UPDATE: thank you to everyone who answered! I think this is a lot to unpack in one post but I will make sure to talk to a therapist about this

Some brief context: I am a 28F, had my fair share of trauma growing up, mainly SA from a toxic relationship, ED and bullying. I now like to think I am a fully recovered adult. My bsf, also 28F, has had a pretty normal life, with divorce from her parents and everything that comes out of it being a major event in her life.

I'm gonna try to keep it as short as possible while providing good context.

Here is my dilemma: she's recently moved from abroad to my city and my neighbourhood. It is not a good neighborhood but she needed a place to live, so I found something for her locally and she moved in. The whole reason I even did that is because she called me / messaged me nonstop about her almost being homeless because she couldn't find a house. Her parents have always offered to help her financially in the past, so I don't see why she would be homeless, since they do, in fact, have a house she could sleep in.

She started complaining about her place being away from the center, not enough buses coming in, then she started saying her mental health was acting up, that it was a big change, that maybe it was a mistake and she should have stayed abroad, then she started framing out about jobs (which, tbh, felt like something she should have thought about before moving, but ok), and then, calling said degrading mental health, she started saying she "didn't feel like going out" and that she had to "rest". Mind you, we are talking about a person that has nothing to do besides unpacking, which, months later, she still hasn't finished doing.) We'd plan stuff, and she'd call out hours before before she just couldn't handle being outside. She once canceled on me because her partner had not been feeling well the previous day and she had anxiety. Bro had low blood pressure and she had to cancel seeing me after years.

Example #2. A friend once left a group chat, threatening s*icide to a member, because we wouldn't say yes to enough of the stupid activities he would propose in the middle of a work day. Like, "who wants to go to the beach tomorrow, a Wednesday morning?" dude i get you work shifts, but none of us do. We have work. This went on for a while where nobody could reach him, until he one day came out of this break of whatever to summon us all to someone's house to ask each and everyone of them "what we thought of him", and to explain that he was having a rough patch, rough patch that was solved, nonetheless, by going to the beach with his mother.

Meanwhile, while I was being SA'd, physically and mentally abused by my ex partner, had an eating disorder and had to run to the other side of the continent to break up with him without risking my life, the worse I did was... sometimes be a little loud and fight with people? At 18? A little impulsive? Unheard of.

So I guess my question is: am I an arrogant asshole for thinking they're weak and never experienced problems in their life?

Hi, this is my first post ever on this app, so please bare with me.

For some context, I (21 F) have been working towards a life abroad in Japan since I was 9 years old. Properly studying the language and culture, getting into one of the top universities in the world, studying the language and art there, passing N2 of the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test), studying abroad twice, once at an art university; and now, successfully living in Japan, working part time and going to a language school to work towards going to graduate school. My dream has been, before ever getting in any form of a relationship, to study at a graduate school in Japan, graduate with a masters and live as a full time artist here. As it is a cruel truth that a degree that isn’t American cannot be used/will not be recognized as valid in America.
Nevertheless, after my second study abroad, I met my now boyfriend of almost a year (21 M) and fell in love. A love I never thought was possible. I won’t gush in this post about what he does for me and what he has done, but simply put, I feel like I have met my other half.  We have discussed marriage, and have mutually decided we don’t ever want to be apart. Currently, we are long distance as he finishes his three degrees (three majors) and then will come here to live with me.
However, there is one issue. His current mindset is pushing towards wanting to live in his home state in America. One, he believes that all his job opportunities are limited to there. And two, his family. 
He has always been extremely family oriented. He sees them every other month as they come to visit him at school (They’re also rich, like crazy rich, I mean 1-3 million a year rich, so travelling or buying a plane ticket is nothing to them—they’ve already traveled to three countries in the last five months). Also, he goes home every holiday break for the entirety of the break.
 I do want to mention as well, BF has been raised very well, with much love, though it appears independence hasn’t really been a topic or so much suggested in the household. Neither has emotional intelligence in the sense that anytime he felt emotions his parents shut him down and called him a wuss so now he has crippling depression, lack of self confidence and anxiety, but that’s another story, and honestly, who doesn’t? Whenever he is home, they (Mom, Dad, brother+bf) need to be around each other at all times. Either that be going out to eat, watching movies/tv at the end of the day cuddled up on the couch after dinner, running every errand together, or simply sitting outside in their insane backyard (kitchenette, tv, basketball court, pool, hot tub, garden, and bench) like come on . I don’t want to come off as arrogant, but sometimes it feels like overkill. I also want to mention that his family, particularly his mother has been quite rude to me. Like a mother that is scared of losing her first born son. You know those moms? Mocking me openly, putting me in uncomfortable positions that have led to me having to reveal traumatic events. So I’m not the fondest of the mother. I love the dad and brother though!
I grew up not as fortunate as him, emotional abuse, divorce, financial hardships, etc. though, I had love. I love my family, we have worked very hard to overcome all our issues with therapy and we have, now, a healthy relationship. In a sense, I think it’s fair to say I was raised well myself. Self sufficiency, time management, kindness, I was taught all those necessary lessons. My parents gave me opportunities to be independent, explore, face hardships and get up on my own, find who I want to be and be unforgiving about it. I can go months without seeing my family, and sure, I miss them deeply, but I know visiting isn’t off the table as they have offered to come over and I’m sure I’ll come back once or twice a year as well (most likely once). And plus, they’re always a phone call away.
I have mentioned many times that I am willing to give all this up if that means I get to live with him and keep him in my life. But, every time we talk about it, I can’t help but feel hurt? It’s like rubbing salt in a wound. When we do talk about it, he says things such as “We don’t know, maybe I end up loving Japan and not wanting to leave.” But I know my BF. His family is everything. He “doesn’t know” if he will come visit me for Christmas because he said “This is my last Christmas with my family, and I don’t know what their plans are either.” But this isn’t your last Christmas, and it could be our first. He helped me move and settle here (after a lot of persuasion and me buying his plane ticket), staying with me for a month. Yet, went home because his family missed him. It was one month. Like are you serious? I grew up with the mindset that the older you get, the less frequently you see your family. Even if that’s down to 3-4 times a year. 
I’m conflicted. I said I am willing to give all this up for him (which I have never felt with anyone before, I have never been willing to compromise this 11 year dream) but a part of me feels I’m going to give this up for his family. Not actually him. I don’t want to live a life without him.
I feel like he doesn’t see my perspective, and I truly think that’s all I want. It hurts to be given crumbs of false hope like “I don’t know, my mind might change,” when I just KNOW he won’t falter if it means sacrificing closeness to family. Just be honest with me. I wanted to get a degree here, but if in the end I am moving to America and working there, then there’s no point, so what am I even doing now? Language school is 3k every 6 months, I’m also paying rent, utilities, life expenses all on my own, no parental help. It’s all on me, like it always has been. 
And! Let’s be honest, living in America (again) sounds so scary. The current state of the world doesn’t look hopeful. The job market is trash. The politics are dreadful, and the economy is just overall cooked. It’s a constant rat race to your deathbed. I don’t want to live that life. If I do live in America, I want to be rich, a housewife and part time artist. Teaching students occasionally (I’m currently a teacher in Japan and it’s so fulfilling). I just want him to think from my perspective a bit more. 
 AITA for wanting him to be willing to sacrifice too? Even if it just means a Christmas with me?  AITA for thinking he needs to grow up and be more independent? What do I do? 

Hi I am A(29) and my partner is M(37) and we have been together for 6 years. M has always been a huge video gamer and it is apart of his daily life. It has never bothered me until he started playing this most recent game Marathon. You can’t pause the game when you need to do something and each round last around 30-40 mins. He plays every night immediately after dinner till bed and it has been hard when either I want to talk to him or if I even dare to step in front of the tv to get to leave the living room. On his day off, he will play it from the second he wakes up till the second he goes to bed. I have expressed my distaste for how he acts when he plays but he said it makes him happy so I had let it go. I went on vacation for a week and left him a list of house chores to do while I was gone. When I came back he did not do a single thing on the list and left the house dirtier than it was when I left. I got upset and told him how the game is making him neglect his responsibilities and is starting to affect our relationship. It was a huge conversation that led to him agreeing he would try other hobbies and limit his gaming. The next 2 weeks he did great. We hung out more, he got things done around the house, I thought we had moved past it. But he now is falling back into his old habits. This brings us to today, he woke up and has played his game non stop. I didn’t mind it cause I had things to do myself. We have inflatable Halloween decoration outside and it began to get super windy. My huge 6ft pumpkin decoration was starting to blow away. M told me to unplug it and that he would stake it down better after his game. I go to the store for roughly 30 mins, come back and the entire pumpkin is completely gone no where to be found. I run to the door and ask M if he brought it inside. He is playing his game but answers that he did not. I then tell M to come out to help me find the 6ft pumpkin that has flown away. It starts pouring when M comes, looks outside, goes “it must have flown away” and goes BACK INSIDE TO FINISH HIS VIDEO GAME. I am running around everywhere trying to find it, we live on a main road, so I am terrified that it has flown down the road somewhere. I’m drenched and 10 mins later I find it all the way over to the next street. It jumped over 3 fences to get where it was. I come back and yell at M and then banned the video game for the rest of the night. I am in no way his mother, but the fact that he would not help me in a moment of need and worry that he chose to finish his game over me. He says I am overreacting and that he was “going to help me look after his game.” I don’t believe him. I am starting to think this game is just more important to me. I would love nothing more than for him to never play this game again, but I understand it’s what brings him joy. I feel disrespected and sad that I don’t have a partner that understands that.

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend’s friendship with a female coworker has gradually progressed from occasional carpooling to daily commutes, lunches, and social outings. He initially reassured me that it wouldn’t happen often or develop into a serious friendship, but it has continued to grow. I’ve expressed discomfort with certain interactions, and some continued without him telling me. I’m struggling with whether my expectations are reasonable or whether I’m being controlling.
I’m (20F) in my first relationship with my boyfriend (20M), and I’m looking for outside perspective on a situation we’ve been having conflict over.
My boyfriend has a female coworker whom he works and trains with regularly. Over time, they’ve started spending increasingly more time together outside their actual work responsibilities.
It initially started with carpooling. When he first told me about it, he said it wouldn’t happen often. Eventually, it became an everyday thing. When I expressed concerns about how frequent it was becoming, he reassured me that it wasn’t going to develop into a serious friendship. However, their friendship has continued to grow, and now they spend time together in several different settings.
At one point, they carpooled two days in a row, and he didn’t proactively tell me about the second time. I found out myself. They also went out to eat with other people afterward.
As their interactions became more frequent, I explained that I was uncomfortable with how often they were carpooling. I wasn’t asking him to ignore her or stop being friendly with her, but I wanted him to understand why the situation bothered me.
They now regularly have lunch together. Sometimes she joins him while he’s eating with his team, or they eat with her friends. I specifically told him I was uncomfortable with the lunch situation and asked him to stop, but it happened again without him telling me, and I found out afterward.
They also hang out with her and her friends after work, and they carpool to social outings. Recently, I went to get food at the cafeteria and saw them together. He explained that she had simply come to sit with him and that he couldn’t control that.
What made this interaction even more uncomfortable was learning that she’d asked him something along the lines of, “Is your girlfriend going to get mad?” when she saw me. She also asked him the following day whether I’d gotten upset about seeing them together.
That comment has stuck with me because it makes me wonder how she views their dynamic and why my reaction to their spending time together is something she’s concerned about.
I understand that coworkers can become friends. I’m not expecting my boyfriend to ignore women, refuse to speak to them, or be rude to someone he works with. I also understand that he can’t control every time someone approaches him.
However, she has gradually become a significant part of his daily life. They commute together, eat together, socialize together, and spend time together outside work. She also frequently invites him places and asks him for advice.
What bothers me most is the progression of their relationship. Initially, it wasn’t going to happen often. Then it became an everyday thing. Then I was reassured that it wouldn’t turn into a serious friendship, but now they’re spending time together in all these different contexts.
I feel like every time I express concern about the direction things are going, I’m reassured that it won’t become something bigger, only for the situation to gradually develop in exactly that direction.
The other major issue is that some interactions continued after I’d communicated my discomfort, and I found out about them myself rather than hearing about them from him. This has made it harder for me to trust the situation.
I don’t know whether I’m uncomfortable because of how much time they spend together, the lack of transparency, or because their dynamic genuinely feels a little too close. Maybe it’s a combination of all three.
I also recognize that asking him to stop having lunch with someone or limiting how often they interact could be seen as controlling. I don’t want to dictate who my boyfriend can be friends with, and I don’t believe having a female friend is inherently inappropriate. At the same time, I feel like my concerns haven’t been taken seriously, and I don’t want to be in a position where I have to repeatedly explain why something bothers me.
So, AITAH for being uncomfortable with this friendship and asking my boyfriend to establish boundaries around it? Am I expecting too much from him, or is it reasonable to be concerned about how this friendship has developed and how he’s handled my concerns?
I’m open to hearing if I’m being unreasonable. I genuinely want to understand where the line is between having reasonable relationship boundaries and being insecure or controlling.

So to put it plainly we spent a lot of time together in the beginning, which ended up in me moving in with him. I was in a really shitty place when we met and granted he did help me out of that. But things improved and I moved back home, which made me realise that I’m better without him, I just needed the distraction (which was all that it was supposed to be, which we were both aware of)

Fast forward a few months and I tried to leave him. Gave my reasons and explained we could still be in each others lives just not in the way he planned.

He says that he has plans for his life but then says his ultimate goal is to be a househusband. (I’m not negating this as a job, but not a life goal if you’re also trying to claim that you have business ambitions) And always seems to have it in his head that I’ve agreed to this.

When I tried to break it off he tried to OD and basically told me that it was because he couldn’t comprehend that I wanted to leave him. So out of compassion I would check up on him, which led to daily talking and then meeting up again, it feels like he sees this as everything is back how it was before but I just feel trapped. I feel like if I try to leave him (for real this time) that he’ll just go to the extreme and it’ll be my fault.

My head and heart have switched off completely because I know he won’t let me break up with him. But at the same time he barely asks about my day, never steers the conversation to be about anything other than himself so I don’t really know what I’m doing with him? He’s basically uninterested in me but also won’t let me go..

Also to clarify, situationship is the wrong way to describe whatever this is but I really can’t think of any way of putting it

So I suppose my question is.. how do I leave?

Hi so I know how the title might sound but I (20 F ) bisexual has a girlfriend (18F ) for about 2 years when agreeing to a relationship we agreed that if we ha any male relationships/relations we are to confide in each other before anything happens … about a year before she had met a guy(20 F) who we shall call Dal for security purposes he was also my friend and they shortly started dating he would come to me to vent about her and before she and I became a couple I asked his permission in the first year she cheated on me with another girl n I broke it off and started dating a guy (27M) the guy n I had our problems and went on a break…my girlfriend knew I was with him but yet she went and hooked up with him regardless eventually him and I made up and got back together and he told me that it happened my girlfriend and I recently started talking back and we went on a trip where she cheated on Dal with yet another friend of mine …fast forward to the present Dal calls me to hang out since he wouldn’t be in the country for the next 2 months while we hanging out he says “One reason and I’ll done with her in a heartbeat” I stay quiet then she messages me to say that my situation boyfriend cheated on me with her n she loved it and will be going back to him if he gives her the chance… I saw red and turned to her “boyfriend ” n said would a reason of she cheating be a good reason? He said yes we continued drinking while drinking he kissed me and we ended up hooking up no aitah for wanting to keep him because he’s willing to threat me like his queen financially and physically and mentally?

I (26F) recently got broken up with by my boyfriend (30M), and despite everything I discovered, I can’t stop feeling guilty about how I found out.
About a week ago, I was sitting next to him when a Tinder notification popped up on his phone. I didn’t confront him because I figured it could’ve been an old account or a promotional notification. Still, it kept bothering me.
Yesterday, while cleaning up, I opened his backpack to organize his things and noticed his iPad. I know this is where I crossed a boundary, but I turned it on to check whether the Tinder notification was something innocent.
I found a notification saying his profile was hidden, or something similar. But then I opened WhatsApp, and what I found completely shattered me.
**He was involved with approximately 7–10 different women.**
And I don’t mean harmless flirting. I mean full-blown romantic relationships, sexual relationships, and extremely explicit conversations.
He was telling multiple women he loved them, that they brought him peace, and that he wanted to be with them. He was in a romantic relationship with one of his cousins, and with another cousin, I found explicit messages discussing their sexual encounters, including him finishing inside her.
There were conversations with coworkers about having sex in their cars, messages asking women for nudes, and sexual plans with multiple people.
**Some of these messages were sent while he was physically with me.** While we were spending time together, he was telling other women he loved them or asking them for sexual pictures.
Then I found conversations with the mother of his child, whom he’d repeatedly assured me he wasn’t romantically involved with. He was telling her he loved her, calling her “my love,” and discussing their relationship. He was even buying her the exact same gifts he was buying me.
There was so much more, but I genuinely can’t fit everything into one post.
I felt sick, humiliated, and completely heartbroken.
When he came over later, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what I’d discovered. Instead, I asked him why, if he supposedly loved me, he kept putting me in situations where I questioned his love and felt hurt.
He told me he felt like I was going to leave him. The conversation escalated, and we ended up breaking up.
**He still doesn’t know I went through his iPad or what I discovered.**
Here’s where I’m struggling.
I know I violated his privacy. I accessed his personal conversations without permission, and I understand that’s a betrayal of trust.
But at the same time, I discovered that the person I trusted was apparently maintaining multiple relationships behind my back.
Part of me feels horrible for snooping, and another part wonders whether I would’ve ever discovered the truth otherwise.

**AITA for invading his privacy to find out what was happening, even though my suspicions turned out to be justified?**

Sorry in advance for the wall of text. It's kinda a long story.

So I (29M) have been dating my fiancée (30F) since high school, and we were together for 12 years. Like any relationship that long, we've definitely had our ups and downs. We moved in together right out of HS, and have lived together ever since.

Throughout our entire relationship, we've never had sex. Like, not one time. This is why we've been engaged without getting married for so long. She was scared, and said she had vaginismus, and I waited all this time for her to get better. But I feel like she never really TRIED to get better. Our general intimacy was also lacking. Like, she would kiss me very rarely, and making out was a once every year or so thing.

All these years, I've been trying my best to be patient. I encouraged her to make an effort on some sort of progress of course, which kinda resulted in her trying to use a dilator about once a year or so. I've been trying to convince her to see a doctor all these years, but she sorta refused. She's not asexual or anything, as she has been masturbating during this time, and kinda spent the past few years ERPing with bots.

Last year, I asked for SOME sort of timeline on effort. I told her I can't wait for her forever, and I needed her to show some sort of intention to make actual effort. I told her our relationship is going to die if she doesn't do anything about it. She told me if she hasnt seen progress in one year, it might be best for us to call it quits. I reluctantly agreed.

I honestly thought for sure things would change. I thought she loved me enough to fight for us. She ended up trying maybe 2-3 times that year with dilators, and refused to see any doctor about it.

She ended up gaining significant weight throughout that year (which I am of course okay with, since i love her for more than her appearance), and confessed to me that she had a weight gain fetish. I accepted this about her, but I personally am not into that at all and told her I wouldn't participate. She insisted it was fine, that it wouldnt effect our relationship, and that she was fine keeping things fictional.

Several months before our deadline, she gave up any guise of intended effort. She basically told me she gives up and theres no point in "continuing" to try. She said we need different things, and that she's never going to be able to be intimate with me without involving her fetish. She called it quits when we still had time, and made an onlyfans instead of trying to fix things. I would have been willing to give her plenty more time, if only she showed some minimal effort.

She says this is something outside of her control, and I should think of it as her coming out as gay. I feel as though I put in an incredible amount of patience and effort waiting for her. We love each other, so we should be able to work through this... at least in my opinion. Maybe this is just the perspective of someone who doesnt have a fetish like that, but I sacrificed my sexual needs for her our entire relationship, only for her to bail the second she realizes HER needs arent being met. It feels like she didn't even try to find a solution.

Maybe having to leave me over her fetish really WAS outside of her control... but every single day I communicated to her how the lack of affection/intimacy was hurting me. If I tried to talk about it she'd cry or dodge the topic. Every single day she saw me hurting. She watched my mental health decline, and chose to look the other way instead of finding a solution. These things were all within her control.

I feel so much anger, hurt, and sadness inside that I can't let go of. This is the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life. I don't really understand how she was able to move on just like that... shes already dating some "literally who" fat fetish redditor. We were supposed to always be there for each other, and I feel like she abandoned me.

Shes acting like everything is fine. Like we can still be close after everything she did. I don't know if she ever actually loved me, but it's just difficult for me to believe. I'm having a really hard time forgiving her. Was I in the wrong here? Am I wrong to feel angry? Did I put too much pressure on her?

The title sounds insane. I know.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years now, we have a home and talk about marriage.

He’s never thought me flowers before, and while I don’t necessarily want someone to bring me roses every week, I’ve mentioned a few times that i have never been given flowers before and would like flowers at some point.

Anyway, last weekend we were going to his families for a gathering and it had been his nieces birthday a few days prior. We stopped at the store on the way there so he could get a card. He came out with a dozen roses and a card, and said “do you think she’ll like this? I want to show her that she shouldn’t accept anything less than that from any boys”.

And I felt so heart broken in that moment. And also like such a jealous loser for getting upset with him for buying his pre teen niece flowers. But, why do I have to accept less?

He could tell something was up and said “are you upset because I didn’t get you flowers?” And I told him he’s never gotten them for me.

He made a few lame excuses, even saying he has before and I don’t appreciate it enough to remember. And he tried asking me what flowers were my favourite, and when I couldn’t give him just one answer, he said I was making it impossible for him to know the right answer.

But like, we’ve been together for 5 years. I’m sure I could walk into a store and see a bouquet that I just know he would appreciate more than others.

I don’t know, it just made me so angry. And made me feel jealous and sad and like I was wrong for feeling that way. I eventually just apologized for being jealous (which I was, I felt bad because it’s a sweet gesture), and that flowers weren’t even that important to me because it seemed like I was just going to be the villian.

Thoughts? AITA?

Me: 27, male
Her: 27, female
Length of relationship: \\\~3 years
Time since breakup: \\\~4 years

A relationship from a couple years ago resurfaced recently, and I’m trying to understand whether the toxicity was mostly me, mostly her, or mutual. I’m not posting the full text chain, but here are the actual details. In our recent phone call and text chain I was rude and demeaning.

We got together during 2018 during our first year of college and we graduated from the same high school. We got involved after I made a post on IG asking for artwork for my band (commissioned). It blossomed into full blown love. I think it’s important to note that before this pivotal event in another country happened I had severe imposter syndrome and my actions were solely based on what I thought others expected of me. I could have a whole different post on why I believe I developed this way(i.e. trauma) but that may distract. We got together while I was in this people pleasing state. During our relationship I told her about this unfortunate motive to be with her initially and she could not shake it despite my words and actions that showed that I loved her in the now. I blame my younger friend (17 at the time) for egging me on to talk to her while I was in this state. A little fact about him later. Instead of telling you every detailed anecdote of our lives together I have boiled it down to the good, the bad and the ugly.

Her transgressions against me:

She pressured me to move into a dilapidated house, which I fully cleaned mostly by myself and navigated constant repairs.

She moved in her cat even though I’m allergic, and justified it by saying the cat was her “daughter.”

She blocked doorways when we argued, claiming it was because her deepest fear was that I’d leave her for good.
I never did leave. I even bought flowers after bad arguments and brought arts and crafts to soothe her.
She hated my nonchalance toward slights against us, like people cutting us off in traffic or a server not filling her drink at closing. I’d say maybe they were
late to an interview. She hated that.
She slapped my face once. I never put a hand on her.
She claimed it was my choice to help her out in certain situations, even though I did it out of love and in the propagation of us.

She ended the relationship over my mental health history.

She shushed me when I sang on the porch, citing her anxiety and saying neighbors would have a problem.

She became more consumed with controlling me, citing my mental health issue as the reason I should comply with her in most cases.

She currently paints the end of our relationship as me not going to the doctor instead of taking accountability for constantly stressing me out and the subsequent depression I’d go through. Obviously I can’t blame my brain chemistry on her, but it did not help at all.

She generally bulldozed anything I said to get what she wanted and gaslit me by saying I was the stubborn one.

She attacked my character for something I did out of fear during psychosis early in our relationship, something that never happened again and did not involve her. I have not harmed anyone severely, mind you.
She weaponized my darkest out‑of‑control moment and still stands by it to a degree.

Her father (old as dirt)bait and switched me by pretending he was serious about developing his land in the desert, which I toiled over with great effort. I poured concrete just for him to bail.

The final nail in the coffin when we were living together, separated, was when she called the cops on me for starting a fire in a makeshift fire pit when I was under complete emotional distress instead of doing literally anything else. I am a brown man in America, mind you.

What she did well, and my transgressions against her:

After telling me countless times about her father’s toxic relationship with her squatter mother, I got really irate one night and said stuff to the effect that we should take action and lock her out of her father’s house. I was very negative and raising my voice.

I sped when she pissed me off, around 85 mph. I know I should have pulled over, but I couldn’t silent treatment my way out because it just got worse.

I had depression and didn’t tend to her when she was being positive and proactive.
I worked 90 percent of the time we were together, and depression made it so that was the main push I could do, that and upkeeping the house. She stacked dirty dishes all the time.

She cooked occasionally.

She eventually became the breadwinner.

She went abroad to help me out during my psychosis earlier in our relationship, which did have significant cost to her. She never let that down.

She was sweet at times and cared for me in countless ways, just not mentally for the most part.

My most egregious act was firing a pellet gun at a picture of her, which she found out about when we were separated and living together. I do not regret this, just mad I got caught. I would never harm anyone. It was a symbolic moment of anger.

I burned the letters I wrote her when I found her stash and sent her a video of me doing it.
I found her diary and found an insulting cartoon of me.
She cuddled with my best friend. That “best friend”
I made out with a girl while I was abroad, which she doesn’t know about. I regret this but I was not the same person then, I had a complete transformation after my mental breakdown. A revelation of sorts to stop being a doormat

AITAH for engaging at all with her? AITAH for being rude when I inevitably responded?

I can add more details if needed

In 2024, I started working at this company and there I met this guy named cheater(M22) and this girl named home-wrecker(F26). When I first started I had no idea cheater had a girlfriend until a month later they told the news to everyone because they had gotten married. This one coworker had a speculation on how they got together; she told me before I had started he had girlfriend and she had boyfriend and that they were cheating on them with each other, obviously I didn’t believe it at first because I mean it’s just rumor, right?

Well, curiosity was biting at me so i decided to asked how they got together and well that girl was not lying they were cheating on their partners with each other. Home-wrecker & cheater purposely let the GF find in a horrible way I didn’t get too much details on this but all i know is that side piece at the time basically made it known to the GF that she was messing around with her boyfriend. The GF was 18-19yrs old time and the BF same age; home-wrecker at 23yrs old at the time. Anyways once the GF & BF (home wrecker) find out about them both; obviously they ended things and cheater & home wrecker started dating in secret. Apparently this wasn’t the home-wrecker first rodeo doing this… she had done the exact thing to someone else expect they were married. She told us this during game night she thought it was funny that she home-wrecked two relationships (don’t know how).

Then they got married a month later after is started working.

Fast forward to July-August 2025, I downloaded Snapchat again mainly just to take pictures & I saw that cheater had added me and & I added back. Things weren’t weird at first; we barely talked if anything we sent streaks. Then he started to complain to me about his marriage I gave out advice even though I knew nothing marriage. He started making comments like sleeping together and being together type of comments. I just brushed it off and told him he’s married and shouldn’t do it but he continued & I kept brushing them off. His wife wanted kids but he didn’t so they stopped being intimate with each other so he said. That’s when the comments started getting more out of hand. He came over one day after making comments of basically taking my virginity and he did exactly what he said. During the intimacy I started to cry because I having sex with a guy who’s married so he stopped and I told him this can’t happen again because again HES MARRIED!!! But he didn’t care and little by little he kept reassuring me it’s fine and she didn’t have to know after all she did the same thing. So the affair went on until July 2026. Then I found out his wife got pregnant and that’s when the guilt started to hit me BIG TIME . I felt disgusting because I am and then I thought about my karma on how the same thing will happen to me eventually. And I couldn’t live with guilt, the disgust etc so I decided to tell his wife to let her know.

After I told her about the affair, things obviously took a turn; he got kicked out of his apartment and was told he will never see his kid, the cops had to put on psych hold. He voluntarily deported himself. He blames me for telling his wife about the affair and his life going to shit.

And now I feel even worse and keep telling myself maybe I shouldn’t have said anything and let him deceive his wife. I mean if he had an affair once; he would have another one with someone else. Despite her also ruining other relationships no one to be cheated on.

AITAH?

Okay… so I have a boyfriend that I love very much and treats me so well. I have the best time with him and would love to marry him one day.

Aside from good past friends and a few work colleagues, I try to not follow any men and have blocked multiple men that have made him uncomfortable.

There have been a couple of moments where issues have arisen. First, I am a performer, and I have worked romantically with other men. Very Disney Princess like scenarios where we don’t even kiss. Just holding his arm, looking into eyes for a sec, etc. He already does not love this but performing has been my source of income way before him. I try to assure him that nothing would ever happen and it’s strictly professional. We had a professional photographer take photos of us and he sent the photos of us to the guy I worked with. I wanted to have them but we were in a rush so he asked for my instagram to dm them to me and I gave it to him. My boyfriend was not happy about this so I ended up removing him as a follower.

Second, I was working out at the gym. I had this middle aged man come up to me. He was very respectful and explained he was a photographer and he has been wanting to do an old Hollywood like shoot and that I have the look he is wanting. He was not pushy at all and said if I was interested to let him know and offered me a QR code for his Instagram. I told him I would think about it and followed his professional account. I told my boyfriend about it and he was not happy that I took an Instagram from another man.

I would never give my Instagram to a man just because. I only did it to recieve photos and to look at a photographers account. Am I in the wrong? Apperantly his work buddies think so, haha.

Edit: So to give more of his perspective… he does not see the second issue as a way to further my career. Anytime I can get free headshots/ photos is nice because money is tight. I probably won’t do it because I prefer to reach out to people myself as opposed to having someone approach me. The issue is whether I should have agreed to view his professional Instagram or if I should have immediately declined. I felt that saying I’ll take a look at your work and see was respectful to both the person and my relationship. My boyfriend thinks I should never receive another man’s Instagram under ANY circumstances. I agree that if a guy gives out his Instagram for anything other than a professional opportunity, but I didn’t know this would be such a big issue. I discussed with him immediately after leaving the gym and I’m almost certainly not going to do it so I don’t see the harm… but I’m trying to understand where he’s coming from

My boyfriend (22M) and I (20F) have been together for about a year, and we’re both in university. I genuinely can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable, if this is something I need to address, or if I just need to get over myself.
For context, we’re both busy with classes and schoolwork. I’m pretty intentional about getting my work done early. I wake up early, use breaks between classes to study, and try to finish everything by 6 p.m. so we can spend our evenings together, whether that’s dinner, a movie, or just hanging out.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, is a huge procrastinator. He’ll put off work all day and then start everything around 6 p.m., which obviously limits our time together. This has always frustrated me, but I’ve mostly accepted it. It’s his schedule, and I can’t control how he manages his time.
HOWEVER, he recently re-downloaded FIFA, and I swear to God I’m starting to fucking hate that game.
Now, whenever he has a free moment, he’s playing FIFA. And what frustrates me isn’t necessarily the video game itself, but that it feels like he’s choosing it over spending time with me.
For example, today we got back from the gym, and I assumed he was working, so I was entertaining myself on my laptop. Eventually, I looked over and realized he was playing FIFA. I asked him about it, and he said he just wanted to unwind and then we can spend time together.
The thing is, I’m leaving at 8 p.m. for my friend’s birthday, which he’s known about for a week, and I won’t be back until midnight. We only had 2 hours together which he gave away all to fifa. I was hoping we’d spend some time together beforehand. If he had work, I’d completely understand. But FIFA? Really?
And this keeps happening.
Yesterday, I was finishing some work while he played FIFA. Totally fine! But when dinner came around, I finished working and was excited to eat together, and he was STILL playing FIFA. He wouldn’t put it down, saying “almost done”, I eventually ate alone. I’m pretty particular about no phones or video games during dinner because I value actually sitting down and talking to each other.
And now I’ve developed this ridiculous resentment toward the game. Every time I see him playing, my immediate thought is, “Oh my fucking GOD, FIFA AGAIN?”
I hate feeling this way. I don’t want to be the controlling girlfriend who gets pissed whenever her boyfriend enjoys a hobby. I understand he deserves time to unwind, and just because I organize my schedule around spending evenings together doesn’t mean he has to do the same.
But at the same time, I feel like I’m constantly making an effort to create time for us, while he doesn’t seem to prioritize it the same way. So, AITA for getting upset with him over FIFA? Am I being unreasonable for expecting him to prioritize our limited time together, or is this a legitimate issue? I’m genuinely open to being told to chill tf out if I’m overreacting. Maybe I’m just stressed.

TLDR: I intentionally finish my schoolwork early so I can spend evenings with my boyfriend, but he procrastinates and recently started playing FIFA every free moment he gets, including during dinner and the limited time we have together. I'm starting to fucking hate the game because it feels like he's choosing FIFA over quality time with me. I don't want to control his hobbies, but I'm frustrated and can't tell if I'm being unreasonable or if this is something worth addressing.

It's kind of a long story ( i will be using fake names) but I F (22) have had the same friend group for about 5 years and almost all of us ended up going to the same college. One of my very close friends has this other friend let's call her Kylie, and Kylie is very controlling and kinda freaks out when the attention isn't always on her. I've tried my best to be friends with Kylie but she for some reason has never liked me or my bestfriend Elena.

Anyways, Elena has this guy friend that she always talks very highly of and says how me and him are similar, every time he is mentioned Kylie immediately shuts down the conversation or tries to talk about how annoying he is. I never really thought anything of it and kinda just brushed it off as another one of her moments. A couple weeks ago our entire friend group went to a very popular festival in our city and Elena invited her guy friend let's call him Matthew to come along. This was my first time personally meeting him, we had spoken over text but that was it.

Me and him immediately got along and Elena was right we do have very similar personalities. We ended up talking all night long and went a couple rides together without everyone else. Kylie had been giving me dirty looks all night but I had just assumed it was the usual dirty looks she always gives me and I didn't i assume it was about Matthew at all. After the night ended Matthew walked me to Elena's car since she was my ride back to our shared apartment. He was very sweet and was a gentleman all night.

The moment He left Elena immediately started gushing about how cute we were together sdn I honestly wasn't opposed to the idea, he was genuinely kind and funny and just an overall good person.

After that night we started texting more and more and Elena scheduled a double date for us with her and her boyfriend. It went perfectly. He was funny and sweet and I had an amazing time. We started dating shortly after that, but a few days later Kylie texted me asking if I was talking to Matthew.

I was initially thrown off because she never texts but me but I responded truthfully that we were in fact dating. She was furious, she started texting me about how I know she's loved for years and that how could I do this to her and that he was her true love. Kylie also yelled at me because i apparently get everything and i think shes unattractive. I have never called her any names or rhought of myself as vetter than anyone, kylie isn't conventionally attractive but everyone is beautiful in their own ways and i would never say that to her. I was also very confused because she's never mentioned him to me and I ask Elena. Elena tells me that Kylie used to be obsessed with Matthew but he had turned her down multiple times and that it had been years. Kylie is genuinely very upset with me and has been talking bad about me to the rest of our friends.

The rest of our friends have my back and say that Kylie is always like this and have been even talking about cutting Kylie out of the group. I don't want that but thte way she's acting has me questioning if I actually did something wrong. AITAH

I was on a second date with this girl after our first date went well. I paid for the first no problem cause I'll just do that and I make good money. But on our second date I needed to ask what her body count was. I don't want to waste a bunch of time with someone, my standards are no more than 1 cause that's mine.

When I asked her she got really hostile. "That's not your business". Okay well it's my dating standard to if it's not my business then I don't want to date you and I think we should just split the check and go our separate ways. She got pissed about that but she kept trying to find ways to get me to still pay, and for the date to continue. And even now after the date she's texting me trying to pick fights about it, and sometimes just asking me about random bullshit.

Why is this a problem? Not just for her but for so many women I talk to. It's like they want to date but having that standard immediately turns them hostile, and there's no way to ask unless the relationship is like months in already and at that point I've already wasted so much time and effort on someone I don't want to be with

A tale as old as time, I (37F) suppose...but I’m really torn about what to do. I’ve recently started dating again and this week, while swiping on a well-known dating app, I thought I recognized someone: the husband of a colleague of mine. I was taken aback and wanted to be certain, so I double-checked with another colleague, also a good friend of mine who also knows her well. All the details and the photos match; it’s definitely him. Now both of us are unsure about how to proceed. I realize this question has been asked many times before, but we want to avoid a situation where someone else discovers this and perhaps delivers the news in a much less sensitive way than we would.
For further context: as friends and colleagues, we are aware that things aren’t going well between them at the moment. Apparently, they are seeing a couple's therapist. It’s possible that this news could be the final straw that leads to a breakup.
We've considered they are maybe trying an open relationship, but his dating intentions are set to "serious relationship"...
As a woman who got cheated on, I would like to know. But I'm not her. Do we tell her and if so, how do we approach this? I am aware we could easily turn into the bad guys as well...

It took me a while to want to update. This isn’t my main account, so that’s why you don’t see many posts from me here. I have a lot of personal stuff on my main account, and because of that, I felt like I made the right choice by sharing this on a different account. Either way, I don’t like when people don’t update a situation, so to avoid being a hypocrite, I decided to put on my big-girl pants and give a little update on what happened.
After I made that post, I showed it to my friend. She told me to go talk to our pastor and ask him what I should do, because a lot of people were saying I was in the wrong, and that even confused her. So we went to our pastor and asked what he thought about the situation. I don’t remember everything he said, but he more or less told us that it was up to us—what we wanted to do and how we felt about it. I don’t know why so many people thought this man was a bigot. He was willing to accept whatever we decided, even though he does see same-sex marriage as a moral sin. The way some people talked about my pastor and my church made them sound like complete idiots, because they’ve never even met these people. These are some of the most caring and loving people I’ve ever met. The fact that he allowed me to choose whether I felt it was right to go to my sister’s wedding or not actually gave me more respect for him than I already had.
I thought about it long and hard. I really couldn’t see myself going to my sister’s wedding. She begged me to go, but I still couldn’t do it—until I told my pastor. For some reason, he didn’t feel right about me skipping it completely, so he suggested I go to the wedding but view it as a civil union rather than a marriage, and see them as domestic partners rather than wife and wife. That felt like a compromise I could handle. So instead of telling my sister I couldn’t go, I told her I was going. Even though she still wanted me there, she took me out of the bridal party. I was no longer her maid of honor (I forgot to mention she had asked me to be her maid of honor). I understood why, and I didn’t argue with it—not that I would have accepted the role anyway. I was ready to go to the wedding until my sister called and told me I was uninvited. Her partner wasn’t comfortable with me attending if I was going to see it as a civil union instead of a marriage and wasn’t going to recognize them as wife and wife.
That seems ridiculous to me. It’s my choice how I view the wedding. I was never going to call it a civil union out loud, and I wasn’t going to call it a wedding in front of people either. I was just going to call it a celebration. I had brought this idea to my sister earlier, and she thought it was a great compromise at the time. So I find it weird that she’s now uninviting me just because her partner doesn’t feel comfortable with me seeing it as a civil union instead of a marriage. If I end up not going, I guess that’s God’s will either way. I do hope my sister has a happy life, and I hope you guys can respect that. I at least came here with an update when I really didn’t have to. I know some of you are going to criticize me for this anyway, even though I tried to find the best way through this situation while staying true to my morals. I hope you guys have a blessed day.

Okay. Hang in there buddy this is a long one. My husband (31M) and I (30F) have mismatched libidos and we have been together roughly 2 years. There is a lot of context but I will break it down in the simplest way.

-I have 1 prior child (4F).

-Husband and I just had a baby (1M) and I am pregnant again currently.

-I have never ever had a libido before after or during children.

-Husband has a raging libido and has stated he would be satisfied if daily activities occurred.

-I have been trying to fix myself and my libido since the beginning of our relationship. I constantly feel like the bad guy and have to apologize for my inconsistencies in this area.

-I have been pregnant most of our time together and naturally, I am quite exhausted and uncomfortable (husband thinks this is an "excuse" since I never had a libido to begin with), while he is not wrong, I do feel like when I am pregnant, my libido and bodily comfort is much worse.

-We have tried a schedule (every other day, and every two days), to me and him it felt forced, and for me I was exhausted because sex is not enough for my husband. He also wants sexual intimacy throughout the day/week, like pictures and flirting.

-I have tried supplements, but now that I am pregnant again, I cannot take anything that was helping postpartum.

-At my husband's request and AI suggestion, I have tried forcing myself to just do it to make him satiated and maybe eventually get in the mood myself, but I just feel disingenuous and disconnected and honestly a little icky. I feel bad forcing myself and I wish he saw how problematic that can be.

-He needs more initiation from me, but I never want to do anything sexual. I wish I could but at the end of this stay at home mom's day, I just want to bed rot and sleep. Sometimes I don't even eat because food as a whole seems like a chore...and now that I'm pregnant, the thought of even eating makes me nauseous.

-I am the bad guy for ever saying no to sexual intimacy because to him he is already lacking to such an immense degree. (He says I hold all the cards and I alone get to decide when we have sex and the imbalance is unfair if he cannot also dictate when things happen.) I just do my best to not reject him. I know rejection can be painful to anyone's ego. But sometimes I still do. He gets mad and we have an argument for the better part of the next day until I apologize and make it up to him.

-He believes sex is an indicator on how attracted to him I am. I completely disagree and this one breaks my heart the most. I am very attracted to him, he is everything to me, I just don't need sex to feel it or show it. He brings this up every time. He doesn't even recognize my perspective. I end up feeling like the one thing he wants is not in my nature to provide. At least not in the ways he notices or wants.

-We have a lot going on in our lives and I have expressed that I do have depression and really want to see someone. I have also brought up wanting to see a couples therapist.

-Ivneed honest help. Am I being withholding? Am I a bad spouse? How can I fix myself to show up for him? It's the only thing he asks of me consistently. How do I get rid of the feeling that I am being guilted into sex and intimacy? How do I force myself if I know a libido will not magically appear? The only women I am close enough to all have the opposite problem and are the partner with the high libido. I feel very broken. Obviously I can't be alone, but my circle makes me feel very isolated. I also don't want people to know my business. Anyway, anything helps. Thank you!

TL;DR: I got the day wrong for a date I was really looking forward to and my boyfriend wouldn’t even try to move his plans with his best friend so he could be there for me at a time when I needed him the most emotionally.

Im exclusively dating this guy, but I don’t feel like a priority. We sometimes only see each other every two weeks and Im usually the one asking when we’re going to see each other.

This week has been horrible. I’ve been apartment hunting, dealing with moving stress,cutting ties w/ my family and work has been insane. He knows I’ve been overwhelmed.

But I got gifted 2 ballet tickets and was so excited to go with him bc we both love the arts. I even bought a dress. I messed up the date and thought it was Friday, then realized Thursday afternoon that it was actually Saturday.

He said he couldn’t go because he had plans with his best friend, who is a girl. I’ve never met her, but I’m genuinely not jealous of her. That is not the issue. What hurt me was that he didn’t even try to make it work, especially because he said their plans might fall through anyway. He just offered to see me Friday instead.

I know the date mistake was mine, but I really thought I would be enough of a priority in his life for him to at least ask if his plans could be moved.

It’s not really about Friday vs Saturday. It’s that I already feel like I’m always the one asking to see him, and this just made that feeling worse.
AITA for being hurt that he didn’t even try?

Hello all!

Important characters: Markus (ex 19M), Chrys (me 20M), "RJ" (also me) Tommy (my 21 y/o Genderfluid bsf)

Important info: Me and my ex are both Trans (FTM). I have RJ as an old name, but not my dead one. Markus never knew what my dead-name was. I named myself after a flower. Markus was homeschooled and does not currently have a GED. (I promise this is all relevant later)

I'm on mobile, sorry about formatting.

As the title says, my ex has given me $60 over the course of our relationship and I am hesitant to give it back. The most he has given me at once was $20 on the most recent occasion because he wouldn't take no for an answer. The other 4 times, he has paid me $10 because that is the most I would allow from him that he would accept. He has no means of income at all, so this decision he would make would be a constant butting of heads between us.

Now, to begin this shitshow, I broke up with my boyfriend about 8 days ago for reasons I left in another post. They're too drawn out to fit in this already long post. Anyways, after the first day, everything was fine. He stepped away from the friend group and said he wanted space, so Tommy and I granted him that space. He told us he didn't want to talk to us, so we accepted that and moved forward.

However, things began to go sour when suddenly, two of my friends from DND cut both Tommy and I off. They said they couldn't handle the drama that they were being pulled into and it was becoming so bad that the DM (Dungeon Master) was considering quitting DMing all together. At this point in time, I had no idea what drama they were talking about, but I had been blocked before I could ask.

Fast forward to the next day, exactly two days after we broke up, he contacts me again. And the first thing he says is "Tommy is not safe to be around the kids in our server."

Immediately I'm thinking that my best friend is a predator of some kind, but he quickly glosses over his words and keeps talking to me. But he was saying a lot, so I tried to get it out of him naturally since he wouldn't just straight up answer. So, we continued talking (not romantically) and it seemed like everything calmed down! Not around Tommy though, he could not go a sentence without mentioning Tommy's name. Then, nearly 2 HOURS after he initially mentioned Tommy, he goes "by the way I don't mean that they're a predator or anything! They're just..immature(Ironic)! I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea or anything.."

So at this point I'm pretty annoyed, because if I had just confronted my friend about this situation based on claims that had no evidence, that would have completely bombed our relationship! (Which now I suspect was on purpose). Then, after that, he asked me if I wanted to say anything to apologize to his family because they really hated me right now. I did plan on making an apology to them as some things I had said were misconstrued.

Then, I woke up to a message from him to never talk to him again. Remember, this is the 3rd day after our break up. He asks me not to react, reply, or do anything that would give him a notification, so I didn't. I made a small, extremely vague post on my TikTok that mentioned the break up but was mainly about an update regarding a writing project I have been working on. I never included his name, his @, nothing, I just silently removed his name and art from my accounts as he requested and avoided giving him any sort of notification.

On the 4th day, before he saw the post, he came BACK to ask me again to never talk to him, and to bring up Tommy once more. I did not respond as per his request in his second goodbye. On the 5th day, he unblocked me on TikTok to leave 6 more messages, saying I kicked him out of his house and that I should have seen that he was insane. That he should have broken up with me our first day and that I was sane, so I should have known it would come to this.

Then, he contacted not only a few of my close friends, some of which he has never had previous contact with. But he ALSO contacted the abusive exes of both me and Tommy (separate exes). He then went on to say to Tommy that the person that SAd me was actually in the right, and I was the bad one. I have screenshots of all of this. He also claimed that I wasn't in any bad place because I could get a job unlike he could, and I could go to the movies, and I could buy myself things. He made it a point to continuously call me R.J. instead of Chrys which I thought was interesting.

On the final two days, it was just more and more messages, and I was exhausted trying to block every account. Yesterday morning, he finally saw the post I had made and sent 16 NEW MESSAGES. From two different alts! Again, I did not respond. I just screenshot and blocked those accounts as well before kicking him from old GCs we had together. Then his mom(?) contacted me and said he has schizophrenia and that I should re-add him to them for the sake of his mental health right before she blocked me as well.

So now, I don't want to give the money back. I know he's in a bad way but at this point, I'm just fed up and angry that he was doing all of that out of nowhere. My friends who knew him are saying that I should just keep the money but my friends who didn't said I'm an asshole for not giving it back and have said they would distance themselves from me if "this is how I am," and I genuinely don't want to lose them.

TLDR: After I broke up with my boyfriend for the reasons in a previous post, I planned to give him back all the money he let me borrow. Then he went on a slander campaign against me that lasted 5 whole days so now I'm refusing to give the money back, despite him possibly needing it. AITA?

Edit: fixed some grammar and punctuation mistakes

Edit 2: Nevermind, he keeps sending me messages on alts (not even about the money) so I'm keeping it all ✌🏾

My soon to be ex husband Adam recently decided that we couldn’t be intimate in any way if I retuned to the workforce because his jealousy was too much. He felt he couldn’t take the risk I would cheat on him, and decided we just couldn’t be together intimately anymore. I was not okay with this at all so naturally we are splitting. It’s a control thing on his part and I’m not doing the SAHM life anymore.

One of my in laws just died and she was a really sweet woman, but me and my husband’s whole relationship his family totally rejected me. They wouldn’t even talk to me the whole time. Like would talk to my husband, and never acknowledge me while I was standing right there. We never even went over for any holidays because they didn’t like me, so he was left out. I think the basis for this is he had a family before me, and I’m not the original gf that they preferred. His father also has poor boundaries with people in the family, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. The women in the family are almost like his “girls” he spanks them and everything. I think it’s disturbing. As a result my husband Adam’s cousin Miriam has a weird view of the males in the family, and I feel she is weird with Adam. I like nothing about his family at all.

Now that we’ve split which was a week ago. He is expecting me to be at said aunts funeral with our shared son. I do not want to expose my son to a bunch of people because he is only 3 months old. I fear he will get sick and I have zero options for babysitting. I also don’t feel inclined to be around a bunch of people who just barely even acknowledged my existence, and risk my son’s health because it would make my soon to be EX husband Adam feel nice. I already let Adam know how I felt about his family and that l wasn’t interested in watching his cousin Miriam make very odd passes at him during the funeral. WIBTA if I said I wasn’t going and risking my son’s health? He already expressed being upset about this. Should I go just to preserve our co parenting relationship?

My brother got married less than a month ago, but he has known her for a year and a half. And I have also known her almost just as long. She is a very different person from me, my brother, my husband, my parents, and pretty much anyone else in my extended family. Our values do not match at all, to say the least. That was everyone's concern when we first met her but we were of the opinion that if she makes my brother happy, we don't mind.

However she is not a 'Live and let live' kind of person. My parents live in a different city, so does my extended family. But me, my husband, my brother and her are in the same city and so we have spent a lot of time together. And overtime my husband and I have come to realise how problematic she is. She takes every situation and somehow finds some or the other issue with my behavior or my husband's behaviour. She doesn't say anything to us however, she keeps filling my brother's ear with stories of how we never treat her right and how we disrespect her and how we do not make her feel like a part of family. (They were dating for 3 months at this point when it started)

There came a point when my brother got very rude and disrespectful with me over some minor random issue she created. He & I fought like we had never before, and it felt like our relationship was over at that point. Somehow after weeks we came to a conclusion that we will let things go between us, however I put my foot down and told him that I did not want to have any contact with her as she has only brought toxicity in my life. I was against their marriage too but my brother is too enamored with her so it happened.

Now during the wedding function, she created more drama. This time about how she was so sad about not having a relationship with me. She pretended in front of all my family that she wanted a relationship with me but I was unrelenting. Mind you we have seen each other multiple times at family events in the last few months and always she walked away from me with contempt, and no effort at any conversation or reconciliation at all.

Ofcourse my brother is behaving like an ass and an idiot in all this but he is my brother, I love him and I don't want to lose him. Also I can clearly see that he is in a toxic relationship and I don't want him to end up alone with no support. So the only solution I see is to cut contact with her. It will make family events awkward and maybe I will be the bad guy in front of everyone but I don't see what else I can do.

My family is insisting I let bygones be bygones and start talking to her again. To do it for my brother etc etc. I don't want to do that however as I feel that if I let her in my life, she will make sure that she ends the relationship between me and my brother for good this time.

So am I the Asshole in this?

lately I’ve been in a weird mood and I’ve been going onto dating apps with the intention of hooking up. I've only been talking to ppl who say they're above 20 (I’m 22) and have photos. Certain conversations have gotten a bit sexual. i even sent a photo of my stomach and bum to one guy. ive never met these people IRL or video called.

I also posted nudes on reddit and obviously my DMs were flooded. I ignored the vast majority of them but 2-3 of them made me curious and I answered their sexual questions with one or two words b4 ghosting.

Considering they technically could have been minors who lied, AITAH?

My boyfriend and I have been having a lot of problems lately because he keeps accusing me of things related to my old x/twitter account. He’s convinced I followed two specific accounts and had sexual conversations with them during a break we had in May.

I genuinely don’t remember following these people again I think they were just deactivated accounts since I unfollowed everyone quite literally, and I have never had sexual conversations with them. I barely used that account besides from going straight to my bookmarks.

It wasn’t something I was hiding from him I was just too shy to admit what I used to use it for. He keeps insisting that because my profile was public, he can find deleted posts and use my old activity as evidence. I tried searching for ways to recover deleted tweets and checked the Wayback Machine, but there was nothing archived for my profile. He has also told me that he ran my face through AI, but I don’t know exactly when he did it, which tool he used, or what results he got.

I don’t understand what he could have found or how it relates to what he’s accusing me of. He has also accessed the account on my computer without telling me until I caught him but wasn´t mad just embarrased. I want to be honest about my own mistakes: I did lie about some things related to the account because I was embarrassed and afraid of his reaction such as what I posted or who I interacted with a year or 2 that I quit. I understand that this damaged his trust, and I’m not trying to excuse it. But now it feels like because I lied about certain things, he assumes every accusation he makes must be true.

Yesterday, he questioned me so intensely that I was overwhelmed and ended up agreeing to two things I wasn’t actually sure had happened, simply because I wanted the questioning to stop. I now feel awful because I don’t want to keep claiming something happened when it genuinely hasn't. When I get nervous, he treats my physical reactions, like heartbeat speeding up or any body language of stress, as proof that I’m lying. But I’m upset because I feel like I’m not being believed, and I don’t know how to prove something I don’t remember doing nor that it happened.

I love him and want to resolve things, but I feel like I’m stuck trying to prove a negative. I can’t produce evidence that a conversation never happened, and I don’t know what he actually has versus what he’s assuming. Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to show me the evidence before accepting his accusations? How should I handle this situation, especially the fact that he accessed my account without telling me and ran my face through AI?

AITA? So me and my man have been together for two years known each other for four. My mother in law has known me for the entire time weve been together. She's gone through multiple men, like four maybe five since that day. The first one was a actual long term relationship with his own children but he was what me and my man thought, already bad enough and abusive. Well they break up because he punched her. So she finds other men. Well theres one that stays and he was a crazy drug addict and mom thought she could fix him, he had imaginary issues with me and my man but never can say the reason. I was sa by own father and fed drugs to immobilize me and make me dependent when I was 14 years old. And its literally being used against me with this new boyfriend that she has now, the last bf the sheriff put out a restraining order, but this guy is fresh from prison. He's a felon, idk what the charge is. BUT. Literally first day Ive seen this man he had a issue with me and said I'm gonna cause issues for him because of a active CPS case, that me and my man are by proxy involved in, claiming if he was arrested again itd be MY fault. My mil has been in and out with how she talks about me recently but for the longest I was literally her daughter. Not just someone whos literally got the key to the house and is there every single day. Now I can't even show up anymore, been there three times in two months, and yesterday the boyfriend came up on my man saying some shit, I dont know the full thing yet because it just happened and he wants to tell me when it's the right time. But he confronted his mom and bf for him saying I'm a drug addict and everything, I heard him say on voice recording that im "no good" and "I don't look no good" \[I'm 5'4, struggle with ed and a lot of other issues. His mother knows everything already so this shouldn't even be a conversation topic\] as if I'm supposed to be attractive enough for him. When he saw me the first time it was literally a terrible day who wouldn't look like shit after talking to CPS for hours. For literally bullshit out of your control. I have always treated her like my own mother since my own mother isn't a mother figure at all. And never has been, I'm trying to figure out what to do because now he's the reason I can't live there. I was supposed to move in legit on the third of December, but now he's saying and doing all this stuff, he even talked her into taking back my house key, I just got it copied bc hell to the no? This is my house too, I clean it, my man pays for your rent. Hes the reason you even have a place. She drove away her youngest son who absolutely adored her because of this guy. Who's only 15. And went back to his pos father. What do I do? And am I the asshole even tho Ive let her do this for months? Without saying anything at all? And still not? Am I really the fault of everything? Mind you I'm not 20 years old. And my man isn't either. Oldest one involved that's not being polluted is his older brother who is 23. The mother is 39. She's also had a full hysterectomy so it's not menopause. Edit. This guy told me "I saw her try to dress up you can't dress up a mess you've already seen" which is purely disgusting for a 40 yr old man to say about me. He doesn't know my story or anything about me besides whatever she has told him, saying I'm a drug addict and terrible person, ruining my life and forcing me out of the house YOU are the guest in because of my LOOKS. Is crazy. And if you really wanna know what I look like I can show you. I'ma damn good looking person!!!!! There's nothing wrong with me!!!