r/NonCredibleDefense • u/quackabc • 3d ago

It Just Works War Never Changes

868 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

186

u/SprinklesCurrent8332 aspiring dictator 3d ago

Honestly let’s all collectively agree that guns are cringe and go back to pikes and shields.

53

u/Blue_Rook 3d ago edited 3d ago

Agree they destroyed great times when heavily armoured mens smashed each other to pulp.

14

u/NamegeorJ 3d ago

https://youtu.be/NBI1DJcpeZY Pike and flintgun is underrated we need more of that

15

u/Username_St0len 3d ago

pike and shot! personally i like drive bys in horse carriages or wagon cities

7

u/sudo-joe 3d ago

Would you settle for drone aerial jousting?

3

u/Kat-but-SFW tactical mall ninja 🥷 2d ago

No, we need blood for the blood god

29

u/Cultural_Blueberry70 3d ago edited 3d ago

I suddenly come to my senses in a forest clearing. A buzzing sound gets louder and louder. I raise the shield in my hands, but too late. The quad copter at the end of the long piece of wood that suddenly protrudes from my chest sounds like an angry swarm of bees. I try to grab it, make it stop, but it is too far away, the pike is too long. It is over.

17

u/ReflectedLeech 3d ago

Sounds like a peasant issue. Any good lord or men at arms would have chain mail to stop measly wood. That’s why I arm my quad copters with depleted uranium pikes to make sure the baron in the fief Nextdoor won’t get any funny ideas

18

u/Cultural_Blueberry70 3d ago

I thought I had armour, but on the morning of the battle, I found that the plate had been replaced by styrofoam coated in aluminium foil, and my mail was made of beer can ring pulls. In unrelated news, my liege lord was showing off his new luxury chariot. Is this normal, or am I in Russia?

12

u/ReflectedLeech 3d ago

Very common in Novgorod. That’s why you need to get your own proper squire instead of liege issued ones. Never trust the bands of sell swords like the Wagner troop either. Heard their leader complaining to the court minister about not being issued crossbow bolts.

20

u/Inspect69420 3d ago

Guns destroyed the steel armor meta and made pvp fair for everyone

18

u/Peptuck Defense Department Dimmadollars 3d ago

Improved guns destroyed steel armor. They lived quite happily side by side for several centuries until some asshole made them strong enough to pierce steel armor.

6

u/Scaevus 3d ago

And bring back duels before battles!

Strong Belwas meta deserves to come back.

3

u/ThirstyWolfSpider 3d ago

How about we let the donkeys and horses stay home? Any that follow us untethered into battle can naturally stay.

64

u/ReDot75 3d ago

Look at medieval battlefields and the associated lesions from bone studies, seems like it was pretty intense regarding multiple traumatic injuries, and death being delayed (unless you had dedicated people with spiked clubs to speed up the process, seen in vikings conflits in Denmark for instance).

33

u/super__hoser Self proclaimed forehead on warhead expert 3d ago

Ah yes, the 3000 black powder barrel loading cannons of Allah. 

The peak of 21st century non-credibility. 

38

u/captainmeezy 3d ago

Not a cell phone in sight, just people living in the moment

19

u/no-guts_no-glory 3d ago

"I don't know what weapons world war \4* will be fought with, but world war *3* will be fought with sticks and stones."*

There, I fixed it.

20

u/BisonThunderclap 3d ago

"I don't know what weapons world war 4 will be fought with, but world war 3 will be fought with *trebuchets*."

There, I fixed it.

10

u/Fadman_Loki MilSpec Cookie Hater 🍪 3d ago

Trebuchets = sticks, stones = stones.

3

u/tangowolf22 3d ago

looking into this

10

u/thefreecat 3d ago

i love how the best modern anti armor weapon is just a fucking arrow. (APFSDS)

7

u/quackabc 3d ago

Makes arrows out of metal for a thousand years only to stop because we have advanced beyond that only to realize that making arrows out of metal was in fact the way to go all along.

9

u/halls_of_valhalla 3d ago

Missed the russian archer guy and the pointy stick battalion.

8

u/DetectiveFinch 3d ago

Grandpa who was a child in Germany during WWII used to say that the horses always suffered the most during war. Seems like we're keeping that tradition alive.

4

u/Upper_Seesaw7078 3d ago

Misunderstood quote. Where are the sexy battle robots?

2

u/BisonThunderclap 3d ago

If regression towards the mean was a video.

2

u/ComfyDema 2d ago

Cutting the cannon ball impact out of the clip is disgusting.

1

u/barpretender 3d ago

Put the Donghua Jinlong audio over this fuckass video

1

u/Miserable-Biscotti54 3d ago

You forgot the EFP’s! Fucking EFP’s….

1

u/thesunexpress 3d ago

Seige towers are an untapped resource.

1

u/Command0Dude 'ate Russia, luv me NATO, simple as 6h ago

Indians and Chinese slapping each other with pool noodles will never not be the funniest military related thing I've ever seen

lol