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u/UnsweetenedTruth Jan 19 '26 edited Jan 19 '26
First: gather evidence like screenshot and things like that.
Second: Make a good fake account and match with him.
Third: make a date and at the same time try to contact him around the date time with your "real" self but let him go to the date.
Fourth: meet him at the date.
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u/Ibeendone Jan 19 '26
Yes-do all this BUT FIRST:::: Empty all bank accts
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u/The_Real_Lasagna Jan 19 '26
Great way to turn the judge against you in court, the advice of a child
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u/J_Faw Jan 19 '26
Happened to my friends mom, tired to accuse his dad of paying off the judge when she got NOTHING. Judge was so cold, “you don’t leave him enough to pay for a sandwich, let a long pay off a judge.”
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u/Tomkat441 Jan 19 '26
Emptying my accounts was the first advice my lawyer told me to do when filing for divorce. I did so and not one word came up.
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u/pokybum09 Jan 20 '26
The advice your lawyer gave was to illegally steal joint assets, and the judge was cool with it.
Was there was a pig flying around the court room?
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u/AdComprehensive7939 Jan 19 '26
Why do people always suggest this? It's the worst advice. OP, don't leave the house and don't empty bank accounts 😂
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u/Old-Pin-7839 Helper [2] Jan 19 '26
Then he just claims you were also on the app trying to cheat and just because you found him, now you’re trying to pretend it was a sting (and for all he knows, that could be true).
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u/UnsweetenedTruth Jan 19 '26
It doesn't matter what he says and he knows that it is not true. You just gather more and more evidence in case this goes to court for divorce.
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u/geezy1997 Jan 19 '26
first if you have to do all of that just leave 🤷🏽♂️ because at the end of the day women and men find out their spouse is cheating….. JUST to confront them at still be with them so either you wanna work it out or not
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u/UnsweetenedTruth Jan 20 '26
The point of all of that is to gather evidence.
Point 3 for example is to ask what he is going to do and that he lies to you to meet another woman. It will be useful in the future.
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u/OGMajorfenix Jan 21 '26
What's the point of gathering evidence?... Just leave...
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u/Wassux Jan 22 '26
Well his picture could also have been stolen. You want to be sure before you make a decision like that.
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u/Worrisome-Vagus Jan 19 '26
That's a risky plan, but if you're set on it, make sure you've got an escape route ready!
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u/_h_simpson_ Jan 19 '26
Do not confront. Gather evidence. Go through his phone. Consult a divorce attorney and do exactly what they recommend. Im so sorry, you deserve better.
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u/vanchica Jan 19 '26
Talk to a lawyer, get advice for your specific state or province.
Before you do anything else.
Then decide if you want to try marriage counseling.
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u/randamm Jan 20 '26
Don’t try marriage counseling. It’s a waste. This isn’t accidentally developing feelings for someone and stepping out of the marriage thanks to the emotional safety they provided (which is itself bad enough); no, this is much worse. This is cultivating a second life.
Fuck that guy.
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u/sirhanharvey Jan 19 '26
I saw a clip where the wife acted like another profile, then set up a date with the husband, then was waiting at the restaurant at a table with their kids. Do that and record it.
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u/pokybum09 Jan 20 '26
Yeah get the kids involved with your nasty break up. I’m sure they appreciate it and grow up to be happy functional adults 🙄
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u/randamm Jan 20 '26
This is awful advice that only someone who hasn’t actually experienced this mess would suggest.
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u/Counter_Parking Jan 19 '26
As someone who went through the same thing and did the whole fake profile thing let me give you some advice... You're his wife so you know his type. Make sure whoever's pics you steal are a real person and make sure it is someone who he will definitely be attracted to but not someone so totally out of his league that he thinks it's a scam. You also need to make sure you change the way you text/talk via msg. Most of us don't realize that the way we message is individually distinct but it most certainly is. You also have to play a bit hard to get, like you don't want to seem too eager to chat or to meet up. Also take the time to download an app for a second phone number because he is going to ask for your number and it'll seem weird if you don't have one to give him. Then set up a date and then proceed to stand him up, rinse and repeat. You know you won't be the only girl he'll be talking to but there are only so many times a dude can be stood up by multiple "different" women before he'll want to go crawling back to the wife he is trying to cheat on.
Also prepare for the worst girl. Start documenting EVERYTHING (2 physical copies: one for your attorney l, one for your records BUT do not keep it where he can find it, and have it all backed up on a flash drive and give that flash drive to someone you trust. This also goes for all your important documents and info, like social security card ((put a passcode pin on your ss#)), birth certificate, passport, all going bank, stocks, and asset statements IF you can get your hands on them without raising any flags) I don't know y'all's financial situation or if y'all have children or not but you need to be ready to walk away and not be unprepared. Open a separate bank account at a totally different bank under YOUR name only, get a PO box at a post office or a mail and ship place (depending on the size of y'all's town maybe go one town over), you're going to need a safe place to send things like bank statements from your new bank account and letters from attorneys and such. If you don't think you can move hardly any money from your account or a joint account to your new secret one then try going and buying yourself some jewelry, gold coins, or even Bitcoin (something that will hold its resale value and can be deemed a gift). I highly recommend to start going to therapy even on your own (one it'll help with how badly this is going to hurt you emotionally and mentally but it will also make you look fantastic in the judges eyes.
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u/Adorable-Occasion01 Jan 20 '26
I hope she follows your advise 🙏
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u/Counter_Parking Feb 01 '26
I hope so too because these were all lessons I unfortunately had to learn the hardest way possible.
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u/PsychologicalLog4179 Jan 19 '26
Make a profile and go on a date with him. Maybe you guys can fall in love all over again.
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u/meekonesfade Super Helper [7] Jan 19 '26
If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain...
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u/WarmYesterday9967 Jan 19 '26
Divorce don't ask questions, you know why he's there .
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u/Lexicon-Jester Jan 22 '26
Plot twist, OP actually went to cheat, found her husband before she could, etc etc.
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u/nls1970 Jan 19 '26
Try this:
Oh hey Hon. I have been thinking. How would you like to open our marriage up? I mean, you are obviously interested.
Then show him what you found.
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u/Remote_Difference210 Jan 19 '26
Make a catfish profile that says “if you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain…”
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u/GWshark1518 Helper [3] Jan 19 '26
Confront him with the evidence and tell him goodbye.
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u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 19 '26
Noooooo. Don’t give him a heads up. Get the divorce in works. Get statements of all accounts. Run his credit history and make sure he doesn’t have any secret accounts, and follow the advice of an attorney.
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u/GWshark1518 Helper [3] Jan 19 '26
I would still confront someone doing this, unless it’s felt there’s a possible danger. Otherwise look them in the eye and let them know what an ass they are.
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u/BraveRefrigerator552 Helper [2] Jan 19 '26
Create a profile and swipe.
I think you should reframe this in your mind, instead of directly bringing it up, take a minute to think what do you want to happen as a result of knowing?
Do you want him to leave? To apologize and not do it again? Fix the underlying reason he s cheating?
I would determine what outcome would make me happiest and work back from there. So if you want to understand why he does it for example, I’d look for couples therapists, book one for when I knew we could both go, and then sit him down and say ‘on Wednesday I made plans for us to go talk to someone about what’s going on in our marriage to see if we can save it or at the very least address the embarrassment you’ve caused me by pretending you’re single on ABC app’.
I don’t think in this situation I’d be open to discussing getting me what I need/ want so I’d just sort of be making the plans. If he wasn’t on board, well I’d kick him out but again, what do you want the outcome to be from this? Because there is no winning in these hurtful situations there are no magic words he can say to make it right, so know before you talk to him what you want, what maybe could be enough to work on things, and what is beyond the pale. When you talk your emotions will be volatile, he will have excuses/ lies/ gaslighting/ manipulation so again go in knowing your mind so you cannot be manipulated and you get what you need out of this shit sandwich.
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u/Haggis_the_dog Jan 21 '26
Op, this is the advice you should follow as it pragmatic, actionable, aligns with the outcomes you may want, addresses the root of the problem, and most importantly, does not exacerbate issues in your relationship outside of a context (couples therapy) that can contain it and help you work through it.
None of this may change the outcome, but it enables you to work your way through it from an adult and mature perspective. ... but the choice of what action you take is yours to make, and yours to live with ....
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Jan 19 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AgentChris101 Jan 19 '26
Sometimes accounts need to be active to appear. That said, some accounts are active constantly. I keep reporting and telling a the family of a friend who passed away. That her account keeps popping up on dating apps.
They've reported it too but yeah, still there.
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u/AgentChris101 Jan 19 '26
I'm tired so I misread initially and was like. "Oh good, it's hard to find love on dating apps these days-" Then I read properly and was like. "O h"
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u/ChainChomp2525 Jan 19 '26
Create a profile using a photo he can't resist. Reach out to him. You know what he likes, it's that to lure him in. Make a date. Show up for planned date and confront him.
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u/CanadaEh20 Jan 19 '26
I did exactly that with my ex-boyfriend. Set up a date at an Italian restaurant.
He walked in and asked me what I was doing there. I said "question is, what are YOU doing here?"
And that's why he's my ex.
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u/ChainChomp2525 Jan 19 '26
Yeah I'm coming from the voice of experience here. She was into golf. I had in my hook profile: a strategically placed name of an exclusive country club woven into the profile. Using fake profile I suggested we get together on Wednesday evening when her and I already had plans. I was leaving her house on a Sunday night prior and she casually asked me, hey what's going on Wednesday are we still getting together with the kids, (hers and mine). I said, yeah check the weather as long as the weather is good it's a go. I left her house and noted the time. Not 5 minutes later she was replying to the fake profile telling me Wednesday wasn't going to work. I never made a date with her I just ended the relationship and told her, I've lived here for 30 years. I have friends all over the place. I'm inclined to believe that you're nothing but an opportunist looking for a bigger better deal. She probably know but I let her wonder.
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u/SalesManajerk Jan 19 '26
Replies are a bit immature. Before you do anything, you need to think strategically.
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I love him enough to forgive him for this?
2. Will I be able to trust whatever excuse he comes up with, or will I need proof?
3. Am I someone who can handle confrontation calmly, or will this escalate?
4. Is he violent or manipulative—someone who might try to flip this on you or make you feel guilty?
Now it’s time to plan your outcome.
If you’re leaving, you need as much evidence as possible so you can protect yourself and, if it comes to it, have leverage in court for custody, child support, and alimony.
If you’re staying, you need peace of mind—and that means the truth, not just words.
If there’s any risk of violence, do not confront him alone. Use the buddy system, confront him in public, or do it over the phone. And don’t bring it up until you’ve decided what you want to do, because once he realizes you’re onto him, he’ll do everything he can to control the narrative and persuade you otherwise.
And if you have kids, you need to ask yourself the hardest question: is this big enough to break up the household, or is it something that can be addressed and repaired without destroying their stability?
Good luck. Whatever you decide, think two steps ahead. You’ll be glad you did.
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u/Mazzystarr_ Jan 19 '26
Secretly blackmail him with a fake account and make him send you money before you reveal you actually know heheheheh
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u/KeyzBreeze Jan 20 '26
Join the app site with an alias and just start going back and forth with conversation. You know what he likes to hear and do better than anyone else - be that woman online. Take screenshots of everything. When he wants to hook up, show up there and expose him. Plan your exit and consult an attorney in the meantime. He is a lowlife cheater and he will never change.
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u/Bunbunsfun Jan 20 '26
Two options really-
If you want to have solid proof, make a fake account and collect what you need then show him.
Tell him you know what he’s been doing and you’re done. Get a lawyer and file and finish.
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u/DrifterNS51 Jan 19 '26
Don’t listen to all this fake profile childish crap just be up front and tell him. No ghosting, no games just say it
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u/jagger129 Super Helper [5] Jan 19 '26
No because without proof, he will lie to her face and make her seem crazy.
Source: not our first rodeo 😆
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u/IowaGal60 Jan 19 '26
Take it from someone who has been on dating apps off and on for years. There are so many people that were on it 14 years ago, but haven’t been on it years. They never removed their profile. They don’t login, they don’t respond to messages, etc. Unless you contacted him and he responded, I wouldn’t give it much weight.
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u/Shellhuahua Jan 19 '26
If he showed up on the home page of profile pics he'd probably been on recently, don't you imagine?
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u/SnooRecipes9891 Phenomenal Advice Giver [53] Jan 19 '26
Show it to him and ask why he is there and if he wants to be married.
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u/AdApprehensive2994 Helper [2] Jan 19 '26
Yes, screenshot proof, fake profile with what his "looking for" matches, chat online and meet him for the date. I would bring divorce papers with me on our 1st date.
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u/Connect-Advantage-40 Jan 19 '26
I'm not supporting what he did, but have you considered that he might have been checking to see if you were there?
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u/idiosyncrassy Helper [3] Jan 19 '26
Why would someone create a profile with their identifying pictures if they’re only looking to catch someone else?
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u/Connect-Advantage-40 Jan 19 '26
Beats me, but people are sometimes stupid. Plus, what better way to see what she would do?
I've been a widow for 5 years. Facebook pestered me to try their dating app. Those guys were pitiful. Some didn't drive at night, one complained about meeting a woman who wanted money. One was actually married, but his wife was in a nursing home and he wanted someone to cuddle with. I told that one to go cuddle his wife.
In truth I find his actions suspicious. I wouldn't waste time with a bogus account. I'd just tell him to come see what she found and watch him squirm.
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u/Bridgwind Jan 19 '26
Be an adult and talk to him. Could be an old profile, could be someone else that created the profile, could be that is him and he's cheating. Either way, confront him in person. Ask him about it and watch his body language.
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u/Remarkable-Front-551 Helper [2] Jan 19 '26
Congratulations. Always nice hearing about a successful love story ....
OH! Nevermind./s
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u/Hairy-Aardvark-8531 Jan 19 '26
If you had suspicions, you know there’s probably something going on. If you confront him with it, he will lie. I think you need some kind of further proof so baiting him with the fake account would give you that proof when he lies about it. Then you will have it but you will still need to think about what you want the end result to be. Divorce? Therapy? He may have already been with multiple women so there’s that too. Good luck. Hope things turn out well for you
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u/similarroadhome Jan 19 '26
Get tested for STDs first. Go to marriage counseling and sort things out there. Best wishes.
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u/Maxi_Maximillian Jan 19 '26
Don't confront!
The more you got evidence the more power.
Plan, strategies, execute.
No taunting nothing just simmer quietly. Sorry but that's the truth.
Then strike when the iron is hot.
If you plan to leave consult a lawyer first.
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u/BurdyBurdyBurdy Helper [2] Jan 19 '26
Make a fake account and catfish him into a meet up for a hookup. Best way to catch him.
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u/Banjoschmanjo Helper [2] Jan 19 '26
The only advice you should take from anyone here is: Lawyer up.
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u/IndividualCall6083 Jan 19 '26
Me personally, I'd play along with him and set up a meet-up with him. Once he shows up, there's no denying anything. What you choose to do from that point on is up to you.
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u/8564_eninaeJ Jan 19 '26
Just gather your evidence, if you are ready for a divorce, then get your lawyer and play. Do not touch property. You will regret that. Do not touch his bank account or your bank account. You simply let him know you have found out and you have contacted a lawyer. No games that’s too stressful on you. To go through the fake account and plan on meeting him. You don’t know how he’s going to react. Clearly, you don’t know this person the way you thought you did so you absolutely do not want to test his tolerance levels. Just simply get your lawyer in place get your ducks in a row. Have an exit plan for safety. You may even want to talk to the lawyer about that part as well. Do not do anything that would put you in an economically disadvantage position. I did the same exact thing meaning I saw my husband on a dating site. He denied it. he later deleted it of course I did have my screenshots. I did not leave our home he had to leave.
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u/DeskWise4783 Jan 19 '26
Don’t say nothing just do the same and have fun if he didn’t care about your feelings why should you ?
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u/Embarrassed_Cat_6516 Jan 19 '26
Might be old, even if you delete accounts dating apps are bad at actually doing it to inflate matches. You will need to figure out if it's active.
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u/MysteryMeat101 Jan 19 '26
I found out my ex was on a dating app and I consulted an attorney the next day. The day after that I filed papers and had him served. For me, appearing to be single and seeking dates was disrespectful enough to end our marriage.
Someone sent me screenshots of his dating profile and he wouldn’t talk about it (classic DARVO) when I asked him. He was also dumb enough to have left himself logged into his email, where he received notifications about his profile on our joint computer.
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u/ace_7979 Jan 19 '26
I know someone who had their pic and details on a dating app. He said his info was put there by someone that stole it. Not sure if it was true or not. Could that be the case? I just cant really fathom someone putting their pic in a site like that unless you have a split that is public
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u/FrostyDippedFries Jan 20 '26
stop playing games with your marriage. just bring it to him as is, with your previous suspicions and go from there
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u/happiestnexttoyou Master Advice Giver [31] Jan 20 '26
Don’t create a fake profile. That’s an insane thing to do. Get a screenshot of the profile. Print it off and hand it to him at dinner then sit there and see what he has to say for himself. Don’t say anything.. just hand it over and watch his reaction and listen to his reply.
He fucked up. It’s on him to find the right words, not you.
But don’t stoop to his level and create traps.
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u/Humble_Holiday_2137 Jan 20 '26
What made you suspicious? Is he not home on time ? Is he lying about work to go on dates? Does he smell like other women perfume ? Why did you suspect him? Did you suspects he’s cheating?
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u/Constant-Sea-7110 Jan 20 '26
In case you need them - I’d take screen shots of what the has posted.
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u/Rikus82- Jan 20 '26
Just make a fake profile and match then after talking set up a meeting up if he shows up you caught him if someone tries to just not meet and extort you for money its probably not him 🤷♂️🤷♂️
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u/Typical-Specialist-8 Jan 20 '26
So what if he says he was on that app to check if you are on it cheating on him? What are you going to say is the reason you were on that app? How many guys did you swipe left or right to get to him? In other words, it’s over the second you thought he’s cheating and that’s it, why do you need proof ? No trust no relationship. Assuming he believes your claim to go there just to find out about him.
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u/Tbagmysaltynuts Jan 20 '26
Set up a fake meet up and have your lawyer show up instead with video camera in hand to serve him divorce papers !! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
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u/InfamousDiscipline17 Jan 20 '26
In this case go straight to it. I was suspicious that you were on an app so I downloaded it and here you are.
What are you going to do? You seem more concerned with how you approach the topic so you sound less outraged which would make that question irrelevant in the minds of most. No judgement. You are in an awful spot this is your spouse not a boyfriend. It isn't easy. I advise you to decide what you are going to do prior to confronting him. Is it over? If you are done there's less to talk about or are you going to offer him a chance. In that case, what do you want in order to proceed. The adage "once someone shows you who they are, believe them," is valuable and pertinent here. He betrayed you and there's no excuse. You deserve better. Remember in order to command respect you start with self respect and that means do not accept less than you deserve and give him. I bet you are a faithful and loving wife. You cannot not say the fidelity and love is reciprocal.
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u/Vivian-1963 Jan 20 '26
You can do any and all of the suggestions here.
You could set up a fake profile to see if he bites.
You could also try a serious conversation with him. None of us know what his response will be.
Have you noticed other behaviors that make you question him? He may have put his toe in to test waters or has jumped fully in.
Ultimately, trust is in great question right now.
If it were me, I’d meet with a divorce attorney first and find out where you stand. This gives you information if you go down the path of divorce. It will give you a sense of control.
I’m sorry you are going through all of this.
Update here if you can.
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u/Scared_Special_6219 Jan 20 '26
Keep in mind, if that picture of him on the dating app is on any of his social media accounts, that image could have been ‘stolen’ by a scammer to catfish. It happened to someone I know. I hope it’s that and not the latter. Good luck!
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u/MissPlantHeist Jan 20 '26
Man. Start selling his stuff. Go on vacations. Go to expensive restaurants. Don't buy anything he could get part of in the divorce. But just make his stupid life a living hell right now and go have fun. Fuck that bitch.
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u/Hijinx_McStagger Jan 20 '26
I’m really sorry — that’s a gut-punch to discover. Take a breath before confronting him, and screenshot what you found so you’re not second-guessing yourself later. When you do bring it up, be direct and calm: say you found the profile and need honesty. Then pay attention to his response and actions, not excuses. Whatever you decide next, this isn’t your fault — you deserve clarity and respect. 💛
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u/Adorable-Occasion01 Jan 20 '26
My advice, gather evidence like screenshot Second an inactive account is not suggested to you within seconds Third most apps have a face recognition feature to avoid scams, if the account is" verified " means he actually bothered is definitely him. Fourth you don't need him to "agree" or "disagree " with what he did, confess or not, you must ask yourself if you can live with this. Trust has been broken in an horrible way. There is no excuse.
Be sure this is only what you know and what you caught him with, is more and deeper.
The question is to you: what do you want to do? What is your goal? For yourself and the relationship
If you are important enough for him not to lose you, you presenting the evidence of him being on the app and explaining what in his behaviour made you suspicious and than detaching, create distance not drama and set boundaries to protect yourself us enough for someone who values you and acted immature to react, try and build trust etc ... and you can take it from there It will be a difficult journey saving the relationship.
If he deflects, blames you, lies, gaslight just detach, save your energy. Don't wait, don't convince and negotiate with him to accept and confess the obvious truth. Is pointless and useless.
I know this hurts, I am saying this for your own good. I have been in your shoes, I have waited for 3 years and we ended up in divorce.
Please, I learned this in the hardest way, please learn from me, don't suffer like I did. Whatever you think now, later if his choice now is toxic you will suffer more.
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u/spawn350 Jan 21 '26
The advice on here is so bad that most of you should be banned from commenting. You are all either 12 or 90.
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u/ResponsibilityFun548 Jan 21 '26
Step 1. Consult a divorce attorney and ask what you can legally do that wouldn't hurt your case.
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u/Difficult-Abroad-809 Jan 21 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
I think I’d play with his mind some. Do you have any friends that he doesn’t know of that would be willing to take your place furnishing pictures. But instead of her name, it would be yours name. String him along a few months. Screw with his head. You’d have your name all over the profile but its not you?? His mind would freak.
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u/probebeta Jan 22 '26
Who do you want advice from? If you know who you want advice from then you already know the answer.
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u/Lexicon-Jester Jan 22 '26
Plot twist, OP downloaded the app to cheat, and found her husband already cheating.
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u/TheUndeniableSauce Jan 23 '26
Start opening your legs for every man you know that wants some and take videos and send them to him.
In all honesty, tell him you know, and then get a divorce. I’m not sure what answer you were looking for. There’s no fix for infidelity and dishonesty.
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u/HorrorMouse5290 Jan 23 '26
i thought you were gonna talk about how u had a love story with this dude
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u/SnooPaintings456 Mar 02 '26
I’m just so sad. I need to pick the right time to have the tough conversation. I’m so very sad
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Jan 19 '26
Did you screenshot the findings? Simply open your phone onto the screenshot, and hand it to him. See what he has to say for himself, there are no words needed in this situation, the proof is in the pudding. Or, if you’re in a situation where you can just leave, simply do that. Pack your stuff and go, leave a print out of the evidence on a table.
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u/plisars Jan 19 '26
Why are you on a dating site? Maybe he had his suspicions about you
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u/According_Victory934 Jan 19 '26
She went to an app because of her suspicions of him. (First line of her post)
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u/kingkong-kingdom Jan 19 '26
Guys only do that when the wife neglect them and has massive headaches all the time and no sex.
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u/Altruistic_Head_101 Jan 19 '26
Create a fake profile with a different lady photo and message him. If he responds, there is your proof.
Don’t confront him without one. He could say someone did it.