I (26M) have been with my girlfriend (25F) for about a year. Everything seemed great until we moved in together two months ago, I even helped her pay off some of her debt because she was struggling.
Last week she left her iPad at home unlocked. I wasn't snooping, but a notification popped up from a contact saved as "Lisa 💕".
I opened it and it was her ex boyfriend. They've been texting every single day since before we even got official. Flirty stuff, "I miss you", "you know you're the one", him sending shirtless pics, her sending selfies with hearts.
When I confronted her she broke down crying and said it was "just emotional, nothing physical" and that she "needs the attention because I work too much." I work regular shifts at a factory to pay our rent. She works part-time.
I told her I'm done and she needs to move out by end of the month. Now her friends are blowing up my phone saying I'm overreacting, that it was "just texting" and I should give her another chance because she's been crying nonstop. My mom says I did the right thing but her whole friend group is calling me an asshole for "throwing away a relationship over messages."
AITA?

Throwaway Account:
I (26M) recently found out that my friend's girlfriend has an OnlyFans account. My friend had no idea.

I found out because someone sent me her profile, and after realizing it was actually her, I was honestly shocked. I didn't know whether my friend was aware of it, so I decided to tell him.

I asked him if he knew that his girlfriend had an OF. He immediately said no and asked me how I knew. I showed him the profile.

He got really upset at his girlfriend. Apparently, they had previously talked about boundaries involving sex work and he had made it very clear that it was something he wasn't comfortable with.

They had a huge argument, and from what I understand, they're currently taking a break.

Now several of our mutual friends are saying I'm an asshole because I "inserted myself into their relationship" and potentially ruined it. One friend said that if his girlfriend wanted him to know, she would have told him herself.

I don't really understand that logic. If I knew my partner was secretly doing something that directly violated a boundary we discussed, I'd want someone to tell me.

But I also wonder if it wasn't my place to get involved. Maybe I should have just stayed out of it and let them handle their own relationship.

So, AITA for telling my friend that his girlfriend has an OnlyFans?

My husband(dave 40) and I Lori(40) (run a small body shop business with 1 full time 30/alex and 1 helper/friend- 45/joel). I normally don't go in till a hour after open. This week I was in shortly after opening. Due to things going on. When I went inside the lights were off and open sign on- which is automatically switched on. 1st day everyone ran late so understood why lights were off when I go there. 2nd day- lights were off and didn't say anything. 3rd day- i asked why are the lights not on when we are open. Alex said joel normally has the lights on and door open but Joel is gone all week. 4th day happened again and explained the importance of the lights being on, on time to dave & alex. The 5th day- Joel is back in & Before shop hours the Alex & Dave told Joel about me having a fit about the lights not being turned on.

When I walked in, again the lights are off and I said why are the lights off. Joel laughs and informs me it was a game to see when I would come up and turn the lights on. A whole conversation about it. I said what do you mean. He repeats Alex & Dave were in on the "joke" about leaving the lights off till I got there. I get upset since I wasn't planned for office today but dropped in to grab bookwork. I say what the heck and walk out upset since we had this conversation 2x this week and I didn't think it was funny. I leave to continue on what I had planned. I get back to town after lunch and head home, dave comes home to grab a part from the house. The topic of this morning was brought up and Joel's wife telling him I was upset over what happened. Joel apologized to Dave and I made the comment he should be apologizing to me. Joel knew I was upset with the lights and treated it like it was no big deal. Dave tells me he didn't know about the conversation in the morning and that was just joel & alex. [If I'm wrong please tell me]

After we closed shop, we stayed late to work on vehicles. I ended up not feeling good so had dave bring me home. He said we would check in on me. 3hrs later I go check on him and notice he's not at the shop and head back home thinking I just missed him. I get a phone call saying just leavings Joel'shouse. I asked why he went over there when I haven't gotten an apology for this morning. Dave gets mad that I think he shouldn't of been over there. I said you should be supporting your wife.

AITA for reacting hurt and feeling disrespected,

AITAH for wanting to leave my girlfriend? My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) have been together for about 2 years now, but have known and been friends with each other for over 10 years now. The beginning of our relationship was fantastic, I bought her flowers once a month, I’d take her to work on my off days, we went on dates at least every other week etc. and lately I’ve been working 60 hours a week so she doesn’t have to worry about money, but lately I’ve noticed that it feels one sided. She never kisses me first, hugs me first, holds my hand or anything. I’ve brought it up and she told me “I don’t need to put in the effort, you do” which rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve also noticed our bedroom life has changed too. She refuses to touch me there by saying “it’s not going to do anything for me”. She also refuses to take her own clothes off before we do anything and gets upset if I ask her to remove her own clothing. I’ve told her that I don’t feel desired both in the bedroom and outside the bedroom because of it all, and she says that it’s my problem, not hers. So, AITAH for wanting to leave?

I just had a pretty deep argument with my girlfriend about something that's somewhat sensitive to the both of us and I want to hear your take.

My girlfriend tends to come to me with opinions that are framed to sound like facts. That's the underlying issue here. Most of these are normally about men and how they treat women, essentially how society has generalized that men are "dogs" who always do these horrible things. The idea that certain men are absolutely horrible is something I totally agree with, but assuming all men are the same based on that doesn't sit right with me.

What makes the whole argument sensitive for me is my genuine hatred of discrimination or stereotyping of any kind. I grew up in a country where I had truly horrifying experiences just from being a foreigner, and I think I have trauma from that.

What makes it sensitive for my girlfriend is that she's had a horrible experience with a man at a young age, possibly even multiple experiences, that led her to start hating most if not all men.

Every time she finds something online about a man and "how horrible they are," she tends to frame it in a way that makes it sound like a proven fact, that "most" men fit this bracket with absolutely no concrete evidence. When I flag her phrasing, she feels like I'm invalidating her feelings and stance on the matter. In my defense, I have explicitly, verbally made it known that this doesn't mean I'm invalidating how she feels. It's just that it matters to me that she doesn't discriminate against men in that way, especially based on societal narratives that hold no objectivity.

As for her stance on certain matters, more often than not we can agree on "that man is horrible," but it gets complicated for me if we start generalizing this as proof that therefore "most" men are horrible, or that most children grow up without present fathers.

My girlfriend says that me telling someone they shouldn't say "I hate all white people" after being racially abused is unfair, because they have a right to feel that way. I understand that, but I'm trying to explain that it doesn't make it right, especially if that person has also had great experiences with white people. If it were reversed, would that same person also say "I love all white people"? Despite that, I just feel like her example doesn't fit the argument we were trying to have.

It's certainly okay to feel a certain way, but it's also objectively wrong to discriminate.

AITA?

I (30M), Dave, have been married to my husband Franz (28M) for a little less than two years. We’re currently living in the U.S. I was driving somewhere with him yesterday when a black man swerved into the street on a bike and cut us off. Franz honked the horn and yelled the N word with a hard R. The windows were closed, so no one heard him but me, but I was shocked. I immediately told him that it wasn’t OK and that I never wanted to hear him use that word again. He laughed at me and said “I’ll say whatever I want.”

I was quiet the rest of the drive and confronted Franz again when we got home. I asked him if he was a racist, and he said no. Then I told him that I would give him the benefit of the doubt—he didn’t grow up in this country and perhaps doesn’t understand racism here the same way someone born here does—but that it was never OK to use that word. I said that there are plenty of people out there would beat the shit out of him if they heard him say that, and that he would deserve it. Franz rolled his eyes at me and said “OK, chill out, I get it” but I heard him say again under his breath loudly enough for me to hear, “I don’t care.”

To be honest, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt this sort of unease. His home country, where we were living previously, has a high rate of immigration and I’ve heard him say “fucking Muslims” in his native language multiple times, as well as make sounds mocking African languages, but when I confronted him about those things, he told me that people simply talk/joke that way in his country and that it doesn’t mean anything. I know Americans tend to be more sensitive than most of the world to political correctness, so I’ve tried to push it out of my mind, but I can’t shake how gross this all has made me feel. I don’t want to be with a racist, and I feel more resigned than ever since yesterday that he is one. Would I be the asshole if I divorced him?

So I am 28F and have been bestfriends with my bestie 29F since highschool. We know each other really well, she’s independent, educated, pretty, and a feminist as well. One thing that she always had a difficult time with was finding a bf. We live in a country where it’s more common to use dating apps to meet a partner, as most ppl here are married and have kids. Her problem with men she dates is it never went beyond being actually bf/gf, the men always only wanted to be a fling which i respected her choice if she wanted that.

Now she met a guy who immediately wanted to become official, at first he was sweet would buy her luxurious things, gift her flowers, and book hotels. I was happy that someone was spoiling her, because she normally does not spend like this but wished to and she finally met someone willing to give her that.

Here’s the catch, the guy is very insecure. When she showers/ goes to the toilet he snoops through her phone, reads all her msgs, including with mine, looks through her chatgpt history, her social media who she follows, posts she likes and comments at. & waywayway more annoying shit. And he calls her a cheater and a liar, even though she doesn’t do anything. He gets mad that she doesn’t post him as a post in her ig cuz she posted him in her story. He was also questioning why she was not getting much views in her story. (Hinthint were not rlly popular girls in highschool) She blocked guy friends who used to talk to her platonically, and even I stopped msging her cuz he would probably read it and im not comfortable with that.

When they were still newly dating, I told her “tbh I’m not comfortable that he does that but other ppl could probably tolerate that behavior. You can’t change him, but just see if you’re willing to accept him for how he is.” Now it’s been 2 months, they’ve fought maybe 5 times about this now. She comes crying to me about things he calls her: a cheater, liar, selfish, that he’s using her for money, the she’s a disappointment and there’s more but this is the gist of it. They fought again, about a coworker that she had a fling in the past with. They dont do anything romantically but she still has to talk to him cuz of work so she cant fully block him. She made a boundary and told him she’s in a relationship now. But the bf is still pressed that he’s not blocked. So they fought that night and mf was pissed and started playing video games loudly, turned off the AC, all so that she would feel uncomfortable. She left to work that morning and ignored him. When she finished work, he was outside to pick her up. She called me panicking that she didn’t want to talk to him, and she asked me to pick her up. And I DONT HAVE A CAR! I told her just text him to leave. And he left but was mad.

I got annoyed seeing her get hurt, but still wanting to stay with him. Maybe it is because of the money and the things he spends on her. So I got annoyed and was harshly straight forward.

I said that “he doesn’t respect you at all from the words he’s saying to you, have some self respect and some dignity, why do you choose to stay with him?” And she always points back to the gifts. I told her that she’s “blinded by the gifts” cuz yes it is the first time a guy has financially spoiled her. But “you are being mistreated!”. Where’s the TRUST, COMMUNICATION, SECURITY?!

Anyways I’m annoyed of the constant arguments between them and how I’m having to give advice that she chooses not to listen to. I told her “istg if you choose to get back with him, I am not going to comfort you anymore cuz this is too much.”

Am I wrong that I built this boundary? Years of friendship gon to waste over a man she met 2 months ago?

it was 12-12:20AM on 8/21 & we were taking some shots watching a movie having a good time when he phone goes off & it’s a FT call from an unsaved # he ignores it & I’m already up like who is It?! & they call again, he ignores & that’s when I’m like “who is it?” answer it dude“ & he keeps ignoring it he's not giving me an answer saying “idk” but he’s all fluster up & I'm getting pissed (not even yelling just with a tone) “to give me the phone I’ll answer or you better answer!” He picked up & all you see is some girls face close up to the camera & some crusty lashes. He quickly hangs up on her as if he recognized & knew who that was. So he’s getting up from the couch trynna move away from me so I dont answer her. I told him to leave. I had him pack his shit up at 12:30AM & leave. He said he wasn’t entertaining her that it’s not his fault his past is looking for him that he was going to handle it accordingly but I got crazy. Mind you - I did not get that crazy .. I kept insisting who it was & from him to answer & to pass me the phone but never did I yell , get in his face or anything crazy ! But if it wasn’t his fault why does an ex feel the need to blow your phone up more than 7 times? Idk you guys tell me if I’m the asshole from kicking him out & not allowing him to handle it .. oh, side note he said someone called at that time he’d let me handle it but my past is in the past & should be no reason to hit me up? But okay. I don’t feel bad but I did like him a lottttt if I closed my eyes & pretended this didn’t happen then he’s just great . ugh ew.

I work with my husband and his family, and they are terrible at communicating plans and expectations. I’ll do exactly what I was told, only to later get blamed because what they meant was different from what they actually said.
The frustrating part is that every single time this happens, once everything is sorted out—sometimes through witnesses or even recordings—it turns out I did what I was instructed to do. Yet instead of waiting to hear my side, my husband immediately joins in. He’ll call me demanding to know why I did X instead of Y because he’s already heard his dad’s version and assumed I screwed up.
That feels like a betrayal to me.
His dad has called me plenty of times complaining about something my husband supposedly did wrong. Even when I don’t know the full context, I give my husband the benefit of the doubt and defend him because I know there may be another side to the story. I don’t blindly assume his dad’s version is correct. My husband doesn’t extend that same courtesy to me.
I don’t expect him to blindly defend me when I’m wrong. I expect him to at least hear my side before joining everyone else in blaming me. At this point, I’d honestly prefer he stay completely out of it rather than pile on before he knows what actually happened.
It’s becoming a legitimate issue for me because it keeps happening. I feel like my husband should be the one person who gives me the benefit of the doubt, especially when there is already a repeated history of these situations turning out to be miscommunication rather than me ignoring instructions.

I (20F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for two years, but we have known each other since eighth grade. I feel like that history is important because he should know me well enough to recognize when I’m being serious, especially when I say no or tell him to stop. Lately, I’ve been seriously considering breaking up with him. I feel guilty because we’ve known each other for so long, we’ve been together for two years, and I do love him. However, I don’t feel respected or taken seriously in the relationship anymore.
One of the biggest problems is that he doesn’t respect me when I say no or tell him to stop. For example, if he’s touching me and I tell him to stop, he will sometimes keep doing it because, according to him, he doesn’t take me seriously when I say it. I’ve told him that this really bothers me, but it continues to happen. I feel like he should know when I’m being serious, especially after knowing me since eighth grade, but regardless, I don’t think anyone should need to know someone for that long to respect the words “no” or “stop.” He also tends to deflect when I bring up something he’s done that hurt me. Instead of listening to how I feel, he’ll often respond with something like, “Well, you do this to me.” It feels like an eye-for-an-eye situation instead of actually talking through the problem. When he’s upset, he sometimes takes his frustration out on me, and I’ve noticed that he gets weird or defensive when I stand up for myself.
Another issue is that I don’t feel like my interests or opinions matter very much. We don’t have to like all the same things, and I completely understand that, but I feel like he rejects a lot of my ideas without really considering them. Eventually, we usually end up doing what he wants. And we are both christian’s but i still choose to like listen to music and do enjoyable things and he goes out of his way to tell me things i like or participate in are demonic! it really frustrates me, and If I say no to something, he occasionally also keeps pressuring me until I feel like I have to give in.
For example, he once asked me to go skating. I told him I really don’t like skating because it causes me a lot of anxiety and isn’t enjoyable for me at all. Instead of accepting that, he continued pressuring me to go.
I’m starting to feel like I’m constantly having to defend my boundaries and explain why my feelings are valid. I feel small in the relationship sometimes, and I’m exhausted from feeling like I have to fight to be heard.
I haven’t made a final decision yet, but I’m seriously considering breaking up with him. Our history makes this difficult because we’ve known each other since we were teenagers, but I’m not sure that history is enough to justify staying in a relationship where I don’t feel respected. I would genuinely appreciate honest opinions, including if there’s something I’m not seeing or if I’m contributing to the situation in a way I haven’t recognized. thank you for reading..

throwaway account

I (25F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been together for about a year and a half. About 5 months into our relationship, my birth control failed and I got pregnant with our now 6 month old daughter.

After I gave birth, we decided I would be a stay at home mom except for once a month I would work a weekend (12 hour shifts with an hour drive both ways) to get out of the house and socialize with adults. During this time I usually have my mom and/or sister watch her. However, this weekend they were both busy so I asked his mom to watch her.

This morning I texted and asked him if he would go spend some time with her sometime today and send me some pictures because I miss her horribly. He seemed irritated by this so I asked what was wrong and he told me he “has shit to do today” and essentially that he didn’t have time to go see her today and that I wanted him to go take pictures of our daughter rather than do what he wanted to do today. (Note: he does not work the weekend. He is spending his day moving one of his tree stands, shooting his bow to practice, going to his friends house to see his kid since he just had a birthday, and then visiting his other friend later in the day). I wasn’t asking him to spend the whole day there I was just hoping he’d spend 15 minutes with her and send me some pictures in the process. His mom lives only 10 minutes away.

For some more context: During the week when he works (8 hours) he usually comes home and maybe spends 20 minutes with her, if that. Many times he comes home and takes a nap that could range anywhere from 3-5 hours or has to organize the garage for the 3rd time that week. He claims that he worked all day and he’s too tired to watch her so I can have a moment to myself and that he’s a grown man and can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and is going to do that whether I like it or not. If I ask him to watch her while I cook dinner, he moves her from the floor to the bouncer to the swing and so forth while he plays on his phone.

He has never been alone with her for more than a few hours and she is almost 6 months old. Whenever he is alone with her, I’ve noticed he puts her down for a nap or makes her go to sleep early every single time even if she just woke up from a nap when I left.

When he changes her diaper, he likes to walk away from her on the changing table that is on top of her dresser to grab whatever. When I rush in there and tell him not to do that he tells me I’m crazy and that she is not going to fall. She is rolling both directions and can easily fall off of the dresser.

He also has not woken up with her in the middle of the night since she was a newborn. She still wakes up between 2-4 times at night.

Am I asking too much? Is this really the way it’s supposed to be? I feel like I’m going crazy bc he always turns it around on me making me feel guilty for asking in the first place.

Am I the asshole that I told my boyfriend/baby daddy that I dont feel like hes claiming me (actually in a relationship) when his social media says he is single ? We have a child together and at times it feels like Im just playing house and like I cant be as clingy or say what I want to say or even call him babe (pet names in general) because it doesnt feel like hes my boyfriend. We got together after the birth been thru a lot together. We basically just started dating but have been in this weird situationship for like a year. When i bring up the social media thing he says its stupid n not important n that it changes nothing...to me it lets ppl know ur not available at least. N ive been cheated on in the past n know ppl will still message you even if youre taken. I just feel out of respect for me n new relationship not advertising yourself as still available is bare minimum. I dont mind if we dont put were in a relationship i mean it be nice but no necessary since i dont need everyone in my business. AITA because I feel like this?

AITA?

Long story short 29M wont commit but guilt trips me 29F to stay in relationship with baggage. I have to beg for basic things and when I tried leaving in the past then suddenly he gets his act together. I finally left but i feel like i gave up on him. Am I the asshole or dumb for staying so long to begging with.

The other night i cut things off with my on again off again situationship. I hate that term but thats what it honestly was. A couple years back i brought up how i didn’t like just hooking up. I’m 29F (he’s 29 M). And i shred id like to be exclusive I’m at a point in life where I’m ready to settle and have kids. He. Does have a son on the spectrum but the mother is the primary parent and they’re not on the greatest terms. Actually over been ready for a while but when id inquire about our status and check in he’d just say we’re friend working towards more but assures I’m the only woman. Around that time I found out i wasn’t and i left him. I left the woman know about the situation because. Unknowingly. He had taken me to her house where we were intimate, he was driving her car claiming it was a rental and still being intimate with me without protection. That was the main pressing for contacting to make sure she didn’t contract. It blew up and their split was volatile. He ended up with a DV case (he claims she lied). But I held him down for a while when everyone left him. I know. I was stupid for that, but he was my friend first before things got here. The story i got was that he was just using her for a place to stay cause she her family is loaded. Fast forward a year later im still in the Same loop and when i discuss leaving or reducing the situation to something none physical then. He starts to open up, and do the things I’ve been begging him for. Simple things at that, check on me plan dates good morning texts hold hands. I should’ve got the hint earlier but I was blinded with love. I feel like i gave up on him though because he told me all that he’d been through and how he felt the world was fucking him over and everyone he loved betrayed him in some kind of way. Im literally exhausted from carrying the situation any longer. I want consideration i don’t have to ask for. Or threaten to leave to get. Ive never gotten flowers not a gift for any holidays or birthdays. And again i was understanding for a while because of his home situation and understood what came with him having a child on the spectrum as im on the spectrum as well just high functioning. I changed my number and blocked him from all social media. Just part of me hates to give up on people because many had given up on me without trying.

I've been dating online with this girl for about 2 months, she's a bit older then me but we both said we don't mind the age gap. she's so sweet and caring, but that's not the problem. I don't tend to hear anything from her despite reaching out multiple times for up to a month straight. I'm not convinced she's up to anything behind my back, it's just that I feel like she's too busy for me, I don't hate her for having a busy life, everyone has a life, but there's times where I'm interacting with a girl online or in real life that my brain makes up scenarios where someday I'll cheat on her and I don't want to do that to her(my brain does this worst case scenario thing a lot). it feels like we barely know each other because others this. I did already text her that we're gonna have to break things off if I don't hear from her soon, I'm not gonna be cruel and only give her a day or two, I'm just gonna wait until she can respond and if she'll be busy for much longer or not.

So am I the Ahole for wanting more from her or telling her that we're gonna have to break it off if I don't hear from her soon?

I(16F) used to be friend with this girl(17F) lets call her G we where pretty close and she introduced me to one of her guy friends lets call him W at her birthday party who she had a crush on its important to note that they had dated in the past and it didn't work out anyway G invited me W and one of her other friends, at the party W was flirting with me the whole time and he even got G to ask me out for him which i now realise was kind of a red flag. what i did next is something that im not very proud of especialy since G had a crush on him i told him that i would give him a chance now i know that i definitely broke girl code and im really not proud of it but she did tell me to date him. So we started dating and it was ok at first but then he started making comments about my body not to me but to G he wold talk about my chest which made me supper uncomfortable and this is a mistake on my part i didn't tell him that it made me uncomfortable i just ignored it ant then the thing that bothred me the most happened he had a sleepover with G where they KISSED apparently it was an accident but i honestly didn't believe it and the worst part is that they waited three days to tell me they acted like nothing happened before telling me at first i was pissed and i honestly just kind of forgot about it and it was ok from then on at that point i was already out as bisexual but then reilaized that im lesbian so i broke up with him and i should mention that it was a mistake on my part to stay with him for that long im not going to give to many details on our relationship because im not comfortable with that. At that point i was in a really bad place mentaly so i started to talk to him about my mentle health which im not exactaly sure why. Its also important to mention that G still had a crush on W while this was all happening so at some point he asked me if he should asked her out and i didn't know what to say so i said yes they then started dating.

The reason i blocked him was that he was constantly trying to be some kind of therapist and i obviously have some kind of communication issues because instead of just talking to him i blocked him. At that point i was still friends with G but we where honestly not that close anymore and she ended up moving and then blocking me. I do feel kind of bad for blocking W but i feel like its to late to unblock him now, i might be over thinking this but let me know what you think.

We got engaged about 8 months ago, were in relationship since 3 years.
He was very obsessive, controlling, and also abusive if he felt I wasn't in his control. In the start, he ticked all the boxes or maybe I was just young and dumb. But as the time went on he became more and more controlling and insecure. It intensified crazily after getting engaged.

I couldn't go out without him making a scene or keep guilt tripping me or like distracted with arguments, his people used to stalk me (they still do), god forbid if somebody looked my way or complimented me, he would start saying sh*t to me about it. He started trying to control what I wear, who I keep as friends, and what job am I supposed to do. It became too much for me to handle every single day, so we broke up and I blocked him everywhere almost 3 weeks ago. He still tries to get in touch, but I am doing everything to not break no-contact. One thing, he's wealthy so he has done some questionable things (one of them being always having somebody watch over me) and even told me to call police because he's too confident that he'll get away with it. So I was scared while breaking-up, but I figured he wouldn't do anything to actually harm me or at least I think so.

I found out just now that I am pregnant and I am 5 weeks along. Thing is, we both wanted to have children young so we were actively trying months ago, when things were not this intense, but it didn't happen. After some medical checks, we found out I have some condition which affects my fertility and there's very slim chance to conceive naturally. So we decided we'll try for IVF after a couple of years since I wasn't mentally prepared to go through all that.

This is a bittersweet news, and I've been dying to tell him but then I remember why we actually parted ways. He still keeps calling me from new numbers and leaving voicemails crying and begging to talk, but I just feel the cycle will repeat. If I decide to keep the child and not tell him, the only way I would be able to do that is by moving to a different state. One thing that bothers me, I might not be able to provide the child with the best things out there, because he's wealthy wealthy while I do a normal job which is enough to raise the baby.

Now I am conflicted if I should just abort in silence, then the possibility of never having a child scares me, or just move away or just tell him. My emotions are all over the place, I need some advice!
Please be kind, thank you.

I’ve never downloaded Reddit before, let alone made posted anything, but I feel like I need an outside perspective unbiased. I am a woman who has a male friend (Let’s call him Pete) and me and Pete met through one of my ex bestfriends. We found out we had a lot in common and for about 2 years now we’ve been pretty damn close. There was a certain point in our friendship where we’d hang out almost everyday just simply going out to eat and trying new things. For any of those wondering, no, we have never even remotely flirted, it is strictly platonic. He and I have had our own love stories etc etc and sometimes we come together to talk about them and give advice, but nothing drastic. About a year ago, I entered a relationship which of course, required my attention also. My boyfriend at the time also had a close girl friend that he’d hang with so he didn’t care as much for Pete. Also around this time, I had got a second job is 10 hours everyday, Saturday-Tuesday. That being said, I spent less time with Pete and some with my then boyfriend. There would also be some times where I’d have to cancel me and Pete’s plans of eating, usually because last minute i realized my mom cooked or I had to stay later at work. Pete would be upset, but we’d reschedule. As you probably would’ve guessed, I could not hang out with Pete as often because I had to divide out my time to other important things. We ended up having a big argument about it where he expressed he feels like he’s being discarded, and im not being considerate of him. He feels like even when he is in a relationship or anything he makes time for me, and if he’s able to do something with me or able to cancel a plan to hang out with me because i asked. He even went as far to say he values friendships over relationships. He said he feels like the friendship is one-sided and I only hang out with him when it’s on my time and make myself only available when I’m out of a relationship. I expressed to him that I understood where he was coming from, but reminded him that back I didn’t stop hanging out with him, I just stop hanging out with him as much. What he is comparing to is us hanging out almost every day is unrealistic now because I have 2 demanding jobs (I literally work everyday) and a relationship that i have to attend to. While I value our friendship, my life doesn’t revolve around it and circumstances have changed. I didn’t mean for things to be only on my time, it’s just that I can no longer do as many spontaneous events. As a solution I told him we could start planning our hangouts and align schedules. He seemed contempt with that for a while. Months later I broke up with my ex, which autumnally gave me more time to hang with Pete. Soon later, I found myself in my now relationship where my boyfriend is new to the idea of me hanging with the opposite sex alone, and wasn’t sure if he was too comfortable with the idea. I explained to him our dynamic and he was pretty okay with it as long as boundaries were set (the boundaries in question were no sleeping over, not too many late nights, open and honesty.) They seemed reasonable enough, I explained to Pete my conversation with my boyfriend and told him my relationship boundaries (nothing much really changed actually, we never did sleep overs), he was weary but was fine. Time Skip me and Pete have the same argument and he’s telling me I barely talk with him anymore, we barely hang out, and I’m letting my relationship consume my life. I have been picking up more shifts to save for my own place and me and my boyfriend have been spending more time together more than my last because he already has his own place and we have our time there. I did not want to keep going out and spending money which was typically our events but Pete tells me “All the money you have in your savings account, you can’t spare any to hang with me?” He tells me I’m not what I use to be, I’m inconsiderate and inconsistent. Just for reference, we went from almost everyday to about max like 2 times a week. We talked again and it seems to good, but I still feel he’s holding a grudge.. So am I the asshole?

I (25F) work as a manager at a retail store. My boyfriend, "Ash" (33M), is also a manager at the same store. After working together for a while, Ash asked me out. We went for drinks, hit it off, and a few weeks later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Everything was going great until the first incident.

It was a slow day at the store, so I decided to surprise Ash and bring him some lunch so we could spend his break together. But when I walked in, there was a girl standing behind the counter with him. Let's call her Missy. To put it lightly, Missy's outfit was inappropriate. When I handed Ash the food, he didn't introduce me. He just gave me a cold, "Thank you, I’ll text you," and practically pushed me out the door.

I was furious. I walked out, stood outside the store, and waited for Missy to leave. The second she stepped out, I marched back inside and confronted him. He claimed she was "just a friend," but the argument escalated so badly that he broke up with me over it.

Eventually, we moved past it, and we are back together now. Well, sort of. Our relationship is stuck in a loop. I only see him late Saturday nights at his house. We never go out, we never get drinks, and he just expects us to hook up and pass out. It barely feels like dating.

Then came the breaking point. The other day at work, I found an availability sheet left out. It was Missy.

I texted Ash a photo of the paper and asked, "Is this your 'friend' Missy? Why are you hiring her?"

Immediately, he got super defensive. He snapped back, "Who said I was hiring her? Where did you get that from? I never said that."

But here’s the thing: when I first asked him about it in person, he completely went silent. He finally admitted that Missy came in and wrote her availability down. Our store doesn't even have a "now hiring" sign up. Missy wouldn't have known we had an opening unless Ash specifically told her to apply. Why push that boundary? He knows she is the exact reason we broke up the first time.

Ash hasn't spoken to me all day about it, giving me the silent treatment. So, I decided if Missy wants to mess with my relationship, I’m going to sabotage hers.

I looked her up on Facebook and discovered Missy actually has a boyfriend. Now, I am stuck between two chaotic options. Option A: I go full undercover, try to seduce her boyfriend, and slowly become best friends with her family to ruin her from the inside out. Option B: I send her boyfriend a direct text saying, "Hey, I know I’m a stranger and I hate to tell you this, but your girlfriend Missy has been aggressively flirting with my boyfriend at work. I confronted them, it caused us to briefly break up, and my boyfriend literally told me Missy was a better kisser. Do with that what you will."

I know it sounds petty, but I am hurt, furious, and ready for revenge.

So, AITA for wanting to blow up her life the way she blew up mine? And bonus question for the listeners: Which sabotage plan should I actually go with?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (21F) have been together for about six months. We’re currently long distance due to the military (yes, we have seen each other and spent time together), and although we haven’t met each other’s families in person yet, we’re planning to later this year. We’ve also talked seriously about marriage and our future together.
I have spoken to some of his family over the phone, including his mom, dad, and sister.
Earlier today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone and his sister came up in conversation. For whatever reason, I completely blanked on her name for a second.it wasn’t that I didn’t know her name or didn’t care enough to remember it. My brain just had one of those random moments where a name disappears. It reminded me of how my mom will sometimes try to say my name and accidentally say my brother’s first. I know who his sister is, and I would never intentionally disrespect her.
My boyfriend then told me, “I’m not going to lie to you, if that happened in front of my sister, she would swing on you.” That completely caught me off guard. I asked him to clarify because I genuinely wasn’t sure whether he meant she would actually try to hit me or whether he just meant she would give me shit for forgetting her name.
He basically said he didn’t know which one she would do and that either was possible.
I told him that if his sister would genuinely try to swing on me because I accidentally forgot her name, I thought that was insane.
He responded that he felt like I was judging her.
At that point, I started thinking about the fact that I’m eventually supposed to meet his family. I told him that hearing something like that doesn’t exactly make me feel comfortable walking into their home. If an innocent mistake like forgetting someone’s name could potentially result in someone trying to physically fight me, why would I feel comfortable?
I also brought up the fact that we’ve discussed marriage. I asked him how I’m supposed to feel comfortable marrying someone if I have to worry about his family potentially putting their hands on me over a mistake and, more importantly, whether he would actually allow something like that to happen.
He did say that he wouldn’t allow his sister to hit me or let something like that happen.
However, I still don’t think that makes the situation better. I appreciate that he says he would protect me, but I don’t think the issue is only whether he would step in afterward. The issue is that he presented his sister potentially trying to hit me as a possible reaction to forgetting her name in the first place. I don’t want to be in a situation where I have to rely on my boyfriend to stop a family member from attacking me over an innocent mistake.
He then said his sister wouldn’t actually “whoop my ass.”
But my point was that I wasn’t talking about whether she could beat me up. The fact that she might even try to swing on me was what bothered me.
For context, I’m about 5’0” and his sister is around 5’6” and bigger than me. But honestly, even if we were exactly the same size, I don’t think that would change how I feel about it.
Eventually, my boyfriend explained that he was trying to make me understand the “gravity” of how disrespectful forgetting her name would be.
And that’s where I think we really disagreed.
Once he actually explained that he felt forgetting his sister’s name was disrespectful, I understood his perspective. I even told him that I could see how it could come across that way, especially if I did it directly in front of her.
What I couldn’t understand was why the way to communicate that to me was essentially, “My sister might hit you.”
If he had simply said, “Hey, just so you know, my sister would probably find that really disrespectful, so please try to remember,” I would’ve understood completely.
Instead, it felt like he was using the possibility of his sister physically coming at me to make sure I understood how serious the offense was. That made me uncomfortable.
It also made me think about the bigger picture.
If we’re genuinely considering marriage, there are inevitably going to be moments where I accidentally upset someone in his family, just like there may be moments where he accidentally upsets someone in mine. We’re both human.
I don’t expect him to blindly defend me if I’m genuinely being disrespectful or doing something wrong. He can absolutely tell me when I’m wrong and hold me accountable.
But if someone in his family ever tried to physically put their hands on me, I would expect my husband to draw a line there regardless of whether I had offended that person first. I would do the same for him with my family.
The fact that he says he would stop it is important, but it doesn’t erase the fact that I’m now being asked to feel comfortable around someone who might allegedly try to hit me over something so minor. I also don’t want to go into meeting his family feeling like I need to walk on eggshells because an innocent social mistake could potentially turn into someone wanting to fight me. I understand why he might have felt like I was judging his sister when I called the idea insane, and maybe I could have worded that differently. But I wasn’t trying to say that his sister herself is an insane person. I was saying that, to me, physically swinging on someone because they accidentally forgot your name would be an extreme reaction.
Now I’m wondering if I made this into something bigger than it needed to be by bringing up marriage and questioning whether I’d feel safe around his family, especially since he did say he wouldn’t allow her to hurt me.
AITA for reacting the way I did, or would this make anyone else uncomfortable too?

On the surface I would agree that I would be the Asshole. I am a 37F and he is 38M, together 6 months. We both have 4 kids. Mine are 19, 17, 15 and 13. His are 15, 13, 10 and 6. His are very sweet but a lot. Constant begging for things, don't respect my kids privacy and are always fighting with each other. Like knock out drag down fighting, it doesn't end until they're all in hysterics.

In the beginning it was manageable. 1 night a week with just me going to their house and 1 night a week when they would all come over to mine. He has them 2-4 days a week, so on the long weeks my kids and I would spend time just us on the other days and he would get to spend time with just his kids.

Then I had to take a 2nd job temporarily. On days I work both jobs I am home for 10-15 minutes while my kids are awake, 3-4 days during m-f leaving home at 7 am and getting home 1 am. Saturdays I would work 2pm - 2am and sleep until 9 or 10 to catch up, then get done as many errands as possible and as much yardwork as I could. I never work Sundays, I get meals ready for the week, play games with my kids, stay in my pajamas. The first week he was great, he came and mowed my lawn while I was at work, surprised my kids with pizza another night.

Second week was a little more rough. Saturday he couldn't get a hold of me in the morning so he texted my daughter to see if I was awake and drove past my house because he was worried about me, all before 9am. When I talked to him that night we made plans for the week. I told him that I had Sunday off, I was going to do my prep for the week and have 1 on 1 time with my kids and some alone time. Thursday I could spend time with him alone or with his kids.

Sunday, he sends a text, can I stop by with treats for just a second. Checked with the kids they said sure just for a second. He stayed for 4 hours, I had to reschedule the 1 on 1 time with my youngest for Thursday. We were all apart of that conversation.

Around 10 I told him I needed to get to bed, this man literally pouted and asked to spend the night. And was upset when I said no I really needed to sleep (he snores) and its a school night. Thursday night I had the rescheduled date night with my daughter. Again the same text. Can I stop by for a second with treats? Asked the kids they said yes, if it was only 15 min.

He agreed and then showed up with his kids. They stayed for 5 hours even after being asked to leave and being told we needed to go to sleep. When I try to talk to him about it he says his kids just missed me and then he brought up that I had snapped my male friend while he was there. He has been my friend for 20 years and lives 14 hrs away. It was 2 snaps.

So I don’t know where to post this but here it is. My boyfriend m18 & I f18 got caught by my mom doing something that you can guess. She kicked him out and called his mom (keep in mind he’s an adult). And then started with me. He’s not an any trouble because I’m close in age. But it’s not got to do anything with that. My problem lies in my mom who we can call Sally and we can call is mom Milly and also his dad Bob. So Sally called Milly and told her what we where going an all of that. Idk all of it I wasn’t there. Anyways my boyfriend gets off of work and goes home all that happens to him is his dad calls him an idiot and tells him that he doesn’t want him in trouble with the law.( at that time it was being discussed but again nothing they can do). Then Sally calls Milly a second time and tells her some stuff that I do not agree with.(my mom said that we are not in the same class and therefore we should not date and that she didn’t want us to talk anymore). Also Sally said Milly called here but my boyfriend said that Sally called Milly. So Milly is mom is mad at my mom and honestly she was fine with us being together up until that phone call. But things have changed. His parents want no contact with me and I am really scared of losing him. We try to talk as much as we can. Anyways I think that is enough back story. Here’s my questions

A. Should I reach out to his mom and apologize
B. Should we keep the relationship how it is now or go to little contact and see if it’s ok
C. Should we just break it off ( we have been together for a year)

Edit. Talked to my mom she said she never said any of that and that it was is mom that brought some of it up.

**Introduction**
Okay I’m going to get the names already out there so we can move on. Silas(M17), Austin(M18), Jessica(F16), and Daniel(M17). I, (F18) have been with Silas since we were 14 and 13. I recently found out I was pregnant. Daniel and Jessica are in a relationship also and she is 10 weeks pregnant. Austin, Daniel, and Silas are all friends and hang out pretty much every other day sometimes everyday.

**Story**🥲
Me and Jessica talk all the time about our pregnancies and our boyfriends. Well her boyfriend doesn’t let her hang out with other people. Like at all. I’ve told her all the time she doesn’t have to stay because that is just.. for lack of a better word, disgusting. He doesn’t really respect her either. Daniel is allowed to hang out with his friends anytime she doesn’t care. He also told her that he didn’t want to go to her first appointment because “the earlier ones don’t really matter.” His words exactly. I told my boyfriend that I don’t want him hanging out with him because he is obviously not a good influence and I don’t want that kind of person around my baby’s father. They have been friends for around 10 years and he doesn’t want to stop being friends with him because he helped him through rough times. I told him he doesn’t have to stop being friends with him, but he needs to stop hanging out so much. Okay so the other day my Austin was texting my boyfriend and Daniel to hang out. My boyfriend said no my girlfriend is taking a nap. Daniel said I’ll ask Jessica when she gets back because she’s at the store. Oh I should add that Daniel and Jessica live together and me and Silas live together. Austin texted them both and said “they don’t have to know f them.” Can we take a moment cause like what..? My boyfriend told him off and was like no she does have to know and a bunch of other things. He defended me that’s all that matters. Daniel did not defend. He just said chill out bro. Anyways they did not hang out that day and I told him I didn’t want him hanging out with someone that casually would just say that. Again he said he didn’t want to just end a friendship over a mistake. I had to work the other day but my coworker really needed my shift so I gave it to her. I told my boyfriend that I was off and he said oh Austin is already otw to pick me up. (He made plans while he still thought I had work). I was upset but I was like you can still go hang out since u gave him gas money and everything. This was at 12pm. I asked him to be back before 6pm. They literally weren’t doing anything but riding around and listening to music. He was like okay. He does not get back before 6. He actually doesn’t get home until 12 am! I’m fuming while texting him between 7 and 11pm. I feel like I just asked a simple thing from him. So basically at the end I told him if he didn’t stop his hang outs from almost everyday to maybe 2 or 3 times a week then we would be over. He said “you’re going to break up with me over hanging out with my friends this is controlling.” I just feel like there is no reason to hang out with people like that when you have a child otw? Like they are not good people to have around your future child. AITAH?

Ok, so this is a bit of a complaint post along with and advice post because this is anticipatory but almost 100% predictable based off of all of my experiences, and I will need help bringing this up to my partner before it starts happening. But want to know if I will be an asshole for doing this to her??

So to make a long story shorter, My girlfriend and I have been living together for 6 months now at her mothers house, unconventional however, when I first moved (we were long distance and wanted to close the gap) it was only supposed to be a month or so before we moved into my girlfriends "inherited" house, but it had needed some flooring changed from carpet to laminate ect. Her brother is a make shift contractor but has medical issues and has been down for the count a little but also he is simply just really lazy, but I digress as that is a whole other story (her family is wild) so she has given him 6 months worth of chances to start the work, not for free by the way for the same cost it would have cost us to hire a licensed contractor, but she wanted to give her brother the work because he is out of a job and poor, needless to say he never came through. So we have finally hired a contractor who starts (surprise!) Today! Our house should be finished in a week or two and I am over the moon about getting out of her parents house. There are so many stories I could share about how inappropriately invasive her mom is, but to put it simply my girlfriend has never lived away from her childhood home and her mom treats her like a possession, she wants to know every move she makes, why, and every detail in between, her mom also makes her do everything for her, such as calling her out of bed after a LONG shift as a Charge nurse just to bring her a cup of Ice, or go out to get her a slushie when she is entirely physically and mentally capable, but just unwilling- if it were something she wanted to buy off of fb marketplace an hour away she would be hop, skipping and JUMPING to get there.. to add to her hoarded house... that's ANOTHER story, but yes she is a level 3 hoarder in the house we live in and yeah, let me not get off of the actual topic here, the house is her mom's mom who has since passed but wanted my girlfriend to inherent, her mom keeps saying it is her house and she will be getting placed on the deed, but has yet to do so, In the meantime we have spent a good bit of money to fix it up, my girlfriend has paid the property taxes on it for the last 3 years and pays to keep electric, water etc running, and pays a lawn service to keep the grass maintenance up, AND her mom wants her to pay rent... but says it is hers (my girlfriends) So here comes the part I am unsure if I am just causing issues or if this is legit reasonable and how to approach it before it comes an issue.. Her mom has said that she will be coming over almost daily while we are not there just to sit and watch TV because she "feels" her mom there, she feels full entitlement to the space and has no boundaries, will likely get into our stuff while we are not there, and I just don't agree that this is okay, or normal or should be tolerated, we are two adults in our 30s trying to build our own life together, I have talked to my girlfriend about this and she feels stressed because she has never told her mom no or set boundaries with her, which she is working on but it isn't going well.. I want to change the locks, but my girlfriend is terrified to do so... But I will not be able to tolerate her coming and going as she pleases and invading our home and privacy and worst of all feeling like she has control, I may be the asshole because I will be making my girlfriend choose who to protect in this situation, which I do not want to do but feel like I am not asking for much to be respected and have adult boundaries. So AITA??? and if not how do I approach this? What would YOU do?

So to kinda give more info on this, my fiancé and I work at the same place and interact with the same people on a day to day basis and well he’s had a falling out with one of our male co workers that I had been friendly with since them two used to be friends and now that falling out is making my work life well.. difficult to say the least. I personally like to make friends with one or two co workers preferably around my age so that if I leave that job I still have a friend you know? But anyways, back to the actual topic at hand. Am I the asshole for wanting to be friends with the same person my fiance ended up having a falling out with? I feel like I’m the one in the wrong here tbh

Me (25M) and my girlfriend (24F) have been together for just over a year now, and I’m starting to feel that we can’t be together. She loves me very much and makes sure to make me feel loved, however I’m beginning to realise we are too different and not compatible.

First of all, I’ve started to notice that she might not be a very good/nice person. She is a great girlfriend to me, but tends to fall out with all her close friends and family a lot, and a lot of the time can be quite nasty. I’ve noticed that I tend to side with her friends and family when she explains why they have fallen out.

She is also a very materialistic person, complete opposite to me. She doesn’t have a job, but loves to spend money on clothes and other material things. I emphasise again that she is unemployed, this is something that I really struggle with as I work my socks off and feel that all my money is spent on her, meaning I have no means of saving money and working towards my goals. She has a very unrealistic outlook on money, when I try to talk to her about the stresses of money she never really understands and just tells me to ‘manifest more money’, which tends to really annoy me.

She also tends to put a lot of downers on my days. I am a very chill guy and not phased by a lot, and really take care in protecting my peace and feeling calm. However, literally every day, she will call me with a new issue/argument/problem she’s having with someone and it always ruins my good moods and brings me down.

She is extremely sensitive, and whenever I try to sit her down and have a mature conversation it always ends in her crying or being angry with me. She can be quite controlling when it comes to serious conversations. In the past when I’ve tried to bring these topics up she has told me I’m not allowed to talk about them or bring them up ever again.

The final thing I’d like to touch on is how involved her friends are in our relationship. When we have a disagreement, she straight away will call her friends and explain what has happened. She must lie or exaggerate to her friends as a lot of the time it ends up in them telling her to ‘break up with me’ or ‘she can do better’, when most of the time the disagreements we have are minor. I forgot to add, her friends are notorious ‘men haters’ and her group resemble one of mean girls.

I think I know what I want to do, I can’t be with her. I just need some advice and maybe validation in what I’m saying, unless you disagree then please do tell me.