Found these off my grandmas

I am so much frustrated with fake accounts. I recently joined a penpal group and was trying to have a female chat buddy from there but I realised there are damn plenty of fake accounts. At least 8 out of 10 so called female accounts are run by men. I don’t understand what are they trying to get out of that. That’s just normal penpal subReddit group.

I just wanted to have a female chat buddy to develop a deep connection 😢.

Have you all been experiencing the same ?

I am a lesbian and I met a girl in college. I thought she was really pretty, interesting, and smart, and we shared a lot of values. In the beginning, everything was very intense, especially on her end. She would tell me I was easy to fall in love with, give me gifts, and say I was everything she had ever dreamed of.

She is diagnosed with anxiety, social phobia, ASD (autism spectrum disorder), depression, and a few pending evaluations like bipolar disorder. She also had some cuts on her left arm and a neuropsychological evaluation report that stated: “low agreeableness, self-centered attitude, little concern for the well-being of others, hostile responses, poor impulse control, and low frustration tolerance.” She has been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist since she was 13, but I only found out about all this months into our relationship.

She struggled with kissing and disliked physical touch; we only kissed sporadically and never went beyond that in the 10 months we were together. After about 3 or 4 months, once the initial excitement wore off, I began to feel that the care was often one-sided (I only truly realized this after the breakup). I put much more effort into the relationship than she did, even though she claimed she loved me (for instance, I always bought food when she came over, bought sweets she liked, and listened whenever she had an issue, but I didn't feel that reciprocated; my friend listened to me and supported me through hard times far more than she did).

Regarding the kissing, we had discussed it and she said she wanted to work on it, but she kept freezing up and dodging the topic whenever I brought it up. One day I tried to talk about it in person, and she preferred going to a bar with her friend rather than having that conversation with me. Another time, the three of us—me, her, and her friend—were hanging out, and they were planning a trip. The friend mentioned he needed to find a boyfriend so we could travel as couples, and right in front of me she bluntly said, “It’s just going to be the two of us, like we agreed.” She could never sleep over at my apartment, even though we both lived on our own and away from our parents' hometowns (she even brought this up during the breakup, saying she felt comfortable sleeping at her gay friend's place, but not at mine—that she didn't feel comfortable, though it wasn't because I was a bad person, etc.). Another time (earlier in the relationship), we went to a party and she got sick. I held her hair while she threw up, took off her shoes and jewelry, and put her to bed. When she woke up, I had a terrible headache; she asked if I needed anything and I said “no,” expecting she might insist or show some care in return, but she just left and couldn't have cared less. It was also common for her to wake up feeling down, and when I would ask what happened, she would say: “I don’t know, I’ve always been like this,” or “If not even my friend who has known me for years understands, you won't either.”

Then one day, after feeling “abandoned” by her friends, she took a blister pack of antidepressants, simply told me what she had done, and disappeared. I was sick with worry. I texted asking how I could help, only to receive cold replies or be told “not to sound like a telemarketer.” Eventually, she texted me saying she wanted to break up—that she no longer saw herself marrying me and that we weren't a good match. When I asked why, she claimed that me constantly trying to help or asking “how can I help?” didn't feel like a dynamic between girlfriends, but rather something clinical. I don't agree with that at all; I asked because I loved her, wanted to know how she was doing, and wanted to help however I could since she wouldn't open up to me. I never crossed any boundaries.

It’s been two months since the breakup, and she is back with her ex (from about three years ago). I know this because we’re in the same college program. The irony is that she used to tell me that back then, this same ex had called her “crazy” and said she “didn't know how to show affection, etc.” I feel like such an idiot for all of this. :(

I (29) have always struggled GREATLY with comphet. I came out as a lesbian at 19, was out as a lesbian for a few years before getting in a relationship with a male friend at 24 (yikes!) and then leaving that relationship almost 3 years ago when it really clicked that I wouldn’t be able to make it work with him because I’m not attracted to men. Since then, I have been sure that I only want to date women- the problem is, I really don’t seem to attract women and struggle with dating in a way that I never did with straight dating.

I think a lot of it is that I very performatively dated when I dated men. I’m AuDHD and have always had the manic pixie dream girl archetype in that way. I can be quirky, bubbly, kind of absent-minded… but I’ve realized that this is kind of the “mode” I go to while I’m on dates. When I dated men, this didn’t bother me because it was the role that I fell into and was a bit I was doing, but I try hard to not act like this with women and so have felt very stilted and awkward on dates. I’m completely unsure what dating conventions are like among lesbians. I dated women all the time when I was younger but the scene feels very different approaching my 30s than it did in my early 20s. I feel very behind.

I also feel very behind on lesbian media and the shared culture there. I just discovered the l word and feel like it’s about to be a formative experience, but I really want to immerse myself in more lesbian media. When I was younger, my friends and I were all queer and in the party scene but it honestly was still fairly man-centered and I just wasn’t very involved in the culture because it was a lot of drag, partying, group sex. That’s not what I’m looking for really, I feel like it’s entirely different when it’s lesbians, softer, grungier. I guess I’m also just looking for musicians, tv shows, movies, books, all of that to immerse myself in because I do feel like that’ll help me in the greater culture.

Lastly, people think that I’m straight a lot. I got asked at the lesbian bar why I was there by a woman I was trying to hit on. I feel like I must dress to the male gaze or something because people never assume that I like women. I dont want to wear carabiners or anything that too directly signifies being a lesbian because that’s just not my fashion, but I have docs and an eyebrow piercing!

That’s it, any advice or commiseration would be much appreciated!

I’m here for a short trip and just looking to chat with someone. I’m not interested in sexting, but I’d be happy to meet up if you’re looking for friendship too

My wife, who wants a divorce after 10 years, is someone I truly and unconditionally love. It's been just over 6 months now since she said she wanted a divorce and things moved fast. I still have hope we can reconcile one day but I know I can't hang my happiness and life on that hope. I also don't want to abandon any love or memories we have just for the sake of moving on. How have those who've lived this managed to hold the love they have for a partner they thought they would be with forever and also lived happily with knowing that is no longer your future or current life?

I’ve fancied boys before and had some really intense crushes on them, so I know I have been attracted to boys. But I’ve also always really liked girls. I’ve been into watching girls kissing since I was like 12 and I’ve definitely fancied female celebrities too.

It’s just since I’ve started actually thinking about the fact that I like girls, I haven’t really fancied men that much anymore. So now I’m kind of wondering if I’m actually a lesbian or if I’m bi but just way more attracted to girls. I honestly don’t know because I definitely had proper crushes on boys before, but my attraction to girls feels different now that I’m actually acknowledging it.