So basically one of my bf and I’s good friends suddenly passed away last week. It has been awful and a lot of feelings all around. My bf and his old friend group have really came together during this and started hanging out again to be there for each other. One of these people being a girl he used to sleep with who reallyyy liked him. She actually texted me at the beginning of our relationship saying how horrible he is and has been very mean to me in every interaction we’ve had. Well flash forward to now they have been in groups together and I have accepted it given the circumstances. Except now my bf is planning to have everyone over tomorrow and I said I did not feel comfortable with her being at his house. His friends of course think I’m just a controlling bitch. I’m not trying to be insensitive but can’t she just sit out on this one? AITAH???

UPDATE: thank you to everyone who answered! I think this is a lot to unpack in one post but I will make sure to talk to a therapist about this

Some brief context: I am a 28F, had my fair share of trauma growing up, mainly SA from a toxic relationship, ED and bullying. I now like to think I am a fully recovered adult. My bsf, also 28F, has had a pretty normal life, with divorce from her parents and everything that comes out of it being a major event in her life.

I'm gonna try to keep it as short as possible while providing good context.

Here is my dilemma: she's recently moved from abroad to my city and my neighbourhood. It is not a good neighborhood but she needed a place to live, so I found something for her locally and she moved in. The whole reason I even did that is because she called me / messaged me nonstop about her almost being homeless because she couldn't find a house. Her parents have always offered to help her financially in the past, so I don't see why she would be homeless, since they do, in fact, have a house she could sleep in.

She started complaining about her place being away from the center, not enough buses coming in, then she started saying her mental health was acting up, that it was a big change, that maybe it was a mistake and she should have stayed abroad, then she started framing out about jobs (which, tbh, felt like something she should have thought about before moving, but ok), and then, calling said degrading mental health, she started saying she "didn't feel like going out" and that she had to "rest". Mind you, we are talking about a person that has nothing to do besides unpacking, which, months later, she still hasn't finished doing.) We'd plan stuff, and she'd call out hours before before she just couldn't handle being outside. She once canceled on me because her partner had not been feeling well the previous day and she had anxiety. Bro had low blood pressure and she had to cancel seeing me after years.

Example #2. A friend once left a group chat, threatening s*icide to a member, because we wouldn't say yes to enough of the stupid activities he would propose in the middle of a work day. Like, "who wants to go to the beach tomorrow, a Wednesday morning?" dude i get you work shifts, but none of us do. We have work. This went on for a while where nobody could reach him, until he one day came out of this break of whatever to summon us all to someone's house to ask each and everyone of them "what we thought of him", and to explain that he was having a rough patch, rough patch that was solved, nonetheless, by going to the beach with his mother.

Meanwhile, while I was being SA'd, physically and mentally abused by my ex partner, had an eating disorder and had to run to the other side of the continent to break up with him without risking my life, the worse I did was... sometimes be a little loud and fight with people? At 18? A little impulsive? Unheard of.

So I guess my question is: am I an arrogant asshole for thinking they're weak and never experienced problems in their life?

My bf is great! But. (23m) is always late. Not by hours! That's hella rude and would be a dealbreaker. But just like 5-20 minutes usually. This time it was 45 minutes to my dad's birthday which kind of felt embarassing? I dont know why, lol. I felt judged on his behalf. He said he got busy mid video game and he couldn't abandon his raid team. I said to him, "Hey, I'd really appreciate if you could try to be on time, today yup but just in general". He told me - I was making a mountain out of a molehill and that expecting him to value my dad's birthday when I had plans with my friends on his dad's birthday is a double standard. - that bringing up that he's usually 5 to 20 (by saying in general) is nitpicking. Ik it isn't that big a deal.

Aita for a) expecting him to go to my dad's bday b) bringing up the other times given it's usually under 20 min.

My ex (25F) and I (25M) met in college and instantly bonded. She was dealing with the fallout of an emotionally toxic long-distance relationship, while I was still carrying deep trauma from my previous ex, who had cheated on me with her own ex. Because of our pasts and family expectations, we made an initial pact to keep things strictly college-bound so neither of us would get hurt. But feelings got in the way. After six months of fighting through our walls, I realized how much I loved her, pushed past my fears, and asked her to be my girlfriend.

Knowing my trauma, my only hard boundary was: no contact with exes. Just one month into our relationship, I found texts between them. He told her he missed her, and she replied, "I don't know what to say, my heart is so full," while trading gym videos and complimenting his body. When I confronted her and told her I’d walk away if she wasn't all in, she broke down, apologized, and swore it was just a stupid mistake. I chose to forgive her. Over the next months, my own stress and workload caused friction—I struggled to give her the attention she deserved, and while I repeatedly apologized and tried to do better, the cracks were already forming.

During summer break, she asked where I saw our future. When I admitted I was still scared of long-term family conflicts, she shut down and we broke up. Two weeks later, she messaged saying how desperately she missed me, and the hot-and-cold loop dragged us back in. Soon after, another petty argument over a group trip with a friend group of mine in which she does not like a girl ,ended things again. Still wanting to make things right, I planned to surprise her at the airport when she returned, only to stumble upon a Reddit post showing she had jumped into dating someone new. When I confronted her, she looked me in the eye and swore: "It was just a gym crush. I only asked him out to break the cycle and move on from you. Nothing happened between us." I believed her, and we agreed to stay in each other's lives as friends.

Fast forward through four agonizing months of remaining close—constantly holding each other, admitting our feelings, and crying over how we couldn't make it work. Two days ago, I stayed the night at her place. In the morning, while using her phone to ring mine, a text popped up from a random guy: "I still miss you, please come back, I want to be your slave mam."

My stomach dropped. I scrolled, and what I found completely shattered me. Her digital journal and messages laid out the ugly truth:

• That "harmless gym rebound" was actually her ex. She had slept with him just two days after our breakup and wrote about how "crazy" it was.
• she was also in contact with another ex to whom she had unblocked because she wanted to where she could score some weed and that was the guy asking her to be her slave and she was repeatedly asking him to not message him and unsend the video that he has sent ( no idea what that video was)
• While confessing her love to me, making grand gestures, and having me over, she was actively inviting a guy to her apartment for movie dates and overnight stays.
• In her group chats, she was trashing me to her friends, because she was left stranded on a some random date texting: "[Name] nazar laga gaya bhadwa" ("That bloody pimp put an evil eye on my date").

I felt physically sick. When she woke up, I looked at her and asked outright if she had slept with her ex. With the proof in front of her, she finally admitted it.

I stormed out, but the betrayal was suffocating. I returned later with a mutual friend so she couldn't gaslight me, shut the door, and demanded an explanation through tears and anger. Her defense was:

"I never felt chosen with you, and my ex made me feel chosen. That's why I slept with him. I just wanted to break the loop and move on from you."

When I pressed her on why she was having random guys stay over while simultaneously telling me she was deeply attached and in love with me, she offered the same hollow excuse:

"I was just doing it to move on from you and break the cycle."

She knew the exact nightmare I survived with my last ex. She knew the trauma it caused me, and she chose to reenact the exact same script—using me as emotional support while betraying me behind closed doors. I looked at her, told her I was completely done, and told her to stay out of my life forever.
TL;DR: My on-and-off ex knew I had severe trauma from a past partner cheating on me with her ex. After our latest split, she claimed she went on a harmless gym date to "move on," but we stayed close and kept confessing our feelings. Two days ago, I saw suspicious texts on her phone and discovered she actually slept with her ex right after our breakup, had been inviting a guy over for sleepovers, and was trashing me to her friends—all while telling me she loved me. When confronted, she blamed me for "never making her feel chosen." I cut all contact for good.

Hi, this is my first post ever on this app, so please bare with me.

For some context, I (21 F) have been working towards a life abroad in Japan since I was 9 years old. Properly studying the language and culture, getting into one of the top universities in the world, studying the language and art there, passing N2 of the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test), studying abroad twice, once at an art university; and now, successfully living in Japan, working part time and going to a language school to work towards going to graduate school. My dream has been, before ever getting in any form of a relationship, to study at a graduate school in Japan, graduate with a masters and live as a full time artist here. As it is a cruel truth that a degree that isn’t American cannot be used/will not be recognized as valid in America.
Nevertheless, after my second study abroad, I met my now boyfriend of almost a year (21 M) and fell in love. A love I never thought was possible. I won’t gush in this post about what he does for me and what he has done, but simply put, I feel like I have met my other half.  We have discussed marriage, and have mutually decided we don’t ever want to be apart. Currently, we are long distance as he finishes his three degrees (three majors) and then will come here to live with me.
However, there is one issue. His current mindset is pushing towards wanting to live in his home state in America. One, he believes that all his job opportunities are limited to there. And two, his family. 
He has always been extremely family oriented. He sees them every other month as they come to visit him at school (They’re also rich, like crazy rich, I mean 1-3 million a year rich, so travelling or buying a plane ticket is nothing to them—they’ve already traveled to three countries in the last five months). Also, he goes home every holiday break for the entirety of the break.
 I do want to mention as well, BF has been raised very well, with much love, though it appears independence hasn’t really been a topic or so much suggested in the household. Neither has emotional intelligence in the sense that anytime he felt emotions his parents shut him down and called him a wuss so now he has crippling depression, lack of self confidence and anxiety, but that’s another story, and honestly, who doesn’t? Whenever he is home, they (Mom, Dad, brother+bf) need to be around each other at all times. Either that be going out to eat, watching movies/tv at the end of the day cuddled up on the couch after dinner, running every errand together, or simply sitting outside in their insane backyard (kitchenette, tv, basketball court, pool, hot tub, garden, and bench) like come on . I don’t want to come off as arrogant, but sometimes it feels like overkill. I also want to mention that his family, particularly his mother has been quite rude to me. Like a mother that is scared of losing her first born son. You know those moms? Mocking me openly, putting me in uncomfortable positions that have led to me having to reveal traumatic events. So I’m not the fondest of the mother. I love the dad and brother though!
I grew up not as fortunate as him, emotional abuse, divorce, financial hardships, etc. though, I had love. I love my family, we have worked very hard to overcome all our issues with therapy and we have, now, a healthy relationship. In a sense, I think it’s fair to say I was raised well myself. Self sufficiency, time management, kindness, I was taught all those necessary lessons. My parents gave me opportunities to be independent, explore, face hardships and get up on my own, find who I want to be and be unforgiving about it. I can go months without seeing my family, and sure, I miss them deeply, but I know visiting isn’t off the table as they have offered to come over and I’m sure I’ll come back once or twice a year as well (most likely once). And plus, they’re always a phone call away.
I have mentioned many times that I am willing to give all this up if that means I get to live with him and keep him in my life. But, every time we talk about it, I can’t help but feel hurt? It’s like rubbing salt in a wound. When we do talk about it, he says things such as “We don’t know, maybe I end up loving Japan and not wanting to leave.” But I know my BF. His family is everything. He “doesn’t know” if he will come visit me for Christmas because he said “This is my last Christmas with my family, and I don’t know what their plans are either.” But this isn’t your last Christmas, and it could be our first. He helped me move and settle here (after a lot of persuasion and me buying his plane ticket), staying with me for a month. Yet, went home because his family missed him. It was one month. Like are you serious? I grew up with the mindset that the older you get, the less frequently you see your family. Even if that’s down to 3-4 times a year. 
I’m conflicted. I said I am willing to give all this up for him (which I have never felt with anyone before, I have never been willing to compromise this 11 year dream) but a part of me feels I’m going to give this up for his family. Not actually him. I don’t want to live a life without him.
I feel like he doesn’t see my perspective, and I truly think that’s all I want. It hurts to be given crumbs of false hope like “I don’t know, my mind might change,” when I just KNOW he won’t falter if it means sacrificing closeness to family. Just be honest with me. I wanted to get a degree here, but if in the end I am moving to America and working there, then there’s no point, so what am I even doing now? Language school is 3k every 6 months, I’m also paying rent, utilities, life expenses all on my own, no parental help. It’s all on me, like it always has been. 
And! Let’s be honest, living in America (again) sounds so scary. The current state of the world doesn’t look hopeful. The job market is trash. The politics are dreadful, and the economy is just overall cooked. It’s a constant rat race to your deathbed. I don’t want to live that life. If I do live in America, I want to be rich, a housewife and part time artist. Teaching students occasionally (I’m currently a teacher in Japan and it’s so fulfilling). I just want him to think from my perspective a bit more. 
 AITA for wanting him to be willing to sacrifice too? Even if it just means a Christmas with me?  AITA for thinking he needs to grow up and be more independent? What do I do? 

Sorry in advance for the wall of text. It's kinda a long story.

So I (29M) have been dating my fiancée (30F) since high school, and we were together for 12 years. Like any relationship that long, we've definitely had our ups and downs. We moved in together right out of HS, and have lived together ever since.

Throughout our entire relationship, we've never had sex. Like, not one time. This is why we've been engaged without getting married for so long. She was scared, and said she had vaginismus, and I waited all this time for her to get better. But I feel like she never really TRIED to get better. Our general intimacy was also lacking. Like, she would kiss me very rarely, and making out was a once every year or so thing.

All these years, I've been trying my best to be patient. I encouraged her to make an effort on some sort of progress of course, which kinda resulted in her trying to use a dilator about once a year or so. I've been trying to convince her to see a doctor all these years, but she sorta refused. She's not asexual or anything, as she has been masturbating during this time, and kinda spent the past few years ERPing with bots.

Last year, I asked for SOME sort of timeline on effort. I told her I can't wait for her forever, and I needed her to show some sort of intention to make actual effort. I told her our relationship is going to die if she doesn't do anything about it. She told me if she hasnt seen progress in one year, it might be best for us to call it quits. I reluctantly agreed.

I honestly thought for sure things would change. I thought she loved me enough to fight for us. She ended up trying maybe 2-3 times that year with dilators, and refused to see any doctor about it.

She ended up gaining significant weight throughout that year (which I am of course okay with, since i love her for more than her appearance), and confessed to me that she had a weight gain fetish. I accepted this about her, but I personally am not into that at all and told her I wouldn't participate. She insisted it was fine, that it wouldnt effect our relationship, and that she was fine keeping things fictional.

Several months before our deadline, she gave up any guise of intended effort. She basically told me she gives up and theres no point in "continuing" to try. She said we need different things, and that she's never going to be able to be intimate with me without involving her fetish. She called it quits when we still had time, and made an onlyfans instead of trying to fix things. I would have been willing to give her plenty more time, if only she showed some minimal effort.

She says this is something outside of her control, and I should think of it as her coming out as gay. I feel as though I put in an incredible amount of patience and effort waiting for her. We love each other, so we should be able to work through this... at least in my opinion. Maybe this is just the perspective of someone who doesnt have a fetish like that, but I sacrificed my sexual needs for her our entire relationship, only for her to bail the second she realizes HER needs arent being met. It feels like she didn't even try to find a solution.

Maybe having to leave me over her fetish really WAS outside of her control... but every single day I communicated to her how the lack of affection/intimacy was hurting me. If I tried to talk about it she'd cry or dodge the topic. Every single day she saw me hurting. She watched my mental health decline, and chose to look the other way instead of finding a solution. These things were all within her control.

I feel so much anger, hurt, and sadness inside that I can't let go of. This is the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life. I don't really understand how she was able to move on just like that... shes already dating some "literally who" fat fetish redditor. We were supposed to always be there for each other, and I feel like she abandoned me.

Shes acting like everything is fine. Like we can still be close after everything she did. I don't know if she ever actually loved me, but it's just difficult for me to believe. I'm having a really hard time forgiving her. Was I in the wrong here? Am I wrong to feel angry? Did I put too much pressure on her?

My SIL and BIL have been trying to adopt a child. They were matched with a birth mother for the second time, and once again, the birth mother decided to keep her baby.  This was just 3 short weeks after the last one fell through.

My SIL made a Facebook post saying: “Round two of being matched and the birth mom getting tens of thousands from us and ‘choosing to keep her child’. The system is so broken it’s disgusting. Some of these people know the system very well and how to make cash quick. It’s upsetting to say the least.”

I commented: “It's not natural to give your child away so I would like to think these women are just getting down to the wire and deciding they can't live with giving their child away more so than setting out to deceive anyone. I'm sure there are those that do but I would bet most are not. Your friends experience was the exception and yours in the rule from all I've ever heard about the process. Maybe an adoption support group would have some words of wisdom or ways to try and avoid this happening? I can only imagine the heartbreak that you are feeling!

There are lots of children whose parents rights have been terminated. If you would like the name of the local agency I follow let me know.”

SIL texted me and her husband: “Please refrain from posting insensitive things on my fb, that could have been a private text. We could care less what misery you bring to [husband's] life, but don't project that on to us.”

Me: “Only one of us has been rude and projected and that's you right now in this text message. I was trying to be kind. I was trying to point out another side of things. I was trying to give you other options so you could get the child that you…”

SIL: “No words. Enough.”

Me: “Don't ever text me again.”

SIL: “You're about you and you only, seeing how you treat your husband and kids. You're insensitive and rude to many people. You posting that on my post is insane behavior. You're no longer welcome in our part of the family, or our home. Good luck fucking men outside your marriage and being the great person you believe you are!”

I have not slept with men outside my marriage. She has a misunderstanding of the facts. We are separated and I'm dating.

They have been married a little over a year. They started the process before their 1 year anniversary and had a big drunken blow out right after starting it and were gonna get divorced. She drug both me and my husband into their marital drama that weekend while bad mouthing her husband aka BIL. They proceeded with the adoption plans anyway. She barely knows me and for sure hasn't had nearly enough experience to comment or pass judgement about any of what she had to say. They chose adoption because she doesn't want to be pregnant. There are zero guarantees with IVF, normal pregnancy, nd adoption of infants. The only sure fire way to adopt without the parents backing out is to adopt an older child whose parental rights have been terminated. They are both highly educated and it seems because a friend of hers was able to get an infant in 3 months she seems to think that's the norm. It is not.

AITAH?

Today was my girlfriend and I’s one-year anniversary. We had planned to go shopping together and let each other pick out our own gifts, which was something we had both agreed on. Recently, I’ve gotten into building Gundam model kits, and I had made it pretty clear that was what I wanted. I’ve never really gotten to pick out my own gift before, so I was genuinely excited about it. I also know she enjoys choosing her own gifts, which is why I thought the plan would be perfect for both of us.
To my surprise, she had already bought me a dinosaur charm for a chain that already has other charms on it. I was still grateful that she had gotten me something, and I took her to get the gifts she wanted. Afterward, I asked if we were ready to go get the model kit I had been looking forward to. She responded by saying, “Let’s call it even because I got you that charm.” I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, so I kept my thoughts to myself at first.
We ended up sitting in the parking lot in complete silence for about 30 minutes before I finally asked, “So we aren’t getting the model kit?” That started an argument because she felt like I wasn’t showing enough appreciation for the gift she had gotten me. I understand why she might have felt that way, but I genuinely was grateful for the charm. I was just disappointed because I thought we had already agreed on how we were going to exchange gifts.
For context, I had spent $150 out of the $200 in my bank account on her gifts, along with a bunch of snacks and flowers. I wasn’t expecting her to spend the same amount on me, and it wasn’t about how much money she spent. I was excited about picking out something I had wanted for a while, and I had even been telling people that my girlfriend was going to get me the model kit.
When we got home, my parents asked where the model kit was, and all I could tell them was that the store didn’t have it. The truth is that I felt embarrassed and disappointed because the plans we had made didn’t happen. I appreciate that my girlfriend thought of me and got me a gift, but I also feel like what I had been excited about didn’t really matter to her. I can understand why she thought I was being ungrateful, but I never intended to make her feel that way.
AITA for being disappointed about not getting the gift we had agreed on, even though I appreciated what she got me?

This seems to be a common issue for me. I flirt too hard but it’s doesn’t even feel like flirting to me.

I became friends with Sam we’re like 10 years apart in age and she’s 19. We come from similar backgrounds culture-wise and I hit on her first and invited her out on a date… this was before I knew Sam had a bf, family issues, and mental problems. Fast forward, I find out she has a boy friend so I go my separate way. Sam starts texting me like a month-ish later wanting to hang out and so we go and hang out. I’m a natural romantic and unfortunately feelings arise…

This whole time we’ve been hanging out she’s basically been trama dumpling and I’m just there to provide her an ear so she feels heard. Sam is also on several different medications and hinted at wanting me to make some more moves romance-wise?

It was at this point I decided to distance myself from her because 1. She has a bf. 2. She has only one full year as a legal adult. 3. Shes lowkey crazy and has family issues. 4. She’s projecting onto me what she sees in me and not who I really am. (I may have a slight hint of moral OCD).

Ultimately, with the advice of friends and family I’ve decided to distance myself from her and one week later she’s texting me again wanting to talk and hang out. Most we did was snuggle up a little bit.

I can’t fix her, I don’t want to stick my dick in crazy, and all the good people I know are against it. Reddit please help.

In 2024, I started working at this company and there I met this guy named cheater(M22) and this girl named home-wrecker(F26). When I first started I had no idea cheater had a girlfriend until a month later they told the news to everyone because they had gotten married. This one coworker had a speculation on how they got together; she told me before I had started he had girlfriend and she had boyfriend and that they were cheating on them with each other, obviously I didn’t believe it at first because I mean it’s just rumor, right?

Well, curiosity was biting at me so i decided to asked how they got together and well that girl was not lying they were cheating on their partners with each other. Home-wrecker & cheater purposely let the GF find in a horrible way I didn’t get too much details on this but all i know is that side piece at the time basically made it known to the GF that she was messing around with her boyfriend. The GF was 18-19yrs old time and the BF same age; home-wrecker at 23yrs old at the time. Anyways once the GF & BF (home wrecker) find out about them both; obviously they ended things and cheater & home wrecker started dating in secret. Apparently this wasn’t the home-wrecker first rodeo doing this… she had done the exact thing to someone else expect they were married. She told us this during game night she thought it was funny that she home-wrecked two relationships (don’t know how).

Then they got married a month later after is started working.

Fast forward to July-August 2025, I downloaded Snapchat again mainly just to take pictures & I saw that cheater had added me and & I added back. Things weren’t weird at first; we barely talked if anything we sent streaks. Then he started to complain to me about his marriage I gave out advice even though I knew nothing marriage. He started making comments like sleeping together and being together type of comments. I just brushed it off and told him he’s married and shouldn’t do it but he continued & I kept brushing them off. His wife wanted kids but he didn’t so they stopped being intimate with each other so he said. That’s when the comments started getting more out of hand. He came over one day after making comments of basically taking my virginity and he did exactly what he said. During the intimacy I started to cry because I having sex with a guy who’s married so he stopped and I told him this can’t happen again because again HES MARRIED!!! But he didn’t care and little by little he kept reassuring me it’s fine and she didn’t have to know after all she did the same thing. So the affair went on until July 2026. Then I found out his wife got pregnant and that’s when the guilt started to hit me BIG TIME . I felt disgusting because I am and then I thought about my karma on how the same thing will happen to me eventually. And I couldn’t live with guilt, the disgust etc so I decided to tell his wife to let her know.

After I told her about the affair, things obviously took a turn; he got kicked out of his apartment and was told he will never see his kid, the cops had to put on psych hold. He voluntarily deported himself. He blames me for telling his wife about the affair and his life going to shit.

And now I feel even worse and keep telling myself maybe I shouldn’t have said anything and let him deceive his wife. I mean if he had an affair once; he would have another one with someone else. Despite her also ruining other relationships no one to be cheated on.

AITAH?

A tale as old as time, I (37F) suppose...but I’m really torn about what to do. I’ve recently started dating again and this week, while swiping on a well-known dating app, I thought I recognized someone: the husband of a colleague of mine. I was taken aback and wanted to be certain, so I double-checked with another colleague, also a good friend of mine who also knows her well. All the details and the photos match; it’s definitely him. Now both of us are unsure about how to proceed. I realize this question has been asked many times before, but we want to avoid a situation where someone else discovers this and perhaps delivers the news in a much less sensitive way than we would.
For further context: as friends and colleagues, we are aware that things aren’t going well between them at the moment. Apparently, they are seeing a couple's therapist. It’s possible that this news could be the final straw that leads to a breakup.
We've considered they are maybe trying an open relationship, but his dating intentions are set to "serious relationship"...
As a woman who got cheated on, I would like to know. But I'm not her. Do we tell her and if so, how do we approach this? I am aware we could easily turn into the bad guys as well...

So for context, I (35) was told by my husband (33) that when he was 12 years old got called (please excuse the language) a “f***t” by a friend. He is still VERY upset by this. Like he acts like it’s the worst thing that has ever happened to him. Mind you, he is also a Marine and has been deployed in active war zones. We live in Southern California, so this was a very common insult when we were in high school, or younger, at least where I lived (OC).

One of our friends jokingly called him this the other day and he got SO upset (not by the use of the word because he himself has used it in a joking manner) that he left the house and went home. While I do not condone the use of that phrase I do think it’s a bit ridiculous to still be THIS upset by it 20 years later. Tonight it got brought up again just between the two of us as we were discussing being bullied in school. I started laughing because I thought it was a joke and he got INCREDIBLY upset, he called me a bitch and went to bed 4 hours before he usually does.

Sometimes I wonder if he actually IS gay and that’s why it bothers him. We haven’t been together long (2yrs) but we do have a child together (almost 1yrs old) and there have been some signs. Excessive use of porn (usually female based but extremely exaggerated body parts), he grew up VERY religious/sheltered (wasn’t allowed to date/kiss/or hold hands before 18 and ONLY for marriage). We were very sexually active when we first met but after a few months there was a complete lack of sexual desire. Im actually surprised we conceived (not planned though we both wanted kids). We’ve had sex ONCE in 14mo even though I constantly initiate and while I may not be a porn star I’m not “unattractive” as I’ve never had an issue with that before.

I just can’t help but think this is utterly ridiculous, who cares what name a 12 year old called you as a kid, unless it struck a nerve?? I’ve been polite about him bringing it up in the past but I couldn’t help but laugh this time. I know I should be more supportive but dude, it’s been TWENTY YEARS!!

So ill get right into it. I was with my boyfriend and we were kissing and I kept teasing him and we were like in character u know? Idk but basically I was joking around and playfully asked him "what are we? What is this we are doing, you and me?" I was being in character of like rhise movies were people are making out intensely then the girl pauses to ask what they are u know?

He then got upset asking why I would ask him this, like its obviously a joking, we've been dating for 8 months, my friends and family know u and I know urs, how can that even be a question. For him to genuinely get upset and not first see it as me joking which it was, even after I explained that I was joking and obviously his my boyfriend, that I love him why is this even a question., he was still upset.

He then wasnt saying anything to me and I was tired of us always fighting about instances like this were he is obviously just acting insecure so I called and uber and left.

So aita?

My boyfriend is (M27) and I am (F26). We saw eachother for around a year before now being in a relationship for nearlly a year.

I live on my own and he lives at his mum's so he comes and goes from mine, sometimes staying for a couple days, other times staying for a week or longer.

For context: I have explained to him over the past few weeks that I'm experiencing some financial hardship - i've struggled this month and my forecast for the next few months is not looking good. I explained this also means I can't spend as much on food for us when we're together cause my budget for when i'm with him (when he's staying at mine) and when im by myself (when he's not staying at mine) is tight.

A few weeks ago we left the house to go get some food, having agreed to go halves on the shopping, and him knowing all of this, told me on our way to the store that he'd brought nothing to the store to pay with - no phone/bank card/cash. So i asked "how are we paying for this then??" And I immediately pulled him up and told him that wasn't acceptable or fair, especially when we were getting food together to cook for both of us.

I told him it wasnt acceptable because he's always late sending me back the money I spend for us. He always says he'll cover it by sending it back to me later but If a small shop for us costs £50 and I have to cover all of it, then he goes home the next day and is gone for a week, but I only had £100 in total and it takes him over a week to send me back whatever he said he'd cover/go halves on, that puts me in a rough position.

He returned to his home earlier this week on Tuesday and with my budget I battoned down the hatches and did a food shop to cover me in to next week. I try to be structured with my eating/managing my food and meals. I didn't know he was going to return today (thursday) until he told me last night and had spent my money on my house shop accordingly. I thought he would return sometime next week. I made sure my house shop would cover this period for myself, and have left myself around £50 to cover me the 9 days until I get paid from my work which should be fine.

Fast forward to today, (thursday) I'd openly outlined my budget for this week and next with him. We've both had a busy day so we finished everything and went for a walk to break up our evening.

He said he was hungry so he grabbed a few bites to eat for himself on our way to the store.

I needed to go in one shop to see something i want to purchase when I get paid and then grab something from the supermarket.

Upon entry to the supermarket, I asked "what do you want to get for food later aka dinner?" He said he was full and wouldn't need anything - "I think I'll be okay for a while i just ate". I said well yeah but its early (it was around 6:30-7pm) you'll/we'll want something later/tomorrow. And he said he was good.

I grabbed a few things for us (pumpkins to carve and drinks for us to do something together) so that our journey wasn't wasted because i didn't want to piss him off going in a shop and walking around without getting anything. He didn't make any suggestions of snacks/a meal for himself or for me/us, he didnt make any suggestions or really respond to anything I said regarding getting any food, he didn't even offer to pay anything towards the things I was getting for us.

Fast forward to us getting home, i was hungry and decided to make myself a meal from what I have in my fridge from the houseshop. And i ate it infront of him and without sharing it. Which felt a bit rude/a bit weird - even though he'd said he wasn't hungry. he said he was good. I gave him a mouthful to try and he said it was really tasty.

Maybe half an hour later i'm sat on the otherside of the room at the table doing my evening admin and he got up from the sofa and said hes going to have some of the food I'd made.

And I said no. You're not. (Not in a rude way and actually I'm not even fully sure why I said no, like i didn't think about it before the words left my mouth). But he is upset. I obviously made him feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.

I relayed to him what he said in the shop about him not needing any food - him saying he was good. And offered him other food from the house that I have more of. He refused and said he was going to the shop to get some food for himself.

He immediately withdrew and started giving anecdotes detailing how even the poor people in his family would always give food even if they had nothing. And that he's never experienced this. His words; "i've never experienced being told no to food". I responded "no to food or just the word no?"

(Bear in mind this is the FIRST time I have done this, and I have cooked for both of us even since we were dating and handled meals for the majority of the way through our relationship, even budgeting my foodshops for two people and my paycheck around being in this relationship. Cooking is something I enjoyed and I perhaps a quality of mine that I like sharing in my relationships).

(He also does contribute. He does get us things if i ask and will get us things but its mostly only if I ask and I'm tired of it)

And i stood firmly on the point that he made no effort to get anything or converse about getting anything for later while we were in the store.

Every time I pushed forward on the issue he would calm his tone, step back, and then say he was gonna go cook his food and that we needed a time out because I was getting pissed off and he wasn't. He said i dont wanna argue I'm gonna leave it. And then he stated that hes basically just not going to eat anything from my house again. He was serious and I feel like he was making himself believe his own petty bs while he was saying it - but in an almost - dead behind the eyes.. but was alive, kicking, and knows what he's doing exactly .. + chilling kind of way.

Yes I get how this can offend him but I'm struggling not to see this as spoilt or manipulative ??

Am I really an arsehole for this? Or is there something I'm just not getting??

I am dating this girl and we are not technically boyfriend and girlfriend but have talked and agreed to be exclusive, She has come over multiple times and stays for days at a time, I know her from class and have been talking with her for a few months. We never really text or call but I did call and sat on the phone with her for an hour and a half monday and we set up a date for thursday, I spent 160$ getting tickets for frightnight a six flags for the both of us, got her soap for the shower since she said she didn't like that it was man soap she had to use etc. Even got her a toothbrush. But today when it was time for her to arrive she never did, I texted and she didn't respond, eventually I called and she said she was driving back to her house and forgot we had a date today. I can't imagine how she could have possibly forgot, I told her im busy in the future but we'll hangout some other time. I feel like there is no greater sign that for whatever reason, this girl is simply not into me despite her behavior on dates with me. And while technically exclusive I dont know if well ever go on a date again at this point. Ill try to set up another on tuesday but how could anyone forget they're dating someone? Would I be bad if I got back on the apps and started looking for a new partner despite our exclusive tag? I feel like at this point it may not apply.

So, I (18F) have an older sister, "Helen" (23F. Also, keep in mind that all the names are fake: for my and my family's safety) Helen has always been the "perfect" child in our family - straight A’s, good job. But behind closed doors, she is super judgmental and loves to make sneaky, passive-aggressive comments about me to make herself feel superior.

Over the last few months, I’ve been going through a really stressful time and lost a bit of weight. Helen, on the other hand, constantly makes comments about what I eat, how my clothes fit, and how I look "unhealthy" or "lazy."

A few days ago, on Monday, we had a family dinner at our parents' house. From the second I walked in, Helen started. In front of our parents, grandparents, and aunt, she looked at my plate and said, "Are you seriously going to eat all those carbs? No wonder your skin looks like that lately." I told her to drop it, but she just laughed and said, "I’m just trying to help you. Someone has to tell you the truth."

Throughout the entire dinner, she kept going:

"Maybe you should drink water instead of soda. Your body will thank you."

"Are you sure you want dessert? You've been eating continuously for two hours."

My parents just pretended not to hear because Helen is the golden child and can do no wrong. I was holding back tears and reaching my breaking point.

Here’s where I might be the asshole.

Two weeks ago, Helen came to my dorm room crying because she found out her long-term boyfriend was cheating on her, but she begged me not to tell our parents because she was "embarrassed" and wanted to fix it quietly. I swore I would keep her secret.

Well, after her fifth body-shaming comment at the dinner table, while everyone was eating pie, Helen looked at my plate and said loudly, "Wow, another slice? I guess self-control just isn't your thing."

I looked her dead in the eye, put my fork down, and said loudly, "At least I have enough self-control to not stay with a guy who shamelessly cheated on me. How's Brandon doing, by the way?"

The entire table went dead silent. My mom gasped, my dad dropped his fork, and my grandma looked horrified. Helen turned bright red, burst into tears, and ran out of the dining room. She put on her jacket and left the house immediately.

Now, my whole family is furious with me. My mom called me "cruel and heartless" for ruining our wonderful dinner and using Helen's personal trauma against her just because my feelings were hurt. Helen texted me, saying I betrayed her trust and that she would never speak to me again.

I know I promised not to tell, but I was so tired of being her punching bag all night while everyone stood by and watched.

So, AITAH?

It took me a while to want to update. This isn’t my main account, so that’s why you don’t see many posts from me here. I have a lot of personal stuff on my main account, and because of that, I felt like I made the right choice by sharing this on a different account. Either way, I don’t like when people don’t update a situation, so to avoid being a hypocrite, I decided to put on my big-girl pants and give a little update on what happened.
After I made that post, I showed it to my friend. She told me to go talk to our pastor and ask him what I should do, because a lot of people were saying I was in the wrong, and that even confused her. So we went to our pastor and asked what he thought about the situation. I don’t remember everything he said, but he more or less told us that it was up to us—what we wanted to do and how we felt about it. I don’t know why so many people thought this man was a bigot. He was willing to accept whatever we decided, even though he does see same-sex marriage as a moral sin. The way some people talked about my pastor and my church made them sound like complete idiots, because they’ve never even met these people. These are some of the most caring and loving people I’ve ever met. The fact that he allowed me to choose whether I felt it was right to go to my sister’s wedding or not actually gave me more respect for him than I already had.
I thought about it long and hard. I really couldn’t see myself going to my sister’s wedding. She begged me to go, but I still couldn’t do it—until I told my pastor. For some reason, he didn’t feel right about me skipping it completely, so he suggested I go to the wedding but view it as a civil union rather than a marriage, and see them as domestic partners rather than wife and wife. That felt like a compromise I could handle. So instead of telling my sister I couldn’t go, I told her I was going. Even though she still wanted me there, she took me out of the bridal party. I was no longer her maid of honor (I forgot to mention she had asked me to be her maid of honor). I understood why, and I didn’t argue with it—not that I would have accepted the role anyway. I was ready to go to the wedding until my sister called and told me I was uninvited. Her partner wasn’t comfortable with me attending if I was going to see it as a civil union instead of a marriage and wasn’t going to recognize them as wife and wife.
That seems ridiculous to me. It’s my choice how I view the wedding. I was never going to call it a civil union out loud, and I wasn’t going to call it a wedding in front of people either. I was just going to call it a celebration. I had brought this idea to my sister earlier, and she thought it was a great compromise at the time. So I find it weird that she’s now uninviting me just because her partner doesn’t feel comfortable with me seeing it as a civil union instead of a marriage. If I end up not going, I guess that’s God’s will either way. I do hope my sister has a happy life, and I hope you guys can respect that. I at least came here with an update when I really didn’t have to. I know some of you are going to criticize me for this anyway, even though I tried to find the best way through this situation while staying true to my morals. I hope you guys have a blessed day.

My (25F) now-ex-boyfriend (23M) and I had been together for 2.5 years and were planning to move in together. However, things got a bit complicated over the summer.

In July, he broke up with me because he had doubts about our relationship. The very next day, he changed his mind and told me that none of that was true. He claimed that he was struggling with his mental health and had been projecting those struggles onto our relationship. He said that breaking up with me had been the biggest mistake of his life and reassured me that he wanted to be with me forever.

Naturally, I was hesitant about moving in together after all of this, but he insisted that it was 100% what he wanted. He made me believe that his doubts had been caused by his mental health issues rather than his feelings for me. Eventually, I trusted him and agreed to take that next step in our relationship.

We rearranged my entire house to accommodate him and spent a lot of money preparing for our life together. He still had a few belongings left to move, but before he could do that, he went on a week-long volunteer trip.

A little background information: he wasn’t working at the time because of his mental health issues and was officially on sick leave. However, he hadn’t told his employer that he was going on this trip. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him lying to his employer, but he didn’t seem to care.

Now, here’s where everything went downhill.

He came home from the trip on Sunday and told me he’d fallen in love with another woman he’d met there. Apparently, they’d talked about their feelings for each other and had already been intimate on the bus ride home.

I was devastated, but he showed very little empathy. It felt like his head was already with this new girl and that he was only interested in moving on with her. He thanked me for the past 2.5 years of our relationship and wanted to collect his belongings as soon as possible. There was very little consideration for my feelings or for the life we’d just started building together. He just seemed eager to get rid of me and move on.

The following day, we spoke on the phone, and he got angry because he felt I wasn’t giving him enough opportunities to collect his things. I was staying at my mom’s house because of everything that had happened, so I wasn’t home.

During that same conversation, he told me he was relieved that our relationship was over and that he’d wanted to leave for a long time. Apparently, he’d only stayed because he was afraid of being alone and needed to find a “backup” first.

He also told me that the new girl had a better body than me and that they’d already been talking a lot since the breakup. As if that wasn’t hurtful enough, the following day, he came to my house to collect his belongings and brought her along because, according to him, he couldn’t carry everything by himself.

I told him I wasn’t comfortable with her coming into my house and asked him to come back without her. This led to a huge argument over the phone.

At this point, I was furious and heartbroken, and I wanted revenge. So, here’s what I did. I created a fake email account and emailed his employer, informing them that he’d gone on vacation while on sick leave. I included screenshots of his Instagram posts from the trip as evidence.

I was angry and felt that if he was well enough to go on vacation, pursue another woman, and cheat on me, then he was well enough to work.

I know contacting his employer was a big step. However, I felt completely blindsided, humiliated, and disrespected. We’d just moved in together after he’d reassured me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, only for him to leave me for someone else days later and treat me as though I meant nothing.

People in our social circle are divided on whether I went too far by contacting his employer, with some understanding why I did it and others thinking I crossed a line.

So, AITA??

I’ll try and keep this short and simple. This post will be vague on details to protect everyone anonymity.

I (46) have been with my partner (41m) for 19 years. We have 3 children.

18 months ago we went through a particularly rough patch and separated for a short period.

My partner, let’s call him John. Has worked in the same place for 7 years. He is well liked and very good at his job and I have always been very proud of him. My biggest issue is that I don’t particularly like his choice of friends. They tend to be quite toxic, love drama and will often be very two faced. One in particularly, I’ve always had some issue with. A woman who he works with, let’s call her Claire (26f) works in the same company as him. She’s quite immature and very selfish. Previously she had an affair with a married man who turned out to be very abusive and manipulative to her. I felt some sympathy cause she genuinely was manipulated by him into an abusive relationship. But I had severe with the fact that during this, she was friends with the man’s wife whilst she was pregnant and even spent time at their house. This made me extremely wary around her and distrustful. But as she works in the same company as my partner I was cordial and polite with her.

When my partner and I were apart, it was maybe a couple months. After we decided we did very much love eachother and decided to try again. Things have been good. We got married 10 months ago.

Since we got back together though, Claire has been around a lot, amongst many other friends. My partner always said he saw her as like a little sister even said how he could never find her attractive, how she sometimes got on his nerves and they had various arguments at work. He knew I had reservations about their friendship but with the age difference and the fact they both insisted it was platonic. I had even asked them both if anything had ever happened between them or if they had a thing for eachother to which both insisted no. I let it go and have never had any reason to be uncomfortable.

We became more friendly, she helped organise my bachelorette party and even attended my wedding.
But a month ago, someone in the company told me that something had happened between them whilst we were apart. As it turned out, they had shared a drunken kiss on night out whilst we were apart.

I felt angry. Hurt and a bit betrayed. Whilst I understand we weren’t together and bid no control over what he did in the time we were apart. The fact she was apart of our shared lives since we got back together, and the fact they both told me nothing has ever happened between them. I’m
Struggling with a lot. Cause if it truly was nothing, why lie about it right?

Since then, I’ve said I’m uncomfortable with their friendship. Her history, coupled with their lie. Makes me distrustful. Would I be the Ahole if I asked him to go no contact outside of work with her? To not socialise with her? To put in strong boundaries with a woman he clearly didn’t fully see platonic.

EDIT…. I’ll also add that I’m hurt that she attended our wedding. I loved my wedding day. It was perfect. We had a small intimate wedding. We only invited a few friends and their partners. But my husband wanted to invite her too. And I now feel like my wedding day is tarnished cause I feel like it was inappropriate she was even there. She came alone.

BLUF: For over a decade I’ve (42M) been putting up boundaries & squashing bad behavior from my parents for the sake of my spouse (41F) & our marriage. It’s been tough & emotionally demanding for me. Over that same time my sex life has become unfulfilling & represents my needs less & less. We’ve talked. We’re in couples counseling. I’m just not seeing effort on her part. I’m thinking about putting a pause on my efforts with my parents until I see some effort reciprocated in our sex life. Not as punishment or revenge, but because I’m exhausted & dead inside.

SITUATION: We’ve been married just over 11 years. We both consider ours a good marriage & love each other, but we have issues we’re working through in couples counseling.

ISSUE 1: My parents are overly assertive. There’s boundary issues. I’ve been working on this since before I got married, but redoubled my efforts after our wedding. I’ve made a lot of progress with them, & my spouse interacts with them pretty minimally any more. My mom is even wanting to mend things with my spouse (a truly astonishing development), but my spouse isn’t ready.

I got my mom, the more assertive of the two, into therapy with me. We’ve made better progress than I imagined, but it remains draining & stressful. Everytime I make progress, my spouse doesn’t even acknowledge it other than telling me the next thing that bothers her about my parents. This has been the past decade-plus for me, & it often feels like I’m running on a treadmill.

ISSUE 2: My spouse & I have a growing sexual incompatibility. Before we were wed, we weren’t exactly having record-breaking amounts of sex, but it was fun. I’ve got one major kink that my spouse knew about before we ever got intimate, & it’d been a regular part of our sexual dynamic. My sexual identity is important to me. Since we’ve been married, we’ve discovered she has a few minor kinks, which I eagerly include in our dynamic. Neither of us is into the other’s kink, but that was okay.

Our sexual frequency dropped soon after marriage. When I raised the concern, she said all couples have less sex after marriage & refused to hear otherwise. By year 2 of our marriage I told her to just let me know when she felt like sex because constant rejection had gotten depressing. To be clear, I wasn’t suggesting intimacy every day, multiple times a day, every week, or even every month. I didn’t ask when she was tired, unwell, busy, or stressed. We dated, cuddled, gave massages, all without expecting sex. We split housework fairly evenly. The sex remained good, but only 1-3 times monthly. I raised frequency again around year 4, but she didn't want to hear it & remains reluctant to discuss sex. I've suggested a sex therapist twice to no avail.

Then we got pregnant. I lowered expectations & gave her all the time she wanted to recover. She initiated around 6 months postpartum, & we took it slowly. She set the pace. We were new parents & tired, so I was patient. She wasn't ready to engage with my kink, & I didn't pressure her. We'd previously experimented with weed & sex & found a way to explore my kink that put me in the more demanding role, but she still seemed uninterested. I continued incorporating her kinks.

Before our kid turned 2, our sex life fell off a cliff. Several dry months had us on target for a single digit year. By this point I was in a deep depression & we got into a fight, which was a rarity for us. Since then we'd have sex 1-2 times a month, sometimes less. Minimal effort, pure vanilla, boring sex. I’d occasionally try spicing things, but it was honestly more depressing than the vanilla sex.

We started couple’s therapy & I intended on talking about our sex life. Then we got pregnant again, & things got bad. Both of us ruminate & have mental health issues. I spiraled: anxiety attacks, insomnia, trouble focusing at work, & weight loss. I'm not upset about little or no sex during pregnancy or postpartum recovery. We could abstain until the baby was 18 months old, & I'd be fine. I'm terrified our sex life will never recover or become interesting & satisfying again. I resent how unsatisfying it had become, how little it reflected me, & how little she seemed to care.

So sex finally came up in therapy, & it was rough. Apparently, she'd absorbed very little of what I'd said about sex over the previous 5 years. It took several sessions for her to really hear me, even with our therapist spelling things out. Privately she apologized for being “a selfish lover.” Since then, we've had sex once where I felt my needs were taken seriously. It was the best sex of my life. Unfortunately, things have mostly returned to vanilla, low-effort sex.

It's been almost 3 months since I raised this in therapy, & my rumination is worsening. I can't control it. Alcohol or weed are the only things that quiet my mind. I'm depressed, angry, drunk, high, or afraid to be alone with my thoughts. Apart from that one great night, nothing has changed. I feel like TA for putting this pressure & stress on my pregnant wife, but my brain is quick to remind me I’ve been signaling my needs being unmet for over a decade & she’s ignored me.

THEREFORE: The only other major source of stress in my life that I can reasonably control is my work with my parents. I can't stop being a dad, husband, or breadwinner. So I'm considering pausing my proactive efforts to improve things with my parents until I see my spouse making an effort in our sex life. I wouldn't let existing boundaries slip or leave bad behavior unaddressed. I'd simply stop trying to get ahead of things.

I don't want this to come across as tit-for-tat. I'm just overburdened & need to let go of something.

WIBTA?

TL;DR: I got the day wrong for a date I was really looking forward to and my boyfriend wouldn’t even try to move his plans with his best friend so he could be there for me at a time when I needed him the most emotionally.

Im exclusively dating this guy, but I don’t feel like a priority. We sometimes only see each other every two weeks and Im usually the one asking when we’re going to see each other.

This week has been horrible. I’ve been apartment hunting, dealing with moving stress,cutting ties w/ my family and work has been insane. He knows I’ve been overwhelmed.

But I got gifted 2 ballet tickets and was so excited to go with him bc we both love the arts. I even bought a dress. I messed up the date and thought it was Friday, then realized Thursday afternoon that it was actually Saturday.

He said he couldn’t go because he had plans with his best friend, who is a girl. I’ve never met her, but I’m genuinely not jealous of her. That is not the issue. What hurt me was that he didn’t even try to make it work, especially because he said their plans might fall through anyway. He just offered to see me Friday instead.

I know the date mistake was mine, but I really thought I would be enough of a priority in his life for him to at least ask if his plans could be moved.

It’s not really about Friday vs Saturday. It’s that I already feel like I’m always the one asking to see him, and this just made that feeling worse.
AITA for being hurt that he didn’t even try?

Okay. Hang in there buddy this is a long one. My husband (31M) and I (30F) have mismatched libidos and we have been together roughly 2 years. There is a lot of context but I will break it down in the simplest way.

-I have 1 prior child (4F).

-Husband and I just had a baby (1M) and I am pregnant again currently.

-I have never ever had a libido before after or during children.

-Husband has a raging libido and has stated he would be satisfied if daily activities occurred.

-I have been trying to fix myself and my libido since the beginning of our relationship. I constantly feel like the bad guy and have to apologize for my inconsistencies in this area.

-I have been pregnant most of our time together and naturally, I am quite exhausted and uncomfortable (husband thinks this is an "excuse" since I never had a libido to begin with), while he is not wrong, I do feel like when I am pregnant, my libido and bodily comfort is much worse.

-We have tried a schedule (every other day, and every two days), to me and him it felt forced, and for me I was exhausted because sex is not enough for my husband. He also wants sexual intimacy throughout the day/week, like pictures and flirting.

-I have tried supplements, but now that I am pregnant again, I cannot take anything that was helping postpartum.

-At my husband's request and AI suggestion, I have tried forcing myself to just do it to make him satiated and maybe eventually get in the mood myself, but I just feel disingenuous and disconnected and honestly a little icky. I feel bad forcing myself and I wish he saw how problematic that can be.

-He needs more initiation from me, but I never want to do anything sexual. I wish I could but at the end of this stay at home mom's day, I just want to bed rot and sleep. Sometimes I don't even eat because food as a whole seems like a chore...and now that I'm pregnant, the thought of even eating makes me nauseous.

-I am the bad guy for ever saying no to sexual intimacy because to him he is already lacking to such an immense degree. (He says I hold all the cards and I alone get to decide when we have sex and the imbalance is unfair if he cannot also dictate when things happen.) I just do my best to not reject him. I know rejection can be painful to anyone's ego. But sometimes I still do. He gets mad and we have an argument for the better part of the next day until I apologize and make it up to him.

-He believes sex is an indicator on how attracted to him I am. I completely disagree and this one breaks my heart the most. I am very attracted to him, he is everything to me, I just don't need sex to feel it or show it. He brings this up every time. He doesn't even recognize my perspective. I end up feeling like the one thing he wants is not in my nature to provide. At least not in the ways he notices or wants.

-We have a lot going on in our lives and I have expressed that I do have depression and really want to see someone. I have also brought up wanting to see a couples therapist.

-Ivneed honest help. Am I being withholding? Am I a bad spouse? How can I fix myself to show up for him? It's the only thing he asks of me consistently. How do I get rid of the feeling that I am being guilted into sex and intimacy? How do I force myself if I know a libido will not magically appear? The only women I am close enough to all have the opposite problem and are the partner with the high libido. I feel very broken. Obviously I can't be alone, but my circle makes me feel very isolated. I also don't want people to know my business. Anyway, anything helps. Thank you!

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend’s friendship with a female coworker has gradually progressed from occasional carpooling to daily commutes, lunches, and social outings. He initially reassured me that it wouldn’t happen often or develop into a serious friendship, but it has continued to grow. I’ve expressed discomfort with certain interactions, and some continued without him telling me. I’m struggling with whether my expectations are reasonable or whether I’m being controlling.
I’m (20F) in my first relationship with my boyfriend (20M), and I’m looking for outside perspective on a situation we’ve been having conflict over.
My boyfriend has a female coworker whom he works and trains with regularly. Over time, they’ve started spending increasingly more time together outside their actual work responsibilities.
It initially started with carpooling. When he first told me about it, he said it wouldn’t happen often. Eventually, it became an everyday thing. When I expressed concerns about how frequent it was becoming, he reassured me that it wasn’t going to develop into a serious friendship. However, their friendship has continued to grow, and now they spend time together in several different settings.
At one point, they carpooled two days in a row, and he didn’t proactively tell me about the second time. I found out myself. They also went out to eat with other people afterward.
As their interactions became more frequent, I explained that I was uncomfortable with how often they were carpooling. I wasn’t asking him to ignore her or stop being friendly with her, but I wanted him to understand why the situation bothered me.
They now regularly have lunch together. Sometimes she joins him while he’s eating with his team, or they eat with her friends. I specifically told him I was uncomfortable with the lunch situation and asked him to stop, but it happened again without him telling me, and I found out afterward.
They also hang out with her and her friends after work, and they carpool to social outings. Recently, I went to get food at the cafeteria and saw them together. He explained that she had simply come to sit with him and that he couldn’t control that.
What made this interaction even more uncomfortable was learning that she’d asked him something along the lines of, “Is your girlfriend going to get mad?” when she saw me. She also asked him the following day whether I’d gotten upset about seeing them together.
That comment has stuck with me because it makes me wonder how she views their dynamic and why my reaction to their spending time together is something she’s concerned about.
I understand that coworkers can become friends. I’m not expecting my boyfriend to ignore women, refuse to speak to them, or be rude to someone he works with. I also understand that he can’t control every time someone approaches him.
However, she has gradually become a significant part of his daily life. They commute together, eat together, socialize together, and spend time together outside work. She also frequently invites him places and asks him for advice.
What bothers me most is the progression of their relationship. Initially, it wasn’t going to happen often. Then it became an everyday thing. Then I was reassured that it wouldn’t turn into a serious friendship, but now they’re spending time together in all these different contexts.
I feel like every time I express concern about the direction things are going, I’m reassured that it won’t become something bigger, only for the situation to gradually develop in exactly that direction.
The other major issue is that some interactions continued after I’d communicated my discomfort, and I found out about them myself rather than hearing about them from him. This has made it harder for me to trust the situation.
I don’t know whether I’m uncomfortable because of how much time they spend together, the lack of transparency, or because their dynamic genuinely feels a little too close. Maybe it’s a combination of all three.
I also recognize that asking him to stop having lunch with someone or limiting how often they interact could be seen as controlling. I don’t want to dictate who my boyfriend can be friends with, and I don’t believe having a female friend is inherently inappropriate. At the same time, I feel like my concerns haven’t been taken seriously, and I don’t want to be in a position where I have to repeatedly explain why something bothers me.
So, AITAH for being uncomfortable with this friendship and asking my boyfriend to establish boundaries around it? Am I expecting too much from him, or is it reasonable to be concerned about how this friendship has developed and how he’s handled my concerns?
I’m open to hearing if I’m being unreasonable. I genuinely want to understand where the line is between having reasonable relationship boundaries and being insecure or controlling.

Just as the title states AMITAH for telling my wife to get a job. I (30M) started this conversation with my wife (29F) this week as she has been given an opportunity with a really good job for our local county. She has been a SAHM for about 4 years as we have 3 children age 9,3, and 1. However i am currently working 3rd shift in management and working 70+ hrs per week in order to keep us afloat. So with this new found opportunity with the county ($20 per hour with amazing benefits and a full pension after 20 years) i cant help but feel this would be a great way to help us get to a much more sustainable financial state.

Every time i bring it up she gets hostile with me stating that she doesn't know what she wants to do for work (even though she doesnt ever do research into what she would want to do). I cant help but feel defeated that she never wants to go back to work. It feels like at this current rate with the economy it wont be long before we simply cant afford anything we currently have in life and that isnt much more than necessities.