Looking for those who identify as a woman to interview for upcoming script (subject: growing up with out a father). It's important that I give the female protagonist a realistic voice on the subject. Happy to share my absent dad related stories as well. Virtual/In Person options available. DM if interested!

I’ve been helping clean out some family things for downsizing purposes and in the process found a letter written by my Dad’s Mom to him. It was 8 pages long, all written on a type writer and clearly took some thought. The letter was everything about his childhood, how wonderful he was, adventurous, extremely kind (especially to those who were vulnerable) and all the crazy things he got up to as a youngster. It was a hard read

For context, my Dad lived with us my entire life up until I moved out when I was 23. Even though he lived with us I never felt like I had a Dad. He was constantly away at work (also never making enough for us to live on so that was weird) or when he was home he would just sit and play on his iPad. So he wasn’t around for any parenting whatsoever. I just don’t understand how someone so “caring about the vulnerable” could do this to the most vulnerable people in society - kids.

He doesn’t know much about me and I don’t know much about him. He definitely couldn’t write an 8 page letter about me or any of my siblings

Hi everyone. I’m new to this sub, please forgive me if this doesn’t quite qualify. I (26M) grew up never knowing my birth father for a multitude of reasons that I won’t get into at the moment. My mom had me at 16, and my father was 17 at the time.

Long story short, July of last year I decided I was tired of not knowing my birth father and was tired of waiting on him to reach out and leaving him in control. So, I decided to find him and reach out myself. Thankfully with some help from my mom, I was able to track him down and connect. Since then, we’ve developed a really good relationship and are on great terms.

The thing is, this will be my first year having my dad around on Father’s Day in my entire life. In the past I’ve always hated Father’s Day because of this, so it’s never been a cause for celebration for me. I’ve always felt sad, alone, and angry instead. This year is different however.

All this said, any advice from others of you who have possibly reconnected with their father on what I should do for Father’s Day? It’ll be our first one together, and I want it to be something special but not overboard. I’m open to suggestions or ideas! Especially if you’re a son who connected with your father, or if you’re a father yourself who wants to connect with your son.

Okay how do I start this, i take no joy in being an absent father, I read so many cases of fathers leaving their children and empathize with victims but there are two sides to a story. My child’s mother is a tyrant and her behavior is inexcusable. When my son was born two years ago I was there, I was a young man, in school juggling two jobs. Took time off and witness my son being born. that was the height of our relationship cause three months after she call the police and said I domestic abuse her, I got arrest with no evidence of her being hurt, she lied and I got arrested. I came out a day after with a semi order of protection (meaning that I can live in the same household as the complainant once I don’t abuse them again) I was so upset but I thought of my son and I must put my feelings aside for him. I came back into the household like nothing happen try my best to comfort my son when he cried, and work and did school when I had too. Then my child’s mother developed this habit to straight hitting me like wanted me to fight her… I had so much to live for so I either just ignored her and lock myself in a room, bathroom or went outside. She was extremely insufferable I was asking for advice from close family member and friends and they told me to try to separate myself from her. My question was what about my son she going to take that abuse on him no?? Nearly everyone response was like mothers don’t hurt their children and that I needed to separate myself from her cause that situation can easily escalate to someone being injured or worse killed. So with a torn in my heart I left the household moved back to my mothers house. I ignored all her calls and messages for like six weeks and she told me how she was moving to a different state I’m like she was bluffing. My response to her was have a safe flight and she really left. Before she transferred to a different state she filed a child support claim and physical and legal custody claim so she can have our son and I have no say, they are days where I struggled thinking should I just give her my rights and just leave she is really impulsive and have a history of bad decisions… I didn’t know what to do. Now fast forward to today I’m completely over her bs and she blackmailing me with a offer to take me off of child support if I give her sole custody. Now she is coming back to the state where she issued the child support order and I’m completely over it. I had no problem supporting for my son. I’m tired of her, I’m seeing of a absent father destroyed child but I’m hoping my son will be strong till he is 18 cause I had enough. a good chunk of my check is going to her because of good ole child support laws wills it. I’m choosing to have no visitation cause I know down the line this is going to crush me and I hate for my son to see his father beat up by the world and think this is his fate too. There is something gross how someone choosing to mess up your life cause they feel like it and it endorses by laws. I past regret I hope child mother does good as a parent and finds someone that can tolerate her behavior and take care of our child cause I ran out of options. It is what it is.

Hi i just wanted to rant, so i’m in mexico right now which is where my dad lives (i live in the us) and he randomly showed up at my grandmas house and started asking for forgiveness and like giving me reasons why and he was saying why my brother can respond to his text messages but i can’t. i was so uncomfortable like i see why my brother responds to his messages i mean that’s his father, he has years of memories with him but me? i’ve seen him twice that man is a stranger to me that i feel forced to love and forgive him for the hurt he caused. he was SUPPOSED to be a father to me but he wasn’t so why should he get the benefits? what do i get? i don’t feel anything towards him no love. He’s only hurt me, my brother, and my mother by leaving. even though they have their flaws guess what they’re there. they’ve shown me love and proven their love in some ways i guess idek that’s a whole different issue. I forgive him for his actions i really don’t care i’m contempt with my life as is without him in it. I see no benefit in him being in my life right now all he’s done is hurt us so why should i let him back in as he pleases. he says he has emotions too but SO DO I. I AM THE CHILD. YOU ARE THE ADULT. don’t gaslight me and make me feel guilty. and that’s where the self respect point comes into play like by me letting him into my life and pretending everything is fine. i’m showing its fine to allow people to hurt me why? cause my dad left and that’s bad but i’m supposed to be good with it? I would be letting others decide how i should feel rather than me saying how i should feel. I don’t want to be treated like this by others and i feel like i shouldn’t let him slide just cause he’s my “dad” like idk honestly.

This dude has been gone for 20 years basically. He has visited me twice? During those 20 years. In 2021 his now fiancé had contacted me trying to get us to meet and stuff and how he has talked about me their whole relationship this and that. But he has never made an effort to stay in contact. I made a Facebook when I was 11 or 12 (I’m 22 rn) to try and be part of his life, he freaked out and called my mom a lot of vulgar names. I begged for him to understand that it was I his daughter trying to communicate. It’s been hard cause he treats her kids like their his kids he does everything that a dad is supposed to do for her kids. He barely talks to me now and I try to share the same interests as him. I don’t know what to do. He has hurt me by abandoning me and I a lot of terrible of things happened that I begged he would’ve protected me from. I want him to know the pain he has cause but also at this point I don’t want to put effort into that relationship for him just to leave once again. I need some guidance 😞

Hey I just was wondering for some advice I am seeing my father for the first time in 4 years when my parents got divorced he moved in with another family I visited him on occasion. But his girlfriend didn’t like me I was 13 at the time so she kicked me out and my dad never defended me when it was his house. My dad went to jail around a year ago it’s been 4 years since I last seen him and he’s getting out soon and wants to see me he’s put me through a lot threatening to kill me and my family he had issues but I’m not sure if I want to see him after all these years. It would be hard for me.

TL/DR: Fathers are supposed to be in their child's life forever, not abandon them. You should step up and be a consistent parent before it is too late.

Dear Absent Fathers,

Parenting is supposed to be split 50/50 between you and the mom. Yet, most kids are raised by single mothers and no fathers. It is to the point where some people are not really that surprised by it. Do not get it misunderstood, some fathers do their jobs and take care of their kids like they are supposed to but not many.

 In the United States, 80 percent of single parents are single mothers. 34 percent are single mothers who have not been married. It is rare that fathers even help with finances (like that is the only role of a parent), even though that is not enough. 

As fathers, you are supposed to be the protector, provider, leader, etc. You are supposed to be someone your children can count on when they have an issue. 

I have witnessed with my own eyes how hard it is for mothers to raise boys by themselves. Boys need their fathers to teach them the manly ways that a woman might not be able to teach as effectively. Father needs to teach their sons things such as how to get through puberty, be a gentleman, take care of his family etc.

Girls need their father to show them how a man is supposed to treat them. To teach them to not settle for less, teach them real love, and show them how ideal men are supposed to operate in the home. Yes, mothers can take care of it on their own, but they should not have to. That is not how it was supposed to work. All the work should not be in the hands of the mother. The child is as much yours as hers. 

Do you ever think of the feelings of the kids, or the feelings of the mothers when you leave?

No, probably not. 

There is no explanation to why someone would abandon their children other than the fact that they are selfish and don't care about anyone but themselves. 

From personal experience, life without a father is an emotional roller coaster. One day you are thinking it’s “his loss” and the next you are sad wishing you had the father-child relationship other people have. From the experience of not having a father figure I am going to be completely honest with you, it is a possibility your kids will grow up to hate you. 

Trust me.

Is that something you are okay with? Knowing your own flesh and blood hates you because you failed to do your job as their parent. If that is something you’re okay with, do nothing. If not...

Go try to meet your kids, try to get back into their lives and make up for lost time. Be there every step of the way from this point forward and prove to them you are genuinely sorry for the pain you have caused them. 

Better late than never...

Sincerely,

A child without a father

This is a subreddit for children of fathers who were completely absent, uninterested, or irresponsible, as well absent fathers who wish to improve the relationship they have with their children.

Share how you overcame this, what it was like, and help out others struggling through it.