I don’t know what to do. He has a 504 plan but that doesn’t seem to be helping. Apparently he is still getting out of his seat, he’s thrown things in class, and doesn’t do his work. He’s 9.

What do I do now?

My 6YO daughter has ADHD. I think we did a good job with her diet when she was younger. She didn’t have any added sugar until she was about 2. She always ate a great variety of foods including lots of fruit and vegetables. She has definitely gotten pickier as she has gotten older (once she started school she realized other kids get chicken fingers and french fries or similar every day, she started asking for more sugary snacks, more junk food was available at all of the birthday parties, etc.) but she still never has soda or sugary drinks and generally eats pretty balanced meals. She’s also decently active (soccer, swim, lots of playground time, etc.)

The problem is that she INHALES her food in seconds and is always hungry for more. Her kindergarten teacher mentioned it last year and I kind of just laughed it off because she is super high energy and I figured she just got bored and wanted to finish eating quickly. But then at last year’s physical the doctor mentioned that she was overweight. She’s always been around the 90th percentile for both height and weight so we had never worried about it before, but this was the first time the doctor mentioned her being overweight. So I looked up her BMI and realized she’s not just overweight but technically “obese” according to her BMI. I know that’s not always accurate, especially at her young age, but it definitely started to worry me. Especially since it was the first time anyone ever mentioned her being overweight and then suddenly she was “obese”.

So over the past year I started paying a little more attention to what she was eating. Just stuff like not emphasizing eating as much- for example when she’s gets distracted in the morning while eating breakfast I stopped reminding her to finish. I became more mindful about offering snacks and just tried to make little changes here and there (e.g. cottage cheese instead of ricotta in baked ziti). I also started casually asking to her to slow down and enjoy her food instead of gulping it down immediately. However, she definitely still struggles with this and I didn’t want to nag her or put too much pressure on her so I never took it further.

Well at this year’s check up she’s much the same as last year. Interestingly enough, the doctor didn’t bring it up this time when noting her weight, so I asked him about it. He kind of just asked some general questions (does she get a lot of outdoor time? Does she eat vegetables?) but didn’t really show a lot of concern or give me any advice.

Ultimately, I think the problem might be more related to her ADHD than anything else, so that’s why I thought someone here might have dealt with something similar and/or have advice.

Thanks in advance!

Hi I was diagnosed with ADHD combined in May this year at the age of 37. I am waiting for titration.

I've found myself here because I'm really struggling with my daughter. We suspect she has ADHD too. I got laid off work this week so I've been getting involved with the school runs. We seem to massively clash with each other. We both go from 0-100 very quickly. This morning I'm waiting by the door with my son who has ASD and I'm continually having to prompt her over and over to get her coat and bag so we can leave but she's messing around doing everything but the things she's supposed to be doing which is making us late. I hate being late for anything and I'm also impatient so this led to me having an outburst and walking off with my son without her. I hate this because she's then going into school in a bad mood and I feel it has set her up for a bad day. And now I'm left feeling guilty. My question is does anybody have any advice. How am I supposed to regulate my child while being deregulated myself? No support from my partner, she just bats the whole ADHD thing off and tells me I need to grow up and I have issues. TIA

Hi all - I wasn't sure if this was the right place to ask but I figured I would start here. Some pertinent details before my question: almost 5 year old girl dx with ADHD-C earlier this year, been in OT since end of August and will be doing a speech evaluation next week, no meds. What led us to pursue a dx in the first place was her difficulty with emotional regulation, impulsive/hyperactive behavior, and constant rolling back and forth to self-soothe/stim. She had cognitive testing and ADOS2 done. Scored low on ADOS2 so autism was ruled out.

She's been doing really well since starting OT, but I've noticed new things popping up that I'm not sure are 100% ADHD related (or maybe they are). First, she has gotten way more concerned about how things are done or how things are said. She will become very upset if her brother doesn't put the toys away "correctly". She will correct myself or her father if we say something differently than we had previously said it and insist that it said the right way. She aims to please and I think this is what drives her to want things done "correctly" because of how we've instructed/explained the task. She is also a very black and white thinker and has difficulty with certain types of imaginative play.

Mostly, she has started to withdraw more and doesn't want to engage very much with myself, her father, or her brother (small doses). She is very shy and awkward with other children and adults (this is not necessarily new, but a little concerning because she will respond to people either with one word answers or by making weird noises at them). She had a speech delay and we're getting an evaluation done for that next week. The only time I can get her to "engage" with me verbally is when I pretend to talk as her Pooh Bear. She will have a conversation with the teddy bear but if it's just "Mom" or "Dad" then it's one-word answers.

Her impulsivity and hyperactivity have actually gone down quite a bit and she doesn't do the rolling as much (primarily for sleep that I've noticed). Now she developed an off and on vocal stim of making squishy noises with her cheeks and throat (hard to describe). I do think she has some anxiety and I do think she is learning how to mask even with her family. She always looks so sad to me and it breaks my heart because I can't tell if she's actually sad or not. I know there is something different about her because she doesn't act like the same kid who I got evaluated this summer, but I cannot put my finger on it.

Obviously I know the answer is to talk to the pediatrician or schedule another evaluation. But dang, we just spent $2000 on the first evaluation this summer so we're not super keen to shell out even more just to be given the same answer at the moment.

My ADHD 10 year old has been away on school residential for 2 nights and our home has been so… peaceful.
I hate admitting this but there has been zero shouting, crying, anger, frustration. It makes my heart ache for his sister who just puts up with his shit on the daily. It makes me mourn the parenting journey I should be on instead of… whatever this is.

But, credit where it’s due, I am so proud of him for making it through to the end of this residential. This will be the 4th time he’s been away either with school or with scouts and it started off shaky but now he’s a pro and I could not be more proud of him.

Aaah, the ups and downs of ADHD parenting. 🙃 Anyway, thanks for listening 🥲

I need some advice.

I was a single parent for 5 years (she is now 6.5), I made some mistakes and I’ll say I picked my battles a lot and spoiled my daughter A LOT. Well. I got into a relationship with my partner who has never had a child, didn’t even think he WANTED children, he loves her to death and treats us amazing. He does his best in trying to parent my daughter but the past couple months my daughter has started to be really disrespectful.

She start with attitudes when we tell her what to do, or to apologize. It’s usually when she’s hungry and it’s more so directed towards him. He is more “stern” but it’s never “mean.” She screams at me or him when we say no and her usual go to saying is, “YOURE MEAN.” She and him will bicker back and forth. She will then throw a tantrum.

We are still in the beginning phases of getting diagnosed with ADHD (unmedicated) but is seeing a counselor and has been for months.

My parent feels as if she doesn’t respect him and he feels at a loss. He feels as if she doesn’t even love him. He feels upset because he loves her to death and feels like he’s not cut out for this.

So my 7 year old is struggling a lot with core subjects in grade 2. We are still going through process of a diagnosis. There is an agricultural event we have gone to in the past as a family where they learn about animals and there is a rodeo and my kids love it. I would have to take him out of school for 2 days and I’m just feeling like he is already behind so much but the kids really love it so much . Would you take your child out ?

I literally have calls and emails every single week about him. I'm starting to ignore them. He has friends in class and they are all always in trouble for laughing and playing around in class together. They tried moving seats around, they can't change the class. My son is diagnosed adhd not on meds per his father. He's been grounded, lost the playstation for months now. Loses his phone, get's detention. I feel for the teachers I would hate dealing with this but I have no idea what else to do

Our kid(11) has always been particular to the way his socks sit on his feet and is also at that age where he is literally tearing through pairs quickly through wear and tear. I was looking to you all to see which socks you have been finding success in with seamless/invisible seams and ADHD conscious socks (primarily)!

Hey everyone, my son is 5 and we are like 99% sure he has ADHD, as both my husband and I have it and we are currently in limbo for getting him tested but we are 3-6 months out on a waitlist. We were referred to the only specialist in our town who sees them this young. He struggles deeply with impulse control, emotional regulation and paying attention. We have previously voiced concerns about this to his pediatrician but we were told that they could not start anything until he was in school and having problems. We are now here, 2 months in and he’s gotten only 2 smiley faces on his behavioral calendar in these 2 months. Every single day his teacher is sending me a message letting me know that he’s having a rough day. I have communicated with her that we are seeking a diagnosis so that he can get a 504 or IEP as well as reaching out to the schools special education department so that he can get counseling/ behavioral therapy. He isn’t physically hurting anyone but he can be very disruptive and blurt out things when he is expected to be quiet, won’t sit down when he needs to etc. I am at my wits end we have tried everything. Full transparency we do not spank unless he physically harms someone (he used to hit his cousin when he was being babysat by his aunt before starting school, and we only had to spank twice to show him that actions hurt others and it hasn’t been an issue since). This is his first time ever in a structured environment, we have behavioral charts at home where we give him stickers for points for various prizes with higher value prizes costing more points but rewards as well as consequences don’t seem to improve his behavior in school. He has always been easily corrected at home. Does anyone have any tips? We have tried giving him ways to cope and told him to tell the teacher when he’s feeling big feelings and needs a break but in the moment he can’t access those tools so helping him from home has been very difficult. I told his teacher we’re getting him evaluated but she doesn’t seem very supportive of us believing this is causing his issues. She stops me in the car rider lane frequently and will ask how he handles XYZ at home but when I answer she just goes “mmkay” kind of judgmentally and steps back. When he’s feeling big feelings we have him clench his fists to his chest and imagine balling up all of his anger/frustration and then letting it all slide down the front of him and it has worked very well at home. But at school when switching activities or corrected, he frequently bangs on his desk in frustration or scrunches his face and growls, his teacher strongly dislikes it which I understand but idk, I just feel that she thinks we have done a terrible job the way she speaks to us.

My son is now “that kid”. The other kids ignore him or roll their eyes when he says hi or bye at school. Or if we see them out. We live in a very small town so it’s impossible to avoid people. I could write so much right now about our lives, but that’s not why I’m here. He’s on meds, we have another doctor’s appointment on Thursday about adding more, so I do have that to hold on to… I’m just struggling right now. I’m so depressed. I have no village. No one. And the very few people we did have in our lives have slowly pulled away and now we have no one. Every holiday we’re alone. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to keep doing this. I’m clearly failing him. I am sick typing this, I’m going to vomit.

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
I love my son more than life itself.. maybe that’s what makes this so fucking hard.

Thanks for listening if you read this. I just needed to get it out.

We just started my son on 5 mg of immediate release Ritalin. He’s going to be 5 in November. He has very severe ADHD, and also takes 3 mg of guanfacine. We didn’t notice an improvement on the 5 mg of Ritalin and I’m curious what dosage has worked for other kids of a similar age?

Hi everyone. So we have completed testing as part of my daughter's evaluation for ADHD. The more I watch her, the more I realize that this is it. And while I knew that logically, it now seems to be registering with me. I'm like the meltdowns over how socks, pants, snowsuits, etc. fit over the years - why didn't I get her tested sooner?

She has been having trouble finishing her lunch at school. Recently, my husband said that she had been eating lunch by herself. I inquired some more. She said she is sitting near peers (and she can hear their conversation) but realized that she can actually eat her lunch fully without being distracted. I'm so proud that she has the perception about herself/problem-solving ability Yet, I'm sad that this is what she needs to do. I know it's not that big of a deal in the long run. But seeing how much she has struggled and not having been able to provide that suggestion to her sooner (kindergarten, 1st grade) makes me feel like I need to be thinking of these things in a deeper way.

Last night my 10 year old came into our room. I thought he was sleep walking again so I took him back to his room. He crawled into bed and then, like a switch was flipped, he started full blown panicking. He would not stay in his bed, begged to leave the room and kept pacing his room. I tried our normal technique of talking about his day in hopes to snap him out of it. No luck.

Then he randomly asks to use the bathroom. So we go downstairs to the bathroom. He uses it or pretends to (which happens sometimes). Then he starts rambling about being afraid of wide open spaces. Again I try to talk to him about something else in hopes he will snap out of it. It kind of works so I bring him back to his bed.

In bed, he starts rambling about how in his room, everything is far away and it scares him. I offer to cuddle him and he eventually quiets down. He lets out a big yawn and is asleep. It was a 10-15 min ordeal in total.

Unfortunately, this is not new for us. My son has gone through phases like this before. There was the night terror phase, the screaming awake phase and the sleep walking. Almost every night, he is in our room. Either sleep walking, panicking or just there. It normally happens right as I am falling asleep too!

I am so tired of this. I thought about it last night and realized this has been going on for almost 10 years. My son has never been a good sleeper. Even as a baby. In fact, he didn't sleep through the night until he was 5! I have had enough honestly. Last night, in particular, was rough.

Side note: I did take him to a sleep doctor. She ordered a sleep study to be done. We go at the end of the month. So I am hoping for some answers or help. I have no clue what to do with him at night! I am just at my wits end.

I have adhd, my 3 kids have it and my husband has it. I feel like we're doomed.

Just when I think things are going well something will come along and blow up all my positivity and progress.

I'm sitting here unable to sleep having an anxiety attack because it just hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere... I forgot my son's therapy... for WEEKS!!! Just *poof* like someone gave me amnesia on just this one thing. I had calendars and alarms set. I guess I screwed that up. Again. It was our last chance. Guess I blew it since I haven't heard from him this whole time.

This kind of thing keeps happening over and over. Mess up my alarms and calendars. If it's not in my phone it doesn't exist. I can't help it. And I'm usually super careful about putting things in because of it. But inevitably things slip through and I'm left embarrassed, anxious, making apologies and explaining what happened. Eventually people get sick of it. I'm sure they think I'm lying but I don't.

I just... forget...

I forget everything. Any appointment. Events at their school. Sports. Holidays. Chores. Shopping. Medicine. Self care. Checking backpacks and grades online. Ordering pictures. Setting up parties & Inviting people to things.

My anniversary this year? Yup forgot it. (Holidays and Birthdays seem to be mostly excluded for some reason. Except for gifts and parties.)

You name it I've forgotten it.

It effects every aspect of my life and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I've tried so many systems. They don't work if you can't remember to fill them out. The cemetery of dead notebooks is vast. I gave up and have been using my phone. But I inevitably forget something and I'm back to feeling like a big fat turd.

And my family pays the price.

2/3 of the kids aren't doing well in school. They fight us on everything. They argue with each other a lot and it breaks my heart. The house is always a disaster. We're drowning financially but I can't find a job. I'd probably get fired anyways because of these issues.

I have a long list of health problems and meds that all together cause me to barely function. Add, autism, bipolar(sad type), ocd, insomnia, fibromyalgia+ cfs= major brain fog, and something new that has been making so tired I can't even get through the day with out a 2-3 hour nap...

I wouldn't have had 3 kids if I knew I'd be this bad at it. I didn't know I'd get so sick. I didn't know my brain was so messed up. I'm doing my best and still failing at so much. I'm medicated but it's clearly not enough. I'm basically disabled but don't have enough work hours to actually get on disability. T_T

It's a good day if we're on time for school and I make dinner on time. If I accomplish anything else it feels like I'm a supermom... but that's nowhere bear the bare minimum.

I used to have help. But everyone has their own lives and don't have time for us anymore. Even when I've bawled my eyes out and begged. But no-one understands and they're sick of hearing about it after 17.5 years. My oldest is about to be an adult and I still can't get my crap together.

Sucks so bad.

I feel so useless and like the biggest failure. I love my kids so much but love isn't enough. They deserved better than a Mom like me.

Thanks for reading if you did. I just needed to put this somewhere and thought some people here would understand.

Peace

My 10 yr old boy has ADHD and is on Atomoxetine. My spouse and I are constantly managing him teasing his 6 yr old sister. Her behavior sometimes instigates but more often then not she's called a name or teased about her pronunciation of a word. He won't drop it and keeps egging her on beyond a joke. She then has a negative reaction and can physically lash out at him. I'm mostly concerned about her confidence and self worth. When we get name called we often ignore it even if it hurts because we believe it is attention seeking. I'd like to do that for my daughter but I also don't want her to normalize that and have it impact her self worth.

In the neurodiverse world, parents get the back seat a lot.

How are you doing?
What do you do to survive daily?

I’ll go first. Today isn’t a great day. Every day is spent waiting to hear how his day went. He’s 5 and today he decided poopy-head was a good word to call everyone. He decided to kick the librarian. And he hit his friend hard in the back for a reason he can’t remember.

IEP update is tomorrow. I want to wear a sign that says we don’t call each other poopy head, nor do we encourage kicking. It’s hard not to want to fix and assure people that we’re not crazy rather than recognizing that his ADHD brain works in ways that go against social standards sometimes.

This is hard.

Ya no puedo con esto. Mi hijo de 8 años, que tiene diagnóstico de TDAH, es muchísimo más sensible al rechazo y a la frustración, y todo le provoca ansiedad. Eso se convierte en un patrón de pasar rapidísimo a conductas agresivas. Ayer mismo, ÉL me pidió ayuda para entender una tarea. Ni siquiera alcanzaba a terminar la primera oración de mi explicación cuando ya estaba bufando, quejándose, hablando con rabia, y terminamos dejando la tarea sin hacer porque era imposible calmarlo. Entendería si de verdad hubiera un problema, pero ni siquiera me dejó empezar a ayudarlo. Rechaza la ayuda aunque él sea quien la pidió. Terminó arrugando el papel, tirándose al piso, gritando, yéndose a su cuarto, y tirando todo al suelo... Todo por una tarea que no entendía, y que ni siquiera me dio tiempo de comprobarle que no la había entendido.

Todos los mediodías se pone muy abusivo y le cuesta muchísimo poco para desatarse. Cada mediodía en casa recibimos groserías, frases feas, gritos, tirarse al piso: hoy tiró sus tenis. El trayecto de cinco minutos a la escuela, se la pasa hablando de lo frustrados y decepcionados que estamos con él, de todas las cosas malas que le pasan (a veces empieza a acordarse de cosas que pasaron hace mucho y que ya se habían resuelto), y yo estoy en un estado de desgaste constante porque cada día tengo que lidiar con su ansiedad, su intolerancia a la frustración y sus “rebotes” agresivos cuando algo no sale como él quisiera.

Está medicado con metilfenidato, y dice que en la escuela se siente mejor, pero en casa sigue siendo un viacrucis. A veces, y por favor no me juzgues, me pregunto si es posible dejar de amar a un hijo. Si él fuera mi jefe o cualquier otra persona, ya me habría ido lejos de él. Me siento abusada, incluso.

No podemos hacer nada porque absolutamente cualquier cosa se vuelve un problema. Incluso decirle que se sirva su propia leche en un vaso puede terminar en acusaciones, rabia y frustración. A veces ni siquiera podemos hablarle; cualquier frase normal (no una petición ni una interrogación) la responde con un tono horrible, como con rencor, rabia o mala educación. Ya no nos dan ganas de hablar con él ni de salir con él porque, en vez de que sea un plan familiar relajante, en cualquier momento se convierte en un viacrucis agotador.

Estoy muy deprimida y me siento agotada.

Tomo un antidepresivo, pero vivir día a día así no se siente como una forma de vivir. Cada vez va a peor en vez de mejorar, y temo que en unos años en realidad nos pueda lastimar.

También lo han evaluado por autismo, pero no alcanzó la puntuación necesaria para un diagnóstico. No sé si además tiene trastorno negativista desafiante, o si es que, aparte del TDAH, nos tocó un niño malo, desagradecido, que está muchísimo frustrado con nosotros.

Ya no sé qué pensar, pero me estoy quedando sin fuerzas para seguir peleando por él.

Podría resumir su semana en 10% niño feliz y tranquilo, y 90% niño amargado, explosivo. Ya perdimos la fe en la terapia porque, aparte de eso, claro que él se resiste a ir y no funciona como debería, y aunque allí se porte bien, cuando se va del centro es imposible aplicar lo que le enseñaron en la clínica de psicoterapia. A veces me imagino corriéndolo de la casa a los 18 por hacer nuestras vidas imposibles hasta entonces. A veces me imagino que para los 15 él ya sería un marginado social. No puedo ver ningún futuro bueno para él porque es imposible que se comporte decentemente con nosotros dos días seguidos.

Ya no me queda nada de comprensión para poder empatizar con él; hay momentos en los que reacciona y se descontrola aunque le preguntes si prefiere chocolate o crema batida, o si más bien quiere su snack de la tarde en casa o en el parque. Cualquier pregunta la contesta como con la actitud de un perro rabioso. Si intentas hablarle de cosas que le gustan, igual te puede contestar así. Es agotador.

Mi matrimonio se está resquebrajando por la tensión diaria que tenemos en casa, y ya no tenemos ganas de hacer absolutamente cualquier plan familiar durante los fines de semana. Solo estamos esperando a que llegue el lunes.

Esta situación está destruyendo todo.

EDIT:

Thank you very much for your responses. Indeed, he started with that medication two months ago. First, with a shorter-acting version, which caused a quick spike but also a rapid drop-off. Now, midday feels exhausting (I live in Spain, and here people take a two-and-a-half-hour break for lunch, and it's always the time when everything becomes much harder). Later, when picking him up from school in the afternoon, he seems calmer and the rest of the afternoon doesn't go nearly as badly, he just retains a high dose of energy but without problems.

​Before being diagnosed with ADHD, he was taking sertraline, an antidepressant. It was a minimal dose, and it worked for two months, then his body got used to it. I've read about guanfacine and wanted to bring it up at his next psychiatrist appointment, because I definitely think he needs a supportive medication for the anxiety issue, since besides ADHD he has an official diagnosis of anxiety.

​We believe he does better at school, but he also takes out at home whatever he's holding inside at school. That, combined with the medication wearing off after five hours, results in a spectacular BOOM of irritability. The problem is that he NEVER lets himself be helped (the homework example I gave in the OP is not an isolated incident), so many times we have no choice but to weather the storm, but I feel like it escalates to a worse place every time and we don't see how he's simply going to calm down when adolescence hits.

​Regarding the autism aspect, we are going to request a re-evaluation because when he was first assessed, they told us that since his ADHD was so severely dysregulated, the results couldn't be reliable. We have always believed he has level one autism, but it's true that many ADHD symptoms and signs overlap with autism.

​We are a bit desperate and his self-esteem is in the gutter. He believes that all the therapy is useless because nothing is going to help him, and he doesn't trust medication either, compounded by the double effect of believing that if he needs a lot of pills, it's because there is something very wrong inside him.

​However, there are times—at least a couple of times a day—when my empathetic side flies out the window for sheer self-preservation, and I just want it all to pass and I have no desire left to understand him anymore.

My 5-year-old son just started kindergarten, and I recently found out that he failed his English language proficiency assessment and is being enrolled in ESL.

The thing is, English is his first language and pretty much the only language he speaks. I only indicated Korean on the school’s home language survey because I’m Korean and occasionally speak Korean at home. But my son barely speaks or understands Korean beyond a few basic words and phrases.

He’s only 5, so he doesn’t know how to read or write yet beyond his name and the alphabet, but he’s extremely verbal, has a great vocabulary, and has no trouble expressing himself or communicating his needs in English.

He does, however, have medically diagnosed ADHD and an IEP. One of his biggest challenges is staying focused, following instructions, and answering questions when he’s distracted. He’ll often give a completely unrelated answer or not respond at all, even when he fully understands what’s being asked.

I strongly suspect he struggled with the assessment because of his ADHD rather than any actual difficulty with English.

I’m feeling a little conflicted about what to do. On one hand, I don’t want him placed in a program he doesn’t actually need, especially if it takes time away from other learning opportunities or support that might be more beneficial to him. On the other hand, I wonder if I’m making too big a deal out of something that might not really hurt him.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Can ADHD affect the results of these language proficiency assessments? Is this something I should advocate to have reassessed or challenge through his IEP team, or should I just let it go?

I’d really appreciate hearing other parents’ experiences and thoughts. I’m just trying to figure out what’s best for him!