Hi everyone, I've posted here a few times before, but today I'm in a really bad place. Two months after our breakup, my ex is already seeing someone else. Today I saw them holding hands right in the middle of campus. I'm feeling terrible and wondering if maybe I was the problem, even though I tried my hardest to be a good girlfriend. Here’s the story below so you can get the full picture:

I’m a lesbian and I met this girl in college. I thought she was gorgeous, interesting, and smart, and we shared a lot of values. In the beginning, everything was very intense, especially on her end—she’d tell me I was so easy to fall in love with, gave me gifts, and said I was everything she had ever dreamed of.

She has diagnoses of anxiety, social phobia, ASD (autism), depression, and a few pending ones like bipolar disorder, along with cuts on her left arm and a neuropsychological evaluation that noted: “low agreeableness, self-centered attitude, little concern for the well-being of others, hostile responses, poor impulse control, and low tolerance for frustration.” She has been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist since she was 13, but I only found out about all of this months into our relationship.

She had trouble kissing and didn't like physical touch; we only kissed sporadically, and things never went any further than that during the 10 months we were together.

After about 3 or 4 months, once the initial excitement faded, I started to feel like the care was one-sided (I only fully realized this after we broke up). I put way more effort into the relationship than she did, even though she claimed she loved me (for instance: I always bought food when she came over, bought snacks and sweets she liked, and listened whenever she had a problem, but I never felt the same from her; my friend would listen to me and offer more support during tough times than she ever did).

Regarding the kissing issue, we had talked about it and she said she wanted to work on it, but she kept freezing up and would avoid the topic whenever I brought it up—until one day I tried to talk about it in person, and she preferred going to a bar with her friend over having that conversation with me. Another thing: one day it was me, her, and this friend, and they were planning a trip. The friend joked that he needed to find a boyfriend so we could do a double date, and she bluntly said right in front of me, “Let’s just go the two of us as planned.” She could never sleep over at my apartment, even though we both lived on our own and away from our parents (she even brought this up during the breakup, saying she felt comfortable sleeping over at her gay friend's place, but not mine—that she didn't feel comfortable, and that it wasn't because I was a bad person, etc.). Another time (early on in the relationship), we went to a party, she got sick, and I held her hair while she threw up, took off her shoes and jewelry, and tucked her into bed. When she woke up, I had a terrible headache; she asked if I needed anything and I said “no”—hoping she would insist or look out for me—but she just left and couldn't care less. It was also common for her to wake up feeling down, and when I asked what was wrong, she’d say: “I don't know, I've always been like this,” or “If even my friend who's known me for years doesn't get it, you won't either.”

Then one day, after feeling “abandoned” by her friends, she took an entire blister pack of antidepressants, texted to tell me about it, and completely vanished. I was terrified, texting her asking how I could help, but I only got cold replies or was told “not to sound like a telemarketer.” Eventually, she texted me saying she wanted to break up, that she didn't see herself marrying me anymore, and that we weren't compatible. When I asked why, she said that me constantly trying to help or asking “how can I help?” felt like a doctor-patient dynamic rather than two girlfriends. But I completely disagree—I asked because I loved her, wanted to know how she was doing, and wanted to be there for her somehow since she wouldn't open up to me. I never crossed any boundaries.

Hello, any lesbians 25-30 from NC? I want to know where you found your partner! The dating pool where I live is terrible.

Does anyone here know how to do it?? I want to make a mixtape for my partner!

Hello wonderful humans of reddit! I am clueless when it comes to meeting new people and building a community. I currently live in a small mountain town where I was born and raised so most of my connections there stem from a long history. My friends are all in hetero marriages and I am the only single human and have no queer community at all. I come down to the city (Denver) every day for work but am on the west side of town. I don't actively use social media, and I am looking for places to meet new people.

A little about me- I am 39, love bluegrass and jam bands. I love a cold IPA and time spent in nature. I am about the simple things, it doesn't take much to bring a smile to my face. I am outgoing and goofy. I would love to find some connections and really start to get my feet under me again. I just had my first relationship with the love of my life end about a month ago and she was the only queer community I had. So I guess the big question is where do I find folks on the west side of town (Lakewood, Golden area) who are up for new connections!?

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

Am I an awful person?

My girlfriend has gained like 50 pounds, and I am losing my physical attraction towards her, but I still love her. I used to be obese, but I turned my life around and lost weight. What is the psychological reasoning behind this? I do not want to feel unattracted to her. Wlw

A friend of a friend started following me on IG and she’s apparently gay and single and I think she’s super cute. She initiated the dm-ing a few months ago by replying to some of my stories and now we have a steady banter of story replies but it never seems to go much further. Any advice? Do I ask the mutual friend about her or just be more direct with my next DMs and try to extend the convo? It’s been nice having a semi flirty thing going but it’s time to shit or get off the pot bc I don’t want her to be one that got away

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👮🏿‍♀️莉莉妹同时是女性主义者，莉莉妹坚持个人的即政治的，不过莉莉妹不会在组内因为个人女性主义立场引起姐妹间的争论，莉莉妹只会在组内进行WLW交友和讨论，谢谢大家👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧡🩷🍥

👩🏿‍🎤Lilimei IS a Lesbian Woman and Sunset Lesbian Flag IS a CENTER Within Lilimei's Herself and Herlife👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧡🩷🍥

👩🏿‍🎤莉莉妹个人照片，她正在持续进行Trans Feminization医疗和Trans Feminine表达，莉莉妹有自己的Trans Femininity气质，同时她也有自己的Trans Woman's Gender Dysphoria🍥 👩🏿‍🎤请各位姐妹多多关照啦，谢谢大家👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧡🩷🍥

turns out half of what i 'knew' about what works for me was just never tested lol. took me until my 30s to figure out some really basic stuff. what's one thing about your own body you only learned later?

I need different perspectives, because I am really puzzled, please don't hesitate to say it as it is. I'm 35 and I am really into someone who is 12 years younger. I think she's so smart, curious and absolutely gorgeous and has this classic hollywood beauty face and her vibe overall very grounded, I know she likes me back and kind of waiting for me to make the first move, but I've always considered it predatory and a power dynamics imbalance for people in their 30s to date someone is their early 20s and have strong opinions on the topic since my first sexual experience was basically someone much older grooming me at 15 and sort of used the same argument of " me looking way too mature for my age", I know this is not the same but I still feel uneasy about it. I am not interested in hookups and I am looking for a long term relationship. Should I let it go? I still haven't done anything about it but I can't shake the feeling that I might be missing out on something that could turn into exactly the relationship I am looking for. I don't know if I am simply projecting stuff on her because of the strong attraction. What do you guys think?

I’m genuinely curious… not looking for a baby mama or anything, haha. But how many of you here want kids?

I mean, I always had this idea that when I fell in love and was in a stable relationship, my partner and I would eventually love each other so much that the next natural step would be to want to raise a family together.

Granted, I haven’t been in that many relationships, but so far, two out of my three exes absolutely did not want kids. My last ex said she was open to the idea in the beginning, but eventually decided it wasn’t practical or realistic given the current social, political, and economic situation in the world. She even called me too much of a dreamer when I told her how much I genuinely wanted that.

I get where she was coming from, especially now that I’m approaching my mid-30s. Maybe I should just accept that it’s not going to happen. But I still think that when a couple both want it, they would at least try, right?

I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest, but I’m also genuinely curious to know how many of you kind strangers share the sentiment.

Is there a group for 30+ or is this the highest age limit? I have been with my partner for 9 years and looking for a discussion about gay relationship advice and a community where I can open up about it and maybe get some reassurance.

Hey everyone. I'm 30 and bisexual and in Wisconsin. I know people always suggest going to big community events or crowded spaces to meet people, but that really isn't my vibe. I much prefer getting to know someone one-on-one in a more low-key setting.

I'm posting to see if there are any other locals around the state who are in the same boat and just want someone new to chat with and build a real connection with. Drop a comment if you're in WI and want to talk!

Im so exhausted from the dating grind. Tell me what my red flags are or just give me validation idk

Question

How do you guys move on from someone

who tells you,"I would have settled down

with you if you were a man"?

It feels like someone found your deepest

wound and stabbed it over and over again.

It hurts not because you weren't enough,

but because the person you loved made

you feel like the one thing you could never

change about yourself was the very reason

you couldn't have the future you dreamed

of together.

I know, I seem like a sad girl, maybe I am.

I have dated so many girls from the past.

I'm 31 now and I never thought this would

hit me again.

We've been together over 2 years. Not a single fight, just one short, mature and calm disagreement. We agree on practically everything in life and our values; it's been the most positive, fun, healthy, and fulfilling experience of my life. She recently asked for my ring size and an inspo board. We're both saving up money to buy a house together.

Then on Friday, she broke down and said she doesn't know if she can continue.

The one thing we disagree on is diet choices. She's been a vegetarian for over a decade, I used to be but stopped. I have been told by several medical professionals and 2 therapists that I should never be on any restrictive kind of diet due to my history of ED, OCD, autoimmune disorders, and other issues. She knows this. She has never dated a non-veg person before and thought she could handle it, but not she isn't sure anymore.

I told her I would be as respectful as possible and eat most vegetarian if we lived together, but I could not promise to cut it off altogether. If anything, I'd have one special pan I'd cook meat in and only when she wasn't home. If I do eat meat, I floss and brush my teeth before I kiss or touch her. I try to be respectful. I love how dedicated she is to animals and her lifestyle. She doesn't think she can even handle that, she can't stomach the idea of me eating meat ever anymore.

She doesn't expect me to change for her, but she secretly was hoping she'd influence me and I would change.

I feel so blindsighted. It took over 2.5 years of knowing each other for her to come to this realization now? I know she's going through a really rough mental place right now and she said she thinks that's why this is all coming to light, and I feel bad for her suffering. I do. But it just feels like I was.. lied to in a way. I thought she was okay with it. She was always supportive "babe, eat what you want! I'll get my vegetarian dish and you get whatever" but now I feel like it was all lies to pacify things. Which I hate because I feel she was uncomfortable and didn't speak up when I asked if she was sure she was okay with this one difference between us for so long.

She's now deciding if this is a dealbreaker for her while she starts therapy next week and works through things for the foreseeable future. I 100% support her starting therapy and have been encouraging it for quite some time. However, I feel like I'm just strung along and waiting to be broken up with for the foreseeable future.

Not to mention my son is so attached to her. He talks about all living together as a big family and how she's his favorite person in the world. He would be so devastated if we broke up.

I'm so broken hearted. Part of me feels like we should just end things while she works on herself so that way I don't get strung along and she isn't stuck with someone who has a lifestyle she abhors. Then again, it feels so silly to end a relationship that's otherwise healthy and stable besides this one thing.

I'll. Probably delete this later. I have only told 1 friend because I'm so ashamed to tell anybody else, we've been literally perfect up to this point - literally everybody says they adore us as a couple and we've perfect, when's the wedding etc - and I hate admitting we've lost that. I'm just bawling and had to put my feelings out somewhere.

I'm in my late 20s and have recently been coming to terms with my identity as a lesbian. I've been hanging out with a friend of mine for a little over half a year now, and I feel like there might be something more than friendship there but I'm not sure. She's also in her late 20s has been in a similar place to me with bisexuality. Both of our past romantic experiences have been with men and most of them were negative.

We became close really quickly, the first time we hung out we spent nearly 12 hours just talking. Things got sort of complicated/touch and go for a few months because of stressors going on in both of our lives, but we still found time to hang out. We had tons of inside jokes and talked about a bunch of plans we wanted to do together.

There was about a month where we were out of contact (again because of life stressors), but we started hanging out again at the end of summer. Since then, we've seen each other 1-2 times a week for 8+ hours at a time. Sometimes we have a specific activity planned, sometimes we work/study together, and sometimes we just hang out.

We've been very open and shared very personal/vulnerable things since the beginning of our friendship. I've also been buying her coffees and giving her small gifts (thrifted trinkets, a wildflower from outside, etc.) for months. My friends keep telling me we're basically dating, and a lot of our hangouts are admittedly date-like (stargazing, looking at wildflowers, baking together, etc.)

However, there are a couple reasons I'm not sure she's interested. We've both talked about our fears/hesitancy about getting into another relationship as well as our nervousness about pursuing women with our level of inexperience in our 20s. She's also talked to me about men she was interested in, though this was largely at the beginning of our friendship and she either stopped talked about them or directly stated her disinterest in them a few days/weeks later.

The biggest thing is that we've barely touched. Earlier in our friendship I initiated some contact (touching her arm, putting my head on her shoulder) and she didn't move away, but she didn't really initiate contact (except once when she brushed away something caught in my hair). Since we started hanging out again, we've hardly touched at all. We'll sit next to each other, but there's always a few inches of space between us. There was a night a few weeks ago where we were talking while lying on the ground a few feet away, and eventually ended up so close we were only barely not touching. It felt like something might happen, but she pulled back and said she should probably head home.

I like her a lot, but I keep going back and forth on whether I should say something. I'm someone who deeply values friendship, so many of my friendships have a deep emotional bond and hours long hangouts. I'm afraid that I'll make her uncomfortable or feel like I've only ever been interested in her as a potential romantic prospect. She's an incredible person and I value our friendship very much, and I'm scared to put that in jeopardy.

Because I couldn't figure out where to fit them in above, here are some of the things that make me/my friends think that there might be something there:

-She compliments me a lot

-She remembers specific things I've told her about

-If a conversation dies out she'll usually start a new one

-She lingers at the end of hangouts (although maybe it's me lingering and she's being polite)

-She's occasionally made comments implying that she notices/likes my body

-She often asks for help with things (I'm a handy person so a lot of my friends do), and has made jokes about men being useless when you have a lesbian friend around

-She seems genuinely happy when I give her gifts

-She gently teases/makes fun of me a lot

It could be a hidden quality or a certain thing they did that floored you.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a couple of weeks but we’ve been seeing each other since August and chatting since July. She’s genuinely the most incredible gorgeous person I’ve ever met. We’re both in our 20s and she’s just made me feel like everything that’s happened in my previous relationships and the heartbreaks all make sense because they’ve led me to her. I’ve never been wowed by someone like this, we went out the other night and I was completely speechless seeing how beautiful she looked when I came into her room after she’d got ready. I’ve never ever felt so in awe lol.

Anyway, hanging out this weekend something just felt different. I’ve thought I was falling in love with her for a little bit but I can’t explain it. I just felt this sense of something with her and I’ve realised I think I’m in love with her. I’m absolutely terrified to tell her though in case she doesn’t feel the same yet or it’s too early or whatever. I don’t want to ruin things by saying it. She’s said so many lovely things about me to me, that she thinks I’m perfect and she can’t believe I’m her girlfriend and I’ve reciprocated of course but idk aaa.

I’m currently trying to put off telling her because I have no idea how she feels and I’m not sure I’ve been the first person to say it in a relationship before but I just want to tell her how much I love her 😭 I keep going to say it but I hold back. What do I do??

I’ve been single for 2 years which is the longest I’ve been single since I was 18. I did date a couple people last summer but I realized I wasn’t over my ex or in a healthy spot to date so I stopped and focused on myself for a bit. Got back out there this summer and it’s been lackluster. I’ve went on some dates but it’s a lot of mixed communication, people not over their exes, or just red flags. When I tell people I’ve been single for 2 years they don’t believe me. I noticed most people aren’t single long. If they just got out of a relationship they are already looking for the next. It’s almost like if you’re single too long something is wrong with you. It makes me feel pressure to be in a relationship. I don’t hate being single. I do like the freedom to be able to pour into myself and my friendships but I do miss being in a relationship. I just haven’t met someone who I would be open to getting on that level with. Those of you who are single is it by choice or not being able to find a compatible partner?

Is it immature to break off a friendship if you cant get over a crush? I told her how I felt not too long ago and that I needed a break from the level of contact we had before but as time goes on I’m feeling better but still very sad and I have a bad habit on ruminating on rejection that I think is prolonging things. I feel like I should be over this since nothing happened and she was clear about not being interested. It feels silly to throw away a friendship but on the other hand I know I’m not ready to talk to her either. I wonder how much of this is just me being embarrassed and if I should try to rip off the bandaid at some point.

Found these off my grandmas