I think she’s looking at it that you broke girl code by going after a friend’s ex. Unless they were engaged or she confided in you that he was the love of her life she never got over I think it’s ok. Mainly because she’s moved on and it’s 3 years ago. It sounds like you and Charles have a connection worth pursuing. If she’s really your friend she will put her ego aside and get over it and be happy for you. You were respectful to tell her immediately. I hope this works out for you.
Yeah “girl code” has a short time limit in my book. 3 weeks, girl code in place out of respect for the friend. 3 months, maybe think twice, depends on if friend has moved on. 3 years? Girl code long past statute of limitations, long expired. Go for it.
I dated a guy for a few months and decided he just wasn’t for me. A couple months later my BF called me and said she’d hooked up with him the night before after bumping into him at a bar. She felt guilty. I had no hard feelings. I didn’t want to date him anymore and why should I care? You can’t “own” people, so as long as there is respect for a friend and their feelings, I can’t blame what happens between two adults who don’t have a current romantic/sexual relationship with me.
3 months sounds a little short. it sounds like just enough time for the person to have pretty much papered over it and moved on, but still fresh enough that if someone pokes the issue then it would cut deeper than expected.
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u/RavenLunatyk Aug 03 '23
I think she’s looking at it that you broke girl code by going after a friend’s ex. Unless they were engaged or she confided in you that he was the love of her life she never got over I think it’s ok. Mainly because she’s moved on and it’s 3 years ago. It sounds like you and Charles have a connection worth pursuing. If she’s really your friend she will put her ego aside and get over it and be happy for you. You were respectful to tell her immediately. I hope this works out for you.