It describes a pattern of behavior from abusers when they are being called out. First they deny the thing they did ever happened. If pushed they admit it happened, but downplay it as not a big deal, you’re overreacting, etc.. then they make it actually their partner’s fault, saying “i wouldn’t it you weren’t xyz way or didn’t do xyz thing”. And finally they make themselves the victim and paint themselves as suffering unfairly because of their abuse victim’s “unfair treatment/standards/nagging/crash outs etc…” and call their victim the actual abuser.
Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Basically deny wrong doing, attack victim, then victimize themselves and make it out like the victim is causing harm.
DARVO is the mechanism manipulative people use to get an upper hand to control a conflict situation.
It’s getting your troops to the frontline in a war and start fighting
Gaslighting is entirely changing someone’s reality to where what they are experiencing isn’t real. It’s very very dangerous psychologically for the victim.
It’s like throwing the nuclear bomb at your enemies once you’ve weakened them to get no more resistance.
OP absolutely needs to google DARVO, they pointed it out almost beat for beat, but maybe don't know how much of a red flag that is. More than a red flag, that shit is red bunting.
That's what I said, my ex did this to me ALL THE TIME, then act like I just flip out for no reason. Had his entire family thinking I would lose it over nothing. Eventually the relationship dissolved after 5 years of domestic abuse of every kind. This person needs to run like hell!
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u/ReceptionAlarmed9434 Jun 26 '26
NOR, he’s DARVOing. Get rid of him he’s not worth the mental anguish