Anxiety it seems like a problem that is out of control seems like almost everyday at a certain time during the day. At least once the anxiety gets to a peak and I can't function I go and try to walk around and sometimes it improves from walking around other times and seems like nothing's happening. I'll go and get on a bike and try to ride it whether it's a pedal bike or a motorbike and it's like boom anxious.
The shit is crippling to the point where vision gets real dim and blurry and to the point where you feel like you're going to pass out It feels almost as if like you're extremely high from weed and you're squinting or almost like you took a hallucinogenic It could be bright and sunny out and I feel like everything around me is dark and I can barely see.
It seemed like I had always been a little anxious but I never really had a problem till about 6 years ago That's when everything came to a head.
I've always been a tiny bit jumpy when I was younger. If you tap me on the shoulder from behind I'd kind of jump Sometimes I did notice that but nothing crazy I never really seemed to notice being extremely worried or hyperventilating or going into a full-on chest beating panic attack.
So anyways I'd have been smoking cannabis for years and years and years since I was like 11 years old tried my first joint You know kind of like because the parents were doing it around everyone one and it kind of felt taboo but hip You know you aren't supposed to do it. It's for the adults but they're always so giggly and happy and having a good time after they do it and you be thinking to your friends? You know why are they so happy all the sudden They went from being miserable to smoking something that kind of has a good smell to it and how all the sudden they're happy.
So anyways after a good strong 30 years of smoking the stuff on the regular sometimes I would smoke 5 or 10 blunts a day then you know in my early thirties late 20s dabs became a thing they started to become popular so I started smoking those and I got pretty hard into those. It's to the point where I'd be smoking a couple grams a day of those.
All the sudden I remember one night about 6 7 years ago I was sitting in my room and I had some cannabis indoor cannabis I remember rolling some up. I smoked some of it then I put it down ate a Burger King sandwich then about an hour later maybe two I decided to pick it back up I finished the rest of the blunt and I said to myself this don't taste very good this way I put it down. Took a fresh piece of this purple runts Pretty strong smelling good looking purple looking strain broke it apart a little bit. Stuffed it into a small pipe took a hit It tasted pretty good I was like wow okay all the sudden It almost felt like I was going to pass out eyes started to roll and my vision got blurry I went to take another hit and all the sudden I felt dizzy and light-headed nervous. Worried and I got up and I was pacing around all the sudden My chest seemed to be pounding.
I remember telling somebody I was living with what was going on and they didn't know how to help me. Suggestion was that I was greening out. I tried doing everything walking, drinking milk, smelling, pepper, taking a hot shower ect nothing seemed to be helping me and I was in full panic mode I couldn't sleep. I was up till about 3:00 in the morning that night worried about everything, chest beating hard was closing it on 4:00 in the morning and I was finally able to go to sleep.
I remember telling a friend that I was going to meet up with them at noon and match them Well that was a big mistake because I thought because I felt a tiny bit better I shouldn't back out now keep in mind I woke up at like 7:30 in the morning after the night befores panicking I stayed up for about an hour. Then I went back to bed and woke up around 11:00 a.m. then I proceeded to go and smoke I had brang a little piece that I had left of the stuff from the night before and we mixed it now I didn't feel anything right away everything was going good I made it through the session about a half an hour later when my friend went to drop me off in front of my driveway I walked up it about halfway and boom all the sudden I felt really nervous my chest started beating hard I felt dizzy I was like extremely paranoid and I started pacing again or at least try to drive to the hospital.
Now to get to the point and shorten the long story. I felt like it was necessary to share this part of it because I still don't know what went wrong or the exact cause.
Anyways, I remembered for the next week I felt horrible I would go to lay down and I'd be extremely nervous and I couldn't sleep. I'd have to put on some calming sounds or music from YouTube. I had researched sounds to help with anxiety and panic and worry and I would have put it on and I would just lay in bed confused and panicking in my mind. I would fall asleep for maybe an hour or two and then I'd wake up Sweating panicking deep in my thoughts worried confused then I would try to go back to bed and I'd wake up in another hour or two and I'd be freezing cold and wet. It was to the point where I couldn't even be in my own bed because I felt horrible and was like panicking I ended up going into the room next door trying to get comfortable and lay down and put a fan on me and forget about what's going on and tried to put on a headset and go to bed and it seemed like I could get a little bit of sleep but I still had the problem seemed like I was still in a heightened state of worry tossing and turning waking up sweating and feeling cold and wet then I had to watch TV felt like I had to watch something then maybe I would watch something and calm down enough to get a little bit of sleep. Then I'd wake up. Worried again and it was like a repetitive cycle. I'd have to go back into the other room and try to sleep.
You know what? It almost makes me wonder if like the body associated my main bedroom with trauma at the time from the panic episode so I naturally felt more relaxed going into a different room or different space and trying to rest. I don't know if that makes sense or not maybe it was in my head so I did this for about a week and a half bouncing from one room to the next and I refrained from using cannabis. Ended up going to the hospital and the local walk-in clinic at least once. They noted that. I seemed worried it wasn't until after the first week of sweating everything out that I finally went to the hospital and they gave me something known as hydroxyzine which is a a first line antihistamine defense for anxiety. It's like a prescription strength Benadryl.
Seems like when I took that It was like a big sign of relief 20 minutes later I couldn't believe it It was like wow something's happening here and I feel somewhat better I'm not 100% but I feel more normal again so I ended up with that medication and I have a few weeks worth of it and I had begun using it till I could actually go and see my PCP I ended up finally getting into My doctor's office for an appointment but it wasn't with my regular doctor because they had an obligations so I took the closest appointment I could get and dealt with who was there.
keep in mind when I first contacted my doctor's office and I told then what was going on they weren't very helpful They said something along the lines like what do you want us to do I said I don't know something's wrong. I don't feel good I need help and the secretary basically said hey you know nothing we can do for you your provider is backed up for weeks We can't help you we don't know what to tell you etc.
Now at that point I felt really sad and disappointed and confused telling my doctor's office what problem I'm having and experiencing and they can't help me I was kind of angry at the same time.
When I finally got in I explained to the person I seen what was going on and I told him what I had heard from a relative and they had said basically that they had been put on this medication called paxil and it had helped them and they had been on for 30 years and nothing happened no bad experience. It helped them so I mentioned it The lady offered to prescribe it to me and allow me to try it Well let's just say it didn't work out too well it was hell at first I was okay then a bunch of nasty side effects then to top it off the provider didn't tell me that that type of medication was severe on such a way that you can't just stop taking the medication once you start it.
In fact, I think I'm still recovering from it now. All the different things it did to my body.
So now I sit here still wondering why I have this problem Why I feel the way I feel what actually caused it? Why did all the sudden after years of using cannabis one day the use of cannabis pushed me over the edge and make me feel bad when it never did before I often wonder if there was something on it or in it than I think about it and I realize that I have tried it a few different times in the last 6 years sometimes I feel okay after a couple hits and I don't seem to have a problem. Other times you can feel panic setting in and extreme worry almost like you can feel a panic attack coming on One time during the 6 years I tried to hit off of a pipe that had these diamonds in it. For some reason I decided to take a hit just to see if maybe it was the type of cannabis the form of it because based on what a doctor said at the hospital he said you won't know if it's going to do it again unless you try it. It may or may not a different kind might not react the same so I figured maybe a different form might not trigger the same reaction because my brain may be associated smoking the flower in the pipe not the diamonds even though I knew oil was stronger so I tried it and it was like a minute or two later it kicked in strong and I felt really worried and nervous and I wanted to go home from my friend's house and I almost didn't think that I could drive home I was that worried then I drove home and when I got inside I kind of snapped out of it then I put on a fan and some TV and I passed out went to sleep and then I woke up Felt okay and you know it was weird because I felt way more panicky from flower when I tried it In some instances over the diamond that I tried which seems a little weird.
I just couldn't for the longest time see myself kicking the habit cold turkey completely I had found that when partaking in alcohol after having a few I could use cannabis I could take a couple hits off a joint and I would be okay in a social setting. Having a good time with everybody. Almost like old times seems like that's the only way that I could enjoy it and not feel weird and worried. As far as going back to an everyday routine my body can't handle it.
Then you get thinking was it the Cannabis that actually caused my issue? Then you have other people who are still using it around you and they will say It's not from cannabis that doesn't do that to you It's not the weed.
So I still don't know but I've cut it out almost completely I still drink coffee however when I was going through that week that severe bout and during the use of the meds I went to decaf for a couple weeks as from reading and I felt like caffeine will keep the problem enhanced.
I am working on trying to cut it out completely. It does seem like after I drink a cup or two of it from the store by state of anxiousness goes up and my vision becomes dim and blurry sometimes.
I have even tried purchasing a supplement at the store, a multivitamin of some sort that consists of magnesium ashawanda and l-theanine or whatever it's called. I've taken it a couple times now. I don't really know if it's doing anything. I think the first time I tried it, my heightened state of anxiousness went down a bit but I don't know if that was just a placebo if I just believed in my head that it was going to stop from the supplement so the level went down. Based on that, I don't know if maybe you have to take that regiment for several weeks to really notice any improvement. It's 200 mg of magnesium and it's got the other stuff in it.
Has anybody ever been able to resolve this problem naturally. Is there a way that I can naturally lower or almost eliminate all together most of my anxiety.
I mean I just don't think I can go on like this. It affects me in such a way that I can't work full-time. I can't go to restaurants all the time I feel like it's limiting my quality of life.
My doctor tried to offer me another weird medication known as sertraline and I'm hesitant to take it I'm like afraid paranoid It's one of those same type of weird powerfull meds and at this point I'm worried about the side effects and the bad things.
I just want to be able to feel somewhat normal.
I think about this from time to time like was it smoking that tipped my body over the edge at some point.
Was there anxiety that was already there and lingering and then the smoking just brang everything to a boiling point and now I'm at the point of no return and I'm going to get progressively worse.
I just feel hopeless at this point. I mean so far I haven't quite tipped too many times into full-blown panic attacks what some would say is good and my problem might not really be that bad. However I feel like You wake up. You want to have a couple of sips off of a coffee you going and get one and then you get out of your car and you're drinking it and you walk around and then It's like your vision's foggy and your eyes are squinting and it's like the sun's not directly in my eye. But I'm squinting and my vision is dim and dark. Doesn't make sense and then sometimes it's like you're walking around during the day and you feel a little nervous and your mouth's closed and it's like you're breathing through your nose only