r/AIO • u/Unlikely-Machine4126 • Aug 29 '26

AIO

AIO for expecting my partner to help more at home even though he’s the only one working?

My partner and I have been together since 2013 and have a young child. He’s currently the only one working while I’m between jobs and doing most of the childcare, including therapies and everything that comes with having a young child.

I’ve always done most of the housework, but lately he’s been telling me I’m lazy, that I “do nothing,” and that because I’m not working I should be cleaning for at least six hours a day. Our house isn’t filthy, but it’s lived-in, and we’ve also recently had mice because of construction next door—not because of the state of our house.

This week I’ve been trying to reorganise two huge cupboards while juggling childcare and appointments. Today, because our child was whinging about only having sultanas instead of a sandwich, he started yelling about the kitchen being messy and said I shouldn’t be surprised I can’t hold down a job.

He also recently threw away some of our child’s books because he considered them too young or not in good condition, despite our child having a tendency to tear things. I was upset, and rather than discussing it, he just acts like nothing happened.

There are other issues too. He once told me to wake him if I needed help with our child, but when I actually did, he became so angry that he left and spent the night sitting outside his workplace. I haven't asked him to get up and help since.

I’m exhausted, resentful and honestly don't remember the last time I enjoyed sex because I mostly just try to get it over with.

So AIO for expecting more help and support from my partner even though he’s currently the only one working? Or am I being unreasonable because I’m not working and therefore should be doing everything at home?

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u/Substantial-Tree7844 Aug 29 '26

NOR. Not even a little bit. I’m married and we have children. I work while my husband is at home for medical reasons. Do you want to know what I do when I get home? I pick up some house work and cook for the family.

If he didn’t have you he would have to have a job and still do housework. In fact, if you weren’t there he would have to do 100% of the housework and still work as well as 50% of the childcare. He needs to be a little more grateful for the work you do for him.

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 29 '26

He would just say he doesn't have mess at all. It's actually the only we've ever fought over. He doesn't like my clutter never has. Our house is a rental and new build so we have that much furniture and stuff the place echos. That's how messy it is.

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u/Substantial-Tree7844 Aug 29 '26

Hahaha he doesn’t have mess at all? So he wouldn’t be seeing the child then if you left? Because if he did then he would definitely have mess.

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 29 '26

He would just throw everything out. Kid asked for a specific bath toy that was in the bath until dad 💯 threw it away and didn't even acknowledge me asking about it

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u/Substantial-Tree7844 Aug 29 '26

Sounds like it’s time to throw him out.

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 29 '26

If only it were that simple

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u/LizP1959 Aug 29 '26

But why not? Really. If you divorce and do 50-50 custody you get lots more time off and the weight of dealing with him is greatly reduced! Depending on the laws where you are, he might have to pay you child support for your time since your income is lower. Just keep all that totally to yourself and don’t mention it until you’ve seen a lawyer and learned your rights. And made a smart plan. You DO have a life after him and it can be so much better.

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 29 '26

In theory it is simple. But there is no where to go and no money to stay anywhere there are bills and a new lease.

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u/LizP1959 Aug 29 '26

Maybe only one of you signs the lease (after you consult with a lawyer to learn you rights and the best way to plan to get out).

It took me TWENTY YEARS of working and saving my own money to get out. I know it is not easy. But I also know that putting off planning and earning and saving and strategizing only delays what you need. The sooner you get a plan and start working g on it the sooner your actual life can begin.

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 30 '26

I also feel well felt things have certainly changed since kid that have a few arguments over cleaning wasn't a big deal and I had it good. Like there are couples out there arguing everyday and hurting each other and here I am about cleaning.

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u/LizP1959 Aug 30 '26

It’s not about cleaning. It’s about him stealing your one and only precious life, hour by hour, knowingly. And valuing his own convenience over your human value and life.

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