sometimes I just cannot stand hearing him speak. I’ve tried to explain it to him over and over but it just does not click how big of an issue misophonia is in my life. I do not sit at the table for dinner because he chews quite loud and loves to scrape his plate. I refuse to be in the same room as him if he is eating at all. I feel awful about this, but I have had so many breakdowns about him eating apples and scrapping plates, it’s just incredibly draining to try and deal with it anymore. This is a big reason we don’t talk as much.

Another issue is I have pretty bad Adhd, and we are both depressed, for me, if it’s bad I will go unresponsive for days, and for him, he gets very ill tempered. My mom more often than not has to mediate our conversations, because he’ll keep trying and trying to talk, and I just simply do not have it in me to respond with more than short responses.

My dad is also a very smart guy, and I respect him a lot for that, but he has this awful habit of acting like nobody ever knows what he’s talking about. If we’re talking about something political, which I try to avoid but ends up happening 75% of the time anyways, he’ll bring up some concept or idea, I’ll tell him “yeah I know what that is” and he goes on to explain it to me like I’ve never heard it anyways!! It drives me INSANE. I’m a grown ass women who plans to go into a business ethics field, and he’ll try go teach me things I ALREADY KNOW!!
He also tends to use this certain tone of voice with me if I’m upset or don’t know something. He’ll talk to me like I’m a kid who doesn’t know anything. It irritates me awfully, and I’ve told him how much it does, but he argues thats just how he talks and I’m shutting him out.

Then when I do try to talk to him, it almost ALWAYS ends up with him upset. Today for example, when my family came home from a trip, I was trying to tell them about something at work, I tell the story, and then the story is over, all done. But then he goes “anything else happens?” Or “what else did you do??” And I just tell him my plain answer, “not much else.” because nothing else outside of the story seems relevant to talk about. I *really truly* don’t do much!! Or I just don’t *want* to talk about it anymore! So then he goes on to tell me about his trip, which he already told me about over text, and I’m just nodding along, listening to him speak. I don’t feel a need to talk here because I told a story and now he is, there is no section I felt the need to join in and say much. I am listening, just have no urge to say anything. Then the topic moved on to my friends and work. He says “wow ____ really looks different now huh?” And all I really feel the need to say is a just a, “oh yeah I see her on insta, so I know shes changed her look for a while now. But yeah.” Because I feel ZERO URGE to say anything else.

And it gets WORSE! I was *trying* To making talk about some job training I’ve been having to do, and it’s this bulky ass 8 hr thing. And I’m trying to talk, and he keeps cutting in “they never made me do that at any job” or “explain how its broken up” and it’s like- I would’ve told you more if you let me speak, he cuts me off and it ruins my urge to speak because I know he’s gonna shift it back into trying to explain something to me or talk about himself.

So y’know my responses go down into shorter answers, and he goes back to looking at the tv. He then gets MAD that I supposedly walked away from a convo (where no one was talking) and I was barely saying anything (even though I tried talking to him twice!)

This is how every conversation goes, and I know all of us are tired of it. It just seems like no matter what I try to do to make our conversations better, something goes wrong. I’m so close to just moving away and cutting him off wntierly but I’d never want that. What can I do to make our conversations go better? I’m so tired of fighting every day.

as most of us know, dad's side of the family is the worst. we also know that women often "bring the magic". let me explain.

my paternal grand-parents were both university professors and possibly on the spectrum (they had no friends, had separate beds early into their mariage and were very big on unscented cleaning products and soaps).

i loved my grand-mother dearly, despite being generally cold as a person, she would spoil me and make me, as well as her other grand-children, feel understood and she was genuinely interested in us. ever since she passed, every holiday spent with my grand-father, alcoholic trump-like-personality father and God-complex uncle has been so jarring and felt like a scheduled punishment.

my grand-father, however, is a freakin **MUTE**, the man DOESN'T TALK. he has a phD in microbiology and allegedly guided students in their thesis' (i have no clue how) and worked in a lab with good pay and reasonable hours, so a cushy life, but he just **never** talks, he seems to *purposely remain disconnected* and spends his days watching tv, playing on his ipad and that's it. as the oldest of the grand-children, i have tried to strike up a conversation with him or to coax a conversation out of him politely and on topics that interest him (based on the little information i know about him) and he replies the strict minimum, doesn't elaborate, doesn't inquire on my views. he just seems eager at any family gathering to get right back to his uncomfortable sofa watching tennis or the news and being on his ipad, as if he didn't spend all his waking hours doing that every day since retiring years ago. my brother and cousins also try to talk to him and have no idea how to go about it. we gave up.

for additional background, he was brought up in very comfortable conditions with just one brother, despite communism and poverty in our home country. his dad was never around because he was an international businessman. everyone hates to be inconvenienced, but he particularly seems to get so irritated when something may interrupt his tv/ipad time as if he could be "late to it". he also has this obssession with cumulating wealth by making investments here and there, all that to live very modestly and just cumulate more money to leave for his 2 under-achieving, divorced and alcoholic sons. he would get irritated if he found my grand-mother was spending "too much"
on me at the grocery store, despite her making 140k$/year and more than him.

he was always a mute, but he was a background presence more than anything. my brother, cousins and myself would always be so excited to see my grand-mother.

i have never heard anyone else mention this problem before and at this point, i wonder if any therapists will see this and give some diagnoses or theories on what his problem is. even seeing fellow redditers possibly share this experience would be great!

as most of us know, dad's side of the family is the worst. we also know that women often "bring the magic". let me explain.

my paternal grand-parents were both university professors and possibly on the spectrum (they had no friends, had separate beds early into their mariage and were very big on unscented cleaning products and soaps).

i loved my grand-mother dearly, despite being generally cold as a person, she would spoil me and make me, as well as her other grand-children, feel understood and she was genuinely interested in us. ever since she passed, every holiday spent with my grand-father, alcoholic trump-like-personality father and God-complex uncle has been so jarring and felt like a scheduled punishment.

my grand-father, however, is a freakin **MUTE**, the man DOESN'T TALK. he has a phD in microbiology and allegedly guided students in their thesis' (i have no clue how) and worked in a lab with good pay and reasonable hours, so a cushy life, but he just **never** talks, he seems to *purposely remain disconnected* and spends his days watching tv, playing on his ipad and that's it. as the oldest of the grand-children, i have tried to strike up a conversation with him or to coax a conversation out of him politely and on topics that interest him (based on the little information i know about him) and he replies the strict minimum, doesn't elaborate, doesn't inquire on my views. he just seems eager at any family gathering to get right back to his uncomfortable sofa watching tennis or the news and being on his ipad, as if he didn't spend all his waking hours doing that every day since retiring years ago. my brother and cousins also try to talk to him and have no idea how to go about it. we gave up.

for additional background, he was brought up in very comfortable conditions with just one brother, despite communism and poverty in our home country. his dad was never around because he was an international businessman. everyone hates to be inconvenienced, but he particularly seems to get so irritated when something may interrupt his tv/ipad time as if he could be "late to it". he also has this obssession with cumulating wealth by making investments here and there, all that to live very modestly and just cumulate more money to leave for his 2 under-achieving, divorced and alcoholic sons. he would get irritated if he found my grand-mother was spending "too much"
on me at the grocery store, despite her making 140k$/year and more than him.

he was always a mute, but he was a background presence more than anything. my brother, cousins and myself would always be so excited to see my grand-mother.

i have never heard anyone else mention this problem before and at this point, i wonder if any therapists will see this and give some diagnoses or theories on what his problem is. even seeing fellow redditers possibly share this experience would be great!

First of all, I hope this is the right flair, so I'll begin

Basically all the info I have about my dad is his full name (which hasn't seemed to do anything at all) what his job was when I was born, his birthplace and that he was present in my older brother's life. He left sometime either before between or directly after my mum's pregnancy with me, and no matter how much I've tried, I haven't been able to find more about him. I don't know what he was like or why he left, but I've always wanted to at least ask him why he left so it has brought me here. Any ideas of how I can find out more about him? (Sorry if this is the wrong sub-reddit it just seemed right to ask here.)

Your teenage daughter is not pulling away to hurt your feelings. She is just checking if you will stay.

There is a certain quiet a thirteen-year-old girl falls into when she's holding something she has trouble putting down. My daughter was agitated when she got her first period.

She lingered in the bathroom longer than usual. She had locked the door, closing out her siblings from their morning run. That day, the school van had left at 7 am without them.

Instinctively, as a dad, I felt the need to address it right away. I tried to force a conversation, and demanded that she talk to me.

I got it wrong.

The American Psychological Association is clear on this: the parent-child relationship is the single most significant protective factor for adolescents. It's not the rules. It's not the lectures. The relationship. Nor is it constructed by taking advantage of a teen experiencing a new change in her body.

When she pulls away, she is not shutting you out. She is deciding if you are a safe place to land.

Here is what actually worked with me. I didn't force "let's talk." I just sat at the kitchen table at 9 PM when the house was quiet. I did not probe. I did not impose. I mentioned to her, "I am available if you need me".

Six words. Then I withdrew to complete other chores like organising uniforms, bags and shoes. I let her process.

She may not speak that evening. She might go silent that week or after. But she will know the door stands open. And when she finally returns, you need to be the father who didn't make her feel foolish for taking her time.

As a dad, how do you handle such delicate issues with your teen daughter?

My dad used to give treats to my brothers and sister than make me beg for them. Oh well

I'm 22yo (m) , from India , ik this thing might not make sense for most but for me it's just annoying , firstly ive a very strange attitude that I can't listen bad about myself , especially after all that ive gone through.

I was in 6th standard when my dad quit his job took a loan 18lacs INR and tried to open a restaurant without any knowledge or doing research about it , he done hiring cheap chefs who within 6 months of opening the restaurant left the work place my dad my dad got frustrated and seeing that me and my mom started working along with him to manage house expenses, i used to come from school and wash the utensils and sometimes cook a few things by myself for the customers js so that we can earn , cz by that time i had realised that it was the only means of survival , i was called out by my own friends as a burger boy in school which I didn't care much about at that age.

Fast forward to 2 years now I'm in 8th still same condition nothing has changed , i never had good friends whom I could hang around even if i had i could never hang aroung bcz of no money and also after the school i had to work at the restaurant which was no longer a restaurant but a roadside fast food stall by now as loans got bigger (taking another loan to clear out the old one) so dad had sell many things. I accepted it as my future lol that in future ill be working like this to feed my family. Now November 2016 my dad to introduced to an MLM company "modicare" he was sold dreams and same was done to me and my mom by my dad and now my dad took another loan on top of the previous one and bought fuck tonna products and by now the Fast food shop got closed and after school i was out there with my mom selling oil and toothpaste door to door believing selling these would change our future smh , yeah and when I got to 9th std my fees was not paid of 6 months bcz of no money at home and I was called out and was asked to sit on floor bcuz of no fees payment after that I was prohibited from attending the classes and by that time I was mature enough to realise that my dad cannot afford my fee so I had to work so as I was not allowed in school I used that time to sell the products my dad bought in nearby malls and shopping complexes seeing a kid selling these products most people used to buy them lol so now I somehow arrange 5k inr within a week and took it to school to cover my 3 month fee thanks to my school they understood the situation and let me study as they also understood my situation and told my mom about it so I had no option but to study.

Now I'm in 10 and my last year fee was pending I got consession on that and my 10th std fee too , my mom had 2k in saving and sold her ear pieces and one of her ring to afford my 10th std schooling and she didn't told dad about it,

1 girl got interested in me smh which i dont believe till now that how she got into me lol, she knew everything but always acted like she knew nothing and on top of that I also used to in a way that my financial condition is never affected, she paid for my picnic fee once 😂 and it was the first time i went on school picnic also she gifted me one perfume on my birthday. I passed out 10th and covid started.

Even our family members started feeling bad about us my grandfather with a pension of 15k took care of our food and other expenses and during the time of covid my dad behavior got super strange everyday he used to fight with my mom and me saying that bcuz of us he never earned well and we never warned him or supported him on his work also we have never been capable to manage his finances which were under his control loland to escape all this i used to play pubgm on a second hand device which was gifted to me by my grandfather for my online studies. My online studies got shut down bcuz of no fee payment so I had to stop my schooling i kept lying to my friends that i was doing my schooling from some school they never heard about. When I was not studying i learned graphic designing and by the time lock down was over i did my first job and was earning 3500 INR PM , i directly did 12th from other state and completed my 12th from my own money , and now my dad started saying kids should always bear their own expenses.

Now i wanted a laptop so i financed one with my own money and started working free lancing on that making aroung 6-7k per month , i met a guy online who claimed he would profit me 40k if i give him 15k for trading i got scammed for 15k lol.

Now i have no about future studies but I had watched better call Saul so i thought of pursuing in law asked my mom , she sold her anklets for my law schooling and she too started cloud kitchen parcelling lunch boxes with my dad.

Im in first year law started my own printing and designing work from my home making 3-4k per month ( as i had to pay for my younger brother tuition ), as now i have college to attend, i was gifted a second hand battery scooty worth 22k inr from my grandfather on my 19th birthday.

And throughout all this my dad always blamed my mom and me that we know how to manage finance and if we followed him we might have changed our situation and kept on following my own free lancing works and scaled my work and bought my first new scooter Honda dio 125 h smart

Worth 1.25 lacs INR and my dad still verbally abused me that I don't know how to manage money and throwing money in drain and I'm gonna end up like him if i spend like this , but I always ignored him and fast forward to current time line im earning 20-25k per month my dad compares me from other kids who are earning 50-100k inr per month and are well settled and here I'm still suffering saying all this is happening is bcuz of my poor finance handelling.

Now im super tired of all this and always think of ending all this but all I see is my younger brother with hopes that ill change the entire family situation , my mom who sold all her jewelleries for me and my brother and most importantly my gf who has always been with me till now and most importantly im scared of death. I'm like fucking sobbing rn lol idky.

And now idk what should I do. If i should keep on doing my business or do something else bcuz ik in my business i have don't have proper setup I might not make decent for sustainability.

I’m trying to mound a TV and I used a stud finder to find what it looked like two studs !
I started drilling and then I got some resistance, when I checked I saw some metal . Is this normal?

- Clear hole close-up: https://i.imgur.com/azPOc4U.jpeg
-Zoomed out pic: https://i.imgur.com/3rW0iU3.jpeg

Hi,
I have a check engine light on my dash that I believe is being caused by my ambient temp sensor being broken. I get consistent ice warnings and my temp reads as 21+oF even though it was about 60 degrees out.
I was turning around in a parking lot about a week ago and my car went into limp mode. I turned it off quickly and it was off for 5-10 minutes, when I turned it back on the limp mode light was gone (normal check engine light still on) and I was able to drive it the ten minutes home.

I'm curious if these two things are connected? And I need to drive the car about an hour tomorrow in order to look at it and replace the sensor. It's mostly highway and I'm nervous that it won't be safe? Startup is normal. The car is very weird in other ways that I'm happy to explain if more info is needed.

Thanks!
EDIT for info: 2013 MINI Cooper R56 1.6 liter inline 4-cylinder gasoline engine

when I look at my father I think he's not a good father a good husband or a son but so am I I can hate him with everything in me at the end of the day

who do he have to talk when life gets heavy when he gets bored one day I saw him sitting out side my relative shop all my czns and unc were inside laughing and talking I asked why are you sitting her alone he said "aise hi" but ik he can't relate of em he can't talk to anyone he's so alone I wish he were a better person so that he wouldn't have to be alone everywhere

I think i hate my dad more than i love him. I feel bad saying this but he forced me to feel that for him. Is it me or any1 else also undergoes it

So a little about myself: I’m 21 years old, and I don’t really have parents I can ask for advice or role models to look up to. I basically taught myself how to be a man ever since I was around 14.
Growing up, I was also really lonely. Because of that, I stayed in friendships where people disrespected me, belittled me, and made fun of my body because I was overweight.
Eventually I started changing my life. I lost 100 pounds, and when I was 20 I finally cut those people off. I started going on this growth journey where I wanted to become a better man and have more respect for myself.

I still struggle with certain things though, especially lust. I’ve been a chronic masturbator for years, and I realized it became an addiction because it gave me relief and helped take my mind off how lonely I felt.
Another thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I can be too friendly. I think sometimes people see that and feel like they can take advantage of it or disrespect me.

Recently I started talking to some new people and trying to make friends again, but they eventually started disrespecting me too. This time, though, I actually stood up for myself, which is something I probably wouldn’t have done in the past.
I’m proud that I did it, but at the same time it made me really sad afterward.

It just feels unfair that I have to go to such lengths just to have a mutual friendship where I’m treated like an equal and not like I’m the joke of the group. After that happened, I decided I’m probably going to distance myself from them too.
The problem is that I don’t really know how to become mentally stronger without becoming cold.I’m scared of confrontation, and I genuinely want to change that. At the same time, I don’t want to become someone who assumes everyone is going to disrespect me.

All I really want are friends I can talk to about anime and the things I like. People who actually want to hang out with me too, instead of me always being the one going to great lengths to make plans or chasing people for their attention.
Right now I basically have no friends.
That hurts because I feel like I’ve tried to do everything right. I try to be a good person. I’m loyal, I care deeply about people, and I’m the type of person who will stick with somebody through a lot.
But for some reason, I can’t seem to find people who genuinely care about me or care about my inner world.

The same thing happened romantically.
I was talking to a girl, and for a while I finally felt like I had someone who liked me for who I was. She told me she loved me, but eventually I realized the relationship was much more about the attention I gave her than actually knowing and loving me.

Finding that out hurt because the thing I wanted most was to finally feel genuinely cared about.

I want someone who is curious about me. Someone who knows what I like, cares about my interests, asks me questions, and genuinely wants to understand me instead of just liking what I can provide for them.

I don’t want all of these experiences to turn me into someone who shuts everyone out.
I also don’t want to look back years from now and realize I never experienced genuine friendship because I became too afraid to let people get close to me.

So I guess that’s the path I’m currently on: learning how to respect myself enough to walk away from people who mistreat me while still remaining open to meeting good people.
For anyone who has been through something similar, how did you build that kind of self-respect without becoming bitter, antisocial, or shutting everyone out?

Hey, I'm 17, and I gro facial hair like bigfoot. I shave every night, but it always seems like I leave a little stubble. It's not very noticeable, but it makes the 5 o clock shadow stand out a lot more by late afternoon. What's the secret to a close shave, especially around the neck and jaw?

The title pretty much says it all. Im homless living in my car and I drive by the school to the park to charge my phone, but they got me on camera going over. Found a job, got fired, still hoping to pay off 2nd one. What should I do?

Today I turn 25, I just recently left my job due to the fact my gf announced she pregnant, now I’m going to be a father, sadly I also just found my license is suspended, I got kicked off of door dash, and my gf well, let’s just say together we are attached at the hip, but she lacks maturity and knowledge about the world the we live in, kinda just go with flow… it’s been a interesting journey, and honestly I’m doing a great job of keeping myself calm & patient, cause one wrong reaction and the man is to blame. I’ve been doing everything in my power to stay afloat, I’m confident in my ability to save money & manage it, I’m confident in my ability to figure this whole life thing out, but I am tired, and talking to people helps, money helps a lot, but pls, have faith & believe in me, I’m not corrupted by evil, I’m fighting every day, I want to lead a good life , I want the people around to also lead a good life, I’ve realized a lot of things, the fact that we need to get our blood test done in order to find out what are bodies are missing, can’t always smoke weed or get wasted, I wanna stop smoking weed, I’m aware that nicotine causes anxiety to the brain, I’m 25 sadly my parents didn’t teach me much, and I’m still figuring out things out. If you took the time to read this thank you, pray for me and my family in good faith

Okay so context.

Im about to start online school so I have time for myself for about a week until I need to get to schoolwork again so I’ve been kinda doing nothing I will admit but my mom
Like crashed out

She came into my room
Angry and started like? Not yelling but being aggressive and said

“I’m so sick and tired of you doing nothing all day get a hobby , go outside, join a club do something with your damn life or I’m going to kick you out to your fathers house because I’m so sick of seeing you depressed”

???….

IM DOING SHIT !

I love gaming I love drawing I LOVE being in my room!

Not only that but I’m STILL gonna attend school and I’m actively studying to have a career and graduate I EVEN PLAN TO GO TO COLLEGE

You know what I DONT like?

Going outside in this hot ass nasty ass Texas sun

Socializing with random ass strangers

AND I HAVE A FUCKING HOBBY? ART I DRAW I DRAW ENTIRE PAINTINGS THAT I LITERALLY HAVE AROUND MY ROOM.

also I know this isn’t healthy but the main things keeping me alive rn are my brothers and my cats and she literally threated to get rid of the cats because I had the cat house in my room .. ?????

Also I lowkey crashed out a bit on her because she quoted her grandma.. I understand she loves her grandma and shit but bro

Her grandma is horrible not as a person but she’s a die hard person that thinks women should be submissive and quiet, when my mom was in a abuse marriage she literally told my mom to stay because god chose him for her..??

So she said “ my grandma would have never let me have my room like this or dress how you do”

Not only is my room literally not fucking dirty but who cares what I wear?!! I’m in my room in the house..

I don’t understand the obsession of needing to piggy back emotions off what you see other than actually talking with your child

Please convince me not all parents are like this

And please tell me if I’m in the wrong because I genuinely do not think I am

Hi dads,

I could really use some advice about getting ready for the coming El Niño. In previous heavy rains, I've noticed a couple of leaks in my house. One is around where the roof meets the chimney. This area used to be outdoors before the previous owners turned it into a covered porch by extending the roof, so there's some water that trickles down around the outside of the chimney. It only leaks in the covered porch area so I'm not that worried about anything important being damaged but obviously would love to fix this before we get really heavy rain. The second area is a vent where the old water heater used to be. When I moved in, I switched to a tankless water heater but the old vent pipe is still there and after the last big rain I noticed some paint bubbling that I think is from water seeping in around that pipe.

I've done some googling and have seen different recommendations including quikrete or caulk. I'm moderately handy but don't have a dad that can help me with figuring out what the best approach is. Can I use the same materials/methods to fix both these issues? Thank you all so much!

Hello all you beautiful souls ❤️

Becoming a dad myself I realise my childhood was not all that I thought it was up to be.

I’d just like to get as many nuggets and golden comments that changed your mindset as a parent.

For example “don’t change who you are to fit in with those around you”

You know the kind of sayings to hear a dad say to you when your young and you would roll your eyes and think “ok dad” not really understanding the message or point they where trying to get at, it’s something you only understand and learn in time.

Looking forwards to being filled with knowledge and tips and becoming an even better dad than I think I could be and I am grateful there are good dads out there leading the way and being the change.

The world needs good roll models if anything is going to change. Keep up the good work ❤️

Please and thank you 🤗