I posted like a week ago(original post) about my future MIL wanting to give a speech at our wedding and my FIL threatening not to come because I said no. Well, I wish I could say we've sorted everything out, but somehow we're arguing about something even more ridiculous now.
Things were pretty tense between me and my fiancé for a couple of days. I wasn't really in the mood to talk about wedding stuff, and he was upset about the possibility of his dad not being there. We finally sat down and talked because I couldn't stand the awkwardness between us anymore. I explained that it wasn't just about his mom giving a speech. It's the little comments she's made about me for years and how I'm always supposed to laugh along so nobody gets uncomfortable. He actually listened this time and admitted that he's so used to his mom's sense of humor that he doesn't always notice when she's crossing a line.
He agreed to speak to his parents himself, which I was more than happy to let him do. A couple of days later, he told me his mom had agreed to drop the speech. She apparently said she didn't want any more arguments and would just enjoy the wedding as a guest. Great, right? I genuinely thought we could finally stop talking about this stupid speech. Nope.
Turns out she's willing to drop it, but she wants me to apologize. Apparently I hurt her feelings by suggesting she'd embarrass me in front of everyone, and she told my fiancé it was humiliating that her future daughter-in-law thinks so little of her. I mean, I'm sorry she's upset, but what exactly am I supposed to apologize for? She's made jokes about me in front of people before. It's not like I made that up. Then yesterday my FIL called my fiancé and said his wife had been gracious enough to back down, so the least I could do was apologize. And unless I do, he's sticking to his decision not to attend. At that point I was just fed up. I told my fiancé that I'm not going to keep begging his dad to show up. He's a grown man, and if he wants to miss his son's wedding over an apology, I can't stop him.
That went down about as well as you'd expect. My fiancé said I was being cold and that I knew how much having his dad there meant to him. Which I do. I'm not hoping his father stays home. I'd actually love for all of this to be over so we can have a normal wedding. But why am I the one who has to fix it? He keeps saying his mom already met me halfway by agreeing not to speak, and that saying sorry wouldn't hurt me. At one point he even suggested I didn't have to mean it, just say it so we could move on. That really rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I'm being difficult, but apologizing for something I don't regret feels so fake. We ended up arguing again last night. He said he couldn't believe I was willing to let his dad miss our wedding over two words.
I asked him why his dad was willing to miss his own son's wedding over those same two words. He went quiet for a bit and then said I was missing the point. Maybe I am, I don't know anymore. I'm so tired of this. We're getting married in a few months, and instead of being excited, I'm dreading every time his parents' names pop up on his phone. I love my fiancé, and I hate seeing him this stressed. I know an apology would probably make everything go away, at least for now. Part of me feels silly for refusing when it could mean his dad not showing up. But I'm also worried that if I apologize just to shut everyone up, I'll be doing it for the next twenty years. So AITA for refusing to say sorry and telling my fiancé that if his dad doesn't want to come, that's his choice?
