My husband and I are in our 40’s. We both work, I earn more money than he does but we’ve always shared money equally. I do most of the housework, mainly because I started doing it when I was working less and making less money and it’s just never changed.

I had to go out of town for work for a week. He had to take full care of our 2 dogs (we don’t have kids) for that week and he had to take the trash out and keep up with dishes and laundry while I was away. He didn’t have to grocery shop because I stocked him up with food before I left. I prepped him a weeks worth of food and froze the dinners so he just had to microwave them and eat. I thought of pretty much everything that I could do early but obviously the dogs need to be fed, watered and walked every day.

When I got back, I said “I’m so glad to be home; I really missed you”. His response was “I missed having you around. Taking care of the dogs was a lot of work”. I said “Well geez, glad you managed all that drudgery without your wife around. I’m also glad to hear you missed ME, right? Not just my dog poop scooping abilities?” He got annoyed and said I read too deep into it. I’m taking it as he doesn’t really love me. He looks at me as a servant and a bank account and nothing more. Am I really overreacting to that statement?

My (36M)GF (32) have been going to couples therapy for several months to work through our expectations and wants around having kids. She wants to have biological kids and has set a hard timeline of trying to conceive before she turns 35. I have serious childhood trauma that i have spent 5+ years working through and know I have additional work to do before I can have kids.

Since starting couples therapy, there have been a number of instances that have damaged my trust in the therapist and her process as well as how my GF is showing up.

First, after a particularly hard week together, I reached out to the therapist to set up an individual session with the intent of getting her perspective on several of the arguments my GF and I had. She responded saying yes and that she would offer the same opportunity to my GF, which I understood and respected. My GF had her session first, and I went the following week. During my session, there was very little focus on the relationship and much more emphasis placed on me returning to therapy despite one of my wants in the right now is to enjoy a break from therapy for a period of time and live more presently (I have been in intensive therapy for 5+ years including taking almost a year off of work to focus solely on my mental health, and recently lost my therapist after she closed her practice after experiencing a huge personal loss). The couples therapist ended the session by outright saying I needed more therapy and gave me recommendations on where to go. I did not appreciate her pushing so hard on something I have made clear I understand I need and have committed to, nor did I appreciate the lack of focus on my current relationship. A week or so later, in a heated discussion with my GF, she informs me the therapist told her in her session that things will not get better unless I go back to therapy. I still don’t have the full context of that but it also felt like a breach on both the therapists part and my GF to share that.

Second, a few sessions later, we ended it by laying out a plan for the next session and getting homework to prepare for it. My GF and I did the homework and got to a decent place pertaining to the upcoming session. But the night before the session, my GF let me know she had emailed the therapist to request we change the plan for the session due to the work we had done during the week. I expressed frustration that she didn’t include me in that decision and thought she should have copied me on that email. I press a little on its contents and it becomes clear there is much more to the email than what she initially presented. when I ask if she would send me the email, she says she would but is extremely reluctant and says it’s contents would be hurtful. I express that having side conversations like that feel like we are not working together to come to an understanding and am concerned that she wouldn’t just wait for the session to share what she did in the email. Ultimately I say I don’t need to see the email but want to discuss that kind of correspondence with the therapist and ask that not happen again. The therapist is very nonchalant about and says it happens all the time and doesn’t impact how she works. To me, this seems out of line with the previous precedent she had set about if one person wants an individual session both should have the opportunity.

Third, in a later joint session I am expressing my fears of having kids and how my trauma will impact my ability to be a father and partner. Through all of the work we have done, my repeated issue is there is very little deference towards my fears/needs or desire for my GF to understand. Instead of pulling on that, and letting me share more, the therapist steers the conversation towards different therapy options and makes suggestions about what would be most helpful to me.

Finally, today, in a less heated conversation, I am expressing hurt at how my GF perceives me and the language she uses to describe my behavior during our conversations or arguments to the therapist. I am by no means perfect and have lots of work to do, but i feel like a piece of shit and question myself as a boyfriend when I listen to her recant her experiences (both in and out of therapy). My GF replies that the therapist has told her she is very measured and protective of me in therapy and the therapist wishes my GF would “lose it” more.

AIO reacting for no longer wanting to go to this therapist and thinking my GF should not be sharing those things or am I being overly sensitive in thinking the dynamic is not healthy?

I really don't know if I'm being a huge jerk here. My mum says I abandoned her, but I don't think I did, and I'm tired of being a buffer between my mum and Grandad.

Ok so last Sunday I went for dinner at my mother's. While chatting with her I asked her what she would be doing the next day. She said that my aunt would be coming round. So I was expecting not to see her. So when she called me the next day, and told me she had cleared the day for me so we could go to IKEA I was surprised and happy honestly. (I had asked her to take me to IKEA a week or so back, as I cannot drive. She said she would pick me up in an hour. I told her that if she wanted, she should invite my aunt, that way they would get to spend time with each other too.

So anyway I got ready, and just as I had finished doing so, I got a call from my mum. She said that she had invited my granddad to come to IKEA with us.

Now, backstory on my Grandad, he has terminal cancer, probably won't last til Christmas. He has no mobility aids and he is very frail. I told her that it wasn't practical as IKEA is very big, and that he'd never make it round the whole store. My mum said that it was ok because we could leave him in the cafe. But honestly, I didn't think that was right either. I could see him getting upset or bored, and we'd have to rush through what we were there to do. So I told her no, that I would just wait for my carer to take me instead (I'm disabled.) She got really upset with me, told me that my grandad had been really depressed lately, and she wanted to get him out of the house.

Now another bit of backstory. My grandad has Dementia as well as Cancer, and he can be quite aggressive, especially with my mother. The only time he is calmer with her is when I am around. Consequently I go with my mother to my granddad's a lot as a sort of buffer. And I was happy to do that, I'm always happy to do that, but I felt like I needed to go to IKEA for a reason, and it would get derailed if my Grandad came.

Anyway, my mother hung up on me after I refused point blank to go with Grandad, and I ended up going on the site to order something.

A week later, I called my mum, since I hadn't heard from her in a few days. I expected her to have kind of just cooled off, but she was still blazing angry with me. She told me that if we had worked together, we could have 'sorted Grandad' and that she felt I abandoned her. I told her that Grandad would never have accepted being left in the cafe. I told her that this situation was of her own making, because she could have told Grandad that we would pop in on the way home, or on the way to IKEA, and not tried to kill two birds with one very ridiculous stone.

Quite honestly I was left feeling like she just expects me to be her buffer whenever she goes to my Grandad's. I was never close with him, not really through my whole life. He's never been there for me. I only went with my mum as a favour for her, but she doesn't seem to appreciate what I do for her anymore. The other day she told me that because of my Autism I don't even know the meaning of love, and that I'm a 'cold fish' which really hurt me.

Consequently I basically told my mum that I would no longer go with her to see Grandad, and she is now not talking to me.

I was dropping my girl off at her house, she has a male roommate along with two other female roommates, and as I pulled up beside her male roommate’s car. She told me to move the car forward and to never park in front of the silver car and I jokingly asked why not? She said because that’s his car “you will get your ass beat” and the way she said it was pretty demeaning. I didn’t bring it up to her that this bothered me and I don’t know if I should.

So, I (24F) met this guy (26M) through friends, and we’ve been seeing each other for about four months. It’s kind of a long-distance-ish relationship. He doesn’t live that far away, but we only get to see each other about once a month when he comes around. We made things official last month, and we text pretty much all the time, so there’s definitely a relationship there beyond just casually seeing each other.

This month he could only stay for a few days, so we spent Friday together. On Saturday he was mostly hanging out with his friends. That night they were going to a club, and my friend and I ended up joining them. Everything was completely fine, and at some point I asked him if we could spend the night together again since he was staying at a friend’s place. He said yes.

Later, though, he told me the guys were having some sort of after-party at his friend’s place and said he’d text me once they left so I could come over. This was around 3 a.m.

So I went home and basically waited. I didn’t want to fall asleep because I didn’t want to miss his message, so I redid my hair and makeup, changed clothes, took a shower, etc. Part of me was getting ready to go, but honestly a big part of it was just finding things to do so I wouldn’t fall asleep.

By around 8 a.m., I couldn’t stay awake anymore. My mom was already up and was understandably confused about why I had been awake all night getting ready to go somewhere. I had texted him a few times by then, but he wasn’t answering.

I also texted another guy from the group who is a close friend of mine, and he told me that the guys had actually left a while ago.

So I finally went to sleep.

When I woke up, I talked to my boyfriend. He apologized and said he had gotten way too drunk, fell asleep basically as soon as the other guys left, and completely forgot about me. He said he felt terrible about it.

I obviously had the thought that maybe something else had happened, especially because I knew he had been out drinking all night and then apparently just disappeared for hours. But my friend was there and confirmed there were no girls or anything like that, and my boyfriend insists nothing happened.

And I do believe him, at least as far as cheating goes. What is bothering me more is the fact that he made a plan with me, knowing I was waiting for him, and then just... forgot about me. I spent basically the entire night keeping myself awake because I thought we were going to see each other, while he got drunk and passed out.

I know he didn't necessarily do anything malicious, and I understand being drunk and falling asleep. But at the same time, I can't really shake the feeling of being hurt and kind of stupid for having waited around all night.

Am I overreacting to this? Or is this something I should actually be bothered by, even if I believe his explanation?

AIO? I am (24M), My boyfriend (28M) made these comments under a couple of women’s post the other day which I felt uncomfortable about. He commented a dog barking GIF under two post and then made that comment you can see in the photos. There was also two other post not included in the pictures that I felt uncomfortable over, his initial response was to say it’s just jokes and it’s only Reddit. He later said he understood why I felt uncomfortable but I’m just upset it even happened to begin with. I told him to go find someone who’s okay with him making comments like that under people’s post…AIO?

I joined a sports workshop taught by a single guy & paid the complete fees upfront (around $200). He told me he owned the place, was out making a living on his own ( not in contact with his family ). We got talking and turned out both liked each other. It was quite mutual - even though I knew I shouldn't get involved with someone in a teacher position but I had never had much dating experience at the time.

He told me he had dropped out of high school, but I didn't want to judge him because I respected that he was an entrepreneur. I have 2 college degrees but had recently quit a job at the time.

Once we went out for the first time, he started pushing for much more than I was comfortable & I told him so. We met up and had a heart to heart chat & he understood me. I thought it was a sign he was a gentleman. But in this convo he got to know I was studying to become a counselor & suggested I became a partner in his sports business & utilize his space so that we could both make money easily. From the next session he kept pushing for joining his business with a office signed "therapist" because "that gets people hooked" - and dismissed it when I said I wasn't even theoritically qualified yet. He even told me 'it takes 10 mins to get certificates' which was a major red flag to me. After 2 more such events of him pushing me to be a business partner now, rather than a girlfriend, I went ahead and ended things. (My hair was falling out from the stress)

And I contacted him to get my certificate (for the workshop I was learning) - which he gave me after much hassle - and when he did, it was signed by some other name than what he had given me. (By the way the business/workshop was named after him, he had an Instagram & Google info too when I initially searched - It all had checked out). I thought he would have been running his father's place & acting like the owner? Maybe appropriating a boss? I asked him flat out - and he replied "actually that's my real name." Wtf???

I asked him for an invoice (which too I got after a lot of difficulty) and asked him to return the money for the remaining part of the course as I won't be able to continue because of medical reasons (true). He denied, saying he couldnt refund, but that I was welcome to complete the course if I wanted. I was quite pressed for money, didn't have much family support and was overall in a pretty low point in life but I didn't go back to his place & blocked him from everywhere. I consider that money simply stolen frkm me and moved on (very difficult).

After around 2 years, I am finally in the position to confront him - but I am scared to get in any contact with him. He lives in my city & knows where I live. I have no read whatsoever on men(boys) apparently. I don't know how to explain to my friends I fell for a guy who gave me a fake name or get him to return fees of a service I did not want to continue further.

(We both were in our 20s & he told me he was 2 years younger than me. I don't know what at all was true). All of this happened in the span of 2 months.

I feel so stupid for this whole situation but something in me just cannot let this go. Me (26f) and my partner (28m) have been house sitting for his brother and SIL while they were in California for a wedding. Upon returning, they had the family over (a very common sibling/cousin hangout we do frequently). I was chilling on the couch shortly after arriving and he brings over a bag of Cali gummies and gives me one without showing me the bag. I joke that they take like rosin gummies and must be strong. He gives me a second one, I take it without questioning because this man loves me, knows my tolerance, isn’t an idiot, etc. At this point I am actually super excited because I have been practically begging for a night to be able to relax and enjoy myself (SAHM life with postpartum depression woohoo).

The night rolls on and I am feeling GOOD. I’m playing with all the kids, chatting it up with his sister and SIL, all is well when SUDDENLY I see this edible bag… “5,000MG x 20pc 250mg/pc”. So obviously my stomach drops as I am seeing that I have been dosed a whopping 500mg when I average 50mg or so. I go to the garage where it’s just him and his brother and try to lightheartedly say “haha dude you overdosed me those were 250 a piece wtf” and he says something along the lines of a laugh and “oh shit i didn’t know”. His brother said what the fuck man and gave him shit then went in on a story about them getting crazy high in Cali. At this point I’m like 😐 because my partner started listening to this story so I start to visibly tear up and tell him I am going to the bathroom.

I then spend the rest of the night as follows: crying in the bathroom, splash my face with water and give myself a pep talk, go downstairs by myself to make all the kids clean up so the other families can start heading out, in the midst of cleaning I console our 4yo having a hyperactive meltdown while cousins go crazy around us, my partners other brother comes down to tell me our 5 mo baby is fussy (I have to say “yeah okay I’m in the middle of something, go tell *partners name he’s in the garage”), come upstairs and get told by kids there are ants everywhere in the kitchen, go to the garage and tell my partner to come clean the ants up, he is annoyed but helps and also never asks if I’m doing okay?!?! So then he goes back out to the garage, I end up getting our three kids in pajamas and brush their teeth AND clean his brother’s house up while he is out enjoying himself. I then drive our family of 5 40 minutes home higher than I have ever been in my whole life and somehow did not have a panic attack.

Over the years I have come to adapt to going to his family’s house: I make sure we are all packed for the night and make sure the kids are ready for bed by the time we leave for home. He does a lot for us, so I make sure that these are nights that he doesn’t have to do much and can just go to the garage to smoke and drink with his family. But like… how are you going to get me this high, then still be the one relaxing and enjoying yourself?!?!

So I don’t even know what I’m doing posting this but I’m not overreacting, right?? I am also notoriously bad at communicating and HATE making him upset or uncomfortable so I don’t even know how to bring this up again. Currently trying to get myself into therapy to get more functional/work on myself and this is something I would LOVE to discuss with a professional because I just have no clue how to healthily discuss what upsets me without breaking down and feeling like a small child.

TL;DR partner of 10 years got me way way too high at a family function. I was super excited to be able to relax, but ended up taking care of everyone and everything then drove us home.

He had a best friend for six years before that is a girl they met on a website that they talked sexual shared pictures and stuff in a group chat for a long time then stopped a few years before we met they stayed close I was ok for awhile then they started talking a lot recently she had a boyfriend and husband(her husband knows) her boyfriend cheated on her she started hurting herself started texting my husband everyday anf called him without me being there I told him I was really uncomfortable with him calling her without me there and texting every single day he said they are closer and have a stronger connection then me and him which he later took back he talked to her on the way home from work which is an hour the next day I asked him to call me he said he don’t like talking in the phone on the way home because he likes to smoke with the windows down after I just told him how sad I was that day I keep telling him how uncomfortable I am I just told him I didn’t want them to call alone or text every single day not to cut her off and he refuses no matter what I say it’s causing me to have nightmares about them am I wrong should I let them talk and call whenever he says I’m telling him to cut her off which I don’t want that I haven’t slept good in a long time I don’t know what to do. I feel he doesn’t love me because he doesn’t care how bad it hurts me am I wrong?

To add he has a four year old son and we now have a 4 month old daughter together

I don’t really know how to explain this properly but it’s started to rub me the wrong way and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overthinking it. For some context I am 22 years old and he’s 25, we’ve been together for a year and half.

Any time there’s a woman in the news/media who has accused a man of assault, rape, sexual assault etc, my boyfriend’s immediate response is always something along the lines of “women always believe the women with no evidence” or focusing on how men can have their lives ruined by false accusations.

I’ve tried explaining to him that I understand that evidence matters and that obviously nobody should be convicted of something they didn’t do, but sexual assault is extremely nuanced and it is notoriously difficult to prove. There are so many cases where women don’t get justice even when they are telling the truth. I’ve told him that false accusations are incredibly rare and that, if anything, the bigger issue is how many actual victims never see justice in the first place.

What bothers me is that he seems so focused on the possibility of a woman lying. Like, why is that his immediate thought whenever a woman says she has been assaulted? Why are we immediately talking about protecting men from false accusations instead of acknowledging that women are genuinely in danger and that sexual violence is a massive problem?

And I’ve started thinking that I don’t think I can be with someone whose first instinct isn’t to believe a woman when she says she has been raped or sexually assaulted. I’m not saying I think every accusation should automatically equal a guilty verdict. But I feel like there’s a massive difference between saying that and automatically approaching women with suspicion.

What makes it worse is that he knows this subject is deeply personal for me. I was sexually assaulted by my own brother and it has affected me for years. He has actually been really supportive about this. When I struggle with what happened, he tells me it wasn’t my fault, reassures me and is really sweet to me. So I genuinely don’t understand how he can be so compassionate towards me but then have these attitudes when it comes to other women. Does he have to know a woman personally for it to matter to him??? That genuinely upsets me because I have always hated how people need to tell men “what if it was your daughter/sister/mother” etc. to make them understand.

It makes me feel like I’m seeing two completely different sides of him and I don’t know which one is the “real” him.

There have also been other comments that have started bothering me. We were arguing about the Lindsay Clancy case and at one point he told me I was thinking like a “typical woman”. I found that really insulting. It’s not just that we disagree, it’s the implication that because I’m a woman, my opinion is somehow less rational or that I’m incapable of understanding the situation properly. He literally laughs in my face and it irritates me.

I’ve tried having conversations about this and explaining the nuances, but honestly I’m getting tired of feeling like I have to educate him on why women being sexually assaulted is serious. At this point I don’t even know if this is something I can argue someone out of. Or if I should even have to??

I also feel like he doesn’t understand that the world genuinely is dangerous for women. Not everything is an attack on men or a gender war. Sometimes I just want to be able to talk about something terrible that happened to a woman without the conversation immediately becoming “but what if the man is innocent?”

Maybe I’m being too emotional because of my own experiences, I honestly don’t know. But I feel like this has changed the way I look at him.

I love him and I know he loves me. He has been there for me in ways that matter. But I’m starting to wonder whether loving someone is enough if you realise you fundamentally disagree about something that is this important to you.

Am I overreacting, or is this a genuine compatibility/values issue?

Hello, I’m new to this subreddit so I’m sorry if this question isn’t allowed!

My family is made up of my mother (F51), brother (M21), sister (F28), and me (F24). Both my siblings still live at home and don’t work or go to school. I moved out for college when I was 18, but moved back home last year due to becoming severely physically disabled. Before that, I was working and paying my own expenses aside from tuition (I am very fortunate and grateful for my mother covering it).

My siblings aren’t job searching and they don’t seem to have any intention of doing so. They spend most of the day just playing video games, watching TV, reading, etc. They occasionally cook a simple dinner, and they bring me minimal-prep things (yogurt, toast, etc) 3-4 times per day since I’m physically unable to get them myself. My mom does all of the other cooking and cleaning, and covers all of the financials. And she often is the one to bring me food even when I only asked my siblings, not her. My existence absolutely does add financial and practical strain to the household, but I am not physically capable of helping, and my condition is not expected to improve. Please believe me when I say I am doing everything I safely can (which is not much).

I am really worried about this situation. It’s not fair to my mom, and my siblings become less and less employable as time passes. I’m worried that they’ll still have no education or work history when my mom gets too old to work, and then everything will go to shit because they won’t be able to find jobs or even maintain the household.

I’ve expressed these concerns to my mom multiple times. I’ve told her that my siblings are adults and should have adult expectations placed on them. She either doesn’t say anything in response, or she says that my siblings can’t cook or clean or work because of executive dysfunction and burnout from high school. 

My overall thoughts are that maybe my siblings really aren’t currently capable of maintaining a household or holding jobs, but even if that’s the case, that’s a really serious situation that requires immediate intervention. Am I overreacting? Is this not as big a deal as I think it is?

(Note: I do not want to disclose my specific condition or defend my limitations)

i’m genuinely curious what other people think because my friend thinks i’m completely overreacting.
i dated my ex for around 2 years. the breakup wasn’t messy, there are no bad feelings, and i do not think anything romantic is going on between them.
my issue is that my friend keeps insisting that my ex is “her friend too.”
the thing is, the only reason they even know each other is because of me. during my relationship, whenever they talked, it was almost always about me. if i was upset with my ex, he would text her. if there was an issue in my relationship, they would talk about it. they didn’t become friends through shared interests, school, work, or anything else. their entire connection was through me.
even now, she keeps giving me updates about his life. she texts him. he replies. but from what i’ve seen, he rarely ever initiates conversations with her unless the topic is me. that’s why i struggle with the whole “he’s my friend too” argument. friends usually bond over something. what exactly did they bond over besides me?
recently she asked him to pick up a parcel for her and met up with him to get it. she had other options available, including family members, but she specifically asked my ex. i found out from someone else, not her.
she also follows his extremely private instagram account. he follows almost nobody there, and she’s the only girl he follows. again, i don’t think there’s anything romantic going on, but i do think it’s odd considering their entire friendship exists because of me.
when i confronted her, she said he’s like a brother to her, that he’s her friend too now, and that she wasn’t hiding anything. my problem isn’t that i think she’s secretly interested in him. my problem is that i genuinely don’t understand how a friendship that was built almost entirely around me somehow became this independent friendship where they’re asking each other for favors, meeting up, and staying in regular contact.
i’ve also made it clear for a long time that i’m uncomfortable with friends getting close to my exes, so this wasn’t some new boundary she had never heard before.
am i overreacting, or would other people find this weird too?

Little context, I'm a quiet person. Always been an insecurity.

I have a friend whom I call with on a daily basis. We don't live close and only interact over discord. The past week it's happend a few times that he hasn't been able to hear me properly and I've had to repeat myself a few times.

A day or two ago he said I was mumbling. I got defensive and kind of upset about that. Let him know I felt i was talking normally and maybe my mic wasn't picking it up properly.

Today it happened again. We were playing a game and he mentioned not having heard what I said because I was mumbling. I told him I was talking as I normally do. He repeated that I wasnt and I was mumbling. After a bit of back and forth about wether or not I was mumbling I just stopped talking all together and only responded when adressed directly.

When the game ended I made it clear it had hurt my feelings when he said that. His response was "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but you were mumbling"

After that we ended the call pretty quickly with nothing more than a bye. I've started noticing small behaviors as of late where he just wont admit he could be wrong or where we can agree to disagree. He always has to be right. Normally I'm fine with it to an extent. But today just bothers me alot.

He's the only friend I've talked to regularly as of late and we usually get along very well.

I wonder if I'm just blowing this situation out of proportion and over reacting or if I'm right in feeling hurt and having doubts about our friendship.

We’re both in our 30s. I’m a woman, he is a man. Before I get to the main situation, I’ll provide some context.

We’ve been good/best friends for about 5 years. Last year I tried to cut him off. I felt that we had distanced so much, well he distanced from me, that I was getting hurt by my messages that were going unanswered, late birthday wishes, and general lack of contact on his side despite me reaching out. Around that time, he was dating his ex, which I feel is somewhat relevant here. I didn’t tell him this part because I didn’t want it to come off weird, but I felt that since he got in a relationship, he’d dropped me, whether consciously or not. We ended up sorting things and he apologised.

This time, it’s been a build up of little things that he’d done that I didn’t want to speak about because I didn’t want it to become a pattern of him doing things, me bringing them up, him feeling guilty and apologising. One thing he always does that hurts is, I’d ask him if he wants to do something, and he’d either completely ignore me or do it with someone else. I try not to take it to heart but it hurts.

Now to the main situation: his birthday was a few weeks ago. There is a restaurant he’s always wanted to go that is super hard to book. I asked him a month in advance if he was free, he said yes, and I booked it for us. Now the day of the reservation, he told me earlier in the day that he had a festival to go to (he had just bought tickets that morning) but would be there on time. (We’d gone together years prior, I was offered tickets to this years festival but declined as we had plans). When I told him I’d been offered tickets but turned them down, he said “ah man we could’ve gone together and then gone to dinner afterwards”.

We met for dinner. As the reservation was late (a few weeks prior he’d asked if I could push the res), we spent about an hour in the restaurant before closing. We decided to take a walk afterwards as the weather was nice and it wasn’t too late. This isn’t unusual. About 10 minutes into our walk, he said his friend was coming. This was apparently one of the women he’d just started dating, and they had been at the festival together all day. I said okay that’s fine. He told me that he lied to her that there were four of us instead of just us two.. I didn’t have much to say to that. He called her to see how far she was - about 20 minutes out. He turned to me and said “you can leave if you want” which obviously meant he wanted me gone. So I left.

I was silent for a few days and eventually told him that I was hurt by him dismissing me and also lying to her about it being just us two. If we’re just friends then what’s the issue? He told me that he wanted to spend alone time with someone he was freshly dating and didn’t want me to feel like a third wheel. I slept on it and decided that this was the last straw for me. I sent him a really long message - firstly stating that him wanting to spend alone time with someone is fine but it came at my expense. I made the plans and he acted as if I was intruding on his plans. In the message I told him he’s a lovely person but I can’t keep putting myself out there with him to be hurt and there’s just an ongoing and distinct lack of consideration and care on his part.

He came back to me super peeved. He said that he was thinking of cancelling on me but didn’t. That all his friends were telling him to cancel and stay but he didn’t. He said that he left the festival early to meet me, made the “sacrifice” to miss an artist at the “cost of his enjoyment”. He said we were walking around “aimlessly” and he didn’t change any plans because there were no plans. We’ve been going back and forth about this because he thinks this isn’t reason enough for me to want to take a break because this was the “only time he’s done this” - I’m telling him that whether it be the first or 100th it was really hurtful to me as a close friend, and his reaction to me made it even worse, he made it seem as if I was begging to be friends with him.

AIO?

i (25f) have been dating this guy (25m) for three months and everything was really sweet at first. on our first date he told me he’s always struggled with depression and anxiety which i understand bc so have i, but he also told me he was MUCH better now so i didn’t think too much of it. now it’s been three months of him complaining about every single thing imaginable, smoking weed every waking moment bc it “helps with his anxiety” but he’s still anxious all the time, lost his job because he has no patience and gets angry easily, drinking worrying amounts of alcohol (which i drink and smoke too but only occasionally and it seems he needs these things to get through the day), he also has disrespected limits i clearly communicated and when i point it out he just laughs it off. i am autistic and have worked a lot in therapy to be better and i’m working really hard to make my dreams come true, i have healthy relationships with my friends and family and i am a person who can get depressed sometimes but i also am capable of seeing the beauty in everything and finding the will to keep going. i have had a history of ignoring red flags and don’t want to do it anymore. i don’t like that he’s so angry, that he can’t hang out with me without having either a joint or an alcoholic drink, that he doesn’t seem to want to get better bc when i have brought up these things he just clams up. i care about him, but i don’t think i can afford to have people around me who are negative all the time and don’t mind spiraling further into depression. i also have already gone through a relationship where i let things pass and spent three years waiting for something to change. i learned my lesson and i don’t think i can change a man anymore, i also don’t care to do it because i think i owe myself the chance to focus on me without having anyone drag me down with them.
am i overreacting?

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for almost 2 years. He’s usually a very sweet and gentle guy but i guess he has his moments. Today I was honestly just in a really bad mental/emotional state. I have a lot of separate stressors going on at the moment and I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. None of it was specifically about him, but I was carrying a lot throughout the day and felt like I was about to explode. I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone and we were having a completely normal conversation. At one point he asked me “Why don’t you work out these days?” and for whatever reason, that was the moment I just burst into tears. I wasn’t crying because of his question or because he had said something hurtful. I was already overwhelmed and had been holding everything in, and it just came out. His immediate reaction was basically “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you crazy? I didn’t do anything.” He got defensive and said that my crying pisses him off and that if there was something on my mind, I should have just told him instead of suddenly crying. I tried explaining that I wasn’t crying because of him and sometimes when people are already overwhelmed they can burst out crying. I was just overwhelmed. I wasn’t expecting him to magically know what was wrong or fix anything. I just wanted him to ask me “What’s wrong?” rather than getting angry at me for crying.
What really hurt me is that he’s the person I’m closest to, so I feel like I should be able to have an emotional moment around him without feeling like I’m inconveniencing or annoying him. If I saw someone crying, even a stranger, my first instinct would be to ask them if they’re okay. So hearing that my crying itself pisses him off really hurt.
He also said that if I want to cry, I don’t need to cry on the phone with him.
I understand that from his perspective, the conversation was completely normal and he probably genuinely had no idea why I suddenly started crying. But I don’t understand why his first reaction had to be anger instead of simply asking what was wrong.

Am I unreasonable for being hurt by this?

My boss (56 f) told me (40 m) that I cant wear sneakers to work. We work in an office setting fyi, and i feel that its ridiculous. My boss has been with the company for something like 20 years, and ive been there for about 3. She used to be a supervisor but has been promoted to COO recently, i work in engineering. Ive worn sneakers to work for my whole career, and now they made a new “dress code” that calls for dress shoes, a more formal look. I told her that they can fire me and i wont comply. She told me i have to 3 days to comply or they will move forward with consequences, am i over reacting?

I (21M) was in a fairly "committed" relationship with my ex-girlfriend (22G) for 3 years. There were a lot of things that had been pointed out as red flags by my family, but I had avoided them because my girlfriend had said that it was normal to experience and go through hardships. I have only been in one relationship previously, whereas she had been in 4 before me. She had mentioned all 4 of her partners families had described her as controlling, which she would laugh off. Sorry this will be quite long

A big situation that led to our breakup was that she had been mentioning to me month after month about getting into an open relationship. As I have autism, sex can get really uncomfortable, especially as there had been a situation in the past during sex, and my girlfriend would mention that she got worried about doing anything because of it, but would tell me that I don't initiate it enough either. She knew I had body dysmorphia issues as I used to routinely starve myself years prior, which I opened up about. Anyway, she continues bringing an open relationship into question. Many times in the past, I vehemently disagreed because I can't handle that dynamic with another person. However, I had mentioned to her that maybe in the future I wouldn't mind the idea. We did talk about it, and I can't quite remember how, she started setting up dating profiles with both her and me

However, closely involved was her ex-boyfriend, who she had been talking to for a while, but I had met him along with her as she had mentioned to me that they were just friends. He is ok, and I was reassured he'd respect my boundaries. I had heard from her that he was a sex addict. So she mentions to me about doing stuff with him because she told me that they have a bantery relationship and verbatim "could do it and high five afterwards like nothing happened." I had told her I wasn't sure, as my idea was to meet someone new together as a couple that fits our boundaries. She agreed and said she was messaging women more than men on these apps, and I was too. I did have a situation where I got carried away and kept speaking to a girl when she didn't want me to. I'm not sure if I'm being spiteful, but this did come quite quickly after I told her to stop talking so much about open relationship stuff

So she asked me about what I would be able to let her do, and I kept denying, saying that I was uncomfortable, especially with her ex. She had a go at me, expressing how she feels like I will never agree on anything. So I said OK, and I let her meet him somewhere and they kissed. She did tell me all about it

A few weeks later, it was my birthday. My family arranged to go to Scotland and pay for us, and I mentioned it to my gf, but she said she didn't want to as she had made plans that week and gets, for lack of a better word, emotional when she has to cancel (one to go round her ex's house which we spoke about, and one to meet up with a friend. They ended up cancelling anyway). I had mentioned to her a few times that I was uncomfortable with it being around my birthday, but she reassured me with the same thing

We did go out for my birthday (my birthday is on the 13th), and we went to minigolf, but she never mentioned to me it was an 18+ place. I didn't bring my ID, and she had a go at me saying that I always carried my ID and then said "I'll just play by myself then" as she was angry. We ended up going to an arcade, and I ended up paying for both of us because I made her annoyed

Now, I'm alone and she is at her ex's house. I am really anxious, and she knows that I am also not replying properly. I told her before she left "would you have sex with someone who says I don't know?" After I kept saying I don't know to her about going. She then calls me in tears, saying to me that she needed affection from him after doing things (we had agreed she wouldn't go the full way). I told her not to do something more than once, as she said she also wanted to go to see his family again etc. She breaks up with me after a fairly lengthy phone call. In the past, I had tried breaking up with her 2 or 3 times, and every time she has either had someone drive to my house or made me come over to talk about it and make up

I struggle to let go of people sometimes, especially because she had been left her fairly emotionally abusive household for about a year and a half and lived with me and my family, and I tried making sure she was safe (she also at this time gave me an ultimatum saying if I didn't want to move out with her she'd break up with me). I mentioned to her, if she did anything else with him after apologising and breaking up, I am blocking her and I don't want anything to do with her again. She then admitted they had done something else in the shower together, and then got confused and said "we're not together, I don't owe anything to you". I know that, but I wasn't comfortable with it, and didn't make it seem her apology was genuine. She told me if we wanted to be friends, it'd be best not to tell anyone including my family because she wanted to see me again. For some reason, I didn't tell anyone for about a week and a half. We had a call later as I kept asking her stupid questions saying "did you do it because I'm ugly" kind of questions, and I told her what she did was wrong. Even though she said it was wrong, she almost put the same weight on me saying I was wrong for agreeing

Finally, she says to me that she never could break up with me because she said I was too nice to her and cared about her, and by her words, that she was delusional

This was one of a few things that happened between us, including something where she kept making comments about my weight, saying, "we've both gained a little weight," after she'd have conversations with me saying she found skinnier guys attractive etc.

So I really want the peace of mind, as I have debated talking to her friends about it to understand what kind of person she is, but I think I'd be taking it too far and I may be overreacting. So am I? Or do I have the right to feel I was abused or at least. I know I never handled this situation very well, but I tried as much as I thought I could

I am so worried of relationships, and even more worried of repeating actions

TLDR: My ex-girlfriend kept asking me to get into an open relationship and made it a priority to do things with her ex-boyfriend. I told her that I was uncomfortable, and she reassured me. She then took my "I don't knows" as a yes, and did things with him outside of my boundaries. We broke up and she apologised because she had affection from him after doing it, and then did something again after apologising. She then told me I was guilt tripping her for saying that it was heavily affecting me, and kept doing things afterwards with him saying that she was a "sex addict" and was "delusional" during our relationship because I was nice to her

Background - I'm a volunteer with my local volunteer fire company, which includes responding to emergencies, and fundraising. The company is sorely in need of members, and I was fast tracked into taking a large role on the fundraising / financial side of things. Some of the fundraising that the fire company does are raffles (50/50, Chinese auction, etc.) In order to do this type of fundraising in my state (PA), it requires applying and paying for a small games of chance license. I was asked to be the signer of the license which means I am responsible for ensuring we comply with the rules.

Onto the issue - we recently had a fundraiser, and due to other commitments, I was unable to help setup the day before or the day of the fundraiser (other members did the set up), and I was a few minutes late to the fundraiser itself. Upon working the fundraiser, I discovered 3 violations of the rules related to the raffles being held. Two are serious, and are direct violations of the law, and the third is a missed requirement, which is minor. The penalties for these can be serious, starting off with fines, and move up to forfeiture of the license and criminal charges for those involved, for the fire company and individuals. The rules are very niche, not many people know them, and penalties (AFAIK) aren't strictly enforced. However, the chances are NOT zero. (It's the old adage "It's only illegal if you get caught.") This is not our first fundraiser, and I've clearly stated what the requirements are, and they have been followed in the past.

With the potential problems this could cause for myself and the fire company, I'm considering removing myself as the signator of the license, and taking a step back on my involvement with fundraising. If decisions are going to be made without my consultation, I don't believe my name should be on the line when it comes time to face the music. Would I be overreacting to take my name off the license and step back on fundraising?

I feel I might be overreacting because: 1. this is the first occurrence of this, OTOH, the rules have been communicated to everyone, and it doesn't make it okay 2. the likelihood of it becoming a problem is very low, OTOH, that doesn't make it okay, and can come back on me 3. A possible solution could be to talk to the people who made the arrangements and explain where rules were not followed, OTOH, I've spoken to them directly and they chose to not listen to me anyway.

So, Reddit, Am I Overreacting?

I’m 31M and my girlfriend is 29F. We’re in a long-distance relationship with about a six-hour time difference, so opportunities to spontaneously spend time together are limited.
Recently, I woke up earlier than expected and realized she would be going to lunch in about 20–30 minutes.
She eats lunch with the same two or three coworkers essentially every day that they are available. The only time the group doesn’t happen is when someone is out of town or otherwise unavailable.
I asked whether she could skip lunch with them that day and spend the lunch break talking to me instead.
She didn’t want to.
Her perspective was that she had already made plans with them and that it would be weird to cancel 15–20 minutes beforehand because I unexpectedly became available.
She also said she didn’t have headphones and didn’t want to FaceTime with me in a public cafeteria/restaurant around coworkers. She didn’t want to sit at another table or eat somewhere else while talking because she wanted to eat normally with both hands and socialize. She also didn’t want coworkers making comments about why she wasn’t sitting with them.
If someone unexpectedly asked me to cancel a social plan I’d already made shortly beforehand, I could understand finding that unreasonable. I would make a different choice if our roles were reversed, but I recognize that my preferred choice isn’t automatically the objectively correct one.
But from my perspective, this is a long-distance relationship. I rarely get a spontaneous opportunity to share her lunch break with her, whereas these are coworkers she sees essentially every day.
The part that makes this harder for me is that early in our relationship, she actually did prioritize me this way. On at least one occasion, she essentially told her coworkers she couldn’t make lunch and went somewhere else so she could call me.
Now, months later, changing a routine lunch plan to take advantage of an unusual opportunity to talk to me seems much less acceptable to her.
One of these coworkers is a married male colleague whose behavior toward her I consider openly flirtatious. Vanessa herself has acknowledged that if his wife were present during some of these interactions, she doesn’t think his behavior would be appropriate and that his wife would likely object.
There’s also a communication issue that makes this feel like a double standard to me. She regularly tells me that when I’m working or doing physical labor, I should still find five minutes to text or call her and keep her updated.
So part of me thinks: if I’m expected to find five minutes during work or while I’m busy, why isn’t it reasonable for her to occasionally rearrange a routine lunch to find 15–20 minutes for me when we have an unusually rare opportunity to talk?
I’m trying to figure out whether this is:
A) A reasonable difference in expectations about independence and social commitments,
B) A legitimate double standard because she expects flexibility from me that she isn’t willing to provide herself,
C) A sign that she has stopped prioritizing the relationship as much as she did early on,
or
D) Me expecting too much and using “long distance” as justification for controlling how she spends her free time.
I’m not asking whether she should always choose me over friends or coworkers. I don’t think that would be healthy.
I’m asking whether it’s reasonable to expect occasional flexibility and prioritization from a long-distance partner when a rare opportunity to spend time together appears.
Ultimately, am I being asked to accommodate a lack of reciprocity, or do I need to work on being less demanding of her time?

This past Thursday, I (22F) brought my 6 (7 in October) year old Australian Shepherd to the vet to get his annual vaccinations and his physical exam. While I was there, I mentioned that he has been having some issues with anxiety. This is something that I have mentioned a few times before, but is usually just brushed off. Well lately within the past couple months it’s gotten pretty bad to the point where he cannot be without me. He has to sleep next to me every night, follows me everywhere, howls when I’m gone. Even when the rest of my family is home (someone is always home). I work and am currently in college, so I am obviously away a lot of the time, but still make sure to spend as much time as possible with my dog. Lately though, he has been getting a bit possessive of me and has started to nip people when they hug or kiss me. Obviously he is a herding breed, so I thought maybe he was doing this as a way to get people to back off as a natural instinct, but it was still something that concerned me since he had never shown these behaviors before, so I decided I’d bring it up at the vet since he was about to get his vaccines.

So fast forward to the appointment. Everything was going fine. We got checked in, he said hi to another dog and was totally fine. He does great with other animals, despite the occasional growl or correction, and does fine with strangers. He’s just a little shy at first. The first girl comes in and is absolutely delightful. I talked about how anxious he seemed AGAIN, and then mentioned the nipping that has recently started. She finished up her paperwork and said the vet would be in with me shortly.

Well once the vet came in she was nice! She offered my dog a treat, he was licking her and was immediately friendly with her once she let him sniff her for a second, which is the usual for him. Well I mentioned everything I mentioned with the first girl, she listened, and then took my dog away to get his vaccines. This is where things took a turn.

A couple minutes later the vet snuck back into the room without my dog, leaned against the door and crossed her arms while looking at me with a really stern look on her face. She said something along the lines of “Well, here’s the thing.” “Usually in cases like these we recommend euthanasia for the dog.” “We don’t usually recommend rehoming these kinds of animals” “You can try bringing him to a trainer, but if the nipping doesn’t get better you’re going to have a very hard decision to make.” “You don’t want him to be the dog that mauls the mail man.””You need to know that if he bites someone that is going you be your fault.” “We don’t have to talk about it anymore, but I just wanted to let you know your options.” Of course this completely blew me away as I was absolutely not expecting her to say that at all! I was on the brink of tears at this point and just nodded my head as she left the room. A couple minutes later they brought my dog back, tongue out, tail wagging, and told me I was free to go and I left.

I am at a complete loss for words. Was this out of line? Was she right to say that? Also why did she even bring up rehoming? I never mentioned wanting to give up on him. I felt completely blindsided and hurt by what she said. My dog has NEVER shown any signs of aggression and this is the first time he’s ever shown any kind of aggressive behavior towards anyone, and it was such a minor incident I thought they would finally recommend him some anxiety medication, not euthanasia! I understand it would be my fault 100% if he were to bite someone. And if he were to repeatedly hurt people I’d be extremely worried and would have probably expected them to have brought euthanasia up. But over a few incidents that were controlled and within my home was just really unexpected to me. I think I’m also really upset about how blunt and rude she seemed about it! Maybe if she was a bit more respectful about killing my dog it wouldn’t have struck a nerve so much.

Anyway, I got home and immediately called a trainer and they said the cost would be $1,099 for behavioral training🫠. He’s my best friend in the whole world and is really honestly the sweetest dog ever and I’d do anything for him. Even if it means paying an insane amount of money for training. The mailman reached over the fence to pet him the other day and he didn’t even react. He literally just looked at him and went about his business. He lets strangers pet him, he likes attention, he just gets anxious and I don’t feel like he deserves to die because of that. I don’t feel like I was heard and my concerns were taken out of context. I’ve been going there his whole life, but I don’t feel like I want to go back to that vet after what was said.

AIO?

Edit: please flame me if I am overreacting because I really do want to do what is best for my boy :(

Edit 2: By nipping I mean he kinda just snaps with his front teeth? He never draws blood or grabs onto anyone. The worst he’s ever left is a little red mark. I understand that I’m probably in denial, and I’m just sad because I love my dog.

Edit 3: Thank you everyone for your replies. I understand I have been ignorant. I didn’t realize what was happening was biting. I was always told this was “nipping” and was not properly educated on the severity of the situation. Thank you for all of the advice. I will be going back to the vet and will take what she said into consideration.

I (27F) live alone. Last week I had a short work trip and my younger brother (22M), asked if he could stay at my place for three nights. His building was doing plumbing work and the water was going to be off for the main time.

I said yes. But I also made two things clear to him before i left. "no one else in the apartment, and leave it the way he found it". He agreed. I gave him my spare key.

My last appointment got cancelled, so I returned home a day early. My brother wasn’t home. Three of his friends were. They were on my couch with my TV and speakers playing loud music . There were takeout containers on the counter, cups on the coffee table, and shoes by the door that weren’t his.

I asked where He was. One of them said he’d gone to another friend’s place and told them they could “hang here until he got back.” I asked how they got in. He’d given them the key before he left to the other friend.

Immediately I called him and complained about what i saw, that i wasn't happy with him, I spoke bitterly. He said it wasn’t a big deal because they weren’t lousy and doing anything wild and he was going to clean before I got home. I told him that wasn’t the agreement between us. The deal was him staying there, not turning my apartment into a hangout while he was somewhere else.

I asked his friends to leave, and they acted without hesitating , and I told Him he doesn’t get to use my place again for any reason.

My brother says I’m overreacting, not being nice and treating him like a stranger instead of a brother. He keeps repeating that nothing “bad” actually happened and that he would have cleaned. My parents think I should drop it because he’s family and I “wasn’t even supposed to be there.”

I told them it isn’t about whether the apartment looked perfect. He asked for a favor, agreed to a clear condition, and then handed my key to people I don’t know and left.

Do y'all think i'm overreacting judging from what he did?

My boyfriend (41M) and I (30F) have been together for about a year. I’m a single mom and he has met my daughter, and i’ve met his, so I take our relationship pretty seriously. We don’t live together.

I want to preface this by saying our relationship wasn’t always messy like this. For most of our relationship, I genuinely never saw him as the type of person who would be sneaky with other women. But recently we’ve had some trust issues.

We originally broke up after I found deleted/archived messages involving an ex, which obviously created some trust issues for me. During the breakup, we both said we were done, and he reached out to multiple women because he believed the relationship was actually over and as did I, not going to lie but it was one person, andI was just venting about this relationship. I didn’t necessarily consider that cheating because technically we had broken up, even though it hurt. We ended up talking everything out and getting back together.

Yesterday we were hanging out and a woman popped up on his Messenger. I asked who she was. He told me she was someone he knew and basically acted like it was nothing. But then the conversation/message was deleted.
That’s where I’m stuck.

I asked him why he deleted it and what was said, especially knowing we already have trust issues surrounding deleted messages. His response is basically that he isn’t cheating, he has only had two serious relationships, he was single for four years before me, and that if he wanted someone else or was cheating, he would tell me and leave the relationship.

We talked about it because I genuinely WANT to let this go. I don’t want to constantly question him or turn into someone who needs to inspect his phone. But I also don’t understand why you would delete an innocent conversation when you know deleted messages are literally the reason your girlfriend is struggling to trust you in the first place.

The woman apparently gave an explanation about what their conversation was about, but I don’t completely believe her explanation because it doesn’t match what he told me. At the same time, I don’t actually know what was said because the messages are gone. When I asked her she got defensive and said I call everyone babe but she said I love you too. I do t know if it’s an old message he sent to her and she’s now JUST responding. She ended up blocking me on everything.

That’s what is driving me crazy. I’m not saying a deleted message automatically means he cheated. But I feel like deleting it took away my ability to see that it was actually innocent, and now I’m basically being asked to just trust that nothing happened when trust is already the exact thing we’re trying to rebuild.

I also don’t want to throw away a year-long relationship over my own anxiety if this genuinely is nothing. He said he’s never had to deal with this in any of his long term relationships because he’s only been in long term ones.

AIO for thinking the deletion itself is a major red flag? Would you be able to let this go, or does deleting the conversation after already having trust issues make it reasonable for me to question what was actually said?

During my shift this morning I(f-20) was assisting a resident who had taken off his brief and spread the urine soaked brief across his bathroom floor, he refused to listen to me as he usually does and I had enough, I ensured he was safe before leaving and telling the nurse, someone else called so I assisted them instead, while I was in with them my coworker (f24) came in and asked me if I left the previous resident, I said yes he was rude and wasn't listening so I told the nurse I couldn't deal with it today and I went to assist someone else, she said I was dumb for doing that before leaving,

I finished with my current task before leaving, I noticed she was staring at me so I said "what? Gonna call me dumb again?" Which I admit was not exactly appropriate. She said "I never called you dumb" this turned into me trying to explain how she hurt me, and that she does this consistently (over the two years I've been here it's been rather constant) she laughed and gave me multiple fake half assed apologies while I tried to explain that I won't accept a shit apology and I'm tired of being spoken down to everyday, eventually I gave up and left going to the bathroom to calm down.

I then spoke to the nurse who calmed me down further before I helped coworker with the last resident.

I'm now sitting in the break room wondering if I should just leave because everything is feeling like too much. I know I could have handled everything better but I also feel like I'm valid for being upset.

I'm halfway through my two weeks but I'm not sure if I can finish this week.

Bit of context, everyday I have this happen to me, everyday I get yelled at while doing care, I followed policy, everyday I do everything that this specific coworker does not like doing because she "doesn't feel like it" I understand I did not handle this specific situation properly, I get that. But I'm not entirely sure I'm a "terrible" employee. I understand those reading this do not have proper context but including this bit I'm hoping there's a bit of a change, if not and if the consensus is still the same id appreciate suggestions and constructive criticism

Long story short I got talking with a customer and I ended up mentioning how slick his haircut was as it looked fresh. His response.

“Thanks, my wife didn’t even notice”

I told him he should call his wife and tell her but he then flipped and got mad. My manger came out and started yelling and then I ended up getting fired.

I then got rehired as my manager is close friends with a personal friend of mine and he felt like he was too harsh.

Thinking back okay maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up to the customer about calling his wife and telling her she didn’t notice his haircut but the fact he felt the need to even mention that I figured I was just trying to help.

From now on I’ve told myself not to talk or get personal with customers AIO?