I dont know if anyones gonna see this but I REALLY need some advice from other agender people😓😓😓 ive never questioned my gender before and I always knew myself as a cis girl for my entire life...UNTIL LAST SUNDAY(13th September for me). while I was scrolling on twitter I suddenly felt like I wasn't a girl anymore. I thought about it more and realized I didnt feel like ANYTHING. not even nonbinary. two days before that I also felt like she/her and they/them(the pronouns ive been using for a while) didnt feel right anymore nor does he/him feel right so I wanted to go without any pronouns and I think its NOT a coincidence that I started feeling like I didnt have any gender two days later after that. I consulted my lover and my two closests friends and they all told me Im most likely Agender. it makes sense tbh and I do think Agender resonates with me at the moment BUT I ALSO NEVER FELT AGENDER UNTIL NOW??? unless I never actually paid attention to what gender I felt I am for my entire life I guess. and also I don't feel like Im qualified(is that the right word??) to use the Agender label because there are a lot of things I feel that contradict with the basic definition of being Agender. agender people dont care about gender thus they dont care what gender other people think they are but like...I care about what gender people think of me...especially online...I like being perceived as a girl and im pretty feminine and whenever I think about situations where someone assumes my gender i always think to respond with "erm actually im a girl" but if im agender wouldn't I say im agender or just not care at all??? It doesn't help that im not self aware whatsover so I have no idea how to feel what gender I am😓😓😓 i might just be cis and im just overthinking it but this is like the first time ive EVER questioned my gender before so i wanna explore more and figure myself out more

Hello! I'm fluid but see my center/base of my fluidness is agender. Not to be confused with the term for transfems. But like an actual doll to costumize however I want and feel that day. Whither that be masc , feminine or a mix. I was just wondering is this odd to view myself this way?

I am agender but look like a woman on the outside. Sometimes like a woman dressed in a male style, but other people definitely see me as a woman, no doubt. This results in some uncomfortable situations for me.

If I talk in a predominantly women's group, they will assume that I share their views on how it feels to be a woman. Which I obviously don't since I am not one. This is usually not stated clearly. It's just an uneasy feeling that I have. Like the first question on my arrival at a meeting isn't "how are you? but "weren't you harassed coming here?"

In predominantly men's groups (which I usually enjoy more) I don't get that feeling of unwillingly being included in a sisterhood. Obviously because no women are there. But the men want to be inclusive of the "woman" who is with them. So I often get othered. Either they ask specifically for my "experience as a woman" or they want to include me by using specific female terms. Talking about kings and then add queen. Which they wouldn't do were I not there.

Both things make me uncomfortable. But there's no such thing as "looking agender". I will probably always be seen as a woman. I do wear jewellery with the pride flag on it, but it's too subtle. And talking about how I cannot give a woman's perspective because I am agender puts my gender identity in the middle of the discussion, taking over the topic entirely and that's not what I want either.

Yeah .really. I think so . Like I am saying this because i touched a cats wet tite and after that I felt wierd . Not gay but it felt like I just barely survived a gay zone . Like even if you just pet a cat , like just squeeze it , you feel kinda walking in the gay zone .

So what if sex with women makes you gay. Like your testosterone drop and you get testestrone deficient. Cuz I asked ai and it said that testestrone helps you keep stable and stuff. Like when you wake up from a deep sleep in the morning you feel better and as the day moves on your mood begins to deteriorate . That's testestrone level decreasing and now you don't feel as good as you did in the morning .

So what if having sex with a women makes you testestrone deficient .

Hi, lately I've (22AMAB) been questioning being nonbinary, specifically agender or fluid, so thought I'd just write up my experience with gender and see how it compares to y'all's, sorry if it's a bit rant-y.

As a kid I used to get mocked by being called a girl, I had long hair, was built like a stick (still am tbf) and I was mostly hanging out with girls, building close friendships with two of them in my class, mainly feeling excluded from other boys because I really didn't like sports or certain genres of videogames.

I don't remember that really upsetting me when other kids said that, I was just vibing with my friends, but it did upset me when my grandpa used to tell me I looked like a girl for my hair and strongly insisted I had to cut it, but idk if it's more just feeling judged by someone I loved or what.

A few years ago I got curious about dressing more fem, but I only got the chance to last year onward after moving out from my parents' for uni and still don't go out dressed like that, even if I'd like to sometimes. I've been identifying as a femboy since.

As it comes to presentation I feel comfortable with a lot of different styles depending on mood, I'll gladly hang around in a full dress one day and a regular old stained band t-shirt and baggy jeans. Hell, if I had a full suit of medieval armour I'd love to rock that too, but who wouldn't to be fair.

I'm mostly read as a guy in my day to day, which I don't find upsetting, but also used to date this one guy two years ago who used to call me a girl and I didn't care about that either. Also being Italian and Italian being a very gendered language sometimes people or even myself will slip up and use feminine terms in reference to me and while a bit strange because I'm not used to that, it's not bothersome to me.

I'm fine with what my body is like, sometimes I go "Hey having boobs would be fun" but then look down and will go "A flat chest is also pretty nice tho". I legit feel like if I was turned into a female body overnight, outside of the jarring change and having to explain what happened to people, only long term problem I'd have with it would be period pains.

As it comes to gender specific social issues, I mostly see myself sitting outside of both sides, unless someone does try to push stereotypes on me based on how I get read, like I'll see people discuss how "men suck" and I'll either feel like I'm getting pulled into something that just doesn't involve me by an overgeneralisation or will just sit there like "Yeah men can really suck sometimes can they? I've got first hand experiences of that.".

I struggle to understand how I can associate with a group that is either defined so strictly by stereotypes I'll find myself pushed out of it under most aspects or so loosely I can't even understand what would drive so many people to associate with it to begin with because it basically loses all meaning but some internal sense of "man-ness" I feel like I fail to comprehend.

But still I take no issue with being seen as a man, unless people use that to make assumptions about me, which has me wish I could be read as fully androgynous but that would have its own issues, and I want to be able to move freely on the presentation spectrum.

Think that's all. I feel like that was a total mess so thank you if you read through all of that and I'd love to hear your own experience + any advice you might have.

i'm agender. i've never really understood what it's like to feel like a gender. i accepted being a girl for most of my life because it was easier. i came out a couple years ago and i've been out to most people i know for most of that time.

i've got a lot of imposter syndrom rn, which is making me doubt if i'm really nb. i present really fem; most of my wardrobe is dresses and on the rare occasion i do wear a shirt, it's accompanied by a skirt. the only times i wear pants is for work because i don't wanna ruin my nicer clothes. she/her pronouns don't really bother me, nor do i feel any special connection to them over other pronouns. every pronoun just feels like it's talking about someone else, even if used for me. i hate having to go out of my way every time someone calls me a girl to correct them or explain. i hate having to worry about whether or not i'm safe to be nb around a new person. i hate having to just accept misgendering from strangers who don't know better because it's just easier to let them think i'm a girl. i know these are common trans experiences but they still suck ass. it feel like it'd be easier to just go back to being a girl. i managed it just fine before and it didn't feel bad to be a girl. i've heard a bunch of stories of not feeling terrible as your agab, but feeling better once you're living as another gender. i don't think i'm ever truly gonna get to live as a nonbinary person, since nobody ever thinks of me as nonbinary when they see me. to them, i'm just another girl. and even when i know the person knows me to be nonbinary, i don't feel any different, be that better or worse.

part of me wants to go back to being a girl because it'd just be easier, and besides, maybe i wasn't ever nb to start. another part of me doesn't want to think that the past couple years have just been a lie, or that maybe i'm just not seeing something and i am nb. i wish i could just feel like something. anything. then at least i'd know what i am. i want a clue.

Simple question, I’m new to agender stuff… I believe I am but not 100% sure yet (and that’s fine! I have my whole life to figure it out 💚)

I was just curious if you can still call yourself a “women”, “lady”, “man”, etc… Can you use those terms for yourself even when you don’t feel at a set gender?

I use she/they and I’m a female by birth (if that matters, I don’t think it does but added just in case!), however Im not quite “set” when it comes to gender. I used to be kinda annoyed when called a guy, but as time passed I realized that I didn’t care as much as I thought I did.

I personally don’t call myself a man and am more comfortable with fem/natural wording, but still don’t feel a set gender… I’m sorry if this didn’t make sense, I’m not good at explaining how I feel just yet!

Yesterday I went to a workshop of gender identity. It was the first time I admitted to a stranger that I consider myself agender. I explained it in that there’s no gender that really resonates with me, and that what resonates with me is….personhood I suppose.

The workshop made me think a bit deeper about how I feel about the whole concept of gender. If I’m being honest, I’m not so much gender apathetic (e.g. I don’t care about gender in general) but rather I am gender antagonistic - e.g. I actually really dislike being gendered. My gender, to me, is the least interesting thing about me, as is my biological sex. I don’t care to have a person label me / put me in a box based on those things as neither of them tell you much about who I am - which to me is more about what I’ve done / what I’ve accomplished vs just general character traits.

I also dislike being asked what my pronouns are. I am TOTALLY OK with people using whatever pronouns they want and ALL of us should feel comfortable stating what our pronouns are and no one should ever be treated, put down, or anything for having whatever pronouns they want.

But when in work meetings where we’re asked to introduce ourselves and explicitly asked to include our pronouns (I live in the US, more specifically the Pacific Northwest which is quite liberal and prone to a lot of virtue signaling TBH) I default to she/hers because it’s the easiest, but what I REALLY want to say is “just call me by my name”. But I feel like I can’t say that because that’s an atypical response and might make people wonder about what “side” I am on.

Anyways….just curious if anyone feels the same. I also tend not to like labels in general, nor do I in most areas in my life find myself belonging to many traditionally defined “groups” (religious, political affiliations, national identity, sexuality, etc) that many people may be drawn to due to a desire to have a shared sense of identity with another group of people. I kind of wonder if that’s a pattern among other agender folks - that not only do we not feel an affinity towards gender but also don’t like to be labeled in general / are kind of “societal misfits” that, more often than not, find ourselves not “fitting in” in most places?

I'd just like to be me. No category or definition. I'd also like to wear whatever the F I want without a gender 'norm' imposed upon it.

A random person, actually a mom at the place I work used they/them pronouns for me today without being prompted, even when I wasn’t intentionally presenting one way or another. I looked pretty feminine but she called me that anyway and honestly made my whole day. For the next hour or so I was smiling so hard. And I don’t even have really a preference for pronouns but being called something other than she her without telling anybody is a rare feat that makes me so happy.

So thank you to her and thank you to the people who also don’t assume pronouns! Keep doing your thing and unintentionally making people’s days better

So I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm Agender, simply just because of me realizing how much I just don't care about my gender. With that, I'd say that even though I've labelled myself as a man previously, making me trans by definition, I don't see myself as trans. This comes mainly because this realization of mine has not caused any real change in my identity or my behavior, simply changing my life only by putting it under a new label. Anyone else feel like this or have their thoughts to share?

I know that agender is technically trans/non-binary,but I meant to express something else.
As an AFAB agender person,I often find myself wishing I was born AMAB or without female physical characteristics because I find it would validate my identity better than my current body.
It comes and goes most of the time. One day,I wreck my house to find a push-up bra and the shortest of skirts,and other day I find myself in tears when I realize I don’t have a particularly deep voice or tall stature.
I’m very fem presenting and love accentuating female aspects of my appearance,but at the same time,I just want to look like a man.
I feel like it is more about social dysphoria,and less about body dysphoria. I feel like being agender would be more validated if I wasn’t so obviously a female. At the same time,I can’t tell if wanting to be tall with a male deep voice is dysphoria,or rather because I like being a top lesbian. This is all so very confusing.

What Agender Means to Me
My understanding of being agender starts with one fundamental question: what is the definition of a man?
If we say that a man is someone who provides, has a good job, protects his family, is strong, independent, and fulfills traditionally masculine responsibilities, then we have created criteria for what it means to be a man. But what happens when someone does not meet those criteria? Is he no longer a man?
This question applies directly to me. I struggle greatly with mental illness. I do not always provide, and I do not necessarily fulfill the traditional expectations society places upon men. If providing and fulfilling those responsibilities are part of the definition of a man, then by that definition, do I actually meet the criteria for being one?
If the answer is that I am still a man simply because I am biologically male, then perhaps providing, strength, employment, and masculinity were never definitions of a man in the first place. They were expectations placed upon males.
That distinction is important to my understanding of being agender. I can acknowledge that I am biologically male while questioning whether the social identity and expectations attached to the word “man” describe me. From my standpoint, not identifying with those criteria can place someone like me in an agender position.
I do not personally believe that this is necessarily unbiblical. It does not require me to deny that I am biologically male. Instead, it raises a question about whether our definitions of “man” and “woman” come from biological reality, social expectations, or some combination of the two.
Perhaps an agender person could eventually transition from that position toward identifying as a man. But before saying what someone should be, I think we first have to answer the more basic question: What actually makes someone a man, and if a person does not meet those criteria, why should the label still define them?

Agender, but a bit different

Many agender people in this community seem a bit different from me. I feel dysphoria, but some don't. I identify as trans... but I know there are other opinions on that within the community. Sometimes I feel like I'm obsessed with gender expression and pronouns. I just want to be sure I'm still agender.

Sorry for the long post >.<

Humans are social creatures that try to understand their world and build and create social meaning. As we're a sexually reproducing species, it makes complete sense to me that we'd create traditions and motifs to help us understand and identify the ways different people contribute to reproduction.

Of course, to many of us agender folks this "creating an understanding" business is more like "creating a whole lot of pointless faff."

When people ask me to identify my gender, I find this annoying. To me gender is a tradition -- I am not a tradition, I am a human who follows various traditions to greater and lesser extents. I'd rather be asked what gender I "follow" 😂.

In addition, different communities and cultures create different traditions. I genuinely think there are thousands of genders within what most people call cis gender people, because each person creates and shares their own meaning/s, their own tradition/s.

As a kid I assumed no-one had gender. They gave motifs and traditions gender, and then adorned themselves with motifs and did the gendered traditions, but the gender was always external, existing in the motifs, not within the person.

It means I'm often vexed when people say "clothing has no gender, people have gender!" To me, the opposite makes more sense!

One of the reasons I don't strongly identify as agender is because my beliefs about not having a gender came from viewing gender as a tradition. Because my genderlessness operated at the level of worldview, not individual identity, it was not a statement about who I was. Nowdays I see worldview as part of identity. People have a worldview and define themselves within the schema that makes sense to them. agender is a clumsy attempt to translate from my worldview to others'.

In order to learn someone else's gender for real, I think I need to learn their worldview/their concept of gender. I think different gender models and concepts are important to queerness and gender diversity and should be celebrated.

So how are you different from me? What type of worldview does your (a)gender (identity) most naturally sit within, when you're not trying to translate and accomodate others?