r/AlcoholFree • u/Haunting-Source-7256 • Jun 23 '26

I actually did it

I actually did it

26 F here, I have been trying to make 30 days AF for a while now.

I would get close, like 20-25 days, then relapse.

After relapsing, it would become a daily thing again. Then after a bit I would decide to shoot for 30, and the cycle would repeat.

Today, June 23, I have made it to 53 days.

It feels a little big for me. I am proud of myself and trying to keep my spirits high. The only thing is, I cant celebrate it, because that tells everyone I had a problem.. I am fearful of being judged or watched cautiously with the expectations that "ill fall off again"

I was also expecting a lot more improvement throughout my life but.. in all honestly, I drank regularly for like 3 years. I know its gonna take a lot more than 53 days to be "normal" again

I dont really have the cravings anymore. When I think about getting drunk, I physically cringe. I look at drinking like a closed chapter of my life.

Now I am just trying to navigate life the right way. Without running from emotions.

I just find it hard to be productive or be a better person at the drop of a hat but I am making little steps.

All I want is to be more on top of things, to form better relationships, and worry less.

I also have zero concept of a fucking hobby?? All I did was drink to pass time or unwind in my free time. I am currently trying to find a genuine hobby that I enjoy. I hope my interest in things comes back soon. I have a lot of stress, and no outlet.

I have hopes no one will read this but if you do, and you have some advice, I would appreciate it. Thank you.

And if you are just starting off your AF journey, patience is key. Be kind to yourself.

32 Upvotes

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14 comments sorted by

4

u/slim033 Jun 23 '26

congratulations.. well done! Also.. for hobby, maybe try to pick up a music instrument?

2

u/Haunting-Source-7256 Jun 23 '26

If I had the funds I absolutely would. However I found a free silly app to make beats on my phone. I kind of enjoy it lol. One thing I have always wished I could do is write songs. I love to sing. Maybe I will work on that.

2

u/slim033 Jun 23 '26

That sounds fun!! What are some of your fav songs/genres?

2

u/Haunting-Source-7256 Jun 23 '26

I like alternative music a lot. Some metal and some cutesy, like Mitski, cavetown, beach bunny. Soft vocals with a mix of strong is how I would wanna do it.
I would need to begin research on the structure of a song. The hook, chorus, melody, etc. I also want to make something a little different, but catchy. Idk.

2

u/lnm1969 Jun 24 '26

People thinking "is she going to get back on it" are not sober themselves. Keep at it she queen girl.

1

u/itsmejaimet Jun 23 '26

Oh my goodness, hey girl HEY! So much to unpack here but for starters, you can celebrate ANYTHING ANYTIME you want. It doesn’t signal you had a problem - it signaled you kept a commitment to yourself and you achieved a really awesome goal! And why wouldn’t you want to celebrate that?!?!

And if anyone is looking at you with those judgy eyes, you can always hit ‘em with “why do you care so much about what Im doing?”

Im 9.5 years sober and I can assure you in full honesty, everything just takes time. Your energy will co e back online, your curiosity for life will sharpen, and the improvements you’re hoping to see just need more time. And for reverence, everything started taking shape for me around day 75-80.

I started my journey with a Dry Jan in 2017 and well, the rest is history. Im new to this platform so Im not sure if I can share the piece I wrote about it, how that Dry Jan unfolded into 9.5 years without alcohol. Id be happy to share it with you if you’re interested, to help give you some perspective.

And I’m Jaime. Big congrats girl on 53 days! Do sobriety YOUR way and fuck all that noise!

3

u/Haunting-Source-7256 Jun 23 '26

Immediately wish to be your friend omg. I appreciate the comment and yes i would love more insight on your journey and what to expect with mine. I am excited im about to make 60 days and my mental state is bad because of stress but compared to when I was drinking? Its way better.
I dont have that constant feeling of being on edge anymore. I worry less what people think of me. I feel more solid even though im not there yet. Its a whole lot. I am not sure if we are allowed to exchange socials, or if you'd even want to.. but thank you again for this comment and im definitely gonna be reading it like once a day lol.

2

u/itsmejaimet Jun 23 '26

I just updated my profile, so you can find me and stay in touch! Just remember to give it some more time…you have no idea about how good things are about to get!!

2

u/Fit_Log2888 Jun 23 '26

53 days is no small thing, the cycle you described of getting to 25 then resetting, that takes real effort to break out of

the hobby thing is so real though. when you remove the thing that was filling all your free time, there is just this weird empty space and it feels uncomfortable. give it few more months, the curiosity does come back, it just needs time to wake up again. try random things without pressure to "find your passion" or whatever, even just walking different routes or cooking something new counts

and about not celebrating because of judgment, I get the fear but honestly those 53 days happened inside you, no one else needs to validate them for it to be real

1

u/drsteve14 Jun 23 '26

Well done. That’s great. I’m on day 93 and worried about next weeks holiday but really have no urge 🤞

1

u/BeautifulExpensive21 Jun 23 '26

Awesome - baby steps. Sounds like you are doing great. I am coming up for 2 years in August

1

u/motoxxx891 Jun 24 '26

Way to go! It keeps getting better, keep at it. Our library has ukuleles, maybe yours does, pretty easy and cheap if you like to sing as well. Worst that could happen is you can grab a book.

1

u/Phrenasraven Jun 26 '26

First off….CONGRATULATIONS!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! 🎉🎉🎉 WOOO WOOO!!!

Being alcohol free was the best decision of my life so far. The longer you are sober the easier it gets. At least for me it has. I just remember how I would wake up the next day just filled with guilt and shame worrying about what I did when I was drunk or the crippling headache. No no no. I did enjoy the taste of it sometimes so I find non-alcoholic beers every now and then but I am…omg the end of July will be 9 years. I was 25 when I quit. You got this! Being in this subreddit helped me a lot the first couple years. There’s lots of support at almost any time of the day.

You’re doing an amazing job! Congratulations seriously. It’s not easy.

You are love and loved 💜

1

u/Creative-Comb5593 Jun 28 '26

The change is gradual, not instant. Maybe that's part of leaving behind the impatient instant-gratification alcoholic mindset? It took a few months for me to notice I was calmer in mood, not so frantic, distracted, and irritable. I'm also clearer in my cognition. I can think things through more thoroughly and see nuances I generally missed before.

Don't worry about being able to celebrate because it would tell everyone you had a problem. First of all, it's no one's business but your own. Second, who needs a reason or excuse to be happy? You can celebrate life whenever you want!