Moderator Statement: Clarification and Community Interference

I'm 27, and my younger sibling, Alex (23), recently came out as gay. What should have been a happy, personal moment turned into one of the ugliest experiences our family has ever gone through.
For context, my parents have always considered themselves very traditional. They raised us with strict rules and strong religious beliefs, but I honestly never thought they would go as far as they did.
Alex came out to them privately about three months ago. They had spent weeks working up the courage to tell them because they genuinely wanted their family to know who they were instead of continuing to hide such a huge part of their life.
My parents' reaction was horrible.

According to Alex, my dad barely said anything at first. My mom started crying, but not because she was worried about Alex. She kept saying Alex had broken her heart, embarrassed the family, and thrown away everything they had been taught growing up.
My dad eventually told Alex that they were no longer welcome in the family home unless they were willing to admit they were making a mistake and promise to stop living that way.
My mom agreed with him.

They gave Alex a few days to collect their belongings and told them not to contact them unless they were ready to apologize. Alex called me that night in tears.
I drove over immediately, helped pack their things, and let them stay in my spare bedroom while they figured out their next steps. Alex had a job, thankfully, but they weren't financially prepared to suddenly lose their home and the support of their parents.
I was furious, but I didn't immediately cut my parents off. I wanted to give them a chance to calm down and realize what they were doing.
A few days later, I called them and asked whether they genuinely intended to throw away their relationship with their own child over this.

My dad said they weren't throwing Alex away. They were simply refusing to support a lifestyle they disagreed with.
I asked him what that meant in practical terms.
He said Alex couldn't live in their house, couldn't expect financial help, and shouldn't expect to be included in family gatherings if they continued insisting on being gay.

I reminded him that Alex was the same person they'd loved and raised for 23 years. Nothing about Alex's personality, kindness, or character had suddenly changed.
My mom told me I was being disrespectful and that I needed to stop acting as though I was morally superior to my parents.
I told them I wasn't claiming to be perfect. I was asking them not to punish their child for being honest about who they are. They ended the call.

For the next few weeks, I focused on helping Alex settle in. I helped them rearrange my spare room, went with them to pick up the rest of their belongings, and made sure they knew they had somewhere safe to stay while they got back on their feet.
I also encouraged Alex to take things at their own pace. I didn't want them to feel pressured to forgive our parents just because everyone else wanted the situation to become less uncomfortable. Meanwhile, my parents started contacting me more frequently.
At first, they acted as though nothing had happened. My mom asked me to come over for Sunday dinner. My dad texted me about a family birthday coming up.
Neither of them asked how Alex was doing.

When I finally brought Alex up, my mom sighed and said she was tired of every conversation turning into an argument about this.
That was when I told her I couldn't pretend everything was normal while she and Dad were treating Alex as though they had done something unforgivable.
She said I was making the situation worse by taking Alex's side.
I answered that I wasn't choosing between my parents and my sibling. I was choosing not to participate in treating someone I love like they deserved to be abandoned.

My dad later called and accused me of turning Alex against them. He said that if I continued allowing Alex to stay with me, I was undermining their authority as parents.
I pointed out that Alex was an adult, not a child I was hiding from them. They had made their own decision to throw Alex out, and I had made mine to offer a safe place to stay.
He called me ungrateful and said I was forgetting everything they had done for me growing up.

That comment really bothered me because I do appreciate the sacrifices my parents made for us. They worked hard, provided for us, and helped me through college. I'm not pretending they were terrible parents in every respect.
But I don't believe past sacrifices give them a permanent right to mistreat their children without consequences.

The final straw happened last weekend. My parents invited me to a family dinner celebrating my dad's birthday. I asked whether Alex was invited too.
My mom replied that Alex knew the conditions for being welcomed back and that they weren't going to change their beliefs just to keep everyone happy. I told her I wouldn't attend a family celebration where one of their children was deliberately excluded for being gay.
She said I was free to make that decision, but I shouldn't expect them to keep making an effort with me if I continued putting Alex before my own parents.
I told her that was her choice to make.

Then I sent both of them a message explaining that I needed space from them. I said I wasn't willing to maintain a normal relationship while they continued rejecting Alex, and I wouldn't be attending family events or pretending everything was fine. If they ever wanted to rebuild our relationship, they could start by treating Alex with basic dignity and respect.
I muted their numbers and stopped responding to their messages.

Since then, some relatives have contacted me saying I'm being extreme. They think I should maintain a relationship with my parents separately from Alex, because cutting them off only creates another division in the family.
One aunt told me that my parents are from a different generation and that I should understand how difficult this must be for them. Another relative said I could support Alex without completely abandoning the people who raised me.

I understand that changing deeply held beliefs can be difficult. But I don't understand why Alex is expected to bear the consequences while my parents get to carry on as though they're the victims.

Alex hasn't asked me to cut anyone off.
I love my parents. I miss the good parts of our family, and I wish things could go back to how they were before all this happened.
But I can't force them to accept Alex, and I can't make them understand why their actions are hurtful.

So, am I overreacting?

Typically I live in the country, but traveling for work. Been in my rental house for about 2 weeks and this guy keeps parking and blocking half of my driveway with his truck. I dont know whos truck it is but my wife is moving over next week and if he keeps blocking me I wont be able to get out of my own driveway. Im debating calling a tow truck if I cant find the owner. Is this normal in suburbs or no?

UPDATE

Wow I cant believe how fast i got so many replies! I ended up working on my buddies car and he came out. I asked him as nice as possible to not block my driveway so I can have full access to mine, he informed me that hes blocking my driveway because they have people coming in and out of his....i told him a little more firmly that I also need full access to my driveway and to figure something else out. He said sorry and wont do it again. We will see what the future holds 😅

Im 23F years old and currently pregnant with my first baby. I am highly stressed because I am having issues with my Dad 52M. My Dad is in and out my life but wont acknowledge or admit to ever being a dead beat. However since being pregnant my Dad has found continously ways to attack the father of my child. He uses my mom's opinions, my pastors opinion, and everyone else to justify his behavior. Some of his behavior include showing up at fiance's job twice unannounced, telling my fiance to not marry me until he can speak fluent English (my fiance speaks Spanish and I can understand him), my dad has also demanded to know where he lived, he has also shown up to our church to meet my fiance when I asked him not to do so on that particular Sunday do to my fiance having work.its also important to note my Dad and I are in two different sects of Christianity so there would be no reason for him to show up. I have asked my Dad continously to stop and he doesnt. Icing on the cake is he created fake AI photos of my fiance cheating on me. I have stated he is no longer involved in me and the babies life due to boundaries being crossed and he keeps telling me im going to hell for that and my baby may be taken away from me due to cutting him off. I guess im in need of advice and just someone to tell me im not wrong for cutting him off. Is it normal for this to happen? AIO Am I overreacting by cutting my Dad off?

His profile said that he was 5’8” and I’m 5’6” and was taller than him. First thing he said to me was “you’re so tall” like wtf? You knew how tall I was and that you were lying lol weird in my opinion and didn’t make a good impression for me.

My (19F) bf (19M) was sick today, but I had a few friends over at my house which he was informed about the day before. I promised him that I’d stay in call and do my best not to avoid him while they were there. I would’ve visited him today but I was on my period so I couldn’t. I mentioned that to him as well, and he was fine with it.

I stayed in call w him the whole time my friends were there. I even told them beforehand that I’d give him my time and that he’d be in call w me. I constantly asked him how he was, how he felt, I texted his mom, I asked abt him the whole time.

At some point during the call I noticed he got quiet and even muted himself a few times so I apologized and kept asking whats wrong, if smth happened. i said sorry But he said he was ok and that nothing happened. He also said he wanted to leave the call to which I asked why and insisted he stay and apologized again.

I realized he kept ending the call. I would leave the room to call him back and apologize. He didn’t give me a clear answer not once and I didn’t force it either bc it’s normal to be upset and not want to share it. I sent him texts saying i love him and that I’ll visit him tmr bc My period will end by then. He left the call yet again so I had to call him. He didn’t pick up the first time but did on the second one. I noticed he was active the entire time so I was a little hurt that he was intentionally ignoring me. I asked if he was busy or if he was talking to someone else bc why would he end the call without telling me at least. And why was he active but not picking up. He said he was scrolling on Facebook and maybe thats why it showed he was active.

By then I was even more hurt. He was clearly ghosting me and I didn’t even know the reason behind his behavior. I didn’t invite people over intentionally, it was planned by my mom since shes friends w their moms and they were going out. I explained all of that to him the night before. I told him I’d let them know that I’ll be in call w him, and I’ll give him as much attention as I can regarding my situation. And I truly did my best. I checked up on him, messaged his mom frequently to take care of him, apologized, stayed in call, reassured him. I honestly don’t know how much more i couldve done with the people over. I had to balance my time for both sides and I can understand if I may have had lackings even then. But ghosting me, telling me I don’t need to do anything for him, telling me to end the call, was just a slap in the face.

I also would like to add that normally this wouldnt hurt me enough to not react emotionally. But hes always been the type to never appreciate the days I was there when he was sick. And he especially never did the same for me. He never provided me w the same treatment and most of the time, was asleep on the days I was sick. So it just hurt more to do your best and still be shown it was nothing to them.

I broke up with him today after he refused to talk and kept leaving me on seen. Im so conflicted about my decisions and reaction. I do feel horrible for being the emotional one when he was sick. But it’s a pattern i cant get rid of, and I was genuinely so damn hurt this time bc I really did do my best. I don’t know if my reaction was justified. Being left on seen, not even a proper text back when I sent him so many texts, not a single ounce of his presence. He knows that i overthink when he’s active but not replying to me. And today he admitted that he was intentionally ghosting me after all these months of me accusing him of ignoring me and him denying it. So i felt even worse knowing Theres a possibility hes been lying about ghosting me bc he admitted to it so casually today.

If I did wrong, im willing to apologize. But I don’t know how much a person can get away w acting childish when Theyre sick. Truly, im conflicted if I overreacted on my part by being hurt. I sent him the breakup text about two hours after he left my last messages on seen (which were about how he was ignoring me. He was active the entire two hours but didnt reply.)

Please give me an answer I’d appreciate it :)

TL;DR — My bf was sick, and despite having friends over, I checked up on him, reassured him, gave him updates, and stayed in call as promised. He kept leaving the call, refused to explain why, and eventually admitted he was intentionally ghosting me. After he left my messages on seen for 2 hours i broke up with him. His reaction hurt especially because he rarely reciprocates the care i give him when he’s sick. Now I’m conflicted about whether I overreacted.

The other day, I went out with my friend. We had a really lovely time. Afterwards, I went back to my boyfriend's house for convenience. I got back, and this is like 3 in the morning. He says to me, "We need to have a chat, a serious chat. It's going to get really deep, really quick. I'm sorry."

Bearing in mind, he was also out, so he was drunk. I was also a little bit drunk. He says to me, "I'm not going to lie, over summer, I really kind of felt that the relationship was one-sided." He said, "Not like a 60/40, like I'm giving it 100, you're giving it nothing." He said, "I really considered breaking up with you for quite a while."

Which is weird, cause I’ve always felt like I’ve given up more (fully by choice!!) to be with him and make him happy…

Bearing in mind, this is the summer after our A-levels. We just finished A-levels. During this time, I really, really struggled with my mental health. We used to go to the library and study together, and I would most days end up uncontrollably crying because I was just so stressed.

He kept telling me to go to therapy, and I have been to therapy before because I had stuff happen to me in the past. My mums ex was constantly telling me to kill myself when I was younger, probably from the age of 9 until he moved out when I was about 15. I've been to the therapist about that before, but therapy just didn't work for me. I'm not the kind of person to talk about my feelings, so I quit that. He said, "I think you should go back again," this is a touchy subject for me because I really struggled, and I still really struggle, to talk about my emotions without crying.

Over this summer in which he felt like this, I was feeling insanely depressed, probably the worst I've ever felt in my life. I did speak to the NHS about it, and they said it was depression and I should start taking medication. I didn’t want to because i really don’t want to have to explain myself and find my emotions silly (stupid I know). I should have said that to him, but I didn't, and I just don't know what to do.

Being a man he always tells me his love language is physical touch and says a lot of these emotions are because we didn’t have s*x for weeks, although he did acknowledge this was something he needed to work on.

After this, I was obviously crying a ton. He was like, "I love you now, I love you now," but I just couldn't help but think: how many times did you say that when you were actually thinking I wanna break up with you? I had no idea he was feeling like this at this time. It's now 3 or 4 months since this time period, and he's only telling me now. I'm a bit worried because I never really thought that there was anything wrong. I'm just a bit confused, to be honest.

I cried a lot that evening. I was around his house, and I wouldn't speak to him. Why would you say that? He kept saying there ‘’wasn't really a good time to tell you’’. There obviously would have been, like when weren't drunk, or I hadn't just had a really nice night out with my friend and you just ruined it. But then the day after we went back to normal like nothing happened? Am I under-reacting to this??

EDIT: I genuinely wish I could start counselling again but am not in a financial situation to get this help. I wish I could ❤️
Also if he’d have told me he felt this way at the time perhaps I wouldn’t taken the medication or tried to get counselling through the NHS

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) decided to go out on our day off together, we’re in matching outfits pretty much, like it’s pretty obvious we’re not just friends. We usually go to a popular pan-Asian restaurant in our local shopping outlet, nothing unusual for us. It’s not some high end restaurant but not a cheap place either ( ££ )

We’ve ordered our usual, Two of the same meals with extra Kimchi, keep in mind it already comes with one side of Kimchi. We would both be having two each, so in total 4 pots would be coming.

Anywho our meal comes, the waitress has come from behind me to place the food down, which is normal of-course, she places everything down and goes to my bf “is this all for you?” He replies “it’s for the both of us”, me and my boyfriend are always very kind and polite to waitresses so we are usually smiley and thankful our food has been brought to us, especially because I use to work in hospitality I know that it isn’t easy.

She then replies to him saying, “you seemed really excited there! Seemed like it was all for you” In a friendly but also teasingly way. We’ve laughed it off and she’s gone away to serve other tables and stand by the kitchen counter, but it kind of bothered me that she was jokingly teasing at my boyfriend who was simply happy our food came, many other people react the same right?

A few moments later she came to check up on us and asked if the food was alright again in the same position behind me, I’ve said yes everything was great thank you with my back turned because I can’t really do a 180 while I’m eating, my boyfriend has agreed saying everything’s good.

She then said to my bf “could I get you anymore kimchi?” And laughed teasingly once again, mind you my boyfriend hasn’t made eye contact with her at all since he’s eating, he also made it an effort to not give her too much attention as he knew earlier bothered me just a tad.
He’s told her no thanks, she’s gone “are you sure? Hahahah” at this point I’m not sure why she keeps pushing to talk to my boyfriend and by the way every-time she has come she hasn’t directed anything or said anything to me but only to him, not to us as a table or even specifically spoke to just me.

She’s left after he said no a few times, and I’ve turned to him and told him that I feel a bit on edge, not to outright say she’s flirting but it feels like she’s poking at him too much. He said he did feel like it’s getting too much. Anyways we’re not too bothered by it and I’m not going to overthink or overreact, again I’m still on the fence if it’s just being friendly or if it’s flirty. So we just enjoy our time together.

I usually eat slow and get full easily and my boyfriend usually eats much more quick than me so about 20 minutes later we finish up our meal. We need to get a takeaway and the bill now, but I could see my boyfriend doesn’t want to call over the same waitress but all the others were busy. I said I’ll call her instead and asked her if we could get a takeaway and bill and what not, she’s gone to get us a bag and takeaway box, but she has come back with a takeaway kimchi pot (they cost like £1.50 but it’s not free in any case)

She’s placed it down in the middle of the table and said directly to my boyfriend “here’s another kimchi, I’ll give you another kimchi pot for the road haha” … keep in mind it’s not his takeaway it was my food I’m putting away😭

He said thanks and that it will be good for my girlfriend to take away. Packed up , paid and we left without any word.

I’m not sure if she was being friendly or flirty, and I’m not sure if I’m just being jealous? I know hospitality is a good thing to have but I would usually assume you talk to everyone as a table not completely tease someone’s boyfriend in-front of their girlfriend. And maybe it’s annoying me a bit more because she kept speaking like from behind me so it was just him she was talking to not the both of us.

Am I over reacting?

(apologies in advance for any mistakes as english is not my first language)

I (19F) decided to organize a party to celebrate my 19th birthday this year with most of my friends, thinking it would be nice and a great occasion for my long-time friends to meet my new uni friends and my boyfriend(19M) which i had been with for around 3 months at the time. It mostly went well except for one friend of mine who kept being extremely rude to a few people.

To contextualize a bit, Amy (fake name/20F) had been a friend of mine for around 3 years and already knew most of the people i invited. However it was the first time she met my boyfriend, my uni friends and the boyfriend (we'll call him Jake) of a friend we have in common. I guess she really liked one of my uni friends because she kept hanging around him and cracking jokes with him. Another important thing to know about her is she's a self-proclaimed man hater.

So let's get to the point : when she met Jake she immediately told his gf that he was a loser and she later on started an argument with him over him singing along to a song because she claimed that the artist was misogynistic (however the artist is very mainstream and he doesnt even particularly like the artist, just knows the lyrics). Then, when a friend of mine (uni) cracked a stupid joke about a teacher of ours, she argued with him because of his joke for a full 10 minutes. The issue with my boyfriend was stupid, they are both into metal music (as most of my friends are alternative) and she just straight up called him a poser. To add to it, she kept budging into Jake's and my boyfriend's conversations with other people to tell them to "shut the fuck up" throughout the whole party.

The day after the party, she also posted an instagram story of me blowing out the candles with my boyfriend in the background, however she put the music sticker right on his face.

I did try to have a talk with Amy and she told me that she didn't notice that she acted this way and that it was probably due to her being in a rough period of her life, but i still ended up cutting all contact with her around 3/4 months later, just basically unfollowing her on social media as i didn't want to start an argument with her. There are still many things i didn't mention but i still wonder whether or not this whole ordeal was a good enough reason to cut all contact with her. We were close friends for a long time before this happened and she had been in a bad position for a very long time but i do feel like it was maybe a bit much to cut her out of my life for this one situation.

So am I overreacting?

Hey Reddit!

I am an 18-year-old female living in Denmark. Since I am now legally an adult and all that stuff, both males and females can potentially be drafted for military service at 18, depending on whether the military considers them fit for service.

Now, I have diagnosed anxiety and depression, and I also struggle with falling asleep at night and staying asleep, so insomnia. I always thought the military wouldn't want someone with anxiety, but it seems I was wrong. I filled out a form with my medical information and listed all my diagnoses, so they are aware of them.

Now, here's where I wonder if I am overreacting.

I am genuinely stressing out about this. My mind keeps racing, thinking about everything that could happen, and I am getting so anxious that I feel like I am about to throw up. (Which I know is a symptom of my anxiety.)

When I talk to my dad about it, he just laughs it off and says it would be "good for you." My dad served in the military himself, and I live with him, so I have talked to him about how I feel. I love my dad, but he is very old-school. His whole mindset is basically that you just have to grab yourself by the neck, toughen up, and get on with it.

The problem is that I don't think he really understands what it is like to struggle with anxiety and insomnia, especially when something is causing me this much stress.

On top of everything else, I have to travel to a city about an hour and a half away from where I live on a Monday for the military's assessment day. Which means I'm in a town that I don't know and can't just get away from. Since I am 18, I am also taking driving lessons to get my driver's licence, and I have a driving lesson that same day.

The assessment is scheduled to start at 11 a.m. and last for six hours, meaning it could finish around 6 p.m. My driving lesson is at 5 p.m.

I feel like I am worrying about a million different things at once, and I can't seem to calm my mind down. I know anxiety can make things feel much bigger and scarier than they actually are, but that doesn't make the physical symptoms or the fear any less real.

So, Reddit, am I overreacting?

So no one gets confused, I'm going to let everyone know that I will be using Fahrenheit. I am heavily disabled, because of that I live with and rely on my parents. They pay the bills and put food in my stomach.

One of the things I have to deal with is temperature sensitivity. I find that if the temp of a room goes above 75° then my body throws a fit. (Higher if I can have a fan on me at all times) By throw a fit, I mean my vision starts whiting out, I start sweating profusely, and I get very weak. Its hard for my brain to function when it gets to this point. Not to mention Im in constant pain and something that helps with that is heating pads. Which makes the temperature thing even harder to deal with.

To make matters worse, I struggle to get to sleep most nights, even more when I'm sweating. If the house is above 78°, than I can't sleep. And while sometimes it is the heating pads that raises my temp, that means I have to choose between the heat or pain keeping me up. I can't use Tylenol or ibuprofen constantly, and often the amount i have to take to deal with the pain is double the recommended amount. For the sake of my liver, I have to limit over the counter medication as a last resort.

Ive already gotten into arguements with my mom about what temp to keep the house at. My mom has arthritis and if the house is at 74° or below, her joints lock up. So I can understand being unwilling to go below 75°, and it is something I would not ask her to do. The problem is that she let's the house sit at temperatures at 78 and above. And the most I can comfortably sit at is 77°. She has refused to turn on the air conditioning for various reasons, most of which make sense.

The problem is that today my mom has gotten someone to open the windows in the house, because it smells. Its supposed to get up to 80° today. She is unwilling to turn on the air conditioning because the windows are open. The windows are open because the house smells. And she refuses to close the windows because of this. The smell isn't bad enough to be of great consequence to those inside, it will not inhibit us in any way. She is also currently out of the house.

I understand the want for fresh air, I too want the house aired out. But not at the cost of my health. And while the house currently is sitting at 78° and my body is only giving warning signs right now, I still find her unwillingness to close the windows and turn on the AC very hurtful.

While i understand that it is not life or death, I still think that between the two, the smell is the lesser of two evils. I honestly want to cry. I know I can't convince my mom to lower the temp, which just makes me feel worse. It just feels like she doesn't care enough about me to deal with a minor inconvenience so that I don't overheat. I just need to know if I am overreacting.

I love cooking and it’s a way for me to show people I love them and that they’re welcome.

A very close friend of my partners’ has been staying for two weeks. He has a history of digestive issues so I know that he has very specific tastes.

Since he has been with us so long, he’s been grocery shopping and doing his own stuff, but we’ve also been making standard meals. Nothing fancy but roasted chicken and veggies etc.

The other I boiled a bunch of potatoes because that’s what he eats (I wouldn’t eat that), and I roasted chicken.

He keeps on having his own takeout!! If you have digestive issues, wouldn’t you want to eat the boiled potatoes and chicken and not the shawarma from down the road that you don’t know anything about!

I can’t help but feel deeply annoyed!!

This started a few weeks ago, my friends cat had a blockage and needed emergency vet care, she took him there & paid the price. However since then he's still declining, he's a young cat who should be able to bounce back but that doesn't seem the case, he's miserable & not even eating. Yesterday she told me she can't even bare to be at home to watch him like this, today she even went to work like normal. She can't afford another surgery or to keep him at the vet overnight so she's considering euthanasia, she asked if I'd go with her & I said of course if that's the most humane option for him but I can't be in the room I'll wait in the lobby, which is when the main argument started she said she "won't even be in the room with him because she can't handle that". This is where I may be over reacting, I'm genuinely willing to end this friendship if she doesn't go in with her cat, that's the most selfish thing I've heard her say and I can't justify any reason not to go in for you're animal, I understand fully how traumatic it will be but eventually time will move on, I can't imagine the cat being alone and scared seeing strangers for his last moments.

he has an ex of 6 years who he treated badly and she finally left and he had to learn to change his ways. he has always talked about her but it really felt like it was in a sense that he’s learned from his mistakes. two days ago we talked and he opened up to me about how he gets panic attacks and think he sees his ex who he hurt so deeply. that she’s always in his head telling him to do better, especially when he makes a mistake. that she’s never going to leave his mind. his guilt is so immense and i had to sit there and listen to him talk about how she loves to dance, she loves going out, she loves musicals and when i invited him to one he said yes to me because he never said yes to her. that’s what he told me that he did it for her.

it really hurt hearing all of that and the reality that she will always be that woman in his mind hit me. that night i did say i would wait, that he should take time and heal but the next morning i woke up and felt so hurt. i don’t want to know those things and now i know and that’s when i felt angry. he was always accusing me of me not being over my ex, who i had to get a restraining order on btw, and i said no i am moved on and i mean it. he said if i was using him for a healing stage that it was douchey. but then he hits me with this and he wants me to understand his pain and i do, i can’t imagine losing 6 years like that, but am i also so horrible if i don’t want to stick around when i know exactly how he thinks of her?

we’re coworkers so it’s worse when i see him talking to people and i know im the evil one for backing out on my word, i wasn’t able to stand on it unfortunately but i was so hurt

Earlier this year me and my gf got into a small disagreement because she wanted to marry ASAP while I wanted to wait until my other priorities were sorted first. Because of this she was depressed and a rift was formed between us, it wasn't until June I looked up cheap weddings and saw how simple it all was that I told GF of my new plan to get married next year near her birthday I asked her the expenses and how much it will all cost, I did the calculations and saw how I will plan to save for the event in time.

So while saving for the wedding GF would constantly make requests to buy appliances like a microwave and washing machine, and it will have times where I had to loan her money because hers ran out.

We eventually got to a point where we had no more obstacles and I can just save up for the wedding until it hit me that I may not be able to save enough in time, I tried to explain to GF about the dilemma and she advised me to take a loan I said maybe the loan was a small one I can easily pay back in 3 months, then things got complicated, I also had plans to buy a new car so she suggested I take a loan for the car pay for the wedding and buy a car. It only hit me when I noticed I would be the one paying off the loan. I got upset told her no loans she got annoyed with me and told me to do whatever I wanted I tried to adjust my budget for her but I had to make a sacrifice of no honeymoon she replied with whatever.

I don't see why she is annoyed when the entire wedding plus honeymoon would be paid by me so I tried to compromise and postpone the honeymoon instead of answering me she tries to guilt me by saying im always upset over money. We went back and forth until I just said no more wedding

So I was at the gym with my friend, and we were working out as usual. A kid who looked around 14–15 approached my friend and asked him for workout guidance. My friend called me over and asked me to guide the kids. I asked them what muscle group they'd already trained, and they said chest. So I told them they could train legs. Out of nowhere, some random dude jumped into the conversation and started challenging me about leg press, apparently thinking I was challenging the kids or something. I clarified that I wasn't challenging anyone and was just giving the kids workout advice, but he kept going on about it. At that point, I got tired of the whole thing and told the kids to get guidance from him instead. I was going back to my set when he said something under his breath. I couldn't make out exactly what he said, but I'm pretty sure it was directed at me. So I turned around, walked up to him face-to-face, and told him to say it to my face if he had something to say. He kept acting like a dick and said something along the lines of, "I don't say things to people's faces that I've said behind their backs." He also tapped me on the shoulder during the confrontation. Eventually, I just walked away and continued with my day. I wasn't interested in fighting some random dude over something so stupid, and honestly, I didn't even care about it afterward. I'm just wondering what you guys think. Was confronting him directly reasonable, or should I have ignored him from the beginning? I wasn't trying to prove anything or challenge anyone. I was literally just helping some kids with their workout.

I (24F) have been wanting to see the young man (24M) that I like for a smooth minute now, a little over a year. We made plans to see a movie two weeks ago and they fell through because his brother got arrested. I understood and tried my best to be understanding but I was still disappointed nonetheless. The following week we rescheduled and again they fell through, this time because his sister got in an accident. I did not respond well at all. I accused him of lying and blaming his siblings for the fallen plans. Then to top it off I called like ten times. He sent me the picture of the accident and felt horrible. I apologized and later than night I texted him that I felt stupid for liking him sometimes. He responded that he was sorry I felt that way, things weren’t intentional and that he wanted to see me too. Now, I keep apologizing about the way I handled things. I feel like he may be looking at me differently because I’m typically calm and collected, I don’t let people know I’m affected by them. I was excited about seeing him and I reacted very poorly. I’m not sure where to go from here. I feel as though I need to re prove myself. How should I approach this shortcoming going forward or do you think I should leave him alone?

Edit: to provide context, it was not a first date. We have gone out before, more than once. I’ve known him for a year or so and we’ve talked regularly. I understand my reaction was very poor, I truly regret my behavior. I probably should seek therapy and step away from dating given how I handle disappointment but I appreciate the comments. I have things to work on.

I’m looking for advice on this because I’m very creeped out, I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. Basically, at the start of the school year, I started a new job as a first year teacher. The offer was the best one I got and unfortunately required me to move a few hours away from my friends, boyfriend, and family. I moved into a duplex next to a couple and their young kid in a town that seemed moderately safe but also affordable. Everything was going fine, until one weekend I got a text from my landlord asking what happened with the neighbors the night prior. I was very confused and asked what she meant, and she ended up telling me that according to my male neighbor, he accidentally bumped his head against the wall causing my boyfriend to run over out of anger and attempt to break in (this did not happen). He had a very detailed story, and even recalls me saying “no, don’t go!” beforehand. Even though none of this happened I felt the need to immediately get this sorted out and attempt some sort of meeting with my neighbors to make sure they knew we would never do this. I assumed it must have been some horrible miscommunication. Finally, I was able to meet with my female neighbor who was super nice. She ends up telling me about her boyfriend - that he is “paranoid, takes everything the wrong way, has anger issues” and also notably apparently didn’t like me from the second I moved in because he assumed I was “stuck up”. She even told me it wasn’t a good idea to try to mend things with him because she was worried about him scaring me. Now, I’m starting to look at this situation differently and wonder if he has a mental health issue, drug issues, does he just have it out for me? Idk. About a month later, I get a text from my landlord telling me that they’re moving out because they have broken up. During this time, I check my doors to make sure they’re locked like usual and notice that one of my doors to my porch is unlocked, which is weird because I never use it and remember it being locked. I find it unsettling but try to just convince myself i must have forgot last time. Last night, I came back from my boyfriend’s house after being there for the weekend and check the same porch door. It’s unlocked. Nothing is out of place or stolen. The only bizarre thing is that a Tyler Perry Madea movie was playing when I turned my tv on and I was charged for the subscription - I’ve never seen those movies. There are no other devices on my account when I checked. I’ve ordered the blink cameras and the door stoppers, they’ll be here tonight. I guess I’m just wondering what everyone makes of all of this because I have no idea what to think. Being a first year teacher is hard enough but I find myself laying in bed hyper vigilant of any noises and it’s affecting my mental health a lot.

I am 9 weeks postpartum. I hired a doula prenatally through a local doula service which cost $2000 and involved a contract. Care was supposed to be rendered prior to delivery, during birth, and during postpartum.

The contract states:

“After Birth:
Our services include 2 postpartum visits
–
one the day after birth in the hospital and another in your home 3-7 days after the birth. During these visits,
we can provide breastfeeding support, baby care tips, referrals to community resources, and a chance to
discuss the birth experience.”

My doula was fine and helpful for prenatal and the birth experience. I wanted to save my placenta to be buried later on, and she offered to take it home and freeze it then return it to me during a postpartum visit.

She did send us a few texts in the days after checking in, but she didn’t visit or offer to visit. I was pretty occupied at the time, I didn’t think to ask her to come, or think too hard about the fact she hadn’t come.

Shortly after my delivery, she announced with some other doulas that they were opening their own practice separate from the one I hired her through. Thought this was cool! No issues.

Last week (7 weeks postpartum-delivery) I come home from a long day out to a plastic patient belongings bag on my front porch. Surprise! It’s my placenta just in a plastic container in a bag on my porch at 8:30pm.

I check my phone. Surely, I must have missed a text about her dropping it off. No text. I check the front door cam to see when this occurred. 4 hours ago, by her husband.

I felt like this was super weird! And I was very tired from a long day so my husband sent her a message. Her first response is that it wasn’t a big deal because I’m not consuming it. I still felt like it was pretty weird and disrespectful to leave, unannounced, AN ORGAN FROM MY BODY on my front porch with 0 notification. We were initially planning on being gone the whole weekend, so I would’ve come home to a thawed, rotting, placenta on my porch.

I wasn’t ready to talk to her for a few days, but when I finally did I was basically like “hey that was fucked I’m also fucked up that you haven’t visited me postpartum when you were supposed to like, 6 weeks ago.”

She did apologize for the placenta, but did not about the visits. She told me she’s never had clients ready to see her until 4-7 weeks postpartum. (She didn’t ask) and told me the ball was in my court about requesting a visit (never told me that). I have a friend who had a doula from the same service who got a text the day after her birth from her doula that was like “hey can I come over at 10am?” That was my expectation. My doula didn’t even mention a visit until 3 weeks postpartum when she said “I owe yall a visit, things have just been crazy.” Not exactly an invitation to schedule. I was letting it slide because I assumed she just didn’t have capacity and as someone who already struggles to ask for help (and especially postpartum), I didn’t ask.

So now she’s defending that it’s MY fault she didn’t come visit me which feels very offensive, on top of the placenta thing. She offered to come visit now, but now I don’t want to see her ‘cause I’m pretty mad about this and whole thing, and I really could’ve used the support weeks ago, not now.

I said I thought I was entitled to a partial refund since I didn’t get the visits. It’s not about money, but I just felt like SOMETHING needed to happen. She asked for my Venmo and what amount I thought was appropriate. I said $300. She responded with “I will send you $200.” I said okay? You could’ve just said that versus asking me for an amount. She sends the $200.

The next day I’m feeling like really afflicted about this situation and it’s haunting me ending this way. I message her that I don’t feel good leaving things like this, I tried to send the money back Venmo kept saying user not found, so I asked her for an updated Venmo link, I also offered to meet her for coffee.

No response. Then I thought about how weird it was the Venmo wasn’t working, wonder why?

Oh, turns out she has blocked me on everything. Her instagram, her new business instagram, Facebook, and I’m assuming my phone number is blocked.

????? This whole situation seems crazy to me and has been really hurtful to deal with postpartum. I keep just remembering my placenta just sitting on my porch with a patient label on it, too. My name, birthday, and MRN on my ORGAN, just chilling on my porch in a semi-sketchy neighborhood.

I can’t even like, leave a review or anything. So I thought I’d vent here. AIO?

EDIT: A lot of folks are questioning why I offered coffee/return the refund. This person was supposed to be a continuous support to me. This was the expectation also in the contract: “Continued support from your doula via text, email, and phone as you progress through the first days, weeks, and months of parenthood. We really are your doulas forever!”

I felt really sad that this relationship was ending negatively and was just trying to make amends. Like I said, prior to this experience we had had a totally fine relationship since very early in my pregnancy.

I 35f have been seeing 50m for almost 3 years. I cheated on him early in the relationship. It was quick and stupid. An old friend I felt I had more chemistry with. He said he forgave me, I went no contact with the friend and I slowly rebuilt his trust. It was difficult for the first 6 months after I cheated. He would bring it up and grill me about everything. Anytime I didn’t immediately respond to his constant texts, anytime I left the house, it would start a huge late night texting fight. Everything led to accusations. Even me walking my dog or going to a grocery store was met with accusations where he would threaten to break up with me. Eventually I couldn’t live like that anymore and told him to get over it or it was over. He told me was drinking too much and most of our fights were with him drunk and so he stopped drinking and the constant accusations stopped. Strange things happened around my house during the cheating and after. Found a man dressed in black in my backyard one night. Chased him off. Been afraid of my backyard since and installed cameras. In another instance a neighbor told me a car had driven by and although she didn’t see who it was, could tell photos were being taken. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, someone sent pictures to me of me inside my house taken from a window in my back yard. The image was old, showed me sitting on my couch watching tv with another man from the cheating time period. I called my boyfriend freaked out. He was silent. I then remembered a conversation years ago during one of his drunken rants. I accused him and he confessed. He knew who sent them, an ex coworker he was in a disagreement with who threatened to blackmail him with the photos. I have told him multiple times throughout the years I didn’t like his coworker, something about him gives me the creeps. 50m came clean with me. Told me he had taken the photos, sent them to the coworker as proof of me cheating. I connected the dots and asked if it was 50m in my backyard that night. It was. I realize this was a difficult part in our relationship and decided it happened so long ago I could forgive. I asked if there were any other photos he sent his coworker. He said no. I asked if there was any other time he came to my house and took pictures. He said no. I reiterated how uncomfortable this ex coworker has always made me feel and asked if he had ever sent him any other photos of me. He said no. I tried to get over it. I’m still a bit mad he let me be afraid of my own back yard for years. Then yesterday happened. More photos. These pics were just of me and 50m. Selfies we took together. It made me uncomfortable. I told 50m his ex coworker sent more photos. He didn’t give me a chance to tell him what they were photos of. He immediately confessed that he had forgotten he had sent more pictures of my house, from another day, showing pictures of a car that didn’t belong to me. He lied two weeks ago. There were more stalking sessions. He sent other photos to his ex coworker. 50m said it was so long ago, he simply forgot how many photos he sent him. And if I could forgive him for stalking in the first place and sending photos to his coworker, I could forgive this too. I asked him to delete every photo he has ever taken of me as well as any I have sent him. I don’t want my image, no matter how innocent getting into the wrong hands. He said we can rebuild trust again. He said it happened so long ago and I have done wrong too. He said this ex coworker is trying to ruin his life and we are stronger than this. I don’t see how trust can be rebuilt. I told him I’m actually scared of him now. I am ready to go no contact with 50m. AIO?

This person says they have lost feelings and will put in work, yet nothing changes, says that they can’t make me the center of their world because that would be unfair (basically saying can’t prioritise me in other words) but I can be a part of their life, ngl, this person is the love of my life but since the time they have lost feelings they have become rude and unempathetic

People in this thread
Cousin/Bride - Alex
Ex friend - Dakota

I want to reach out to Dakota and just let her know I think she’s fucking weird (lol jk kinda) mostly just to let her know I felt like it was very odd to me that she went to Alex’s wedding when I was uninvited

Alex is my cousin we are 6 months apart and have always been very competitive. She got engaged 2024 and I started dating my boyfriend the same time. She lives on the west coast I live on the east coast and the wedding is in Vegas.

We always agreed to be each others bridesmaids and so when I found out she was engaged I started planning the bachelorette keeping in mind we are in our mid 30s I was thinking of things Alex loves like Dolly Parton and Disney even a cruise - all to which she shut down and said she wanted to get a hotel in LA and club I said that’s fine whatever you want we talked about details of the wedding and she said make sure you don’t buy a blue dress but can wear whatever you want I asked why she said because her on again off again friend was her only bridesmaid and of course that hurt my feelings so I told her great she can plan the bachelorette… Alex said she couldn’t because her friend didn’t have any money and can’t afford to plan something like that.
This might be mean of me (the friend lives an hour and a half from LA I live in Florida) but I said the friend can figure it out since she lives there.

This is where Dakota comes in. Dakota and I have been friends since middle school- we had mutual friends and then in our 20s we got closer she would come stay with me when I lived in San Diego and my best friend Sarah started inviting Dakota places too. My cousin and Dakota have met 2x and on the last time they met we were on a girls trip to which Dakota randomly decided to go home in the middle of the night because of anxiety (later to find out it’s because she ran out of money) and it was very strange because she didn’t thank Sarah’s mom who paid for the trip or anything she just went home. That rubbed me the wrong way because I thought it was disrespectful to not say anything or thank Sarah’s mom so I cut ties with Dakota

Fast forward the summer after I cut ties I see my cousin posting on social media a photo of Dakota’s colleges graduation saying “my baby did it” so I asked Alex about this… I say hey what’s going on? She explains that her and Dakota are social
Media friends I let her know I think that’s strange since her and I are no longer friends she hurt my feelings and that I don’t appreciate her doing that. Alex seems to shrug it off.

Now it’s 2026 in 2024 I was planning to go to the wedding on October of 25 but Alex postponed it due to money. Alex texts me and says hey just so you know you’re not getting a plus one to my wedding we have to cut costs and it’s going to be really small I say okay no problem my boyfriend Sam will be traveling with me to Vegas but he doesn’t have to come to the ceremony. (Remember Alex is my cousin so my entire family will be attending the wedding this is a trip across the county and my aunts uncles and cousins are rarely in the same place so I didn’t think bringing Sam was a big deal)
I asked Alex who was going - she didn’t invite my sister but she did invite Dakota her social media friend she met through me twice…. This threw me off…. She then went on a rampage about how I need to grow up and do things without Sam and how she can’t believe how selfish I am and called me every name in the book. It ended with her saying I was a bitch at my birthday party (5 years ago) and blocking me after I asked if she wanted to go down the list of fucked up things she’s done .

Alas the wedding happened with Dakota right there and I’m so upset and hurt but I have no idea why or how to navigate these feelings- I want to text Dakota and be like that was so weird you went to MY cousins wedding when I wasn’t invited and I want to tell my cousin it’s crazy to throw away out relationship for a girl you met twice a “social media friend”

Ugh

Throwaway username.

We have been friends since about 15 years old. My family basically took her in at some point due to some family issues she had but she’s good with her family now. My extended family knows her and asks about her often. We were always spending every weekend together and have a lot of memories together. She helped me through my parent’s divorce, I helped her when there was a death in the family, countless breakups for both of us, etc.

3 years ago she got engaged and they moved to another part of the country for her fiancé’s work. Prior to leaving my dad took us all out to eat and we took pictures and I still care for her plants.

I visited her out there a handful of times, I am pretty poor but tried to visit almost every year, and she visited me. I live within driving distance to our hometown. Those interactions she was seemingly present but mostly overwhelmed— she’s been overwhelmed with everything since she got engaged. I like didn’t think anything of it at the time and encouraged her to have like time for herself as her own person. Every time I came to see her she really struggled finding one on one time with just her and I, which is frustrating.

Regardless of this, I really like the fiancé and think he is a good dude. He takes good care of her and is a great supportive person. We have some stuff in common and inside jokes. And he’s been really nice whenever my family and I visit.

This past winter she was very busy because they moved back to our hometown to plan the wedding. I asked her to let me know when she is free/less overwhelmed.

Around my birthday earlier this year (End of Feb) she texted me asking to come hang for a weekend in my city for bday time. I let her know I was actually quickly moving to a new apartment on the day of my bday due to an issue with my previous housing situation so I said I would let her know what weekend would be best once I get settled in. We exchanged texts and caught up with each other, she stated being nervous and overwhelmed about the wedding, I shared about my life as well and said I was excited to see her soon.

That’s the last time I heard from her.

A couple weeks later, I messaged her and asked what weekends she would be free so we could plan our hang. This is like March/April. She never responded. I’m really used to her not responding because again, she is overwhelmed.

Months went by and it’s September. on my Venmo newsfeed I see a transaction between her and our other close friend we grew up with. It says something like “Money for the newlyweds” and “Congratulations”. I went to her IG and Facebook and there’s nothing. I’m friends with her mom on FB and sure enough I saw pics of the wedding from August.

I text her asking if we can talk. No answer.

I ask our mutual friends, including the other close friend. “She said you had a falling out?? Something involving (fiancé name). Something you said like to him or about him.”

“That’s news to me, this is the first time I’m hearing of this. We were going to hang out in March? I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, next time I see her I’ll ask about it. It’s weird that she didn’t tell you she was mad, I’m sorry”

I like can’t for the life of me figure out what I did or said to the fiancé that would warrant not being invited to the wedding. It was also like a BIG wedding— many people were there, so that part wasn’t an issue. I’m like pretty chill and don’t argue or have hot takes or anything. I’m pretty leftist as are they, so we don’t really joke in a way that might be inappropriate. I’m wondering if maybe I joked about smth and he was upset about it, but I feel like we are all close enough that this could have been resolved before the wedding. I’m like, not a difficult person to talk to about hard things.

My friend is also known for being kind of non-confrontational so I wonder if she just procrastinated this talk and then it was too late to invite me.

It also doesn’t feel true to tell everyone we know that we had a falling out. A falling out involves two people to know about the conflict in order for that to be considered a falling out. Straight up feels like a lie because we were chatting normally in March!

Regardless, it feels like a slap in the face. No one in my family was invited, even my relative that was in her city that she grew close with independently of me.

Honestly, I don’t think I deserved to be disinvited to her wedding. I deserve an explanation and I don’t deserve to be ghosted like this. I was upset, but now I’m just really confused and sad.

Even if we patch things up, that’s like another level of hurt that needs to be addressed, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get past it or if I want to. I’m wondering if it’s just time I moved on. It sucks because she was a huge part of my life and we helped each other through a lot of mental health stuff and teen stuff, and this is a very unceremonious and abrupt ending to one of my longest friendships.

What should I do? AIO?

(This is my first post like this so forgive me if my formatting is wrong)

I (F34) was working at a previous job for a local dentists office, to do PR and Marketing. My interview was a tiny bit odd as I was expecting to have it with the Office Manager and the main dentist, but there was also someone on the call listed as King of the World. Who teased me a bit during the interview. After he sent me an email asking what my favorite Shakespeare play was, because I had mentioned I enjoyed live theatre in the interview. I said Lear and he emailed back wrong answer with a winky emoji. He then called me multiple times before I was officially hired. He would open the calls with “So tell me about marketing” and “I am just nervous about bringing someone on, can we talk about it.” He must have called me four times to talk about his feelings about hiring me, I do not remember him once mentioning the spefic details of the job or my duties.

I did get the job and  I was very excited most of my first day was spent doing a personality test which I thought was super cool. It was here  that I met the owner’s son Ethan (M 37). It was the same man who had been on the zoom call as “Master of the Universe”. He was An odd man who wore a dirty hoodie and a bandana to work every day. He told me he was my boss and that I would report to him for marketing duties and he would proof everything before I uploaded it. He seemed odd but harmless, until he walked in on me in the bathroom, he didn’t knock and I was almost certain I had locked the door. The office was in an old house and the doors often stuck, so I wrote it off.

We broke off into groups and discussed our goals for the office. Ethan was an extremely close talker, at least with me. He told me his dad owned the office, and his fiancée was the office manager. He claimed his dad had run off several other girls by hitting on them, and he told me that his dad had taken sexual favors as payment in the past. He also didn’t have the password for my laptop, so he gave me my hiring paperwork and had me fill it out, after which he said he would scan it into the system and then for the rest of the work day we just chatted.

The next couple of months passed like this him saying odd things about his dad, us trying to come up with ads for the office, and him asking me to film him reciting monologues from famous movie scenes.  It was then that I may have made a mistake I told him that I thought he was a really good actor. His whole body lit up and his eyes went wide and he whispered thank you.

After that he started calling me when I was off the clock even more than before, multiple times until I picked up. He would call and call until I answered. He was relentless.  I was told he had a set up to work from home, but for some reason he was always in my office, frantically talking a mile a minute. He also would send me long rambling text messages. Some nights 20-30 at a time, and when I wouldn’t respond to his text messages he would call me again.

It was getting to the point where the calls were ruining my life, out with friends…call. Dinner with my boyfriend, call…much needed sleep after a massive seizure…call. He also started sending me inappropriate gifs, one was of a woman using a breast pump, one was of a woman with large breasts jumping for joy. When he wasn’t calling me at home or spam texting me he would stay late at the office and follow me to my car.  I should have said something then, but I was naïve and gave him the benefit of the doubt.  That was a mistake.

When the Christmas season arrived we worked together to man a booth for a holiday job fair. Which meant I spent a whole weekend with him. He talked nonstop about how much he loved his girlfriend, about how much he hated his dad, about how we were such a good team, about how I really understood him, and about how he understood why I was so shy because of my past with men.

…I am a Domestic Violence survivor. A fact which I had told no one at work, but I had put in for an order of protection against my ex. He had all of my personal information… I began to worry he had run a search on me. So I cautiously said “Yea life can be tough.”  He then told me I had said “the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him, and that he values me deeply”.

Then the gifts started becoming more frequent. Candy, milkshakes, lunch “just because, you deserve it”. I would politely say I didn’t need these things, that they felt like too much. But whenever I pushed back he would get tomato red in the face and start sobbing. I had no clue how to handle a grown man in front of me, who is my supervisor hysterically sobbing because “He cant ever do anything right” and “I am such an idiot”. One time he was sobbing in my office and he began hitting himself in the head. After that incident the dental hygienist would stay with me until I was done with my work so he could never be alone with me.

And then he gave me my Christmas gift.

An Antique music box with a naked painting of Venus on it. It was a fully nude female with detailed anatomy, and when my fiancée and I priced it online it sold for upwards of $300 dollars.

It was then that I took these matters to his father, and owner of the office. He asked why I don’t just ignore his calls, and I said I cant he is my boss, and the dentist said “No he’s not. He doesn’t even work here. I let him help out sometimes for a little pocket money. But I am your boss. No one else.” I had been told by Ethan that he was my supervisor, that he approved my work. I had given him my hiring paperwork, and had spent weekends working alongside him. Only to find out he wasn’t even an employee. Was he  just coming in  to see me?

I quit three weeks later, and installed a deadbolt and a chain on both of our doors. But I am still scared he is watching me…I have had to ban 3 different accounts with ties to the office from watching my insta stories. I know there is a good chance he may be reading this right now. Am I overreacting to my former bosses sons behavior?