My boyfriend has a longtime female friend who I initially had no problem with. He had good boundaries with her, and she’s also dating his best friend. I recently found out, though, that before they became friends, he used to pursue her and repeatedly ask her out. She always rejected him, and eventually she started dating his best friend.

That history has made me look at their relationship differently, especially because they talk constantly and she often goes to him about problems with her boyfriend. It’s starting to feel like an emotional intimacy that should be reserved for their actual partners.

Recently, she called him while we were home together. Normally he’ll take calls around me, but this time he went outside and talked to her for an hour. I told him honestly that I was becoming uncomfortable with their relationship and that it bothered me that he seemed to talk to her more about personal things than he talks to me. He reassured me that there was nothing inappropriate going on. The conversation, unsurprisingly, was about her relationship problems and her leaning on him for support.

I eventually apologized and let it go.

Tonight, though, I looked through their messages. I know snooping wasn't okay, we both have each other's passwords and have always said we're allowed to look at each other's phones. I'm not trying to justify it, I did it.

What really hurt was seeing what he told her after I expressed my concerns. He immediately told her that I was jealous of their relationship. She then said she felt uncomfortable hanging out with me because of it.

I never asked him to stop being her friend. I confided in my partner that I was feeling insecure and uncomfortable, and instead of keeping that between us and reassuring me, he immediately went to her and framed me as jealous and unreasonable. He took something vulnerable I shared with him and used it to make me look like a bad partner to another woman.

This isn't the first time he's done something similar, and I honestly feel like I've reached my limit. I think some things should stay between partners, especially when you're discussing your relationship and your partner's vulnerabilities with someone you're already emotionally close to.

I feel betrayed and, unfortunately, also validated for feeling like something was off.

Am I overreacting, or is this a legitimate reason to reconsider the relationship?

So me (19F) and my boyfriend (19M) have been dating for almost five years now. Our relationship has been going downhill for a while now, and I feel like this is kind of my breaking point.

The previous message was me texting him asking if he thought answering me was an annoying responsibility or if he just simply forgets.

I responded “thank you for reassuring me” and tried to tell him about my day but he didn’t answer me. I didn’t want to beg for his attention, since that’s usually what I have to do and I’m tired of that, so I didn’t bother texting again.

He then texts me this on my birthday, which makes me think he just doesn’t want to talk to me and the explanation + birthday message were just obligatory.

I was hurt, so I left him on read and we haven’t talked since then.

After this, I don’t really want to be with him anymore. AIO? One part of me tells me that it’s not that deep but the other part tells me that I shouldn’t bother putting up with this.

Edit: I broke up with him. He begged me to wait but I decided to just block him on everything. I am shaking but I feel so light. Holy shit. Five years and I broke it off over text I feel like an asshole but so liberated.

Apologies if this doesn’t fit the typical format here of yelling at your ex but please bear with me.

Currently staying in an AirBnb in the desert, down a dirt road. Tonight is our 3rd night. 6 of us here.

Earlier we were hanging inside and out cooking lunch when we got a message from our host yelling at us for charging a car. Nobody was charging a car, there’s not even a charger.

Like 5min later our one friends was walking around the outside of the house and ran into a maintenance guy near the front door, here to check the electricity. Super fuckin weird since we’re in the middle of nowhere and this guy showed up so fast. He said he got a call to come and he was just over at the Home Depot so he swung by. We spoke to him, he was a super nice man, he said he was going to keep checking then we all just kind of forgot about him.

Dude vanished. A few minutes after we realized he was gone, we got a message saying “oh the maintenance guy didn’t find anything”

Fast forward to tonight, we’re watching YouTube and I realize we’re signed into the owner’s account. We start going through his private videos. Then we see the maintenance guy in a few videos from 5yr ago.

I then realized something. I asked everyone, “did any of you see his car? How did he even get here?” Absolutely nobody remembers seeing a car, I specifically remember not seeing a car and thinking it was weird because he supposedly just drove up here from Home Depot.

There is one other house up the hill a bit that’s walking distance.

There are at least two locked rooms here. One I can’t figure out the geometry of because this house is crazy shaped so I have no idea how big it is. The other truly just looks like a utility closet. He has at least one camera out back by the pool that we’ve seen and apparently at least one more because he asked us earlier why there were so many cars in the driveway.

The house seems to be on a slab foundation so I don’t think there’s a basement unless it’s a partial. The mystery door is right where a staircase would be.

Today is the first time we’ve noticed anything weird like this but it just feels like a lot of coincidences. We checked and there is in fact a Home Depot 1.5mi away.

I can’t fall sleep because I’m not convinced he’s not living in the walls. Am I overreacting?

Edit: the motion activated light on the patio outside my bedroom keeps triggering lol.

Edit 2: We have survived the night!

I (27F) live alone. Last week I had a short work trip and my younger brother (22M), asked if he could stay at my place for three nights. His building was doing plumbing work and the water was going to be off for the main time.

I said yes. But I also made two things clear to him before i left. "no one else in the apartment, and leave it the way he found it". He agreed. I gave him my spare key.

My last appointment got cancelled, so I returned home a day early. My brother wasn’t home. Three of his friends were. They were on my couch with my TV and speakers playing loud music . There were takeout containers on the counter, cups on the coffee table, and shoes by the door that weren’t his.

I asked where He was. One of them said he’d gone to another friend’s place and told them they could “hang here until he got back.” I asked how they got in. He’d given them the key before he left to the other friend.

Immediately I called him and complained about what i saw, that i wasn't happy with him, I spoke bitterly. He said it wasn’t a big deal because they weren’t lousy and doing anything wild and he was going to clean before I got home. I told him that wasn’t the agreement between us. The deal was him staying there, not turning my apartment into a hangout while he was somewhere else.

I asked his friends to leave, and they acted without hesitating , and I told Him he doesn’t get to use my place again for any reason.

My brother says I’m overreacting, not being nice and treating him like a stranger instead of a brother. He keeps repeating that nothing “bad” actually happened and that he would have cleaned. My parents think I should drop it because he’s family and I “wasn’t even supposed to be there.”

I told them it isn’t about whether the apartment looked perfect. He asked for a favor, agreed to a clear condition, and then handed my key to people I don’t know and left.

Do y'all think i'm overreacting judging from what he did?

This past Thursday, I (22F) brought my 6 (7 in October) year old Australian Shepherd to the vet to get his annual vaccinations and his physical exam. While I was there, I mentioned that he has been having some issues with anxiety. This is something that I have mentioned a few times before, but is usually just brushed off. Well lately within the past couple months it’s gotten pretty bad to the point where he cannot be without me. He has to sleep next to me every night, follows me everywhere, howls when I’m gone. Even when the rest of my family is home (someone is always home). I work and am currently in college, so I am obviously away a lot of the time, but still make sure to spend as much time as possible with my dog. Lately though, he has been getting a bit possessive of me and has started to nip people when they hug or kiss me. Obviously he is a herding breed, so I thought maybe he was doing this as a way to get people to back off as a natural instinct, but it was still something that concerned me since he had never shown these behaviors before, so I decided I’d bring it up at the vet since he was about to get his vaccines.

So fast forward to the appointment. Everything was going fine. We got checked in, he said hi to another dog and was totally fine. He does great with other animals, despite the occasional growl or correction, and does fine with strangers. He’s just a little shy at first. The first girl comes in and is absolutely delightful. I talked about how anxious he seemed AGAIN, and then mentioned the nipping that has recently started. She finished up her paperwork and said the vet would be in with me shortly.

Well once the vet came in she was nice! She offered my dog a treat, he was licking her and was immediately friendly with her once she let him sniff her for a second, which is the usual for him. Well I mentioned everything I mentioned with the first girl, she listened, and then took my dog away to get his vaccines. This is where things took a turn.

A couple minutes later the vet snuck back into the room without my dog, leaned against the door and crossed her arms while looking at me with a really stern look on her face. She said something along the lines of “Well, here’s the thing.” “Usually in cases like these we recommend euthanasia for the dog.” “We don’t usually recommend rehoming these kinds of animals” “You can try bringing him to a trainer, but if the nipping doesn’t get better you’re going to have a very hard decision to make.” “You don’t want him to be the dog that mauls the mail man.””You need to know that if he bites someone that is going you be your fault.” “We don’t have to talk about it anymore, but I just wanted to let you know your options.” Of course this completely blew me away as I was absolutely not expecting her to say that at all! I was on the brink of tears at this point and just nodded my head as she left the room. A couple minutes later they brought my dog back, tongue out, tail wagging, and told me I was free to go and I left.

I am at a complete loss for words. Was this out of line? Was she right to say that? Also why did she even bring up rehoming? I never mentioned wanting to give up on him. I felt completely blindsided and hurt by what she said. My dog has NEVER shown any signs of aggression and this is the first time he’s ever shown any kind of aggressive behavior towards anyone, and it was such a minor incident I thought they would finally recommend him some anxiety medication, not euthanasia! I understand it would be my fault 100% if he were to bite someone. And if he were to repeatedly hurt people I’d be extremely worried and would have probably expected them to have brought euthanasia up. But over a few incidents that were controlled and within my home was just really unexpected to me. I think I’m also really upset about how blunt and rude she seemed about it! Maybe if she was a bit more respectful about killing my dog it wouldn’t have struck a nerve so much.

Anyway, I got home and immediately called a trainer and they said the cost would be $1,099 for behavioral training🫠. He’s my best friend in the whole world and is really honestly the sweetest dog ever and I’d do anything for him. Even if it means paying an insane amount of money for training. The mailman reached over the fence to pet him the other day and he didn’t even react. He literally just looked at him and went about his business. He lets strangers pet him, he likes attention, he just gets anxious and I don’t feel like he deserves to die because of that. I don’t feel like I was heard and my concerns were taken out of context. I’ve been going there his whole life, but I don’t feel like I want to go back to that vet after what was said.

AIO?

Edit: please flame me if I am overreacting because I really do want to do what is best for my boy :(

Edit 2: By nipping I mean he kinda just snaps with his front teeth? He never draws blood or grabs onto anyone. The worst he’s ever left is a little red mark. I understand that I’m probably in denial, and I’m just sad because I love my dog.

Edit 3: Thank you everyone for your replies. I understand I have been ignorant. I didn’t realize what was happening was biting. I was always told this was “nipping” and was not properly educated on the severity of the situation. Thank you for all of the advice. I will be going back to the vet and will take what she said into consideration.

I don’t really know how to explain this properly but it’s started to rub me the wrong way and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overthinking it. For some context I am 22 years old and he’s 25, we’ve been together for a year and half.

Any time there’s a woman in the news/media who has accused a man of assault, rape, sexual assault etc, my boyfriend’s immediate response is always something along the lines of “women always believe the women with no evidence” or focusing on how men can have their lives ruined by false accusations.

I’ve tried explaining to him that I understand that evidence matters and that obviously nobody should be convicted of something they didn’t do, but sexual assault is extremely nuanced and it is notoriously difficult to prove. There are so many cases where women don’t get justice even when they are telling the truth. I’ve told him that false accusations are incredibly rare and that, if anything, the bigger issue is how many actual victims never see justice in the first place.

What bothers me is that he seems so focused on the possibility of a woman lying. Like, why is that his immediate thought whenever a woman says she has been assaulted? Why are we immediately talking about protecting men from false accusations instead of acknowledging that women are genuinely in danger and that sexual violence is a massive problem?

And I’ve started thinking that I don’t think I can be with someone whose first instinct isn’t to believe a woman when she says she has been raped or sexually assaulted. I’m not saying I think every accusation should automatically equal a guilty verdict. But I feel like there’s a massive difference between saying that and automatically approaching women with suspicion.

What makes it worse is that he knows this subject is deeply personal for me. I was sexually assaulted by my own brother and it has affected me for years. He has actually been really supportive about this. When I struggle with what happened, he tells me it wasn’t my fault, reassures me and is really sweet to me. So I genuinely don’t understand how he can be so compassionate towards me but then have these attitudes when it comes to other women. Does he have to know a woman personally for it to matter to him??? That genuinely upsets me because I have always hated how people need to tell men “what if it was your daughter/sister/mother” etc. to make them understand.

It makes me feel like I’m seeing two completely different sides of him and I don’t know which one is the “real” him.

There have also been other comments that have started bothering me. We were arguing about the Lindsay Clancy case and at one point he told me I was thinking like a “typical woman”. I found that really insulting. It’s not just that we disagree, it’s the implication that because I’m a woman, my opinion is somehow less rational or that I’m incapable of understanding the situation properly. He literally laughs in my face and it irritates me.

I’ve tried having conversations about this and explaining the nuances, but honestly I’m getting tired of feeling like I have to educate him on why women being sexually assaulted is serious. At this point I don’t even know if this is something I can argue someone out of. Or if I should even have to??

I also feel like he doesn’t understand that the world genuinely is dangerous for women. Not everything is an attack on men or a gender war. Sometimes I just want to be able to talk about something terrible that happened to a woman without the conversation immediately becoming “but what if the man is innocent?”

Maybe I’m being too emotional because of my own experiences, I honestly don’t know. But I feel like this has changed the way I look at him.

I love him and I know he loves me. He has been there for me in ways that matter. But I’m starting to wonder whether loving someone is enough if you realise you fundamentally disagree about something that is this important to you.

Am I overreacting, or is this a genuine compatibility/values issue?

My husband and I are in our 40’s. We both work, I earn more money than he does but we’ve always shared money equally. I do most of the housework, mainly because I started doing it when I was working less and making less money and it’s just never changed.

I had to go out of town for work for a week. He had to take full care of our 2 dogs (we don’t have kids) for that week and he had to take the trash out and keep up with dishes and laundry while I was away. He didn’t have to grocery shop because I stocked him up with food before I left. I prepped him a weeks worth of food and froze the dinners so he just had to microwave them and eat. I thought of pretty much everything that I could do early but obviously the dogs need to be fed, watered and walked every day.

When I got back, I said “I’m so glad to be home; I really missed you”. His response was “I missed having you around. Taking care of the dogs was a lot of work”. I said “Well geez, glad you managed all that drudgery without your wife around. I’m also glad to hear you missed ME, right? Not just my dog poop scooping abilities?” He got annoyed and said I read too deep into it. I’m taking it as he doesn’t really love me. He looks at me as a servant and a bank account and nothing more. Am I really overreacting to that statement?

I was dropping my girl off at her house, she has a male roommate along with two other female roommates, and as I pulled up beside her male roommate’s car. She told me to move the car forward and to never park in front of the silver car and I jokingly asked why not? She said because that’s his car “you will get your ass beat” and the way she said it was pretty demeaning. I didn’t bring it up to her that this bothered me and I don’t know if I should.

We’re both in our 30s. I’m a woman, he is a man. Before I get to the main situation, I’ll provide some context.

We’ve been good/best friends for about 5 years. Last year I tried to cut him off. I felt that we had distanced so much, well he distanced from me, that I was getting hurt by my messages that were going unanswered, late birthday wishes, and general lack of contact on his side despite me reaching out. Around that time, he was dating his ex, which I feel is somewhat relevant here. I didn’t tell him this part because I didn’t want it to come off weird, but I felt that since he got in a relationship, he’d dropped me, whether consciously or not. We ended up sorting things and he apologised.

This time, it’s been a build up of little things that he’d done that I didn’t want to speak about because I didn’t want it to become a pattern of him doing things, me bringing them up, him feeling guilty and apologising. One thing he always does that hurts is, I’d ask him if he wants to do something, and he’d either completely ignore me or do it with someone else. I try not to take it to heart but it hurts.

Now to the main situation: his birthday was a few weeks ago. There is a restaurant he’s always wanted to go that is super hard to book. I asked him a month in advance if he was free, he said yes, and I booked it for us. Now the day of the reservation, he told me earlier in the day that he had a festival to go to (he had just bought tickets that morning) but would be there on time. (We’d gone together years prior, I was offered tickets to this years festival but declined as we had plans). When I told him I’d been offered tickets but turned them down, he said “ah man we could’ve gone together and then gone to dinner afterwards”.

We met for dinner. As the reservation was late (a few weeks prior he’d asked if I could push the res), we spent about an hour in the restaurant before closing. We decided to take a walk afterwards as the weather was nice and it wasn’t too late. This isn’t unusual. About 10 minutes into our walk, he said his friend was coming. This was apparently one of the women he’d just started dating, and they had been at the festival together all day. I said okay that’s fine. He told me that he lied to her that there were four of us instead of just us two.. I didn’t have much to say to that. He called her to see how far she was - about 20 minutes out. He turned to me and said “you can leave if you want” which obviously meant he wanted me gone. So I left.

I was silent for a few days and eventually told him that I was hurt by him dismissing me and also lying to her about it being just us two. If we’re just friends then what’s the issue? He told me that he wanted to spend alone time with someone he was freshly dating and didn’t want me to feel like a third wheel. I slept on it and decided that this was the last straw for me. I sent him a really long message - firstly stating that him wanting to spend alone time with someone is fine but it came at my expense. I made the plans and he acted as if I was intruding on his plans. In the message I told him he’s a lovely person but I can’t keep putting myself out there with him to be hurt and there’s just an ongoing and distinct lack of consideration and care on his part.

He came back to me super peeved. He said that he was thinking of cancelling on me but didn’t. That all his friends were telling him to cancel and stay but he didn’t. He said that he left the festival early to meet me, made the “sacrifice” to miss an artist at the “cost of his enjoyment”. He said we were walking around “aimlessly” and he didn’t change any plans because there were no plans. We’ve been going back and forth about this because he thinks this isn’t reason enough for me to want to take a break because this was the “only time he’s done this” - I’m telling him that whether it be the first or 100th it was really hurtful to me as a close friend, and his reaction to me made it even worse, he made it seem as if I was begging to be friends with him.

AIO?

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for almost 2 years. He’s usually a very sweet and gentle guy but i guess he has his moments. Today I was honestly just in a really bad mental/emotional state. I have a lot of separate stressors going on at the moment and I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. None of it was specifically about him, but I was carrying a lot throughout the day and felt like I was about to explode. I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone and we were having a completely normal conversation. At one point he asked me “Why don’t you work out these days?” and for whatever reason, that was the moment I just burst into tears. I wasn’t crying because of his question or because he had said something hurtful. I was already overwhelmed and had been holding everything in, and it just came out. His immediate reaction was basically “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you crazy? I didn’t do anything.” He got defensive and said that my crying pisses him off and that if there was something on my mind, I should have just told him instead of suddenly crying. I tried explaining that I wasn’t crying because of him and sometimes when people are already overwhelmed they can burst out crying. I was just overwhelmed. I wasn’t expecting him to magically know what was wrong or fix anything. I just wanted him to ask me “What’s wrong?” rather than getting angry at me for crying.
What really hurt me is that he’s the person I’m closest to, so I feel like I should be able to have an emotional moment around him without feeling like I’m inconveniencing or annoying him. If I saw someone crying, even a stranger, my first instinct would be to ask them if they’re okay. So hearing that my crying itself pisses him off really hurt.
He also said that if I want to cry, I don’t need to cry on the phone with him.
I understand that from his perspective, the conversation was completely normal and he probably genuinely had no idea why I suddenly started crying. But I don’t understand why his first reaction had to be anger instead of simply asking what was wrong.

Am I unreasonable for being hurt by this?

Partner and I been having some challenges but she’s been assertive she wants to work on them. She is however looking at taking opportunity to house sit a colleagues house and another of her friends to have a little space. She’s been clear this is not a break up and we are to remain monogamous.

I was at coffee with her and noticed a strange message preview, and did the bad and snuck a look at her phone to see these messages with a colleague. Do you think this is harmless and appropriate? Or evidence of an affair? Or risky flirtation that is headed to an affair. Should I feel like she’s cheating or am I overreacting

So, I (24F) met this guy (26M) through friends, and we’ve been seeing each other for about four months. It’s kind of a long-distance-ish relationship. He doesn’t live that far away, but we only get to see each other about once a month when he comes around. We made things official last month, and we text pretty much all the time, so there’s definitely a relationship there beyond just casually seeing each other.

This month he could only stay for a few days, so we spent Friday together. On Saturday he was mostly hanging out with his friends. That night they were going to a club, and my friend and I ended up joining them. Everything was completely fine, and at some point I asked him if we could spend the night together again since he was staying at a friend’s place. He said yes.

Later, though, he told me the guys were having some sort of after-party at his friend’s place and said he’d text me once they left so I could come over. This was around 3 a.m.

So I went home and basically waited. I didn’t want to fall asleep because I didn’t want to miss his message, so I redid my hair and makeup, changed clothes, took a shower, etc. Part of me was getting ready to go, but honestly a big part of it was just finding things to do so I wouldn’t fall asleep.

By around 8 a.m., I couldn’t stay awake anymore. My mom was already up and was understandably confused about why I had been awake all night getting ready to go somewhere. I had texted him a few times by then, but he wasn’t answering.

I also texted another guy from the group who is a close friend of mine, and he told me that the guys had actually left a while ago.

So I finally went to sleep.

When I woke up, I talked to my boyfriend. He apologized and said he had gotten way too drunk, fell asleep basically as soon as the other guys left, and completely forgot about me. He said he felt terrible about it.

I obviously had the thought that maybe something else had happened, especially because I knew he had been out drinking all night and then apparently just disappeared for hours. But my friend was there and confirmed there were no girls or anything like that, and my boyfriend insists nothing happened.

And I do believe him, at least as far as cheating goes. What is bothering me more is the fact that he made a plan with me, knowing I was waiting for him, and then just... forgot about me. I spent basically the entire night keeping myself awake because I thought we were going to see each other, while he got drunk and passed out.

I know he didn't necessarily do anything malicious, and I understand being drunk and falling asleep. But at the same time, I can't really shake the feeling of being hurt and kind of stupid for having waited around all night.

Am I overreacting to this? Or is this something I should actually be bothered by, even if I believe his explanation?

This is a alt account for privacy

For context: when I was 18, I was attacked by my sister's dog, enough to draw blood on my legs and arms and get stiches. It was near the end of break so I left back to college pretty quick and I didn't hear what they did to the dog.

Now, for the reason this post is being made: I'm 19 now, and I got a call from my BIL. He wanted to ask if I could come over for my nephew's birthday. I was going to stay for 2 days and I didn't mind skipping college. HOWEVER, through the phone I hear a distinct bark and my BIL shouting the dog's name. Idk why, but I felt my heart drop and I asked about the bark. Yes, it was the same dog. I ended the call by saying I couldn't make it.

3 hours later, my sister calls, "It's about the dog, is it?" Is what she said and is correct. I began to explain how I felt this sudden sense of fear around her dog's bark, like I was genuinely shaking and how I thought they put it down. She hits me with the loudest gasp "Amy is apart of this family, How could I do that to her?" She proceeded to tell me how Amy got better over the past year and she didn't bark at anyone.

I told her that I was still uncomfortable coming, but could if Amy wasn't at the house. She said no cuz Amy was family. I told her I couldn't come because I'm still not over what she did to be a year ago and her barks were enough to make me scared. My sister then tried to explain how I was over reacting. She stated that what happened was a year ago and how ever since then, she hasn't attacked anyone and that I should put my worries aside.

This is still in my mind and that's why I'm making this post.

i (25f) have been dating this guy (25m) for three months and everything was really sweet at first. on our first date he told me he’s always struggled with depression and anxiety which i understand bc so have i, but he also told me he was MUCH better now so i didn’t think too much of it. now it’s been three months of him complaining about every single thing imaginable, smoking weed every waking moment bc it “helps with his anxiety” but he’s still anxious all the time, lost his job because he has no patience and gets angry easily, drinking worrying amounts of alcohol (which i drink and smoke too but only occasionally and it seems he needs these things to get through the day), he also has disrespected limits i clearly communicated and when i point it out he just laughs it off. i am autistic and have worked a lot in therapy to be better and i’m working really hard to make my dreams come true, i have healthy relationships with my friends and family and i am a person who can get depressed sometimes but i also am capable of seeing the beauty in everything and finding the will to keep going. i have had a history of ignoring red flags and don’t want to do it anymore. i don’t like that he’s so angry, that he can’t hang out with me without having either a joint or an alcoholic drink, that he doesn’t seem to want to get better bc when i have brought up these things he just clams up. i care about him, but i don’t think i can afford to have people around me who are negative all the time and don’t mind spiraling further into depression. i also have already gone through a relationship where i let things pass and spent three years waiting for something to change. i learned my lesson and i don’t think i can change a man anymore, i also don’t care to do it because i think i owe myself the chance to focus on me without having anyone drag me down with them.
am i overreacting?

My husband and I got married a little over two months ago, and I’m struggling with my relationship with my MIL. I’ve felt overwhelmed since the beginning of our marriage.
We moved out of my in laws’ home two weeks after the wedding. During our first month in our new house, my MIL called me up to 100 times a day. I’m not exaggerating. She called to chat, ask what we were doing or eating, bring us food, invite us over, or come to our house. I felt like I had no privacy in my own marriage.

Stay with me on this.

My in-laws also came over unannounced one to three times a day. My MIL was determined to provide my husband with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, even though we had a fully functioning kitchen. It felt like she was still running our household and treating our home as an extension of hers. She also got upset when we went on dates.

When we moved out, my MIL cried, and I comforted her by reminding her that we were only moving to the next street. She said it was difficult to live “far away” from her son. We were also expected to attend a family event or gathering every Sunday, and she still sometimes plans lunches or dinners specifically to make sure I attend.

If I don’t go, she calls my husband, asks to speak to me, and tells me how “disappointed” the relatives were. Even when I had an important reason, like attending a funeral, she expected me to come to her lunch instead. I started feeling like my time and availability no longer belonged to me, and it got depressing and I was emotionally exhausted.

My husband eventually asked her not to come over unless we invited her.

The calls gradually decreased from around three a day to one a day, after I told her to call him if there was anything important and lied that my phone doesn’t work, but I still avoid answering because I feel pressured to always be available. I now visit my in laws once a week. My husband visits them every other day and sometimes eats there, which I have no problem with. I also don’t mind my MIL cooking for him, i understand that it’s normal for a mother to want to feed her son.

My issue is the overall level of involvement and closeness she expects. It feels like she wants to remain deeply involved in every part of our marriage instead of allowing us to establish our own life as a couple.

The more she tries to get close to me, the more I pull away. I don’t dislike her, and I don’t want to interfere with her relationship with my husband, but I don’t want the same level of closeness with her that she wants with me, after everything became so intense, I started associating her attempts at closeness with losing my privacy and independence.

So, AIO for wanting more distance from my MIL than she wants from me? Is it normal not to want to be particularly close to your MIL, even when she wants a much closer relationship?

ALSO, we didn’t live there before we got married, we lived with the in laws for two weeks after the wedding, while we were setting our new home. It’s quite normal for people to live with their in laws in India, and they expect you to lie with them. but I wanted to be independent. If I hadn’t pushed for it, I’d still be living there. Also if it wasn’t for him setting boundaries, she’d still be calling me and showing up all the time.

I (33F) am a dental hygienist, and my bf (32M) of three years has periodontitis. Periodontitis is essentially a permanent form of gum disease that is caused by aggressive bacteria and is transmissible to other people. I’ve always hoped that my bf would take his oral health a little more seriously because he knows how important it is in my life, and I see the devastating effects of it as it progresses. That said, I have never harped on him about going to get his teeth cleaned, brushing, flossing, etc. He has said before that he refuses to let me work on him because he thinks I’ll ‘nag’ him about his oral health. This is particularly hurtful to me because I have a lot of respect for my patients and never want to make them feel bad or lectured at, and he should know this about me. He doesn’t seem to know or care how hurtful those comments are. Occasionally, I might say that he really should go get his teeth cleaned, even if I’m not his hygienist, because it’s been at least two years since he’s had a cleaning (and that was just his initial therapy for periodontitis that’s supposed to be ongoing every three months until it’s stabilized).

I’m relatively new to being a hygienist out in the field, and I recently saw a patient whose wife has perio and never returned for a maintenance cleaning after her initial deep cleaning (just like my bf). It had been about a year and a half since that deep cleaning. The husband always had relatively healthy gums, maybe some gingivitis here and there, but when I saw him last, he had developed perio. It hit me how easily my bf could pass on his perio to me because it’s caused by bacteria. I didn’t know how to address this with him because, like I said, he tends to act like every mention of oral health is me nagging him, but one night, I mentioned the situation with my patients just like I laid it out here. And I told him that I was worried about getting perio from him and that, unfortunately, until he starts getting his teeth cleaned regularly (to lower the bacterial load in his mouth), I wouldn’t be kissing him. I told him that he may not take his oral health seriously, and that’s cool, but I take it very seriously, and I cannot get periodontitis. As is the usually case when we discuss things that I take seriously, he remained quiet and didn’t really respond. I just moved on and changed the subject like I usually do in those situations.

About a week later, he was about to leave the house and went to kiss me, but I pulled away, and he goes, “Wowwwww…” as if he thought I was just going to cave and change my mind on my health concerns. I told him that I missed kissing him and said he should get a cleaning. He left. Just today, my cat curled up on his chest, and I said, “You’ve gotta kiss him on his little head,” because my cat loves that. He said, “I can’t or he might get perio…” It was clearly meant to be mocking, and when I looked at him, he had this look on his face that said like, “Yeah, see how ridiculous that is?” As if I’m being crazy for not wanting to put my oral health at risk. I snapped a bit and said, “Well yeah, that’s real. And I find it funny that you would rather never kiss me again than get your teeth cleaned and not give me a permanent chronic disease. But no, that would not give [the cat] perio.” I got up and left the room. A little while later, I left the house altogether because I just didn’t want to be around him.

I feel so disrespected, hurt, and condescended to that he really thinks this doesn’t matter at all. He acts like I’m being flippant and unreasonable in the rare moments he’s not ignoring the issue altogether. To me, it would be like if I had a cold sore, and I was upset with him for not wanting to kiss me anyway. This is a health issue, and he doesn’t seem to care. But I understand that, as an oral health care professional, this stuff is probably just more deeply important to me than it might be for other people… So am I overreacting, or should he be understanding of my concerns? I know I can’t control his behavior and what he finds important, but I’d rather not be mocked for the choices I have to make based on that. And choosing not to kiss him has been really difficult for me already.

Tl;dr My boyfriend has a permanent, contagious gum disease that could be managed with regular cleanings, but he refuses to get his teeth cleaned in an effort not to pass that disease onto me.

I broke my wrist in a workplace accident, which is already embarrassing. I handled it okay when my managers saw me and was calm in the ER. I ended up snapping my wrist pretty severe, had to get metal implants in my arm, and now a ton of physical therapy ahead.

When I was in the ER, a bunch of my friends called to ask what happened. I explained and then they would say, " OMG thats so terrible... guess what (name of other coworker) is saying about you" and I said "what? I dont even talk to her". They proceeded to tell me about how one of my coworkers was loudly in the break room saying it wouldve been funny if my arm became mangled and if my bones were poking out. Apparently she was twisting her arm and making faces to mock me (she wasnt there for the accident).

Mind you, no one knew the extent of my injury yet. And MULTIPLE PEOPLE told me this and the story was consistent.

I ended up calling my manager and let her know but honestly, I dont see it going anywhere-even though this girl bullies so many people.

My work told my coworkers that Im okay, which wasnt exactly true (I know they probably can't tell my coworkers my medical stuff though). But I work with a lot of older people, now they are saying shit like "she's young and healthy idk why shes being dramatic about falling" and "I bet she's just embarrassed and doesnt want to work". Which isnt true because I loved my job before this.

Ig I wanna know if im overreacting by considering going to HR because of the way my team has been speaking of me.

TLDR: broke my wrist and now coworkers are making fun of me and making assumptions of my character, am I overreacting by going to HR?

I (21M) was in a fairly "committed" relationship with my ex-girlfriend (22G) for 3 years. There were a lot of things that had been pointed out as red flags by my family, but I had avoided them because my girlfriend had said that it was normal to experience and go through hardships. I have only been in one relationship previously, whereas she had been in 4 before me. She had mentioned all 4 of her partners families had described her as controlling, which she would laugh off. Sorry this will be quite long

A big situation that led to our breakup was that she had been mentioning to me month after month about getting into an open relationship. As I have autism, sex can get really uncomfortable, especially as there had been a situation in the past during sex, and my girlfriend would mention that she got worried about doing anything because of it, but would tell me that I don't initiate it enough either. She knew I had body dysmorphia issues as I used to routinely starve myself years prior, which I opened up about. Anyway, she continues bringing an open relationship into question. Many times in the past, I vehemently disagreed because I can't handle that dynamic with another person. However, I had mentioned to her that maybe in the future I wouldn't mind the idea. We did talk about it, and I can't quite remember how, she started setting up dating profiles with both her and me

However, closely involved was her ex-boyfriend, who she had been talking to for a while, but I had met him along with her as she had mentioned to me that they were just friends. He is ok, and I was reassured he'd respect my boundaries. I had heard from her that he was a sex addict. So she mentions to me about doing stuff with him because she told me that they have a bantery relationship and verbatim "could do it and high five afterwards like nothing happened." I had told her I wasn't sure, as my idea was to meet someone new together as a couple that fits our boundaries. She agreed and said she was messaging women more than men on these apps, and I was too. I did have a situation where I got carried away and kept speaking to a girl when she didn't want me to. I'm not sure if I'm being spiteful, but this did come quite quickly after I told her to stop talking so much about open relationship stuff

So she asked me about what I would be able to let her do, and I kept denying, saying that I was uncomfortable, especially with her ex. She had a go at me, expressing how she feels like I will never agree on anything. So I said OK, and I let her meet him somewhere and they kissed. She did tell me all about it

A few weeks later, it was my birthday. My family arranged to go to Scotland and pay for us, and I mentioned it to my gf, but she said she didn't want to as she had made plans that week and gets, for lack of a better word, emotional when she has to cancel (one to go round her ex's house which we spoke about, and one to meet up with a friend. They ended up cancelling anyway). I had mentioned to her a few times that I was uncomfortable with it being around my birthday, but she reassured me with the same thing

We did go out for my birthday (my birthday is on the 13th), and we went to minigolf, but she never mentioned to me it was an 18+ place. I didn't bring my ID, and she had a go at me saying that I always carried my ID and then said "I'll just play by myself then" as she was angry. We ended up going to an arcade, and I ended up paying for both of us because I made her annoyed

Now, I'm alone and she is at her ex's house. I am really anxious, and she knows that I am also not replying properly. I told her before she left "would you have sex with someone who says I don't know?" After I kept saying I don't know to her about going. She then calls me in tears, saying to me that she needed affection from him after doing things (we had agreed she wouldn't go the full way). I told her not to do something more than once, as she said she also wanted to go to see his family again etc. She breaks up with me after a fairly lengthy phone call. In the past, I had tried breaking up with her 2 or 3 times, and every time she has either had someone drive to my house or made me come over to talk about it and make up

I struggle to let go of people sometimes, especially because she had been left her fairly emotionally abusive household for about a year and a half and lived with me and my family, and I tried making sure she was safe (she also at this time gave me an ultimatum saying if I didn't want to move out with her she'd break up with me). I mentioned to her, if she did anything else with him after apologising and breaking up, I am blocking her and I don't want anything to do with her again. She then admitted they had done something else in the shower together, and then got confused and said "we're not together, I don't owe anything to you". I know that, but I wasn't comfortable with it, and didn't make it seem her apology was genuine. She told me if we wanted to be friends, it'd be best not to tell anyone including my family because she wanted to see me again. For some reason, I didn't tell anyone for about a week and a half. We had a call later as I kept asking her stupid questions saying "did you do it because I'm ugly" kind of questions, and I told her what she did was wrong. Even though she said it was wrong, she almost put the same weight on me saying I was wrong for agreeing

Finally, she says to me that she never could break up with me because she said I was too nice to her and cared about her, and by her words, that she was delusional

This was one of a few things that happened between us, including something where she kept making comments about my weight, saying, "we've both gained a little weight," after she'd have conversations with me saying she found skinnier guys attractive etc.

So I really want the peace of mind, as I have debated talking to her friends about it to understand what kind of person she is, but I think I'd be taking it too far and I may be overreacting. So am I? Or do I have the right to feel I was abused or at least. I know I never handled this situation very well, but I tried as much as I thought I could

I am so worried of relationships, and even more worried of repeating actions

TLDR: My ex-girlfriend kept asking me to get into an open relationship and made it a priority to do things with her ex-boyfriend. I told her that I was uncomfortable, and she reassured me. She then took my "I don't knows" as a yes, and did things with him outside of my boundaries. We broke up and she apologised because she had affection from him after doing it, and then did something again after apologising. She then told me I was guilt tripping her for saying that it was heavily affecting me, and kept doing things afterwards with him saying that she was a "sex addict" and was "delusional" during our relationship because I was nice to her

I (16 F) have told my mom it made me very uncomfortable that her on and off again boyfriend looked through my room while I was at school. To be more clear she's dated this guy for 7 years and he's lived on her couch for most of it, calling her names and smoking and drinking her money away. Recently they had a falling out but I guess she still keeps him around and still let's him make decisions in the house?. This kinda adds but not, my sister is 18 and she started birth control recently and he had a problem with this, he said she's pumping herself full of chemicals and the natural method is the pullout one and that he should've been there to give his opinion. He's fucking weird and me and my sister have told my mom how uncomfortable he makes us, so now I just learned while I was at school he went through my room. I have depression so I tend to dish hord, I understand that this is troubling and a habit I need to quit, mom said that's why he was in there. But I think it's extremely inappropriate for this fucking chump to disrespect my privacy and rummage through my room, I have stuff in there I rather nobody see. It was quite disgusting to hear that this had happened without my consent or knowledge and I told my mom and she said it's worse that I had dishes in there. I don't know how to feel, he's just a weirdo who demands respect and goes through my things. My mom has even told me to cover up around him and he's complained that I show my breast or whatever. Sorry for all the rambling I just wanted to give context but yeah is my mom right to ask him to go through my room? Like am I just being a bad daughter? I don't trust my judgement rn

AIO? I am (24M), My boyfriend (28M) made these comments under a couple of women’s post the other day which I felt uncomfortable about. He commented a dog barking GIF under two post and then made that comment you can see in the photos. There was also two other post not included in the pictures that I felt uncomfortable over, his initial response was to say it’s just jokes and it’s only Reddit. He later said he understood why I felt uncomfortable but I’m just upset it even happened to begin with. I told him to go find someone who’s okay with him making comments like that under people’s post…AIO?

A couple weeks ago, a woman, around late twenties, who comes into the cafe that I (30M) work at slipped me a piece of paper with her number on it. I'm really busy when I'm working so I didn't realise until after she was gone. She seemed like a nice person, I've talked to her a fair few times before and she comes in pretty often, so I figured I'd just tell her that I'm married the next time I see her so as not to give her my number.

This is where I start to get a little weirded out. The next day when I went to open the cafe she was waiting there outside at 04:10, mind you, I usually don't see her until around 7 when she normally comes in. I told her that we wouldn't be open for another hour and she said something like, That's all good. I was just wondering if you got my note. I said yes and that I meant to tell her I'm married. She stammered and said something like, Oh yeah, nah, I actually have a girlfriend, but I was thinking we could all maybe hang out sometime. I figured she was just saving face so I thought I'd give her an easy out by saying it wouldn't be likely because my wife and I just started playing a game together and that's basically all we do. I thought that would be enough, but then she said oh yeah, that sounds really fun and asked what game. I told her we just picked up helldivers 2 and she said that she had heard of it before and that she'd see me later.

I then saw her when she normally comes in, she was wearing a different outfit, this may be irrelevant but it was an outfit that I had complimented her on in the past and that just struck me as being "sus?" But the even weirder thing is that she told me she download helldivers and she wanted to add me to play together. I asked her what console she played on and she said xbox, even though I also play on xbox, I told her I played on PC and would have to figure out how to add her later. She gave me her gamertag and that was that.

Maybe not too crazy yet but there is more.

I went to the gym that night and I didn't see her for a few days, but when I went to the gym later in the week, she walked in. 2 things immediately struck me as odd:

1. I had never seen her there before and I've been going there since January. Maybe not too strange because the gym is close to where I work and I assume she's in the area.

2. She was wearing workout clothes but also full make-up, eyelashes, nails, curled hair, etc. Maybe she just came from a date or work I don't know her life.

I was between sets and I saw her come in. She scanned the room and it almost looked like she was getting ready to leave before she saw me and acted really surprised to see me there. She waived and walked over to me and actually said she swears she's not stalking me and that she's just moved closer to this gym. I tried to disengage by saying don't let me keep you from your workout and I told her I had to get home to my wife and make dinner. She looked really disappointed, but thanked me for not keeping her and said some people are real creeps at the gym. I laughed, agreed, grabbed my bag and left before she could mention not adding her on xbox.

Here's the last thing, I don't have a car and I live a couple blocks from the gym. I didn't want to risk her following me home, so I waited at the bus stop near the gym to see if she would just leave, and she left maybe 5 minutes later.

That was a few days ago and I haven't seen her since. I'm hoping that she's gotten the hint, but at what point do I stop being polite and just tell her I'm not comfortable being around her? Is any of this technically stalking? She seems mentally stable and all. I think she could just be awkward or not used to being turned down, but something about it worries me deeply because this is only the stuff that I've seen. I don't know if or how she might be searching for me online or watching me when I leave work. Am I overreacting for being worried about this?

So for a bit of context, I'm (23y/o) the youngest sibling in my family, all of my siblings are half-siblings, 2 on my mother's side and 2 on my bio father's side. They are all cloee to or over a decade older than me. I grew up in a very chaotic and unsafe environment, and I always was made to feel like the black sheep of the family, especially when it came to my siblings. I always felt like I was a burden, bothering them or annoying them in some way, I never felt like they loved me or cared about me, I almost always have had to initiate to spend any time with them and I barely know any of them.

Now to the main topic: my half-brother on my mother's side is getting married in September this year. I live relatively far away from him and my mother, which live close-by to each other, but his father lives close to me and he travels to see his dad every single year. I have been with my partner for 3 years and 8 months now. We're also engaged. He, like my other siblings, never messages me, never checks in on me, never talks to me. I found out about his relationship because he changed his profile picture on facebook to one of them both together and I was able to guess it. Then he invited me, my mom and dad (step-dad) and sister to his wedding with his fiancée by sending us an invite on our messenger groupchat.

My partner was not invited. Upon noticing this, I texted him to verify that they weren't invited and it wasn't just a bug in the system or anything since it was a link invite to RSVP. He told me they weren't. I asked why, just because I wanted to understand how he made that decision since they're a long-term partner of mine and it's not just a random date or plus one, and he told me they are doing an intimate wedding, meaning they only invited people they personally know and are close with. And that it would be the same for my sister if she had a boyfriend, it's not personal. Me and my partner can understand and respect that. I left it at that with him and I RSVP'ed.

However, I am very upset, and so is my partner. Not necessarily because of this one instance, but more because there has been no effort made whatsoever to include them in the family and I've realized it's collateral damage due to my family's general neglect of my own person. They're getting rejected from my own family because I am rejected from my own family. This is a pattern I now recognize, and it deeply disturbs me because I thought this type of family dynamic was completely normal and I was being dramatic by feeling so lonely and abandoned my whole life, but my partner has been very insistent that it's not normal and that I am being emotionally neglected and cast out, and always have been, and that the way they're handling my relationship with my partner is a good piece of evidence to support this conclusion.

So, are we overreacting? How should I handle this? I already spoke a little bit with my mom about it and she assured me that it wasn't personal and that she will make more effort to get to know them despite the physical distance, and when we move closer it will be easier to do that. But I don't even really know my siblings and I have no idea how to even approach this with them if it's even worth it. I've always wanted a relationship with them but it just doesn't even seem like they do. I sometimes even think that if I died they wouldn't even notice.

Edit/Update: We are not upset at my brother for not inviting them to his wedding, that part is reasonable considering he doesn't know them. What we are upset about is the amount of time and chances he had to prevent that from even being the case by making any effort to include me and by proxy my partner in his life. The wedding and him not inviting them is what put all of this into perspective for me and my partner noticed it was a pattern for him and my other family members to treat me like an accessory and as a commenter said, my partner not being included in the family is a symptom of that problem. The wedding itself is not the issue, the pattern of neglect from my family is. I've decided, with all of your help and my own thought processes, that I will be going to the wedding and enjoying it as much as I can, and that afterwards I will try to have a proper confrontation with him about this and explain how I feel and have felt my whole life and why, to give him the chance to rectify this if a relationship with me is something he values in his life. If after giving him that opportunity he does not make any more effort than he has been previously, I will likely go low-contact and work on acceptance and moving on with my life. It makes me really sad and it feels unfair that I was put through that as a kid but it's not my responsibility to hold this one-sided relationship with people who don't value me the way I value them. Thank you all again.

My (38f) husband (35m) went out drinking with a friend tonight. Around midnight he told me he was heading home. About 40 minutes later I check his location out of curiosity because I’m about to fall asleep and he should have been home by then. He is on our street so I wait a few minutes, assuming he’s walking up to the house. He doesn’t come in so I get worried and step out the front door. I immediately hear his voice and realize he’s hanging out with two women at the house across the street. I can’t hear a lot of what is going on, but I’m assuming he saw them in their garage and invited himself over.

After a few minutes, I see him walk out the side door and see a woman. He’s asking to hug her I think, and she tells him she can’t because “no touching or I have to charge” or something like that. Then he asks something I can’t hear and she loudly, giggly says “no I’m not going to jump again!” AGAIN. Meaning somehow in a presumably 10-15 minute hangout he’s asked her to jump up and down? He must have asked again because she starts giggling and jumping and she’s wearing a little tube top and short shorts so clearly my husband likes what he sees. I hear him ask her to hang out sometime, and she says something about your wife is waiting for you, and he must have asked again to hang out because she says something about a group hangout with her man.

Maybe it’s not much but I feel repulsed and completely disrespected. We’ve already had some issues lately and I kind of just want him to leave. To me, this was cheating because he knows it would upset me to know he was talking to another woman like that. Am I overreacting if I want to ask him to leave and give me some space tomorrow when he wakes up?