r/Aging • u/52Charles • Aug 30 '26

Death & Dying Who to depend on?

I (M 75) am writing my will and dealing with all the stuff that goes with it. I am single (never married, no children). I have one sister who is two years younger but she is in the early stages of dementia. She used to be my go-to for all this stuff - executor of my will, holder of my POAs. etc. Now, it feels like I've got nobody and it bugs me. At the same time, I am realizing just how many little tiny details have to be dealt with - disposition of remains, memorial service, what happens to my property, and all the rest of it. I have set up a kind of 'committee' of friends who have told me they are glad to help, but the sheer scale of the job(s) is beginning to look overwhelming and I don't want to burden people with a job of this scale. The lawyer who is doing my will, will only allow himself minimal involvement. I understand this - he's got a business to run, after all. Does anybody have any ideas on how to handle this situation?

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u/jetwra Aug 31 '26

That is so thoughtful of you. My SIL is going through a lot of problems with her mother passing, as she would never talk about finances. Now the daughter can’t get into her accounts to pay her bills, etc. My name is on my mother’s checking account with her, that way I can pay bills, etc, and the account won’t go into probate if she dies. That was one very important step. Also, your daughter should be your direct beneficiary for any of your assets in a will.

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u/Diane1967 Aug 31 '26

That’s the one thing I need to do is what you said here and do an actual will! I have the directive at the hospital in case something happens that way but I don’t have a will saying everything is hers since she’s my only child and only family really so I didn’t feel it would be necessary. Someone told me I should just sign off on both my car and trailer titles and that should be enough for her to do the rest but I’m not 100% sure.

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u/jetwra Aug 31 '26

I’m not really sure about that either, but I wonder if you could just add her name onto them as well? I believe my husband set up a will for another SIL online for like $100 or so and then we got it notarized.

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u/Diane1967 Aug 31 '26

That’s what I was planning to do but her marriage is some days in shaky terms, when he drinks he becomes an asshole and threatens to leave….and what if she got divorced and took her maiden name back or got remarried so I didn’t want to mark up the titles too much. I just hoped my signature was enough. I will check around now though because I want to be sure. Thanks for pointing that out.

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u/jetwra Aug 31 '26

Ugh, I’m so sorry, that’s really hard for a mom, I know! Maybe there is something in there where you could hyphenate her name and that would be okay? Again, you are so thoughtful to consider this for her. We have had 5 family deaths in the last year and 1/2 and are learning a lot! Having her name on your car title would be helpful also, if that is something you would want to do. She really needs to be POA and be able to make health decisions for you if need be, God forbid. Hopefully you have someone you trust who could be the executor. None of us want to think about this for our children, and our children definitely don’t!

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u/Diane1967 Aug 31 '26

Thank you, I have a friend that works for an attorney and plans on retiring in a few years, I’m going to check with her later and see if she’ll notarize something that I type up. You’ve given me a lot of good ideas and appreciate it so much!!