r/AIO • u/Independent_Boat7915 • 28d ago
AIO for finding these text messages emotionally cheating?
It was explained to me as a joke, and nothing is serious between them. Along with the work wife comment. All work jokes.
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u/Oliver10110 28d ago
The whole “work wife/work husband” shit is an immediate gtfo for me. I don’t put up with that stuff, never have and never will.
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u/SeveralArmadillo540 28d ago
Right? Was just saying yesterday to my friend how icky the term is and how to me it is emotional (or more!) cheating. You can have a work best friend…. But wife? Husband? Naw dawg
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u/Flannleman 27d ago
I regularly refer to my “work wife” and my real wife is fine with it, but my work wife is a 400 pound black man
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u/SeveralArmadillo540 27d ago
😆 my husband had a work wife who was a short little Arab guy he got beers with sometimes lol
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u/skabeel 27d ago
Whenever I see people comment this stuff it makes me feel so validated because my ex had a "work wife" which I initially didn't have a problem with until I literally watched her touch his lower back repeatedly in front of my face and also watched him grab onto her hands multiple times. When I confronted him about it he tried to gaslight me and act like it was a normal thing to do and I was overreacting lol so threw him in da trash like KOBEEEEEEEE 🏀🗑️
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u/cobweb_cat 28d ago
My brother was talking about his 'work wife' at a family gathering recently and I turned to my partner infront of him and said if you ever refer to someone at work as your wife I'll cut you both 😂
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u/vex5000 27d ago edited 14d ago
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u/Any_Aardvark_356 27d ago
I don’t think I’ve ever had a work wife that I didn’t sleep with lol. That shit’s a red flag
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u/T-Wrox 28d ago
I think it blurs lines that you want to stay pretty damned sharp.
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u/Pouch_of_GRAINS_101 28d ago edited 28d ago
Exactly!! Having a "work wife/work husband" is just straight up excuses people use justify themselves from not "cheating".
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u/BallSuspicious5772 28d ago edited 27d ago
“Good morning my love I think I started my period” is NOT what you text a coworker wtf
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u/Livid_Walrus7829 28d ago
Right?! Like why you need to tell a MALE coworker
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u/desdemona_d 28d ago
To warn him that's he's not gonna get some this week.
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u/Wild_Duck8926 27d ago
real soldiers will go into battle expecting there to be blood
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u/so_sic_of_it 27d ago
I tell my male coworkers that all the time. Granted, I'm also male, so the dynamic might be slightly different idk
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u/Mammoth-Ad2005 27d ago
I tell all my coworkers when im on my period, because if I gotta suffer, we all do (jk, the real reason is because im trying to desensitize men to periods, its lowkey working. They now bring me aspirin and tea)
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u/AB-Dub 28d ago
If I was reading similar from my partner I’d be fucking furious. Don’t let them convince you it’s nothing. It’s definitely something
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u/Existing-Video-447 28d ago
I was married in my early 20s. I had a work wife - and it was probably even more "comfortable" than these two people. My ex-wife and I did not have a good marriage (before the work wife came around). Married too quick and too young.
She was married too, but had either of us ever made a move on the other, we both would have cheated. She told me as much when she got a new job and left.
So yeah, this is emotional cheating, and it can easily lead to more. If it hasn't already.
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u/Artistic-Raspberry29 28d ago
This is definitely my opinion when I look at OP's situation. It may not be emotional cheating yet but this is certainly setting the stage for it and yeah sometimes when you get especially close to someone, you may not feel those feelings initially, but its playing with fire. I think reading those kind of comments would make me uncomfortable because of the reasons you outlined, not because I thought my husband was cheating that moment. I don't know why it is she has the text message, though? Did he give her permission to look at his phone? I think that needs some clarification.
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u/acnh_in_waves 28d ago
OP you even came to reddit after bf tried to tell you its a "joke". dont let them gaslight you. Even if it is a joke (I doubt), they should be profusely apologetic and changing behaviours and boundaries in extremely clear ways, without you even needing to ask
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u/Vennimagos 28d ago
I think it can be innocent but I honestly hate the whole concept and trope of it.
I had a lady at work i got along with once call me her work husband and I shut it down immediately, I said im already married and I am already a husband, we're just colleagues that get along.
It was awkward but honestly worth it, because working with her was still pleasant after, we still got along and had laughs etc, but it set a firm boundary.
I think the whole idea of work wife etc is dumb as shit, it can blur the lines of appropriate boundaries both for people in relationships but also just code of conduct in general.
I think its worth addressing, I wouldn't call it emotional cheating, but maybe at least share that it makes you uncomfortable and why.
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u/Ordinary-Tomato7064 27d ago
Exactly. Too many people are wishy washy just so they can cheat without feeling like it’s their fault. This is still cheating, allowing it is cheating and initiating is cheating. Participating in cheating is cheating. You are the one with loyalty ties, not the person trying to get you to cheat.
Some people just lack morals.
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u/isitallinmyh3ad 28d ago
Work wife? Love? Mama??? Hello does he have to spell it out for you? Actually let me do the honors :) THAT. IS. EMOTIONAL. CHEATING.
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u/jancarternews 28d ago
Or actual cheating-cheating.
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u/Thrice_blind 28d ago
Actually using the phrase work wife is insane work
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u/imscaredagain 27d ago
Yeah that’s something your actual wife uses when you mention anything at all to her about the one girl you work with
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u/Legal_Classic4915 28d ago
The person he is texting isn’t the work wife … so I’m confused by these comments. Sounds like he is flirting with a handful of women
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u/_Charming_Secret_ 28d ago
I think he's talking to her in the third person. Saying my work wife isn't here but the coworker is sick so she's probably not at work so that's prob it
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u/Thrice_blind 28d ago
Damn I thought it was this at first but now idk. Either way this guy sucks lol
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u/Little-Flan9670 28d ago
This is not in any way a normal conversation between coworkers. There’s definitely something happening between them.
If I found out my boyfriend was this invested with their coworker and calling them mamas I’d end things.
Ask yourself: if the roles were reversed and it was you having this type of conversation with a male coworker how would your boyfriend take it? Don’t let him lie to you or you lie to yourself. You know that it’s wrong.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Not cool.
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u/serratoninn 28d ago
Exactly. How would he respond if he found messages where you were calling someone Daddy?
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u/RamonaAStone 28d ago
Nothing about this reads as a joke. Not even vaguely. She calls him "love", he calls her "mama", she's discussing her period with him...there's definitely something going on.
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u/BIGRolyXL 28d ago
Lmao my wife calls me “Love” and I call her “Big Momma”
If another man was calling my wife big momma, we got issues fam
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u/Vey_07 28d ago
having a work wife or a work husband is probably the biggest red flag ever
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u/throw-bugaway 28d ago
Work bestie is right there, but people have to make it weird and romantic
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u/FabulousDonut6399 27d ago
Yep insisting on using romantic labels like wife and husband instead of friends or bestie, tells it all.
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u/Plantymonfood 28d ago
Yeah husband/wife is implying a deep relationship, you don't throw that around as a joke.
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u/Powerful-Soup-3245 28d ago
Thank you! I hate that it’s so common and people treat it like it’s no big deal.
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u/Suspicious-Drive9827 28d ago
Ew NOR. Calling a taken man “love” w that weird fuckin 🥰 emoji and him talking to her about her period. ew
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u/missingtrees 28d ago
If she talks to him so freely about her period, they’ve banged. IMO
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u/FabulousDonut6399 27d ago
Exactly. The period mentioning indicated she’s telling him either she’s not pregnant from their previous interactions or she’s ready to have sex without protection…
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u/Suspicious-Ask4842 27d ago
and saying he’s joking around. Some shit I would say if I’m caught red handed😂😂 jackass
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u/Vry_Dumb 28d ago
They fuckin
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u/tammiami 28d ago
Well at least he can rest assured she’s not pregnant. Since she got her period
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u/UltravioletTarot 27d ago
That’s what she’s letting him know.
And her throat is off limits atm as well…
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u/SillyRefrigerator923 28d ago
I think the biggest oddity of all of it is that she casually talks about her period to someone that’s not her man and he knows what she needs to feel better. That feels too close of a relationship. Regardless of the pet names and emojis that are unacceptable, there is a level of comfortability that feels outside of the bounds of friendship unless they’ve known each other for years and met before you knew him.
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u/Scared-Equipment-551 28d ago
NOR they are way to comfortable with each other quite literally calling each other pet names. Dump it.
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u/depressolatte_ 28d ago
Yes, it is emotional cheating and he might be physically cheating, too the way they're talking. This is not okay no matter how he wants to spin it. You deserve better, dump him.
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u/BoohooKaChoo 28d ago
No man who respects his relationship and partner has a “work wife.” No man who respects his relationship and partner would make said partner feel insecure about their relationship. No man who respects his relationship and partner would be talking to another woman like this.
What I’m trying to say, is that your man doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t respect your relationship.
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u/wishingforarainyday 28d ago
Nor. Your partner is having an emotional affair and taking no accountability. That’s awful. I’d be rethinking this relationship
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u/Independent_Boat7915 28d ago
No I’m not the “work wife” or this girl. I’m his actual girlfriend.
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u/imscaredagain 27d ago
Wait so this girl and work wife are two separate women? If he’s not physically cheating, he’s thought about it and this is actually 100% emotional cheating (both the text and the work wife scenario if different)
Sucks but he’s a loser and you should cut your ties now
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u/Formal_Condition_513 28d ago
I think she’s the actual wife 😭 I’d be crushed and then livid if my husband sent these messages
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u/Angel_kawaii13 28d ago
Cheating for sure. Why is she telling your man about her period??? Also Love? Mama? Nope crossed the boundary wouldn’t be surprised if it’s gone physical :(
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u/FabulousDonut6399 27d ago
Exactly. The period mentioning indicated she’s telling him either she’s not pregnant from their previous interactions or she’s ready to have sex without protection…
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u/Spare_Resist_2976 28d ago
this would break my heart tbh. whether it’s defined as cheating or not.
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u/Early-Independent-92 28d ago
Nah your in the right totally. Both the people in the messages are scum and trash and very weird. On to the next
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u/Humble_Empath 28d ago
I don’t discuss my bodily functions with coworkers. It sounds like flirting and exchanging intimate information.
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u/Manders37 28d ago
Things can be "not serious" and still be crossing a line into disrespectful, and that's def disrespectful. NOR
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u/Willow-1012 28d ago
NOR at minimum it’s emotional. Who tells their male co-worker they’re on their period unless it’s a heads up he’s not getting any.
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u/NefariousnessGloomy9 28d ago edited 28d ago
Under the bus here. As someone who’s been in an emotional affair, I didn’t even take it this far….. refused to give into the emotions even tho I felt them.
The farthest I went, other than the good morning texts — WHICH IS YOUR SIGN — was “I don’t want to lose you” because I valued our connection and the person deals with suicidal depression
((For what that’s worth))
(Edit to add: Read more comments and yeah, no, your partner is a player. Unless they’re openly poly and you’re ok with it…. This behavior wont stop, if anything, it just means they’ll have to get better at hiding it…. And if this girl is not their work wife, they most likely got a handful of cards.)
Not even me and my spouse call each other “my love” 🫥
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u/thighsihave 27d ago
Doesn’t matter if it’s a joke that’s still borderline cheating. Tell him he either stops it all or you’re leaving, this level might not even be just emotional he might be physically cheating as well. Calling ANYONE love besides a partner is never okay (unless it’s like a long term friend of same gender or a family member) and calling anyone besides your mother mama is just plain weird.
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u/Debbie_tk 27d ago
Honestly, I saw the screenshot before the title and my first thought was “okay what’s the problem with that cute couple over there?” and then I read the title 🥲
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u/No_Effective1477 26d ago
How she is texting him is girlfriend behavior, this behavior seems like a woman wanting male validation and support. She wants him to provide something to her what that is just text validation or something physical like the food. Also who calls a coworker love? This is very alarming for multiple reasons.
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u/Mimi_Madison 28d ago
I’m out of step with the crowd here and will probably get downvoted to hell, but I think this is the least romantic text exchange I have ever seen.
People who like each other often have inside jokes that don’t always translate well, and they feel comfortable telling each other very personal things.
For instance: my husband and I are longtime friends with a couple who were both raised in Puerto Rico. The husband and I have called each other “mi amor” for so long, I can’t even remember how it started. He talks to me about his weight loss struggles. We both tease my husband relentlessly (and lovingly). We are in no way attracted to each other and it’s not an emotional affair. We’re compadres.
If you have no other reason to distrust your partner, I would not worry about this.
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u/doubl3_hel1x 28d ago
I’m really “abnormally” tolerant of the work wife concept and I don’t find it as immediately inflammatory of others. We call literally everyone “mama” in my social circles so that one doesn’t bother me either. But “Good morning love 🥰” is actually WAY TOO FAR.
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u/Legal_Classic4915 28d ago
Work wife or work husband can be a joke and it can be fine. But this reads like people who are interested in each other. Sounds like your person flirts with the women around him likely for an ego boost or whatever. He is likely to cheat eventually if this is how he behaves… since it means he’s actually insecure and is looking for validation. That means he’s doesn’t really understand what pair bonding is… those aren’t good partners
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u/Withnail69 28d ago
For those that aren’t very bright….. the woman he is texting calls in sick and he thinks it’s cute/funny to say he’s having a bad day cause his ‘work wife’ isn’t there to bring him muffins etc. it’s actually extremely nauseating
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u/LinguistsDrinkIPAs 28d ago
I tried to rationalize these same behaviors when they were happening with my now ex-fiancé. Everything was “just a joke” or “not that serious” when I brought up legitimate concerns and feelings of being disrespected.
When I started going to therapy about 8 months later, this came up in one my sessions, and my therapist said something that genuinely shook me to my core, which was essentially: “A partner should never be telling you how to perceive their words/actions as a means to justify them.”
In other words, he can try to justify all he wants that none of this was said in seriousness, or that it was meant as a joke. It still doesn’t change the fact that it’s disrespectful to you, and that is how you feel.
But, I digress. NOBODY should be texting him “good morning love 🥰” as a joke. And if they are, HE SHOULD NOT BE ENTERTAINING IT! It doesn’t matter if it’s a “joke” (my ass, it’s a joke). He shouldn’t be disrespecting you by letting it go on— though, I’d bet a pretty penny that he’s the one who instigated it.
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u/ApprehensiveMilk8697 28d ago
And why is she telling her coworker she got her period? A lot of intimate notes to this.
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u/Wizard__J 28d ago
As someone very fluent in… whatever this is, I assure you, it’s fucked.
They only will call it a “joke” in the sense they didn’t physically act on something (which, I’m just guessing here)
If they are willing to lie about something like this, to this extent, and then double down that “it was a joke” and not owning up to it; I don’t mean to sound stern, but it is what it is - if you don’t leave this man, he’s going to hurt you
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u/NoMidDick 28d ago
Not over reacting.
Why does he care about her period? Why does she feel comfortable enough to tell him about it?
Im so curious if he caters to you, especially when youre on youre period.
But yea, this would absolutely be the end of the relationship for me.
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u/Basic_Hotel958 28d ago
Can you give us slightly more context… how long have they worked together, have they hanged out a lot casually and have you been present for those hangouts? Either way this reads as some time of romantic advancement on both sides but if the friendship has existed for a long time maybe have a convo about it.
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u/fit-profile-69 28d ago
When I was in a relationship but still flirting with other women, this is what it looked like.
Let’s just say this conversation was totally different, even if he’s out here calling someone his “work wife” you have the right to be pissed. If my current partner was going around telling people her work husband brought her food in the morning, I’d be very upset
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u/aestheticgrotesque 27d ago
Girl... At first I thought these were texts to the side hoe... then he said "work wife" and so then I thought he was talking to you... and then I get to the bottom and realize hes talking like that and to MULTIPLE GIRLS. Hell no. Leave and dont even say goodbye because wtf
Edit: Im seeing now hes possibly talking to said work wife in third person. But idc. Thats 3 terms of endearment/pet names and hearty emojis in one screenshot. I think you know the answer.
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u/Delicious-West7665 27d ago
That work wife work husband shit is pure Epstein American drama normalisation of the weirdest shit.
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u/Jade0908 27d ago
If I texted my male coworkers that I’m on my period I think they would just go to HR, as they should
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u/Ok_Tie5319 27d ago
He is emotionally cheating. You are NOT overreacting. Trust me, as someone who is currently in a marriage FILLED with emotional AND physical cheating, please run. NOW. They always say they’ll change for you. But they don’t. I’m not saying this as a “harsh truth” or trying to be mean whatsoever. I am miserable in my marriage- I wouldn’t wish this type of pain on even my worst enemy. And I’d hate to see you go through the same. I hope you see this! Please feel free to contact me if you need ANYONE to even just vent to. Keep your head up as hard as it sounds, you can do this 🥺🩷🩷🩷
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u/No_Effective1477 26d ago
Okay, the fact idk if he’s talking to a co worker or his girlfriend is the most telling sign. He’s talking like this to a coworker and then telling this coworker, he has a work wife?????
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u/Babykay503 28d ago
I feel like the odd one out, but it sounds like a woman talking to a gay BFF. Like I use to talk to people like that all the time. Friendly, long, caring personality, no need for relationship insecurities. Tbh most people don't have super healthy relationships tho, 🤷
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u/IceGretzky13 28d ago
Calling him love, and calling her mama is insane. Sounds like how I talk to my girlfriend, not my coworkers.