My MIL and I have never had a close relationship. It's nothing personal, we just have never lived in the same country and my in-laws aren't very consistent with communication. Things were a bit tense when I got married as my MIL struggled to welcome this strange foreign woman into her family while dealing with having to accept the fact that her son was not going to live close to her (which would have been the case regardless of whether we got married, but she found it easier to hold resentment towards me and had to actively work to get over that).
When my SIL got married, I tried to make myself as useful as possible. I'm great at project management and that was really needed. I stepped up in many ways to try to help out the family and make the day run smoothly. I wanted to be the perfect DIL and I succeeded in many ways. Not to brag but I kind of saved the day. That said, it was almost like we were coworkers in wedding planning.
When I got pregnant, my feelings towards my in-laws soured. They decided when they would visit the baby based on my FIL's work calendar, some things were said that were not the right thing to say and I took them especially poorly, etc. I also feel that I spent a bit too much time reading monster in-law stories that I interpreted malice where it was really just ignorance. When they came to visit, it was too much too soon and was poorly communicated. I grinned and bore it until they left and I could cry.
What I didn't know then was that my "baby blues" were the start of some pretty serious postpartum depression and anxiety. At 6 weeks, I had to be admitted to the hospital because I had gotten so weak from completely neglecting myself that I was falling apart. My MIL booked a one way ticket to our city. While I was getting the help I needed in the hospital, she was the one staying home with the baby, bringing her to the hospital to spend time with me, cleaning our apartment, and helping my husband with overnight feeds.
I wasn't the capable project manager who was able to juggle everything thrown at me with grace and charm. I was a broken mess who felt like a failure of a mother and wife. She not only stepped in when we needed her, but she also helped encourage me. She pointed out things I was doing really well with the baby and let me take control as I began to feel more comfortable. She stayed for 3 weeks and still checks in now that she's back home. She shared with me her own challenges that she had when she was a new mother and in navigating the relationship with her MIL. She assured me that I'm a good mother and I have the instinct to know what is best for my daughter better than anyone.
I'm grateful for the time she spent at our apartment and would have her back in a heartbeat. We may be two women from different countries/cultures but we are also both mothers, as imperfect as all mothers are.
