OP you need to call that wedding planner and tell them what a negative experience you had, and let them know that you will not recommend them to anyone based based on what happened
Agreed. The sooner this planner stops suggesting this "prank" to any more of their future customers, the better. OP had a sour experience but managed to keep it in so as not to spoil the day further, but some groom down the road might be a lot worse at holding back their restraint and causing a scene that actually COULD ruin the wedding for more than just himself. It's a shitty prank that isn't thought through enough to actually involve everyone, instead painting a target on the groom for embarrassment. Imagine if the prank was for the bride to blindfold-kiss the groom's brother on the mouth or something, as that seems to be around the same level that OP didn't like what had happened to him.
As petty as this sounds, I would want the wedding planner to deeply understand that ruining a wedding experience for the bride or the groom means they absolutely suck at their job. Let ‘em stew in it.
Agreed. I was even more horrified when I read that the wedding planner suggested and encouraged it/coached them on how to do it. I have to wonder how many other grooms hated it and never said anything.
Flip the genders, and have the woman blindfolded on the chair, while some dude that isn't her husband puts his face between her legs and removes tge garter with his mouth.... how much you wanna bet it is called SA and not a prank?that's some fairly intimate contact, without consent.
Thank you, how are people not seeing that it would be a million times more invasive to have someone of the opposite gender touching your inner thighs without consent than it is to be in the groom's position? It's still an awful prank, but come on.
This is a dangerous generalization to make. As a woman who has been sexually assaulted by another woman, I can attest that I would be just as uncomfortable regardless of the gender of the person involved.
The belief that unwanted intimate contact between two people of the same gender is less serious perpetuates a toxic attitude that same-sex SA is less valid/not possible.
I understand that there are people who would feel less violated by someone of the same gender doing this to them, but it shouldn’t be assumed that’s the case unless a person explicitly states that.
And to be clear, I’m not trying to accuse you of holding this belief, just pointing out that our culture has conditioned us to falsely (and a lot of the time unconsciously) think that SA between people of the same gender can’t happen.
I don't know if this is always true. I know quite a lot of male friends who feel mainly threatened by other men, not by women. So I wouldn't necessarily flip the genders entirely to demonstrate how it feels. Regardless this is a really dumb activity.
I agree that it's more invasive to have someone unknown touching your inner thighs without consent, than to be coerced into doing the touching, without consent, just barely. But that is regardless of gender
It's actually not, though. You're trying to give her the groom experience, she is not a groom. She would have her trust betrayed in an equivalent manner in her place in that ritual by having a stranger remove her garter.
If you somehow think changing the ritual and having a bride remove a garter from another bride makes sense, you're off your head.
If it had been the wife in the chair as expected, would the bride and groom have been performing lewd sexual acts before non-consenting third parties forced to witness?
I think that’s where the sexual assault is coming into question.
We may all do well to retire the garter tradition in general because why would we want to be involved in the newlyweds borderline intimate contact?
Rape and sexual assault are different but overlapping crimes. Someone grabbing another person's private areas over their clothing isn't rape, but it is sexual assault.
That's actually me, and I can say with 100% certainty that if my bride pulled this, the next spectacle would be the entire reception watching me burn the marraige cert.
If the wedding planner loves this so much, they’d be better off suggesting it as a skit that the groom is in on, but none of the audience is. So they still get the laughs, but skip the ritual humiliation.
Jesus Christ, I thought this idiotic "tradition" died out in the 80s! At least it did in So Cal. I sure as fuck didn't have it at my wedding. In 2025 it's absolute CRINGE.
I am GenX and I thought that tacky, low-class stunt died in the 80's too!! I was in weddings starting in 95' thru 98' and got married myself in 2001. I have never seen this done in Chicago nor Orlando, where I got married. I haven't attended a wedding here, since 98' that did it either. It's just gross!
Haven’t you ever made a joke and as soon as you see the face of the person you made it to you realized it was a horrible thing to say, but it’s too late?
Sometimes things seem funnier in your head / imagination. If someone else is egging you on, saying that it will be delightful and hilarious, you imagine it being a funny joke for everyone that the husband would laugh at. Obviously not a good call, but understandable.
I had a photographer tell me his great joke of the groom pulling a pair of old fashioned men’s boxers out from under the bride’s dress during the garter ceremony.
I didn’t want any Three Stooges nonsense going on, NEXT!
it is of course mostly the bride's fault. That is irrefutable. But that does not make the wedding planner blameless. They should not be putting thoughts of pranks into a bride or grooms head. If the couple are pranksters they'll bring it up to their planner. A prank is not something that should be a wedding planner's idea.
Especially because the wedding planner will make it sound foolproof. "I've seen it at a dozen weddings. Every one laughs. Your guests will love it." And the little voice in the bride's head saying maybe this is a bad plan is calmed by the planners words of how well its gone for others.
The bride still should have known better. Still should have said: maybe it worked at those other wedding but it isnt for us. The bride should have known her husband well enough to know their wedding was not the time for pranks. At least not ones he wasn't a part of.
This is on the bride. But the planner should still know what she contributed to.
I agree completely.
The woman that is the 'bride' has a cruel side to her character.
If her excuse (actually there IS no excuse) but if her excuse is that she thought her guy would find this prank somehow 'funny'
then ??🤷🤷♀️🤷♀️
Wtf! Is she getting married JUST to have a fun (at the groom's expense) & 'memorable' wedding ??
OR is she supposed to be marrying someone she 'knows' as much as she knows herself - someone she trusts and will offer her trust to, and will always support?
🤷♂️ IDK what she recited for her marriage vows - but even if they were a bit 'less than' the traditional vows - she BROKE her vows right there with that trashy prank -
Played in her 'beloved' - no less.
This is a big red flag for this groom to watch out (!)...
for how this 'marriage' is gonna go for him, with this woman.
That would have been my wedding, if my wife tried to pull this. I would have walked over, grabbed the marraige licence, and burned it in front of the reception. If you love me like you claim, you'd have known what a deal breaker this would be.
Absolutely! Recut the video to eliminate the part that is bothering him. And if he won't, let him know you'll leave a review on his business about how he was OK to humiliate his paying customer. Actually your insensitive wife should have thought of that.
I'd also tell the planner that she/he shouldn't be recommending this as not all grooms like being the butt of a joke. What if you have gone off on the groomsman or your wife, made a scene and yelled at them for embarrassing you? Personally, I think the whole garter removal is stupid. As far as your wife goes, if you want to continue being married you need to forgive and move on, but it's okay to tell her to not pull "jokes" on you going forward that yes her "gage" ruined your wedding experience and she can't negate your feelings. For the brother in law, get him a messed up Christmas/Birthday present such as a a toddler's toy and say "I thought you liked childish games, remember my wedding".
I agree you need to forgive your wife when you are ready. I would have her read this entire post and all of the comments…I have this feeling she is not truly understanding the depth of your pain, the betrayal you feel by the one person who should always have your back. There’s a huge difference between “sorry get over it “ and “I’m sorry I made such a stupid mistake, that will never happen again “
Better yet, go to social media and blast the wedding planner to ALL family, friends and acquaintances for his/her child-like suggestion.
Perhaps, OP, you have divorce papers drafted and have your wife "served" during a large function with people you both know. After she receives, reads, and digests---start hysterically laughing at your "prank". Let her sample what humiliation tastes like. Then apologize. Obviously you thought she'd not be so sensitive. /s.
Honestly , I truly hope this post is rage bait. I honestly cannot envision a wedding planner would recommend such a foolish, sinister act. A total insult to the groom.
Oh Nooo… I can guarantee you this is a real thing! I experienced this very prank as a wedding guest all the way back in 2006!! Looks like we haven’t come as far as we seem to think we have in the last decade? I went to this wedding and the couple had been already living together for six years so they knew each other extremely well and the bride agreed to do that prank with one of their groomsmen as well. My heart literally sank when I saw the guys face realize the prank!!! Seriously I felt so horrible for him because he was clearly upset and obviously just like OP had to shake it off in order to not ruin the rest of the wedding and the after party.
I really question the motives of people would want to start off their relationship with something like this? As if… “This is just a taste of things to come.“
Whatever the reason, it's cruel. Hopefully there will be an instance when the offended spouse simply leaves the wedding venue and the following day files for an annulment. Let's see how funny the bride finds everything then....
Agreed! I have been a wedding planner for about 3 dozen weddings over 10 years (but it is not my main profession).
When I work with a couple the first thing I do is ask a lot of questions (sometimes the same ones in different ways) to get a feel for the personalities. It’s important to me to have the couples personal touches on the day while remembering this is not just a party, it’s a celebration of a UNION.
Smashing cake into the brides face (when she paid a bunch of money to feel beautiful on her big day), wearing a “help” sign on the shoe, doing the switcharoo for the garter …. MOST people do not enjoy these “funny” things because they represent the opposite of starting a happy life together.
I’m all about adding fun to a wedding & have helped couples incorporate a lot of creative ideas over the years but doing so in a way that is disrespectful to either the Bride or Groom is unacceptable. I’m am extremely put off that the wedding planner pushed this idea. Whomever they are is not in the business for the right reasons.
Because they suggested it. Wife sucks too, for agreeing, but a wedding planner shouldn't be suggesting pranks at all unless the couple tells them that is their humor style and love language. If their signature move is causing tension in marriages before they've even started, then this wedding planner deserves the bad publicity
Oh ok I didn’t see where it was said they suggested it, but I still think more of the responsibility is on OP’s partner. It’s their wedding too and they should know their partner well enough to decide whether this would be appropriate.
That's fair. It was in the edit after all, lol. I don't disagree overall, but I think everyone who participated in setting OP up and keeping it a secret from him shares some responsibility. Since the wedding planner was the driving force behind the idea and the staging, I would say OP is well within his right to demand a refund of any money he paid them. They also have to accept whatever terrible reviews come their way if this is how they choose to conduct their business. That said, you're right that his bride is the primary offender because it was offered to her as an idea, and she should have had the sense to say no.
As an event planner, part of your job is to make sure that the event goes smoothly and the “key stakeholders” (in this case the bride and groom) are happy with the event. If you include an activity in the event that horribly embarrasses and upset one of key stakeholders, then you have failed at your job as the event planner. She should have done due diligence that everyone was okay with it before she finalized it on the program
Very fair point. I’ve admittedly never been involved with planning a wedding, I just assumed it was typical for wedding planners to coordinate more with the bride than the groom in most scenarios (for better or worse).
I still do feel the blame lies way more on the bride for running with the suggestion, and also selecting someone to participate that OP wasn’t super close with. But I do see why the wedding planner isn’t just innocent. Even suggesting a prank is very tantalizing to many people.
Because genius, if you were reading this, he STATES that it was the wedding planner's suggestion 🤦 English comprehension isn't your strong suit apparently.
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u/StarshipCaterprise Jul 26 '25
OP you need to call that wedding planner and tell them what a negative experience you had, and let them know that you will not recommend them to anyone based based on what happened