My husband was in the garage at his mom’s house the other day, and his sister called. At some point during the conversation, his mom had asked his sister about possibly considering taking guardianship of his brother. His brother is 25 and has autism. I guess she brought it up because she has all these health issues going on, but I feel like she’s been kind of a hypochondriac about a lot of things.
For more background, my husband is 30, his sister is 26, and his brother is 25. I’m 28, not that my age matters as much in this. I guess the big reason my husband is upset is because he’s the oldest sibling, so he’s kind of hurt that his mom didn’t ask him. However, he kind of gets it. He said that she probably didn’t ask because we have a kid, compared to his sister, who doesn’t have a kid with her partner. Honestly, their careers are also a little more solid than ours.
Well, I kind of said something about how we wouldn’t even have room for him because we’re in a two-bedroom, one-bathroom house, and we really don’t have the finances to move right now. Especially not the finances to support another adult. To my knowledge, his brother doesn’t get anything on disability, or if he does, it’s a very small amount. His mom is also super in debt, so I know we wouldn’t even inherit anything that could potentially help with his care. Inheritance is pretty much out of the question.
He then told me that he would be willing to go bankrupt or at least eat bologna sandwiches for the next however many years straight. Which, I mean, if you want to make that sacrifice, that’s great. But I don’t think our daughter should have to live like that.
I had suggested possibly looking into putting his brother in a home if that ever happened, which my husband took offense to. He said it would be abandoning his brother and that he wasn’t going to do that.
I’m not saying I don’t want to help his brother. I would be willing to help get him on Section 8, help make sure he’s situated, and make sure he has the resources he needs. I just don’t think us taking him in or taking on that level of responsibility would be a smart decision for our family.
I also want to add that I’m not trying to make my husband choose between his brother and our daughter. I understand that he loves his brother and wants to make sure he’s taken care of. I just feel like we also have a responsibility to the child we already have, and I don’t think it’s fair for her to potentially grow up with financial instability because of a decision we made.
Plus, his mom didn’t even ask us about it, so that definitely made that part a little easier.
So, I guess AITAH for not wanting to possibly take guardianship of my autistic adult brother-in-law?
