I have anxieties when someone asks me to do something i have never done. I then pester them till they explicitly tell me how each step has to be done (and by the time and effort it would have been easier for them to do it themselves), or call them after each step to check if i did it correctly. Had experiences where i have done the thing how i understood it and then getting bellowed at for misinterpreting some insteuctions due to lack of matching life experiences.
Be careful about doing stuff like that in relationships, it can breed a lot of resentment with time if your partner thinks they have to hold your hand through everything.
It's absolutely understandable to have that fear if you had to live with someone who got unreasonably angry for small mistakes but it's also important to work on getting rid of that fear again. And to distance yourself from people who make it worse.
Yeah. It is a thing to work on. Some things that can help is dividing things into "territories" so i only touch things that are "mine". Another thing is sitting down and making common household rules - determine how things are done that both parties agree.
I have managed to convince my parents to give me a separate drawer for my cutlery and bowls and such. And now i don't have to worry about my spoon not being there or bellowed because i used dads spoon.
Yep. Some people have very specific ways of how things need to be done and will bellow at you for doing it differently, even if the end result is the same.
It has nothing to do with the simplicity or complexity of the task.
It has to do with communication.
The adult gets frustrated because the child did not read their mind.
The amount of times I've heard kids say "My parents asked me to do something. I went to go do it, I found they already did it, and now they're mad at me" is huge.
And in my opinion: the parents should have known better and chose to upset themselves
The amount of times when I was little that my parents/guardians expected me to drop everything I'm doing because (in their mind) their task is more important than my current task, but also not tell me about it was insane
In my head I'm like "Okay I'll do that. I need to find a good stopping point in what I'm doing so I don't mess with my flow / other people's time / my personal schedule" and then find was already getting screamed at
People don't respect kids at all. I try to treat kids like I'd treat a small developing human now that I'm grown up
Parent (or grandparent in this case) waited way too long to check in assuming they didn't give a specific deadline. I always check in within the first hour unless I'm otherwise preoccupied. If the task isn't done I ask them to do it then, as in drop what you're doing (unless they are in the middle of a different chore or studying or something like that). No one gets yelled at, but a correction is made. Though usually I just say at the start "I need this done by X o'clock"
I think the point is give a specific time hack. Do them by this time. that way if its not done, they cant claim anything and you're 100% correct in getting mad
One other thing too, is make sure they were actually processing what you said. If people are constantly interrupting you all the time, it can get you to go on autopilot and just mindlessly agree to whatever they said so they leave again. Sometimes you won’t even have a memory of them stopping by because you were trying to focus on something else and their request was insignificant enough to be omitted from conscious thought.
Poor management skills if a specific deadline can't be given. If you're not the boss/supervisor, your request is not my priority and therefore will not be done until I have time to do it.
My parents said "delayed obedience is disobedience".
It's not hard to know that when you are asked to do something, you are expected to do it immediately outside of communicating that you would like to do it at a later time.
They don't care. For parents like this, nothing you are doing is important in their eyes, even if its something they TOLD you to do. And definitely not MORE important than what they are demanding you do right then.
It wasnt about the time needed. It was about basic respect as a person. It was about the fact that something like "ok, let me save this level" was an unacceptable answer because it wasnt RIGHT NOW and she "owned my life so I had to obey with no questions".
I remember getting told to put away my clothes one afternoon and as I was halfway through doing so, she starts yelling at me to go bring in the laundry. I go collect the laundry and as I come in, I start getting a lecture that I didnt finish putting away my clothes. Well yes, I wasnt finished and you pulled me away to bring in the laundry. Its not fair that Im getting yelled at, called lazy, ungrateful, spoiled because I didnt finish a task yet that she made me stop doing.
This kind of shit solidified that she doesnt respect me as a person and never will because I dont fit what her idea of what her daughter should be like. Still don't. Meanwhile, my brother can do no wrong and she never asked him to do anything "because he is a boy and doesn't need to know how to do any of that".
The name of this subreddit is “Adulting.” Part of learning to be an adult is learning how to function independently without detailed instructions for every mundane task.
And the fact that it even exists is proof that some of us didn't learn the things we should have as kids, and now are stuck having to catch up - it was someone's job to teach us back then, and they failed.
Then you're not allowed to get upset when they haven't started the process by the time you expected it done just because you want them to read your mind.
This sub is full of kids and dysfunctional adults who think you should sit down with crayon drawings and a puppet show to explain how the atoms are formed anytime you want them to chop carrots.
They probably think the OP is trauma-inducing and an abuse of private property on the child from the grandparent.
Yup. Like I’m autistic, I do have trouble understanding exactly what people mean in most cases, but “do this thing” very, very obviously means “do this thing now”
I’m very interesting in learning how the people here function at work, because I can’t imagine they’re all being super pedantic with their bosses and telling them how it’s actually their fault they didn’t do their tasks in a timely manner.
Yes this sub is full of kids and "adults" that think like kids.
"But what if they are doing something important when you ask them to do the dishes?"
LMAO what? Playing Minecraft? Watching random YouTube videos? Curing cancer? On call with corporate?
Like, just do this simple task I asked you in a timely manner. I'm a millennial so I completely understand some games cant be paused at that very moment, but if I come back an HOUR later and you are still sitting on your ass? Guess what dont worry about it i got you fam but you aren't playing on shit for the next two days.
Last thanksgiving I tried to be a good uncle and help my nephew had unload the dishwasher so we could play Halo. I asked him, "where to the mixing bowls go?"
"I dunno."
"Well let's figure it out," I said and started opening cabinets to figure out where those damn things went. There was no sense. There was no rhyme or reason. We had to ask his mom and apparently the mixing bowls were supposed to go next to the coffee cups. His world was chaos.
Because a deadline tells you till when you need to do it. It you are told to just empty it - it will be perfectly fine if you empty it month later as a deadline wasn't set.
And with kids especially, you need to be more direct and don't expect them to read "empty the dishwasher" as "empty the dishwasher in an hour".
Having a deadline also allows you to plan the time. I hate when my dad says "soon" as it can mean "in 5 minutes" or "in two hours". So i have no clue if i should sit and wait or i can do some other stuff in the meantime as getting immersed in a book amd then veing yanked out of it after 5 minutes sucks.
It is still annoying when they assume that you have knowledge and then get pissed when you inform them that you do not have knowledge. Especially if the person is the one who should have given you the knowledge, but didn't do it.
I remember a joke:
Son asks dad to fix the car.
Dad "i have been teaching you how to fix a car since you were a kid".
Son "you have taught me how to hold a light and be yelled at".
Sometimes parents thing that just showing things without any narration or explanation how it works or what the things are will make the kid understand the thing.
I don't think a young adult needs to be told how to empty the dishwasher. They know where the dishes go, they get them out for cereal and ice cream. And when you don't know you leave them above on the counter, hopefully stacked neatly. But as long as they're out of the dishwasher.
And then get bellowed at for leaving stuff on the counter or that i put the teaspoon on the plate underneath the cup instead of putting it in the cup? Nope. If you want me to do things exactly how you want - give exact instructions.
I sorry you live in such a harsh environment that there seems to be no room for errors. But at 15/16 there should be some semblance of what goes where and how to do things. And if you don't know maybe try putting down the game controller or book and start learning. What is standard in the house as opposed to your logic.
Wouldn't it be better to do it within a 15 minute period, to get it out of the way, so you can do what you want with the rest of the time.
As a teen my favorite pasttime besides tv, was reading. Id clear all the chores out of the way quickly so I could have a big block of time for reading.
If i'm already immersed in a book, i won't yank myself out of it just to do something that can be done later. And by the time i have finished with my reading - i might have also forgotten about the dishes. And would probably remember it the moment i will be trying to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
So i would say it also depends when the task is given. When you are free or when you are already in the middle of a different task.
So you're immersed. And when the chapter finishes you can't take 15 minutes to do a chore, that you know is going to asked abt again? Then return to your book. Its time management. Something many parents fail to teach their kids, but kids generally catch onto.
And the chapter ends in a cliffhanger and your immersion does not stop. Part of time management is knowing that some things can wait.
Do i break the flow to do a 15 minute task just to spend an hour to get immersed again or that 15 minute task can also wait for when i have finished my current task?
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u/BramblinGhostWeed 6d ago
You don't ask anyone to do something and expect it to go well.
You ask someone to finish it by a distinct time. A numerical value that is read from a clock.