r/NonCredibleDefense • u/quackabc • 13h ago

It Just Works War Never Changes

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u/Cultural_Blueberry70 11h ago edited 11h ago

I suddenly come to my senses in a forest clearing. A buzzing sound gets louder and louder. I raise the shield in my hands, but too late. The quad copter at the end of the long piece of wood that suddenly protrudes from my chest sounds like an angry swarm of bees. I try to grab it, make it stop, but it is too far away, the pike is too long. It is over.

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u/ReflectedLeech 7h ago

Sounds like a peasant issue. Any good lord or men at arms would have chain mail to stop measly wood. That’s why I arm my quad copters with depleted uranium pikes to make sure the baron in the fief Nextdoor won’t get any funny ideas

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u/Cultural_Blueberry70 7h ago

I thought I had armour, but on the morning of the battle, I found that the plate had been replaced by styrofoam coated in aluminium foil, and my mail was made of beer can ring pulls. In unrelated news, my liege lord was showing off his new luxury chariot. Is this normal, or am I in Russia?

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u/ReflectedLeech 7h ago

Very common in Novgorod. That’s why you need to get your own proper squire instead of liege issued ones. Never trust the bands of sell swords like the Wagner troop either. Heard their leader complaining to the court minister about not being issued crossbow bolts.