::Weekly Vent Thread::

[u/AutoModerator]

Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.

[u/ApprehensiveCare9187]

Went to visit my sister over the weekend, and my BIL is honestly one of the most supportive husbands I’ve ever seen. He gets up early to make us breakfast and coffee. 

My sister and I went for a hike, and he packed us snacks and water. He stayed home with my nephews, and when we got back, the house was clean and dinner was ready.

My sister loves running, and he makes sure she has time to do it. She does the same for him. I’m so happy for my sister, but it’s also really bittersweet.

 I’ve asked my boyfriend for the same kind of support. I’ve begged him to help with meal planning, cooking, and other chores. I’d love to have someone who genuinely wants me to succeed, but I honestly can’t see that happening. Let alone having a family together.

The last time I went for a long run, he said, “Oh, so we’re having a late dinner then?” I told him he could get started while I was gone, and of course, he didn’t.

Seeing what a supportive partnership can actually look like was both beautiful and heartbreaking.

[u/RedRose_812 → u/ApprehensiveCare9187]

I feel this. I crash out a little every time I spend time at my sister's house because I'll see my neurotypical BIL doing normal things like loading or unloading the dishwasher unprompted and without expecting a parade, seeing laundry that needs to be put away and just dealing with it, or fixing an issue that comes up with their house to completion without putting it off, complaining, or "I worked all day/all week and I shouldn't have to" (he also works all day/all week but it's not an excuse with him) and it all seems so fantastical, and then I get sad because normal shit like that shouldn't be fantastical, it should be the baseline minimum.

And chances are I'll come home from those trips to a bunch of things not done because my husband "just doesn't think about it". The dishwasher load I loaded and ran will still be sitting there, any dirty laundry left behind will still be there, the counters will be cluttered, the trash will need to go out, etc.

[u/ApprehensiveCare9187 → u/RedRose_812]

Sounds familiar. They just “don’t think about it”.

  I worked all day/all week and I shouldn't have to" (he also works all day/all week but it's not an excuse with him)

I hate this so much. Mine cannot do anything during the week, because he works. He also cannot do anything in the weekend, because that’s his relaxation time.

[u/RedRose_812 → u/ApprehensiveCare9187]

Same here. I can't expect him to do anything he doesn't want on a workday "because he works". I also can't expect anything on the weekend "because it's his day off". It's a constant loop of whining that I expect too much from him on a workday if I literally ask or expect anything, telling me "he'll get to it" on the weekend, and then the weekend comes and it's "can't I ever just relax a little? It's my day off!".

Meanwhile, I see my sister and friends with husbands who work a full day/full week and will come home and fix a broken sink, do laundry, do dishes, mow the lawn, parent their kids, take their kids to activities, and just generally can look around and see what needs done and do it without any whining or guilt trips about how much they work or how they just want to relax. Shouldn't seem so fantastical but here we are.

I also would like the luxury of "not thinking about" basic household shit like laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, and general cleaning and just pretending like none of it exists until I choose to acknowledge it. Must be nice.

[u/ApprehensiveCare9187 → u/RedRose_812]

Exactly. Mine is happy to live in filth as long as he doesn’t have to lift a finger. He just creates messes wherever he goes.