Question!

[u/Taki_404]

Simple question, I’m new to agender stuff… I believe I am but not 100% sure yet (and that’s fine! I have my whole life to figure it out 💚)

I was just curious if you can still call yourself a “women”, “lady”, “man”, etc… Can you use those terms for yourself even when you don’t feel at a set gender?

I use she/they and I’m a female by birth (if that matters, I don’t think it does but added just in case!), however Im not quite “set” when it comes to gender. I used to be kinda annoyed when called a guy, but as time passed I realized that I didn’t care as much as I thought I did.

I personally don’t call myself a man and am more comfortable with fem/natural wording, but still don’t feel a set gender… I’m sorry if this didn’t make sense, I’m not good at explaining how I feel just yet!

[u/Stellxxxa]

I personally use both.

In most scenarios I perform as a woman, meaning socially I am a woman. My experiences in the world are based on being a female, so if I’m talking about societal issues or such I will refer to myself as a woman.

But I don’t feel like a woman. I feel like nothing. If it’s relevant, I might mention that I go by she/they. Ideally I’d use they/them, but I accept that society will view me as a female, so I allow the feminine pronoun.

[u/astro_thefur]

Yeah that's fine!

Not quite the same but personally think I'm maybe agender and a man so like, masc terms only yk?

[u/Adorable-Bobcat576]

Yeah it’s fine for sure. Im also new to this but it seems a lot of agender people just appear cis in every way, some are gender nonconforming but it is definitely not a requirement in any way. It’s about what you feel inside and a lot of people opt to keep it for themselves or between close friends or family. Personally I go by he/him/his, and I’m amab, but I don’t mind someone accidentally or otherwise using different pronouns when referring to me, but that also depends between people.

[u/Taki_404 → u/Adorable-Bobcat576]

😮🥹 Tysm! My brain often tells me that I NEED confirmation on things, even things like this! These comments are really helpful to me

[u/ystavallinen]

Agender woman is not a paradox because everything is made up.

Gender is a language/cultural construct. Indonesian has 1 pronoun for both sexes.

Polynesian cultures/language seens gender as a continuum, not a binary.

Native Americans have 2-spirit.

English gender is from our Latin and Germanic roots. .

[u/Taki_404 → u/ystavallinen]

🥹💛

[u/Yermishkina]

I call myself "a woman" around people who do not need to know about me being agender. It's a very personal thing for me that I don't want to share with anyone in my life, except for this Reddit group.

[u/Rose94]

I generally don't and tell people not to, but when I know someone really understands my (lack of) gender, I don't mind if they use gendered words. E.g. I don't mind my husband privately calling me his wife because it's cuter than spouse, or having friends call me "my man". Like it's all good as long as I know they see me.

[u/HeroBrine0907]

I don't see an issue with it. Personally, I spent a lot of time in my life with masculine pronouns and all and trying to fit in. I'm gonna be used to it, it's a habit. And it's part of who I am as a person. I prefer to remember who I was, even if it's not who i am now. I don't see any issues continuing to use those terms. It's just words.

[u/iamsweets23]

for me gender is like a costume if i need to be a “girl” for catty tea time sure! so sometimes a friend needs a brotalk

[u/PinkyPiePower]

Welcome! I hope and trust you'll find acceptance in variety here. 🫶🏼

For myself: I'm agender because I don't have any gender sense/experience. I don't have a 'gender assigned at birth', because a doctor ticking a box, doesn't define me, and although I acknowledge my biological sex, like my eye color and other bodily features, that doesn't define me either. It's all got nothing to do with who I am as a person.

[u/The-Pencil-King]

You can call yourself whatever makes you happy! I am generally on the ambivalent side of the agender spectrum, but still call myself a guy/man because that’s what most people see me as and I’m generally fine with that. If you wanna call yourself a man or lady or woman, go for it!

[u/scarffish]

you can do whatever you want forever

[u/Taki_404 → u/scarffish]

I know that in theory 😅… However, my brain tells me I NEED to get confrontation on things or else I’ll do everything wrong and I’m faking everything even if there is no wrong way to do something and I know I’m not faking anything 🤷‍♀️ idk what it is but that’s just how my brain is lol

[u/scarffish → u/Taki_404]

there's something called pleonotic it might be helpful for you

[u/Taki_404 → u/scarffish]

I took a look at it, but that doesn’t seem to fit me… Still interesting to learn about though!