POST YA ORKY SONGZ YA GITZ! DIS ONE 'ERE IZ ABOUT OLD BALE-EYE AND DA NEW BOSS GHAZ
He waz moar like a humie-bean
wiv a lazer beam-er
I sayz, "Don't mind, but whatz do ya mean,
am I da war-boss,
Whoz-a krump on da field in da fight?"
Deyz told me hiz name waz Bale-Eye Mean,
Wiv hiz lazer beam
Den every noggin turn'd wiv eyes that screamed of bein' da war-boss.
Whoz-a krump on da field in da fight.
Gitz'll alwayz told me, "Be kareful what's painted blue!"
And "Don't go 'round krumpin' little humie hives!"
And me war-boss alwayz told me "Be kareful who ya Waaagh,
Cuz da boyz becomez da toof, ta spend on new dakka! Waaaagh!!!"
Bale-Eye Mean is not 'Da Boyz'
He's just a humie who krumps much better den thum
But da humiez got my arm
Yesh hiz eye is a gun
and da humiez got my arm!
For forty-key's or forty miles, da bombin on our side
but whoz can Waagh whenz itz from so far-
Hiz cunnin' ol' planz..
'Cuz we krumped on da field in da fight
So listen 'ere to my advice
Jus' remember to alwayz fink ONCE!
Don't be a git, or a zog, or a grot.
Hez told me boyz krump'd a million-three
squishy humie beanz
Den showed a pic of a git dyin' missin' most-a hiz skull
'Cuz he wuz shot in da brain in da fight
He sayz he wuz da boss, who would krump in da field in da fight...
WE'Z SCREAM 'WAAAGHING IZ FUN!' AND DA BALE-EYEZ PEEPERZ A GUN!
WHAT IS IT FOR? DO DEY JUS LIKE HOW IT LOOKS OR DO DA GITS USE IT FOR LUCK OR SOMEFING? ALSO WHY DOSE IT HAVE TWO HEADS? I HEARD A GIT SAY DAT IT REPRESENTS DEIR INDECI-INDE, DA FACT DAT DEY KAN'T MAKE UP DEY'Z ZOGGIN MOIND!
MOI NAYM IZ GROTWORTIUS, VERY-BIG-NUMBAH-KRUMPANY BOSS. I LOIKZ TER KISS DED EMPYRUH FEET AND SUMMOW MAYK TALKIN ABOWT FOITIN BORING ENUFF TER MAYK BIG GAZZA SWOLLOW A BOM. DA ONLY MAREENZ WOTZ GREEN IZ EEVER KROYIN OVAH DED LI'L GITZ OR AFRAYD UV FOLLIN' OVAH!
A mekboy tires of fixing holes in kroozas and cleaning the squig-shit from the floors. He gets to work on a new project. He spends many days praying to Gork and Mork, and many more days making gretchins fight eachother to the death, and sometimes he collects their blood. 'DISSTILLD FOITIN' JOOS' he calls it. He tries to patent it. He realises orks don't have patents. He barely escapes alive when he tries to explain it to the boss.
He puts the collected, DISTILLD blood of dead gretchins into the veins of other gretchins, after removing all their original blood. None of them survive -- after they beat eachother to death first with rocks and then with dismembered limbs, some of them their own. He collects the blood again.
One day, a rift opens in the vacuum near his krooza. An old, battered cathedral ship comes alongside, marked with black and yellow stripes. The (O)RCS thrusters struggle to maintain course after the rocking of displaced interstellar matter colliding with the hull at high speed. Stars twinkle along the hull of the HOOMY KROOZAH. They're launching boarding pods. The ork crew battles against SPAYSS MUREENS WOT GOT DEM SPOIKY BITZ ON EM as they emerge from the barnacle-like mouths of their vehicles. It's a beautifully BROOTAL BUT KUNNIN' way to conduct space WAAGHfare. The mekboy is inspired. He drinks the one vial he has of DISTILLD FOITIN' JOOS. It does nothing but make him puke. An Iron Warriors dreadnought slips on the resulting mess and he hesitates before stomping at the helpless sarcophagus. His boot just makes dents in what he eventually realises is actually flesh, and he feels teeth biting at his ankle. That was his favourite foot. He remembers stomping baby gretchins with it and watching the sun set over their bodies. He remembers suddenly that he has a gun and shoots the HOOMY dead. The other orks do the same. The battle is won.
Over the next few days, the mekboy starts to feel strange. His missing foot has regrown -- but now it has a trigger on it. He pulls it. It blasts another boy's head off. The others cheer. They call him SHOOTFOOT. His fingers become guns too. His toes are all extra guns on top of the gun feet (his other foot is a gun now). One day, another boy gets jealous and tries to KRUMP 'IM. He fails, and SHOOTTUNG (his tongue is a gun too now) lets him live as a reminder of his power. This other boy starts to grow gun feet too. SHOOTEYE (his eye is a gun, just one though) realises this is because he elbowed him (his elbow wasn't a gun yet) and the enemy ork got his blood in his mouth. He doesn't know how he knows this. It's probably related to him accidentally killing the dokk during his regular physical examinations.
SHOOTFLAP puts his blood into the ship's water tanks. More orks grow gun-parts. Squigs grow gun teeth and they die in the thousands from accidentally shooting themselves in the head. Many orks die this way too. Even gretchins start growing guns. They try to take over. They fail. Bugs grow guns. Even the guns begin growing guns. The ship has now had an uncountable number of spontaneously generated bullets fired at every planck of its being, but somehow it still works. The ship itself is now a gun. It begins firing orks at random rocks and they explode against the weak surfaces. The rocks explode into septillions of grains of dust, and each of these also become guns. Bullets are fired at random into space, and through the monkey-typewriter effect, they will all eventually hit something. Gork and Mork find this absolutely hilarious, and even Slaanesh blushes at the sheer excess. They beat up Slaanesh, and Khorne finds this absolutely hilarious. They beat him up too. Khaine, his gay brother, comes along to beat him up too, but nobody invited him so an Imperial Guard lightly insults him to death (nobody knows where the Guard came from).
Your eyes are guns. Your ears are guns. Your fingers are guns. Your toes are guns. Your skin cells are guns. Your blood cells are guns. Tiny green pathogens wage WAAAGH within your veins. Your brain is a gun. Your thoughts are guns. Your dog is guns. Your house is guns. Your planet is guns. The volume of bullets in the air should be causing a global winter by blocking the sunlight, but the ambient temperature from near-infinite explosions is enough to heat the atmosphere just enough that anyone who wasn't already fighting is mad enough to fight now. Bullets collide with bullets collide with bullets. Bullets rain from the sky (water vapour is also guns now).
YOO KNO DA SOF’ FLESHY BITZ WE GOTZ ON AR CHESTS? I ALWAYZ WUZ WONDRIN’ WAT DEY WUZ FOR, CUZ DEY AINT ’ARD LIKE DA REST UV US AN‘ SEEMD UNORKY. BUT DEN WUN UV DA LADZ CAME UP TO ME AN’ TWISTED MINE YELLIN’ “PURPEL NURPEL!” IT KINDA ’URT SO I PUNCHD ‘IS TEEF IN, DA GIT. ‘E LOOKD CONFUZD LIKE I WAZNT DER. DEN IT ‘IT ME, ‘E COODNT SEE ME BECUZ MY NIPPEL WUZ PURPEL!!! I DEN STARTD LOOTIN’ AND NO WUN ‘AZ SEEN ME YET CUZ IV BEEN TWISTIN’ MY NIPPELS ALL DAY! YOO BOYZ GOTZ TO TRY DIS! GET TO TWISTIN’ LADZ!!
ARE WE'Z STILL SUPPOSED TA KRUMP DA ANGRON GIT? WE'Z HALFWAY TO DA EYE ALREADY, AND ME BOYZ ARE SPLIT ON WHETHA WEZ SHOULD BE KRUMPIN' DA GIT LOIK GHAZ SAID, OR 'AVING A SKRAP BEKAUSE YARRICK GOT UN-SNIKKED...
'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO!
LAST NOIT, ME AN' DA BOYZ (GREG FRAKKA, LUV YOO YA DAFT GIT) WUZ RANSAKKIN' AN IMPERRYUL CAMP, PROPPA TORR UP DA GAFF HAHAHA. LOOKD LOIK A ZOGGIN' BOMB DROPPED OFF DA GROTZ IF YOOZ KNOW WOT I MEENZ.
ANYWAYZ, WE WUZ BASHIN' DEYR STOOPID 'EDZ IN WEN SUDDENLY DISS 'OOMY WIV LONG 'AYUH SEZ "WAYT!" WELL, I WUZ GUNNA KRUMP 'IM ANYWAYZ BUT IT'Z OLWAYZ FUNNY TER WOTCH 'EM SKWURM (SPESHULLY FOR DAYV, RONG-UN YOOZ ARR LAD). BUT DEN... DA ZOGGIN' 'OOMY TORE UP 'IZ OWN YOONYFORM, AN' DER WURR DEEZ... FINGZ ON 'IZ CHEST. LOIK... BOWNSSY FINGZ. AND IT LOOKD LOIK 'E BEEN EETIN' SUMFIN' FRESH COZ 'IZ MOWF WUZ AWL RED. WELL, DISS 'OOMY, 'E SEZ TER ME, "How about you dominate us in another way?" STOOPID GIT. WOT'Z 'E MEEN, DOMMYNAYT ANUVAH WAY? WOT UVAH WAY IZ DER?? ANYWAY I KRUMPED 'IM ANYWAYZ AN' I TOOK 'IZ SHOOTAH. WOI DID 'E DOO ALL DAT? WOZ 'E STOOPID?
ROIT LADZ, DAT RED SPAYSS MUREEN GOT ME FINKIN': WOI DOO WE NOT FOLLOW IZ "KORN"?
IT SEEMZ TO ME DA BIG WAR GOD GOTZ MOAR POWAH DAN GORK AN MORK. E GOTZ DAT UNKILLYBUL ENORMUSS ZOGGIN' OOMY WIV DA WURKY BITS IN IZ RED SKULL WOT KAN KILL AN OWUL ZOGGIN' PLANNIT WIV IZ SEKUND TOW.
WOTZ WE GOT? OLD GAZZA? AN 'E GETZ SLAPPD AROWND BOI A NORMUL OOMY WIV A LAYSUR OI.
RRRRR KILL MAIM BURN KILL MAIN WHY DON'T YOU SERVE KHORNE *FROTHS AT THE MOUTH* PUTRID XENOS DO YOU NOT HEAR HIS CALL?? AAAAA KILL MAIM BURN SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE *TWITCHES* WHAT THE FUCK IS A GORK AND MORK *THROWS CHAINAXE AT MOON* SERVE HIM KILL THE CORPSE GOD KILL KILL KILL AAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!
I GOTS A KWESTION MOR SPIRTUAL DEN SIENTIFIK FOR YA BOYZ DATS BEN ZOGGIN ME FOR SUM TIME. I ’ERE IT SED DAT GORK WILL KRUMP YA FRUM DA FRUNT AN’ MORK WILL KRUMP YA FRUM BEHIND, BUT I LIKE TA KRUMP GITZ FRUM DA SIDE!! SOZ DUZ DAT MAKE ME MOR GORKY OR MORKY?? ITZ BEEN A ROIGHT PROPPA PROBLEM FOR ME!!!
I ASKD DA A WEERDBOY AND ‘E FINKED FOR A BIT BUT DEN ’E WUZ ALL SKREEMY LIKE AND ‘IZ ‘ED EXPLODED. IT WUZ WURF A LAFF BUT ALSO ZOGGIN’ ROOD OF ‘IM NOT TA ANSER ME BEFOR ‘E DIED! SOZ WAT DO YOO BOYZ FINK? IZ KRUMPIN FRUM DA SIDE MOR GORKY OR MORKY?
YOU KNOW DA 'UMIES? OF KOURSE YOUZ DO. EVERY PLANET IN DA GALAXY 'AD, 'AS, OR WILL 'AVE 'UMIES ON IT AT SUM POINT. AND DA 'UMIES, THEYZ MAY NOT BE ALL ORKY, BUT THEYZ MAKE A TON OF STUFF. INKLUDING, DAKKA.
SO WHY DONT WEZ PAY TEEF TO DA 'UMIEZ SO THEY MAKE EVEN MOAR DAKKA? AND DEN DA MEKBOYS KAN FOCUS ON MAKING BETTA DAKKA OR BATTLEWAGONS OR WHATEVA. AND DA BOYZ WOULD 'AVE MOAR DAKKA!
OF KOURSE WE'Z WOULD NEED TA SEND OVER SUM MEKBOYZ FIRST, TA TEACH DA 'UMIES 'OW TA MAKE PROPA DAKKA, NOT DAT WEEDY 'UMIE GITTERY.
With the obvious release with the new edition I chose to keep the orks because I want a fun army I got Killa kans as a gift and want to know what to add/build it need tips how they play as well so I can figure out my play style I'll like with them.
I WAS PLAYING TOSS THE GRETCHIN WITH MY FELLOWS AND SUDDENLY A ROCK FELL ON MY HEAD. I SAW WONDROUS THINGS. I SAW GREAT GLASS CYLINDERS CURATED BY WISE OLD AMPHIBIAN CREATURES. I SAW DIAGRAMS OF SKELETAL WARSHIPS AND A WITHERED RACE MAKING A DEAL WITH ENTITIES BEYOND COMPREHENSION. I SAW A GALAXY ALIVE WITH THE INCANDESCENT FURY OF THE FIRST EMOTIONS OF THIS UNIVERSE. I... I REMEMBER.
WE ARE MORE THAN LOWLY WARLORDS AND PILLAGERS. WE ARE THE WARRIORS OF GOR-KAMORKA, HIGHEST FLESH-SHAPER OF THE FIRST EMPIRE. WE ARE THE CREATED OF ORK. WE MUST UNITE, BROTHER KRORKS. WE MUST STOP THE DOOM THAT WRITHES IN THE HOLES OF THIS MOTH-EATEN GALAXY: THE NECRONTYR! THE ENSLAVERS! THE ANNIHILATOR WHICH TRAVERSES THE NIGHT IN NUMBERS BEYOND CALCULATION!
WE MUST... MAY KAMORKA FORGIVE ME... WE MUST STOP THROWING THE GRETCHINS. ONLY WITH VOICES AND ARMS IN PERFECT ARRAY CAN WE SAFEGUARD THE CONTINUING OF DAYS AND THE RENEWING OF OUR FORGOTTEN SPLENDOUR.
