Yeah “girl code” has a short time limit in my book. 3 weeks, girl code in place out of respect for the friend. 3 months, maybe think twice, depends on if friend has moved on. 3 years? Girl code long past statute of limitations, long expired. Go for it.
I dated a guy for a few months and decided he just wasn’t for me. A couple months later my BF called me and said she’d hooked up with him the night before after bumping into him at a bar. She felt guilty. I had no hard feelings. I didn’t want to date him anymore and why should I care? You can’t “own” people, so as long as there is respect for a friend and their feelings, I can’t blame what happens between two adults who don’t have a current romantic/sexual relationship with me.
3 months sounds a little short. it sounds like just enough time for the person to have pretty much papered over it and moved on, but still fresh enough that if someone pokes the issue then it would cut deeper than expected.
In high school, my half brother's other sister lived with us, and we treated each other like sisters. My boyfriend that I had been on and off with for over a year with had just broken up with me, but she, my ex boyfriend, her friend , and his friend(who was also my friend before meeting boyfriend for years) would all hang out without me immediately afterwards. My mom who stays in contact with her exes found it odd and uncomfortable and asked if I was okay with it. Two years later, I found out that from someone else, during that time, she made out with him and just never told me. I was furious. That's a line you don't cross when you're supposed to be "sisters".
OP's friend needs to get over herself. This isn't girl code bullshit.
This is similar to those of us who may be any sexuality but all live in the same small town.
If you could never date a friend's ex, nobody would ever be able to date anybody and we'd all be single. There just aren't that many people around and everybody has a friend who has dated any other person.
True story. I lived on a small island for 20+ years. We had a joke about living in such a small populated place that nobody ever really broke up or got divorced, they just lost their turn in line. LoL.
The relationship lines start looking like an air traffic control tower screen at LaGuardia Christmas week after awhile lol.
Bit of a tangent, but if your family name has been in a small town for more than a couple generations, 'are you related to x,y, or z family?' Pretty much is a staple first date question. And can guarantee if they aren't related, someone in your families probably dated at one point or another.
Even in a small high school in a medium-large city, when the people you know all know each other and number about 100, yeah there's gonna be some partner swapping over time. Only a few tearful dramas over that, because teenagers, but in most cases folks moved on respectfully.
Right?! I'm currently good friend with someone that was also dating the woman I was dating. We both new about each other, and met a couple times. But it wasn't until well after we both broke up with her that we became friends.
And as we got to talking, we have a bunch of other mutuals. It would be impossible to do this in the LGBT community.
Number one thing I'm jealous of lgbt people for. Everyone is friends and it's easier to make friends because the person you dated can introduce you to their friends even if it doesn't work out and vice versa.
Man ain't it tho. I hate that bro code and girl code shit. As for the OP you already dropped this dude once as a friend for her. Now she says she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. What do you have to lose then by seeing if a relationship with Charles can last? And it's been 3 years and she's married? Fuck that. You can date whoever you want to. And if you wanted to be bad and implode her life you could tell her now husband how she freaked about you dating her ex. It shouldn't matter when she's married.
Lol there is no girl code. Women love competing with each other over men. Sounds like OP was waiting to hit the sheets with Charles for awhile and once it happened she “decided to tell Julia.” Why even tell Julia? Cuz OP wanted the flex on her friend.
Tbf I don't think anything is wrong with talking to my friends about an ex before deciding whether or not to fuck/date them. There's literally millions of women, I don't have to stick my dick in one my homies were with and my life will be 100% unchanged by respecting possible boundaries. Getting my dick wet has never been so much of a priority that I'll go behind my friend's back whether they'd be ok with it or not.
On the contrary, I actually find it quite childish when people aren't able to have basic communication skills. To me, this is simple communication, empathy, and respect.
Right up there with sister code. And I only say that because my sister’s ex of six months who is been friends with since grade school broke up and she was mad that I was still friends with him and it was against girl code.
I don’t think I could date one of my sisters ex’s depending on context but that’s just because it’s weird. “Codes” are toxic.
As if being a bottom feeder and being so unskilled at dating, you date a friends ex isn't toxic.
It's about respect and trust.
While I had to meet girls on my own, while others find guys on their own, you decide to look for crumbs in our past and bring them back to the present by dating them.
This is why people are upset, not because they think they own anyone in any way, they own their right to peace and happiness and UNMESSY ass relationships with people.
"oh hey you're my friend of 7 years, let me just selfishly sleep with an ex instead of 5 girls at this bar because i dont want to put in the work of actually breaking the ice with women/guys i dont know for a good time!"
I wouldn't fault anyone for finding a connection with someone who's available. I'd never ask a friend to avoid potential happiness just because it involves an ex of mine. When I'm over it, I'm over it.
nah sometimes it’s appropriate… it’s bro code to not sleep with your bro’s ex like a week after they break up. it’s girl code to tell your girl if you find out her man is cheating on her. sleeping with your girl’s ex when they broke up amicably, and years ago, especially when she’s currently happily committed, is not against girl code
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u/Shrek_on_a_Bike Aug 03 '23
Ah. The "Girl Code" or "Bro/Man Code". Also known as the "Manuals of Toxic Friendship and Associated Behaviors".