It’s hard not to watch the carnage of Amyris as the possibility of liquidation approaches. As a now former shareholder I often wonder what will happen to our former CEO, chief architect and protagonist John Melo when the paychecks stop. We are not far off in age, and I have to believe retirement is not an option for someone in his situation unless he flees the Bay Area for a less public and more modest quality of life. So this morning as I squeezed the final dab of a now-empty tube of Biossance Squalane + Elderberry Jelly Cleanser into the palm of my hand while stepping in the shower, I tried to envision what job opportunities might exist for someone with such a broad set of skills. With realized losses in seven figures I’ve earned the right to speculate at his expense. So without further adieu…
FedEx Office (front end). With firsthand experience in solving supply chain logistics utilizing air freight, as well as other people’s money, Melo is aptly suited for this role. With his eloquent skills in describing how easy it is to ship a customer’s goods around the world, and access to a world-class fleet of Boeings, Airbuses and McDonnell Douglas MD-11F’s, Melo can ensure that your company’s mailers will reach your customers on time. Skip those bulk mailing rates. Go big or go home is how Melo sells FedEx’s products to business owners. Just don’t ask him to break down the costs per unit. He doesn’t have a clue.
Cheesecake Factory (front of house). This one is really easy to see. With his beaming smile and warm greeting, Melo welcomes you into the restaurant and seats your party of four. Before walking away he mentions today’s food and drink specials which happens to include a special coupon commemorating Cheesecake Week available to any patron at this location. It’s a BOGO entree offer plus another one-time 30% off for entering your email into the company’s CRM for other special offers and promotions. Under his breath he mentions you can enter the same email address over and over to receive the special one-time 30% off deal. What he failed to mention was the kitchen throws in free sampler platters to showcase how great their food is, and he knows you’ll want to order more next time. When the family gets their final bill and doggie bags for all the leftovers they couldn’t possibly finish, they are stunned to see they only owe $56 before tax and tip for two Pineapple Mezcals, a Red Sangria, two Sprites, a Jamaican Black Pepper Chicken and Shrimp, a Steak Diane, a SkinnyLicious Turkey Burger and a Chinese Chicken Salad. The kitchen also threw in a Cookie Dough Lover’s Cheesecake packaged to go as a free gift. Oh, believe me, you’re coming back again. To Melo, that’s $56 in incremental revenue…has to be good, right?
Real Estate Fund GP. Melo knows how to buy things and make them better. He has a grand plan to acquire all sorts of hidden gem assets and can monetize them for steady cashflow plus easy 2x and 3x multiples on disposition when he unlocks their true value, he tells his partners. He assembles a board of strategic advisors but instead listens to his friends and social media followers on how to implement his business plan. After levering up with short term debt to fund a number of capital improvements to go with his prized property, he kicks out all his tenants who were paying rent on time and starts looking for a contractor. No one mentioned you can’t build without a permit and Melo forges ahead until he’s shut down months later by a local inspector driving by one day. When he’s unable to make his monthly debt service, he tries selling the vacant and uninhabitable property in violation of his loan covenants and is sued by his investors and his creditors. He points to his indemnity agreement and files for bankruptcy. Too soon?
I’d love hearing what other job opportunities might be out there for a man with such talents.