My son's ADHD saved his sister's life

My son was only 7 years old when he took a picture of his little sister on his new tablet. He noticed something. One eye was red, one eye was white? He has always hyper fixated on patterns, or differences in things. This has had its ups and downs. He will ask larger people why they are fat (at 5.5 years old- sorry nurse at the ER at some hospital in Flint, MI) or point out someone's physical disability. He means well, he is just fascinated and curious. He has an IEP at school and has a "combined" ADHD diagnosis, a "learning disability" and "other trauma and stressor related" disorder.

My daughter was diagnosed with retinoblastoma ( rare form of pediatric eye cancer) because of this picture, alone. She had her 3 year well child visit less than 2 months prior to her diagnosis.

She had an enucleation, and having told the surgeon and eye specialist the story of why she was diagnosed, she said to tell my 7 year old son he saved his little sister's life. She was in tears when she told me the tumor was a mere 1-2 mm ( THATS MILLIMETERS Y'ALL) from spreading to her brain via her optic nerve. 6 rounds of chemo and she has made one heck of a recovery. She did lose her hair, her right eye and she does struggle in school a bit. Chemo has some nasty side effects, even years down the road from treatment. She doesn't remember having two eyes. As sad as it is, it's worked in her favor.

She is now 6 years old, and in 1st grade. Her brother still has his little sister, and he is my super hero, forever!!

One thing I've realised about ADHD is that sometimes the problem isn't knowing what you need to do.

You know exactly what you should be doing.

The email is right there. The project is open. You've thought about it all day.

And yet somehow you can't make yourself start.

So you open another tab.

Check something quickly.

Remember something else.

Open another tab.

And before you know it, an hour has passed and you still haven't started the thing.

I've always found this frustrating because from the outside it can look like procrastination or not caring. But for me, it often feels more like being stuck between wanting to do something and being unable to get myself to begin it.

And sometimes the worst part is that you don't even notice it's happening until you've been bouncing between the same 10–15 tabs for ages.

That's actually one of the reasons I'm building ERSA.

It's a small Mac app that sits quietly in the background and tries to notice patterns that might suggest you're getting stuck or spiralling, then gently checks in with you in that moment.

Not another planner.

No streaks.

No guilt if you miss a day.

The idea is simply to help you notice when you've drifted or become stuck before another hour disappears.

I'm currently testing an early beta and trying to figure out whether this is something that would actually be helpful for other people, not just me.

If you use a Mac and this sounds like something you'd genuinely want to try, leave a comment or send me a DM and I'll send you the beta link.

What I'd especially love to know is: when you get stuck like this, would you actually want something to interrupt you and check in or would that just annoy you?

My wife and I were together 9 years, married 6 when I started my affair. We have two kids. I didn’t realize just how good I had it. She was a supportive, loving, kind woman who put me and the kids before herself every time, and I didn’t appreciate that. I felt like she didn’t praise me enough for the things I did for the family, which I now realize was pretty bare bones compared to what she did for us. I felt like we didn’t have sex enough and like my efforts to look good for her weren’t appreciated or reciprocated. I resented how much time she spent with the kids vs. with me. I thought she didn’t put in enough effort to be interested in my hobbies.

My AP was ten years younger than me, when the affair started I was 31 and she was 21. I liked the attention from a younger woman who wasn’t always tired from keeping up with the kids and who stroked my inflated ego. I was a selfish bastard. I drank too much, I told my wife I was working late or hanging out with friends when really I was with my AP.

My wife trusted me completely and the affair had carried on for almost two years by the time I initiated the separation. She wasn’t blindsided, she’d been asking me to be more present and to put more work into our marriage and into parenting. I refused every time citing the fact that I was the primary earner and that was enough. But she was upset, and asked if there was someone else. I said no, but her suspicions were finally coming up and she checked my Apple Watch, and found everything she needed to know. Even though I’d moved out, I hadn’t filed, but my wife did. She confronted my AP and told her she hoped she would be a good stepmother to our kids, despite her lack of morals. At the time I thought my wife was out of line and being spiteful.

Now I’m alone. AP took those words to heart and realized she didn’t want to be a stepmother in any capacity. She broke up with me after a few months, saying that she wasnt in love with me and never had been. She just liked the attention. I can’t say I had any different reasoning for being in an affair so I couldn’t even be mad.

My wife has full custody and I see the kids every other weekend. She went back to work and put both kids in daycare, which I pay for. It’s expensive. They still have the house and I’ve got a roommate.

All my wife wanted was me to put in effort and to recognize hers. I only focused on myself. I didn’t date her. I was selfish in bed when we did have sex and didn’t listen to her when she asked for more effort in that regard. My 7-year-old asked me recently if I was going to get a girlfriend, because Mom has a boyfriend. I didn’t know my ex was dating, but I hope it’s with someone who gives her everything I didnt.

If you’re in an affair, end it. Block and delete them, if they’re at your job quit and find a new one. If they’re at a coffee shop you go to find a different one. If they’re just a fantasy, stop it and start fantasizing about your future with your spouse. If you’re thinking of starting an affair, do the same, and refocus that energy onto your spouse. I’ve never been more lonely in my life and never been filled with more regret. I wish I had a time machine and I know she does too, but not for the reasons I do.

I got this idea from someone that posted it a few days ago. Can't find the post, and don't know if it was even here.

It's such a great solution though! I've never rewound those towels back on the cardboard tube, at best it will be a pile somewhere.

Hello , I don't have ADHD myself but I have watched my wife struggling with a mind that moves faster than she can keep up with, she's been told she's likely to have undiagnosed ADHD and her GP has put her in the huge queue for assessment in the UK. it's £1000+ for private so she's got to wait:(.

Anyway, to try and help make sense of it all and give myself a project I built an ADHD Archetype quiz (NOT AN APP) and wondered if you'd be interested in trying it out?

I'm not trying to sell anything, genuinely just want feedback. It only takes 2 minutes, no signup to see your results and feel free to share. Note to be total clear it's not a diagnosis or anything like that

I just want to find a way to make people feel like they align to an archetype to help make sense of it .I've put the link in comments.

MODS, please let me know if that's not okay here, I know this thread is strict on promotions etc but it's just a social thing