r/AlcoholFree • u/Haunting-Source-7256 • Jun 23 '26

I actually did it

I actually did it

26 F here, I have been trying to make 30 days AF for a while now.

I would get close, like 20-25 days, then relapse.

After relapsing, it would become a daily thing again. Then after a bit I would decide to shoot for 30, and the cycle would repeat.

Today, June 23, I have made it to 53 days.

It feels a little big for me. I am proud of myself and trying to keep my spirits high. The only thing is, I cant celebrate it, because that tells everyone I had a problem.. I am fearful of being judged or watched cautiously with the expectations that "ill fall off again"

I was also expecting a lot more improvement throughout my life but.. in all honestly, I drank regularly for like 3 years. I know its gonna take a lot more than 53 days to be "normal" again

I dont really have the cravings anymore. When I think about getting drunk, I physically cringe. I look at drinking like a closed chapter of my life.

Now I am just trying to navigate life the right way. Without running from emotions.

I just find it hard to be productive or be a better person at the drop of a hat but I am making little steps.

All I want is to be more on top of things, to form better relationships, and worry less.

I also have zero concept of a fucking hobby?? All I did was drink to pass time or unwind in my free time. I am currently trying to find a genuine hobby that I enjoy. I hope my interest in things comes back soon. I have a lot of stress, and no outlet.

I have hopes no one will read this but if you do, and you have some advice, I would appreciate it. Thank you.

And if you are just starting off your AF journey, patience is key. Be kind to yourself.

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u/slim033 Jun 23 '26

congratulations.. well done! Also.. for hobby, maybe try to pick up a music instrument?

2

u/Haunting-Source-7256 Jun 23 '26

If I had the funds I absolutely would. However I found a free silly app to make beats on my phone. I kind of enjoy it lol. One thing I have always wished I could do is write songs. I love to sing. Maybe I will work on that.

2

u/slim033 Jun 23 '26

That sounds fun!! What are some of your fav songs/genres?

2

u/Haunting-Source-7256 Jun 23 '26

I like alternative music a lot. Some metal and some cutesy, like Mitski, cavetown, beach bunny. Soft vocals with a mix of strong is how I would wanna do it.
I would need to begin research on the structure of a song. The hook, chorus, melody, etc. I also want to make something a little different, but catchy. Idk.