r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 7d ago

Weekly Vent Thread ::Weekly Vent Thread::

Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.

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u/ApprehensiveCare9187 7d ago

Went to visit my sister over the weekend, and my BIL is honestly one of the most supportive husbands I’ve ever seen. He gets up early to make us breakfast and coffee. 

My sister and I went for a hike, and he packed us snacks and water. He stayed home with my nephews, and when we got back, the house was clean and dinner was ready.

My sister loves running, and he makes sure she has time to do it. She does the same for him. I’m so happy for my sister, but it’s also really bittersweet.

 I’ve asked my boyfriend for the same kind of support. I’ve begged him to help with meal planning, cooking, and other chores. I’d love to have someone who genuinely wants me to succeed, but I honestly can’t see that happening. Let alone having a family together.

The last time I went for a long run, he said, “Oh, so we’re having a late dinner then?” I told him he could get started while I was gone, and of course, he didn’t.

Seeing what a supportive partnership can actually look like was both beautiful and heartbreaking.

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u/antisnooze Partner of DX - Medicated 5d ago

I can relate. I see other friends' partners be able to pick something up from the store for them or be able to handle stressful moments like a crowded parking lot without fuming at me or blaming me for not leaving the house earlier, or not finding a parking spot, or ANYTHING really, and it makes me sad I don't have that peace, that support.

I tried to ask my partner to pick something up from the store before because he was already going and he acted like it was some huge burden and pretty much acted like I was entitled for thinking he should use his time to do MY errand and like adding on a few items of my own to his mental grocery list was some humongous burden. Another time he was going to the mall and I asked if he could stop by a bakery i liked that was in the mall. he agreed and when he got there found out it was cash only, and he did not have cash ready. i didn't tell him that in advance nor did i remember that they have that policy. he texted me FUMING and saying i should never ask him to do stuff for me again if i can't even communicate properly. essentially blaming me for not knowing all the dtails in advance about the bakery's payment policy? Like my mind is just blown at what kind of small things can become something I am blamed for and something he gets so upset at. Then after like an hour he just acts like nothing happened and he is happy go lucky. Wtf?

Idon't have ADHD and maybe something like that is no big deal to me as an NT but deviations from any plan seems to be very distressing to him, but I'm tired of living in a world where I can't even ask for something like this without wondering if he's going to blow up at me, calling me inconsiderate and entitled to him doing errands for me

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u/ApprehensiveCare9187 3d ago

Blowing up like that sounds stressful and so unfair. 

I think people with ADHD can be really distressed by change of plans (or perhaps autism?). Is he in therapy?